Let's move on to new business.
|Have you taken care of McBain?
Don't worry, Senator Mendoza.
By now|our dear friend has met with a
shall we say,|unfortunate accident?
With McBain out of the way,|nothing can stop us!
Any more new business?
-Only your death!|-McBain!
50 for this?|-What a gyp!
You broke up that meeting.
Now I'm thinking about holding|another meeting in bed.
I want to see the manager!
-The screen's small!|-The floor's sticky!
-The subplot felt tacked on.
|-We demand a refund!
-It's not our policy.
|-I'll policy you!
-Don't have a heart attack, old dude.
|-Don't you tell me
what to do, you
Thanks for nuclear power, which is yet|to cause a single proven fatality
-at least in this country.
|-Very nicely said.
-Bart ate during the blessing!|-You opened your eyes.
-Eating is worse.
-Is too!|-Is not!
One more word and|Bart gets no cartoons
and Lisa can't go to college!
-Dad!|-Not one word!
-Knock it off.
|-We didn't talk.
-Not a word.
|-No panto-ma-mine, either.
It's the hospital.
|-The hospital? Hello?
Oh, my God!
I'm happy to say that he|only had a mild arrhythmia.
Mild! There wasn't anything|mild about it!
Now get back|to the pharmacy, you quack!
With that feisty attitude,|you'll bury us all, Grampa Simpson.
-Pull your chair closer, my son.
|-What is it, Dad?
Not that close!
Homer, that heart attack made me|realize that I'm going to die someday.
Oh, Dad! You and your imagination.
There's something I think you|should know.
You have a half-brother.
It all happened while|I was courting your mother.
I was checking out the skirts at|the carnival when I first saw her.
Hey, handsome, wanna dunk the clown?
She did things your mother would|never do.
Like have sex for money.
A year later,|the carnival came back
and she had|a little surprise for me.
We left the baby at the Shelbyville|orphanage, and I never saw him again.
A year later, I married your mother|and we had you.
I want Homer to grow up|respecting his father.
He must never know about|that carnival incident.
-Promise you won't tell.
Forget what I just told you.
-Why are you blubbering?|-This makes me feel special.
Since I'm the one you kept,|it means you really love me.
|-I'm going to find my brother.
If I have to move heaven and earth,|I'm going to find him!
A long-Iost half-brother.
Know where this bastard lives?|His parents aren't married.
-It's the correct word, isn't it?|-He's got us there.
-Bastard! Bastard! Bastard!|-Bart!
-Excuse me, is this an orphanage?|-You're a little late.
-They tore that down 30 years ago.
|-Thirty years! I'll never find him!
I'm doomed to walk through|this life alone.
Oh, brother, where art thou?
They moved across the street.
I know how you feel.
I've spent years searching|for my long-Iost twin brother--
Yeah, but we're looking|for my brother today.
Can you tell me his name?
Our records state the Powells|adopted him and named him Herbert.
Herbert Powell, great!|Where can I find him?
Sorry, I'm not allowed to say.
Please! This is my life|we're talking about here!
I do sympathize|with your situation, Mr.
Your brother could be anywhere,|even Detroit.
I know he could be anywhere!|Narrow it down, please!
If you ask me
the city of brotherly love|isn't Philadelphia, it's Detroit.
Changing the subject makes you a|worthless excuse for a human being--
Read between the lines, you fool!
I get it! Here's 20 bucks.
Now, will|you tell me where my brother lives?
-I don't--|-Take it and tell me!
-He lives in Detroit.
Let's see, Powell.
Oops, too far.
|Here it is, "Powell" !
I called all three|Herbert Powells, nothing.
Well, you want to try|that H.
"H" ! Of course!|That could stand for Herbert!
It's a long shot, but--
Is this H.
Powell|of Detroit, Michigan?
By any chance does the "H" stand|for Herbert?
The "H" stands for Herbert!|Herb, were you adopted?
-From the Shelbyville Orphanage?|-How did you know?
Because I'm your baby brother, Homer!
-Hello? Hello? Stupid phone!|-Knock it off! I'm here!
-I was silent due to emotion.
We need to meet.
Grab a plane to Springfield.
|We got a couch that folds out--
I'll tell you what,|why don't you come here?
-Are we there yet?|-Just a little further.
-We there yet?|-Just a little further!
If you don't behave|we'll turn around and go home.
-But, Marge, I want to see my brother!|-Homer, it's an empty threat.
Did you know you were going--?
Sorry, sir, I didn't know it was you.
|See the way I handled that, Marge?
-What are you doing here?|-What does it look like?
We're losing to the Japanese.
-Unfair trade practices?|-Mushy one-worlders in Washington?
-Some gypsy curse?|-I'm tired of excuses!
-Why did I hire Harvard idiots?|-You went there.
But Mommy and Daddy didn't pay my way!
I had to work,|washing your dishes and toilets!
I remember you.
-What's the name for our new car?|-You'll love this.
Persephone?|What the hell kind of name is that?
She was the Greek goddess|of spring and rebirth.
She was carried off to Hades|where she ate six pomegranate s--
People don't want cars named|after hungry, old, Greek broads!
They want names like Mustang|and Cheetah, vicious animal names.
The problem is, you've forgotten|your roots! What are your roots?
I guess they extend to|when the Angles met the Saxons.
When white met bread.
What are your roots?|What can they teach us?
I have no roots.
|All I know is that
I'm just a Ionely guy.
-What was he so upset about?|-Good Lord.
Marge, this can't|be the right address.
-Hello, in there.
-Herb?|-You look just like--
Except you got a little more--
And a little less--
God, I feel so--
-Welcome to my home, brother.
|-Holy moly! The bastard's rich!
Herb, allow me to introduce my family.
|This is my wife, Marge.
-You old dog, she's gorgeous!|-Thank you.
Our three children,|Bart, Lisa and Maggie.
-All born in wedlock?|-Yes, but Bart was a close call.
Lisa, are you the hell-raiser|your father told me about?
-No, I can assure you I'm not.
|-I'm the hell-raiser.
-Do you want to hold the baby?|-I don't know how.
Oh, what's to know?|Just dive in.
God, that new-baby smell.
|Homer, you're the richest man I know.
I feel the same about you.
I want you to make yourselves at home.
Any time you're hungry, day or night,|Cook will make you anything you want.
-Even pork chops?|-Absolutely.
We've a tennis court--
If I want pork chops in the middle|of the night, he'll fry them up?
That's what he's paid for.
|If you need towels--
Wait! Let me see if I got this right.
|It's Christmas day, 4:00 a.
-there's a rumble in my belly--|-Homer!
-You sure love pork chops!|-He sure does, Uncle Herb.
"Uncle Herb" sounds so formal.
Do you|think you could call me "Unky Herb"?
-No problemo, Unky Herb.
My nephew's adorable.
Will you kids shut up?
So, Marge, a little about yourself.
I met Homer in high school.
We married|and had three beautiful children.
Wow, we have so much|catching up to do.
I just told you|pretty much everything.
-Watch me dive!|-Okay, we're watching!
I hope we're not spoiling them.
-You weren't watching!|-You didn't see!
A millionaire!|I kept the wrong one.
I'll come as soon|as I can leave here.
In the meantime,|please don't do anything stupid.
Can I spit over the side?
I love this kid.
|Hawk your brains out.
Cook? Sorry to bother you,|but I got a hankering for--
That's right! With applesauce.
-Pick out any one you want.
|-You sure you want to give me a car?
You know what they cost me? There's|maybe $40 worth of steel in them.
-Okay, I'd like a big one then.
|-We don't have a big one.
-Why not?|-Americans don't want big cars.
-Give me one with lots of pep.
|-Our cars don't have pep.
-Why not?|-Americans want good mileage.
Tell the nice man|what country you come from.
|-You hear that, morons?
This is why we're getting killed!
Instead of listening,|you're telling people what they want.
-I need your help.
I want you|to help me design a car.
A car for all|the Homer Simpsons out there.
-I want to pay you $200,000 a year!|-And I want to let you!
Homer, meet my team of engineers.
|They're gonna build your car.
|-This project is our top priority.
I don't want to see anything|till it's finished.
Direct all your questions|to Mr.
the man with the vision.
He'll bust|this company out of its rut.
He'll change American|transportation forever!
-So, what kind of car would you like?|-I don't know.
Whatever you kids want|to do today, tell me.
|-I want a pony ride.
-I want a boat ride.
-Boat ride!|-Pony ride!
-Kids are so easy to please.
|-I hope we're not spoiling them.
-What's that?|-The onboard computer.
-Your brother told you to help us.
|-Yeah, he did.
-Why don't you get us some coffee?|-Okay.
Batting ninth, Unky Herb!
|-How's your car coming?
We're putting in an onboard something|and rack-and-peanut steering.
Homer, you didn't ask for|rack-and-pinion steering, did you?
I think I did.
How could you ask for it?|You don't know what it is.
-May I be excused?|-No.
You know why I gave you this job?
-You think I'm a genius?|-No, not that.
-You think I'm dynamic?|-I don't think so.
-You think I work well with others?|-No.
It's because you're an average schmo.
-All you need is self-confidence.
|-Unky Herb, I don't know--
Listen to me.
From now on, before you|say anything, say to yourself:
"If nothing else, I'm sure of this!"
-Answer with self-confidence.
Now go get them!
I want a place in this car|to put my drink!
-Sir, the car has a beverage holder.
I said a place to put my drink.
The Super Slakers they sell|at K wik-E-Marts are this big!
-Very big beverage holder.
|-I'm not done!
The little ball you put on the aerial|so you can find your car.
Some things are so snazzy they never|go out of style.
-and bubble domes.
|-I gotta call the boss.
Well, you know what?|I'm glad you're nervous
because that means we're|on the right track.
All right! This is what you're|gonna do.
Hang up and call me back.
Say the exact opposite of everything|you just said.
Kids, come here.
-What is it?|-Hear what the guys think of your dad.
|-Homer Simpson is a brilliant man
with lots of well-thought-out,|practical ideas.
He's ensuring the financial security|of this company.
Oh, yes, and his personal hygiene|is above reproach.
-Our dad's the greatest!|-Homer, I'm impressed!
Pretty good, huh?
Put a horn here, here and here.
|I can't find it when I'm mad.
-And they should play "La Cucaracha.
Sometimes the kids|are in the back hollering.
There must be|something we can do about that.
A built-in video game?
You're fired!|What are we paying you for?
A separate soundproof dome for|the kids? With restraints and muzzles.
Bull's-eye! And when I|gun the motor
I want people to think the world|is coming to an end!
The mouse is named Itchy|and the cat is Scratchy.
-They hate each other.
|-They express it.
To think I wasted my life|in boardrooms and meetings.
I could have been watching cartoons!
This old fool's wasted his life.
-Do you miss the Antarctic?|-Now this is spoiling them.
Ladies and gentlemen,|esteemed stockholders
members of the press,|Your Holiness.
Tonight we are going|to witness automotive history.
Whatever Homer wants
All my life, I've looked|for a car that feels right.
Powerful like a gorilla,|yet soft like a Nerf ball.
Now I've found it.
Presenting the car designed|for the average man
-Questions?|-What does this monstrosity cost?
Jerry, what's the sticker price?
This monstrosity costs $82,000?
What have I done?|I mean, the zoo was fun
but I'm ruined!
-Bye, Unky Herb.
Because of me, you lost your business,|your home and all your possessions.
Maybe you'd have been better off|if I'd never come into your life.
Maybe I'd have been better off?|Maybe?
You sponge-head,|of course I'd have been better off!
As far as I'm concerned,|I have no brother!
Maybe he said that|to make conversation.
His life was an unbridled success|until he found out he was a Simpson.
I'm here! Where's that millionaire|chip off the old block I call sonny?
Get in, Dad.
|I'll explain on the way home.
I knew you'd blow it!
-Dad?|-What is it, boy?
I thought your car was cool.
I was|waiting for someone to say that.