12 Oz. Mouse s01e06 Episode Script
Spharktasm
1 Episode 6: "Spharktasm" trans: John W Sandwich (Chris Crisman-Cox) Welcome to Hawaii have a nice day !!! :) Hey, bar's closed.
Oh.
Ha ha ha.
Hey, you're not going to tell anybody, are ya? Aw, pssh, it's just a fake.
I mean, it's made of metal, for cryin' out loud.
It's a joke.
It's a gift from my uh, from my uh, realtor.
It's funny.
Isn't it? Come on, guys.
Oh no.
Put another turkey at her feet.
Hey, you know, this really isn't a good idea being here.
I mean, heh, this place where we're at now, that's the idea that I'm referring to that isn't good.
I mean, I like your place.
It's chilly.
You got some things that are bandito.
But uh, listen.
Come here.
We-we're dead.
You know what? Me? Who me? Me? No, you.
Do I know what? I mean, what are you referring to that I know? What is that? A uh - a dog? He's a squirrel.
Yeah, I know.
Here, squirley, squirely - - get yourself a nut.
Shut up.
You shut up! You have no idea what kind of party is in store for us here! Ok? I love a party.
With clowns and cakes.
You know, I can't remember the last time I was at a party, and that is what is driving me out of my brains.
You really mean that? I mean, you, with the brains? What's going on with that Shark? Man, I do not know.
What Shark? Skillet.
Show him.
Roostre, dude.
Roostre is the guy.
What about Roostre? He's a he.
He's the man.
Everything, everything he touches goes bad.
What about that? She's the man-wo-man.
You oughta ask him.
He'll show ya.
And that no-eyed square guy? What's his deal? Don't talk to him, man.
You don't know what you're getting into.
I'm telling you.
Who is he? Aw, he's rich.
He's really rich.
He's the bank.
He's got like all this mad cash from the From the what? I don't know.
R-Roostre knows.
One more question, and I'm out, because I am sick and tired of this.
What do you know about a cold phone.
You don't ever wanna get one.
Not ever.
And what about this Pronto? No, no, shh.
No, shh.
Don't talk.
I said one more, and that's it.
You're gonna leave here and go to your bar, and when that no-eyed square guy shows up, call me.
Mmm, thank you.
Grab another turkey, and put it by her feet.
And let's get them [unsure of word - possibly "back"?.]
Out of sight, get back, what up Shorty? No, no way, man.
This is how it went.
It went like this.
Was a time, not long ago, NLived the good life, on the road.
NBig stout house, two-car garage, NThree-piece suit, and a brand new Dodge.
But in the wink of an eye, I lost it all.
NI got some land, to grow corndogs.
NSo now I'm stuck, on this here farm.
NDone lost my mind, then I lost my arm.
Growing these dogs, for the carny trash.
NAmong other things, I'll do for cash.
NOh my demise, ain't all my fault, NBut I reap rewards that it has brought.
NBut I reap rewards that it has brought.
Did you hear that.
Guys? That was beautiful.
I miss I miss the old days, and the purple haze, and the mayonnaise, and the frickin' A's, my man.
Eating ketchup sandwiches under the Christmas tree.
Bro, I don't know if you know, but like - and if this freaks you out, just let me know, but like, Joe and me, and let me know if Joe - Oh, ha! No, you just didn't, man.
You said: Joe, let me know.
That's a rhyme on my time, biznitch.
Slap me a link and clink on, man.
Hey.
Far out.
Far out.
Out.
Man, I'm so far out, I'm crunk as a mug up in this joint, man.
Out like bizmouth.
And the planets and man sho kimshow.
All right, now.
Hey, hey- Ooooo, ooo, shout.
Hey guys, did I ever tell ya, uh, about, uh, how I got here? About how I got to be like this? One more time, Roost.
Got where to be like what? You know where.
Man, these are effing cool.
They were about 3 or 4 hundred dollars.
Happy birthday, sweetie.
This is for me? Open it.
Wow, these are cool.
Thanks.
Huh.
Um what are? Um That's not what I I, I'll get her.
Hush, hush, hush.
What are you doing here? That's my - ugh.
That was for Fitz.
Why did you take it? Leave us alone, you bastard.
Sorry, Skillet.
Let's do it.
It was just a car, man.
I mean, I left the stereo, and this guy shows up, and some guy I can't even make out his features and everything.
And he growls and growls, and next thing I know I wake up in some room painted white where there's a giant fan all spinning, and here he comes, this shapeless thing, and he comes out for me, and I can't move, and I got something sticking out of my neck, and then it paralyzes me, and then he grabs me and starts pushing me toward the fan.
Okay, here's the deal, fellas.
One of you, all of you, none of you maybe, know exactly what is going on here.
Now Mouse, you don't know what you're talking about.
Shut up.
Nobody talks.
Nobody talks until I til I figure out what I'm doing with this thing.
How does this go together? Is that thing like a rabbit or what? Dude that is totally an animal.
This is all like some kind of puke dream that I can't seem to shake the sweats from.
And everytime I turn around there's a Shark and a clock and some sort of giant eyeball thing.
Oh, I, I completely understand, dudeus.
I mean, I'm totally blown away by the eyeball man.
I mean, have I seen him? Look, eyeball, schmeyeball.
I said: shhh.
Okay now, funny thing is, I have these weird flashes, like I've been somewhere before.
Like I've been ripped from somewhere for reasons I don't understand.
Does anyone else pick that up? That understanding of rippedness? I know you do.
Does, uh, Birmingham mean anything to anyone? Does it? How bout you? You know.
I told you before, the night we got drunk.
About Muff.
So what? Well, so what is, his real name is Birmingham.
That's so what.
I think uh, I've got a lot on my mind, gentlemen.
I've got a lot on my mind and a lot of gun in my hand, so don't eff this up.
And I'm not sure when it's gonna go off.
Good god, here we go.
Mouse, mouse.
He's here.
The square businessman is here.
I called you like you asked, and don't say I didn't tell you so.
This is Rhoda isn't it? How you doin', Rhoda? Still uh, alive, I hear.
It's gonna go hard for you Rhoda.
You're not gonna like what comes next.
after credits: Mrs.
Fitz gets hit with a dart.
Oh.
Ha ha ha.
Hey, you're not going to tell anybody, are ya? Aw, pssh, it's just a fake.
I mean, it's made of metal, for cryin' out loud.
It's a joke.
It's a gift from my uh, from my uh, realtor.
It's funny.
Isn't it? Come on, guys.
Oh no.
Put another turkey at her feet.
Hey, you know, this really isn't a good idea being here.
I mean, heh, this place where we're at now, that's the idea that I'm referring to that isn't good.
I mean, I like your place.
It's chilly.
You got some things that are bandito.
But uh, listen.
Come here.
We-we're dead.
You know what? Me? Who me? Me? No, you.
Do I know what? I mean, what are you referring to that I know? What is that? A uh - a dog? He's a squirrel.
Yeah, I know.
Here, squirley, squirely - - get yourself a nut.
Shut up.
You shut up! You have no idea what kind of party is in store for us here! Ok? I love a party.
With clowns and cakes.
You know, I can't remember the last time I was at a party, and that is what is driving me out of my brains.
You really mean that? I mean, you, with the brains? What's going on with that Shark? Man, I do not know.
What Shark? Skillet.
Show him.
Roostre, dude.
Roostre is the guy.
What about Roostre? He's a he.
He's the man.
Everything, everything he touches goes bad.
What about that? She's the man-wo-man.
You oughta ask him.
He'll show ya.
And that no-eyed square guy? What's his deal? Don't talk to him, man.
You don't know what you're getting into.
I'm telling you.
Who is he? Aw, he's rich.
He's really rich.
He's the bank.
He's got like all this mad cash from the From the what? I don't know.
R-Roostre knows.
One more question, and I'm out, because I am sick and tired of this.
What do you know about a cold phone.
You don't ever wanna get one.
Not ever.
And what about this Pronto? No, no, shh.
No, shh.
Don't talk.
I said one more, and that's it.
You're gonna leave here and go to your bar, and when that no-eyed square guy shows up, call me.
Mmm, thank you.
Grab another turkey, and put it by her feet.
And let's get them [unsure of word - possibly "back"?.]
Out of sight, get back, what up Shorty? No, no way, man.
This is how it went.
It went like this.
Was a time, not long ago, NLived the good life, on the road.
NBig stout house, two-car garage, NThree-piece suit, and a brand new Dodge.
But in the wink of an eye, I lost it all.
NI got some land, to grow corndogs.
NSo now I'm stuck, on this here farm.
NDone lost my mind, then I lost my arm.
Growing these dogs, for the carny trash.
NAmong other things, I'll do for cash.
NOh my demise, ain't all my fault, NBut I reap rewards that it has brought.
NBut I reap rewards that it has brought.
Did you hear that.
Guys? That was beautiful.
I miss I miss the old days, and the purple haze, and the mayonnaise, and the frickin' A's, my man.
Eating ketchup sandwiches under the Christmas tree.
Bro, I don't know if you know, but like - and if this freaks you out, just let me know, but like, Joe and me, and let me know if Joe - Oh, ha! No, you just didn't, man.
You said: Joe, let me know.
That's a rhyme on my time, biznitch.
Slap me a link and clink on, man.
Hey.
Far out.
Far out.
Out.
Man, I'm so far out, I'm crunk as a mug up in this joint, man.
Out like bizmouth.
And the planets and man sho kimshow.
All right, now.
Hey, hey- Ooooo, ooo, shout.
Hey guys, did I ever tell ya, uh, about, uh, how I got here? About how I got to be like this? One more time, Roost.
Got where to be like what? You know where.
Man, these are effing cool.
They were about 3 or 4 hundred dollars.
Happy birthday, sweetie.
This is for me? Open it.
Wow, these are cool.
Thanks.
Huh.
Um what are? Um That's not what I I, I'll get her.
Hush, hush, hush.
What are you doing here? That's my - ugh.
That was for Fitz.
Why did you take it? Leave us alone, you bastard.
Sorry, Skillet.
Let's do it.
It was just a car, man.
I mean, I left the stereo, and this guy shows up, and some guy I can't even make out his features and everything.
And he growls and growls, and next thing I know I wake up in some room painted white where there's a giant fan all spinning, and here he comes, this shapeless thing, and he comes out for me, and I can't move, and I got something sticking out of my neck, and then it paralyzes me, and then he grabs me and starts pushing me toward the fan.
Okay, here's the deal, fellas.
One of you, all of you, none of you maybe, know exactly what is going on here.
Now Mouse, you don't know what you're talking about.
Shut up.
Nobody talks.
Nobody talks until I til I figure out what I'm doing with this thing.
How does this go together? Is that thing like a rabbit or what? Dude that is totally an animal.
This is all like some kind of puke dream that I can't seem to shake the sweats from.
And everytime I turn around there's a Shark and a clock and some sort of giant eyeball thing.
Oh, I, I completely understand, dudeus.
I mean, I'm totally blown away by the eyeball man.
I mean, have I seen him? Look, eyeball, schmeyeball.
I said: shhh.
Okay now, funny thing is, I have these weird flashes, like I've been somewhere before.
Like I've been ripped from somewhere for reasons I don't understand.
Does anyone else pick that up? That understanding of rippedness? I know you do.
Does, uh, Birmingham mean anything to anyone? Does it? How bout you? You know.
I told you before, the night we got drunk.
About Muff.
So what? Well, so what is, his real name is Birmingham.
That's so what.
I think uh, I've got a lot on my mind, gentlemen.
I've got a lot on my mind and a lot of gun in my hand, so don't eff this up.
And I'm not sure when it's gonna go off.
Good god, here we go.
Mouse, mouse.
He's here.
The square businessman is here.
I called you like you asked, and don't say I didn't tell you so.
This is Rhoda isn't it? How you doin', Rhoda? Still uh, alive, I hear.
It's gonna go hard for you Rhoda.
You're not gonna like what comes next.
after credits: Mrs.
Fitz gets hit with a dart.