Black Sheep Squadron (1976) s01e08 Episode Script

The Meatball Circus

Who cooked up this hair-brained mission? These guys are Navy mechanics.
What do you expect from 'em? If there's an unconventional solution to our problem, you'll find it.
Yes, sir, and I'll also fly it.
I have a very unorthodox bunch of cutthroats on a very unorthodox mission You mess with us, and your bilges are gonna pump pink for three months.
None of the pilots are coming back from this thing.
I know it.
You know it.
How long do we have, sir? Tomorrow, 08.
00.
Next on Baa Baa Black Sheep.
We are poor, little lambs Who have lost our way Baa, baa, baa Baa Baa Black Sheep S01E08 - The Meatball Circus S01E08 - The Meatball Circus As the war in Europe wallows in the mire of heavy rains and bad weather, the war in the Pacific takes an unexpected turn for the better.
General Morris Tanner and the Fifth Marines gain a foothold on Christmas Island and begin a drive aimed at pushing the numerically superior troops of Japan across the treacherous mountain ranges toward defeat.
Tanner, a general up from the ranks, is loved by his troops.
He carefully plans his assault.
Time and tactics will tell.
Have you men been told about security? No, Colonel, we've been told absolutely nothing.
My unit doesn't even know where I am.
Major Smithson? That's right, sir.
I think I should be allowed to notify my exec.
It's all right, Major.
None of the other officers with you has been in communication with his unit, either.
Major Westover was diverted in flight.
Major Sankowski was picked up on the dock in Sydney.
And Major Boyington, here, was, uh Major Boyington was in the brig.
Hi, Colonel.
by Colonel Sanderson before you left.
It didn't happen, sir.
All right, I'll give you the pitch myself.
You've probably already guessed that this is top secret.
Well, it's so top secret, that if word of what we discuss here tonight leaks out, any or all of you will be subject to a general court-martial, and a man who blabs, will get the pole.
You got it? Yes, sir.
All right.
Step out of the truck and follow me.
You all know Admiral Grayson? Gentlemen.
Okay.
I won't dance around this.
I'm just gonna slug you with it.
Gen.
Morris Tanner and the Fifth Marines are on Christmas lsland.
They're in trouble.
Looks like they're about to get pushed into the ocean.
The punch line is.
We are about to lose 10,000 Marines and a Brigadier General.
The problem is, gentlemen, we haven't got any carriers within 1,600 miles.
By the time I get any air carrier over here, Gen.
Tanner and his men will be holding position knee-deep in water.
So here's where you men come in.
Japanese Navy is over here in the far side of the island with a fleet carrier of the Kabitzu class.
Uh, there's enough strike force in that carrier to wipe out our entire evacuation.
You want us to take flattop and then cover the evacuation, sir? That's right, Greg.
Only you won't have enough fuel to cover the evacuation.
Sir, we won't have enough fuel to get home.
You hit the Kabitzu, turn out, fly towards the Third Fleet, ditch in the ocean, and the Navy will pick you up.
We we ditch in the ocean, sir? In order to get to Christmas lsland, you have to fly over half the Japanese emplacements in the South Pacific.
To avoid detection, we've set up a very circuitous route for you to fly.
Unfortunately, it won't leave you with enough fuel to get back.
Now, we want each of you to pick five pilots from your squadrons, making a flight of 20.
Now, you four men will not fly this mission.
We don't want to take the chance of losing squadron commanders.
But from the records of the men we select, we'll pick the mission leader.
This is not a volunteer mission.
You men make the selections.
Any questions? Uh, sir, I think volunteers are in order in this.
I mean, you can't ask a man to fly a mission when you've got one chance in four of coming back, unless it's his choice.
For security reasons, that's impossible.
All the pilots you select should be the ones you feel are best qualified to take out the Kabitzu.
Men who have the best torpedo ratings, pilots who, when they get over this flattop, are not gonna drop their payload in the ocean.
Now, you fly it in three days, weather permitting.
I'll expect your selections in the morning.
You men will be stationed here until the mission is flown.
Then you'll be debriefed and returned to your units.
I'm not about to pull the pin on five of my boys and sit around and play cards for three days, sir.
You will make those selections, or I will make them for you.
Yes, sir.
I'm sorry, Greg.
I know how you must feel.
Sir? Yeah.
Are you as sick about this thing as I am? More.
I guess we just have to chalk it up to the expediencies of war.
You know what the code name is? No, sir.
Operation Homecoming.
Homecoming, my sweet aunt.
None of the pilots are coming back from this thing.
I know it.
You know it.
Who the hell are we kidding? I don't like the way this mission is laid out.
But I got an idea.
Now, if you buy it, General, I'll fly with 214, and we can send the rest of those cowboys back to their outfits.
We don't want to wipe out an entire outfit.
That's why we spread it out.
Sir, we won't.
If the Black Sheep fly it, and if it's laid out properly, we'll have minimal casualties.
There is no other solution.
Sir, are we going to zig-zag all over the South Pacific to avoid their gun emplacements? Let's fly right over their gun emplacements.
Now we can get fuel off the carrier in the Carolines, take off, hit the Kabitzu, and land on Pelatau.
How do you fly over 50 or 60 Japanese gun emplacements and survive? In Japanese planes.
I saw a couple of dozen broken-down kates, Vals, and one or two Zeros on the Navy base at Seona when I was there last month.
Now, sir, we rebuild those crates, my boys fly, and they fly the mission in Japanese planes.
Japanese aircraft, huh? That's your idea? Don't laugh, General.
The way Navy has thing laid out, you're to lose two thirds of your pilots, and ditch the rest of the birds in the ocean.
Now excuse me, sir, but my opinion: that idea stinks.
This is good French wine.
Eisenhower sent me a case of it.
It comes from the Loire Valley.
I hope we hurry up and get France back.
You can't get this kind of wine anywhere else in the world.
Did you hear me, sir? Yeah, I heard you.
Well, General? No chance.
Get dressed.
There's a truck waiting downstairs.
You're shipping out.
Yeah? Why am I doing that, General? Zeros.
You wanna fly this mission with a bunch of patched-up meatballs? They approved it? Nobody approved it.
This thing is so flakey, only a boozed-up old blister like me would go for it.
Look, Gen - Now shut up and listen.
I called Seona.
They got four kates that'd fly.
They got three more they can make ready, there's a Val and a couple of Zekes that are probables.
You know, I spent the last four hours pouring Eisenhower's wine into that Navy fathead downstairs.
And right now, he's so polluted, he'd try and take Tokyo with a rowboat full of Girl Scouts.
What about the Black Sheep? I sent a B-25 to La Cava with orders to pull them out of whatever nurses' quarters they're in.
You'll be in Seona in four hours.
On the ground, you'll be under the command of some Navy carrier jock named Pritchett.
Sir, does the Navy have to be in on this? Stop flapping your mouth, Boyington.
I approved this thing and I'm telling you how it's gonna work.
I guess you got your neck stuck out, sir.
Well, I'm glad you realize that, Greg.
Thanks, General.
Don't thank me.
Just take this meatball circus and make it work.
I will, sir.
You can bet on it.
I did.
I'd sort of forgotten how seriously the Navy takes all this spit-and-polish nonsense.
I'd never seen so many pressed and braided white uniforms.
The whole place looked like a convention of headwaiters.
Major Boyington? Are you Pritchett? Commander Pritchett.
This is Commander Hightower.
Good to see you.
How do you do? I'll be in command of your unit while you're on the base.
I expect you're looking forward to a shower, a shave, and a haircut, Major.
We have Marine uniforms at the PX, in case you want to spiff up a little.
This is a Marine uniform.
What's this all about? You mean you don't have S-2 clearance on this mission? Well, we'll have, eventually.
You know, channels.
Well, when you get it, we'll discuss it.
All right, Commander? Uh, Commander Hightower will get you settled in.
Fine.
I'll take you to the landing strip, Major, it's back two miles inland.
Thank you.
It occurred to me that the Black Sheep weren't going to fit in too well around here.
As a matter of fact, I didn't think I was going to fit in too well, either.
I just hoped that we could survive in this starched white wonderland Iong enough to learn to fly those Zeros.
I hoped that the Black Sheep would show up with some semblance of military dress.
Just to keep up appearances.
So much for appearances.
When I'd come up with this plan to fly Japanese Zeros on a mission to hit a Japanese aircraft carrier, it had seemed like a natural solution to a tricky military problem.
What I hadn't counted on was ending up on a spit-and-polish Navy base.
There was no doubt about it, we were on a collision course with the Navy.
And as it turned out, that problem was waiting right around the corner.
These, uh, men are your pilots? They sure are.
What's going on, Grandfather? How come we didn't get any briefing, Pappy.
Yeah, we got pulled out of the rack.
Nobody told us anything.
I've seen P.
O.
W.
s look better.
So have l.
Right this way.
There's a schedule of events on your bunks, beginning with mess in 45 minutes and ending with take-off in three days at 06:00.
Study it.
There are showers in the next building and a PX right across the compound.
Commander Pritchett and l will expect you at mess in 45 minutes.
That's the Navy.
That's what they're like.
We're here to fly a mission.
What mission? Top security.
I just found out that the base commander doesn't even know why we're here.
They're just supposed to brush us up on take-offs and landings from a carrier.
Carrier? Why are we doing it here, Greg? Because this is where the planes are, Jim.
This is where what planes are, Greg? Those planes.
These planes are kates, Pappy.
That's right, T.
J.
Did you men just hear T.
J.
identify this aircraft as a kate? That's swell, T.
J.
He's pretty good at spotting 'em, he just can't hit 'em.
Wait a minute.
We're gonna fly Japanese airplanes? That's right.
Why are we gonna do that, Pappy? Why? Because we are going to fool the enemy.
We're gonna fly these birds over their gun emplacements.
And then we're to hit a carrier called the Kabitzu and then fly home.
Hey, guys, this is a winner.
I thought it up, myself.
That's just great, Greg.
Hey, look Hey, if Pappy came up with the plan, then it's gotta be a good one.
So come on, let's get behind it, whatever it is.
What do you mean? I can hardly fly my own plane.
We'll never get these things running.
We're supposed to fix these Zekes in two days.
No wonder we're in shock.
Looks like it'll work real good, Greg.
These guys are Navy mechanics.
What do you expect from 'em? Which one of you is Major Boyington? This gentleman right here.
Well, you were supposed to be in the officers' mess 15 minutes ago.
Commander Pritchett's been waiting for you.
He is getting a little bit angry.
Are his potatoes getting cold? He said that I should find you and get you over there.
On the double.
We're on our way.
Yeah, T.
J.
, you're finally in the big time here.
Get a load of this-here mess hall.
Yes, sir.
Hi, I'm Greg Boyington.
Go on, Meatball.
Go back to the barracks.
They're having mashed potatoes.
Don't come apart over it, Larry.
You want mashed potatoes? I'll have Bragg sit on one for you.
Very funny.
You men will be clean-shaven and in correct uniform by 14:00.
Could I speak to you outside for a moment, Major? Certainly.
We have any pigs on this base, Mike? No, but I remember that smell from somewhere.
Yeah, from where? Oh, yeah.
It was from boot camp.
I think that's the smell a Marine.
Mr.
Wiley, I wonder if you feel it'd be appropriate for us to, uh, tear up this mess hall and bury these ladies under their, uh, cardboard beef? Yes, I do, Capt.
Gutterman.
The first man who leaves his place will be arrested and court-martialed.
I'm gonna get court-martialed, here.
You take your squadron over to that PX and be clean-shaven and in Marine Corps issue and I'm not gonna say it again.
Do I make myself clear, Major? Now, relax, Pritchett.
We're gonna be here for three days.
Now, you keep your mouth shut, you and your base will remain in one piece.
I will not have my command undermined by you or anybody else.
Now, let me put it to you another way.
My orders read that my men are to maintain their present appearances and fly the mission the way I tell them to fly it.
Now, since you don't have your S-2 clearance yet, then you're just gonna have to trust me.
According to naval regulations, only personnel in correct military attire will be served in this mess.
Pick up their chow.
We'll see you on the flight line in 20 minutes.
Jarheads.
When we get out to the field, we're gonna simulate a carrier deck.
So if I give you a wave-off, it means hit the power and go back around.
If I bring my arm across my chest like this, it means set it down.
Hey.
Hey! You! Tex, I'm talking to you.
You know how to do this already, or what? We're all carrier-qualified, Mommy.
None of you has had carrier landings in at least eight months.
And I was told to start you from scratch.
That's fine.
Okay, come on, Jim, listen up.
Go ahead.
Okay, remember, I'm telling you how your wings are supposed to line up.
Now, if I give you this, it means you drop your starboard wing.
If I give you this, you drop the port.
This, you gain altitude, this, you lose altitude.
All you've got to do, is match your wings to the way I hold these flags.
And any man who ignores a wave-off is gonna catch it from me, personally.
Okay? Let's get in the jeeps and go out to the practice field.
Hey, Bozo.
"Catch it, personally.
" Just what exactly is that supposed to mean? That means I'm gonna take you off right where you stand, Tex.
Really? That sounds like something worth experiencing.
I'm talking to you about landing on a pitching, rolling carrier at low speed with everything hanging.
But if you want to wind up as a red stain on the hangar deck, that's fine with me, Bozo.
You better watch your mouth, or you're gonna end up as a red stain right here and right now.
Come on, Jim.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Let's get out of here.
I think we ought to teach that gyrene a lesson in naval courtesy.
I couldn't agree more.
Maybe clean him up a bit while we're at it.
Marines are a bunch of pigs.
Get a load of those guys.
Looks like the ole West Texas Drum and Bugle Corps down there.
Hey, Jim.
What do you say we teach 'em how to roll in the dirt.
Yeah, we've been takin' too much flak.
All right, you guys, let's not screw around with the Navy.
Let's get the feel of these Zeros.
And get current with carrier landings.
Casey, you lead off.
Those guys fly even worse than they smell.
Hey, watch out.
Hit the deck, quick! Why, that's dirty! Sorry about that.
I was so intent on watching the flags, I didn't see those guys down there.
That's showing 'em, T.
J.
Hey, way to go, T.
J.
Boy, they hit the dirt.
Did you see that? Hey, Wiley, you got the hang of this pretty damn good.
I guess I showed those anchor-clankers, huh, guys? T.
J.
, try not to kill 'em.
I think they're on our side.
These guys must have won their wings in a crap game.
The guy's doing everything backwards.
Okay, you guys, we better get down and cash in some of Gutterman's I.
O.
U.
s, before he gets laid out under a wing.
How'd I do? I told you what I was gonna do to you.
Yeah? I'm on the ground.
Gonna need some help.
Gutterman's in trouble.
knock it off! I said, knock it off.
Let's chop some wood! Break it up.
Come on! Break it up! Oops, sorry, Pappy.
Break it up! When I give an order, I want it carried out.
Put those men under arrest.
I I'd like to talk to you in your office.
Come on, Commander, where's your sense of humor? You know you can't arrest my boys.
If I have my way, they're gonna have the book thrown at 'em.
You're not gonna have your way.
We've already had this out.
I have a very unorthodox bunch of cutthroats on a very unorthodox mission.
You mess with us, and your bilges are gonna pump pink for three months.
I'm cabling high command.
And this entire incident will be written up and forwarded.
You do whatever you want.
Jim, did you lay that guy out? Shut up! Now if that ever happens again, if any of you guys take a swing on a naval officer while we're here, you have to do three rounds with me, or less.
But, Greg, this guy Shut up, French.
Tomorrow we're gonna shoot more landings.
None of you meatheads have ever shot carrier landings with kates.
So it figures you got nothing but time to start fights with naval pilots.
We've got to get serious about this thing, or we're all gonna end up getting nailed into boxes.
Now, after this operations briefing, I want you to go into the barracks and study flight characteristics of kates.
We're gonna fly some practice this afternoon.
Now let's get goin'.
Jim, what are you trying to prove? You already gave me your little Boy Scout talk, Greg.
Don't push your luck and try it again, all right? Jim.
I'm gonna need some help if this thing's gonna work.
Don't you disappoint me.
All my life people been shakin' their heads and sayin' ain't it a shame about Jimmy Gutterman.
I got kicked out of high school.
I got drunk, I stole a car, I nearly killed that boy over in Ponca City.
I joined the Marine Corps to stay out of the West Texas Correctional lnstitute.
I've been disappointing people all my life.
Only time I ever fit in anywhere was the Black Sheep.
You know why I fit in here? Because nobody else fit in here.
That includes you, too, Greg.
I'm not gonna disappoint you.
But I'm not gonna turn sideways neither when them Navy boys walk by.
You have any experience with torpedo bombing? I don't know anything about torpedo bombing.
Then it wouldn't be too much trouble, would it, to have you read the Navy Manual, so you don't wipe out a hospital ship, or something? I'm not gonna wipe out a hospital, Greg.
What we gotta worry about is if I miscalculate and drop a pill down Cmd.
Pritchett's stack.
We'll just hope that doesn't happen.
Did you see this communiqué from Commander Pritchett? You know the Navy and the Marines, Frank.
Don't give me that "boys will be boys" routine.
This guy, Boyington, is turning that base upside down.
Commander Pritchett wants a disciplinary review, and I think he's absolutely correct.
If I know Boyington, he probably is.
The Black Sheep are trouble, but they are good.
Want a beer? No, thank you.
If anybody is gonna make this mission work, it's Greg.
I'll make a deal with you, Admiral.
When this thing is over, and if any of them survive it, I'll chop on them a little.
What's that? What the hell is Tanner doing? He should've been able to hold that pass 24 hours.
He's in trouble.
He's outnumbered.
He's doing the best he can.
Is the Lexington in position? Well She's, uh, moving at flank speed.
What're you thinking? I think if we're gonna pull the Fifth Marines off that rock, we better move up the timetable.
How about the kates? How many will fly? I've got every available mechanic in there.
We'll just have to fly as many as we can.
I'm going to Seona tonight.
And if it's possible, move up the schedule.
He's gonna have to fly at 12:00 tomorrow.
The Department of Navy's screaming our necks are out a mile.
How did I let you talk me into this? I don't know, Frank, but it seemed to me you were pretty drunk.
How're you doin', Tex? I thought you told me some of the guys were here.
Well, they said they were gonna be here.
They ain't.
Didn't you read the dress order, Tex? You can't eat in here lookin' like that.
We thought we'd fix you up.
You figure these odds are close enough for you, Carter? This isn't going be a fight, Tex.
It's gonna be something we call a Marine clean.
A shave and a haircut.
And we figured we'd get you in the "head", but this is just fine.
Tom and Mort, why don't you go to the kitchen see if you can scare up some, uh, dishwashing goop and hot water, a pair of clippers, maybe.
Tex here needs a haircut, real bad.
You gonna try and do it yourself, Carter? Or are you gonna stand back and watch? I'm gonna be on the clippers, Tex.
Well.
You might just end up wearing 'em.
All right, Navy.
Let me in here, I don't know, sir, by morning.
We got maybe four kates that'll fly, maybe as many Vals and a couple of Zekes.
Are they all rigged for torpedoes? More or less, sir.
More or less? More or less? We're doing the best we can, Greg.
I mean, sir.
But the wiring on these birds looks like it was something cooked up by Chef Boyardee.
And the hydraulic systems are not to be believed.
I mean they are really strange, Greg.
Sir.
But we're doing it as fast as we can.
I swear.
Thanks, Hutch.
I'm telling you, I've got to scrub the whole thing.
What do you mean scrub it? Everything is great.
In 48 hours I'll have enough planes.
And we'll be ready to go.
We don't have 48 hours.
Tanner lost the Suma Pass and is being pushed right back to his beachhead positions.
In 48 hours he'll be on his way to Tokyo.
How long do we have, sir? Tomorrow, 08:00.
See what I mean? General, can't you push it back one day? You haven't heard a word I said.
Fly it with the Corsairs.
Just take the losses.
Nothing doing, sir.
This was my idea.
Relax, General.
The Black Sheep can do anything.
Except salute.
Casey, call a briefing right now.
I want you to get everybody.
I've been looking all over for you.
There's something I think you better see.
What is it? I'll just have to show you.
What happened? We're not supposed to go to the mess hall.
Gutterman and French forgot and Forgot? Who are you kidding, Bragg? Forgot! Jim.
Who says we can't go get something to eat? All me and Frenchie did was walk down there and they jumped us.
You are not goin' anywhere.
Now wait a minute.
I got a score to settle, Greg.
And there's no Navy worm that's gonna jump me and get away with it! I hope you understand that.
It was an ambush, Pappy.
All right, all right.
We'll settle with the Navy.
But not tonight.
I can't wait.
Pappy, look.
You know I usually don't go looking for trouble.
We we got to show these Navy guys that when you fool around with the Black Sheep, you'll get yours! Let's go put those bimbos on tumble dry.
Okay, okay.
I agree with you.
We will settle with the Navy.
But not tonight.
When, Pappy? First thing in the morning.
Why do we have to wait, Greg? Because if we nail these clowns, then we have to get off their island, right? We're not scheduled to leave here till the day after tomorrow, Greg.
That's been changed.
We're gonna hit the Kabitzu at noon tomorrow.
We're taking off at 08:00.
Now I promise you guys that we settle with the Navy tomorrow morning.
Please.
Not until tomorrow morning.
'Morning.
Tex.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Hi, guys.
Breakfast time.
Not afraid, huh? Looks like somebody cleaned your jarheads up.
You're beginning to look like Navy.
I heard you got a blanket party last night, Tex.
You look real good, Tex.
I understand you got a haircut.
Are you kidding? You promised, come on.
Carter, uh, I just wanted to say I, uh, I hope there's no hard feelings.
Well, we're leaving today and, uh, before we leave, we just sort of thought we all ought to come over here.
Well, uh, just wanted to apologize for all the all the trouble we've caused all you gentlemen.
We're sorry.
You mean that, Tex? I mean that as much as I can mean anything in the world.
Hey, something's burning.
Get a fire extinguisher.
Now all y'all look like Marines! Boyington, this is Commander Hightower.
Good morning, Commander.
You get your can out of that plane and get into the Operations Shack right this minute.
Blow it out your barracks bag, Jack.
Okay, you meatheads, Iet's get 'em up and out of here.
Let's get in tight formation.
Pick up a heading of 187.
We've got a rendezvous with the Lexington in two hours.
Let's maintain radio silence.
Bridge, I've got some bogies on the edge of my grid, here.
Attention.
All hands on the flight deck.
We are launching an escort plane.
Stand by to set up nets and emergency equipment.
We'll be catching the Marine pilots in five minutes.
Baby Jane wanted a meatball flight leader, how's he in for filling those things these days? Fine.
If you like sitting with your knees on your chin.
I'm gonna lead you in.
Just stay frosty and read the flag man.
Anybody misses the wire, give it power and come around again.
If you pancake, we got a net set up.
Any questions? Yeah, I got a question.
How do you put the wheels down on these things? They don't come with wheels, T.
J.
Why don't you get that Corsair out of the way.
Clear the flight deck.
We want to give those Zekes plenty of room.
T.
J.
, you're coming in too slow.
Get some power.
I'm too high, Pappy.
Take the wave off.
Come around and try it again.
Meatball leader, this is Mary Jane.
It's kind of weird having those birds sitting on my deck.
It's a weird war, sir.
The evacuation is going off in one hour.
Your flight plan has not been altered.
Everything's a go.
Aye-aye, sir.
Thanks for the pit stop, Captain.
Okay, guys, we hit that flattop in ten minutes.
Arm your torpedoes.
Let's rip the toupee off that beast! Roger, Pappy.
Caught sleeping, in a daring move, Navy pilots wreak havoc against the Japanese carrier kabitzu.
While Japanese gunners fight the flames, General Morris Tanner and the Fifth Marines are quickly and efficiently pulled off Christmas Island.
The Christmas Island Invasion, dubbed premature by the Pentagon brass, nonetheless served as a warning to the Japanese who now know that the war in the Pacific can be brought to their back door.
General Tanner took full responsibility for the defeat and praised the Navy for its swift evacuation.
Navy, my sweet aunt.

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