Only Murders in the Building (2021) s02e04 Episode Script

1
We want to help find Bunny's killer.
As the new board president,
I'm in charge now.
Someone's sure itchy to step
into the presidential wedgies.
The Arconia needs to be
brought into the 21st century.
The Arconia held little secrets
known only to the architect himself.
I'm not stepping down.
We need to find out
more about Nina.
Willy! Charles, this is my son Will.
Directing is my day job,
but my family, they're my passion.
We survived an implicit
death threat from Teddy Dimas.
You're accusing the Deli King?
Is this an offer? I'm Brazzos again?
Uncle Brazzos.
We're picked up for series already.
Sometimes, I can
smell that omelet you make.
Reminds me of Lucy.
Have you heard from her?
Loving a man like me ♪
- She's an angel in flip-flops ♪
- Pitta putta ♪
- Angel in flip-flops ♪
- Pitta putta ♪
Short shorts and tank tops ♪
And loving a man like me ♪
- She's an angel in flip-flops ♪
- Pitta putta ♪
Stopping my teardrops ♪
Kisses like Pop Rocks ♪
- And loving a man like me ♪
- Pitta putta ♪
Loving a man like me ♪
Pitta putta ♪
You still got it!
Is the hat wrong? Eh.
Okay, I don't care.
I'm just gonna leave it.
Yeah, nope.
So. Yeah.
Returning someplace after a long time
can be weird.
And I guess
how you ended up coming back and why
has a lot to do with how weird it gets.
Still works.
Still. Works.
Still.
Still!
Still!
Works.
Works!
Bet?
And as hard as
it can be to go back
sometimes, you have nowhere else to go.
First team on set?
First team on set. Copy that.
Alright! Ladies and gentlemen,
Charles-Haden Savage!
Well, thank you!
Thank you very much! Thank you so much!
Tony! I worked with your dad!
- Oh, hey!
- Thank you!
Cool. Let's go for blocking!
You know, I wasn't sure
this day would ever come.
I wasn't sure I'd ever be back here,
on the set of Brazzos.
- Well, you've made it.
- And get to finish a story
and revisit a character that
means so much not only to me,
but to the United States,
Canada, and Brazil.
Totally. So, cool. Now, if you're ready,
let's have you take a
seat in the wheelchair.
Yeah.
W-wheelchair?
I didn't see wheelchair in the script.
Oh, did you not get the new pages?
The studio added some
things for your character.
Nothing huge. A wheelchair.
Touch of dementia.
Dementia?
It's this murder case
you're involved in.
The studio needs to cover their
ass, be able to write you out
in case you go to prison.
I'm not going to prison.
And I didn't prepare
a touch of dementia.
- I need five minutes.
- Wait, but everything's
- all set up here
- No, this is a big thing
to spring on somebody!
W-w-wait
Touch of dementia.
This an okay time?
Lucy?
Listen, Will, I-I'm not going to be
able to make your rehearsal today.
Look, Dad, please.
I-I need some help.
I'm drowning over here.
I don't know how to direct. I
don't know what the hell I'm doing.
I understand.
I'm just ridiculously
jammed with this case.
No, you don't understand, alright?
I got set pieces flying
in and out of here,
I got screaming children
for six straight hours,
and I'm not 100% sure, but I
think the Tin Man has pinkeye.
Honey, no one cares about the
Tin Man in The Wizard Of Oz.
Just make the fattest kid the lion.
- It'll kill.
- Wait, Dad,
- you don't under
- I'm gonna call you later.
Thanks
Could you hold that, please?
Oliver.
Come in.
Wha Teddy, I'll just get another one.
Oh, don't be silly. I insist.
Okay.
- How are you?
- I-I'm I-I'm good.
You're back.
For a few months. Awaiting trial.
Ah. I see.
So how was prison?
Actually
Transformative.
I don't know if you know Master Han,
but he's helped me realize
I don't have to act on my thoughts.
For example, right now,
the thought of wringing your neck
really stimulates my root chakra,
but it's probably not worth losing
three of my mindfulness badges.
Ah.
Th-that's That's good
And how, how is Theo?
Also awaiting.
And angry.
He's coming by later to discuss
how best to use those
feelings productively.
Well, that-that's That
sounds good, too. Just
taking it all in stride. That's
That's all good.
That's me.
Well, I guess I'll see you around.
Oh, definitely.
Because I'm going to fuck you, Oliver.
- Excuse me?
- I'm going to fuck you.
I'm not sure
when or how quite yet,
but I'm going to fuck you.
Hard.
Harder than you've
ever been fucked before.
In a way you won't see coming.
Until one day,
you'll slip your nubby little
fingers into one of my dips
you love so much and realize
you're choking.
Choking on a big heaping bowl
of fuck.
Namaste.
- So, what are you
- So, what are Uh
- No, no, you first. You
- No, no, you first.
I mean, what brings you to Manhattan?
I mean, I'm assuming you have cooler
things to do than just see your old
To see m-my super cool TV
star ex-dad sort of person?
No, I, uh
I have a three-day weekend
because they found out
that the AP chem teacher was cooking GHB
on school property,
and also operating a
NXIVM-style sex cult.
I-I also figured it
was a good opportunity
to escape dystopian Connecticut
and culture-up in Manhatty.
Oh, th-that's, uh
Well, that's, um
You excited for your mom's wedding?
Uh, it happened.
Like, two weeks ago.
Oh.
Was it nice?
Nice is a a word.
Ah, he still hasn't figured
out his new lock, I see.
Well, Teddy's back!
He's already plotting his revenge.
I think he's gonna kill me, bury
me, dig me up, and kill me again.
We need to deal with Nina.
Howard DM'ed me
saying he has some "hot goss" on
her, and he'll be here any min
Lucy. Uh, Oliver, Mabel.
Lucy!
Oh my God, Lucy! Hi!
Wow! How sweet.
We've heard well, more about you
than anyone else from Charles' past.
You and his dead mysterious
father. It's a tie.
It is so cool to meet you.
I've heard your podcast,
but I usually, like, listen
to it on two times speed,
and your voices are so
much deeper than I thought.
- I love those pants. I had a pair
- Hey, can I talk
- to you two for just a minute?
- Sure. Absolutely.
You can play games on your telephone.
- What is she doing here?
- I don't know.
She says "just to hang."
I wanted this so badly,
but I'm so unprepared.
I mean, sh-she's an older person
now, and she brought a bag.
- Ooh
- Does that mean she wants to stay?
I don't understand things she says.
Can you talk to her and
just find out anything?
Why? Because I'm a girl?
No! Because you're young.
She used the word "Manhatty,"
and you just used "hot goss."
It's like I'm watching Squid
Just I'll give you $200.
I'll do it free of charge.
$200 on the Upper West Side
will just get me a
bagel and a soy latte.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Okay.
Hey, Luce! Uh, maybe you and Mabel, uh,
can get to know each other a little bit,
uh, while Oliver and I, uh, do
our adult business, uh, you know,
- conversation thing in the other room.
- Oh.
- Hey, girl.
- Hey.
Is it just me, or did
"adult business thing"
sound kinda queer-coded?
More like old-coded. So
It is so beyond that
Charles is friends with you.
I mean, you are literally
one of the coolest
people on the internet right now.
- Oh
- Seriously, Bloody Mabel
is, like, my favorite thing to happen
since those baby witches
tried to hex the moon.
They tore. Anyway,
- I uploaded you on the DAZED 100.
- On, uh, what?
Your story is, like, just
It's really, really inspiring.
Have you seen all that stuff
on Mental Health TikTok?
Uh
No. So, what brings you to Charles?
Yeah, so this TikToker, he made,
like, this whole timeline of your life,
and then cross-references the various
deaths, murders, etc., with the DSM-5.
Anyway, you are so lucky.
It's probably, like, so easy for you to
get, like, xannies and
Klonopin and stuff.
I prayed to the 100 Gecs
tree to get a real diagnosis,
but my mom, she, like,
hates Big Pharma, so
Guys? Is the adult
business concluded? Please?
I'll give you $200.
Hey, lookie what I found.
Charles said it's an
old favorite of Lucy's.
Is that you?
Oh my God
Walking all alone
with my past in front of me ♪
Lonely as a man with nowhere to go ♪
Looking for the woman that
the songs all promised me ♪
It's omelet time, Lucy!
Just like the old days!
Here comes the pepper.
Here comes the pepper!
Angel in flip-flops ♪
You know, this hil You know,
I'm such a huge fan of terrible
music. How have I never heard this?
- Do you have a perm?
- Yeah, well,
make fun of it all you want,
but it was a big hit in Germany.
It went to number 83 on the charts.
And then the Berlin Wall fell, and
that stopped its upward momentum.
Wait, why is this so familiar?
Oh. Wait for it.
This was sampled by, like, 50 rap stars.
- on the beach ♪
- Pitta putta, pitta putta ♪
My God, that is you! I know this!
Yeah, it was used by, uh, by Post
Malone and, uh, Missy Elliott.
- Yeah, and Del the Funky Homosapien.
- Good God,
how much money have you made from this?
I made about, uh
200 grand a year.
Yeah, you're gonna be
okay. Okay, big finish!
Loving a man like me ♪
Pitta putta.
Oh God, do you not wash these?
- What?
- Is that blood?
Charles, please tell me
that you butchered a hog
in your kitchen last night.
Holy shit. Is this the murder weapon?
- Hold on. This is mine!
- Hey, don't touch it!
- Fingerprints!
- Oh.
Th-this is my opening
night gift from Macbeats,
my 1991 musical of Macbeth
starring Vanilla Ice.
What's gonna show up next?
Body parts in a freezer?
What are you guys talking about?
Evidence keeps showing
up in our apartments,
and we don't know how. I mean, first,
the painting over there,
now the murder weapon?
Lucy, you cannot be involved in this.
You have to go. Now. Sorry.
Fine. I'll go.
To the bathroom.
Okay, w-what is going on?
She cannot be a part of this.
Now her fingerprints
are on the murder weapon?
I'm gonna run it through the dishwasher.
- No
- Wait! My fingerprints aren't on it!
- This could prove I'm innocent!
- Guys, stop!
Please, just think here.
Who's ever doing this
is clearly toying with us.
I mean, if it was simply
about getting us caught,
the police would be
banging down that do
Why am I holding this knife?!
Oh, good. It's open.
Guys, listen.
I am so sorry. I know that
I promised hot goss, but
this is really
it's more of a confession.
I was not truthful about the way
I obtained my injury the
night of Bunny's death.
Nina Lin punched me!
She is violent,
and after backstabbing Bunny,
I think she might have
front stabbed her, too.
She will cut a bitch.
You can use that in the podcast.
Why are you all looking at me
Thanks for the hot goss,
Howard. We gotta digest that.
You could have just texted us,
- of course.
- Oh, please.
I heard the episode where you
hacked into Tim Kono's phone.
Not that you would
ever guess my password.
Is it "Evelyn"?
No.
Good day.
Alright. So, Nina Lin
has a violent streak?
Lucy! Everything okay in there?!
- Maybe give her some privacy.
- Just a minute!
You know, when I was a kid,
and I was in the bathroom too long,
my grammy would knock
on the door and say,
"Oliver? Would you
like me to come in there
and rub some Vaseline on your rectum?"
You can come in!
I think I know how people are
getting into your apartment.
My God
How do you know about these?
I used to play hide and seek
with Anaya from across the hall.
Oh, right. You two got competitive.
Oh
These must have been used during
Prohibition for moving contraband.
- Or for perving.
- Ooh! Let me see.
See, this is why I don't exercise.
- Why is that?
- 'Cause you look like that.
He's sweating like Winnie
after a 10-foot walk.
None of these passageways
are on the building plans.
- It's so strange.
- Strange?
Is that all? You've been
living here for 30 years.
Aren't you wondering
what people see of you?
Oh, he doesn't do anything.
Trust me, no one's seen anything.
In a shocking development,
we've discovered
the killer's secret lair.
What lies at the center
of these "Arcatacombs"?
- Oh! Uh, don't go that way.
- Why not?
- It's a dead end. You should follow me.
- Follow you?
You're not a part of this.
I am calling your mother.
Uh, she does not wanna see me.
Not after I skipped her wedding.
- You skipped her wedding?
- Okay,
can we do family therapy later?
'Cause we're literally crawling
through the walls like rats.
Lucy, how well do you
know these passageways?
Don't answer that. She
is not a part of this.
Of course, she isn't. Lucy,
you are not a part of this.
But, if you were, hypothetically,
would you know how I'd
get to the sixth floor?
There's, uh, a maintenance ladder
that runs next to a secret elevator
on the A-line. Hypothetically.
- Thank you.
- Hey.
Where are you going?
Well, if Teddy's plotting to screw me,
I at least want to know what to wear.
I like him.
Nina? You in here, honey?
Nina?
There you are.
- Who's the neck?
- I don't know.
Business guy?
An MMA fighter?
A super-hot MMA fighter
in a business suit?
What's wrong, baby?
It sounds like it's her baby daddy.
I can't stop thinking about Bunny.
We're doing the right thing, right?
You know as well as I do.
She had to go.
- Bunny had to go?
- You're right.
Once we get that board vote,
we're home free, honey.
God, I love you.
I love you too, baby.
Wait, look in the corner over there.
Mm. You smell good.
Are they cutting some sort
of deal to change the Arconia?
By putting in a giant space pod on top?
Bunny never would have allowed that.
That's why Bunny had to go.
Oh
- Whoa. Okay.
- This is unethical.
Hey. You still get a bloody nose.
Oh
Are you sure this is okay?
With the baby?
- Oh, it's fine.
- God
Theo, stop obsessing.
Stop obsessing, please!
We can fix this, alright?
You just have to trust me!
Theo? Theo!
Everything I did was to protect you.
What? Don't say that.
You're my boy!
What?
You got your own lawyer now?
Theo!
Theo! I'm the only one
who's been looking
out for your interests!
You're killing me!
I have no life anymore!
Theo. I'm sorry.
I love you so much.
You're all
I care about in this world.
Theo
Theo!
- You're my
- Oh Jesus.
What did you find out about Teddy?
Nothing.
Except I saw him weep.
It was like watching Darth
Vader take off his helmet.
I-I'm in a total state of shock.
I really am.
And I've never wanted
to hug my son more.
Anyway, what did I miss?
Nina wants to profit by putting
a giant space pod on our building.
Yeah, and Bunny said no,
so Nina killed her.
But we didn't record any of that,
so now, we have to figure
out how do we nail her.
Hey.
I mean, just record her then.
Nina's super hormonal.
Seems like she's right on the edge, so
just give her a little push.
Hi!
We just came to say cheers
on the new presidency
and give you a gift for your new baby!
It's just a few artisanal things
we threw together,
something from each of us.
Um, thank you.
A can of vegan tuna,
a blanket
baby oil, and a tennis ball.
That's wet
That's because I
washed it. Just for you.
We just wanted to see how
you were doing, you know,
with the baby coming right
on the heels of losing
your beloved mentor on the board.
Oh God
And we've got her.
The jig is up, Nina.
Time to come clean.
Oh my God.
I need Jared.
He's out getting last-minute
baby things.
He can't save you.
No one can save you now.
You feel bad?
Well, you should! Spill it! Spill it!
Ooh!
Ah!
Oh my God! What is happening?!
Oh my God, it's coming!
- What do I do?
- Ah!
- Okay, okay. Here. Here.
- No, no, no!
Th-that's Winnie's blanket!
Listen. Listen. Hey, call 911.
Get a chair. Get a chair.
Here. Come on, this way. Let's just sit.
Here. Just squeeze this.
Squeeze this with your
hand. Put this in your hand.
Squeeze this. That's right.
And now just breathe. Rapid.
Oh my God. What if I'm a bad mom?
What? No! You won't be!
But, why would you think that? Is
it because you've done bad things?
Not now! Put that away!
Nina, look at me.
- Look at me.
- Mm?
It's going to be okay.
Yeah. Hey. Hey, who
is that in that photo?
- My mom.
- Oh, really?
Was she a good mom?
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah? And why is that?
She was there for me.
- She cared.
- Right.
And so will you. I mean,
you'll make mistakes.
I mean, this won't be the last time
your kid will scare the shit out of you.
But everything's going to be okay.
And all the hard parts
will be worth it. I promise.
Just breathe. Breathe, breathe, breathe.
Yeah.
I wish Bunny were here.
She was so excited to see this kid.
Look at me!
You find her murderer
and give me five minutes in a room
with that motherfucker once you do!
Okay. Okay, there's a chance I
may have to deliver this baby,
but don't worry. I once played
an obstetric anesthesiologist
on a show called The Deliverer.
And on that show, every
baby was born healthy!
Oh, thank God.
Oh, Jesus.
Take over. Ah!
Do I deliver or do I deliver?
That was the line from The Deliverer.
Oh Jesus
You know, it's weird to think
what if things had gone differently?
14C would still be my front door.
That guy would be my dad,
taking me on college visits,
worrying if I had an eating disorder,
getting it wrong when I
inevitably change my pronouns.
I get missing a really good dad.
I lost mine when I was really young.
Charles reminds me of
him sometimes. I think.
You can be honest with him.
Tell him the truth.
What do you mean?
You came here for a
reason, didn't you, Lucy?
He knows that, too.
Just tell him whatever it is.
Well, that was a day.
I saw a deaf son silently
destroy his father.
I watched Charles give a Lifetime
TV movie speech about parenting,
which actually moved me.
We got a bunch of pervs watching us.
I need to board up my apartment.
What else?
Oh, right. The murder
weapon in the ceiling.
Well, that's my cue.
And I know exactly where
I need to be right now.
- You gonna get rid of that?
- Don't you worry.
I'm so fucking worried.
Luce, it's been real.
- Later!
- Yeah. So real.
And don't be a stranger, dog.
Don't ever say that again.
Hey, could I ask you about Jan?
Oh, boy. Here we go.
No, no. Uh
No, I just wanted to say that, uh,
when I was listening to your podcast,
she seemed like a good match to me, too.
So you shouldn't, you know,
feel embarrassed about that.
You know, it always bummed me out,
thinking about you being
alone after we left. And, uh
so, I'm What I'm trying
to say is that I just
I hope that you find somebody someday.
And I get why Jan seemed right before
everything got all crazy.
Well, at least I managed to top how
things ended between your mom and me.
Yeah. Mom and I were fighting. Again.
That's why I bailed on the wedding.
She knows that I don't like him.
I mean, it-it's not
it's not that he's a
bad guy. He's just not
I'm sure he won't have you running
around a murder investigation.
You know, it wasn't easy.
With her.
Without you.
You know, it was really, really nice
to finally get a text from
you, but eight years is, like
That's, like, a really long time.
I'm sorry.
I-I didn't know I was allowed.
Your mom said no contact.
Well, you're allowed.
Okay.
So, you know, this, um
this is why, out of the
five dads that I have had,
you are
you are by far my favorite.
I'll take that.
Pitta putta, pitta putta.
Kids! Let's get our head
in the game, alright?
The yellow tape equals
the Yellow Brick Road. Follow it.
Nobody's even listening to me.
Well, if it isn't the greatest
director in North Jersey.
Hey, Dorothy.
Will, you put a skinny
kid in the lion suit?
Do you listen at all?
- Just please help.
- Hey, kids!
I have a bag of Skittles for anyone
who stands on the Yellow Brick Road.
This is what they used
to do with Judy Garland,
except it was a bag of amphetamines.
Hmm.
Thank you for never
giving up on me, Willy.
Ooh.
Oh shit. We're gonna need more Skittles.
There you go.
Straight to Connecticut. No detours!
Um
Say hello to your mom for me.
Hey, um
You know the night of the wedding,
was the same night you got arrested.
And instead of going to the church,
I-I tried coming here to see you.
In my place,
I got a nice bottle
of wine in the fridge.
No, we need champagne for a toast.
I mean, look, you get the cheeses,
Oliver's just gonna hoard all the dips
so I guess I could do
something else, but
Okay.
- Should we do it at my place?
- Well, I have furniture.
Well, I'm glad you didn't.
I wouldn't have wanted you
anywhere near here that night.
So, yeah.
Returning someplace after a long time
can be weird.
Things seem smaller, emptier.
And I guess how you ended up coming back
and why has a lot to do
with how weird things get.
Oh!
You know, I really came here
because I'm worried about you.
- You don't have to worry about me.
- No, I do.
I do. There is some real shit
going on in this building, Charles,
and you need to get tougher.
You need to find them
before they find you.
This is the second time
recently I put someone in a car,
feeling like they know more than I do.
I-I don't really know
what that means, but
maybe you should do
something about that feeling.
No detours!
Well, unknown caller.
I need your help with something.
Hello, Charles. I've missed you.