Hercules: The Legendary Journeys s04e01 Episode Script

My-My mother's name was Leanna.
She was very beautiful.
I was only a child when she was taken from me.
She was stolen from us by a great giant.
He said he was taking her to his castle in the clouds, but I never stopped searching.
Please, Hercules, find out what happened to her.
I will, Alissa, but how do I get there? Th-There's a secret way.
Promise me you'll do this.
Promise so that I can die in peace.
I promise.
Piece of cake.
Getting in was the easy part.
Now, are you sure this warlord, uh, Otus, has whatever it is we're looking for? Well, I tracked it to Otus, who stole it from another warlord who stole it from the warlord before him.
Ah, so much for honor among thieves.
It gives us all a bad name.
Of course, uh, now that you're part of the gang- I told you- I tried the direct approach, but the last two warlords, too many people got hurt.
Uh-huh.
And that's why you needed a, uh- Oh, what was it? Uh- Come on.
You know I love to hear you say the "F" word.
I'd rather take on another army.
What's a couple hundred more thugs? Well, then, I'll say it for you.
You needed a f-f-favor.
You're loving this, aren't you? Well, I suppose I do owe you one - uh, favor, that is.
After all, you did give up your fruitless attempt to have me imprisoned way back when.
Here it is.
- Ooh! Watch and learn, Hercules.
Why do I do this to myself? Hmm.
Hmm.
If the box is moved or the lines touch, the weight shifts, sounding an alarm.
Ah, this could be tricky.
- So you've seen this before.
- Never.
Ho, ho-ho-ho.
- Please tell me you're after the rocks.
- The pouch.
Typical.
Hah! Can you say, "genius"? Let's go.
Yeah.
- That would be a bad sound.
- Very bad.
Uh, Hercules, wouldn't the road be faster? That's where Otus's army'll be.
Of course, if you gave back the jewels you took, maybe they'd stop chasing us.
Moi?Jewels? Please.
Just give me the pouch.
Ah, yes, the precious pouch.
Ah, ah, ah, ah! A bean? All that for a bean? Just give it to me.
This could ruin my reputation.
"King of Thieves raids evil warlord's vault for a bean.
" Uh- I risk life and limb for a bean! Whoa-whoa! Who knew? This is the story of a time long ago, a time of myth and legend, when the ancient gods were petty and cruel, and they plagued mankind with suffering.
Only one man dared to challenge their power- Hercules.
Hercules possessed a strength the world had never seen, a strength surpassed only by the power of his heart.
He journeyed the earth, battling the minions of his wicked stepmother, Hera, the all-powerful queen of the gods.
But wherever there was evil, wherever an innocent would suffer, there would be Hercules.
Hail! All right.
Now, let me get this straight.
You're going up there to search for someone's mother? That is, if she's still alive.
I made a promise.
My keen senses tell me there's something else up there- something perhaps, um, of value? Nothing that would interest you, so don't get any ideas.
Now, I still owe you that favor.
You owe me nothing.
I feel obligated.
You'll recover.
Somehow, whenever you're around, things get complicated, so please, don't do me any more favors.
- Thought you could get away, huh? - Well, if you insist- Yo-ho! He hates it when I do this.
I hate it when he does that.
Oh, bad idea! Look up.
Look up.
That's not a whole lot better.
Autolycus, you don't know what you're getting yourself into.
Then again, neither do I.
Ah! A castle.
And where there's a castle, there's usually treasure.
Seems solid enough.
Gotta watch that first step.
Big castle, big treasure.
Big castle.
Big castle.
Big, big treasure.
Lots of treasure.
Where's Hercules when you need him? Fancy meeting you here.
Hercules! There you are.
I was just, um- I was looking for you.
Well, I'm here.
Now, go back.
Now, is that any way to treat your partner, partner? We are not partners.
It's locked.
Not for long.
Uh, just a thought - Maybe we should go in, um, quietly.
We don't know what's in there.
Fine.
We'll do it your way.
Always happy to do a favor.
Ah! After you.
No, no, no.
After you.
Big castle, big treasure.
Ah.
Big castle.
Big treasure.
Big chair.
We're here to find Leanna, remember? Or at least someone who knew her.
dddd dddd [ Woman Vocalizing Shh! dddd - Uh, excuse me.
Maybe you could help us.
- How did you get here? - Uh, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to startle you.
Oh, it's just so long since I've seen anyone like you, like me.
- But you must leave immediately.
- Uh, but we just got here.
Please, before he wakes up.
"He"? You don't want to meet him, believe me.
Uh, we're looking for a woman named Leanna.
Her daughter asked me to find out what happened to her.
She's probably very old.
Alissa sent you? You're Leanna.
Time goes by very slowly up here.
Now, that's a great-grandmother.
Two hundred dinars to hunt down those two.
You'll be paid the rest when you return with my jewels.
She had a full life.
She had many, many grandchildren.
I've missed so much being stuck up here.
Well, then, come back home with me.
Home? Yeah.
I- Don't touch those! No, I was just admiring them.
Please, just leave! Before it's too late.
Come on! Come on! Whoa! Get out, now! I am not leaving you here.
I'll be safe, but you won't! Uh- perhaps she has a point.
Just-Just come with me.
I can't! Go! Typhon.
You know this guy? Well, yeah.
He's one of the nicest- I'll kill him! - Define "nice.
" - Kill who, Typhoon? Someone's after Fee, Fie, Fo-Fum.
I smell the blood of a Grecian man.
- Where is he? - Where is who? The Grecian man I smell! The nose knows.
I've no idea what you're talking about! I wanna check on Fee, Fie, Fo-Fum.
They're just eggs, Typhoon.
And I can't believe you're still insisting on those ridiculous names for them! They're not ridiculous! And they're not just eggs! They're my responsibility! And yours too.
Oh, you just love to rub that in, don't you? What are you doing? I'm, uh, gonna go have a talk with this guy.
You do that.
I've still got a few good years left.
Wait! Show a little more dedication! Dedication? To eggs? But they won't always be eggs! But you'll always be a grump, and I'm stuck here until those stupid things hatch! And when they hatch, they'll have feelings.
They all know you don't fight! Aha! I knew it! - Dummy.
Come here, you! Why, I oughta- Hah! I'm just a common thief! A common thief with, um, uncommonly good taste, which is why I chose your lovely- Son of a- That'll teach you to toy with the King of Thieves! Come on! Right behind ya! Yeah.
Uh, we haven't met.
I'm Autolycus.
Perhaps you've heard of me? Uh-oh.
Uh, that's a nice helmet.
Let me guess- You're looking for some jewels.
Man of few words.
I- I'll tell you what.
I'll go save Autolycus from certain death and bring back Otus's jewels.
You wait right there.
Doesn't like to wait.
Too much iron in his diet.
Typhoon, there's no point in killing him.
Just let him go.
Yes.
Let him go.
Let him go.
He broke into my house! So? He made a mistake! Can't you stop acting like a bully, just once? A bully? So that's what I am? A bully? No.
Look.
I just don't want this man's blood on my hands.
Oh, that's a good inclination.
Uh - I'd go with that.
I try to keep you safe and protected, and you call me a bully! Oh! You always have to bring that up! The big protector! As if, given a choice, I would have chosen you! And I wouldn't have chosen you either! Oh! Women.
Sheesh! What would you know, thief? Oh, actually, where I come from, I'm considered something of a ladies' man.
You see, wooing women is an art.
It must be approached with masterful skill and sensitivity.
She must be engaged and stimulated.
She must be cultivated like the little flower she is.
She must be taken for all she's worth.
Um- Uh, romanced.
Go on.
Big protector! Ha! He doesn't know what fear is! If - Sorry.
It's a bad habit.
So, uh, you ready to go? In a heartbeat, if I could.
I swear, if he barks one more order- He cares more about these stupid eggs than he does about me.
And who would name eggs Fee, Fie, Fo-Fum? Leanna, these are Harpy eggs.
You're telling me? They're why Hades ordered Typhoon to bring me here.
Hades ordered it? Our village was plagued by Harpies- attacking children and old people.
Hades agreed to bring the Harpies down to the Underworld, but he decided the last of the Harpies' eggs would be safer up here with Typhoon, what with his keen sense of smell and all.
Well, he's got that, all right.
I was forced to become caretaker of the eggs.
Those were Hades's rules.
For how long? Until the eggs hatch.
Once they do, I'm out of here.
I can't take those eggs down to Earth.
Why not? They'll be safe.
But no one else will be after they hatch.
They're killers.
Once you have Harpies, you can't get rid of them.
Well then, I'm not leaving.
I'll have to stay with them until they hatch.
I know what happens when one doesn't follow Hades's rules! All right.
All right.
I'll take them down to the Underworld.
I'm sure I can get Hades to reconsider his rules.
Uh, I'll get the eggs.
You get rid of him.
I, um, just wanted to say that you look lovely today.
Excuse me? Tell her she's got great eyes, like, uh, liquid moons.
Your eyes are watery.
What's that supposed to mean? No, I-I- I mean- Lips, lips.
They're big and luscious.
You have a big mouth.
A what? The man is a moron.
Talk about her legs.
And a great set of eggs.
Well, I never! It's not enough I'm forced to live with you.
- Now you insult me! - Insult? I was trying to be nice! You call that nice? Please, don't do me any favors! I give up.
I just give up! Try her hair.
Tell her it's, um, oh, silken- like, you know- um, like silk.
You- Hey, hey! Oh, landing in a bed of gold.
How like me.
Autolycus.
Maybe you should, uh, get out of there.
Slowly.
Oh, I'll get out, slowly.
Ah! Ah! Oh! Oh, Hercules, get this off me! Ugh! Mama! Did that thing just say- No way.
Huh? Oh! They don't look like Harpies.
Harpies? Oh, they're, uh, Harpies, all right.
They're cuter than the Harpies I remember.
Cute.
Who cares about them? I'm free! Do you hear me? Free at last! Oh, hey! Shoo! Beat it! Scram! Go on, kid.
You bother me.
Ready to go anytime you are.
All right.
Uh, let's head to the bean stalk.
Wait.
Autolycus.
Uh, coming! Love to stay and talk.
Very funny.
Hey! My hook.
You know, it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye.
What in the gods' names is going on here? I hate to break it to you, big guy.
You've got Harpies.
Fee, Fie, Fo-Fum! Whoa! I've waited for so long! Get off of me, you- - This isn't funny anymore! - Hey! Who are you? You know, maybe I should explain.
Guess he didn't think much of my explanation.
Oh, come on, Hercules.
Why can't you bend those bars? Doesn't make any sense.
Must be the altitude.
Step aside, Hercules.
Let me show you how it's done.
dddd Do you mind? It helps me think.
Don't strain yourself.
dddd dddd - dddd - dddd dddd dddd Here.
Throw this.
Hercules, please.
I'm trying to get us out of here.
So am I.
Just throw it right over there.
Oh, isn't this fun? Do it again.
Further.
Okay.
Not bad.
I think it's better if you just stay right here.
Keep you out of trouble.
Where are you going? Typhoon and I are gonna have a little chat.
Hey, Typhoon? What are you doing here? I just want to talk.
Uh, we can do this the hard way, or we- Okay.
The hard way.
What we have here is a failure to communicate.
What do you want? Well, for starters, a little honesty- like, about Leanna.
That woman is impossible! Wait.
So-So you're gonna lie there and tell me that with all the fighting and the arguing, all the bullying, is because you really don't like her and wish she would leave? - Well- - Come on.
I mean, it's so obvious.
Obvious? It is? To everyone but the two of you.
Look, I - I'm pretty good friends with your brother, Typhon.
Typhon? You know Typhon? Well, yeah.
I haven't seen him in so long.
"I'm a lover, not a fighter.
" That fool lets everyone walk all over him! That fool is in love, married, and has a slew of kids.
That fool is happy.
Can you say the same? You could have all those things too.
- Why don't you just tell Leanna how you feel about her? - She hates me.
But what do you expect, with you trying to control her all the time? Well, you can't let a woman do whatever she wants.
Why not? Well, she might- Leave? You know, the tighter you hold on, the more likely she is to leave.
If you, uh, give her a little freedom to make her own choices, she might surprise you.
One, two, three! I'm never gonna get out of here.
Thank you.
I knew he'd finally see things my way.
Leanna? You're free to go.
I'll help you gather your things.
Wait.
Uh, I've- I've got everything already, sort of.
I mean, I - I didn't come up here with much anyway.
Everything I have I got from you.
Oop! Well, now that that's settled.
Well, let me say good-bye to Fee, Fie and- Where'd they go? The window.
No! No! They're headed for the bean stalk! Be careful with them! Yes, don't let them get hurt.
Hurt them? Don't worry.
We won't.
Ow! Pull up the bean stalk! Hurry! We can't let them get down to Earth.
Uh, point of debate.
If he pulls it up, how do we get down? Yeah, one problem at a time.
Well, uh, I guess they're gone.
I don't see them anywhere.
Hah! You two.
We got company, don't we? Uh, bad company? Mm-hmm! Okay.
Uh, go to Typhoon.
Save him! Please! Typhoon! Pick up the tail! To the moon, Herc! Nice shot! Yeah.
The Harpies- they're gone.
Don't worry.
They'll come back.
They always do.
Come on! Oh, come on, Hercules.
There's gotta be a better way-y-y! Oh! There you are! Gotcha! You're not gonna give me warts, are ya? Ah, come here, you little- There.
Now, stop! Stop it, or someone could get hurt.
Now, come on.
Harpies- Can't get rid of 'em.
Uh, Hercules- Uh- I'm no expert on bean stalks, but this does not look- - Are you okay? - Oh, just fine, thanks.
Fee! Great.
I hope this thing is attached.
Don't look! It's okay.
He's safe.
Do me a favor.
Stay off the bean stalk.
Oh, okay.
Good.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Well, I, uh- I guess this is it.
Yep.
It's, uh, time to hit the stalk.
Leanna? Thanks for staying all these years.
I know it's been hard for you.
Oh, not really.
We've had some good times.
Tell Typhon his brother envies him.
Well, it's been fun, as far as near-death experiences go.
Who am I kidding? This is my home.
I belong here! Don't I? Well, of course you do.
Thank the gods! Oh, Leanna, you've made me so happy! And the Harpies- They need a mother! But, Typhoon, I insist we raise those kids properly.
Kids? Absolutely.
No spoiling them, no snacks before dinner, decent manners and a good education.
- And lots of love.
- Oh, that'll work.
They'll grow up to be good Harpies.
You'll see.
Okay, well, if anyone can, uh, make it work, that would be the two of you.
Well, that turned out okay.
Yes.
It wasn't a total loss.
You never learn, do you? No, Hercules.
I need to keep honing my skills.
You never know when you might need another favor.
Yeah.
That reminds me.
Uh, thanks.
I'm sorry, Hercules.
What was that? Thank you.
Think nothing of it.
Next time you need the King of Thieves, you'll know where to find me, partner.
Yoo-hoo! We are not partners! I hate it when he does that.