Women Aren't Funny (2014) Movie Script

- Is that recording?
- Yeah, it's recording.
- So look...
- - No it isn't.
Yes, it is.
It says recording?
Um, OK, so this is the thing
is that I'm actually
trying to find out
do you think women are funny?
I've never met an unfunny woman.
I love when you meet a girl out
and she tells you she's got
a best friend who's like
the funniest person ever.
She's got great stories
and then you meet her and,
oh my God, these stories, like, I'm
fucking listening to this all night.
I don't wanna
shoot myself in the head.
or fucking hang myself
from the nearest tree.
Do you think women are funny,
women comics are funny?
- Do I think women comics are funny?
- - Yes.
Actually, do I think alternative
women comics are funny.
You think alternative
women comics are funny?
I don't think women comics
are funny.
I don't want any women
in the movie.
Women aren't funny.
OK, get back.
First of all,
you're asking the right person
because I think a lot of guys are
not that fucking funny, either.
You know what I mean? When people go,
"Well, a lot of women aren't funny."
It's like, "Are you
that funny too, shithead?"
I feel like I am
the exception to the rule
in the sense that
most women aren't funny
and then... I am.
You should be talking to,
like, a sociologist,
'cause I'm just a fuckin' drunk.
What am I signing, in turquoise?
- Is it...
- It's the...
- Oh, what a fuckin'...
- - It's a girls documentary.
I love how we make her
sit way in the corner,
- by the way.
- No, that's cool. I get it.
You know.
Now, Bonnie, what is
this that you're filming?
We're making a cocumentary.
- A cocumentary?
- Yeah.
Never heard the word
documentary butchered like that.
- Oh, I have.
- It's a comedy documentary.
- Yes.
- - Why do you call it that?
It's so dumb. It sounds dumb,
it's a documentary.
- Cocumentary?
- Well, it's a comedy.
- I think it works on two levels.
- Right there it's not funny.
Like, it's a comedy documentary.
So it's kind of a funny name.
And then you're in it.
So what exactly is this?
It's about...
what is the documentary about?
I'm on a quest to find out if
women are really funny or not.
- You know?
- All right.
Kind of like the last say in it.
Sum that up in about
three frames...
This is exactly why
I am making this cocumentary.
Why are people still
so reluctant to admit
there are any funny women?
So women have this,
like, bad reputation
not being funny.
Where do you think
it comes from?
It's weird. Women are
soaring ahead in other areas
but in comedy, the attitudes
remain totally prehistoric.
- People think women are not funny?
- - Yes.
A lot of comedians actually
think there are a lot of...
that there aren't
funny female comedians.
Take this guy,
- What's your name?
- Jerry Lewis.
He may be famous
for portraying a dumb-dumb,
but he's infamous
for admitting publicly
that he doesn't think
any women are funny.
If he doesn't think
a woman is funny,
why does he dress up and
masquerade as a woman
and think it's so damn funny?
What were you saying?
This hot button issue encourages
many of our greatest thinkers
to weigh in.
I just think it's a lot harder for
women to do anything in society
because they have brains
a third the size of ours.
I just think the whole thing, like, are
you interviewing Hitchens, that guy?
That Christopher Hitchens guy
or whatever.
...Hitchens why women
aren't funny.
- Christopher Hitchens.
- In 2007,
renowned author
Christopher Hitchens
wrote a biting article
for Vanity Fair magazine
"Why Women Aren't Funny."
It's doubly hurtful because
Hitchens usually saves his vitriol
for more deserving subjects,
like Henry Kissinger,
Mother Teresa, and God.
For Vanity Fair, Hitchens wrote,
"Why are women, who have the
whole male world at their mercy,
not funny? Please do not pretend not
to know what I'm talking about.
I read it. I didn't dwell on it.
Women are...
some women are funny. Next.
Hitchens blows my mind. I mean, I just think,
like, can you imagine if someone was like,
um, "Are black people smart?"
for Vanity Fair?
Like, fuck you.
You're getting screwed
all over the place.
It's just... you get screwed.
I don't know, whenever people
are sexist towards women
I just get super racist
towards black people.
You know, for a brilliant guy, he
says some really stupid things
- and that's one of them.
- - This unrelenting and aggressive attack
against funny women has left
some female comedians
afraid to talk candidly
for our film.
This woman has agreed to talk to
us only if we obscure her image.
...but I didn't realize
it would get so volatile
or make such big news.
We'll call her Ro.
But we find no shortage of male comedians who are
willing to go on record with their opinions.
They're not funny.
They're not fucking funny.
There's more funny guys that I went to
high school with who are like, mechanics
than funny female comedians.
But, yeah, I don't find
a lot of women funny.
- Do you?
- I'll ask the questions.
Everybody's funny. It doesn't
matter if you're a guy or a girl.
It wasn't till I got in the
clubs that I was like,
"Wow, there's a lot of shitty
female comedians."
I think there is certainly
that stereotype that exists
in the culture. And I don't know
if it's just our culture,
American culture, or if that is true
throughout the world, you know?
I've done very little
research on the topic.
This is your documentary,
you should...
What? I'm busy.
- A binky.
- Chocolate.
A binky.
- Graham crackers, cookies.
- Who are you talking to?
In addition
to this project, I am a wife,
a mother and probably
most importantly,
a professional female
standup comedian.
Full disclosure,
I am an extremely
well credited opening act
for my husband.
Give 'em the plug.
Yes, my husband
is also a comedian.
And no, it's not always
a laugh riot.
- One, he's annoying.
- See that foot?
See how my toe's open?
Look at this one.
I can't get my pinky toe
to open.
With the unwavering
support of my husband,
I am able to add journalist
to my list of accreditations.
I am determined to find out
once and for all,
are women as funny as men?
I'm female comedian
Bonnie McFarlane.
I've heard "women aren't funny" almost
as often as "you're not funny."
But is it true?
- The debate is as old...
- This is stupid.
- What?
- Come on, let's go. This is stupid.
- I'm trying to do something,
- OK? It's stupid.
Looks like you're doing
a butter commercial
- or something.
- No, it's like I'm an investigative reporter.
- It's like a 20/20 sort of...
- It's not funny.
- No one gets this.
- It is funny.
I'm not wearing any pants.
You're gonna get ticks,
that's what's gonna happen.
Where'd you get that from?
That's funny.
Now that's funny.
- Do this.
- And since I am participating as a subject,
to maintain some journalistic
I will now speak about myself only in the
somewhat annoying, omnipresent third person.
It's what journalists do.
I don't know what to do.
It's Spanish.
I'm getting a message
in Spanish.
Maybe you dialed
the wrong number.
No... Yeah, I dialed it.
No, through like AT&T. It just came
out, the first thing was Spanish.
Oh, my goodness.
We're in the wrong country.
- Daddy.
- What?
While Bonnie and Rich
are waiting to perform
at the local comedy club
in Philly,
Bonnie receives a tip
that Christopher Hitchens
is at a speaking engagement
just a few blocks away.
Bonnie decides to pursue the tip
in hopes of getting an interview.
- Can I press?
- Right here, ground, G.
- G like grandma.
- Grandma's button.
Rich decides to tag along
to see if he's recognized.
Oh, look, he recognized me.
He is.
- Really?
- Did you just recognize him?
- Yeah, yeah.
- A lot.
The Asian guy did recognize me
'cause he took a double take.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Did you just recognize him?
Yeah, yeah. From
Last Comic Standing, right?
Oh, my God, yes.
Do you recognize me?
And we have a camera crew
with us right now.
All right.
OK, bye.
- Thank you.
- Did they say no?
Yeah, they said
he wants to send a letter.
I saw you when you were walking up,
I was like, "Hey, I love this guy."
Did you guys recognize me?
I'll be honest with you,
no, I didn't.
Must be the hat.
There you go.
Help me.
- I've helped you through, listen...
- I know you have.
When I found you, you were
reading a piece of paper
on a stool at M Bar.
You knew her before
Last Comic Standing?
No. That's where I met her
when I was doing Last Comic...
When I coulda fucking been tagging
anybody around the country.
So you met her when she was
doing a network TV show?
- No.
- But you're gonna claim that she
- was a nobody.
- No.
Well, that's what I'm asking.
Did you guys meet before
Last Comic Standing?
On my season.
We met on a TV show,
Last Comic Standing.
Please welcome
Ms. Bonnie McFarlane
She was a contestant
and I was a judge.
If by any chance you didn't
make it into the house,
would you like to spend
some time at my house?
I'd rather be homeless.
Two nights later I was eating
her fucking box in a car.
Is that true, Bonnie?
For a second.
I didn't let it go on that long.
You're hanging out
with the boys today, Bonnie.
Girls normally aren't as funny as
just a bunch of guys hanging out.
That's OK. You guys just be
funny and I'll laugh.
It's just something you learn.
You learn to be like,
laugh at them,
and don't compete with them.
I went into a deep depression
in my twenties
because of that. Because I was
squashing that whole part of myself.
Well, because when
they're little girls,
if I may get serious
in this comedy thing,
they're not the showoffs.
All right, how about in school?
Like, all people in the back of the bus,
always know back
of the bus funny.
In the back of the bus
was all the funny people.
But it's just like that back of the bus
was nothing but a bunch of funny dudes
- in the back.
- - I was chauffeured to school.
Well, Bonnie was chauffeured. How
about the back of the limousine?
We're at the back of the bus
right now.
This is the back of the bus
of women being funny.
Let's go. Let's do it.
- All right.
- Don't be uncomfortable
'cause there's
black people around.
Just be funny.
This is the back
of the bus funny.
This is where you can
prove women comedians are funny.
Turn it back around
I gave y'all every opportunity
- and nothing happened.
- I am not being a comedian.
I need you to think of me as an
investigative journalist right now.
So I feel like if I were to
out-funny, outshine these two,
which I easily could,
You saw what I saw.
Um... that wouldn't be fair.
Less women try standup.
Less women go into it.
So you get less women
out at the top.
You know, at the higher end.
Each year there seems
to be fewer...
fewer females, instead of more.
It never really caught on.
Ten female comics working
the country and that's it.
And thousands of male comics.
It's like... you know,
we're like...
- the beta cam.
- And it turns out
at least one of these ten
working female comedians
is not a woman at all...
but a squirrel
in a tartan skirt.
A male squirrel.
Isn't it funny
that the only time
your race or gender
is questioned
is when you're not a white man?
In fact, I think white men,
they get upset, they get nervous
if like a minority or another
race gets a little power.
It makes them nervous.
'Cause they scared that
that race
is gonna do to them
what they did to that race.
They get nervous.
So they start screaming
"Reverse racism!
This is reverse racism."
Wait a minute,
ain't reverse racism,
isn't that when a racist is nice
to somebody else? To other people?
The number of guys
who are doing comedy
and the number of women
doing comedy,
there's way more guys doing it,
If you take the 20%...
say it's 20% of the guys
who aren't funny
and then 20% of women
who aren't funny,
you know, just our population
just looks like it's...
it's bigger.
It looks like a bigger...
It's grossly disproportionate.
It's probably 95% men
and 5% women.
Because they only represent,
not all ten percent,
they represent being ten percent
of the ten percent.
So when you only have
the one woman on the show...
So... that's what
I'm trying to say.
My math is off. I'm doing
Fox News math right now.
If eight million men do comedy,
and five percent
of them are funny,
It's a larger number because
there's a larger amount
- of men doing comedy.
- It's a terrible ratio.
If there were more funny females
out there, we would book them.
Twenty percent of the...
I'm no mathe-magician.
And if I was a woman comedian,
I'd say...
At the end of everything,
no matter how you say it,
no matter what you say,
no matter what people say
and how articulate they think
they are, like I think I'm being,
the facts are there's more unfunny
men then there are women.
Did anyone point that out yet?
Yeah, I think that's what it is.
When you have a bunch of guys
on the show,
maybe four, three of them
aren't funny
but you just have one woman,
if she's not funny
then everybody go,
"Women aren't funny."
Maybe we should just go get rid of
all the women who aren't funny.
Making us look bad.
- Hello?
- Hey, Kate.
- Hey.
- It's Bonnie McFarlane calling, how are you?
Oh, good. How are you, Bonnie?
I'm good. I've started
trying to get this
thing together.
It's a coalition, BLC.
Better Lady Comics.
And we're trying to get people
who aren't so great
to quit doing standup
so that the good female comics
are more visible.
That's a great idea.
Yeah, isn't it?
Um, I was wondering if it would be
cool if you stopped doing standup.
- Fuck you.
- No, you know, I mean,
you know in your heart of hearts
that you're not good
and you're never gonna be good.
Are you...
I kill all the time.
Just because it's not
your brand of comedy
doesn't mean it's not good,
Bonnie. Jesus.
Well, you don't know
what it feels like
so you think doing, like,
just getting a couple of laughs
is killing for you.
Well, you know,
everything's relative.
Um, so I'm gonna put you down
for yes, you're gonna quit?
She hung up on me.
She did. Fuck her.
You have any identification?
Well, I have a little birthmark
but I'm certainly not gonna...
The truth is, funny
women who do break through
leave an indelible impression
on the public consciousness.
And this is just a tiny example
of the women from our past
who are synonymous with comedy.
There are so many more.
Laugh a little louder,
Mum can't here you up there.
To prove this point, Bonnie
asks her interviewees to list
their top five funny women
of all time,
living or dead,
or animated, or anyone.
Anyone at all. Any girl
name you can think of,
just say somebody's name.
...Kirkland. And...
Maria Bamford, who I knew before and
she's been doing it the longest.
She's super funny. I'm actually
reading for this list.
Mary Lynn...
How do you say her last name?
- Rajskub.
- Rajskub.
If you forget, you go,
"I can't think of any funny
female comics."
When you go to do
the documentary,
go have 10-15 women comedians
to rattle off,
'cause they're gonna go,
"Well, name some."
And I wanted to go boom, boom.
I didn't do it
and I can't do it,
and you might think,
"Well, you're not even
supporting what you're saying."
It's... Yes, I am.
I stand my ground.
It took a little research,
but this journalist
was able to locate the only
know archive of funny women.
The site is the brainchild of
female comedian Maria Bamford.
- Did you interview Maria?
- No, we're going to.
She's so fucking funny.
She's amazing.
She's diligently spent the past six
years compiling the extensive list
which boasts over 78 names.
- ...then Mo'Nique.
- How did she get my name misspelled?
- Wait...
- I'm not on the list?
That's a nice little coffee pot.
- Want some coffee?
- No.
But you think
women are really funny
- on your website, right?
- Yes, yes, yes.
I have a list of funny women,
and I know there's even more
than that.
And if you have any more,
tell me
'cause I wanna put 'em
on the list.
Well, I'd feel weird
making that list
- 'cause I'd be scared that I'd forget somebody.
- I know, I know.
Um... I did, when I looked at it, I
noticed you did forget somebody.
Did I not put your...
Oh, my Jesus Christ.
I haven't updated it
in like six years.
No, it was around six years ago.
No, I know.
- Um, how do you respond to that?
- What's happening?
- Oh. Honey...
- No, that's cool.
I don't need for everyone
to think I'm funny,
that's not what this is about.
This documentary's
not a vanity project.
...they think I'm funny.
Funny. You're super funny.
But you're a
super funny comedian.
Every time I think of you guys,
I was just like,
that's like my dream come true.
- No, but seriously.
- Why?
The super strong, two super
strong comedians together.
I didn't say it,
you have to look at him.
I bet his name's on it.
What's Rich's part
in the documentary?
I'm not like, a filmer,
but these...
- A filmer?
- What the hell's a filmer?
A guy that does the filming.
- Is that in the shot?
- Yeah.
That's in the shot.
I mean, it's so annoying.
He's just himself.
He's, you know...
Does he ever offer his opinion
when you just kind of
- are not really interested in hearing it?
- Yeah, absolutely.
Questions, questions, 80's.
Talk about the 80's, OK?
You have to be more funny.
The appetizer. Some soup.
Salad, then the main course.
You see what I'm saying?
You don't get what I'm saying,
do you?
Yeah, so it's not about me.
We're doing a dumb documentary
on how funny women are.
Don't know how to sell it,
dumb documentary.
- Way to go, Rich.
- He truly has no concept,
after all these years
in the business
- how it's supposed to go.
- No, I know.
He's just trying
to get on camera.
- Sad.
- Nothing.
You can't worry so much
about how you look
because you're...
what do you call it?
An interviewer.
'Cause it's all about looks.
That's why every person
in this room,
work on yourselves,
work on yourselves,
work on yourselves.
I spit on education
No man will ever put his hand up your
dress looking for a library card.
- And it's stupid.
- Stupid.
Not... well,
I'm a good housewife.
Not one of you is made love to
'cause you did the linoleum.
The floor's immaculate!
Lie down you hot bitch.
It doesn't happen!
Every show should be the best.
I don't wanna hear,
"I was tired tonight."
Every show,
they've gotta walk out saying,
"She's the funniest thing
I've ever seen."
- You go on the road?
- Oh yeah. I was on the road for years.
Stayed in all the places, yeah.
With the one light bulb
and spaghetti stains
on the walls, yeah.
There couldn't be a worse
environment I could imagine
a woman to be in,
like, comedy clubs on the road.
The fucking just... human sloths
that run those comedy clubs.
Open mic, my favorite night.
No one gets paid but me.
The disgusting managers,
just like
The club owner picked me up
at the airport and said,
"You're the third female
comic we had
and if you're not funny, we're
never booking another one."
I was like, wow, the
responsibility of my entire gender
is on one weekend performance,
you know?
Females are
my favorite comedians.
I love females.
Females make me laugh.
you've got your book open.
- OK.
- Let's just do this right now.
Who do you...
What females
do you have coming up?
Let's see, February?
No one.
March, no one.
Let's see.
Mary Ocanto...
It is harder approaching
a comedy club
outside of New York when they
don't know you as a female, sure.
If you're being introduced
by a man, a male comic,
there's a look, like,
you know...
So who's sleeping with her?
I remember Silver Friedman
said to me one time,
she used to run the improv,
and I'd say, "Look,
can I get a ten o'clock spot
instead of one in the morning
with three drunks from exit 14
in New Jersey?"
And she'd say, "Look, Joy,
it's not about your talent,
it's about hanging out here.
You don't hang out enough."
I said, "Look,
I have a child, OK?
- And I have a job."
- But I also have a job to
pay my rent, pay my bills,
feed my children,
put clothes on their feet.
- So I have a difficult job.
- "Clothes on their feet"?
Shoes on their feet.
Thank you.
- It took me years to get spots.
- I never headlined you?
No. You promised me
a headline weekend.
- I can't headline you.
- - Will you headline me on...
Well, let's talk about
the dynamic of headlining.
People have to put butts
in the seats.
The question is,
if your room is 75% full,
would it have been 100% full
if it was a man?
Who makes the
decisions, do you think
to come to the comedy club,
I know that for a fact
because I know who calls
to make the reservations.
But if women are the
ones making the phone calls
why aren't they demanding
more women on the lineup?
Operator, Chuckle Hut, please.
You know who kinda
scares me now?
The group is really
empowered women,
sort of freak me out a little.
You know the ones that are like,
"We're the number one gender
and chicks rule!"
And it kinda makes me cringe because
if you really are superior,
you don't go around
saying you're superior.
Unless you're Jewish.
Yeah. Look how that turned out.
Nobody likes them. So...
Let's learn from their mistakes,
that's all I'm saying.
Women a lot of times
don't like female standups.
It's just strange when you
realize how many times you hear
a female saying,
"I hate female comics."
Don't you think
women are as funny as men?
Mostly, no.
I think men are funnier.
I don't know.
I'm having a war of selves.
What was her name?
In general, I probably
found more funny men.
I think people are
warming up to the idea.
I think a lot of women
are quite dull, actually.
- Why are you so upset?
- I'm not upset.
I'm just, like,
I don't know why,
after all these interviews
and stuff
and no one likes female comics,
it seems like, what am I doing?
Why... I don't know. I never
thought about it before.
I never thought, "Oh, they don't
wanna see a woman out there."
Now I think about it.
Maybe they don't wanna see
a woman, I don't know.
Am I forcing myself
on these people?
Who's left
to support the women of comedy?
Oh, my God.
I love female comics.
See how much the faggots
love me?
You've heard of the horse
whisperer, I am the fag whisperer.
When I know a woman connects
with a gay following,
I know that she's going to be
very successful.
But were women really funny?
Or were they merely becoming
a burden on the gay community,
who felt they had to support
these clitoral clowns?
Is it clitoral clowns
or clitoral...?
Why would you even ask that? It's the most
obvious thing I've ever heard, isn't it?
I don't know what the answer is.
What do women and gays
have in common?
'Cause gay guys aren't funny.
They go, "Whooo."
Men talk about men things,
women talk about women things
and a lot of gay guys
can relate to women things.
We used to count how many women,
when you talk about their period,
we would have a checklist.
You, check, check, check.
Can you imagine, like, if
guys bled out of their dicks
how much period jokes
there would be in comedy?
And how completely beloved
period jokes would be?
Guys are like, "I am bleeding
out of my dick
but I'm not gonna
talk about it onstage."
I hear more men do period jokes
than I do women.
Yep. I actually have a PMS joke.
In fact, 100% of the
male comedians we observe
do jokes about that time
of the month.
There's a lot of lists in my mind of
things that I shouldn't talk about.
Keep it clean, that's all.
It can be a little dirty,
but not...
You know, it's not bikers.
- Whatever.
- ...go on the stage.
A lot of people think
a woman shouldn't be dirty
and it's OK for guys.
Um, which, it's not
very fair but you know,
it pretty much is what it is.
My name is Joan Rivers
and I put out.
And that was my closing line.
And in those days it was just...
I was licking jelly off of
my boyfriend's penis
and all of the sudden...
all of the sudden I'm thinking,
"Oh, my God.
I'm turning into my mother."
You know, it's like...
Those clues, you know that
we're becoming our parents.
It's scary.
So scary.
There's so many female comics
who are like,
"Yeah, my vagina."
OK, I get it.
Well, now everybody's
kinda dirty.
Like male and female,
they're all too dirty.
- It's too easy.
- I don't give a.
I get mad even thinking about
this right now
because I'm like, everybody
acts like that's comedy.
- It drives me crazy.
- The MC would be like,
"And then I was jerking off
while I was taking a shit...
our next act is so incredible.
She has..."
And I'm just like,
how do you follow
"I was jerking off
while I was taking a shit"?
- "Hi, I'm a woman"?
- If you're a guy comic
- and...
- Rich!
Jesus Christ,
I been trying to fight it.
It was like insane.
I didn't know you could hear
it all the way over there.
- You can't eat chips.
- Why?
It's loud!
Oh, I thought
'cause of health reasons.
This is part of the
disrespect I'm talking about.
You see this?
This is what's going on.
- Look at him.
- Oh, I'm eating. That's disrespect.
You're making a lot of noise
during the interview.
- My hearing's different than yours.
- Oh, he's got male hearing.
Now you guys are being
We had a fight that night
and she said,
"Everybody hates you."
That was when we were making up.
I was trying to say I'm not
the only person who thinks
you're an asshole.
That's your character.
Everyone I ever meet is like,
"Oh, God, he's an asshole."
Like, it's funny.
Richard would always say fucked
up shit but it was always funny,
first of all, so you'd
almost kinda laugh.
But then he'd go, "You know
I didn't mean that, right?"
Like... with his fucking lisp.
And by the way, that lisp,
very humanizing.
That's what make
people love him because
he shows a little
imperfection there.
Comedy is not an art form
based in kindness, right?
There's a certain kind of guy
humor that's like roasts.
Women would never
have invented roasts
- because that's a guy type of humor.
- - We would,
we just wouldn't invite
the person of honor.
I tip so goddamn much because
I'm so mean to people.
I try to limit it to the stage,
but then I'm like,
"Really? Stack the bags like
I want them fucking stacked."
Then I feel bad 'cause they're gonna
talk about me or website me and shit.
And blog that I'm a cunt. So
I have to give them all a $20.
By the time I get to my room,
I've spent sixty fucking dollars.
I had this persona, this image
that had been sold as this nice...
It made it almost impossible
to do standup.
If you wanna stay in it,
you know how it is.
It's got a real
brutal thing about it
that it's harder for most women.
What I love about comedy is that
you can do whatever you want
and there's no director,
nobody tells you what to do
and even if they try
to tell you what to do,
you can run out.
'Cause it's a club
and there's a door
and you can get out and get
in your car, take a taxi
and you just run away
from the criticism.
Never have to face anyone.
You don't have to face anyone.
I bring a lot of clothing,
but I only bring like
two in-room shirts.
They're indoor shirts.
In the room shirts,
to be comfortable.
What if you were gonna go
downstairs to the bar or something?
Could you wear that?
Could you leave the room
with it?
I could leave the room with this
but I might have
to wear slippers
so they know I'm not going out.
I might have to tell people.
"Don't kidnap me, this shirt is
not supposed to leave the hotel."
You would never see me
with this shirt,
that would never happen
out in public.
What would people make of me?
Let me know when we're ready.
I'm trying to find her.
Do you trust her?
- Why, what do you know?
- Do you trust her?
- You're paranoid.
- Every guy's paranoid.
I trust you as my wife,
but as a woman...
You can't trust any woman
in life.
- You are crazy.
- You think you can trust any woman?
Most women aren't honest. And
so much about comedy is honesty.
Wait a minute, the premise
being that men are honest?
Where are they? I would love
to start dating some of them.
Tell the truth, that's
the basic rule of comedy.
Tell the truth.
Right, but, on the other side
there's a lot of guys, Steve
Martin wasn't honest on stage.
There wasn't an honesty
on stage,
it wasn't even attempted
to be done 40 years ago.
It wasn't like they tried it
but didn't do it.
It wasn't even what they
wanted to do. You made up,
"Oh, my girlfriend,
Rosie is a real humdinger."
It was always, "Or my wife,
I'll tell you..."
But it wasn't really anything you
had a problem with your wife.
So honesty is...
Does that make any sense?
The ones that start really breaking out
are the ones that get brutally honest.
How many people go, "Yeah, my husband
sucks or my girlfriend sucks..."?
Do they really suck
or is it a bit?
- Well, mine does.
- I know yours does.
- Yours is awful.
- Thank you.
Check this out.
I got bumped up.
- See that?
- Just you?
2B, I got bumped up.
No, but did... Serena and I...?
You guys got your own seat
in the back.
Listen... I don't wanna
go to first class.
I'd rather be back there with
her, but what am I gonna do?
Are you kidding?
I even get like," I hate to go on
the road all the time by myself."
But female comics do it, they're
dealing with all this other stuff.
My thing was always about my
safety that I would be concerned.
You going, "Shit, what if this
car breaks down out here?"
You know, in the middle
of the night.
There's some parts of the
country I'm not going.
I'm not going to Uncle Darkies.
- I'm there next week.
- Of course you're there.
You're the house MC.
Uncle Darkies.
More women on the road would
equal more women in the clubs.
It's an intriguing idea,
but a logistical nightmare.
I can't believe
that I used to share condos
with disgusting
guy comics on coke.
- Get out of here.
- I remember chicks that would,
we'd have to share
a comedy condo.
What douchebags
we would be to them.
What is a comedy condo?
It's a rape buffet.
Are you kidding me?
What you're looking at
is footage obtained
illegally by WAF
of a typical comedy condo.
It is a flop house purchase
usually in a foreclosure sale
by a comedy club to house
their touring comedians.
The headliner, the feature,
and the opening act
and the MC would all stay
at the condo.
It was like doing prison time.
I was like no.
It's just nastiness, I'm not
getting in that shower.
I'd rather stand out in the
yard and hose myself off.
Nobody came in to change
the sheets.
Guys think it's funny.
"I'm gonna rub my ass
on the pillow...
for the next person."
I'm like, "Why?"
Why I gotta lay my head
on your nasty ass? No.
I think people drawn to standup are
drawn to a transient lifestyle
where they're on the road,
they can be like, drinking,
they can be doing drugs, they can be hooking
up with different girls all the time
and I think it's like
a choice that people make.
Well, it's time to talk about
how you and I dated.
We fucked around.
While a sense
of humor is something
most women
look for in a partner,
it seems to be less important
to men.
No, I don't wanna
fuck a funny girl.
It's much farther down on their
list of desirable attributes
- in a woman.
- Funny is actually a deterrent
- to sexy, I think.
- There is definitely a sex appeal about a funny guy
that a funny women doesn't have.
"Now you're funny in bed?"
A lot of men would say that.
I ain't fucking
no fat funny bitches.
You know what I'm saying?
But women will
fuck a fat funny motherfucker.
Or a short funny motherfucker.
Or a bald funny motherfucker.
I'm not physically attractive
and I'm not athletic
but I'm funny so I'm gonna work
on that as a way to get chicks.
- Get laid...
- And it works?
Yeah, fuck yeah.
Yeah, it worked real well.
For women though, there are
consequences to getting busy.
- Mommy.
- Luckily,
it's possible to be
one funny mother.
For example, this is Heather.
And, if we're to take her
at her word,
this is her baby.
Although a wildly
funny comedian,
she was able to get impregnated
by a member of the male species.
Now Heather shares how
she manages being funny
and being Mommy.
I was doing standup
probably until I was like
four months pregnant.
Then I just couldn't...
I just felt like I had
a big secret
and I was afraid of how
I was gonna tell everybody.
Everybody's like, "I bet
you have a ton of funny
material now that you're...
now that you have a baby.
And to me it's just
not very funny.
It's really difficult to be any
professional woman and have children.
So I wanted to know
if you like female comics.
The woman always has
the larger share
- of the child rear.
- I'm trying to do something right now.
That's just the way it is.
And so I chose to stop.
People always ask things like,
"What are you working on
these days?
What's your current project?
What's on your plate?
What's on the next page?
What are you working on?"
Oh, I'm done.
I finished early.
I'm actually living
in a gravy boat...
filled with teste gravy.
What do you want in your coffee?
I got my coffee.
We got Christopher Hitchens.
- Rich. Did you hear me?
- Yes.
You and your face when you go,
There it is.
Hey, it's Bonnie,
we're waiting for you.
Call me...
It's Bonnie.
Christopher Hitchens
is a no show.
But he does have a good excuse.
Clearly he is willing
to go to any length
to avoid a sit-down
with our camera.
You don't wanna cry?
- Nope.
- One, two...
Daddy's a Jew.
Three, four, Mommy's a...
- Richard!
- I didn't say it.
The great big hug
Kiss from me to you
Won't you say
you love me too
It's time to talk
about how you and I dated.
...how you and I dated.
...how you and I dated.
- We fucked around.
- We fucked around.
We fucked around.
We fucked around.
What do you want me to say?
I mean...
You did fuck Dane Cook so...
Of course he thinks it.
Dane Cook's a movie star.
Male comedians do make
the move to movies,
whereas female comedians don't.
Is there sexism
in the comedy business?
Yeah, the whole world is sexist.
The world is run by men.
Yeah, of course there is.
For heterosexual guys,
I can't talk for fruits,
I don't know what goes on there.
...and it's so hard for us
to think of women other than
something to fuck.
- An object?
- One time in New York
some construction workers whistled
at me when I first moved there
and I turned around like, ""
And they go, "Not you!"
If you're gorgeous,
you're not gonna be funny.
So it just doesn't work.
It just doesn't work.
Looks... Like I was never
considered pretty,
which is why I can be funny.
You don't expect
the really pretty woman
to be funny.
But... You don't expect a very
handsome man to be funny either.
I knew a guy with a port wine
stain on him.
Am I gonna fucking
look at that shit?
The problem
is extremely complex.
Only ugly women can be funny.
But ugly women are not allowed
on American television.
It's not a win-win situation.
It's that other thing.
The not win-win situation.
A no-win situation.
Many, many female comedians
deserve to be on television
who aren't on sitcoms
because when they go to pick
a funny woman
they will always go
to a gorgeous woman.
All one has to do is look at
the cast members of The View
to see how true this is.
...year I had twelve comics,
two of them were women.
Um, last year I had 25 comics,
I think I only had...
I had two women last year.
Paula Poundstone
and Wendy Liebman last year.
- Just always two women?
- No, I... No.
- Isn't that true, Eddie?
- Yeah, it's true.
I rest my case.
Comedy Central rejected me.
I have no idea why.
But I think it's because
in their mind,
I was not their demographic.
I was too old, I was too female,
I was too Jew-y,
I was too whatever it was.
- I don't know.
- Most of the people in power at the Letterman Show
are women. The executive
producers are women.
The associate producer
is a woman.
His right-hand person is a
The woman who books
the whole show is a woman
because she's the woman
who books the show.
The meetings you go into
where you get introduced
to, "This is Tammy, she's the
head of comedy development."
She's got overalls on,
just out of UCLA
and she's got an Asian assistant
with a yellow pad and he's
writing something...
And these are the head
of comedy development.
How the fuck do you
get that job?
What are your qualifications?
How does anyone deem this broad
the head of comedy development?
She wouldn't make you laugh
unless she accidentally
hit her head on a pipe, then
you go, "Wow, that's good."
You know how we said five
percent of standups are good?
That's our team.
Five percent
of the industry's good.
Five percent of the industry,
they're brilliant.
Like with standup,
comedy movies feature
a lot less women.
Usually, there's only
one gal to every six guys.
And that's a gang bang.
- Up here.
- Yeah.
And yet film critic
Ben Lyons feels
it's the men in comedies
who are being shortchanged.
Men are depicted as accessories
and thrown to the side.
And it's women who are dealing with
all the story points of the movie.
His solution, no women at all.
It's like a man's movie.
There's really not movies
that are so much written as
comedy vehicles for women.
Which I feel like is annoying.
I just don't wanna be in
a comedy and not be funny
and the female lead of a comedy
is this,
"Get a job!"
"I can' do this anymore."
"Are you gonna get
your life together?"
Women who are just
made miserable
or mortified by there boyfriend
or husband's hilarious behavior.
I don't wanna do that. There
are so many great actresses
- Richard.
- Pretty actresses...
- Richard!
- What? I'm throwing this out.
- She's on a great sound-bite.
- Oh, sorry. Sorry.
- I thought...
- Guess what that was.
A male comic.
You have to be careful.
You can become the thing
you hate the most.
Oh, my God!
That's incredible.
I just was what I was...
Aren't we all what we hate?
- Really?
- I just brought that up.
- You guys...
- I don't wanna be the bitchy
girlfriend. I don't wanna be
the complaining person.
Richard, please!
Harlem has actually changed.
You guys, you can go.
There are white people
in Harlem.
And you can tell, 'cause
we got three Starbucks,
White people bring salad.
That's nice.
The first time I saw
a ripe tomato
I was like, "Ooh.
They coming."
Welcome to the Funny Feud.
We surveyed 100 people.
Top five answers
are on the board.
What kind of chicks
make you chuckle?
The funniest kind of woman
is fat.
Are black women funnier
than white women?
Yeah. Ten times funnier.
Women that are funny
are lesbians a lot.
There's some South Koreans
veer towards humor.
Joan Rivers cracks me up.
She's a white Jewish woman.
She's a Jew. Now don't
get carried away.
- You got one.
- - I was grouping white and Jewish separately.
- OK, separate.
- I put them together.
No. You can't put them together,
they always wanna do that.
That's not the same.
'Cause they're not white.
Is the funniest woman
in the world a black lesbian?
Bitches! Wait your turn.
You just better pray I don't fuck
it up for the rest of y'all.
- Oh yeah.
- Yeah.
For women, it's a demoralizing,
rejection filled thankless job
of making people laugh
who don't think they're funny.
So why do they do it?
I don't know why you do it.
I guess it's what you know,
an unpleasant feeling
your whole life.
And then, you seek more ways
to magnify that.
The crazier you are,
probably the funnier you'll be.
You... And I told some
comedian one day,
"I know sometimes it bothers me,
'cause I think does me being
normal hurt my comedy, will it?"
He does, "Oh.
You think you're normal?"
And I was like, "You don't?"
He goes,
"You're fucking not normal,
I go, "Oh, my God! Thank God!"
I think this theory that
hardship in ones life
translates into standup comedy
genius later on
is horse shit and it's not
supported by the numbers.
And it's one of these clichs.
Everybody wants to believe it.
It has very Freudian undertones
and I think it's largely
been discredited.
I'll tell you why I'm a
My parents got divorced.
A, number one.
Two, very hairy.
A lot of unwanted hair
in a town...
seemingly hairless town.
Jew. Jew among no Jews.
It's like three sitcoms
in a row,
Fish Out of Water, classic.
Bedwetter. Bedwetter well
into my teens.
Brutal. Sent to sleepover
summer camp since I was six.
Just humiliating summer
after humiliating summer.
My shrink when I was 13,
went to the second session,
waited in the waiting room
a very long time,
he had hung himself.
He had braces.
You'd think he would wait
until the braces came off.
Aren't braces a sign of hope
in a way?
If you're lucky enough to have a great sense
of humor and to be able to make people laugh
then you can use that
as a defense
and then you say,
"Hey, this is working."
How am I broken? I'm a fucking asshole
who just wants to belong and be loved
and have people care about me.
- And nobody...
- - But nobody does care about you.
Nobody. Nobody.
Is he an affectionate guy?
He... no.
- That is almost not funny.
- Why, Rich?
He touches you but it's like
a toddler
or a monster that doesn't...
...hasn't figured out
how to caress.
- It's just...
- A monster?
Just like this kind of...
No. Oh, my God.
A toddler or a monster?
- Is he a good kisser?
- He is a good...
- We haven't kissed in years.
- Touch Bonnie.
Like, touch your wife.
Make her feel good.
Like, maybe it's earlier
in the day and you think,
"Well, I wanna have sex
later tonight."
Oh, God.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
And honestly, it gets
to this so quickly.
The feeling up of the boob?
- That's how somebody...
- Look at you.
That's like a plantation owner
used to inspect a slave
- he was gonna buy.
- Is that really how you touch her?
Grabbed her arm a little,
rubbed it and then...
That's really how you touch her?
- Look, look.
- One time I was crying
and he went to console me
and he was like this...
Immediately went for the boob.
Tears coming down.
"Suck my cock."
"OK, Rich."
Oh, shit.
If I had been
in a concentration camp,
I woulda been doing jokes
all the time.
I just think...
One joke I woulda said,
"Is it just me,
or do I smell gas?"
- And...
- There's the part of us that's genuine,
then there's the silly part.
Yeah, if you don't have...
To have a serious... question
about child molestation,
I can have it.
And obviously,
it breaks your heart
to see the most precious
creature in the world
somebody would
take advantage of.
As long as you have
that part of you,
yes, there are twisted jokes
to be made.
We don't talk about crib deaths
as a topic.
Not everything is funny,
OK, Bonnie?
Everything's funny.
Since the dawn of civilization,
women have had to fight...
I don't know what
the rest of it is.
It doesn't matter.
Because it's gonna go
to voiceover.
Women in comedy
have to fight many stereotypes,
including one first brought to our
attention by comedian Jim Breuer.
He believes all female
comedians have been molested.
This is some dark stuff
with Uncle Lenny going on.
- I was not molested.
- No.
Something happened to her. Something
definitely happened to her.
My father, my uncle, none
of them found me attractive.
For me, I can see, she's
definitely hiding something.
I think maybe, it's not that
they didn't find me attractive
enough to molest me, I think
that it was more like
I was unapproachable.
You know what I mean?
Could there be
any truth to Jim's theorem?
Were any female comedians
- I was. I was.
- I can't say by who.
- What?
- The thought that women
become comedians because
they were molested
has never, ever occurred to me.
That thought has never
entered my mind.
Maybe because I molest
so many women
and don't like to think that,
"Gee, am I...
doing something to them?"
Why are we molested
and he's not?
Whoa, whoa!
Bonnie has never been molested,
but she has had her fair share
of awkward sexual exchanges.
I'm going to the bathroom
to screw on my dick.
So I just celebrated
my second year
wedding anniversary.
Oh. You guys that's sweet
but don't, it's not working out.
It's hard, you know. "Keep it
spicy." That's what everybody says.
Keep it spicy but I hate porn.
I just...
Don't get me wrong,
the money was great.
Well, it's time to talk
about how you and I dated.
We fucked around.
I know you slept with Dane.
I know you did.
Are you... are you
kidding me right now?
- Oh, really? Why would he say that?
- He was joking around.
Oh, he was joking?
Why didn't you say that?
- In two years...
- Say what?
Dane, he slept with you.
And in two years...
In the interview he was joking.
This guy's getting off I think.
A lot of times people...
The truth comes out
in joke form.
He was joking.
You know he was joking
Your brain is playing some
kind of weird trick on you.
You laughed at the time.
- Now it's seeping in that...
- Do I look fat here?
Fucking put your brain to rest and we don't
have to have this conversation again.
We especially...
Is he getting off?
We especially don't have to
have this conversation
right before I'm about
to fucking go on stage.
You get me riled up
and then I gotta go...
Are you joking with me?
- Are you joking with me?
- No, I just...
- I can't tell.
- It doesn't matter.
Go do your show
so we can go on...
Now I have to not know
if you're joking around?
Do you really think it?
- Whatever.
- It's not true.
Leave me alone.
Stupid asshole.
My husband is also
a comedian and...
No, we don't
sit around laughing.
We don't like to bring
our work home with us.
Female comedians
are expected to keep up with
their male counterparts comedically.
But many of them also shoulder
the added responsibility
of having a husband.
I don't know how you do it,
honey. I can't date a guy...
Comic, I can't. I always
have to be the funniest one.
I just have to. And I have...
Rich Vos, national headlining.
- Go on.
- Is it in fact just
easier being a man?
No, that's not how you take it off.
Are you stupid?
- Right there.
- Where? Right here?
- God. You're stupid.
- This?
The only real way to understand
someone else's experience
is to walk a mile
in their boxer briefs.
Can you make me look
something like that?
- OK.
- Let's do this.
My plan was to get
a sex change operation
but I decided to do this first.
I'm gonna fucking kill as a man.
I can feel it already.
...because if you ever
became a man,
I'd be gone.
This is how I'm gonna keep you.
Are you kidding?
I'd be gone.
You're too Jewy for me.
And I'm a Jew.
Watch this. Watch this.
I'm a guy.
- I'm Barney Mac, nice to meet you.
- What is it?
I have a Comedy Central
half hour special,
and I'm also the voice of Lenny
on the Cartoon Network
- Joycab.
- Let me write all this down.
- Thanks, bro.
- Can I get some change for that?
Do what you do.
Quit picking pussy hairs
out of your tongue.
I can't help it. I fucking
eat pussy before every show.
Please welcome Barney Mac,
ladies and gentlemen.
I love animals.
I would never buy any...
I would never buy any product
that had been tested
on animals.
Never. 'Cause I like to do
that myself at home.
Make sure the control group
is isolated.
You don't know what they're
doing in these labs.
Very loose guidelines.
This lady wants me.
You can totally tell.
I know I'm weird.
I'm a weird dude.
I used to always carry
a man-purse, a murse.
You ever carry one of those?
A murse.
I love it. I loved that murse.
But I was losing it.
I'd lose it everywhere.
I was always leaving
my murse around.
I kept losing my murse.
I just started carrying
everything on my person,
my pants. I only lost my pants
a couple of times.
So that's really working out.
All right, thank you very much,
everyone. Good night.
Barney Mac,
ladies and gentlemen.
I'm telling you, it was great.
One, none of them
understood you,
they were all foreigners,
so you got some laughs, right?
That's your first time
on stage as a guy.
It's like you were new
and you got laughs.
I know but I felt like I was...
I just thought...
I'm telling you, it was great.
It was good.
It was, I'm telling you.
It was good.
Didn't you see me laughing?
I know but I felt like
you were laughing at me.
I wasn't laughing at you.
I was laughing at your jokes
and your hair, that was good.
I'm telling you that was good.
That was good.
Don't be upset.
- I just can't be a comic.
- No.
- Listen...
- Because I can't do it as a man
and I can't do it as a woman.
You were great.
You were great.
You're great as a woman
- You're better as a woman.
- Somebody's gonna come out here
and see some dude
fucking crying his eyes out.
No, I'm telling you,
you were great.
Listen to me, I'm serious.
- I was...
- I don't even care about this stupid documentary.
- I'm telling you...
- I don't care if people think women are funny.
- I just don't even care anymore.
- I'm telling you...
- I just think...
- You are one of...
Everybody says how funny
you are as a woman.
I don't care if everyone
thinks I'm funny as a woman.
'Cause I only care
if you think I'm funny.
- I think you're hilarious. I was laughing.
- No, you don't.
I wanted you back as a lady.
I wanted you back
as a woman up there.
The girl I love... Why do you think I
love you? It's 'cause you're funny
- and you're good looking.
- I don't want the camera's on.
I can't...
I don't even see you
as a woman or as a man.
You're just great.
I'm telling you, you were great.
Come here.
You... you were great.
I'm telling you.
You were great, you were good.
- I'll be back in a second.
- - No, keep the beard on.
It is at this point
Bonnie is forced to contemplate
the title of her cocumentary.
Perhaps it shouldn't be Women
Aren't Funny but
Bonnie Aren't Funny.
But, as Oprah likes to say,
"Bite off more than
you can chew,
then chew it."
I like to go in...
But Bonnie can
no longer chew it all.
Something is going
to have to give.
Really funny, then one time
he told me he had AIDS.
That was very scary.
That went on for two years.
You guys have been so fun,
thank you very much.
For now,
standup will have to sit down.
Let's hear it for Bonnie,
Chicks love it.
Without the stresses of
standup and going on the road,
Bonnie is finally able
to experience
some of the simple everyday pleasures
of being a stay at home mom.
Grocery shopping, hanging
out with other mommies.
You can't get homeowners
insurance doing one of these.
Even get your teeth cleaned.
It really is the greatest,
most rewarding job
any woman can have.
Mommy, Mommy.
Mommy, Mommy.
But enough is enough.
Bonnie is ready to put
standup back on it's feet.
I have to believe that the
impulse to make people laugh
is just innate.
It's a biological imperative.
There's just no reason why
women wouldn't have that.
Of course they do.
We have to do what we do
creatively so,
we can stay happy.
- I still love it. Don't you love it?
- Yeah.
When I think of a new joke, I can't
believe I thought of a new joke.
- That's so exciting.
- Once you say something,
once you put jokes out there,
material out there,
it's for the person
who's listening.
- It's theirs.
- The goal is to get
your audience
to come and see you.
You know? And once that specific
crowd comes to see you,
it lightens
the burden enormously.
You don't have to prove.
You walk out and they say,
"Oh, I know her already."
Bonnie is ready
to find her audience.
If it's out there.
So female comedian headlining?
Yeah, or just
comedian headlining.
- I mean...
- I don't know.
- What do you think?
- I like that you're performing.
I'd like for you
to be in the mix.
But that would be kinda key.
I think things were working well
when you were opening for Rich.
Apparently, attitudes
have not changed much
during Bonnie's hiatus.
There even appears to be
a new hater in the media.
- Oh, my God.
- It's Adam Corolla,
formerly of The Man Show
and presently a podcast king,
he tells the New York Post that
men are far funnier than women.
This sends the Twitterverse into a
frenzy of angry counterattacks.
Why would anyone wanna bring
this kind of resentment
against himself?
This reporter makes it
her mission to find out.
- Hi, good to see you.
- Hey, thanks for coming.
My pleasure.
You're on a slab,
where are you gonna run?
How are you gonna get
all these wires...
Right after he
finishes talking about
his podcast studio.
- ...60 million downloads in a year.
- - And his podcast.
...Guinness Book of
World Records, which is nice.
- And his inability to read.
- I really couldn't read, and so I never did.
I've read a comic book.
A book, I just...
I wouldn't read.
He eventually gets to
the New York Post article
and how he was taken
out of context.
I guess I do know why,
I think they try to bait you
with stuff that gets them
more ink
or more press
or more eyes or ears
than they would've
normally gotten.
At a certain point,
I think he just said,
"Who's funnier, men or women?"
Comedians... if you
don't have an opinion,
you're not doing your job.
So I said men
and then it got
sort of ran with,
sort of picked up
and ran with this like,
"Adam's says women
aren't funny."
You're in the business
of sort of busting chops
or even busting
the occasional labia.
That's where the comedy is.
Why do you think women get
so angry every time
that it comes up?
Obviously, they feel
it's true to some degree
or they wouldn't have
an issue with it.
Calling a skinny guy fat
just makes him laugh.
Calling someone that's 20 pounds
overweight fat, gets 'em pissed.
- Obviously, you strike a chord...
- - Could Adam be right?
Did it really come down to
a disbelief in ourselves?
Or is it possible women
are angry because
we're sick of the constant
untrue stereotype?
By the way, I've been talking
my whole life,
- no one's ever listened to me.
- Good point.
Perhaps women need
to go back to that.
- The not listening.
- ...was "Shut up."
My parents, "Take it outside."
Every guy I ever worked
with was like,
"Yeah, who cares? Shut up."
There are a few things
Bonnie needs to do.
First, she gets a new manager.
- Oh, yes.
- Bonnie is compelled to do something else as well.
Bonnie heads to Boston.
- Why are you doing this?
- What are you doing?
- I'm doing my voiceover.
- Why are you using your own name?
Why are you doing this?
It's too creepy.
It's third person,
it's what journalists do.
You're not a journalist,
your a comic. Stop it.
It's... Nobody likes it.
And nobody likes you.
- Oh, that's nice.
- Just stop it.
- Thank you.
- It's ridiculous.
Well, then.
Good. A little
positive reinforcement.
Where was I?
Bonnie arrives in...
I. I arrive in Boston for the second
annual Women in Comedy Festival
starring Maria Bamford.
I find her getting her material
ready for show.
And I ask her
about that website.
My name still isn't on it.
But it is important to me.
I'm logged and archived
and on the list of
funny women comedians.
- So would you marry Bonnie all over again?
- Yes!
Yes. What do you mean,
at this age?
- Or if I was...
- Right now.
Would I... Yeah, of course.
We could do another wedding.
Why don't you look at her
and say that?
I would marry you
a hundred times over.
Look at me, Rich!
I can't with that guy
behind you.
There's no one else on this
planet I would rather be with.
Oh, so you wanna leave
the planet?
What about... what about
other planets?
I think she's
so fucking funny...
Excuse me.
As a comic...
Is there cum on my chin?
As a comic.
You know, not a female.
And off stage and everything.
And I tell her that
all the time.
And she's a brilliant writer, I tell
her she's just fucking brilliant.
She really is. We're married,
we have good times, we have bad.
She's got her butt up
in the air.
Oh, you.
How does this start, really?
My glasses.
Holy shit, Rich.
I wanna be with somebody that you
can just do bits all day with.
But there are guys that love
the fact that women do comedy.
I saw it in a movie once.
Hey, look, for anybody that says
women comedians aren't funny,
I got one thing to say,
Rita fucking Rudner.
Now I have to be funny.
Hey, it's Vos.
Can you do me favor?
Look, I know you already
rebooked me,
but can you give Bonnie
a weekend there?
No, as a headliner.
No, no, no.
Really, she's a lot better now.
Let's face it, Moms Mabley was the
funniest. She was the funniest.
- Ellen DeGeneres.
- Cathy Ladman
- and Wendy Liebman.
- Lucille Ball.
I know girls have a tough time
in your club.
Am I available when?
Yeah, I'm open that weekend.
Yeah. Hold on.
- Phyllis Diller...
- I'm thinking about Morgan Murphy.
Sometime in the fall or winter.
So do Christmas weekend,
any of those.
Or spring or the summer.
I mean, Sheryl Underwood
is funny.
Gilda Radner. Paula Bel's funny.
Phyllis Diller.
Margaret Cho's a funny bitch.
All right, yeah. Cool.
Thanks, man.
Your name's nowhere to be found.
- It's good. I'm very proud of you.
- Yeah. This is...
- Very proud. You're gonna do well.
- Thank you.
This is gonna be amazing.
I can't go on right now.
- What am I doing?
- Just do it.
I can't. Why did I decide...
They're expecting a headliner.
You're gonna kill,
you're a headliner.
- You're gonna kill.
- I know, but they're like,
everybody says they don't
wanna see female comics,
what am I doing?
I've never been molested.
I'm not fat.
I've only been fat a couple
of times in my life.
Like when I first started college
and right after I was pregnant.
- Is that enough?
- You're gonna do all right.
- Relax. You've gone on stage a million times.
- I'm not a lesbian.
I was a lesbian the exact same
times I was fat, actually.
Me and my mom have
a weird relationship
which is awkward 'cause I live
in her basement apartment.
The other day I actually called and
I heard her walk over to the phone
see it was me calling
and then walk away.
Thanks a lot,
enjoy the rest of the show.
Adrienne. A big hand
for Adrienne.
How many are ready for
the main act tonight?
She's had a long week,
HBO special, she's been on the
Letterman Show, Comedy Central.
A big hand for Bonnie McFarlane.
Thank you, everybody.
Oh. That was is.
I thought there was gonna be
a lot more applause.
I'll deal with it.
I'll deal with it.
Thank you.
Thank you. Here's the thing,
is that I realize
that not everybody likes female
comics, there's one right there.
- Are you having a good time?
- Yeah.
Oh, OK. Everyone
shows it differently.
That's cool.
You wanna give the death stare to
let me know you're having fun.
Thank you.
I'm very happy to be here.
This is a real treat...
for you guys.
I'm pretty... pretty good.
I'm a pretty good comic.
- No, I...
- Aww.
Where's the Puerto Rican table?
Someone's lost a baby.
Oh, you gotta be somewhere?
Why don't you do
your rapper impression?
That's good. That's good.
Why don't you do your old lady?
What was your other one
that you had?
That's the rapper. Don't you
have another impression?
Come on, we fucking
talked about this.
Did we work on this?
All right, let's do this.
Um... let's start the bidding.
Thank you very much, everybody.
Good night.
Yeah, it was funny.
I was cracking up.
Didn't you see me
in the back laughing?
- I didn't, no.
- I was laughing.
- I was too busy concentrating.
- It was good.
- Thank you.
- Funny.
Are women funny?
It's probably something
you can only answer
for yourself.
But if you don't
think they're funny,
you're probably an asshole.
I asked you not to call me
at this number.
Mr. Hitchens, thank you so much
for agreeing to take
some time out
and talk to us today.
I have a lot of your books and
I'm a big fan of your writing.
Not as big a fan of this
Vanity Fair article,
"Why Women Aren't Funny".
Um, what drove you to write
this article?
Simply because
they're not funny.
Rich, stop it!
Who cares? What the fuck
are you doing?
Look at the size, would that
be too big for our room?
Rich, there's a time
and a place.
I know you're doing it 'cause
you think
that you're gonna get on
the thing, but you're not,
because we're already doing
a fake thing.
So if you start doing it,
then it's not gonna work.
Get on with it.
Oh. OK.
So if a man doesn't think somebody's
funny, then they're just not funny?
Are white men the gold standard
for everything entertainment?
I'm sorry...
You lost me, I'm sorry. What?
See, even in this
interview here,
I'm having a hard time
listening to you.
There's just no...
visceral connection here,
It's like, it's like...
You remind me of one of those
robots in the
Hall of Fame Presidents ride
at Disneyworld.
I see you moving and speaking
and I don't care
'cause there's no true human
connection to anything you're saying.
- No...
- No. Engaging is engaging.
And women are not engaged
unless, of course,
a man buys them a ring
and puts it on their finger.
If the male race could procreate
and reproduce on it's own,
the world would be
a better place.
There's unfortunately
a hindrance,
and a necessary one
that we must plant our seeds
in the belly of you nincompoops.
So that...
We take good with bad
in this life.
- Like, it's just brilliant...
- Rich.
- It's so fucking funny.
- Oh, good.
- Unbeliev... you gotta practice it.
- All right, enough.
What do you mean?