Wayne's World (1992) Movie Script
Spend all day with us.
There are two--
pardon me--
two of everything in
every Noah's arcade.
That means
two of Zantar,
That means
two of Zantar,
Bay Wolf, Ninja Commando,
Snake-azon,
Psycho Chopper...
It's really good
seeing you, Benjamin.
You haven't been into
Shakey's for so long.
Well, I've
been real busy.
It's two for you
'cause one won't do.
All this week,
kids under 6
get every fifth--
There's a new pet.
Ch-Ch-Chia
Chia Pet--
the pottery that grows.
They are very fast.
Simple. Plug it in,
and insert the plug
from just about anything.
Simple.
Even for our customers
in Waukegan, Elgin, and Aurora--
We'll be there
right on time.
So call!
Clap on, clap off
The Clapper
Wayne's World,
Wayne's World
Party time
Excellent
[ Guitar Riff ]
O.K.
All right,
excellent.
Excellent.
Whoo!
O.K., extreme close-up!
Waa!
Waa!
Waa!
Excellent.
Excellent
extreme close-up.
Now it's time for
Wayne's World's totally amazing
excellent discoveries.
Our guest
is Ron Paxton.
Welcome to
Wayne's World, Ron.
Thanks, Wayne.
Now, you're the inventor
of the Suck Kut, right?
What exactly
is a Suck Kut?
The Suck Kut is a revolution
in home hair cutting.
Wow! What a totally amazing
excellent discovery.
Well, yes.
Fireworks!
Now, Ron, the question that's
on everybody's mind is,
how does it work?
I'm fully prepared to give
a complete demonstration.
O.K. O.K., Garth,
just sit there.
He's going to put that
thing on your melon, O.K.?
Just a trim.
Don't buzz me, all right?
Uhh! Uhh!
Ohh! Ohh!
Ohh! Ohh!
Tell me, Ron.
Exactly how does
the Suck Kut work?
Well, as you can see,
it sucks as it cuts.
It certainly
does suck.
Ohh! Ohh!
What are we looking at?
Wayne's World. These guys do
their show out of their basement.
Ohh! Ohh! Ohh!
Ohh!
Ohh!
People watch this?
Yeah, lots.
Turn it off, man!
Turn it off!
It's sucking
my will to live!
Oh, the humanity!
You want to hand me
the telephone?
Sure.
Uhh!
Uhh!
Russell, this
is Benjamin.
Are you
watching TV?
Listen, could you
turn it to channel 10?
I want you to find out
who these guys are
and where they
do their show.
I think we can
sell it to Vanderhoff.
Take your Ritalin, O.K.?
O.K., you're
in a forest.
Forest?
You're in a forest
with Heather Locklear.
With Heather?
And you're very warm.
Very...
- Warm?
- warm.
These guys
are so funny.
Oh, they're
obviously brilliant.
Hmm.
Wow! What a totally amazing
excellent discovery...not!
Thanks, Ron.
O.K., that's all the time
we have for this week.
Until then, good night!
Party on, Wayne.
Party on, Garth.
It's Wayne's World,
Wayne's World
Party time
Excellent
[ Guitar Riff ]
And...
we're clear!
All right!
Excellent!
Whoo! Whoo!
All right!
Excellent!
Excellent!
Let me bring you
up to speed.
My name is
Wayne Campbell.
I live in
Aurora, Illinois,
which is
a suburb of Chicago.
Excellent!
I've had plenty
of Joe jobs.
Nothing I'd call
a career.
Let me put it
this way.
I have an extensive collection
of name tags and hair nets.
O.K., I still
live with my parents,
which I admit
is both bogus and sad.
But at least I've got
an amazing cable access show,
and I still
know how to party.
But what
I'd really love
is to do Wayne's World
for a living.
It might happen.
Yeah, and monkeys might
fly out of my butt.
[ Horn Honks ]
Ahh, the Mirthmobile.
This is my best friend
Garth Algar.
Hi.
I think we'll go with a little
Bohemian Rhapsody, gentlemen.
Good call.
I see a little
silhouette of a man
Scaramouche,
Scaramouche
Will you do
the fandango?
Thunderbolts
and lightning
Very, very
frightening
Galileo
Galileo
- Galileo
- Galileo
Galileo, Figaro
Let me go-o-o-o
I'm just a poor boy
Nobody loves me
He's just
a poor boy
From a poor family
Spare him his life
from this monstrosity
Whoa!
It's Phil.
Phil, what are you
doing here?
You're partied out,
man...again.
What if he honks
in the car?
I'm giving you
a no-honk guarantee.
Phil! Um...
if you're
going to spew,
spew into this.
Easy come, easy go
Will you let me go?
Bismillah
No! We will not
let you go
Let him go
Bismillah
We will not
let you go
Let him go
Bismillah
We will not
let you go
Let me go
We will not
let you go
Let me go
Let me go-o-o-o
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no
Oh, mama mia,
mama mia
Mama mia,
let me go
Beelzebub
Has a devil
put aside for me
For me
For me
So you think
you can stone me
And spit in my eye
So you think you
can love me and leave me
To die
Oh, baby
Garth, pull over.
Oh! Oh, man!
Come on!
Not again.
He does this
every Friday.
Stop torturing
yourself, man!
You'll never
afford it!
Live in
the now!
It will be mine.
Oh, yes.
It will be mine.
Ooh
Oh, yeah
Oh, yeah
Nothing really matters
Anyone can see
Nothing really matters
Nothing
really matters
To me
Hey, Wayne's world!
Wayne's world! Party!
- Yeah!
- Whoo!
Excellent!
Way to go!
- Whoo!
- Whoo!
Party on, Wayne!
Hey, Campbell.
Uno momento, fellas.
Officer Kuharski,
how's it going?
Fine.
Say, I smell bacon.
Does anyone else
smell bacon?
Yeah, I
definitely smell
a pork product
of some type.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know
what you're doing, Campbell.
Bacon, pig, oink-oink,
police officer.
Ha ha ha.
I said that to cops
when I was your age.
Hey, what
are you up to?
I just pulled over
a tour bus
on its way to Chicago.
We had a tip there was
some drug smuggling going down.
We searched
the entire vehicle.
It was clean, so we proceeded
with body cavity searches.
No way.
Way! I inspected
12 individuals myself--
Inside and out.
Eeew!
Uhh!
Ugh!
O.K., this guy needs coffee
and crullers stat!
We got to get him
to Rampart.
Let's go!
This is
Stan Mikita's Donuts.
Excellent munchie post.
This is
the manager, Glen.
He's here
24 hours a day.
I recommend
the sugar pucks.
They're excellent.
Come on.
I'd never done
a crazy thing in my life
before that night.
Why is it if a man kills
another man in battle
it's called heroic?
Yet if he kills a man
in the heat of passion
it's called murder?
Hello! What do you
think you're doing?
Only me and Garth get
to talk to the camera.
Come on.
I don't really have too much
to say right now.
What's that?
Ohh! Ohh!
Hi, Mr.Withers.
How's the amusement park going?
Just great, Wayne.
Four coffees and
a half a dozen crullers, please.
And one jelly donut.
Hey, there's your girlfriend,
Garth. Yeah.
[ Tchaikovsky's Romeo And Juliet
Fantasy Overture Plays ]
Ow!
Excuse me.
I fell.
Don't you guys ever get tired
of ordering the same thing?
- No.
- No.
Uh-oh.
Don't look. Stacy.
Where?
Oh, God.
I made eye contact.
Psycho hose beast.
Happy anniversary, Wayne.
Stacy, we broke up
two months ago.
That doesn't mean
we can't still go out.
Well, it does, actually.
That's what
breaking up is.
You going to go
to the Gasworks tonight?
No!
- No!
- No!
Don't you want
to open your present?
If it's a severed head,
I'll be very upset.
Open it.
O.K.
O.K.
What is it?
It's a gun rack.
A gun rack?
A gun rack.
Yeah, great.
I don't
even own a gun,
let alone many guns
that would necessitate
an entire rack.
What am I going to do
with a gun rack?
You don't like it, fine.
[ Slurp ]
Wayne, if you're not careful,
you're going
to lose me.
I lost you
two months ago.
Are you mental?
We broke up.
Get the net!
Wayne!
Hey!
How you doing?
Garth!
Tiny, who's
playing tonight?
Jolly Green Giants,
The Shitty Beatles.
The Shitty Beatles--
are they any good?
They suck.
Then it's not just
a clever name?
Who else?
Crucial Taunt,
and they're just finishing the set.
I hear they can wail.
You're right.
Party on.
Party on.
Yo!
All right!
Now, dig this, baby!
You don't
care for me
I don't
care about that
This is the Gasworks,
an excellent
heavy metal bar.
Always a babe fest.
And they got
a pool table, too.
Let me stand
next to your fire
Party! Whoo!
Yeow! Party!
Excuse me.
Whoo!
Let me stand
next to your fire
Let me stand
Let me stand
next to your fire
Excuse me.
Um, excuse me.
What?
I'd like to get by now.
Get out of my face,
you little dweeb.
Ohh!
Ow!
I have only one
itchin' desire
Let me stand
next to your fire
Ohh
Let me stand
next to your fire
[ Mission: Impossible
Theme Plays ]
You don't
care for me
I don't care
about that
You got a new fool,
I like it like that
I have only
one burnin' desire
Let me stand
next to your fire
Excuse me.
Hey, let me stand
next to your fire
What do you want,
you little dweeb?
Oh, let me stand
next to your fire
Aah!
Thank you.
You say your mama
ain't home
It ain't my concern
Just don't play with me
and you won't get burned
Oh, dream weaver
I believe you can
get me through--
She's a babe!
Schwing!
Ohh
Yeah
Ohh
Ohh, ohh
Ohh
Hey
Ow, ow! Ha ha!
Hyah!
Yeah.
Ow! All right.
Ohh.
I love this woman.
Hey, Raymond, club soda
with a lime, please.
And would you
get me a towel?
Boy, you really wail.
Thanks.
Hey, you're that
party time guy on TV.
Wayne, right?
Yes, and you are?
Cassandra.
Cassandra.
Rough night, huh?
Everybody's kung fu fighting.
Yeah. Well,
nice meeting you.
Hey, hold on!
Can I call you sometime?
You got 5 bucks,
you can come to the rent party.
It's at my loft.
I'm there.
I got to go.
The club owner's trying to dick me
out of some money.
O.K. O.K.
See how many
people I--
That bass player's
a babe.
She makes me feel
kind of funny,
like when we used
to climb the rope in gym class.
You said I get
cash up front.
She will be mine.
Oh, yes.
She will be mine.
Pardon me.
Do you have
any Grey Poupon?
Garth,
just sit there.
He's going to put
that on your melon.
O.K., but
just a trim.
Don't buzz me,
all right?
Uhh!
Uhh!
Uhh!
Uhh! Uhh! Uhh!
Oh, no!
Russell, stop the tape.
So, what do you think?
I think it's two chimps on
a davenport in a basement.
I'm not sponsoring this.
I got spots on Love Boat,
but this?
What is this?
Mr.Vanderhoff,
this is your audience.
They're the same kids
that line up at Noah's Arcade.
It looks so cheesy.
That's where
I come in.
Russell's
our best producer.
He does Chicago P.M.
with Elaine Ronkey,
Sunshine Saturday,
The African-American Digest.
Never heard of that.
It's on very late.
It won several awards.
I think I'll stick
with Love Boat.
If I may,
speaking from
a producer / director standpoint,
kids can relate
to this show.
These guys
aren't phonies.
Kids can spot phonies.
They're very smart.
Kids know dick.
I watch them
in my arcades.
They stand like
laboratory rats
hitting the feeder bar
to get food pellets.
As long as they pump in quarters,
who gives a shit?
Let me ask you something.
What's your single biggest problem
in the arcade business?
Well, uh, keeping the customer
informed of new product.
Like, we have a new game
called Zantar.
Zantar is a gelatinous cube
that eats warriors
in a medieval village.
Every time
it eats a chieftain
you ascend
to a higher level.
Beauty part is you can't
get to the next level.
The kids keep
coughing up quarters.
Gelatinous cube
eats village--
I think it's terrific.
You know, I know nothing
about video games.
I found what you
just said riveting.
Well, I do
my own commercials.
I did not know that.
I don't mention the games
in the commercials
because the technology moves
much faster than the advertising.
I did not realize that.
Russell, did you
realize that?
No, I did not
realize that.
So, Mr.Vanderhoff,
let me see if I'm
hearing you correctly.
Are you saying
that if you had a spot,
say on a weekly show,
that you could
come on the show
and update the kids
on exactly what was new
in your arcade?
Yeah, that's it.
I'm impressed.
Wow!
Noah's Arcade presents
Wayne's World.
I think
that's brilliant.
Brilliant.
Well, thank you.
We'll get right to work
on this.
We'll send the contracts
over to your office.
We'll be in touch.
Oh.
I'd like
to think about this.
Oh, of course you would.
I wouldn't have it
any other way.
She'll validate.
Thank you.
He's in.
[ Speaking Cantonese ]
Stop it!
You're scaring me.
Oh, cool. You're learning
Cassandra's language.
I've never seen you so mental
over a girl before.
You going to marry her?
Marriage is punishment
for shoplifting in some countries.
O.K., you passed inspection.
All right.
Just barely.
Uh, O.K., that's 42.57, Wayne--
parts and labor.
No way.
Brutal.
Oh, O.K.
There you go.
All right,
we got it.
That's not enough.
What?
We got...that.
That's good,
but I need more.
Oh, man!
Why don't you use a gun?
It's not my fault.
Come on.
I suppose it's
society's fault?
More.
[ RRRrrrr ]
Cool.
All right.
[ RRRrrrr RRRrrrr ]
Here's an extra dollar.
You guys should have been
at Gasworks on Friday.
Yeah, we were there.
There was this band--
Crucial Taunt--
They had this megababe
for a lead singer. Unreal!
Phil, we were there.
Have you gone mental?
Hello?
I think we should go now.
Here you go.
Cool!
You think it's wise
to sell a show we don't own?
By tonight, we will.
Ah!
Excuse me.
Do you know where
we could find Wayne Campbell?
That'd be privileged
information.
We just want to know
where they broadcast from.
Are you a friend
or a relative?
We're neither.
Russell, I may not have
grown up around here,
but I understand these people.
This must be the place.
O.K., we're just about
out of time, right?
But first let's give
a Wayne's World salute
to the Guess jeans girl
Claudia Schiffer.
Schwing!
Schwing!
Tent pole!
She's a babe.
She's magically
babe-licious.
She tested very high
on the strokability scale.
Mmrreowww!
Ssss.
Are you through yet?
I'm getting tired
of holding this.
Yeah, that's
what she said.
O.K., so, Claudia Schiffer,
we salute you.
- Scha-wing!
- Scha-wing!
That's all the time
we have this week.
Until then, good night.
Party on, Wayne.
Wayne's World
Wayne's World
Party time
Excellent
[ Guitar Riff ]
And...we're clear.
O.K. Excellent show,
everyone.
[ Garth ]
Excellent.
Great show.
Wayne, Benjamin Kane.
Regional program director
for Oliver Communications.
Oh, hello.
I'm Russell Finley.
We spoke earlier today. Hi.
Maybe we can go somewhere
and get acquainted.
Russell,
get to know the crew.
You know anywhere nice?
Hi.
Hi.
Let me get this
out of the way--
I'm a big fan.
You are?
As I see it, your show's
capable of so much more.
We'll try harder, O.K.?
Give us a second chance.
Don't cancel us
without a second chance.
Garth, relax, all right?
Your pills?
He can't cancel us.
We're on public access.
Can I be honest?
My job, it's usually
such a bore,
but the other day something
incredible happened.
What happened?
Noah Vanderhoff,
owner of the largest
video arcade chain in Chicago,
is in my office
asking me what's with
this show Wayne's World
I hear so much about?
I have your shows on tape.
I said I'm a fan.
I put a show in.
He literally jumped
out of his seat.
- Cool.
- Cool.
He wants to sponsor
the show,
put you on our station,
and pay you
a huge salary.
He doesn't realize
you're both artists.
You're not interested
in money.
No, we're not
interested in money.
That's what I told him.
But he said take them
two cashier's checks anyway
so they know I'm serious.
I may be wasting my time,
but here I am
with the contract
and two cashier's checks
for $5,000 each.
Exsqueeze me?
Baking powder?
You're going to pay us
for doing Wayne's World?
Give me the word.
I'll tear up
these checks.
[ Chokes ]
No! No!
He shoots,
he scores!
Want to look
at the contracts?
Yes.
Do you have a lawyer?
Yes. Uh...no.
We're between
lawyers right now.
Our first lawyer
screwed our affairs so badly.
That's right. I walked
right into that office,
I grabbed him
by his big fat head,
and I said I'm not going to jail
for you or anybody.
Exactly.
Can I have an opportunity
to peruse that contract
before we sign it?
Hmm.
Yes.
Yes.
I like what
you've done here.
Ah. Hmm.
Yes.
Yes.
Um, I dropped my pen.
I'm not so sure about...
Oh, I see. I see.
Hi. Um, does this seem weird?
Why does this guy
have contracts?
Ever see
The Twilight Zone
where the guy
signed a contract,
they cut out his tongue,
put it in a jar,
and it wouldn't die?
It grew and pulsated
and gave birth to baby tongues.
Pretty cool, huh?
I got to go.
I like this part.
I feel we can work with you
on this project.
You've made Mr.Vanderhoff
a very happy man.
To Wayne's World.
- To Wayne's World.
- To Wayne's World.
We got $5,000
We got $5,000
We got $5,000
We got $5,000
- Hey, Wayne.
- Check it out.
We got $5,000
We got $5,000
Ain't got no reason
For reaction
Party!
Whoo!
Ain't got no reason
for distraction
Great party, huh, guys?
Love the way
that you love me, baby
Love the way
that you stare
Uh-oh. Stacy alert.
We're being pulled in
by her tractor beam.
I got to go.
We got to go.
Ooh, if you dare
Don't be afraid
to love me
Anywhere
Dream weaver
I believe you can get me
through the night
Don't be afraid
to love me
Anywhere
Won't you touch me
Won't you love me
Just let me know
God, she's amazing.
I'll be there
Wayne, Wayne, Garth told me
about the show, man.
I love you, man.
Yeah, and I love you,
too, Terry.
No, I mean it, man.
I love you.
No, I mean it.
I love you.
No, you don't, man.
Why don't you love me
Garth, come over here.
Terry has something
to say to you.
I love you, man.
Thank you.
Oh
I'll be there
Oh, I'll be there
Oh, I'll be there
Your vocals
are incredible.
Thanks.
You have a very
interesting look.
Aha.
Oh, I'm not trying
to pick up on you.
Good thing.
No, I'm producing
a television show.
It's in Chicago.
Very late night.
We're looking
for a musical act.
Here's my card.
Is there a number
I can reach you at?
We got fliers at the door.
Hello.
So hot and bothered
Hot and bothered
Wayne?
Hi, Wayne.
Hi.
Want to go somewhere
and talk?
Sure.
What's going on in there?
Just a minute.
We'd like to go
to the bathroom, please.
In this century.
How long
you been waiting?
Like an hour now.
Uh...
Hi, Garth.
Uh...
hi.
I'm looking for Wayne.
He seems to be going through
this difficult phase.
You know what I think?
That you're mental?
You know him best.
What should I do?
Get over it. Go out
with somebody else.
Get over it. Go out
with somebody else.
Yeah, thanks.
O.K., great.
Hi.
So who's
this guy Benjamin?
Only one of the most
important producers in television.
He's ahead of his time.
We've signed with him.
He's based in Chicago.
He's interested
in the band.
Of course.
I love your band.
You guys wail.
Thanks.
You guys kick ass.
You're Double Live Gonzo!
Intensity in Ten Cities.
Live at Budokan.
If you got a break,
you could make it.
And if a frog
had wings,
he wouldn't bump his ass
when he hopped.
Interesting.
Where did you
learn English?
College...
and the Police Academy movies.
Ah.
Cassandra...
I've got something
I want to say to you.
[ Speaking Cantonese ]
Campbell, that's amazing.
You learned to say
I look pretty in Cantonese.
Hi, Wayne.
Hello, Stacy.
Sit right here.
[ Stacy ] Kiss me.
You make me laugh.
Can I call you?
Anytime.
Look out!
- Aah!
- Aah!
Oops.
[ Whistling The Theme
To Star Trek ]
Sometimes I wish
I could boldly go
where no man's
gone before,
but I'll probably
stay in Aurora.
What are you
thinking about?
Cassandra.
She's a fox.
In French,
she'd be called la renard.
She'd be hunted with only
her cunning to protect her.
She's a babe.
She's a robo-babe.
In Latin, she'd be called
babia majora.
If she were
a president,
she'd be
Babe-raham Lincoln.
Did you ever find
Bugs Bunny attractive
when he'd put on a dress
and play a girl bunny?
No.
No.
Neither did I.
I was just asking.
O.K., O.K.,
keep looking up.
O.K.
- Aah!
- Aah!
Whoo!
Whoo-hoo!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Guys, I will be talking
to the cameraman
on the headset.
Terry will give you
hand cues.
Excuse me, Russell,
but I believe
I requested the hand job.
Let's go on.
The cue is--
watch carefully--
5...4...3...
You didn't say 2 or 1.
You don't say 2 or 1.
Why not?
You just don't, O.K.?
Now, it goes...
5...4...3...
Good. O.K., good.
- Ow!
- Ow!
We're ready
for rehearsal,
unless there are
any questions.
Yeah, um...does this
seem weird to anybody else?
I mean, we're looking down
on Wayne's basement,
only that's not
Wayne's basement.
Isn't that weird?
That's twisted.
That's weird, man,
that's weird.
Garth, that was a haiku.
[ Telephone Rings ]
- Russell.
- Control room.
Oh, hello, Benjamin.
Just finishing up
with the Vanderhoffs.
They'd like to look
at rehearsal
and make sure we're
not wasting their money.
Not a good idea, sir.
Great.
Come in.
Your landing gear is down.
Just put that down.
Ow.
Just go away, guys.
Hey, hey, hey!
Russell's excited
you're coming to the studio.
Oh, the studio.
That's where
the magic happens.
You've worked
in television?
No, I watch a lot.
Of course you do.
You're creative.
She came up with the name
Noah's Arcade.
I just opened my mouth
and out it came.
You're a lucky man,
Mr.Vanderhoff.
Bring in the blue screen.
Let's try one.
Ready to cue
Wayne and Garth, and go.
O.K.
In 5...4...3...
Good, Terry.
Wayne, Garth,
don't count along.
We see your mouths moving.
Again.
In 5...4...3...
Guys?
You're nodding.
Once again, Terry.
In 5...4...3...2...
Welcome to Wayne's World.
Party on, Garth.
Party on, Wayne.
We got a new feature
on Wayne's World
which allows us to travel
through time and space.
It's called chromakey,
and it's really handy
if you want
to go to...New York.
We're in New York!
I got a gun. Let's go
to a Broadway show.
I guess kids get this?
Oh, they love it.
Or maybe you prefer Hawaii.
Muka laka hickey.
Come on, you wanna lay me.
Pass the poi. Mahalo.
Or say you want
to go to Texas.
Howdy, partners.
Let's raise and rope broncos.
Let's go down
to the floor.
Howdy, y'all.
Or imagine being magically
whisked away to...
Delaware.
Hi.
I'm in Delaware.
Noah and Mimi Vanderhoff,
say hello to Wayne Campbell
and Garth Algar.
Pleasure to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
Garth, how do you like
being in a real studio?
It's like a new
pair of underwear.
At first
it's constrictive,
but after a while,
it becomes a part of you.
I got to go.
O.K.
No, no, no. Please.
Wayne, I used to be
in meat packing.
Lips and hooves.
One day, I had
a four-hour layover in Tulsa.
These kids in the airport
kept pumping quarters
into a game called Pong.
They must've gone
through 50 bucks.
I sat there watching
and said, "Hell, I'm in
the wrong business."
15 years later,
I'm a millionaire.
It's so huge.
Thanks.
Do I frighten you?
No.
Do you want me to?
Noah, I love you
on that couch.
You think?
Noah does
all his own commercials.
Yeah, I got a new one
where I rap.
Come bust a move
where the games are played
It's chill,
it's fresh
It's Noah's Arcade
What do you think of that?
I'd have to say...
ass sphincter says what?
What?
A sphincter says what?
What?
Exactly.
We've got a lunch.
That's what I think of it.
It's been a pleasure.
May I say I've had
a thrilling day.
You may.
Shall we?
And may I say
your wife's a babe.
Thank you.
We have a table.
[ Woof Woof ]
What is it, girl?
[ Woof ]
Aliens have
kidnapped Wayne?
[ Woof ]
Oh, I misunderstood.
Wayne's outside.
Thanks, girl.
O.K.
Game on.
Game on.
Game on.
He shoots, he scores!
1 for 1.
Crowd is going wild!
[ Honk Honk ]
- Car.
- Car.
Game on.
Game on.
O.K., let's go.
Worsley cuts down the angle.
Gretzky shoots!
Oh, Gretzky is denied!
Choked on the open net.
Wayne?
Yeah?
Do you feel Benjamin's
not one of us?
Good call.
It's as if Benjamin
wants us to be liked
by everyone.
Led Zeppelin didn't write tunes
that everyone liked.
They left that
to the Bee Gees.
[ Honk Honk ]
- Car.
- Car.
Game on.
Game on.
Uh-oh. Incoming.
Stacy, 10:00.
Hi, Wayne.
Hi.
Hey, are you all right?
Oops.
[ Wayne ]
And she's O.K.
Game on.
Yeah, game on.
[ Electric Motor Whines ]
You know, Garth,
you and I have
never really talked.
O.K.
You know, I love
what you do on the show.
I look at you,
and I just laugh and laugh.
Uh-huh.
Let me run this by you
because you're a sharp guy.
I'm thinking about
giving Vanderhoff
a weekly interview
on the show.
How would you feel
about making a change?
We fear change.
[ Electric Motor Starts ]
[ Motor Slows Down
And Stops ]
Cassandra,
I have to say it--
You look excellent.
Thanks. I've been so busy
lately with my band,
I thought I was
getting meningitis.
I thought I had mono
for an entire year.
It turned out I was
just really bored.
You're so fine
You're so fine,
you blow my mind
Excuse me?
I'm sorry. It's the last song
I heard this morning.
I hate when that happens.
Hey, Mickey,
you're so fine
You're so fine,
you blow my mind
Hey, Mickey
Hey, Mickey
Hey, Mickey,
you're so fine
You're so fine,
you blow my mind
Hey, Mickey
I think I'm going
to put on some tunes.
Hey, when did you
get the CD player?
When we got the money.
So big boy said
you are bad news
We're tired of mama
bein' confused
It's plain to see
we rock 'n' roll
If you don't like it,
got to move
There it is--
Excalibur.
Wow. '64 Fender Stratocaster
in classic white
with triple single coil pickups
and a whammy bar.
Pre-CBS Fender
corporate buy-out.
I'd raise the bridge,
file down the nut,
and take the buzz
out of the low "E."
God, I love this woman.
[ Chimes Clang ]
Hi, Garth.
Where's the clerk?
I know. I'll use
the "May I help you" riff.
[ Heavy Metal Riff ]
May I help you?
Yes, my good man.
I'd like to look at this
Fender Stratocaster, please.
Oh, really? Again?
Yes.
Careful.
No Stairway.
Denied!
Wow.
You're...amazing, dude.
Thanks.
I like to play.
[ Ting ]
Excuse me. Wayne.
Can I put the Fender
back now, please?
Not today, my good man.
I'm feeling saucy.
I think I'm going to buy it.
Do you accept... cash?
Cha-ching.
Have you spoken to Wayne
about the Vanderhoff spot?
Yes. Briefly.
He was not very receptive.
Oh, really? Well, I'll explain
to him that it's not a choice,
that it's in his contract.
Oh. Well, Wayne
will understand that right away.
Not.
Excuse me.
I mean, there's two
Darrin Stevens, right?
Dick York, Dick Sargent.
Yeah, right, as if
we wouldn't notice.
Well, hold on.
Dick York. Dick Sargent.
Sergeant York.
Wow, that's weird.
Wayne.
Listen, we need to have
a talk about Vanderhoff.
The fact is,
he's the sponsor
and you signed a contract
guaranteeing him
certain concessions, one of them
being a spot on the show.
That's where I see things
just a little differently.
Contract or no, I will
not bow to any sponsor.
I'm sorry
you feel that way,
but basically,
it's the nature of the beast.
Maybe I'm wrong
on this one,
but for me, the beast
doesn't include selling out.
Garth, you know what
I'm talking about, right?
It's, like, people only do things
because they get paid,
and that's
just really sad.
I can't talk about it anymore.
It's giving me a headache.
Here. Take two of these.
Ah. Nuprin.
Little. Yellow.
Different.
You can stay here
in the big leagues
and play by the rules
or go back to
the farm club in Aurora.
It's your choice.
Yes. And it's the choice
of a new generation.
[ Imitating Paul McCartney ]
And her name was Cassandra
Yeah.
Anything wrong, Davey?
Yeah. I got paid today.
Oh, yeah, I know
what that's like.
No. You don't understand.
They laid me off.
I got one of these.
I know how that feels.
Know what
I'd like to do?
Yeah, I know what
you'd like to do--
Find the guy
that did it,
rip his still beating
heart out of his chest
and show him how black it is
before he dies.
Actually, I was thinking
about filing a grievance
with the union.
Well, the world's
a twisted place.
Hi.
- Hey, Garth.
- How's it going?
Good.
Hey. There she is.
[ Tchaikovsky's Romeo And Juliet
Fantasy Overture Plays ]
Aah!
I must've slipped.
Wayne, um...
what do you do
if every time you see this
one incredible woman,
you think
you're going to hurl?
I say hurl.
If you blow chunks
and she comes back, she's yours.
If you spew
and she bolts,
it was never
meant to be.
Oh...I'm not ready yet.
I got to be comfortable
with me first.
[ Cassandra ]
Why don't you just go talk to her?
Talk to her?
Talk to her?
[ Jimi Hendrix's
Foxy Lady Begins ]
Foxy.
Foxy.
Uh, you know
you are a
Cute little
heartbreaker
Ha!
Foxy.
Yeah.
And you know
you are a
Sweet little lovemaker
Ha!
Foxy.
I wanna take you home
Yeah
I won't do you no harm
You've got to be
all mine
All mine
Ooh! Foxy lady
Here I come, baby.
Im comin' to get ya.
Why don't you just
go talk to her?
Go talk to her?
Go talk to her?
Garth?
Camera one.
Camera two.
Camera one.
Camera two.
Camera one, camera two.
Camera one,
camera two.
Ha ha ha! Don't.
Camera one,
camera two.
[ Giggling ]
Tell me...when that
first show is over,
will you still love me when I'm
an incredibly humongoid, giant star?
Yeah.
What about when I'm in my
hanging-out-with-Ravi-Shankar phase?
Yeah.
And when I'm in my
carbohydrate-sequin-jumpsuit,
young-girls-
in-white-cotton-panties,
waking-up-in-a-pool-
of-your-own-vomit,
bloated, purple,
dead-on-a-toilet phase?
Yeah.
O.K. Party. Bonus.
[ Telephone Rings ]
Yeah?
Oh, hi, Anthony.
Who's Anthony?
Who's Anthony?
My drummer.
O.K.
You what?
No. I told you next week
we'll be doing
a music video.
Do you mind?
This is business.
Hey, you want to be a busboy
the rest of your life?
Well, then talk
to your boss.
Look, this guy Benjamin's putting up
serious money for this thing.
Yeah.
[ Imitating Marilyn Monroe ]
Happy birthday
Mr.President
Happy birthday
To you
Work it out, O.K.?
Just-- no,
just be there.
O.K. Bye.
You asshole!
Oh!
Whoo!
Excellent.
Rrr! Rrska, rrska!
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
So motion to me
That you wanted me
Hey. All right.
Glad you could make it.
Oh, wow.
Yes.
Cool.
Yes. This is definitely
the type of place
I'm going to get
when I move out
of my parents' house.
Oh, you have a terrace!
Yeah. Go on out.
I'll get the Dom Perignon.
What's goin' on...
What floor is this?
Um...the 23rd.
Oh.
Oh.
You know...
Cassandra...
from this height,
you could really
hawk a lugie on someone.
[ Prepares To Spit ]
I feel so free up here.
Costs a lot
to live this free.
[ Wayne ]
This might be a tangent, right,
but it's something
I've been thinking about...
Hi. If I had a girl
like Cassandra,
I wouldn't bring her here.
I mean,
look at this place.
This is a fully
functional babe lair.
Chicks are helpless
against its powers.
Let's check it out.
I don't believe I've ever had
French champagne before.
Oh, actually,
all champagne is French.
It's named
after the region.
Otherwise,
it's sparkling white wine.
Americans,
of course,
don't recognize
the convention,
so they call all their
sparkling whites champagne,
even though by definition
they're not.
Ah, yes. It's a lot like
Star Trek: The Next Generation.
In many ways,
it's superior,
but will never be as recognized
as the original.
Aha. What's this?
How To Pick Up Chicks.
How To Meet Women.
He's smooth.
Aha.
"Daily reminder--
"Thursday.
"Purchase feeble
public access cable show
and exploit it."
Whoa. I feel sorry
for whoever that is.
Let's look over here.
"Ribbed for her pleasure."
Ewww!
The show looks great.
Mr.Vanderhoff's very excited.
I'm very excited.
I think the show's
going to be a huge hit
all over the Chicagoland area.
I want you and Garth
to have these tickets
to Alice Cooper's concert
tomorrow night
in Milwaukee.
Wow. Backstage passes.
Whoa. All-access backstage
with Alice Cooper?
Thank you.
Take the day off.
Enjoy yourselves.
Well, what about Cassandra?
She and I
have work to do.
Here's to your success.
No. Here's to Benjamin.
Mmm-- who wants
Chinese takeout?
I know a great place.
I'll have the cream
of sum yung guy.
Mmm!
Cassandra,
why don't you order?
No. I'm sure whatever
you order will be fine.
Oh. O.K.
[ Speaking Cantonese ]
[ Speaking Cantonese ]
[ Speaking Cantonese ]
Mountain Dew.
Pepsi Cola.
[ Speaking Cantonese ]
This guy is good.
Picked up a little Cantonese
while in the orient.
You sound a lot like you're from
Kowloon Bay as opposed to Hong Kong.
I was born
in Kowloon Bay.
There you have it.
This guy's really good.
Well, I want
to tell you about me
I asked you to stay
And still you leave
Well, I may look
lonely and blue
But I've been here
waitin' for you
And I
Want an answer or two
Why you wanna break
my heart?
Ooh, ooh, why you
wanna break my heart?
Ooh, ooh, why you
wanna break my heart?
Ooh, ooh, why you
wanna break my heart?
Sounds great!
Thanks.
You got a minute?
Sure. You guys hang out.
I came by to drop off
the contract for the video.
Oh, great.
I never really got a chance
to say thank you.
You've been very generous.
It's been my pleasure.
Listen, I thought if
you were done here
that maybe we could spend
the afternoon together.
Take a long, long ride
with yourself
We should be pretty
close to Milwaukee by now.
Take a long, long ride
with yourself
Do you like
what you see...
Look! There's
Shotz Brewery!
Cool!
1, 2, 3, 4,
5, 6, 7, 8...
schlemiel,
schlemazel.
Hausenpfeffer
Incorporated.
We're gonna do it
- Aah!
- Aah!
Give us any chance,
we'll take it
Read us any rule,
we'll break it
We're gonna make
our dreams come true
Doin' it our way
Nothing's gonna
turn us back now
Straight ahead
and on the track now
We're gonna make
our dreams come true
Doin' it our way
Hey, wait a minute.
What are we doing?
Yeah! We got backstage passes
for Alice Cooper!
Feed my Frankenstein
[ Cheering ]
Well, I ain't evil
I'm just good-lookin'
I started the fire
Baby, start cookin'
I'm a hungry man
But I don't want pizza
I'll blow down your house
And then I'm gonna eat ya
Bring you to a simmer
Right on time
And run my greasy fingers
Up your greasy spine
Feed my Frankenstein
Do you want to go backstage?
She's a psycho
Yeah. Let's go back now
and beat the crowd.
Feed my Frankenstein
Hungry for love
And it's feedin' time,
baby, whoa, whoa
Oh, yeah
Feed my Frankenstei-ei-ein
Where you going?
Got a pass.
- Yay!
- Backstage passes, yeah!
- Whoo!
- Yeah!
Whoo! Ha ha ha!
Feed my Frankenstein
Uh-oh. I think
we took a wrong turn,
'cause we're outside now.
Whoa! Look!
Is this Alice's limo?
No. It belongs
to Frank Sharp,
head of Sharp Records.
Good friend of Alice's.
Wow. That's, like, way bigger
than a normal size car.
Well, it has to be.
He drives everywhere.
Hates to fly.
He's going across
the country right now
to look for new acts
to sign to his label.
Next stop is St. Louis.
Then he'll come back through Chicago
on his way to Detroit.
Thanks.
You know,
for a security guard,
he had an awful lot of information,
don't you think?
[ Cheering ]
[ Cooper ]
Thank you, Milwaukee!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, ladies.
Sorry, ladies.
I'm sorry. No--
Oh, you got pass--
all right. Come on.
Let us through,
please!
Can't let you in.
Sorry.
Please? Aw...
Alice. Is this cool?
Yeah. Come on in.
Sorry to bother you,
but we had to tell you
how much we enjoyed the show,
didn't we, Garth?
Y-Y-Y...
Oh. Thanks.
We're not mental or anything,
so don't be afraid.
We're not mental or anything,
so don't be afraid.
My name is Wayne,
and this is Garth.
Ehhh...
Nice to meet you guys.
So do you...
come to Milwaukee often?
Well, I'm a regular visitor here,
but Milwaukee has certainly
had its share of visitors.
The French missionaries
and explorers
were coming here as early
as the late 1600s
to trade with
the Native Americans.
Isn't Milwaukee an Indian name?
Yes, Pete, it is.
Actually,
it's pronounced meeleewahkay,
which is Algonquin
for the good land.
I was not aware of that.
One of the most
interesting aspects of Milwaukee
is the fact that it's
the only major American city
to have ever elected
three socialist mayors.
Does this guy
know how to party or what?
Huh? Huh?
Oh.
O.K. Well, we got
to get going.
No. Stick around.
Hang out with us.
Cool. Yeah, we'll stay and
hang around with youse...
with Alice Cooper.
We're not worthy!
We're not worthy!
We're not worthy!
We're scum!
We suck!
Our first big show.
We almost didn't make it.
I really hope
Cassandra's watching.
Oh, yeah, perfect.
Whatever it costs--
- How's it going?
- Hi, guys.
Well, tonight's the night.
A lot of people
in the Chicagoland area
will be watching the show.
I already know
it's going to be a hit.
I'll be in the booth.
Mr.Vanderhoff
will be your first guest.
Oh, hi, boys.
What the hell is this?
Can we fly in
the sign, please?
That's it.
Bring her down.
- Wha--
- Oh...look.
Don't tense up.
You'll be great.
Garth, have you
got a second?
Uh...Wh...
Simply read the cards.
You're going to be
wonderful. Really.
O.K.?
Oh, Russell...
can I borrow
your marker?
I, uh...I need
to make some notes.
Good luck.
My guys.
You're my guys!
Your name
is pronounced Algar, right?
O.K.
Wayne!
They'll be fine.
Good.
- Stand by...
- This is it, honey.
In 5...
4...
3...
Wayne's World is brought to you
by Noah's Arcade.
Party on, Wayne.
Hey!
Wayne's World
Wayne's World
Party time
Excellent
It's Friday. It's 11:30.
It's time to party
with your excellent host
Wayne Campbell,
and with him, as always,
is Garth.
Party on, Wayne,
and party on, Garth.
Wayne's World
O.K. Welcome
to Wayne's World.
Party on, Garth.
I guess.
O.K. O.K.,
first of all,
we'd like to take a moment here
on Wayne's World
to welcome our sponsor.
He's the owner of a fine chain
of Noah's Arcades--
Noah Vanderhoff.
Nice name...
not.
Now, uh,
Mr.Vanderhoff...
He's using
the cards. Yes!
I told you
he'd fall in line.
What is your most
popular video game right now?
Uh, Desert Storm
Commando Warrior.
- Ha ha ha.
- Ha ha ha.
That would have to do with that
limited skirmish in the Middle East.
Yes.
What the hell's he doing?
[ Wayne ] Aren't there long lines
for your more popular games?
Well, at Noah's Arcade,
we like to say
there's two of everything,
so there's never a line.
Ha ha.
O.K. Now, tell me, Noah,
I've always wanted to know--
What is the difference
between Pac-Man
and Ms.Pac-Man, really?
Well, she has a bow on her head.
That's it?
- Ha ha!
- Ha ha!
Get right
out of town.
No, that's it.
Heh heh.
- Ha ha ha!
- Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
Thank you for being
on Wayne's World.
It was informative
and stimulating.
Now a word from our sponsor.
We're at commercial.
Oh, that was fun.
I'll see you next week.
I hope.
Wayne, could you
come to the booth, please?
Oh, honey,
you were incredible.
I think it went
really well.
Absolutely. There was a huge
response up in that little room.
Those phrases were not on the cards
when I gave them to him.
Wayne. What the hell
is going on?
What are you doing?
Same thing we always do.
You've publicly
humiliated the sponsor.
Yeah.
You're fired.
Fired? For that?
Yeah. Right.
I'm out of here,
and I'm taking
my show with me.
We own the show.
Aw, bite me.
O.K.
Are we back?
Stand by.
Coming back?
And go.
5...
4...
3...
I'm having
a good time...
not.
Ever see that scene in Scanners
when that dude's head blew up?
Uh...
Uh...
Uh...
[ Telephone Rings ]
Hello.
Hello.
It's Benjamin.
Oh, hi.
Uh, listen,
did you see the show tonight?
I was working,
so I only saw the first part,
but I laughed my ass off.
We had some
technical difficulties,
and we're still playing
with the format, but...
has Wayne talked to you?
About what?
Why? Are you
canceling my video?
No. In fact, I called
to make sure we're still on.
Well, we got
a deal, right?
Absolutely.
I'll see you in Chicago.
O.K.
Bye.
You really
pissed me off tonight.
Garth, you've never been mad
at anything in your life.
But you shouldn't
have walked out on the show.
I handled it O.K.,
but you shouldn't
walk out on your friend
without telling him first.
I have to run everything
by you now?
Yeah, you have to
run everything by me now.
What am I,
some sort of chimp
with you as always
is Garth?
Jim to your
Marlin Perkins?
You know, Benjamin
had you so snowed.
You know what?
He's got it for Cassandra.
No way.
Way.
Yeah! Cassandra's
not interested.
As if.
O.K., pop quiz--
Cassandra is not interested
in Benjamin because:
A) chicks think
he's handsome;
B) has cool car;,
C) has lots of cash;
D ) has no visible scars;
E) does not live with parents.
O.K., how about--
F) you're a gimp.
You know what you can do
with your pop quiz?
You know what you can do
with your show?
You can take a flying...
[ Jet Engine Roars ]
Until the handle
breaks off
and you have
to find a doctor
to pull it out again.
Kiss your mother
with that mouth?
You've gone mental.
I'm getting out
of here, Damien.
- Fine, then. Go.
- I'm gone.
Go, then.
- I am.
- Go.
- I'm gone.
- Go, then.
I am.
Where you been?
I waited up for you last night,
and you never showed.
Where are you going?
Chicago. Benjamin set up
the video shoot.
I'll be there
for three days.
I guess Benjamin
will be there, too.
He's producing it.
And what does that mean?
He's been paying you
a lot of attention lately.
Well, maybe he thinks
I've got some talent.
Maybe he's pokin' ya.
What?
You think that's
the way I get a gig?
First he screws me,
then he screws you.
It's Dutch door action.
Could you be
any more insulting?
Yeah.
I think
you better leave.
Fine. I'm out of here.
Oh, man.
What the hell's going on?
I lost my show,
I lost my best friend,
I lost my girl.
I'm being shit on,
that's all--shit on.
And do you know
what really pisses me off?
Where are you going?
O.K., O.K.,
come on back.
Things aren't as bad
as they seem.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean
to dump on you.
I'll figure something out.
O.K.?
Hey, Mr.Doughnuthead man,
who's trying to kill you?
I don't know,
but they better not.
If you stab a man
in the dead of winter,
steam will rise up
from the wounds.
That's not good!
I'm not happy!
Oh, no!
Indians believed
it was his soul
escaping from his body.
Right, Glen.
Reee! Reee! Reee! Reee!
Reee! Reee! Reee! Reee!
Reee! Reee! Reee!
Reee! Reee! Reee!
Hi.
Hi.
I'm sorry
about what I did...
Buds?
Buds.
Officer Kuharski.
Damn shame
how they screwed up your show.
It was a nice little program.
Not that I ever watched it.
Here you go.
So, uh,
how you doing?
'K., s'pose.
Just wish
I had Cassandra back.
She's in Chicago shooting a video
with "Bun-ja-mun."
So, uh...
[ Slurping ]
What are you
going to do?
I don't know.
I do have one plan.
What are you going to do
with these guys?
Oh, nothing, really.
I just always wanted
to open a door to a room
where people
are being trained
like in James Bond movies.
Wicked.
I think you should
just go get Cassandra.
I just don't think
she wants me to.
Let me tell you
a little something
I've learned about women.
They want you
to come get them.
They love it.
I just wish there was
something I could offer her
that Benjamin couldn't.
You'll think of something.
Wait a minute.
No.
Wait a minute.
Hmm.
Wait a minute!
I know--
The guy in the limo,
Mr.Big,
the owner of Sharp records.
If we could just get him
to listen to Cassandra play.
Halt. Halt.
The security guard
at the concert said
Mr.Sharp was driving
back through Chicago on Friday.
That's right. Wow.
Aren't we lucky
we were there
to get all
that information?
It seemed extraneous
at the time.
O.K., first I'll access
the secret military spy satellite
that's in a geosynchronous orbit
over the Midwest.
Then I'll I.D. the limo
by the vanity plate "Mr.Biggg"
and get its position.
Then I'll reposition the
transmitter dish in the remote truck
to 17.32 degrees east,
hit Westar 4
over the Atlantic,
bounce the signal
down into the Azores,
up to Comsat 6,
beam it back
to Satcom 3 transponder 137,
and down to the dish
on Mr.Big's limo.
It's almost too easy.
We can only pray
he's watching television
in his limo
at that exact moment.
We'll need help.
- We'll help.
- We'll help.
You get Cassandra!
We'll do the rest!
To the Mirthmobile!
Yeah!
- Whoo!
- Whoo!
[ Honking ]
O.K., this is a take,
everybody.
I think the snake
fell asleep!
Uh...
Playback!
[ Music Plays ]
Looking good.
Ain't got no reason
for reaction
No
Ain't got no reason
for distraction
I love the way
that you love me, baby
Love the way
that you stare
Ooh, the way
that you tease me, baby
Ooh, touch me
Yeah
Touch me
This snake
weighs a ton.
It looks great on you.
I'm coming down now.
I'm telling you,
you're hot.
[ Heavy Metal Music Plays
On Radio ]
[ Radio Stops Playing ]
Yes, Officer?
Is there something wrong?
Have you seen this boy?
Aah!
Aah!
You know,
you're exactly right.
Why leave the hotel?
We'll have dinner sent up,
you can have
a hot bath,
and I'll make
some calls.
Cassandra!
We have to talk.
I don't want
to talk to you.
I don't want
to talk to you.
I've set up an audition
for your band.
My show's coming back.
You've got to be on it.
Go home.
I'm not going anywhere.
Cassandra, I love you.
You may not believe it,
but I love you.
Am I supposed to just
turn my back and leave?
Am I supposed
to be a man?
Am I supposed to say,
"That's O.K.
I don't mind."
I don't mind.
Well, I mind!
I mind big time!
And you know what
the worst part of all is?
I never learned to read.
Is that true?
Yes. Everything except
the reading part.
Very nice speech, Wayne.
We're very busy.
Of course.
Her music video.
Very clever.
But where is her band?
- Hi, Wayne.
- Hi, Wayne.
Oh, hi, guys.
I didn't see you there.
Well, I guess you've thought
of everything, huh?
Nothing left for me to do
but just go home.
Bye-bye, Wayne.
It's bedtime.
But both you and I know
that there is no film
in this camera.
Jimmy!
Wayne...
go home.
Sometimes people
outgrow one another.
It's very sad,
but you can't
let it drag you down.
Is that you...
or the snake?
Campbell, wait up!
Cassandra, I know
I don't have his looks,
I know I don't
have his money,
I know I don't
have his connections,
his knowledge
of fine wines,
I know sometimes
when I eat
I get this clicking sound
in my jaw--
Shut your yap
and get in the car.
Excellent.
[ Woof ]
That's right, girl.
Mr.Big's limousine
is right where we want it.
[ Theme From
Mission: Impossible Plays ]
Gentlemen, this is it.
Let's go.
Down now!
[ Panting ]
Wait up, guys.
I fell on my keys.
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Freeze!
Oh, hi, Russell.
How's it going?
Hold it right there.
Hey! Hey!
Watch where
you're pointing that thing.
Give me the flashlight,
Russell.
You can help us,
Russell.
No! I'm supposed
to stop you.
W-w-what are you
going to do,
be Benjamin's monkey boy
the rest of your life?
Benjamin's my friend.
No.
Benjamin is
no one's friend.
If Benjamin were
an ice cream flavor,
he'd be
pralines and dick.
It's O.K.
He's going to be...
O.K.
Hi.
- Hi.
- How's it going?
I love you, man.
I know.
No, you don't.
I...love you, man.
I know.
Just say thank you.
Hey!
Thank you.
All right.
I understand
you're doing your job,
but I'm very late.
Would you mind placing
your hands on the hood, son?
There's just one other thing
I've got to check.
Wayne's World,
Wayne's World
Party time
Excellent
[ Guitar Riff ]
O.K, this is a special
Wayne's World, O.K.?
It's for
an audience of one.
So, Mr. Frankie Sharp
of Sharp Records,
if you're watching
and you like what you see,
we're at 2234 Pine Way
in Aurora, Illinois.
So, ladies and gentlemen,
I give you Cassandra
and Crucial Taunt!
Yeah! Whoo!
Well, it's been gettin'
so hard
Livin' with the things
you do to me
My dreams are gettin'
so strange
I'd like to tell you
everythin' I see
I see a man at the back,
as a matter of fact,
his eyes are as red
as the sun,
and a girl in the corner
let no one ignore her,
'cause she thinks
she's the passionate one.
Oh, yeah!
It was like lightning
Everybody was
frightening
And the music
was soothing
And we all started
grooving
Yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
And the man at the back said,
everyone attack
And it turned into
a ballroom blitz
And the girl in the corner said,
boy, I wanna warn ya
It'll turn into
a ballroom blitz
Ballroom blitz
Ballroom blitz
I'm reachin' out
for somethin'
Touchin' nothin's
all I ever do
I softly call you over
When you appear
There's nothin' left
of you
Now the man at the back
is ready to crack
as he raises his hands
to the sky,
and the girl in the corner
is everyone's mourner.
She could kill you
with a wink of her eye.
Oh, yeah
It was electric
So frightfully hectic
And the band
started leaping
'Cause they all
stopped breathing
Yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
And the man at the back said,
everyone attack
And it turned
into a ballroom blitz
And the girl in the corner said,
boy, I wanna warn ya
It'll turn into
a ballroom blitz
Ballroom blitz
Ballroom blitz
Waaa...
Ow!
Waaaow!
Whoo!
Yeah!
Ha ha ha ow!
Hi. I'm Frankie Sharp,
Sharp Records.
I saw your performance
in my limo.
I've seen a lot
of acts in my day,
and although
you're extremely beautiful,
I just think
it's the wrong time.
I'm sorry.
You screwed my career.
I always knew
you were small-time.
Wayne, I'm pregnant.
That's why I've been so moody.
Whoa!
Look! Fire!
Let's get out of here!
Whoa!
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Why, God?
Why?
Last night was the most
incredible night
of my life.
You were terrific.
You didn't really think
she'd end up with Wayne, did you?
[ Skidding ]
As if.
As if we'd end the movie
like that. Yeah!
Let's do
the Scooby-Doo ending.
Good call.
Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo!
Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo!
Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo!
Doodle-oo!
[ Music Plays ]
Waaaow!
Hi. Frankie Sharp,
Sharp Records.
I just saw your performance
in my limo.
Wow! We got through.
Well, that wraps it up,
but there's
one last thing.
Let's just see who
you really are, mister.
It's Old Man Withers, the guy who
runs the haunted amusement park!
I would have
got away with it
if it hadn't been
for you snooping kids!
[ Imitates Scooby-Doo ]
Good one, Shaggy.
Excellent
Scooby-Doo ending.
I think we should do
the megahappy ending.
The megahappy ending.
That's doable.
Doodle-oo!
Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo!
Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo!
Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo!
[ Music Plays ]
Waaaow!
I'm Frankie Sharp,
Sharp Records.
I saw your performance
in my limo.
I must tell you,
it was terrific.
In fact, I think
it's so good,
I'm going to give you
a six-album deal.
See you in my office.
I love you, Wayne.
I love you, Cassandra.
I love you, Garth.
I love you, dreamwoman.
You know, ever since
I did your show,
kids are looking at me
in a whole new way.
I love you, man.
And I love you,
because I've learned
that Platonic love
can exist between two grown men.
And I've learned
something, too.
I've learned
that a flawless profile,
a perfect body,
the right clothes,
and a great car
can get you far in America--
almost to the top--
but it can't get you everything.
Isn't it great
that we're all better people?
- Fishnet!
- Fishnet!
Fishnet!
Fishnet!
Wayne's World
It's party time
It's excellent
Chicks go mental
when we go down the street
It's Wayne and Garth
that they wanna meet
We're in the basement
playin' with our toys
Oh, if you do not like it,
you're a sphincter boy
Wayne's World
Wayne's World
It's party time
It's excellent
Wayne's World
Wayne's World
It's party time
It's excellent
Excellent movie.
All right.
Yeah. Good one.
Well, that's all the time
we have for our movie.
We hope you found it
entertaining,
whimsical and yet relevant,
with an underlying
revisionist conceit
that belied the film's
emotional attachments
to the subject matter.
I just hope
you didn't think it sucked.
O.K. So thank you
for coming.
Good night and party on.
Party on, Wayne.
Party on, Garth.
Wayne's World
Wayne's World
It's party time
It's excellent
Wayne's World
Wayne's World
It's party time
It's excellent
Chicks go mental
when we go down the street
It's Wayne and Garth
that they wanna meet
We're in the basement
playin' with our toys
Oh, if you do not like it
you're a sphincter boy
Wayne's World
Wayne's World
It's party time
It's excellent
Wayne's World
Wayne's World
It's party time
It's excellent
We might grow old,
we might get in a rut
Yeah, right, and monkeys
might fly out of our butts
The right to party is
a battle we have fought
So we'll surrender
and go Amish...not!
Wayne's World
Wayne's World
It's party time
It's excellent
Wayne's World
Wayne's World
It's party time
It's excellent
Chicks go mental
Chicks go mental
Chicks go mental
Chicks go mental
Chicks go mental
You know,
I don't think
anyone's going to
tell us when to leave.
Yeah. Good call, Garth.
I'll bet we're just
going to sit here,
and when they're finished,
they'll fade to black.
I can't believe
they did that.
I told ya.
There are two--
pardon me--
two of everything in
every Noah's arcade.
That means
two of Zantar,
That means
two of Zantar,
Bay Wolf, Ninja Commando,
Snake-azon,
Psycho Chopper...
It's really good
seeing you, Benjamin.
You haven't been into
Shakey's for so long.
Well, I've
been real busy.
It's two for you
'cause one won't do.
All this week,
kids under 6
get every fifth--
There's a new pet.
Ch-Ch-Chia
Chia Pet--
the pottery that grows.
They are very fast.
Simple. Plug it in,
and insert the plug
from just about anything.
Simple.
Even for our customers
in Waukegan, Elgin, and Aurora--
We'll be there
right on time.
So call!
Clap on, clap off
The Clapper
Wayne's World,
Wayne's World
Party time
Excellent
[ Guitar Riff ]
O.K.
All right,
excellent.
Excellent.
Whoo!
O.K., extreme close-up!
Waa!
Waa!
Waa!
Excellent.
Excellent
extreme close-up.
Now it's time for
Wayne's World's totally amazing
excellent discoveries.
Our guest
is Ron Paxton.
Welcome to
Wayne's World, Ron.
Thanks, Wayne.
Now, you're the inventor
of the Suck Kut, right?
What exactly
is a Suck Kut?
The Suck Kut is a revolution
in home hair cutting.
Wow! What a totally amazing
excellent discovery.
Well, yes.
Fireworks!
Now, Ron, the question that's
on everybody's mind is,
how does it work?
I'm fully prepared to give
a complete demonstration.
O.K. O.K., Garth,
just sit there.
He's going to put that
thing on your melon, O.K.?
Just a trim.
Don't buzz me, all right?
Uhh! Uhh!
Ohh! Ohh!
Ohh! Ohh!
Tell me, Ron.
Exactly how does
the Suck Kut work?
Well, as you can see,
it sucks as it cuts.
It certainly
does suck.
Ohh! Ohh!
What are we looking at?
Wayne's World. These guys do
their show out of their basement.
Ohh! Ohh! Ohh!
Ohh!
Ohh!
People watch this?
Yeah, lots.
Turn it off, man!
Turn it off!
It's sucking
my will to live!
Oh, the humanity!
You want to hand me
the telephone?
Sure.
Uhh!
Uhh!
Russell, this
is Benjamin.
Are you
watching TV?
Listen, could you
turn it to channel 10?
I want you to find out
who these guys are
and where they
do their show.
I think we can
sell it to Vanderhoff.
Take your Ritalin, O.K.?
O.K., you're
in a forest.
Forest?
You're in a forest
with Heather Locklear.
With Heather?
And you're very warm.
Very...
- Warm?
- warm.
These guys
are so funny.
Oh, they're
obviously brilliant.
Hmm.
Wow! What a totally amazing
excellent discovery...not!
Thanks, Ron.
O.K., that's all the time
we have for this week.
Until then, good night!
Party on, Wayne.
Party on, Garth.
It's Wayne's World,
Wayne's World
Party time
Excellent
[ Guitar Riff ]
And...
we're clear!
All right!
Excellent!
Whoo! Whoo!
All right!
Excellent!
Excellent!
Let me bring you
up to speed.
My name is
Wayne Campbell.
I live in
Aurora, Illinois,
which is
a suburb of Chicago.
Excellent!
I've had plenty
of Joe jobs.
Nothing I'd call
a career.
Let me put it
this way.
I have an extensive collection
of name tags and hair nets.
O.K., I still
live with my parents,
which I admit
is both bogus and sad.
But at least I've got
an amazing cable access show,
and I still
know how to party.
But what
I'd really love
is to do Wayne's World
for a living.
It might happen.
Yeah, and monkeys might
fly out of my butt.
[ Horn Honks ]
Ahh, the Mirthmobile.
This is my best friend
Garth Algar.
Hi.
I think we'll go with a little
Bohemian Rhapsody, gentlemen.
Good call.
I see a little
silhouette of a man
Scaramouche,
Scaramouche
Will you do
the fandango?
Thunderbolts
and lightning
Very, very
frightening
Galileo
Galileo
- Galileo
- Galileo
Galileo, Figaro
Let me go-o-o-o
I'm just a poor boy
Nobody loves me
He's just
a poor boy
From a poor family
Spare him his life
from this monstrosity
Whoa!
It's Phil.
Phil, what are you
doing here?
You're partied out,
man...again.
What if he honks
in the car?
I'm giving you
a no-honk guarantee.
Phil! Um...
if you're
going to spew,
spew into this.
Easy come, easy go
Will you let me go?
Bismillah
No! We will not
let you go
Let him go
Bismillah
We will not
let you go
Let him go
Bismillah
We will not
let you go
Let me go
We will not
let you go
Let me go
Let me go-o-o-o
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no
Oh, mama mia,
mama mia
Mama mia,
let me go
Beelzebub
Has a devil
put aside for me
For me
For me
So you think
you can stone me
And spit in my eye
So you think you
can love me and leave me
To die
Oh, baby
Garth, pull over.
Oh! Oh, man!
Come on!
Not again.
He does this
every Friday.
Stop torturing
yourself, man!
You'll never
afford it!
Live in
the now!
It will be mine.
Oh, yes.
It will be mine.
Ooh
Oh, yeah
Oh, yeah
Nothing really matters
Anyone can see
Nothing really matters
Nothing
really matters
To me
Hey, Wayne's world!
Wayne's world! Party!
- Yeah!
- Whoo!
Excellent!
Way to go!
- Whoo!
- Whoo!
Party on, Wayne!
Hey, Campbell.
Uno momento, fellas.
Officer Kuharski,
how's it going?
Fine.
Say, I smell bacon.
Does anyone else
smell bacon?
Yeah, I
definitely smell
a pork product
of some type.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know
what you're doing, Campbell.
Bacon, pig, oink-oink,
police officer.
Ha ha ha.
I said that to cops
when I was your age.
Hey, what
are you up to?
I just pulled over
a tour bus
on its way to Chicago.
We had a tip there was
some drug smuggling going down.
We searched
the entire vehicle.
It was clean, so we proceeded
with body cavity searches.
No way.
Way! I inspected
12 individuals myself--
Inside and out.
Eeew!
Uhh!
Ugh!
O.K., this guy needs coffee
and crullers stat!
We got to get him
to Rampart.
Let's go!
This is
Stan Mikita's Donuts.
Excellent munchie post.
This is
the manager, Glen.
He's here
24 hours a day.
I recommend
the sugar pucks.
They're excellent.
Come on.
I'd never done
a crazy thing in my life
before that night.
Why is it if a man kills
another man in battle
it's called heroic?
Yet if he kills a man
in the heat of passion
it's called murder?
Hello! What do you
think you're doing?
Only me and Garth get
to talk to the camera.
Come on.
I don't really have too much
to say right now.
What's that?
Ohh! Ohh!
Hi, Mr.Withers.
How's the amusement park going?
Just great, Wayne.
Four coffees and
a half a dozen crullers, please.
And one jelly donut.
Hey, there's your girlfriend,
Garth. Yeah.
[ Tchaikovsky's Romeo And Juliet
Fantasy Overture Plays ]
Ow!
Excuse me.
I fell.
Don't you guys ever get tired
of ordering the same thing?
- No.
- No.
Uh-oh.
Don't look. Stacy.
Where?
Oh, God.
I made eye contact.
Psycho hose beast.
Happy anniversary, Wayne.
Stacy, we broke up
two months ago.
That doesn't mean
we can't still go out.
Well, it does, actually.
That's what
breaking up is.
You going to go
to the Gasworks tonight?
No!
- No!
- No!
Don't you want
to open your present?
If it's a severed head,
I'll be very upset.
Open it.
O.K.
O.K.
What is it?
It's a gun rack.
A gun rack?
A gun rack.
Yeah, great.
I don't
even own a gun,
let alone many guns
that would necessitate
an entire rack.
What am I going to do
with a gun rack?
You don't like it, fine.
[ Slurp ]
Wayne, if you're not careful,
you're going
to lose me.
I lost you
two months ago.
Are you mental?
We broke up.
Get the net!
Wayne!
Hey!
How you doing?
Garth!
Tiny, who's
playing tonight?
Jolly Green Giants,
The Shitty Beatles.
The Shitty Beatles--
are they any good?
They suck.
Then it's not just
a clever name?
Who else?
Crucial Taunt,
and they're just finishing the set.
I hear they can wail.
You're right.
Party on.
Party on.
Yo!
All right!
Now, dig this, baby!
You don't
care for me
I don't
care about that
This is the Gasworks,
an excellent
heavy metal bar.
Always a babe fest.
And they got
a pool table, too.
Let me stand
next to your fire
Party! Whoo!
Yeow! Party!
Excuse me.
Whoo!
Let me stand
next to your fire
Let me stand
Let me stand
next to your fire
Excuse me.
Um, excuse me.
What?
I'd like to get by now.
Get out of my face,
you little dweeb.
Ohh!
Ow!
I have only one
itchin' desire
Let me stand
next to your fire
Ohh
Let me stand
next to your fire
[ Mission: Impossible
Theme Plays ]
You don't
care for me
I don't care
about that
You got a new fool,
I like it like that
I have only
one burnin' desire
Let me stand
next to your fire
Excuse me.
Hey, let me stand
next to your fire
What do you want,
you little dweeb?
Oh, let me stand
next to your fire
Aah!
Thank you.
You say your mama
ain't home
It ain't my concern
Just don't play with me
and you won't get burned
Oh, dream weaver
I believe you can
get me through--
She's a babe!
Schwing!
Ohh
Yeah
Ohh
Ohh, ohh
Ohh
Hey
Ow, ow! Ha ha!
Hyah!
Yeah.
Ow! All right.
Ohh.
I love this woman.
Hey, Raymond, club soda
with a lime, please.
And would you
get me a towel?
Boy, you really wail.
Thanks.
Hey, you're that
party time guy on TV.
Wayne, right?
Yes, and you are?
Cassandra.
Cassandra.
Rough night, huh?
Everybody's kung fu fighting.
Yeah. Well,
nice meeting you.
Hey, hold on!
Can I call you sometime?
You got 5 bucks,
you can come to the rent party.
It's at my loft.
I'm there.
I got to go.
The club owner's trying to dick me
out of some money.
O.K. O.K.
See how many
people I--
That bass player's
a babe.
She makes me feel
kind of funny,
like when we used
to climb the rope in gym class.
You said I get
cash up front.
She will be mine.
Oh, yes.
She will be mine.
Pardon me.
Do you have
any Grey Poupon?
Garth,
just sit there.
He's going to put
that on your melon.
O.K., but
just a trim.
Don't buzz me,
all right?
Uhh!
Uhh!
Uhh!
Uhh! Uhh! Uhh!
Oh, no!
Russell, stop the tape.
So, what do you think?
I think it's two chimps on
a davenport in a basement.
I'm not sponsoring this.
I got spots on Love Boat,
but this?
What is this?
Mr.Vanderhoff,
this is your audience.
They're the same kids
that line up at Noah's Arcade.
It looks so cheesy.
That's where
I come in.
Russell's
our best producer.
He does Chicago P.M.
with Elaine Ronkey,
Sunshine Saturday,
The African-American Digest.
Never heard of that.
It's on very late.
It won several awards.
I think I'll stick
with Love Boat.
If I may,
speaking from
a producer / director standpoint,
kids can relate
to this show.
These guys
aren't phonies.
Kids can spot phonies.
They're very smart.
Kids know dick.
I watch them
in my arcades.
They stand like
laboratory rats
hitting the feeder bar
to get food pellets.
As long as they pump in quarters,
who gives a shit?
Let me ask you something.
What's your single biggest problem
in the arcade business?
Well, uh, keeping the customer
informed of new product.
Like, we have a new game
called Zantar.
Zantar is a gelatinous cube
that eats warriors
in a medieval village.
Every time
it eats a chieftain
you ascend
to a higher level.
Beauty part is you can't
get to the next level.
The kids keep
coughing up quarters.
Gelatinous cube
eats village--
I think it's terrific.
You know, I know nothing
about video games.
I found what you
just said riveting.
Well, I do
my own commercials.
I did not know that.
I don't mention the games
in the commercials
because the technology moves
much faster than the advertising.
I did not realize that.
Russell, did you
realize that?
No, I did not
realize that.
So, Mr.Vanderhoff,
let me see if I'm
hearing you correctly.
Are you saying
that if you had a spot,
say on a weekly show,
that you could
come on the show
and update the kids
on exactly what was new
in your arcade?
Yeah, that's it.
I'm impressed.
Wow!
Noah's Arcade presents
Wayne's World.
I think
that's brilliant.
Brilliant.
Well, thank you.
We'll get right to work
on this.
We'll send the contracts
over to your office.
We'll be in touch.
Oh.
I'd like
to think about this.
Oh, of course you would.
I wouldn't have it
any other way.
She'll validate.
Thank you.
He's in.
[ Speaking Cantonese ]
Stop it!
You're scaring me.
Oh, cool. You're learning
Cassandra's language.
I've never seen you so mental
over a girl before.
You going to marry her?
Marriage is punishment
for shoplifting in some countries.
O.K., you passed inspection.
All right.
Just barely.
Uh, O.K., that's 42.57, Wayne--
parts and labor.
No way.
Brutal.
Oh, O.K.
There you go.
All right,
we got it.
That's not enough.
What?
We got...that.
That's good,
but I need more.
Oh, man!
Why don't you use a gun?
It's not my fault.
Come on.
I suppose it's
society's fault?
More.
[ RRRrrrr ]
Cool.
All right.
[ RRRrrrr RRRrrrr ]
Here's an extra dollar.
You guys should have been
at Gasworks on Friday.
Yeah, we were there.
There was this band--
Crucial Taunt--
They had this megababe
for a lead singer. Unreal!
Phil, we were there.
Have you gone mental?
Hello?
I think we should go now.
Here you go.
Cool!
You think it's wise
to sell a show we don't own?
By tonight, we will.
Ah!
Excuse me.
Do you know where
we could find Wayne Campbell?
That'd be privileged
information.
We just want to know
where they broadcast from.
Are you a friend
or a relative?
We're neither.
Russell, I may not have
grown up around here,
but I understand these people.
This must be the place.
O.K., we're just about
out of time, right?
But first let's give
a Wayne's World salute
to the Guess jeans girl
Claudia Schiffer.
Schwing!
Schwing!
Tent pole!
She's a babe.
She's magically
babe-licious.
She tested very high
on the strokability scale.
Mmrreowww!
Ssss.
Are you through yet?
I'm getting tired
of holding this.
Yeah, that's
what she said.
O.K., so, Claudia Schiffer,
we salute you.
- Scha-wing!
- Scha-wing!
That's all the time
we have this week.
Until then, good night.
Party on, Wayne.
Wayne's World
Wayne's World
Party time
Excellent
[ Guitar Riff ]
And...we're clear.
O.K. Excellent show,
everyone.
[ Garth ]
Excellent.
Great show.
Wayne, Benjamin Kane.
Regional program director
for Oliver Communications.
Oh, hello.
I'm Russell Finley.
We spoke earlier today. Hi.
Maybe we can go somewhere
and get acquainted.
Russell,
get to know the crew.
You know anywhere nice?
Hi.
Hi.
Let me get this
out of the way--
I'm a big fan.
You are?
As I see it, your show's
capable of so much more.
We'll try harder, O.K.?
Give us a second chance.
Don't cancel us
without a second chance.
Garth, relax, all right?
Your pills?
He can't cancel us.
We're on public access.
Can I be honest?
My job, it's usually
such a bore,
but the other day something
incredible happened.
What happened?
Noah Vanderhoff,
owner of the largest
video arcade chain in Chicago,
is in my office
asking me what's with
this show Wayne's World
I hear so much about?
I have your shows on tape.
I said I'm a fan.
I put a show in.
He literally jumped
out of his seat.
- Cool.
- Cool.
He wants to sponsor
the show,
put you on our station,
and pay you
a huge salary.
He doesn't realize
you're both artists.
You're not interested
in money.
No, we're not
interested in money.
That's what I told him.
But he said take them
two cashier's checks anyway
so they know I'm serious.
I may be wasting my time,
but here I am
with the contract
and two cashier's checks
for $5,000 each.
Exsqueeze me?
Baking powder?
You're going to pay us
for doing Wayne's World?
Give me the word.
I'll tear up
these checks.
[ Chokes ]
No! No!
He shoots,
he scores!
Want to look
at the contracts?
Yes.
Do you have a lawyer?
Yes. Uh...no.
We're between
lawyers right now.
Our first lawyer
screwed our affairs so badly.
That's right. I walked
right into that office,
I grabbed him
by his big fat head,
and I said I'm not going to jail
for you or anybody.
Exactly.
Can I have an opportunity
to peruse that contract
before we sign it?
Hmm.
Yes.
Yes.
I like what
you've done here.
Ah. Hmm.
Yes.
Yes.
Um, I dropped my pen.
I'm not so sure about...
Oh, I see. I see.
Hi. Um, does this seem weird?
Why does this guy
have contracts?
Ever see
The Twilight Zone
where the guy
signed a contract,
they cut out his tongue,
put it in a jar,
and it wouldn't die?
It grew and pulsated
and gave birth to baby tongues.
Pretty cool, huh?
I got to go.
I like this part.
I feel we can work with you
on this project.
You've made Mr.Vanderhoff
a very happy man.
To Wayne's World.
- To Wayne's World.
- To Wayne's World.
We got $5,000
We got $5,000
We got $5,000
We got $5,000
- Hey, Wayne.
- Check it out.
We got $5,000
We got $5,000
Ain't got no reason
For reaction
Party!
Whoo!
Ain't got no reason
for distraction
Great party, huh, guys?
Love the way
that you love me, baby
Love the way
that you stare
Uh-oh. Stacy alert.
We're being pulled in
by her tractor beam.
I got to go.
We got to go.
Ooh, if you dare
Don't be afraid
to love me
Anywhere
Dream weaver
I believe you can get me
through the night
Don't be afraid
to love me
Anywhere
Won't you touch me
Won't you love me
Just let me know
God, she's amazing.
I'll be there
Wayne, Wayne, Garth told me
about the show, man.
I love you, man.
Yeah, and I love you,
too, Terry.
No, I mean it, man.
I love you.
No, I mean it.
I love you.
No, you don't, man.
Why don't you love me
Garth, come over here.
Terry has something
to say to you.
I love you, man.
Thank you.
Oh
I'll be there
Oh, I'll be there
Oh, I'll be there
Your vocals
are incredible.
Thanks.
You have a very
interesting look.
Aha.
Oh, I'm not trying
to pick up on you.
Good thing.
No, I'm producing
a television show.
It's in Chicago.
Very late night.
We're looking
for a musical act.
Here's my card.
Is there a number
I can reach you at?
We got fliers at the door.
Hello.
So hot and bothered
Hot and bothered
Wayne?
Hi, Wayne.
Hi.
Want to go somewhere
and talk?
Sure.
What's going on in there?
Just a minute.
We'd like to go
to the bathroom, please.
In this century.
How long
you been waiting?
Like an hour now.
Uh...
Hi, Garth.
Uh...
hi.
I'm looking for Wayne.
He seems to be going through
this difficult phase.
You know what I think?
That you're mental?
You know him best.
What should I do?
Get over it. Go out
with somebody else.
Get over it. Go out
with somebody else.
Yeah, thanks.
O.K., great.
Hi.
So who's
this guy Benjamin?
Only one of the most
important producers in television.
He's ahead of his time.
We've signed with him.
He's based in Chicago.
He's interested
in the band.
Of course.
I love your band.
You guys wail.
Thanks.
You guys kick ass.
You're Double Live Gonzo!
Intensity in Ten Cities.
Live at Budokan.
If you got a break,
you could make it.
And if a frog
had wings,
he wouldn't bump his ass
when he hopped.
Interesting.
Where did you
learn English?
College...
and the Police Academy movies.
Ah.
Cassandra...
I've got something
I want to say to you.
[ Speaking Cantonese ]
Campbell, that's amazing.
You learned to say
I look pretty in Cantonese.
Hi, Wayne.
Hello, Stacy.
Sit right here.
[ Stacy ] Kiss me.
You make me laugh.
Can I call you?
Anytime.
Look out!
- Aah!
- Aah!
Oops.
[ Whistling The Theme
To Star Trek ]
Sometimes I wish
I could boldly go
where no man's
gone before,
but I'll probably
stay in Aurora.
What are you
thinking about?
Cassandra.
She's a fox.
In French,
she'd be called la renard.
She'd be hunted with only
her cunning to protect her.
She's a babe.
She's a robo-babe.
In Latin, she'd be called
babia majora.
If she were
a president,
she'd be
Babe-raham Lincoln.
Did you ever find
Bugs Bunny attractive
when he'd put on a dress
and play a girl bunny?
No.
No.
Neither did I.
I was just asking.
O.K., O.K.,
keep looking up.
O.K.
- Aah!
- Aah!
Whoo!
Whoo-hoo!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Guys, I will be talking
to the cameraman
on the headset.
Terry will give you
hand cues.
Excuse me, Russell,
but I believe
I requested the hand job.
Let's go on.
The cue is--
watch carefully--
5...4...3...
You didn't say 2 or 1.
You don't say 2 or 1.
Why not?
You just don't, O.K.?
Now, it goes...
5...4...3...
Good. O.K., good.
- Ow!
- Ow!
We're ready
for rehearsal,
unless there are
any questions.
Yeah, um...does this
seem weird to anybody else?
I mean, we're looking down
on Wayne's basement,
only that's not
Wayne's basement.
Isn't that weird?
That's twisted.
That's weird, man,
that's weird.
Garth, that was a haiku.
[ Telephone Rings ]
- Russell.
- Control room.
Oh, hello, Benjamin.
Just finishing up
with the Vanderhoffs.
They'd like to look
at rehearsal
and make sure we're
not wasting their money.
Not a good idea, sir.
Great.
Come in.
Your landing gear is down.
Just put that down.
Ow.
Just go away, guys.
Hey, hey, hey!
Russell's excited
you're coming to the studio.
Oh, the studio.
That's where
the magic happens.
You've worked
in television?
No, I watch a lot.
Of course you do.
You're creative.
She came up with the name
Noah's Arcade.
I just opened my mouth
and out it came.
You're a lucky man,
Mr.Vanderhoff.
Bring in the blue screen.
Let's try one.
Ready to cue
Wayne and Garth, and go.
O.K.
In 5...4...3...
Good, Terry.
Wayne, Garth,
don't count along.
We see your mouths moving.
Again.
In 5...4...3...
Guys?
You're nodding.
Once again, Terry.
In 5...4...3...2...
Welcome to Wayne's World.
Party on, Garth.
Party on, Wayne.
We got a new feature
on Wayne's World
which allows us to travel
through time and space.
It's called chromakey,
and it's really handy
if you want
to go to...New York.
We're in New York!
I got a gun. Let's go
to a Broadway show.
I guess kids get this?
Oh, they love it.
Or maybe you prefer Hawaii.
Muka laka hickey.
Come on, you wanna lay me.
Pass the poi. Mahalo.
Or say you want
to go to Texas.
Howdy, partners.
Let's raise and rope broncos.
Let's go down
to the floor.
Howdy, y'all.
Or imagine being magically
whisked away to...
Delaware.
Hi.
I'm in Delaware.
Noah and Mimi Vanderhoff,
say hello to Wayne Campbell
and Garth Algar.
Pleasure to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
Garth, how do you like
being in a real studio?
It's like a new
pair of underwear.
At first
it's constrictive,
but after a while,
it becomes a part of you.
I got to go.
O.K.
No, no, no. Please.
Wayne, I used to be
in meat packing.
Lips and hooves.
One day, I had
a four-hour layover in Tulsa.
These kids in the airport
kept pumping quarters
into a game called Pong.
They must've gone
through 50 bucks.
I sat there watching
and said, "Hell, I'm in
the wrong business."
15 years later,
I'm a millionaire.
It's so huge.
Thanks.
Do I frighten you?
No.
Do you want me to?
Noah, I love you
on that couch.
You think?
Noah does
all his own commercials.
Yeah, I got a new one
where I rap.
Come bust a move
where the games are played
It's chill,
it's fresh
It's Noah's Arcade
What do you think of that?
I'd have to say...
ass sphincter says what?
What?
A sphincter says what?
What?
Exactly.
We've got a lunch.
That's what I think of it.
It's been a pleasure.
May I say I've had
a thrilling day.
You may.
Shall we?
And may I say
your wife's a babe.
Thank you.
We have a table.
[ Woof Woof ]
What is it, girl?
[ Woof ]
Aliens have
kidnapped Wayne?
[ Woof ]
Oh, I misunderstood.
Wayne's outside.
Thanks, girl.
O.K.
Game on.
Game on.
Game on.
He shoots, he scores!
1 for 1.
Crowd is going wild!
[ Honk Honk ]
- Car.
- Car.
Game on.
Game on.
O.K., let's go.
Worsley cuts down the angle.
Gretzky shoots!
Oh, Gretzky is denied!
Choked on the open net.
Wayne?
Yeah?
Do you feel Benjamin's
not one of us?
Good call.
It's as if Benjamin
wants us to be liked
by everyone.
Led Zeppelin didn't write tunes
that everyone liked.
They left that
to the Bee Gees.
[ Honk Honk ]
- Car.
- Car.
Game on.
Game on.
Uh-oh. Incoming.
Stacy, 10:00.
Hi, Wayne.
Hi.
Hey, are you all right?
Oops.
[ Wayne ]
And she's O.K.
Game on.
Yeah, game on.
[ Electric Motor Whines ]
You know, Garth,
you and I have
never really talked.
O.K.
You know, I love
what you do on the show.
I look at you,
and I just laugh and laugh.
Uh-huh.
Let me run this by you
because you're a sharp guy.
I'm thinking about
giving Vanderhoff
a weekly interview
on the show.
How would you feel
about making a change?
We fear change.
[ Electric Motor Starts ]
[ Motor Slows Down
And Stops ]
Cassandra,
I have to say it--
You look excellent.
Thanks. I've been so busy
lately with my band,
I thought I was
getting meningitis.
I thought I had mono
for an entire year.
It turned out I was
just really bored.
You're so fine
You're so fine,
you blow my mind
Excuse me?
I'm sorry. It's the last song
I heard this morning.
I hate when that happens.
Hey, Mickey,
you're so fine
You're so fine,
you blow my mind
Hey, Mickey
Hey, Mickey
Hey, Mickey,
you're so fine
You're so fine,
you blow my mind
Hey, Mickey
I think I'm going
to put on some tunes.
Hey, when did you
get the CD player?
When we got the money.
So big boy said
you are bad news
We're tired of mama
bein' confused
It's plain to see
we rock 'n' roll
If you don't like it,
got to move
There it is--
Excalibur.
Wow. '64 Fender Stratocaster
in classic white
with triple single coil pickups
and a whammy bar.
Pre-CBS Fender
corporate buy-out.
I'd raise the bridge,
file down the nut,
and take the buzz
out of the low "E."
God, I love this woman.
[ Chimes Clang ]
Hi, Garth.
Where's the clerk?
I know. I'll use
the "May I help you" riff.
[ Heavy Metal Riff ]
May I help you?
Yes, my good man.
I'd like to look at this
Fender Stratocaster, please.
Oh, really? Again?
Yes.
Careful.
No Stairway.
Denied!
Wow.
You're...amazing, dude.
Thanks.
I like to play.
[ Ting ]
Excuse me. Wayne.
Can I put the Fender
back now, please?
Not today, my good man.
I'm feeling saucy.
I think I'm going to buy it.
Do you accept... cash?
Cha-ching.
Have you spoken to Wayne
about the Vanderhoff spot?
Yes. Briefly.
He was not very receptive.
Oh, really? Well, I'll explain
to him that it's not a choice,
that it's in his contract.
Oh. Well, Wayne
will understand that right away.
Not.
Excuse me.
I mean, there's two
Darrin Stevens, right?
Dick York, Dick Sargent.
Yeah, right, as if
we wouldn't notice.
Well, hold on.
Dick York. Dick Sargent.
Sergeant York.
Wow, that's weird.
Wayne.
Listen, we need to have
a talk about Vanderhoff.
The fact is,
he's the sponsor
and you signed a contract
guaranteeing him
certain concessions, one of them
being a spot on the show.
That's where I see things
just a little differently.
Contract or no, I will
not bow to any sponsor.
I'm sorry
you feel that way,
but basically,
it's the nature of the beast.
Maybe I'm wrong
on this one,
but for me, the beast
doesn't include selling out.
Garth, you know what
I'm talking about, right?
It's, like, people only do things
because they get paid,
and that's
just really sad.
I can't talk about it anymore.
It's giving me a headache.
Here. Take two of these.
Ah. Nuprin.
Little. Yellow.
Different.
You can stay here
in the big leagues
and play by the rules
or go back to
the farm club in Aurora.
It's your choice.
Yes. And it's the choice
of a new generation.
[ Imitating Paul McCartney ]
And her name was Cassandra
Yeah.
Anything wrong, Davey?
Yeah. I got paid today.
Oh, yeah, I know
what that's like.
No. You don't understand.
They laid me off.
I got one of these.
I know how that feels.
Know what
I'd like to do?
Yeah, I know what
you'd like to do--
Find the guy
that did it,
rip his still beating
heart out of his chest
and show him how black it is
before he dies.
Actually, I was thinking
about filing a grievance
with the union.
Well, the world's
a twisted place.
Hi.
- Hey, Garth.
- How's it going?
Good.
Hey. There she is.
[ Tchaikovsky's Romeo And Juliet
Fantasy Overture Plays ]
Aah!
I must've slipped.
Wayne, um...
what do you do
if every time you see this
one incredible woman,
you think
you're going to hurl?
I say hurl.
If you blow chunks
and she comes back, she's yours.
If you spew
and she bolts,
it was never
meant to be.
Oh...I'm not ready yet.
I got to be comfortable
with me first.
[ Cassandra ]
Why don't you just go talk to her?
Talk to her?
Talk to her?
[ Jimi Hendrix's
Foxy Lady Begins ]
Foxy.
Foxy.
Uh, you know
you are a
Cute little
heartbreaker
Ha!
Foxy.
Yeah.
And you know
you are a
Sweet little lovemaker
Ha!
Foxy.
I wanna take you home
Yeah
I won't do you no harm
You've got to be
all mine
All mine
Ooh! Foxy lady
Here I come, baby.
Im comin' to get ya.
Why don't you just
go talk to her?
Go talk to her?
Go talk to her?
Garth?
Camera one.
Camera two.
Camera one.
Camera two.
Camera one, camera two.
Camera one,
camera two.
Ha ha ha! Don't.
Camera one,
camera two.
[ Giggling ]
Tell me...when that
first show is over,
will you still love me when I'm
an incredibly humongoid, giant star?
Yeah.
What about when I'm in my
hanging-out-with-Ravi-Shankar phase?
Yeah.
And when I'm in my
carbohydrate-sequin-jumpsuit,
young-girls-
in-white-cotton-panties,
waking-up-in-a-pool-
of-your-own-vomit,
bloated, purple,
dead-on-a-toilet phase?
Yeah.
O.K. Party. Bonus.
[ Telephone Rings ]
Yeah?
Oh, hi, Anthony.
Who's Anthony?
Who's Anthony?
My drummer.
O.K.
You what?
No. I told you next week
we'll be doing
a music video.
Do you mind?
This is business.
Hey, you want to be a busboy
the rest of your life?
Well, then talk
to your boss.
Look, this guy Benjamin's putting up
serious money for this thing.
Yeah.
[ Imitating Marilyn Monroe ]
Happy birthday
Mr.President
Happy birthday
To you
Work it out, O.K.?
Just-- no,
just be there.
O.K. Bye.
You asshole!
Oh!
Whoo!
Excellent.
Rrr! Rrska, rrska!
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
So motion to me
That you wanted me
Hey. All right.
Glad you could make it.
Oh, wow.
Yes.
Cool.
Yes. This is definitely
the type of place
I'm going to get
when I move out
of my parents' house.
Oh, you have a terrace!
Yeah. Go on out.
I'll get the Dom Perignon.
What's goin' on...
What floor is this?
Um...the 23rd.
Oh.
Oh.
You know...
Cassandra...
from this height,
you could really
hawk a lugie on someone.
[ Prepares To Spit ]
I feel so free up here.
Costs a lot
to live this free.
[ Wayne ]
This might be a tangent, right,
but it's something
I've been thinking about...
Hi. If I had a girl
like Cassandra,
I wouldn't bring her here.
I mean,
look at this place.
This is a fully
functional babe lair.
Chicks are helpless
against its powers.
Let's check it out.
I don't believe I've ever had
French champagne before.
Oh, actually,
all champagne is French.
It's named
after the region.
Otherwise,
it's sparkling white wine.
Americans,
of course,
don't recognize
the convention,
so they call all their
sparkling whites champagne,
even though by definition
they're not.
Ah, yes. It's a lot like
Star Trek: The Next Generation.
In many ways,
it's superior,
but will never be as recognized
as the original.
Aha. What's this?
How To Pick Up Chicks.
How To Meet Women.
He's smooth.
Aha.
"Daily reminder--
"Thursday.
"Purchase feeble
public access cable show
and exploit it."
Whoa. I feel sorry
for whoever that is.
Let's look over here.
"Ribbed for her pleasure."
Ewww!
The show looks great.
Mr.Vanderhoff's very excited.
I'm very excited.
I think the show's
going to be a huge hit
all over the Chicagoland area.
I want you and Garth
to have these tickets
to Alice Cooper's concert
tomorrow night
in Milwaukee.
Wow. Backstage passes.
Whoa. All-access backstage
with Alice Cooper?
Thank you.
Take the day off.
Enjoy yourselves.
Well, what about Cassandra?
She and I
have work to do.
Here's to your success.
No. Here's to Benjamin.
Mmm-- who wants
Chinese takeout?
I know a great place.
I'll have the cream
of sum yung guy.
Mmm!
Cassandra,
why don't you order?
No. I'm sure whatever
you order will be fine.
Oh. O.K.
[ Speaking Cantonese ]
[ Speaking Cantonese ]
[ Speaking Cantonese ]
Mountain Dew.
Pepsi Cola.
[ Speaking Cantonese ]
This guy is good.
Picked up a little Cantonese
while in the orient.
You sound a lot like you're from
Kowloon Bay as opposed to Hong Kong.
I was born
in Kowloon Bay.
There you have it.
This guy's really good.
Well, I want
to tell you about me
I asked you to stay
And still you leave
Well, I may look
lonely and blue
But I've been here
waitin' for you
And I
Want an answer or two
Why you wanna break
my heart?
Ooh, ooh, why you
wanna break my heart?
Ooh, ooh, why you
wanna break my heart?
Ooh, ooh, why you
wanna break my heart?
Sounds great!
Thanks.
You got a minute?
Sure. You guys hang out.
I came by to drop off
the contract for the video.
Oh, great.
I never really got a chance
to say thank you.
You've been very generous.
It's been my pleasure.
Listen, I thought if
you were done here
that maybe we could spend
the afternoon together.
Take a long, long ride
with yourself
We should be pretty
close to Milwaukee by now.
Take a long, long ride
with yourself
Do you like
what you see...
Look! There's
Shotz Brewery!
Cool!
1, 2, 3, 4,
5, 6, 7, 8...
schlemiel,
schlemazel.
Hausenpfeffer
Incorporated.
We're gonna do it
- Aah!
- Aah!
Give us any chance,
we'll take it
Read us any rule,
we'll break it
We're gonna make
our dreams come true
Doin' it our way
Nothing's gonna
turn us back now
Straight ahead
and on the track now
We're gonna make
our dreams come true
Doin' it our way
Hey, wait a minute.
What are we doing?
Yeah! We got backstage passes
for Alice Cooper!
Feed my Frankenstein
[ Cheering ]
Well, I ain't evil
I'm just good-lookin'
I started the fire
Baby, start cookin'
I'm a hungry man
But I don't want pizza
I'll blow down your house
And then I'm gonna eat ya
Bring you to a simmer
Right on time
And run my greasy fingers
Up your greasy spine
Feed my Frankenstein
Do you want to go backstage?
She's a psycho
Yeah. Let's go back now
and beat the crowd.
Feed my Frankenstein
Hungry for love
And it's feedin' time,
baby, whoa, whoa
Oh, yeah
Feed my Frankenstei-ei-ein
Where you going?
Got a pass.
- Yay!
- Backstage passes, yeah!
- Whoo!
- Yeah!
Whoo! Ha ha ha!
Feed my Frankenstein
Uh-oh. I think
we took a wrong turn,
'cause we're outside now.
Whoa! Look!
Is this Alice's limo?
No. It belongs
to Frank Sharp,
head of Sharp Records.
Good friend of Alice's.
Wow. That's, like, way bigger
than a normal size car.
Well, it has to be.
He drives everywhere.
Hates to fly.
He's going across
the country right now
to look for new acts
to sign to his label.
Next stop is St. Louis.
Then he'll come back through Chicago
on his way to Detroit.
Thanks.
You know,
for a security guard,
he had an awful lot of information,
don't you think?
[ Cheering ]
[ Cooper ]
Thank you, Milwaukee!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, ladies.
Sorry, ladies.
I'm sorry. No--
Oh, you got pass--
all right. Come on.
Let us through,
please!
Can't let you in.
Sorry.
Please? Aw...
Alice. Is this cool?
Yeah. Come on in.
Sorry to bother you,
but we had to tell you
how much we enjoyed the show,
didn't we, Garth?
Y-Y-Y...
Oh. Thanks.
We're not mental or anything,
so don't be afraid.
We're not mental or anything,
so don't be afraid.
My name is Wayne,
and this is Garth.
Ehhh...
Nice to meet you guys.
So do you...
come to Milwaukee often?
Well, I'm a regular visitor here,
but Milwaukee has certainly
had its share of visitors.
The French missionaries
and explorers
were coming here as early
as the late 1600s
to trade with
the Native Americans.
Isn't Milwaukee an Indian name?
Yes, Pete, it is.
Actually,
it's pronounced meeleewahkay,
which is Algonquin
for the good land.
I was not aware of that.
One of the most
interesting aspects of Milwaukee
is the fact that it's
the only major American city
to have ever elected
three socialist mayors.
Does this guy
know how to party or what?
Huh? Huh?
Oh.
O.K. Well, we got
to get going.
No. Stick around.
Hang out with us.
Cool. Yeah, we'll stay and
hang around with youse...
with Alice Cooper.
We're not worthy!
We're not worthy!
We're not worthy!
We're scum!
We suck!
Our first big show.
We almost didn't make it.
I really hope
Cassandra's watching.
Oh, yeah, perfect.
Whatever it costs--
- How's it going?
- Hi, guys.
Well, tonight's the night.
A lot of people
in the Chicagoland area
will be watching the show.
I already know
it's going to be a hit.
I'll be in the booth.
Mr.Vanderhoff
will be your first guest.
Oh, hi, boys.
What the hell is this?
Can we fly in
the sign, please?
That's it.
Bring her down.
- Wha--
- Oh...look.
Don't tense up.
You'll be great.
Garth, have you
got a second?
Uh...Wh...
Simply read the cards.
You're going to be
wonderful. Really.
O.K.?
Oh, Russell...
can I borrow
your marker?
I, uh...I need
to make some notes.
Good luck.
My guys.
You're my guys!
Your name
is pronounced Algar, right?
O.K.
Wayne!
They'll be fine.
Good.
- Stand by...
- This is it, honey.
In 5...
4...
3...
Wayne's World is brought to you
by Noah's Arcade.
Party on, Wayne.
Hey!
Wayne's World
Wayne's World
Party time
Excellent
It's Friday. It's 11:30.
It's time to party
with your excellent host
Wayne Campbell,
and with him, as always,
is Garth.
Party on, Wayne,
and party on, Garth.
Wayne's World
O.K. Welcome
to Wayne's World.
Party on, Garth.
I guess.
O.K. O.K.,
first of all,
we'd like to take a moment here
on Wayne's World
to welcome our sponsor.
He's the owner of a fine chain
of Noah's Arcades--
Noah Vanderhoff.
Nice name...
not.
Now, uh,
Mr.Vanderhoff...
He's using
the cards. Yes!
I told you
he'd fall in line.
What is your most
popular video game right now?
Uh, Desert Storm
Commando Warrior.
- Ha ha ha.
- Ha ha ha.
That would have to do with that
limited skirmish in the Middle East.
Yes.
What the hell's he doing?
[ Wayne ] Aren't there long lines
for your more popular games?
Well, at Noah's Arcade,
we like to say
there's two of everything,
so there's never a line.
Ha ha.
O.K. Now, tell me, Noah,
I've always wanted to know--
What is the difference
between Pac-Man
and Ms.Pac-Man, really?
Well, she has a bow on her head.
That's it?
- Ha ha!
- Ha ha!
Get right
out of town.
No, that's it.
Heh heh.
- Ha ha ha!
- Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
Thank you for being
on Wayne's World.
It was informative
and stimulating.
Now a word from our sponsor.
We're at commercial.
Oh, that was fun.
I'll see you next week.
I hope.
Wayne, could you
come to the booth, please?
Oh, honey,
you were incredible.
I think it went
really well.
Absolutely. There was a huge
response up in that little room.
Those phrases were not on the cards
when I gave them to him.
Wayne. What the hell
is going on?
What are you doing?
Same thing we always do.
You've publicly
humiliated the sponsor.
Yeah.
You're fired.
Fired? For that?
Yeah. Right.
I'm out of here,
and I'm taking
my show with me.
We own the show.
Aw, bite me.
O.K.
Are we back?
Stand by.
Coming back?
And go.
5...
4...
3...
I'm having
a good time...
not.
Ever see that scene in Scanners
when that dude's head blew up?
Uh...
Uh...
Uh...
[ Telephone Rings ]
Hello.
Hello.
It's Benjamin.
Oh, hi.
Uh, listen,
did you see the show tonight?
I was working,
so I only saw the first part,
but I laughed my ass off.
We had some
technical difficulties,
and we're still playing
with the format, but...
has Wayne talked to you?
About what?
Why? Are you
canceling my video?
No. In fact, I called
to make sure we're still on.
Well, we got
a deal, right?
Absolutely.
I'll see you in Chicago.
O.K.
Bye.
You really
pissed me off tonight.
Garth, you've never been mad
at anything in your life.
But you shouldn't
have walked out on the show.
I handled it O.K.,
but you shouldn't
walk out on your friend
without telling him first.
I have to run everything
by you now?
Yeah, you have to
run everything by me now.
What am I,
some sort of chimp
with you as always
is Garth?
Jim to your
Marlin Perkins?
You know, Benjamin
had you so snowed.
You know what?
He's got it for Cassandra.
No way.
Way.
Yeah! Cassandra's
not interested.
As if.
O.K., pop quiz--
Cassandra is not interested
in Benjamin because:
A) chicks think
he's handsome;
B) has cool car;,
C) has lots of cash;
D ) has no visible scars;
E) does not live with parents.
O.K., how about--
F) you're a gimp.
You know what you can do
with your pop quiz?
You know what you can do
with your show?
You can take a flying...
[ Jet Engine Roars ]
Until the handle
breaks off
and you have
to find a doctor
to pull it out again.
Kiss your mother
with that mouth?
You've gone mental.
I'm getting out
of here, Damien.
- Fine, then. Go.
- I'm gone.
Go, then.
- I am.
- Go.
- I'm gone.
- Go, then.
I am.
Where you been?
I waited up for you last night,
and you never showed.
Where are you going?
Chicago. Benjamin set up
the video shoot.
I'll be there
for three days.
I guess Benjamin
will be there, too.
He's producing it.
And what does that mean?
He's been paying you
a lot of attention lately.
Well, maybe he thinks
I've got some talent.
Maybe he's pokin' ya.
What?
You think that's
the way I get a gig?
First he screws me,
then he screws you.
It's Dutch door action.
Could you be
any more insulting?
Yeah.
I think
you better leave.
Fine. I'm out of here.
Oh, man.
What the hell's going on?
I lost my show,
I lost my best friend,
I lost my girl.
I'm being shit on,
that's all--shit on.
And do you know
what really pisses me off?
Where are you going?
O.K., O.K.,
come on back.
Things aren't as bad
as they seem.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean
to dump on you.
I'll figure something out.
O.K.?
Hey, Mr.Doughnuthead man,
who's trying to kill you?
I don't know,
but they better not.
If you stab a man
in the dead of winter,
steam will rise up
from the wounds.
That's not good!
I'm not happy!
Oh, no!
Indians believed
it was his soul
escaping from his body.
Right, Glen.
Reee! Reee! Reee! Reee!
Reee! Reee! Reee! Reee!
Reee! Reee! Reee!
Reee! Reee! Reee!
Hi.
Hi.
I'm sorry
about what I did...
Buds?
Buds.
Officer Kuharski.
Damn shame
how they screwed up your show.
It was a nice little program.
Not that I ever watched it.
Here you go.
So, uh,
how you doing?
'K., s'pose.
Just wish
I had Cassandra back.
She's in Chicago shooting a video
with "Bun-ja-mun."
So, uh...
[ Slurping ]
What are you
going to do?
I don't know.
I do have one plan.
What are you going to do
with these guys?
Oh, nothing, really.
I just always wanted
to open a door to a room
where people
are being trained
like in James Bond movies.
Wicked.
I think you should
just go get Cassandra.
I just don't think
she wants me to.
Let me tell you
a little something
I've learned about women.
They want you
to come get them.
They love it.
I just wish there was
something I could offer her
that Benjamin couldn't.
You'll think of something.
Wait a minute.
No.
Wait a minute.
Hmm.
Wait a minute!
I know--
The guy in the limo,
Mr.Big,
the owner of Sharp records.
If we could just get him
to listen to Cassandra play.
Halt. Halt.
The security guard
at the concert said
Mr.Sharp was driving
back through Chicago on Friday.
That's right. Wow.
Aren't we lucky
we were there
to get all
that information?
It seemed extraneous
at the time.
O.K., first I'll access
the secret military spy satellite
that's in a geosynchronous orbit
over the Midwest.
Then I'll I.D. the limo
by the vanity plate "Mr.Biggg"
and get its position.
Then I'll reposition the
transmitter dish in the remote truck
to 17.32 degrees east,
hit Westar 4
over the Atlantic,
bounce the signal
down into the Azores,
up to Comsat 6,
beam it back
to Satcom 3 transponder 137,
and down to the dish
on Mr.Big's limo.
It's almost too easy.
We can only pray
he's watching television
in his limo
at that exact moment.
We'll need help.
- We'll help.
- We'll help.
You get Cassandra!
We'll do the rest!
To the Mirthmobile!
Yeah!
- Whoo!
- Whoo!
[ Honking ]
O.K., this is a take,
everybody.
I think the snake
fell asleep!
Uh...
Playback!
[ Music Plays ]
Looking good.
Ain't got no reason
for reaction
No
Ain't got no reason
for distraction
I love the way
that you love me, baby
Love the way
that you stare
Ooh, the way
that you tease me, baby
Ooh, touch me
Yeah
Touch me
This snake
weighs a ton.
It looks great on you.
I'm coming down now.
I'm telling you,
you're hot.
[ Heavy Metal Music Plays
On Radio ]
[ Radio Stops Playing ]
Yes, Officer?
Is there something wrong?
Have you seen this boy?
Aah!
Aah!
You know,
you're exactly right.
Why leave the hotel?
We'll have dinner sent up,
you can have
a hot bath,
and I'll make
some calls.
Cassandra!
We have to talk.
I don't want
to talk to you.
I don't want
to talk to you.
I've set up an audition
for your band.
My show's coming back.
You've got to be on it.
Go home.
I'm not going anywhere.
Cassandra, I love you.
You may not believe it,
but I love you.
Am I supposed to just
turn my back and leave?
Am I supposed
to be a man?
Am I supposed to say,
"That's O.K.
I don't mind."
I don't mind.
Well, I mind!
I mind big time!
And you know what
the worst part of all is?
I never learned to read.
Is that true?
Yes. Everything except
the reading part.
Very nice speech, Wayne.
We're very busy.
Of course.
Her music video.
Very clever.
But where is her band?
- Hi, Wayne.
- Hi, Wayne.
Oh, hi, guys.
I didn't see you there.
Well, I guess you've thought
of everything, huh?
Nothing left for me to do
but just go home.
Bye-bye, Wayne.
It's bedtime.
But both you and I know
that there is no film
in this camera.
Jimmy!
Wayne...
go home.
Sometimes people
outgrow one another.
It's very sad,
but you can't
let it drag you down.
Is that you...
or the snake?
Campbell, wait up!
Cassandra, I know
I don't have his looks,
I know I don't
have his money,
I know I don't
have his connections,
his knowledge
of fine wines,
I know sometimes
when I eat
I get this clicking sound
in my jaw--
Shut your yap
and get in the car.
Excellent.
[ Woof ]
That's right, girl.
Mr.Big's limousine
is right where we want it.
[ Theme From
Mission: Impossible Plays ]
Gentlemen, this is it.
Let's go.
Down now!
[ Panting ]
Wait up, guys.
I fell on my keys.
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Freeze!
Oh, hi, Russell.
How's it going?
Hold it right there.
Hey! Hey!
Watch where
you're pointing that thing.
Give me the flashlight,
Russell.
You can help us,
Russell.
No! I'm supposed
to stop you.
W-w-what are you
going to do,
be Benjamin's monkey boy
the rest of your life?
Benjamin's my friend.
No.
Benjamin is
no one's friend.
If Benjamin were
an ice cream flavor,
he'd be
pralines and dick.
It's O.K.
He's going to be...
O.K.
Hi.
- Hi.
- How's it going?
I love you, man.
I know.
No, you don't.
I...love you, man.
I know.
Just say thank you.
Hey!
Thank you.
All right.
I understand
you're doing your job,
but I'm very late.
Would you mind placing
your hands on the hood, son?
There's just one other thing
I've got to check.
Wayne's World,
Wayne's World
Party time
Excellent
[ Guitar Riff ]
O.K, this is a special
Wayne's World, O.K.?
It's for
an audience of one.
So, Mr. Frankie Sharp
of Sharp Records,
if you're watching
and you like what you see,
we're at 2234 Pine Way
in Aurora, Illinois.
So, ladies and gentlemen,
I give you Cassandra
and Crucial Taunt!
Yeah! Whoo!
Well, it's been gettin'
so hard
Livin' with the things
you do to me
My dreams are gettin'
so strange
I'd like to tell you
everythin' I see
I see a man at the back,
as a matter of fact,
his eyes are as red
as the sun,
and a girl in the corner
let no one ignore her,
'cause she thinks
she's the passionate one.
Oh, yeah!
It was like lightning
Everybody was
frightening
And the music
was soothing
And we all started
grooving
Yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
And the man at the back said,
everyone attack
And it turned into
a ballroom blitz
And the girl in the corner said,
boy, I wanna warn ya
It'll turn into
a ballroom blitz
Ballroom blitz
Ballroom blitz
I'm reachin' out
for somethin'
Touchin' nothin's
all I ever do
I softly call you over
When you appear
There's nothin' left
of you
Now the man at the back
is ready to crack
as he raises his hands
to the sky,
and the girl in the corner
is everyone's mourner.
She could kill you
with a wink of her eye.
Oh, yeah
It was electric
So frightfully hectic
And the band
started leaping
'Cause they all
stopped breathing
Yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
And the man at the back said,
everyone attack
And it turned
into a ballroom blitz
And the girl in the corner said,
boy, I wanna warn ya
It'll turn into
a ballroom blitz
Ballroom blitz
Ballroom blitz
Waaa...
Ow!
Waaaow!
Whoo!
Yeah!
Ha ha ha ow!
Hi. I'm Frankie Sharp,
Sharp Records.
I saw your performance
in my limo.
I've seen a lot
of acts in my day,
and although
you're extremely beautiful,
I just think
it's the wrong time.
I'm sorry.
You screwed my career.
I always knew
you were small-time.
Wayne, I'm pregnant.
That's why I've been so moody.
Whoa!
Look! Fire!
Let's get out of here!
Whoa!
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Why, God?
Why?
Last night was the most
incredible night
of my life.
You were terrific.
You didn't really think
she'd end up with Wayne, did you?
[ Skidding ]
As if.
As if we'd end the movie
like that. Yeah!
Let's do
the Scooby-Doo ending.
Good call.
Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo!
Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo!
Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo!
Doodle-oo!
[ Music Plays ]
Waaaow!
Hi. Frankie Sharp,
Sharp Records.
I just saw your performance
in my limo.
Wow! We got through.
Well, that wraps it up,
but there's
one last thing.
Let's just see who
you really are, mister.
It's Old Man Withers, the guy who
runs the haunted amusement park!
I would have
got away with it
if it hadn't been
for you snooping kids!
[ Imitates Scooby-Doo ]
Good one, Shaggy.
Excellent
Scooby-Doo ending.
I think we should do
the megahappy ending.
The megahappy ending.
That's doable.
Doodle-oo!
Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo!
Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo!
Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo!
[ Music Plays ]
Waaaow!
I'm Frankie Sharp,
Sharp Records.
I saw your performance
in my limo.
I must tell you,
it was terrific.
In fact, I think
it's so good,
I'm going to give you
a six-album deal.
See you in my office.
I love you, Wayne.
I love you, Cassandra.
I love you, Garth.
I love you, dreamwoman.
You know, ever since
I did your show,
kids are looking at me
in a whole new way.
I love you, man.
And I love you,
because I've learned
that Platonic love
can exist between two grown men.
And I've learned
something, too.
I've learned
that a flawless profile,
a perfect body,
the right clothes,
and a great car
can get you far in America--
almost to the top--
but it can't get you everything.
Isn't it great
that we're all better people?
- Fishnet!
- Fishnet!
Fishnet!
Fishnet!
Wayne's World
It's party time
It's excellent
Chicks go mental
when we go down the street
It's Wayne and Garth
that they wanna meet
We're in the basement
playin' with our toys
Oh, if you do not like it,
you're a sphincter boy
Wayne's World
Wayne's World
It's party time
It's excellent
Wayne's World
Wayne's World
It's party time
It's excellent
Excellent movie.
All right.
Yeah. Good one.
Well, that's all the time
we have for our movie.
We hope you found it
entertaining,
whimsical and yet relevant,
with an underlying
revisionist conceit
that belied the film's
emotional attachments
to the subject matter.
I just hope
you didn't think it sucked.
O.K. So thank you
for coming.
Good night and party on.
Party on, Wayne.
Party on, Garth.
Wayne's World
Wayne's World
It's party time
It's excellent
Wayne's World
Wayne's World
It's party time
It's excellent
Chicks go mental
when we go down the street
It's Wayne and Garth
that they wanna meet
We're in the basement
playin' with our toys
Oh, if you do not like it
you're a sphincter boy
Wayne's World
Wayne's World
It's party time
It's excellent
Wayne's World
Wayne's World
It's party time
It's excellent
We might grow old,
we might get in a rut
Yeah, right, and monkeys
might fly out of our butts
The right to party is
a battle we have fought
So we'll surrender
and go Amish...not!
Wayne's World
Wayne's World
It's party time
It's excellent
Wayne's World
Wayne's World
It's party time
It's excellent
Chicks go mental
Chicks go mental
Chicks go mental
Chicks go mental
Chicks go mental
You know,
I don't think
anyone's going to
tell us when to leave.
Yeah. Good call, Garth.
I'll bet we're just
going to sit here,
and when they're finished,
they'll fade to black.
I can't believe
they did that.
I told ya.