Tom and Jerry: Shiver Me Whiskers (2006) Movie Script

This be a tale of the high seas.
A tale of fabulous treasure.
A tale of three pirate brothers
what searched for the treasure.
And a tale of how their plans
was thwarted... a cat...
...and a mouse?
He said, "Pull harder, you dogs,
and get all hands on deck."
"All hands" includes paws, cat.
Cursed is this map...
...the map to the treasure
of the Spanish Mane.
You cannot begin to imagine the horrors
the curse brings.
So do not even try.
But the curse can be avoided...
...if you put the map
back in its bottle before sunset.
Look what you did to me mast,
you stinking sea cat.
What do you have to say for yourself?
No, never mind,
I don't wanna hear your lies.
I ought to...
Well, what have we here?
Shiver me timbers.
A treasure map.
And if I remember the maps
I seen in me youth...
...this one be leading to the lost riches...
...of the Spanish Mane!
Finding that treasure
has been a 40-year competition...
...between me
and me two scurvy siblings...
...Blue Pirate Bob
and Purple Pirate Paul.
What a couple of ugly bilge rats they be.
Now I'm gonna keelhaul you.
I'm sorry.
Walk the plank.
I was gonna make you walk the plank,
but now I be in such a fine mood...
...I'll be holding off on it.
For now.
Nice work, Thomas.
Hi, excuse me.
Hi. Now, he said:
"I be Blue Pirate Bob...
...and I don't take lightly
to no stowaways.
You know what I do to stowaways?"
No, I don't feed them and make them
comfortable and see to their every need.
But you're half right.
There will be some feeding... me mascot.
Sorry, little fella, I'm just translating.
What's that you say?
Wanna bargain for your life, do ye?
A treasure, says ye?
Well, that makes the sweet pot sweeter,
doesn't it?
And where might that be?
Well, if it ain't the ship
of me no-good brother Red Pirate Ron.
So you're saying he found
a treasure map, are ye?
Well then, let's pay him
our traditional family visit, says I?
That should keep the mast
from falling over again.
What in the name of
Davy Jones' locker room?
Me hated brother Blue Pirate Bob.
So you smell me treasure map?
Well, come and get it.
Hi, Stan. What up?
How's the job going?
Hey, Betty.
You know...
...he mutters the same
indecipherable growl...
...I translate it as best I can...
...he gives me the occasional cracker.
Same old, same old.
I tell you, it's not like it used to be?
It's getting so I can hardly
understand a word he's saying.
I hear you.
Break time's over.
- Gotta run.
- See you, Stan.
Avast ye swine.
I'll send you to the bottom of the sea.
This is for all that time you spent
hogging the bathroom, Brother Bob.
Who am I translating for?
Well, no one, I guess.
Just habit.
...thought you could steal
me treasure map, you scurvy dog?
Go get that map, you mangy cat.
There's an extra ration
of kippers in it for you.
Remember... have until sunset
to return the map to the bottle...
...or suffer its...
You did good returning the map to me, cat.
Now, let's end this party with a bang.
Brother Ron, you wouldn't sink your own
flesh and blood now, would ye?
Not to mention his beloved parrot.
Aye, that I would.
I found the map to the treasure
of the Spanish Mane.
The Spanish Mane?
Oh, no, that treasure be cursed.
Our brother Purple Paul went lost
trying to find it.
Aye, and so will ye.
So long, Blue Pirate Bob.
Give the fishes me regards.
Sorry about that, Betty.
Talk to you later.
Well, you never did forgive me
for taking the top bunk.
Hey, take it easy, Stan.
Catch you later.
Set sail for Yo Ho...
Yo Ho Island.
Aye, aye, Pirate Ron.
Help yourself to me
own secret kipper store.
Which apparently ain't much of a secret.
Now, let's see, where be the tiny dot
that says, "Ye be here"?
Cursed. You did not return
the map to the bottle by sunset...
...and now you are all cursed.
What's this about
returning the map to a bottle?
This be the first I've heard of it.
But I told you already.
I told him.
Yes, I did.
And now, you are all cursed.
This ship is now hereby
commissioned into the fleet...
...of the Spanish Mane.
Thomas, have ye anything
to say for yourself?
I'll be outside.
Red Pirate Ron, abandon ship.
Start lowering the boat.
Well, Thomas,
since all this be your fault...
I'll see you real soon.
Having decided their ship
was of no further use to them...
...the pirates set out in their lifeboat
to find the treasure.
Though they faced peril after peril...
...and extremely unpleasant seasickness... long last,
they reached their accursed goal.
Yo Ho Island.
The place on the map
where the treasure be buried.
Rest assured, lad,
the dangers here be many...
...and the rewards be few.
Except for me,
for whom the rewards will be vast.
Now, Thomas, row!
This be going into
your permanent employee record.
Who dares to enter me private sanctuary...
...without me express
written or verbal permission?
Quiet, you.
Can't understand a word you're saying.
Why don't you answer, cat?
You got your tongue?
A mouse?
I hates vermin.
I'm gonna take the both of you
and have you keelhauled.
And when that's finished... the unlikely event...
...there's anything remaining...
...which there won't be...
...I'll gather up all the itty-bitty pieces
and feed them to the...
Feed them to the...
To the...
Get them, boys!
Get them, ye bumbling primates.
I know what they're after.
They're here for the treasure!
Quiet, you.
Blast ye.
I ain't finished me brunch yet.
So you're here seeking the treasure,
are you?
No, don't talk. I knows you are,
so there ain't no use lying.
Now, I ain't gonna hurt you.
All that spooky speechifying earlier
was just to try and scare you off.
But I do wanna warn you.
Do you know why I, Barnacle Paul,
be on this island in the first place?
No, not the coconuts,
though they be mighty tasty.
No, not the bananas either,
though high in potassium they be.
No, it ain't for the monkeys either...
...though they do keep
a tidy jungle clearing.
No, it all started 40 years ago...
...when me and me two brothers,
Ron and Bob...
...had a love of treasure maps.
One day, we found in our collection
the most prized map of them all...
...the treasure of the Spanish Mane.
That's mane as in m-a-n-e...
...the fortune amassed by
Don Diego Clippershears...
...the most famous wigmaker in Spain.
He'd hidden his fabulous wealth
on an offshore island for tax purposes...
...and I aimed to plunder it.
Of course, me brothers had the same idea.
They say the map were cursed... maybe that be why
the sound of our fighting...
...was more than
our sweet mother could bear.
So she dispatched
every last one of our maps.
While Ron and Bob spent the next
40 years trying to find them...
...I was the only one what had
seen enough of the Spanish Mane map... remember where the island be.
Sweet mother of pearl!
I had no idea there be
no working bathrooms on the island...
...and I was horrified.
But I made do,
and after searching 40 years...
...I never found the treasure
of the Spanish Mane.
I'm telling ye this
so you'll turn back now...
...and ye won't have to live through
the same despair I have.
Now, if only I'd had that map.
That would have been
a totally different story.
You're going anyway?
Well, good luck.
No, just because I've failed
for 40 years don't mean ye will.
No, go, have fun.
When the madness sets in... sure to say hi for me.
Well, if it ain't me own
brother Purple Paul.
I told you, I don't wanna be part
of your whole color-scheme-name thing.
I'm Barnacle Paul.
Quiet, you.
Hi, Chuck.
That cat stole me map to the
treasure of the Spanish Mane.
The Spanish Mane?
That be the map to the Spanish Mane?
Get it!
I don't believe it.
After all these years, we are gonna finally
find the treasure of the Spanish Mane.
Sure, "we."
This be where the X on the map
be located.
Blast, I always meant to search here.
Does it count if I meant to search here?
Avast, me brother.
'Tis the animal scalawags.
A split.
That be a difficult shot to make.
Oh, dear.
I'm not repeating that.
Well, that was close...
...but now that we all be back together,
let's try and stay togeth...
X marks the spot.
Greetings, fortune hunters.
I am the spirit of Don
Diego Clippershears.
You survived the curse of my map...
...and have come seeking the burial place
of the treasure of the Spanish Mane.
Unfortunately, that makes you thieves...
...and all thieves must first get by... security system.
You do not get to be
the most famous wigmaker in Spain...
...without knowing a little magic.
How else could someone make all those
old guys want to wear long, curly hair?
It looks ridiculous.
Behold, the guardian
of the treasure of the Spanish Mane!
Well, it was the only thing we had
on the ship to model it after.
You did not think I would just
give you the treasure, did you?
Farewell, fools.
So you defeated my guardian?
Well, good for you.
But I bet you did not bring back...
...the key.
So you have.
Well, congratulations.
This is the lock to the door.
You may only enter
if you can figure out the puzzle...
...of how the key opens it.
And you'll have to be very crafty indeed...
...because it won't be...
Okay, yes, I suppose
that was a little obvious.
You have defeated my guardian
and unlocked the door.
Fabulous riches await you within.
Riches beyond your wildest dreams.
I guess he is in too much
of a hurry to hear about...
...the horrible traps
that protect the treasure inside!
Did I forget to mention those?
Well, I do not have a brain,
so it's tough to remember things.
That is right.
The old "trapped, smashing stair...
...that smashes down on you
from the ceiling" trick.
You may as well turn back...
...because the rest of
the stairs are all trapped...
...and there's no way
anybody could possibly...
Hey, what are you doing?
I am fine.
Thanks for asking.
Welcome to the Mind Your Memory game.
I am going to show you
an ancient cryptic rune...
...and you are
going to have to memorize it.
Did you catch that?
I hope so.
Because now you have to find it again...
...amongst all these.
Whichever rune you choose,
a door will open to let you out.
But if you choose the wrong rune...
...that lightning rod up there
will zap you but good.
No pressure.
And go.
We have officially started.
Choose a rune.
Choose a rune today, please.
Got places to be.
Things to do.
Would you just hurry up and...
Well, I said a door would
open after you chose...
...and technically you did choose.
So I guess I cannot
make a liar out of myself now.
Yes, it is true.
All of my fabulous wealth
is now yours for the taking.
So go ahead, take it.
Go on. What are you waiting for?
Take it. It is yours.
You think there is a catch?
Well, you are right.
There is a catch.
If you can get past this...
...the treasure of the
Spanish Mane is all yours.
Fortunately for me, you will not.
That's it?
That is the big climax
to the fabulous treasure hunt?
That is just great.
You can take the emergency exit.
What do I care?
I guess I do not need a hoard of cash.
It is not like I go out much.
I am a skull, for crying out loud.
Maybe this is the year I finally
turn the place into a bed-and-breakfast.
The treasure.
For the last time, quiet, you.
You're even more beautiful in person.
I don't suppose you're wearing
all that just to test it out for me?
Or were you thinking of stealing
the treasure for yourself?
Because that would mean I'd have to...
Oh, my goodness, you're not serious.
Oh, my. Hope you weren't trying
to steal the treasure for yourself.
Oh, boy.
You don't wanna know.
You treacherous swine,
get your hands off me treasure.
Traitorous boar.
What do you mean, your treasure?
Well, some kind of pig.
I can't understand what
you're saying half the time.
Be gone, you stupid parrot.
I don't need...
This is at me.
Okay, fine.
Have it your own way.
I quit.
This treasure be mine.
I got squatter's rights, I have.
Now see here, brother,
this treasure be mine.
And if Bob were here, he'd agree.
Blast, I was hoping
I wouldn't have to prove that.
Excuse me.
Hey, back away from that treasure,
me scurvy brothers.
Gosh, you got me.
I'm not sure what he said.
I thought he... You know, the dialect
is different. In this business...
Me? Fired?
But... But...
Oh, dear.
What will the gals
in the sewing circle think?
Brother Bob.
Tell Ron the treasure be mine.
Oh, boy, it's just like the old days.
What the...?
Stop right there!
They got the treasure!
- They've taken the ship.
- Come back here! Come back here!
So that be the story...
...of how a trio of pirate brothers
was thwarted out of their treasure... a cat...
...and a mouse.
Now there's a pirate I could work for?
The strong silent type.
And for once we won't have any trouble
figuring out what he's trying to say.
But it ain't all bad
on the island for us brothers.
No, there be plenty of interesting
things to keep us busy.