Run the World (2021) s01e03 Episode Script
What a Co-inky-dick
1
[WHITNEY]
Previously on Run the World
Apparently, he's been floating
the entire band,
paying for studio time,
equipment, all of it.
- No! My marriage is over.
- Okay. Oh, no.
Miss Sondi Hill.
She is one of my PhD advisees
in African American Studies.
Anderson?
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
[UPBEAT JAZZY MUSIC PLAYS]
♪
- No.
- [BRIAN] You look good, girl.
You lucky I been tryin' to holla at you
since we was interns.
- [BRIAN MOANS]
- [ELLA] Come on. Come on.
- What's wrong?
- I got whiskey dick.
[OLA] Hey, Whitney.
Are you seriously standing me up again?
I'm sorry. I'm still working.
Hey.
I'm not sure I should
be getting married.
♪
[SINGER] Speed off, I'm whippin' ♪
Speed off I'm whipping' ♪
[CROWD CHEERING]
All right, let's go.
All I'm saying is,
I don't think Dominicans
should say the N-word.
It offends me.
It offends my Nigerian Americanness.
I don't have a problem with it
as long as there's true commitment.
So you can't just be
a nigga at barbecues
and DaBaby concerts
but when police show up,
all of a sudden,
"Lo siento, no-no speak inglés."
- Stop. You're stupid.
- [ANDERSON] What up, y'all?
[OLA] Hey!
[JASON] Yo. What's good, man?
It's good to see you.
- [OLA] You back from the dead?
- In the flesh.
[LAUGHTER]
Can we get this man a beer?
- [SERVER] All right, coming up.
- Thank you.
- I heard you were back.
- I bet.
Last time I saw your wife,
she was giving me the business.
Oh, the business is what
my future ex-wife does.
Oh, man.
Bro, I didn't even know.
- I'm sorry to hear that.
- It's all good.
Renee's a little aggressive
for my taste, but
damn it if the girl ain't witty.
It's for the best, man, you know.
Honestly, it's been
brewing for a long time.
A lot of hurt feelings, loss of trust.
Sometimes you just stop
Yo, are we watching
football or Dr. Phil?
Man, let this Black man
talk about his feelings, bro.
Thank you. I got a lot.
I have been listening to every feeling
this Black man has for weeks.
I get the picture.
[CROWD CHEERS]
Oh!
Okay.
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS]
[SINGER] Shorty gon' know ♪
She don't roll with me now ♪
She gon' roll with me
Down, down, down, down ♪
She gon' ride with me down ♪
[LAUGHS]
Yo, y'all see what I see?
I know. It was a beautiful thing.
I'm getting married. I saw nothing.
Oh, congrats. That's what's up.
- Yo, Black love and all that.
- [LAUGHS]
I'm just saying, though,
that ass is a masterpiece.
In the words of a very talented man
that we call The-Dream,
"Shawty was a ten."
Cheers to the booty.
- [ALL CHEER]
- A'ight.
Hey, what are y'all
getting into this weekend?
You know your girl's
birthday is tomorrow night.
I do know this. Is she having a party?
Yeah, she's doing
a little karaoke thing.
Of course she is.
Girl can't sing for shit,
but she loves karaoke.
[LAUGHTER]
- You going?
- Oh, yeah.
Oh, nah, I've been excommunicated.
[BREATHES HEAVILY] Yeah, me too.
Hey, you-you know they call me Satan?
Yeah, they do-they do call you that.
They've been doing that for a long time.
Oh, thanks for having my back, man.
Appreciate you.
Look, I think you and Ella
just need to talk, man.
She wouldn't hate you so much
if she didn't still love you.
You should come, shoot your shot.
[JASON] Fuck that.
We are handsome Black men
with advanced degrees,
no roommates, and no kids.
We are the prize
in the Black man sweepstakes.
No going back.
Jason, you know I
fucks with you, right?
[JASON] Hell, yeah.
But you you sound
a little bitter, bro.
You do. You sound bitter, brother.
Little bit.
You sound like a nigga
scorned or some shit.
- Scorned?
- [ANDERSON] Yeah, brother.
- That's passion.
- [CROWD CHEERS]
Oh!
[MELLOW MUSIC PLAYS]
♪
[SINGER] We're running,
we're running, we're running ♪
We run the world, we run the ♪
[CELL PHONE BUZZES]
Hey.
Happy birthday ♪
To you ♪
Stop.
- Thank you.
- Are you sad-walking on your birthday?
At least I choose to feel sorry
for myself in private.
[RENEE] Get your shit together,
'cause tonight
we got food, we got booze,
and we got over 10,000 songs
to choose from, girl.
[ELLA] Thirty-two is just
such a non-important number.
And it sounds awful.
"Ella McFair, comma, 32,
"peaked at 29 after a failed attempt
at becoming an author.
Spends the rest of her time
single, in transition, and drunk."
Yeah, yeah, that sounds depressing.
It's a good thing
nobody's writing about you.
Oh, gotta go.
Okay. Bye.
[PHOTOGRAPHER] Yes, there you go.
Good. Good. Good. I wanna see.
Smile. Bigger, bigger, bigger.
[RENEE] Abby,
is it possible that she
can look slightly less elated?
We're selling yogurt
that makes you shit.
It doesn't give you eternal life.
[ABBY] Oh, my God,
I was totally thinking that.
No, it's like those
depression commercials
where all the women
seem so freaking happy.
I literally watch them like,
"Maybe I should get depressed
"so that I can wear a white dress
"and Hula-Hoop with
my daughter in the park
and find it blissful
instead of exhausting."
Right? And chicks with plaque psoriasis
are living their best life,
just flaking everywhere.
[PHOTOGRAPHER] Blow your mouth.
Blow. Blow from mouth.
Ooh, yes, that's it. Ooh. Yeah.
- Hey, Marcos.
- [MARCOS] Mm, there. Ooh.
- [ROLLING R] Hey, Marcos.
- [MARCOS] Mm.
- [ROLLING R] Marcos.
- Go.
Hi, um, do you think you could
tone down the happy a little bit?
Sure, Abby.
It's your campaign.
- That was rude.
- Very.
[MARCOS] Give me dead face. Dead face.
Oh, by the way,
I'm still interested in the
VP of brand strategy role.
I mean, Tantric is overlooking
a large consumer segment
not speaking to AA,
and there's a huge uptick
of Black interest
in health and wellness.
Renee
you do not have to pitch me.
You're my day-one number one.
I'm gonna talk to Tom and Peter.
Thank you.
But are you sure that you're,
like, up for that right now
with everything you've got going on?
Who, me?
- Yeah.
- I'm-I'm great.
I'm-I'm fine.
What, I don't look great? I mean
No, I'm just saying
that my first three divorces
were way heavy.
Divorce can be like a death.
[SIGHS]
Dorinda Medley says you're
not supposed to say that.
But I'm fine, really.
You know, my grandfather always told me
there's only one direction,
and that's straight ahead.
Also, I still look good in lingerie,
and that gives me peace, okay?
The best way to get over a man
is to get on a private
jet with another one.
That's what my grandfather always said.
[LAUGHS]
I know that's right.
Is your grandfather single?
[SMOOTH MUSIC PLAYS]
[OLA] Hey, babe, we're doing
Nelly and Kelly tonight, right?
[WHITNEY] Yeah, babe.
[OLA] Babe, you have
got me spoiled now.
The hospital lotion
doesn't have shit on this.
It's like that stuff
intentionally causes ash.
I feel like I need to bring
Kiehl's to the masses.
Oh, you wouldn't feel that way
if you knew how much it cost.
Hey, I see you better
not be buying more pillows.
I'm not.
I swear I just saw a
pillow on that screen.
I'm not buying pillows.
I'm looking for a
birthday present for Ella.
Uh-huh.
Hey, babe, let's get our registry done.
Yeah, okay.
Ola, you did not seriously
register for a treadmill.
That is not something you
ask other people to pay for.
Okay, and it's totally normal
to ask people to buy us a Dutch oven?
You don't even know
what a Dutch oven is.
- Mm-mm.
- [BOTH] No.
No. [LAUGHS]
But I'd like to put
my Dutch in your oven.
- Oh.
- Come here. [LAUGHS]
Hey, how about we get some china
for Christmas dinners with
your parents, my parents,
and our four kids?
- Four?
- Mm-hmm.
What? [LAUGHS]
Oh, you don't hear that?
Listen.
That's our firstborn son.
He's saying, "Mommy,
Daddy, fertilize me."
You realize this is not a turn-on.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
Okay.
How about this?
Mm-hmm. [LAUGHS]
[OLA CHUCKLES]
- Is that better?
- Yeah.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
I love you.
I love you.
["ARTIFICIAL LOVER" PLAYING]
[ABBY JASMINE] Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪
Yeah, yeah ♪
I'm so tired of fighting ♪
The things That I can't control ♪
Could you give me Excitement ♪
Before I gotta tell you go ♪
808s for my heartbreak ♪
And Mary Jane for my soul ♪
Only thing I confide in ♪
Hey, there.
- [LAUGHS]
- Come on, man.
Don't do me like that.
You know I'm humiliated.
Don't be.
You've only been trying to
fuck me for, like, eight years.
Well, I'm probably the last person that
you wanna see on your birthday, huh?
- How did you know it was my
- Facebook.
I've got to delete that account.
- So you got big plans?
- Yeah, karaoke party tonight.
You should come.
Low-key, I fucking love karaoke.
- [ELLA] Oh.
- But I gotta
cover this red carpet
for Sneaker Pimps.
Boo, red carpet.
I know.
- [WOMAN] Brian.
- Hmm?
You're Access Hollywood, right?
We'll be ready for you in about 15.
What outlet are you with?
Hot Tea Digest.
Oh.
Right.
So it looks like your slot
isn't until 10:30,
but we're running late,
so, like, closer to 11:15.
Online outlets go last, after TV
and print.
I'm aware.
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYS]
♪
All right, men's group meets
at FCDC on Tuesday nights.
[MAN] Cool. I'll be there.
♪
Uh, hello.
Can I get a hello?
[CHUCKLES] Well, you're always talking
about being more discreet.
Okay, well, saying hello
isn't exactly straddling
your face in the cafeteria.
Okay, fine, I'll say hello next time.
Hello.
So update: I confirmed my interviews
with those East New
York high-school boys.
Eighty-five percent
of these kids' fathers
and grandfathers
have done serious time.
A bunch of them checked
life expectancy under 25.
You know, maybe I should
join you for this discussion.
No. I got this.
But are you still coming
with me to Ella's tonight?
Yes, I'm coming, although
I still don't quite understand
how all of a sudden,
you're cool with us
gallivanting in the New York streets
on a Friday night.
We're gonna be in a tiny room in
some sketchy building in Koreatown.
I hardly call that gallivanting.
[MATTHEW] Yeah, I
still think we could avoid
a lot of this stupid
sneaking-around nonsense
if we just disclose our
relationship to the university.
- You could finally move in.
- Matthew.
You know what people are gonna say.
You're a freaking Fulbright Scholar,
for God's sake.
You were well on your way
before you ever met me.
I know who I am,
and I know how I got here.
But as soon as this comes out,
people are going to think
that you're the reason.
Okay, and do you know
what's gonna happen to me?
Shit, I'll be lucky if it doesn't
affect my getting tenure.
But bottom line, I'm
willing to risk that for you.
Sondi, I love you.
You love me.
We're in a committed relationship.
There's nothing wrong with that.
Okay, I hear you.
I do. I do.
And I promise you,
I'm almost ready to blow
up my entire life for you.
But right now I'm simply asking you
to come to karaoke with me
tonight and be the Pip to my Gladys.
- Can you do that?
- Oh, yeah. Watch.
- I've been practicing.
- Oh, really?
Shoo-doop, doo ♪
Ooh, hey.
- Shoo-doop, doo ♪
- Hey, we got the steps.
You don't have to wait.
Oh, it's the least I can do
for your birthday.
- What'd you think about the movie?
- I thought it was reductive.
Single woman freezes her eggs
and accidentally falls in
love with her sperm donor
at a coffee shop, blah, blah, blah.
And the whole "successful Black woman
"who has a closet full of Louboutins
and can't get a man" thing
is so played out.
Don't know about any of that,
but I have had a crush
on Ilfenesh since Baywatch.
Of course you saw the new Baywatch.
[WOMAN] Okay, uh, Hot Tea whatever,
we're-we're ready for you, okay?
[BRIAN] Take it easy on her, slugger.
Hope you have an amazing day,
Ella McFair.
I'm trying.
Hi, I'm Ella McFair
with Hot Tea Digest.
I really enjoyed you in the film.
I guess I wanna start by asking,
do you think that we're promoting
a little bit of hysteria
with all this talk
about egg freezing and sperm stealing?
For centuries, women have been ashamed
to discuss fertility at all.
I think by bringing these
conversations into the open,
we allow women to see
that they have options.
Totally get that.
But don't you think that the film
is reinforcing the notion
that Black women who are ambitious
are incapable of finding love?
Can I ask how old you are?
Thirty-two today, actually.
Happy birthday!
But do you know there are women
our age who are perimenopausal?
I met one who only had five eggs left.
When it comes to our bodies,
we can't just close our
eyes and hope for the best.
We have to be able to step back
and take an honest look
at the state of Black women.
♪
Am I in a state?
Like, right now or generally?
I mean are Black women in a state?
Is there a state of Black women?
Well, I'm trying to be
in a state of relaxation,
and you're killing my vibe.
Are you guys thinking
about freezing your eggs?
You know I don't want kids.
And plus, that shit costs
a billion dollars.
Yeah, I plan on making babies
the old-fashioned way,
- by fucking.
- [LAUGHTER]
- What if you can't?
- I'm not worried about it.
My grandma had my mom
when she was, like, 40.
That's my timeline. I am in no rush.
You know Ola plays with strangers' kids
in grocery stores, right?
[ELLA] And remember a few weeks ago
when we spent an entire day
assuring you that having
cold feet is totally normal
and you're definitely gonna marry
Ola because he's the love of your life
and thinks the sun rises
inside your asshole?
We're still there, right?
We are.
Obviously, I was struggling
with some premarital jitters,
which have since subsided.
So I'd appreciate it
if we could all move on
like it never happened.
That said, getting married
does not mean kids
are immediately next.
Are we old? I feel old.
I'm not old.
I mean, y'all can be old
if you want to, but
[LAUGHS] I'm not signing up for that.
It's my birthday,
and we're talking
about delayed fertility.
No, you're talking
about delayed fertility.
We are trying to relax.
I'm just saying, I want my life romcom
to be about the guy who
follows you around the world,
not the cryo center
that stores his sperm.
Can you keep the sperm talk down?
'Cause we have an audience.
Girl, ain't nobody thinking about them.
- Sperm!
- [LAUGHTER]
Okay, Ella, stop birthday freaking out.
It is beneath you.
Happy birthday. I love you.
- You are not old.
- Your eggs are.
Shut up, Renee.
[GLASSES CLINK]
Happy birthday, Ella. Cheers.
[MAN] Happy birthday. [LAUGHS]
[LAUGHTER]
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS]
♪
It's a bit claustro, isn't it?
I mean, we used to do karaoke in bars
where everybody could see you.
That's why you only
invited your white friends,
'cause the blacks, they
all had hidden singing skills.
When your little friends coming?
[SIGHS] I don't know.
[BUTTONS BEEPING]
["OOO LA LA LA" PLAYING]
Oh, oh!
Now I'ma show you. Let-let me do this.
Move out the way. Move out the way.
Let's go. Watch and learn.
Yeah, that long buildup.
Come on. Here we go.
Every time you come around ♪
I feel my world
Starts turning topsy-turvy ♪
And I just can't fight The spin ♪
Baby, won't you listen ♪
Hey!
Oh, thank God!
I thought no one was gonna show up.
What?
And I don't know Where to begin ♪
Whoo! Come on.
Barb.
- Hey, what's up, girl?
- What's up, girl?
What's up, girl?
All right, all right, bye. Thank you.
- She's living her best life.
- She is.
Got me singing ♪
- Hey, happy birthday!
- Hey!
Happy birthday!
♪
Ooo, la, la, la ♪
[LAUGHING] Oh, my God.
You guys look so good.
Ooo, la, la, la, la ♪
La, la, la-la-la-la ♪
What is happening?
- Uh, we got next.
- [LAUGHS]
- Kelly Rowland is in the house.
- She's here. She's here.
This generation really does
have something wrong with it.
I love you ♪
Ow!
I need you ♪
Nelly, I love you ♪
I do need you ♪
[OLA] Uh, check it, check it, uh ♪
No matter what I do ♪
All I think about is you ♪
- Thank you for coming.
- Oh, you're welcome.
I just want the record to show
that I love you enough
to go below 110th on a Friday night
and go to my first
karaoke party since 2002.
And I just want the record to show
that in 2002, I was 14.
Oh, come on, you're killing me
with this shit.
I like your steez your style ♪
Your whole demeanor ♪
The way you come
through and holla ♪
[LAUGHS]
That's gangsta ♪
And I got special ways to thank ya ♪
Don't you forget it but, uh ♪
It ain't that easy for you ♪
To pack up and leave him but, uh ♪
You and dirty got ties
for different reasons ♪
I respect that and
right before I turn ♪
To leave, she said ♪
You don't know what you mean to me ♪
No matter what I do ♪
- That's incredible.
- Yeah.
Who's gonna follow that?
Honey, check it out
You got me mesmerized ♪
With your black hair
and your fat-ass thighs ♪
Street poetry is my everyday ♪
But yo, I gotta stop
When you trot my way ♪
If I was working at
The club, you would not pay ♪
Ey, yo, my man Phife Diggy,
He got something to say ♪
I like 'em brown, yellow
Puerto Rican, or Haitian ♪
Name is Phife Dawg
from the Zulu Nation ♪
Told you in the jam
that we could get down ♪
Now let's knock the boots
Like the group H-Town ♪
You got BBD
All on your bedroom wall ♪
But I'm above the rim ♪
- What is he doing here?
- I invited him.
What were you thinking?
I was thinking I'm newly
single and could use some sex.
And since I've already
fucked him, it's economical.
[LAUGHS] Keeping my body count down.
[LAUGHS] I never forget a face.
You, uh you Eagles, right?
Uh, yeah, yeah, man. Black love.
- Hey.
- [LAUGHS]
Small world, man.
Yeah, too small.
♪
[LAUGHTER]
Um
I fucked that guy.
You fucked what?
I fucked that community peen guy
after the Soulja Boy party.
Well, don't look at me like that.
I'm sorry.
I don't even know what look I'm making.
I lost control of my face.
Well, I don't need your judgment
'cause I already feel
like a piece of shit.
So what do you want me to do?
[SIGHS] I don't
I'm sorry. It's your birthday.
I shouldn't have told you.
Probably not tonight, no.
[SIGHS]
[INHALES SHARPLY]
[EXHALES HEAVILY]
You're a part of me ♪
And you don't even know it ♪
I'm what you need ♪
But I'm too afraid to show it ♪
If I were your woman ♪
If I were your woman ♪
So how you been?
Hi
- Chris.
- Chris. Right.
You remember me.
Uh
um, that never should
have happened, so
forget you ever met me, I beg of you.
[OLA] This one goes out
to my beautiful fiancée,
the Kelly to my Nelly.
["PROTOTYPE" PLAYING]
Whitney, baby,
I knew from the moment I met you
that if I ever got you,
I'd never let you go.
Oh, God, what a sap.
I hope that you're the one ♪
♪
If not ♪
You are the prototype ♪
♪
And we'll tiptoe to the sun ♪
Yeah ♪
And do things ♪
I know you like ♪
I think I'm in love ♪
Again ♪
Come on, let me see them hands, y'all.
♪
[ELLA] Ow!
♪
You are the prototype ♪
Do something out of the ordinary ♪
Like a matinee, baby ♪
Don't walk away, boy ♪
Go ahead, baby.
Yeah, we see you. We see you.
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
♪
Don't walk away, boy ♪
I'll be right there For you ♪
Let's do Ace of Base.
- [RENEE] No Ace of Base.
- [LAUGHTER]
Hey, thank you for inviting me to this.
I actually had a lot of fun.
No, you guys can't leave yet.
Yes, boo.
It's sleepy time.
- So much fun.
- So fun.
Anderson?
Good to see you. What's up?
[MATTHEW] What's good, bro?
- [ANDERSON] Y'all heading out?
- Yeah, yeah.
- They're still in there, though.
- A'ight, bet.
I guess I'll see you soon.
Yeah. See you soon.
Okay, I know he
couldn't have been invi
Is he supposed to be here?
No.
He's supposed to be in his
assigned seat in purgatory.
I want you to know ♪
That I'm happy for you ♪
I wish nothing but ♪
The best for you both ♪
♪
Is she perverted like me? ♪
Would she go down on you
In a theater? ♪
Go, girl.
[ELLA] Does she speak eloquently ♪
And would have your baby ♪
I'm sure she'd make
A really excellent mother ♪
Oh, hell, no.
Satan, what the hell
are you doing here?
I was in the neighborhood.
for you to be open wide ♪
[OLA] Hey.
You made it. What's good?
Did you do this?
- Jesus, Ola.
- What?
[ELLA] until you died
Till you died ♪
And you're still alive ♪
And I'm here to remind you ♪
Of the mess you left
When you went away ♪
It's not fair to deny me ♪
Of the cross I bear
That you gave to me ♪
You, you, you oughta know ♪
You seem very well ♪
Things look peaceful ♪
I'm not quite as well ♪
I thought you should know ♪
Did you forget about me ♪
Mr. Duplicity? ♪
♪
I'm starving.
[DOOR CLATTERS OPEN]
[MAN] Hey, hey, you two.
[LAUGHS]
Hey, it's been a minute
since y'all have been here.
Now, Ella,
I hear it's your birthday.
It's over now,
but I am officially well into my 30s.
[MAN CHUCKLES]
[ELLA SIGHS]
- [MAN] There you go.
- [ELLA SIGHS]
Well, you're lucky, uh,
your boy hit me up, 'cause
that was our last plate.
Mmm!
Mmm. Oh, my God.
I love you so much right now.
Him, not you.
Mmm.
I'd like to see if I can get you
to hate me a little less.
You should have thought
about that before you left me.
Ella,
South Africa was a
great opportunity for me.
You told me seven days before you left,
a whole seven fucking days.
I know.
And that wasn't cool.
But you were so depressed
after your publishers dropped you,
I didn't wanna make it worse.
You think what you did was better?
"Hey, I'm out tomorrow.
I'm leaving you forever."
It was a summer job. I was coming back.
So why did you stay for two years?
Because they asked me to
and I loved the work that I was doing.
And you stopped answering my calls.
What was I rushing home for?
For me.
You could have come home for me.
Ella,
what do you think I'm doing here?
[MAN] All right, all right.
Here you go, birthday girl.
[SOFT R&B MUSIC PLAYS]
Happy birthday.
Make a wish, baby.
[SINGER VOCALIZING]
♪
[MELLOW JAZZY MUSIC PLAYS]
♪
[WOMAN] Whoo-hoo! [GIGGLES]
[WHITNEY]
Previously on Run the World
Apparently, he's been floating
the entire band,
paying for studio time,
equipment, all of it.
- No! My marriage is over.
- Okay. Oh, no.
Miss Sondi Hill.
She is one of my PhD advisees
in African American Studies.
Anderson?
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
[UPBEAT JAZZY MUSIC PLAYS]
♪
- No.
- [BRIAN] You look good, girl.
You lucky I been tryin' to holla at you
since we was interns.
- [BRIAN MOANS]
- [ELLA] Come on. Come on.
- What's wrong?
- I got whiskey dick.
[OLA] Hey, Whitney.
Are you seriously standing me up again?
I'm sorry. I'm still working.
Hey.
I'm not sure I should
be getting married.
♪
[SINGER] Speed off, I'm whippin' ♪
Speed off I'm whipping' ♪
[CROWD CHEERING]
All right, let's go.
All I'm saying is,
I don't think Dominicans
should say the N-word.
It offends me.
It offends my Nigerian Americanness.
I don't have a problem with it
as long as there's true commitment.
So you can't just be
a nigga at barbecues
and DaBaby concerts
but when police show up,
all of a sudden,
"Lo siento, no-no speak inglés."
- Stop. You're stupid.
- [ANDERSON] What up, y'all?
[OLA] Hey!
[JASON] Yo. What's good, man?
It's good to see you.
- [OLA] You back from the dead?
- In the flesh.
[LAUGHTER]
Can we get this man a beer?
- [SERVER] All right, coming up.
- Thank you.
- I heard you were back.
- I bet.
Last time I saw your wife,
she was giving me the business.
Oh, the business is what
my future ex-wife does.
Oh, man.
Bro, I didn't even know.
- I'm sorry to hear that.
- It's all good.
Renee's a little aggressive
for my taste, but
damn it if the girl ain't witty.
It's for the best, man, you know.
Honestly, it's been
brewing for a long time.
A lot of hurt feelings, loss of trust.
Sometimes you just stop
Yo, are we watching
football or Dr. Phil?
Man, let this Black man
talk about his feelings, bro.
Thank you. I got a lot.
I have been listening to every feeling
this Black man has for weeks.
I get the picture.
[CROWD CHEERS]
Oh!
Okay.
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS]
[SINGER] Shorty gon' know ♪
She don't roll with me now ♪
She gon' roll with me
Down, down, down, down ♪
She gon' ride with me down ♪
[LAUGHS]
Yo, y'all see what I see?
I know. It was a beautiful thing.
I'm getting married. I saw nothing.
Oh, congrats. That's what's up.
- Yo, Black love and all that.
- [LAUGHS]
I'm just saying, though,
that ass is a masterpiece.
In the words of a very talented man
that we call The-Dream,
"Shawty was a ten."
Cheers to the booty.
- [ALL CHEER]
- A'ight.
Hey, what are y'all
getting into this weekend?
You know your girl's
birthday is tomorrow night.
I do know this. Is she having a party?
Yeah, she's doing
a little karaoke thing.
Of course she is.
Girl can't sing for shit,
but she loves karaoke.
[LAUGHTER]
- You going?
- Oh, yeah.
Oh, nah, I've been excommunicated.
[BREATHES HEAVILY] Yeah, me too.
Hey, you-you know they call me Satan?
Yeah, they do-they do call you that.
They've been doing that for a long time.
Oh, thanks for having my back, man.
Appreciate you.
Look, I think you and Ella
just need to talk, man.
She wouldn't hate you so much
if she didn't still love you.
You should come, shoot your shot.
[JASON] Fuck that.
We are handsome Black men
with advanced degrees,
no roommates, and no kids.
We are the prize
in the Black man sweepstakes.
No going back.
Jason, you know I
fucks with you, right?
[JASON] Hell, yeah.
But you you sound
a little bitter, bro.
You do. You sound bitter, brother.
Little bit.
You sound like a nigga
scorned or some shit.
- Scorned?
- [ANDERSON] Yeah, brother.
- That's passion.
- [CROWD CHEERS]
Oh!
[MELLOW MUSIC PLAYS]
♪
[SINGER] We're running,
we're running, we're running ♪
We run the world, we run the ♪
[CELL PHONE BUZZES]
Hey.
Happy birthday ♪
To you ♪
Stop.
- Thank you.
- Are you sad-walking on your birthday?
At least I choose to feel sorry
for myself in private.
[RENEE] Get your shit together,
'cause tonight
we got food, we got booze,
and we got over 10,000 songs
to choose from, girl.
[ELLA] Thirty-two is just
such a non-important number.
And it sounds awful.
"Ella McFair, comma, 32,
"peaked at 29 after a failed attempt
at becoming an author.
Spends the rest of her time
single, in transition, and drunk."
Yeah, yeah, that sounds depressing.
It's a good thing
nobody's writing about you.
Oh, gotta go.
Okay. Bye.
[PHOTOGRAPHER] Yes, there you go.
Good. Good. Good. I wanna see.
Smile. Bigger, bigger, bigger.
[RENEE] Abby,
is it possible that she
can look slightly less elated?
We're selling yogurt
that makes you shit.
It doesn't give you eternal life.
[ABBY] Oh, my God,
I was totally thinking that.
No, it's like those
depression commercials
where all the women
seem so freaking happy.
I literally watch them like,
"Maybe I should get depressed
"so that I can wear a white dress
"and Hula-Hoop with
my daughter in the park
and find it blissful
instead of exhausting."
Right? And chicks with plaque psoriasis
are living their best life,
just flaking everywhere.
[PHOTOGRAPHER] Blow your mouth.
Blow. Blow from mouth.
Ooh, yes, that's it. Ooh. Yeah.
- Hey, Marcos.
- [MARCOS] Mm, there. Ooh.
- [ROLLING R] Hey, Marcos.
- [MARCOS] Mm.
- [ROLLING R] Marcos.
- Go.
Hi, um, do you think you could
tone down the happy a little bit?
Sure, Abby.
It's your campaign.
- That was rude.
- Very.
[MARCOS] Give me dead face. Dead face.
Oh, by the way,
I'm still interested in the
VP of brand strategy role.
I mean, Tantric is overlooking
a large consumer segment
not speaking to AA,
and there's a huge uptick
of Black interest
in health and wellness.
Renee
you do not have to pitch me.
You're my day-one number one.
I'm gonna talk to Tom and Peter.
Thank you.
But are you sure that you're,
like, up for that right now
with everything you've got going on?
Who, me?
- Yeah.
- I'm-I'm great.
I'm-I'm fine.
What, I don't look great? I mean
No, I'm just saying
that my first three divorces
were way heavy.
Divorce can be like a death.
[SIGHS]
Dorinda Medley says you're
not supposed to say that.
But I'm fine, really.
You know, my grandfather always told me
there's only one direction,
and that's straight ahead.
Also, I still look good in lingerie,
and that gives me peace, okay?
The best way to get over a man
is to get on a private
jet with another one.
That's what my grandfather always said.
[LAUGHS]
I know that's right.
Is your grandfather single?
[SMOOTH MUSIC PLAYS]
[OLA] Hey, babe, we're doing
Nelly and Kelly tonight, right?
[WHITNEY] Yeah, babe.
[OLA] Babe, you have
got me spoiled now.
The hospital lotion
doesn't have shit on this.
It's like that stuff
intentionally causes ash.
I feel like I need to bring
Kiehl's to the masses.
Oh, you wouldn't feel that way
if you knew how much it cost.
Hey, I see you better
not be buying more pillows.
I'm not.
I swear I just saw a
pillow on that screen.
I'm not buying pillows.
I'm looking for a
birthday present for Ella.
Uh-huh.
Hey, babe, let's get our registry done.
Yeah, okay.
Ola, you did not seriously
register for a treadmill.
That is not something you
ask other people to pay for.
Okay, and it's totally normal
to ask people to buy us a Dutch oven?
You don't even know
what a Dutch oven is.
- Mm-mm.
- [BOTH] No.
No. [LAUGHS]
But I'd like to put
my Dutch in your oven.
- Oh.
- Come here. [LAUGHS]
Hey, how about we get some china
for Christmas dinners with
your parents, my parents,
and our four kids?
- Four?
- Mm-hmm.
What? [LAUGHS]
Oh, you don't hear that?
Listen.
That's our firstborn son.
He's saying, "Mommy,
Daddy, fertilize me."
You realize this is not a turn-on.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
Okay.
How about this?
Mm-hmm. [LAUGHS]
[OLA CHUCKLES]
- Is that better?
- Yeah.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
I love you.
I love you.
["ARTIFICIAL LOVER" PLAYING]
[ABBY JASMINE] Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪
Yeah, yeah ♪
I'm so tired of fighting ♪
The things That I can't control ♪
Could you give me Excitement ♪
Before I gotta tell you go ♪
808s for my heartbreak ♪
And Mary Jane for my soul ♪
Only thing I confide in ♪
Hey, there.
- [LAUGHS]
- Come on, man.
Don't do me like that.
You know I'm humiliated.
Don't be.
You've only been trying to
fuck me for, like, eight years.
Well, I'm probably the last person that
you wanna see on your birthday, huh?
- How did you know it was my
- Facebook.
I've got to delete that account.
- So you got big plans?
- Yeah, karaoke party tonight.
You should come.
Low-key, I fucking love karaoke.
- [ELLA] Oh.
- But I gotta
cover this red carpet
for Sneaker Pimps.
Boo, red carpet.
I know.
- [WOMAN] Brian.
- Hmm?
You're Access Hollywood, right?
We'll be ready for you in about 15.
What outlet are you with?
Hot Tea Digest.
Oh.
Right.
So it looks like your slot
isn't until 10:30,
but we're running late,
so, like, closer to 11:15.
Online outlets go last, after TV
and print.
I'm aware.
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYS]
♪
All right, men's group meets
at FCDC on Tuesday nights.
[MAN] Cool. I'll be there.
♪
Uh, hello.
Can I get a hello?
[CHUCKLES] Well, you're always talking
about being more discreet.
Okay, well, saying hello
isn't exactly straddling
your face in the cafeteria.
Okay, fine, I'll say hello next time.
Hello.
So update: I confirmed my interviews
with those East New
York high-school boys.
Eighty-five percent
of these kids' fathers
and grandfathers
have done serious time.
A bunch of them checked
life expectancy under 25.
You know, maybe I should
join you for this discussion.
No. I got this.
But are you still coming
with me to Ella's tonight?
Yes, I'm coming, although
I still don't quite understand
how all of a sudden,
you're cool with us
gallivanting in the New York streets
on a Friday night.
We're gonna be in a tiny room in
some sketchy building in Koreatown.
I hardly call that gallivanting.
[MATTHEW] Yeah, I
still think we could avoid
a lot of this stupid
sneaking-around nonsense
if we just disclose our
relationship to the university.
- You could finally move in.
- Matthew.
You know what people are gonna say.
You're a freaking Fulbright Scholar,
for God's sake.
You were well on your way
before you ever met me.
I know who I am,
and I know how I got here.
But as soon as this comes out,
people are going to think
that you're the reason.
Okay, and do you know
what's gonna happen to me?
Shit, I'll be lucky if it doesn't
affect my getting tenure.
But bottom line, I'm
willing to risk that for you.
Sondi, I love you.
You love me.
We're in a committed relationship.
There's nothing wrong with that.
Okay, I hear you.
I do. I do.
And I promise you,
I'm almost ready to blow
up my entire life for you.
But right now I'm simply asking you
to come to karaoke with me
tonight and be the Pip to my Gladys.
- Can you do that?
- Oh, yeah. Watch.
- I've been practicing.
- Oh, really?
Shoo-doop, doo ♪
Ooh, hey.
- Shoo-doop, doo ♪
- Hey, we got the steps.
You don't have to wait.
Oh, it's the least I can do
for your birthday.
- What'd you think about the movie?
- I thought it was reductive.
Single woman freezes her eggs
and accidentally falls in
love with her sperm donor
at a coffee shop, blah, blah, blah.
And the whole "successful Black woman
"who has a closet full of Louboutins
and can't get a man" thing
is so played out.
Don't know about any of that,
but I have had a crush
on Ilfenesh since Baywatch.
Of course you saw the new Baywatch.
[WOMAN] Okay, uh, Hot Tea whatever,
we're-we're ready for you, okay?
[BRIAN] Take it easy on her, slugger.
Hope you have an amazing day,
Ella McFair.
I'm trying.
Hi, I'm Ella McFair
with Hot Tea Digest.
I really enjoyed you in the film.
I guess I wanna start by asking,
do you think that we're promoting
a little bit of hysteria
with all this talk
about egg freezing and sperm stealing?
For centuries, women have been ashamed
to discuss fertility at all.
I think by bringing these
conversations into the open,
we allow women to see
that they have options.
Totally get that.
But don't you think that the film
is reinforcing the notion
that Black women who are ambitious
are incapable of finding love?
Can I ask how old you are?
Thirty-two today, actually.
Happy birthday!
But do you know there are women
our age who are perimenopausal?
I met one who only had five eggs left.
When it comes to our bodies,
we can't just close our
eyes and hope for the best.
We have to be able to step back
and take an honest look
at the state of Black women.
♪
Am I in a state?
Like, right now or generally?
I mean are Black women in a state?
Is there a state of Black women?
Well, I'm trying to be
in a state of relaxation,
and you're killing my vibe.
Are you guys thinking
about freezing your eggs?
You know I don't want kids.
And plus, that shit costs
a billion dollars.
Yeah, I plan on making babies
the old-fashioned way,
- by fucking.
- [LAUGHTER]
- What if you can't?
- I'm not worried about it.
My grandma had my mom
when she was, like, 40.
That's my timeline. I am in no rush.
You know Ola plays with strangers' kids
in grocery stores, right?
[ELLA] And remember a few weeks ago
when we spent an entire day
assuring you that having
cold feet is totally normal
and you're definitely gonna marry
Ola because he's the love of your life
and thinks the sun rises
inside your asshole?
We're still there, right?
We are.
Obviously, I was struggling
with some premarital jitters,
which have since subsided.
So I'd appreciate it
if we could all move on
like it never happened.
That said, getting married
does not mean kids
are immediately next.
Are we old? I feel old.
I'm not old.
I mean, y'all can be old
if you want to, but
[LAUGHS] I'm not signing up for that.
It's my birthday,
and we're talking
about delayed fertility.
No, you're talking
about delayed fertility.
We are trying to relax.
I'm just saying, I want my life romcom
to be about the guy who
follows you around the world,
not the cryo center
that stores his sperm.
Can you keep the sperm talk down?
'Cause we have an audience.
Girl, ain't nobody thinking about them.
- Sperm!
- [LAUGHTER]
Okay, Ella, stop birthday freaking out.
It is beneath you.
Happy birthday. I love you.
- You are not old.
- Your eggs are.
Shut up, Renee.
[GLASSES CLINK]
Happy birthday, Ella. Cheers.
[MAN] Happy birthday. [LAUGHS]
[LAUGHTER]
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS]
♪
It's a bit claustro, isn't it?
I mean, we used to do karaoke in bars
where everybody could see you.
That's why you only
invited your white friends,
'cause the blacks, they
all had hidden singing skills.
When your little friends coming?
[SIGHS] I don't know.
[BUTTONS BEEPING]
["OOO LA LA LA" PLAYING]
Oh, oh!
Now I'ma show you. Let-let me do this.
Move out the way. Move out the way.
Let's go. Watch and learn.
Yeah, that long buildup.
Come on. Here we go.
Every time you come around ♪
I feel my world
Starts turning topsy-turvy ♪
And I just can't fight The spin ♪
Baby, won't you listen ♪
Hey!
Oh, thank God!
I thought no one was gonna show up.
What?
And I don't know Where to begin ♪
Whoo! Come on.
Barb.
- Hey, what's up, girl?
- What's up, girl?
What's up, girl?
All right, all right, bye. Thank you.
- She's living her best life.
- She is.
Got me singing ♪
- Hey, happy birthday!
- Hey!
Happy birthday!
♪
Ooo, la, la, la ♪
[LAUGHING] Oh, my God.
You guys look so good.
Ooo, la, la, la, la ♪
La, la, la-la-la-la ♪
What is happening?
- Uh, we got next.
- [LAUGHS]
- Kelly Rowland is in the house.
- She's here. She's here.
This generation really does
have something wrong with it.
I love you ♪
Ow!
I need you ♪
Nelly, I love you ♪
I do need you ♪
[OLA] Uh, check it, check it, uh ♪
No matter what I do ♪
All I think about is you ♪
- Thank you for coming.
- Oh, you're welcome.
I just want the record to show
that I love you enough
to go below 110th on a Friday night
and go to my first
karaoke party since 2002.
And I just want the record to show
that in 2002, I was 14.
Oh, come on, you're killing me
with this shit.
I like your steez your style ♪
Your whole demeanor ♪
The way you come
through and holla ♪
[LAUGHS]
That's gangsta ♪
And I got special ways to thank ya ♪
Don't you forget it but, uh ♪
It ain't that easy for you ♪
To pack up and leave him but, uh ♪
You and dirty got ties
for different reasons ♪
I respect that and
right before I turn ♪
To leave, she said ♪
You don't know what you mean to me ♪
No matter what I do ♪
- That's incredible.
- Yeah.
Who's gonna follow that?
Honey, check it out
You got me mesmerized ♪
With your black hair
and your fat-ass thighs ♪
Street poetry is my everyday ♪
But yo, I gotta stop
When you trot my way ♪
If I was working at
The club, you would not pay ♪
Ey, yo, my man Phife Diggy,
He got something to say ♪
I like 'em brown, yellow
Puerto Rican, or Haitian ♪
Name is Phife Dawg
from the Zulu Nation ♪
Told you in the jam
that we could get down ♪
Now let's knock the boots
Like the group H-Town ♪
You got BBD
All on your bedroom wall ♪
But I'm above the rim ♪
- What is he doing here?
- I invited him.
What were you thinking?
I was thinking I'm newly
single and could use some sex.
And since I've already
fucked him, it's economical.
[LAUGHS] Keeping my body count down.
[LAUGHS] I never forget a face.
You, uh you Eagles, right?
Uh, yeah, yeah, man. Black love.
- Hey.
- [LAUGHS]
Small world, man.
Yeah, too small.
♪
[LAUGHTER]
Um
I fucked that guy.
You fucked what?
I fucked that community peen guy
after the Soulja Boy party.
Well, don't look at me like that.
I'm sorry.
I don't even know what look I'm making.
I lost control of my face.
Well, I don't need your judgment
'cause I already feel
like a piece of shit.
So what do you want me to do?
[SIGHS] I don't
I'm sorry. It's your birthday.
I shouldn't have told you.
Probably not tonight, no.
[SIGHS]
[INHALES SHARPLY]
[EXHALES HEAVILY]
You're a part of me ♪
And you don't even know it ♪
I'm what you need ♪
But I'm too afraid to show it ♪
If I were your woman ♪
If I were your woman ♪
So how you been?
Hi
- Chris.
- Chris. Right.
You remember me.
Uh
um, that never should
have happened, so
forget you ever met me, I beg of you.
[OLA] This one goes out
to my beautiful fiancée,
the Kelly to my Nelly.
["PROTOTYPE" PLAYING]
Whitney, baby,
I knew from the moment I met you
that if I ever got you,
I'd never let you go.
Oh, God, what a sap.
I hope that you're the one ♪
♪
If not ♪
You are the prototype ♪
♪
And we'll tiptoe to the sun ♪
Yeah ♪
And do things ♪
I know you like ♪
I think I'm in love ♪
Again ♪
Come on, let me see them hands, y'all.
♪
[ELLA] Ow!
♪
You are the prototype ♪
Do something out of the ordinary ♪
Like a matinee, baby ♪
Don't walk away, boy ♪
Go ahead, baby.
Yeah, we see you. We see you.
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
♪
Don't walk away, boy ♪
I'll be right there For you ♪
Let's do Ace of Base.
- [RENEE] No Ace of Base.
- [LAUGHTER]
Hey, thank you for inviting me to this.
I actually had a lot of fun.
No, you guys can't leave yet.
Yes, boo.
It's sleepy time.
- So much fun.
- So fun.
Anderson?
Good to see you. What's up?
[MATTHEW] What's good, bro?
- [ANDERSON] Y'all heading out?
- Yeah, yeah.
- They're still in there, though.
- A'ight, bet.
I guess I'll see you soon.
Yeah. See you soon.
Okay, I know he
couldn't have been invi
Is he supposed to be here?
No.
He's supposed to be in his
assigned seat in purgatory.
I want you to know ♪
That I'm happy for you ♪
I wish nothing but ♪
The best for you both ♪
♪
Is she perverted like me? ♪
Would she go down on you
In a theater? ♪
Go, girl.
[ELLA] Does she speak eloquently ♪
And would have your baby ♪
I'm sure she'd make
A really excellent mother ♪
Oh, hell, no.
Satan, what the hell
are you doing here?
I was in the neighborhood.
for you to be open wide ♪
[OLA] Hey.
You made it. What's good?
Did you do this?
- Jesus, Ola.
- What?
[ELLA] until you died
Till you died ♪
And you're still alive ♪
And I'm here to remind you ♪
Of the mess you left
When you went away ♪
It's not fair to deny me ♪
Of the cross I bear
That you gave to me ♪
You, you, you oughta know ♪
You seem very well ♪
Things look peaceful ♪
I'm not quite as well ♪
I thought you should know ♪
Did you forget about me ♪
Mr. Duplicity? ♪
♪
I'm starving.
[DOOR CLATTERS OPEN]
[MAN] Hey, hey, you two.
[LAUGHS]
Hey, it's been a minute
since y'all have been here.
Now, Ella,
I hear it's your birthday.
It's over now,
but I am officially well into my 30s.
[MAN CHUCKLES]
[ELLA SIGHS]
- [MAN] There you go.
- [ELLA SIGHS]
Well, you're lucky, uh,
your boy hit me up, 'cause
that was our last plate.
Mmm!
Mmm. Oh, my God.
I love you so much right now.
Him, not you.
Mmm.
I'd like to see if I can get you
to hate me a little less.
You should have thought
about that before you left me.
Ella,
South Africa was a
great opportunity for me.
You told me seven days before you left,
a whole seven fucking days.
I know.
And that wasn't cool.
But you were so depressed
after your publishers dropped you,
I didn't wanna make it worse.
You think what you did was better?
"Hey, I'm out tomorrow.
I'm leaving you forever."
It was a summer job. I was coming back.
So why did you stay for two years?
Because they asked me to
and I loved the work that I was doing.
And you stopped answering my calls.
What was I rushing home for?
For me.
You could have come home for me.
Ella,
what do you think I'm doing here?
[MAN] All right, all right.
Here you go, birthday girl.
[SOFT R&B MUSIC PLAYS]
Happy birthday.
Make a wish, baby.
[SINGER VOCALIZING]
♪
[MELLOW JAZZY MUSIC PLAYS]
♪
[WOMAN] Whoo-hoo! [GIGGLES]