Shoestring (1979) s01e02 Episode Script

Hello, Mr Patterson's surgery.
Yes.
Oh, yes, about your appointment.
One of those.
Give her a minute to settle.
Bill, keep over.
Look out, they're getting faster.
I know what she's talking about.
She was in an accident.
Her husband died.
- Bad dream, then.
- Careful, love.
And the car just drove off and left them.
Slow down.
- It was in the papers.
White.
It is white.
A van.
A white van.
Ford.
Two men.
On top Something on top of the roof rack.
She told me she couldn't remember a thing about the accident.
Total blackout.
Memory must have been there, though.
Bill? Are you all right? Bill! You'll get fallen arches if you don't buy yourself a new car.
It'll be ready by lunchtime.
Anyway, Radio West don't pay me that much.
Enough for the outstanding rent.
Enough to buy you lunch in your canteen.
Not such a good idea, in view of your new job.
Putting up the wall, are you? Just professionally.
- See you later! - You'll hear me later.
- Prettier lip than James Galway.
- Pretty amazing.
- Don, do you have a spare second? Don? Mmm? Ever wonder about the definition of success? No.
Um, more money? Is that what's troubling you already? Our weekly pay cheque not enough? - Yes? - Kill any more calls on the local government thing.
Our listeners will go to sleep.
Or worse, go network with Wogan.
The script you've had written for me, I can't say these lines.
It reads all right.
- Problem still? - No.
No, it doesn't.
It reads like the annals of Scotland Yard.
I know you're nervous, but don't worry, it'll be a knockout.
But so far all I've done is I've found a stolen bike, I've traced a necklace pawned by an underpaid au pair and And I've referred two cases to the police.
Calm those butterflies, maestro.
We all get 'em.
Remember, the microphone's your friend.
I can't even talk into an answerphone.
- Oh, Mr Shoestring? - Yes? 6:30 for supper and then a rehearsal with the producer.
Don't be late.
Oh, well, you can always play Mantovani, can't you? Do you like the footsteps they're using to introduce you? I think they're wonderful, yes.
- I get to stay late to listen.
- Oh, really? Well, there's nothing like a gallery to get me going.
More phone-in requests for your services.
Looks like quite a lot of our listeners want a word with Private Ear.
I should have stuck to serving writs.
I hope you don't mind, I listened to those tapes.
Mostly trivial stuff, loonies.
- Except for one interesting call.
- What was that? Something that happened at the dentist's.
I got the write-off money for our car, and a small amount of cover for Bill's death.
Not much, I suppose.
To begin with, they were working it out by arms and legs.
It was three weeks before he died.
Bill hadn't any life insurance.
He didn't think much of dying.
We were enjoying life.
Doing so well.
Do you know, we'd opened a small restaurant.
A lot of work but great fun.
But the usual bank loans and mortgage Then this.
No Bill, no restaurant.
I really want to get those people.
The van came up here, full speed, crashed into your car, sent it into the hedge - and then just drove away.
- Yes.
- You think they were drunk? - Most likely.
The accident happened at 11:20.
Yes.
On the smashed clock in the car.
Pubs close at 11:OO.
Ten minutes' drinking-up time.
And there were two men in the van? Well, that's what I said at the dentist.
And I talked about the van.
But you haven't remembered anything else since? No.
The rest is still blank.
And the police, they weren't Well, they weren't very hopeful.
With the amount of work they have on, six months is a long way back.
What makes you think I can do any better? You weren't quite what I expected.
No? Excuse me, are you the landlord? I'm Shoestring.
- Uh, can I ask you some questions? - What sort of questions? Well, I'd like to ask you about an accident that happened along the road here about six months ago.
It was a hit and run.
- Shoestring, did you say? - Yes, I'm on the radio.
Oh, yes, we've heard of you.
Private Ear, aren't you? Announcements about you go a right rib around the bar of an evening.
- Really? - Oh, yes, indeed.
Better than any comedy on television.
Oh, I'm good for business, then.
What's not so good is my regulars feeling they're being pried into.
- Are you with me? - I know what you mean.
Discreet.
Like a family doctor.
That's your local landlord.
I've often wondered about some of them.
The psychology, you know.
Smiling faces as they're ringing up the cash registers, watching the customers get drunk.
Listen, Shoestring.
Even if I could help you or the police, I wouldn't.
I don't suppose you would.
Not even if they had been drinking here.
Two blokes, in a white Ford van who left a man dead and his wife injured.
Well, I'm dropping to that cellar.
What do you say, boys? Break a leg and God knows what else.
Listen, Mr Shoestring.
We're tired, wet and even fractured, so I don't advise getting in our way.
And if you don't mind, we've work to do.
So you won't help me? This is the only pub for miles around.
And they didn't drink here.
And I'll tell you why I know.
I lost this, and my wife in a road crash.
Are you with me? I'm only providing a public service, Jim.
Before we know it, he'll be taking all the publicity away from us unsung heroes, won't he, Reg? Oh, come on, you've helped me before.
In fact, you owe me a pint.
Different now, Eddie.
You've joined the media.
We got answers to all their queries and the answer's always "maybe".
- And that's final.
- That's very funny.
If I could get that woman compensation from the bastards who killed her husband, that wouldn't be so funny, would it? All right.
We checked every pub and hotel within 30 miles.
Nothing.
Could have been drinking in this van that she's remembered.
What if What if her memory was affected by this anaesthetic and it's all fantasy? I don't think it is.
Eddie, if you were one of our mob, I'd tell you forget it.
If there ever was a white van, it's probably just a little cube of scrap by now.
Where's your optimism? Gone like the dodo, mate.
Stick to stray dogs and welfare fiddles.
Just a few more words for level, Eddie.
What do you want me to say? Okay, you've said it.
Ten seconds.
Good luck.
Thank you.
The time now, almost 8.
OO.
And from Radio West, our brand - new programme with you the public in mind, The Private Ear of Eddie Shoestring, in which Eddie, our own private detective, who works free for you, reports on one of his cases.
And here he is, Eddie Shoestring.
Good evening.
First of all, my thanks to all of you who phoned in for me to make enquiries on your behalf.
I've had some very interesting cases indeed.
But you will understand, won't you, if it isn't always your problem that gets dealt with? This week, let me tell you about the case of a woman listener.
I won't use any real names, of course.
- But who was worried, and called me.
- It's nerves.
It was to do with money, it usually is.
Several thousand pounds had been left to her cousin.
It was one of those embarrassing situations where Who had Had start God, I'd better go down.
The situation, um Uh Basically, see, what had happened was that this cousin was a con merchant and he'd fooled a bunch of idiots who were willing to invest in one of his fraudulent companies.
But before the law could get hold of him, he'd got on the first flight to Frangipane Land.
This led to our listener's so-called cousin, from now on, I'll refer to him as King, because he was living like one.
Well, he said he'd managed to slip back into the country, all ready to claim he was the black sheep so he could get the money, see? Well, he had everything off pat and And he certainly looked the part of a man who lived in a tropical paradise for 20 years and he had a face like an old leather saddle.
- Highly entertaining.
- Couldn't ask for anything more.
- He's terrific! - Great.
But I only hope the people he exposes don't come here after our blood.
And she would have had an affair Nice one.
Nice one.
Now, I reckon we'll take about 100, eh? - Well, at least.
- Well, for these.
You know, there's a new hamburger joint looking for decor.
- Should get 20 or 30 apiece.
- Mmm.
Now a little love.
Love.
- Cheers.
- Mmm.
Cheers.
You know, I rather like these night raids.
About six months ago, a white Ford van was involved in a hit and run.
Hmm.
Well, that should make our life more interesting.
And I think that somebody, possibly in town here, may have done a fast repair job on that van.
And I want to find out who did it and where.
And it'll all be dealt with in strict confidence.
Goodnight.
And straight away we're all working for Shoestring the Private Ear.
Landmark in local radio.
Never had any doubt about it.
Thank you very much.
- Cheers.
- Good health.
It's got a campaign feel to it.
That's what I like about it.
Already had one of the directors on with congratulations.
But we must watch this off-the-cuff business.
But I seize up with a script, you heard.
There's such a thing as libellous utterances on the air.
Urgent call for Mr Shoestring.
There you are.
First rumble of the avalanche.
Man called Norman.
Says he knows you.
All the extras.
Radio, cassette player.
Now you're in the game yourself.
Heated rear window.
Norman, what did you call me here for? I, uh I heard you ask about the white van.
Yes? I could do you a good deal on that heap you got.
And arrange a spot of HP.
Oh, I see.
- So, there is a price.
- 1250.
For some information? You'll take it? Well, it depends what the information is.
Bloke I know takes the odd wrapper off me.
Wrapper? Wrapped around a tree.
Six months ago, there he was, sweating like a pig over this white Ford.
A white Ford van.
Two blokes.
Perhaps you did a repair on it? A re-spray? Pascoe.
You might have re-sprayed the van a new colour.
I need to find that van! You needn't even give me the names of the blokes if you don't want to.
You see, I'm trying to work out something worthwhile for the wife of the man who died.
And I need to trace these two blokes.
Well, what does it matter to you? All right, then give me back my tenner, then.
All right, Mr Shoestring.
I'm a fair man.
I found this when I was clearing out some rubbish from the back of the van.
How's your accident inquiry coming along? Well, I've run into a road block.
I did get this tip about the van.
That's all I've got to show for it.
Who is he? Who was he, more like.
He probably went over the top with the rest of Kitchener's cannon fodder.
Well, he should be easy to identify.
Gloucester Rifles, a padre, and if you hadn't noticed, he has the Military Cross.
Try Regimental Records.
A friend of mine found this photograph of you.
Oh.
I wondered if I'd stay in the church then, after what I saw in the trenches.
The point is, Mr Appleby Ah! Ah, choughs! There's one now! Look! Choughs! Do you know, there were millions of choughs in Dickens' day.
Now, nearly gone.
Mr Appleby, about this photograph You want Alice.
- Alice? - Yeah.
Died in Silver Jubilee year.
Hated birds.
Strange girl.
I'm only talking about six months ago, Mr Appleby.
Are you all right, James? - This is Mr Shubert.
- Shoestring.
- How do you do? - Hello, very nice to meet you.
My brother does go on a bit about wildlife.
Yes, he's quite an expert.
He couldn't tell an aeroplane from a sparrow.
Mr Shubert wants to know about that old picture.
Oh! Well, however did you find this? I thought we'd lost that forever when that bureau went.
- Bureau? - Yes.
We used to keep all our old photos in it.
But I cleared them out when we sold it.
Excuse me, but who did you sell it to? They were so charming.
Knocked on the door one afternoon and asked if I had anything we wanted to sell.
I was stupid enough to let them in.
Were they antique dealers? I had no intention of getting rid of that bureau! But they were clever.
They paid me such a good price for a mahogany table that, well, I was beguiled.
So you sold them the bureau for next to nothing? Huh.
I only found out afterwards what it was really worth.
Of course, they had their eyes on that bureau all the time.
- Did they have a van? - Yes.
A white one.
You don't happen to remember what their names were, do you? I never knew their names, they just paid in cash and left.
A small Queen Anne walnut bureau with a secret drawer in the top.
Honey coloured? Mrs Appleby didn't say.
The lighter they are in colour, the more valuable.
All she knows is she was dilled out of 1,500 quid.
That's a lot of money.
I know it's a lot of money.
1920s bronze, Bruno Zach.
Believed to be Lady Radclyffe Hall.
Well, she's a very attractive girl.
Yeah, she a was lesbian.
- Can I help you? - Yes.
No.
No, I'm just browsing around.
I thought I might pick up a bargain.
Well I think you've come to the wrong shop for that.
Well, I might have gold teeth, or a wallet full of credit cards.
Well, I'm always open to offers.
Any particular interest, apart from the nudes? Yes.
The Queen Anne bureau in the window.
Uh, circa Circa Queen Anne.
Exactly.
Not many of them around, are there? It's a nice honey colour.
Yes, that one's quite exceptional.
One careful lady owner? £2,300 plus VAT.
Still interested? Yes.
Yes, I've got to have somewhere to keep my love letters.
Can I have a look at it? It's a bit difficult.
If I thought you were really going to buy it, I'd have it moved out of the window.
Well, there you go again.
Now, I might be acting for the Sheik of Kuwait.
You might, but you're not.
He comes in here regularly.
Well, can I have a look at it anyway? - Please? - All right.
But mind how you go in the window.
Otherwise you'll need all your credit cards.
Thank you.
Sorry.
Ah, Mrs Knight, hello.
Have you got that Waterford piece I saw the other day? I'm so sorry, we've sold it.
Well, you'll let me know if there's more? - I will.
- All right.
It's locked.
Yes, I know.
I'm having another key cut.
The original got lost.
Oh, what a pity.
I wanted to see if it had a secret draw in it.
I can tell you.
It hasn't.
It might have a very secret draw.
It won't be the one you're looking for, then, will it? No.
I don't suppose it will.
All right? Yes.
Was it like the last time? Did I talk about the accident? I'm afraid not.
No.
No, this time you were well and truly out.
Oh.
Have you got anywhere with what you did remember? Not much luck so far.
Oh, it'll be a tall order to find the three men now.
Two men.
No.
You mumbled something about a third man.
Surely we told you.
We have knocked the furniture knockers before.
Oh? Oh, yes, of course.
I'm a great fan of your afternoon magazine programme.
Strictly speaking, they are not breaking the law.
No No, but perhaps you could help me nail the two men who did.
You see, I want to draw attention to them by explaining to the public how they can be conned.
You never know, you might even get a phone-in or two yourself.
Hi, Madge.
We'll have to be careful how you handle the description.
- So, you'll do it? - It's worth a try.
Oh, thank you very much, Madge.
Uh, Madge.
Can I call you Madge? Nobody ever calls me anything else.
Radio West News.
- The strike that's held up work on - Being nice to Auntie Madge? - Oh, shh! It's all in a good cause.
Got a message for you.
- From Claire Stevens.
- Thank you.
It was kind of the estate agents to send you along.
Did you want to buy the whole lot? Well, sir, we don't We don't deal in, begging your pardon, junk.
But your late mother obviously had a few good pieces.
Some good things.
Yes.
I hadn't seen her for some years.
You know Gareth's doing up old radios? Hmm.
It's crap.
For heaven's sake, be careful with other peoples' property, Charles.
I'm sorry, sir.
My brother is new to the business and he doesn't understand the value of things.
Well, this is an interesting table.
It could be Georgian, you know, it's got the carved legs.
It's definitely got, uh, a bit of time on it.
As they say.
Yes, yes, it's, uh It's worth quite a lot, I'd say.
Oh, we could go to a hundred, perhaps, in cash.
Really? Well, with a bit of elbow grease, come up very nicely.
And this really isn't bad, you know.
It's a shame it's damaged, but You see, there's really not a lot of call for big furniture.
It's rather too ornate.
I don't know.
Needs a lot of work doing to it.
But I dare say we could do something with it.
Yes, well, actually, my sister in Southport I'll tell you what.
150 for both items.
Whose side are you on? Bride or groom's? I'm on the side of the caterers, actually.
Oh, Mr Shoestring.
There you are.
This is my partner Kate.
- Hello, Mr Shoestring.
- Hello, Kate.
- Hello.
- Hello.
There you are.
Be careful.
There's something I think you ought to know.
Yes? There were three men in the van, not two.
Three? I went to the dentist again and he reminded me.
Now, apparently, I had an image of a third man.
With his head and shoulders hanging through the smashed windscreen.
His face was covered in blood and his eyes were staring.
The other men were dragging him back into the van.
Terrible thing to talk about before a wedding, isn't it? I want to warn you about this danger of selling at the door to furniture dealers who just turn up and rattle the knocker, which is what gives them their nickname.
But there's nothing amusing about it.
On the contrary, they can be quiet unscrupulous.
The con trick goes like this.
It's usually a double act.
Their first gag is to inflate the price of a certain item.
One of the knockers is full of enthusiasm.
The other, pessimistic.
Then comes the clever bit.
They single out another piece which is twice the value in cash.
And the seller is hooked.
And an offer is made for the so-called dubious item to throw it in for a knock-down price, when it's probably worth five times more.
If you won't say who you are or where you are, you can't expect Mr Shoestring to investigate.
Phoning about those antique dealers you talked about.
The knockers.
Well, this afternoon there were two of them here.
With a green van, a Ford.
You know, Eddie, this new career of yours could be very awkward for both of us.
Why? How am I supposed to know if you're using me or not? What do you mean? Well, a healthy lust for my body is one thing.
But trying to seduce me into getting information for you is something else.
I asked you to look at those files as a favour.
But if that's the way you feel, then it's all right.
- And you expect to have me, too.
- Hmm.
The day following the Stevens accident, a man was found on a railway line hit by a train, 15 miles from Helford.
What page is that on? Over.
Andrew Fairbrother, believed to have been drunk, a French polisher.
Polisher? So, what's your next move? Just browsing again? This is the gathering place for dealers, isn't it? Still looking for something to put your love letters in? No, I'm looking for a van today.
That's a bit mundane, isn't it, in the world of objet d'art? You've got to have something to carry your objets in.
You wouldn't happen to know who owns that green Ford van outside, would you? And what would be your interest in that, Mr, um Shoestring.
- Shoestring? - Hmm.
And your interest is Queen Anne bureaus? Perhaps you could tell me something else.
Who employed Andrew Fairbrother? Jobbed around, anyone and everyone.
You're beginning to sound rather like a copper.
Oh, no, my inquiries are strictly private.
Of course! You're the new radio Sherlock Holmes.
Mmm-hmm.
Only I've just mislaid my third husband.
But I don't want to find him.
I'm actually looking for something rather different.
How would you like to join me in a life full of misery and pain? I'll think about it.
Will you just excuse me for now? Stupid bastards! It's too risky, Eddie.
But you can do something, you know you can.
What happened to that campaign feeling? Oh, all right.
Have a word with the junior news editor.
Tell him to watch it.
Thank you, can I use your - Hello? - Hello, Erica, it's me.
Look, I'm sorry.
I can't pick you up as promised for lunch.
No, I've got some urgent business.
I suppose you eat a lot of business lunches.
Yes.
Does it show? Your body? No.
Doesn't exactly show signs of over-indulgence.
You're what's known in the trade as a confident buyer.
Well, I'm not interested in me.
What about you? Don't be fooled.
I started out with a market stall 20 years ago.
You've done very well.
Selling antiques abroad, staying in first-class hotels can be a 22-carat war.
New York's the worst.
Yes, I know, I went there once.
To a computer conference.
What else are you, besides a genius and a private eye? I asked you to lunch to talk about Andrew Fairbrother.
His death was no mystery.
Too much of this, poor old Andy.
I don't believe poor old Andy was ever anywhere near that railway line.
He was out as one of a team of knockers.
They got a good haul, a Queen Anne bureau, then they went to celebrate.
And afterwards they caused an accident with their van in which two people were killed.
A young woman's husband and Fairbrother.
And I think you know the people I'm looking for.
Barbara? I can't help you.
I must go.
Has the old dear walked out on you, Ed? Time just coming up to 2.
30.
Now we go to the Radio West Review.
Mr Shoestring? They put the message out about the van after the 1:OO news.
You've had a call.
Eddie, that green van was in here a short time ago.
I filled her up myself.
It's the one you want, all right.
Two young blokes, heard what was said on Radio West, went out the forecourt fast.
But it was my lunch hour, so I jumped in my car and followed them.
They went over the bridge and then they turned off down the road to Beechley.
Well, by the way, hope you give me a mention.
Tony Davis is the name.
Well, if it isn't the radio vigilante.
How very silly of you to be so persistent, Mr Bootlace.
Extremely silly.
He's wearing a pyjama jacket.
We shall just have to bash his private ear, shan't we? I think I'd better go and get the AA.
Ooh! Pascoe! Pascoe, I want to talk to you! Pascoe, I've got the van.
And all I want you to do is tell me is this the one you fixed or isn't it? Look, I promise you, you won't get involved.
All I need is positive identification.
Why the hell are you locked up? You heard them mention the van on the radio, is that it? Yes, he heard.
So did I.
So you had a phone call from those knockers.
I gather you knocked them about.
They work for you, don't they? Don't they? Why did you try and stop me finding out? You're still trying, that's why you're here.
I have to! You're just pure scum.
Why? Take it easy, Shoestring.
Go and choke on your sandwich.
Why are you protecting them? They killed two people.
What are they to you? I'm their mother! Their mother? Yes, I am.
And you can skip the flattery.
I didn't intend any.
Look, I didn't know anything about that accident or how they patched the van up until you told me.
- What was I supposed to do? - You don't know? Listen, when their father left us, I had to graft bloody hard to bring those boys up, to give them a chance in life, to pay for their schooling.
Now that you're here, can't we sort something out? I've finished my inquiries.
Why is it so important to you? You only work for a radio station.
What gives you the right to turn people in? There's only Pascoe and you and me know about it.
Are you open to offers? You can have a lot of money, Eddie, and anything else you want.
- Don't be so stupid.
- What's stupid about it? You think there's a price for everything, don't you? I have to tell the police.
Bastard.
You're right, you are a hard little grafter.
I can just see you with a barrow in the market place.
You've never really left it, have you? Mrs Knight can afford the damages.
She owns the van so she'll have to pay.
I've got a meeting with the insurance people in an hour.
They don't think there'll be any problem.
Yeah, well, let me know how you get on.
Do you know, when I asked you to help, I never realised I'd put you in so much danger.
You didn't.
Things got a bit muddy, that's all.
If I do open another restaurant, can I have a banquet for you? Oh, no, just invite me to the opening.
And me.
I will.
Thanks again.
It was a pleasure.
She's nice.
I'm glad you sorted things out for her.
Eddie! Hello.
What the hell do you think you're playing at? Oh, you mean my new car that Norman delivered? It's this.
He also delivered the bill.
To Radio West.
I'm sorry, I forgot to mention that.
Anyway, look.
I put a Radio West sticker in.
I mean, what more could you ask?