55 Degrees North (2004) s02e06 Episode Script
Season 2, Episode 6
1 What have you got? - Why did you become a police officer? - To protect and serve.
Well, which one does rodent control come under? - Probably both.
- They've got rats.
- Rats? - Yeah.
Ten police officers are here because of rats? - Eight and two Community Support Officers.
- They don't need us, they need a cat.
The residents think the landlord's trying to force them out.
I don't know what this comes under.
Public order offence? Health and safety? Assault? - Assault with a rat? - Well, if it is, it would be plural.
You don't want to go in there! Come on.
No light.
I think they chewed through the wiring.
- Why are you whispering? - I don't want to upset them.
- Brookes! - What? - Brookes, you're not funny.
- I didn't do anything.
Yeah, right.
I hate this.
This is not my job.
- Nicky! - What? Nicky! Thanks to BlackAmber/Sub I had a lovely time.
- Thank you for dinner.
- Pleasure.
Okay.
This is the bit I hate 'cause I'm so rubbish at it.
So, I'm gonna go.
Good night.
I'm not gonna invite you in, okay? Because we don't really know each other that well.
We'll get inside and it will be awkward and I'll feel foolish and I'll wonder if I have green vegetable or something in my teeth or if I have coffee breath and you'll think I'm a prude and I'm not a prude.
And I'll wonder whether you really had a good time and if you'll ever call us again.
I'm kissing the parent of a student I teach.
Oh, my Okay, I'd better go.
Good night.
You're far too greedy.
- How'd it go? - What are you doing up? Having a hot chocolate.
- Did you like her? - You, bed.
Did you kiss her? - Now, off to bed.
Go on, run along.
- Go on.
- Night.
- Night.
Well? Did you? I waited for an hour in the pub.
What happened? Irene didn't want to go out.
- You could have let us know.
- Ah, sorry.
Maybe another time, eh? - Tonight? - Maybes.
Well, I had a good time anyway.
Sat in the pub waiting for you to call, mobile rings, guess what happens? Why don't you just tell us, man? Save time.
Number was selected at random, general knowledge competition.
I had to answer one question.
I won.
- You won? - Don't sound so surprised.
"In what city does Real Madrid play?" - Killer question.
- It's not that hard.
It's 50-50.
It's either Real or Madrid.
Well, I hadn't heard of Real, - so I went for Madrid.
- Good call.
Yep, went with my gut.
Only got myself a free trip to Lanzarote.
- You're joking me? - No.
All I've got to do is get three people to buy a time-share holiday off us.
If I get one, it's only two.
Pretty good stuff, eh? - Too good to be true.
- That's what I thought.
You interested? Don't be daft.
- You're in early, Paddy.
- Yeah, I had some things to do.
I like the commitment.
Morning, Frank.
Sleep well? Ready? - You're bringing a book? - Yeah.
Motivational theory.
One of those "How to get people to do what you want" books.
Bloke in the shop said it's gonna be a classic.
- One chapter left, then you can borrow it.
- That's really kind of you.
Yeah.
It is.
What? It's the same theme throughout.
And that's the point of the book, kindness.
You can get people to do whatever you want by using kindness.
- And you paid for this book? - It wasn't cheap, either.
You don't need a time-share, you need sheltered housing.
Rick, you've got to resist being cynical.
That's what the book says.
- It's a negative place.
- Okay.
Listen up.
Quiet, please.
That's enough, I need your attention.
When you whisper people pay more attention.
Did you know that? It's just a myth that you've got to shout and scream.
All right, you maggots! Shut up! Yeah.
I wonder how that myth started.
Listen up for your team assignments.
Team one, Medleycott Street.
Team two, Walker.
- Team three - Community Support Officers.
- Yeah.
Brookes has got them this week.
- Oh, she must be honoured.
We just went through the team assignments .
Are you telling me you've forgotten already? Okay.
Name? You do know what your name is? She's going about this the wrong way.
- She should try kindness.
- It's just a publicity stunt, isn't it? Is it? I don't think Sergeant Brookes knows that.
Train them up for a few weeks, stick them on the street.
Makes it look like there's more police on the beat.
- Tough on crime, tough on the causes of crime.
- That's good.
Did you just make that up? Yeah, Clarky, and he's cross the government nicked it.
- They nicked it? - Read your book.
Okay, let's go.
Vans are waiting.
When you come back off your shift, - sign out on the list.
- Let's hope no one gets hurt.
Go on.
What's up with you two? Lovers' tiff? Why, are you looking for a boyfriend? Rats.
Is that an expletive for use around children? You see any children? - The Priory Street residents.
- Yeah.
- They think they're being driven out of their flats.
- By rats.
There were quite a few of them.
- Who owns the building? - An offshore company.
The residents pay rent into a Newcastle account held in the company's name.
Twenty-nine man hours were used on this.
There may be something to it.
It's prime real estate for redevelopment.
They have protected tenancies and they've rejected offers to buy them out.
Since then, the residents of three flats have left.
Three are still occupied.
They allege that they're the victims of a campaign of harassment.
So we've got victims, but no villains.
That's usually how it works until we solve it.
And because you think you're clever, you've got some brilliant idea how you're going to prove an offshore company put rats in their flats.
- You're a poet and you don't know it.
- The brilliant idea? I don't have one.
And how do we know Mickey and Minnie didn't simply like the flats because they were warm and full of cheese? Twenty-nine man hours, Cole, and you were the detective in charge.
Yeah, I agree, on the surface it doesn't look great but there is something, I don't know, sinister about it.
You think it's sinister? Oh, please, let this be good.
Well, it's just a hunch, but I'll tell you what the big clue was, and let's just pretend for a minute that Mickey and Minnie were rats and not mice, it would have to be Mickey, Minnie and about 150 of their cousins.
That's what the exterminator says he counted.
Now I'm guessing that 150 rats didn't all just text each other and say, "Come on over to Priory Street, the weather's great.
" A hundred and fifty? Somebody had to put them there.
The residents feel they're under threat.
I thought an investigation was in order.
See where it takes us.
A hundred and fifty rats.
Lucky it wasn't elephants.
- You nervous, boy? - No.
I'm nervous.
- You're not even fighting.
- I'm still nervous.
- He'll wear a helmet thing, right? - He has to.
It's the rules.
To protect his face? He has got such a lovely face.
- I wouldn't want anything to happen to his face.
- His face will be fine.
His nose? What about his nose? I wouldn't want him to end up with a nose like that.
He was born with a broken nose.
- He's going to get a broken nose, isn't he? - Look, I can't guarantee his nose.
Under 13, Super Featherweight.
What happened to your nose? Let's go, let's go.
- Flats one, three and four are empty? - Yeah.
- Cory North is the sculptor? - Flat two.
You sure the rats are gone? Yeah.
There's a question mark on the spiders and snakes.
Huh? You're kidding, right? Just following up on the other night.
Oh.
Come on in.
Sorry, place is a wee bit of a mess.
- You work in clay? - No.
Oh, that? No, it's animal fat.
Animal fat? It's human fat, actually.
I get it from a surgeon that does liposuction.
Oh, my goodness! I'm sorry.
The exterminator should have disposed of them.
No, I asked if I could keep them.
I'm doing a piece with the decomposing bodies.
Right.
So, when did the threats start? Oh, it was about three months ago, when we refused to leave.
- Are you sure they're dead? - Did they make the threats in person? It all started with phone calls, notes in the letter box.
I reported it to the police, but nobody did anything about it.
Yeah, I guess it is getting a bit fruity.
They must be dead.
When it's fully assembled, I'll seal the whole thing in plastic.
You couldn't identify them? Mr and Mrs Ciocarelli, flat six, last week they were threatened just as they came out of their car.
Can I get you guys anything to eat? No, thanks.
We've lived here 36 years and we've never had any trouble till now.
Oh, please.
When the man came up to us, it was dark.
I thought he meant to rob us.
I hurried Mama inside.
He was saying horrible things to us.
I didn't think that it might be to try and scare us off.
I just thought he meant to rob us.
Would you recognise him if you saw him again? I can't be sure.
It was dark and, to be honest, I was frightened.
If anything should happen again, if you see something suspicious, just call us.
- Java juice.
- Thank you, Rick.
That's very thoughtful of you.
It's just a cup of coffee.
Yes, but it's the thought behind it that makes it more than that.
I'm not buying the time-share.
I just want to say thank you for everything you've done when I may have forgotten to say thank you.
- Yeah, great.
Okay.
- I've finished the book if you want to borrow it.
If it doesn't have pictures in it, it's probably not for me, okay? You're not ready, are you? I'll save it for when you are ready.
Clarky, I know you mean well, but I've got to tell you, it's starting to wind us up.
It's good of you to share that with me.
Clark, I don't share things, all right? That wasn't sharing, that was telling.
Of course.
Thank you for letting me know.
What you doing? What's it about? I'm trying the practical exercise at the end of the book.
It's a difficult challenge, but I think I can do it.
- What's difficult? - A day.
A full day.
- Twenty-four hours - I know how many hours there are in a day.
When the only quality you can express to others is kindness.
How can you do your job? That's a very good question, Rick, and I want to thank you for asking it.
Okay, that's it.
I'm officially wound up.
If you're feeling this hostility because of me, I apologise, but I know that with your support, I'll be able to complete the challenge.
So, thank you in advance for your help.
- Uniform 6, respond.
- Somebody wake us up.
- I'm in a bad dream.
- Uniform 6, respond Yes, yes.
Uniform 6 to Control.
Robbery in progress at Devlin Street .
There will be support at the scene.
Over.
Priory Street.
Yeah, yeah, I understand it's owned by an offshore company.
I'm trying to find out who owns the offshore company.
Detective Sergeant Cole, Tyneside Police.
Look, can you get me the information? Yeah.
Yeah, I know they're trustees, but the trustees must have a name.
Well, who appoints the trustees? Yeah.
Yeah, can you get back to me? Cheers.
Cole.
Yeah, I was gonna call you.
No, I was.
I had a great time last night.
No, I'm not, I mean it.
Well, do you want to hang up and I'll call you, then say it? What, tonight? Yeah, cool.
I'll meet you there.
What time? Okay.
Yeah, I'll remember.
See you.
Hello, Claire.
You look nice.
How's the new house? - Business.
- Ah, right.
Miss Maxwell, how can I help you? Are you looking after the Bleakly assault? - Never heard of it.
- Well, now you have.
- Should I say yes? - Uh-huh.
Yeah, it's on my list of things.
- Why don't we speak in Russell's office? - Sir.
- What's this about? - No idea, sir.
There's a potential problem on an assault case that landed on my desk last week.
Now, I may be making too much of it.
The statute pertaining to CSOs says that a Community Support Officer can detain a suspect for up to 30 minutes while waiting the arrival of a police constable.
Detective Cole is listed as the detective in charge of the investigation.
Only recently passed on to me by - Detective Sergeant Yates.
- Should have known.
- Just take responsibility, Detective Sergeant.
- Yes, sir.
The suspect in the Bleakly assault was detained by the CSO for 64 minutes.
- Good effort.
- That was my reaction.
Technically, they were detained too long.
Now, because it's to do with a uniform-designated person, I had to inform the Chief Superintendent that there was a breach of practice.
The CSO programme is high priority for us.
I'd like to sidestep a problem if we can, Russell.
If we think that the suspect is guilty, I'm willing to go to war to protect the charge and argue the technicality.
However, depending on the attitude of the magistrate, I could lose.
And if you lose? It doesn't look good for the CSO programme, does it? We need to find out if the CID feel they have enough to get a conviction.
I'm going to have to get back to you on that, sir.
Go ahead and lose.
This CSO thing is a joke.
They're toy cops shoved down our throat by a government who doesn't want to pay to train real police officers.
It's a political expedience that puts real officers, and now obviously the criminal justice system, in jeopardy.
Send a message to the politicians and lose.
Lose big.
Lose messy.
Set a precedent.
We're all thinking it.
Come on, just say it.
Am I right, sir? The use of Community Support Officers is an important initiative, Russell.
I'd hate to see the public lose faith in it.
- I think he was being ironic, sir.
- Was I? There he goes again, sir.
Being ironic.
- Were you being ironic, Russell? - Of course you were.
Weren't you? I don't think anyone uses irony anymore, do they? Let's try not to embarrass anyone, Detective Cole.
Get back to Miss Maxwell as soon as you can.
Toy cops.
I like that.
Luger.
You got Jimmy Luger in the first round tomorrow.
That's a good draw, boy.
What does the asterisk mean next to his name? - Defending champion.
- Oh, dear.
That's not a problem.
There'll always be one of them.
Isn't he the one you said put that boy in hospital? - This is not the right time, Georgina.
- Oh, dear.
- You're not nervous, are you? - No.
- I am.
- Best draw you can get.
A good fighter in the first round.
Come on.
You have nothing to worry about.
There's no rule that says you have to turn up.
Come on.
Wait out here for the officers.
- I didn't do anything.
- You were caught red-handed, man.
- I wasn't caught red-handed.
I didn't do it.
- Here's your stuff back.
I'll speak to the CSO and the shopkeeper.
You look after the suspect.
Yep.
How are you today, sir? Yeah, yeah.
I'm all right.
Have you got a name, sir, that I may call you? George Bush.
Nice to meet you, Mr Bush.
Although the circumstances aren't great, I admit.
Now, I'm going to put some handcuffs on you.
Please tell me if they're too tight.
Is that good? You okay? You know, that's the first time I've used those handcuffs today.
I've had a lovely day so far.
It's not a bad job, really.
Every day's different.
You meet new people.
I mean, I woke up this morning and didn't expect to be meeting you and look at us, we're having a lovely chat.
Sure those handcuffs are okay? - Are you taking drugs? - No, I've never tried drugs.
I've seen what they can do to people.
It isn't pretty.
- Are you on drugs? - Do you really think I'm going to answer that? You called the police when you saw him loitering? - That's right.
- What happened then? - I chased him.
- Chased him? I love to go on walks.
Pub quizzes.
I love pub quizzes.
You don't have any hobbies, George? I'm only trying to make conversation.
Put you at ease.
You know, these kinds of situations can be very traumatising.
- Where do you like to go on holiday? - What? When you get through this phase of your life, where do you go on holiday? Have you been to Lanzarote? Why don't you go Now, that would be a good trick.
You know, hostility does more damage to the person being hostile than it does to the person they're being hostile with.
It's like a boomerang.
I had a boomerang when I was 11.
Have you ever had a boomerang? I could never get it to work.
I wonder if people play with boomerangs on the beach in Lanzarote.
- Can I just get in the car? - Yes, of course you can.
And thank you for asking.
Okay.
He's a lowlife shoplifter.
Did you get his name? - Yes, George Bush.
- George Bush? You think that's his real name? If that's what he wants to call himself, who am I to judge? I heard of one guy who named himself after the 1974 FA Cup Liverpool starting 11.
- Clarky, sometimes you're a doughnut.
- That wasn't very kind.
Give him the caution.
I'll get the CSO's details.
Hey, where's the Hey, did you see where the Community Support Officer went? No, I'm sorry.
Why, have you lost him? - Where's he gone? - We've got his details.
We can check up when we get back to the station.
- You don't have his details? - He's vanished.
Don't beat yourself up, you'll do better next time.
Will you shut up, Clark? Well, if they were better trained, they wouldn't just disappear.
I think he has a point.
The CSOs are perfectly well-trained and you know it.
You're the one that didn't bother to get the CSO's details.
- I think she has a point.
- No one's listening to you, man.
- Claire, what's up? - I mean, to not get one CSO's details is bad, but to fail to get either of their details is totally incompetent.
- You're holding the suspect downstairs? - Yes, we are.
Thank you for asking.
What do you mean, either? Are you lot trying to sabotage the CSO scheme? 'Cause it's not going to work, you know.
It's just going to make the Chief really angry.
- They work in teams of two, don't they? - There was only one.
Wasn't there, Clarky? - I only saw one.
- Why are you whispering? - You see, they are listening.
- I don't see what the problem is.
If the shopkeeper saw him stealing his goods Sergeant Astel, who was in possession of the allegedly stolen items - when you arrived? - The CSO.
They'd taken the CD player off him.
We've signed it in as evidence.
But we don't know the name of the CSO, do we? So we have no way of proving any of this.
Did the suspect confess? He said the CSO planted it on him.
Stop whispering! There's supposed to be two CSOs, that's the rules.
- That's not always the case, is it? - Yes.
Are you not listening to me? Try whispering.
In the Bleakly assault, the case where the CSO held the suspect for 64 minutes, there was only one.
Give me their name and I'll investigate.
What are we doing about George Bush? George Bush? That's too big a problem for us to solve.
The shoplifting suspect we're holding.
Look, we need to know the name of the CSO, don't we? We won't get anywhere without that.
Bail your suspect pending further enquiries.
- Great.
Well done, Brookes.
- Don't blame me.
You know, the Community Support Officers seem to be doing a more effective job than you've done, Sergeant Astel, so I really wouldn't go around blaming anyone.
She's right.
Blame is a negative response.
I just want to say thank you, Miss Maxwell, for reminding us of that.
Is he in therapy? Thank you.
The CSO on Bleakly isn't named.
No number.
Nothing.
- That's impossible.
- It is what it is.
I was so focused on the time frame, I didn't even think to check.
They work in pairs.
I have the list.
Signed out, signed in.
- The zones they're assigned to.
I know - Okay, okay.
Hold on.
We can do it this way.
George Bush was detained here.
What are the names of the CSOs assigned to this zone? There weren't any.
- Well, that's not good.
- Oh, really? Bleakly detained here.
No.
None assigned.
Okay, we have a CSO working alone in the wrong zones.
It's not looking good for me, is it? I guess I'd better tell the Chief.
It's been nice working with you.
- Okay, are we sure he was a CSO? - Oh! Oh, it gets worse.
If we're chasing an impostor, it's not the fault of the Community Support Officers scheme.
And if it's not the scheme's fault, it's not your fault.
She has to tell the Chief, Nicky.
We don't want him to hear it on the news.
So we're chasing a fake of a fake? - That's the theory.
- What is he? Some sort of vigilante? We can only speculate on the motive, sir.
- How does he know when a crime's been reported? - The CSOs have radios.
- Are all the radios accounted for? - I'll check it.
If we're right, I guess that makes it a CID matter, which is why we came to you.
- Yeah, well, get on with it, Cole.
- Right away, sir.
- I guess I'd better tell the Chief.
- It's a CID matter now.
- The DI really ought to tell the Chief.
Protocol.
- I'll take care of that.
You just keep doing the good job that you're doing, Sergeant, okay? Yes, boss.
Um, can Can I see you both in my office? What did we do now? So what do you want to do about it? - About what? - Sergeant Brookes? Check the radios? I just witnessed a blatant act of sexual harassment.
So did Detective Sergeant Cole.
Do you want to make a formal complaint? - What did I miss? - He patted you on the derriére.
She can make anything sound posh.
- Who? - Bing.
- When? - Just before you left his office! Oh, that! I think he was just trying to be encouraging.
- Encouraging? - Yeah.
Did you think it was something else? Yeah, it's demeaning for a woman to be treated like that.
- Is it? - Yes, it is.
No.
He isn't being demeaning.
He fancies me.
- He fancies you? - Yeah.
- Why shouldn't he? - No reason.
- You jealous? - Look, you two, I don't care who he fancies.
It's just that that kind of behaviour denigrates all women who work here.
- I think you need to lighten up.
- No.
I think you have a responsibility to all the other women who work here to report that kind of behaviour.
It was my bottom he patted.
I'll decide if it was demeaning or denigrating, or any other "d" word you can drag up.
- Derriére.
- Okay? You want to worry about all womankind, knock yourself out.
- I can't believe I didn't see that.
- I know.
He did it right in front of you.
No, not that.
I saw that.
I mean the fact that he fancies her.
Why would you be jealous? - I'm not jealous.
- Why would she think you might be jealous? - She's obviously delusional.
- Oh, well, obviously.
I mean, come on.
- Patting someone on the - Derriére.
Doesn't mean you fancy them.
I mean, not in the work place.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Maybe you're right.
See you later.
We can meet at the pub tonight if you want.
Yeah, maybe.
I'm meant to meet up with Irene.
- She can come, too.
- Yeah, maybe.
I just want to say thank you for keeping this room so tidy.
We don't pay enough attention to the people behind the scenes that support us.
- Do we? - Yeah, thanks.
No problem.
You're welcome.
See? Didn't that make you feel good? - You know, making him feel good? - No, not really.
Another hour pen-pushing.
The CSOs are on the beat screwing things up while we're in the office doing paperwork.
Tell you, the whole thing is barse ackwards.
"Barse ackwards.
" That's clever of you.
- It's not that clever.
- Yeah, I agree with you there.
All right, Nicky.
Nice to see you.
- We just saw each other.
- Yeah, it was still nice.
We're working on the theory your CSO's an impostor.
- Really? - Really.
If you see him again, detain him.
- After I slap him upside the head.
- Yeah.
Okay.
After that.
Rick and I are going for a drink later on if you want to join us.
- No, I've got plans tonight.
- Well, guess I'll start pushing the pen.
See you.
We can hook up earlier if you want.
Where you meeting? We're not going anywhere.
Haven't told him yet .
Irene can't stand him.
Not so fast, boy.
You're training, not escaping.
Breathe deep.
Fill your lungs.
That's what your smoking does to you.
I can run faster than this.
So can I.
I remember training when I first came over.
A little older than you.
Running with a bloke I met at the gym.
A little featherweight.
He said to me, "Slow down, you run too fast.
"They'll think you nicked something.
" Didn't believe him.
Put it to the test a few days later.
I was stretched out, sprinting along Clapham Common south side.
Ten minutes into my run, two police cars pull over and stop me.
My friend laughed for weeks! You must have felt stupid.
More angry than stupid that time.
- Everyone knows that.
- What? - Were you running during the day? - Yeah.
You never run, not after you've nicked something in daylight.
When you shoplift, you never run, you walk.
You don't want to bring attention to yourself, do you? - Give me ten step-ups on this bench.
- Ten? Get on with it! Sometimes, if you're in a team, one person runs, but never the person who's been doing the stealing.
That way they chase him and you just walk away.
I don't need to know this.
That's just it.
You did need to know it.
If you knew, your friend wouldn't have laughed.
Thieving was never part of my upbringing.
If it was, you would have knew that.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
You were pretty stupid.
All right, give me ten more! You're joking me? I'm too stupid to be joking.
Get on with it! Do it with your hands up like this.
Georgina wants to keep your nose in one piece.
Tell me something, boy, you don't steal anymore, do you? All right, give me 20 more! Twenty, twenty.
Come on, come on.
Yates.
I'll call you back.
What sort of a department are you running? I was about to call you about the CSO.
We think we've got a rogue.
I've got Cole on it.
This is not about the CSO.
- What's that about? - No idea.
Frank? You like looking at pictures of naked women, Frank? - As much as the next guy.
- What do you think you're doing? Fill me in, boss.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I'm trying really hard, Frank, to stop Professional Standards from getting involved so don't be cute.
What's the problem? You download smut onto your computer and send it to the Chief Superintendent and the Chief Constable.
No, no.
I didn't.
The IT blokes traced it back to your IP address.
Anybody could have used my computer.
There's women working in this building, Frank.
The world's changed.
You can't be doing this anymore.
I didn't do it before and I didn't do it now.
And I wouldn't risk my career for a prank.
Nobody else thinks it's a prank.
You're going to have to apologise to the Chief and just hope for the best.
I can't apologise for something I didn't do.
If you didn't do it, then who did it, Frank? I'm not having my card marked for some twisted perverted bloke who likes to sit alone in the dark.
I don't want to hear about this again, okay? Hey.
You all right? Somebody's digging a hole for me.
How's it going, Frank? It was a pleasure working with you today, Rick.
How long are you going to keep this kindness thing up? It hasn't been that hard to be honest.
If you can get through a day, you can live your whole life this way.
That's what the book says.
The rest of your life? Some people see things that are and say, "Why?" I see things that never were and say, "Why not?" - That was a quote.
- Really? I can't remember who said it, but I think it's a long way of saying, "Why not? "Why not live a life of kindness?" - So, does it work the other way? - What do you mean? If you don't make it through the day, the whole thing's off? That's a difficult one.
I think it makes sense.
So, yeah.
Yeah, okay.
Think I need to lose weight? - Well, to be honest - Go on, Clarky, be honest.
I think you're great as you are.
In fact, you're looking pretty good.
It's an honour to work with me, wouldn't you say? Someone as clever, generous and fit as I am? - Yes.
- Snap out of it, man! - I think you're ready for the book.
- I can break you, Clark.
I know I can.
Kindness can conquer anything.
- Anything? - Read the book.
We going out tonight? You, me and Irene.
That would be splendid.
I'd love to.
Oh, yes.
I think I'll love it, too.
Did you just hear yourself? Rubbing off on you.
This is it? It's nice.
They're obviously paying you too much.
No.
They could never pay me too much.
Anyway, look, it's just, you know, it's a bit more child-friendly.
Here we go.
A little house-warmer.
And after a couple of glasses, a little warmer Claire.
Ha, ha! Funny.
And if that goes well, perhaps a little butt-patting.
For encouragement.
You know, you can be really naff.
Don't even think about that.
Come on up.
Oi! Call the police.
You know very well that the place is institutionally sexist.
Institutionally sexist.
Institutionally racist.
I mean, what are we doing there? We must be masochists.
I was just trying to keep the "ist" theme going.
You know, I don't know why I bother.
Stop! Oi! Stop it! Police! Are you all right? I'll call an ambulance.
Look, I've put my mum and Emmy in a hotel tonight while I sorted things out.
- You coming in? - Just for a second.
For a second? Look, if it only takes a second, I'm going to be disappointed.
- No, I've got something on tonight.
- What? Just something.
Are you seeing that school teacher? - Just socially.
- Just socially? What does that mean? - It's no big deal.
- Well, cancel it.
- The sisterhood would not be impressed with you.
- Well, let's not tell them.
- They always find out.
- Oh, come on.
Come on, take a risk.
Find out what it feels like to be bad.
Are the guys you go with cads before you meet them, or do you train them? No, because you know very well it's very difficult to train a man.
- I must be the wrong guy.
- No.
No, you just don't know yourself well enough.
Control to November 7.
November 7.
Crime in progress, Peter Street.
Repeat location, please.
Peter Street crime in progress.
Peter Street.
On my way.
Do you have any idea how frustrating this is? Yeah.
How much they pay you, Paddy? What are you doing here? What is it? Retainer, monthly sub or a one-off? What you talking about? If I'm being generous, I guess it could be that you took it once and now you can't get out from under it.
Is that what happened? You're out of your mind.
You're too clever to make a procedural mistake, Paddy.
That happens because you allow it to happen.
Because it has to happen.
Suspects go free.
If you're making an accusation, make it formal.
How much is involved? It can't be cheap.
You wouldn't tumble for tuppence.
Make an accusation, Frank, see how far you get.
What, are you greedy? What you saying? I think you better go, Frank, before you embarrass yourself.
- Are you sure there were two? - Yeah, there was two.
- Did they say anything to you? - Yes, some rather offensive things, yes.
One of them said it was our fault we didn't listen.
That we brought it on ourselves.
And they said they'd be back.
- Who called the police? - Mr Ciocarelli.
Jesus! Oh, my God.
No, no, I'm fine.
I'm all right.
Please leave me.
The strain's getting to all of us, man.
If the police didn't arrive when they did, I don't know what would have happened.
It wasn't the police, it was a Community Support Officer.
How do you know it was CSO? It's written on their back, isn't it? He stopped them.
Well, where is he? - What are you doing here? - I heard a CSO was involved.
I checked.
They're all off duty.
It's our impostor.
Well, he's been a bit of a hero.
He interrupted the attack.
They ran off.
Our impostor called the paramedics and made sure the victims were okay.
- And left? - Yeah, looks like it.
- I'm too late.
- Well, we were all too late apart from the CSO.
The Scene of Crime Officers are on their way to collect any evidence and DNA.
I wonder if you might be able to give me a description of the Community Support Officer who arrived to help you.
Are you going to be okay, Mr Ciocarelli? My wife and I, we can't live like this.
We'll find somewhere else.
Is that what we should do? Give up? It will only get worse.
- I thought about you all day.
- Me, too.
Come on, finish your drink.
We'll go back to mine.
Hey, just need to wind down.
Rick, is that not Clark? Yeah.
What a coincidence.
- You didn't invite him, did you? - Don't be silly.
Oh, make him go away.
Please.
You all right? You look great, Irene.
Very perky.
What's that supposed to mean? I'm sure he's gonna call.
I mean, he's not going to have forgotten, is he? Could I have some more bread? - I can't believe how late I am.
- Got a date? - With Bing? - A girl has to eat.
- Is it serious? - What does serious mean? It's none of your business.
You missed your chance.
Yeah, I'm always doing that.
Did you know the average mouthwash has more alcohol in it than a glass of wine? What do you mean by that? That you'd rather drink mouthwash and gargle wine? No.
You don't mean that I need a mouthwash, do you? No.
Have you just read one of those books full of useless information that renders you unable to hold a conversation that doesn't resemble a quiz show? No, I just thought it was an interesting fact.
Well, we don't know whether it's a fact, but it's certainly not very interesting.
Go on, say something.
Well I don't know if it is very interesting, but I've never seen Rick happier since he met you.
Come on, Clarky.
Say something mean.
I know you can.
Try.
They're all here.
I can't figure it out.
The CSO on Priory Street.
All within half a mile of the nick.
Cheeky little fraud winding us up on our own doorstep.
- Did you put Priory Street on the watch list? - Yeah.
We have to expect the harassments to continue.
Tell Control, any incidents, I want to be called.
I've already done it.
Right, I better go.
- Have a good time.
- I will.
- Shame, really.
- What? You can't see it when it's staring you in the face.
I don't want Bing to think I've stood him up.
Oh, no! - Well, I'll be off.
- Okay, then.
Bye.
You know, I've read about this.
Girlfriends and wives getting jealous because of a police constable's or police sergeant's partner.
- I'm not jealous of you.
- It's natural.
I mean, I spend more time with Rick than you do.
I look out for him.
He looks out for me.
I'd do anything for him.
I can understand how you feel.
You know, Rick's right.
- You are really thick.
- I never said you were thick.
Well, maybe to your face, but never behind your back.
Okay.
Sure.
Did you know that it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 17 to smile? How can you work all day with someone who's as daft as that? He's not daft.
Don't say that.
Come on, let's go.
I've got to go and make sure Clarky's all right.
Maybe you should be worried about whether I'm all right.
I'll call you tomorrow.
You're going with him and not me? I can't believe you're even thinking this.
- I work with him.
- Don't do it, Rick.
It's him or me.
Clarky! Let's get a beverage.
You didn't cover yourself in glory last night, did you? - I got really busy.
- I hope you apologised to her.
Okay.
I'm not perfect, all right.
I know you think you're sharp and all that, but handsome is as handsome does.
Yes, Errol, I hear you.
Ratty is fighting tonight at 6:00.
He'd like you to be there.
I'd like you to be there.
I hope you don't let us down.
I'll do my best.
Come on, Matty, I'll walk you.
- I don't need anybody to walk me.
- He's not walking you.
You're walking him.
- See you.
- See you.
- I tried to call you.
- I sat there for an hour.
It's pretty humiliating.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to humiliate you.
This is not making us feel better.
Look, it was a good idea at the time.
Let's just forget it, okay? We can try again.
I'll call you, yeah? Probably better if I call you.
Okay, you've got your assignments.
Let's roll! Sergeant Brookes? We're short a radio.
Yes.
You mess with me, I'll take you down.
One of us is going down, Paddy.
It won't be me.
Cole.
- Sir.
Need this.
- Big night.
- Yeah, looks like it.
How big? Big.
I mean, I'm not a teenager anymore, but you wouldn't have known it last night.
Claire.
You want to talk about it? - You think there's something to talk about? - Yeah.
Control to November 7.
Disturbance in progress, Priory Street.
Over.
On my way.
Later? Stop! Police! Fire, 127 Priory Street.
Fire Service and backup requested.
Hello? Is anybody there? Oh, Jesus! Hello? Come on! Is there anybody else in here? Come on.
Whoa, it's all right, come on.
Pete! There's a police officer inside, the community one.
- What are you doing? - I'm going to get him out of there - so I can bollock him.
- Brookes, wait for the fire service! Brookes! Police! - Where is he? - Police! You check Chipstead's flat then get out.
I'll check the old couple's.
All right.
Don't open the window! It'll pull the fire through like a chimney.
Don't I know you? Hiya.
Where's Cole and Brookes? - Have you checked in Chipstead's flat? - It's empty.
- What about the old couple? - I don't know.
Okay, Brookes.
You take him with you.
Head for the front door and get out.
Stay low, okay? - What are you going to do? - Check for the Ciocarellis in flat six.
Now, get out, go! Nicky! - Are you all right? - Yeah.
Russell, people might say something.
- All right, Nicky? - Sir.
I can be as sentimental as the next guy.
Did you mean to say guy or was that a slip of the tongue? Impersonating a CSO officer is a serious offence under the Police Reform Act of 2002 Section 46.
You need to get out more.
- Detective Cole - Don't you think you ought to go to the hospital? No, I'll be all right.
Listen, thanks for getting me out of there.
It was pretty exciting, wasn't it? Why'd you do it? Pretend to be a CSO? I just wanted to be a police officer, I suppose.
Protect and serve.
I applied to be a CSO, didn't even get an interview.
When I saw some of the people that they choose, it didn't seem fair.
I got news for you, mate.
Life isn't fair.
I've been working here four years.
I see you every day.
Nobody even knows my name.
I'm just a cleaner.
Do you know my name? Your name? Um, well, uh No, sorry mate.
What is your name? Andy.
- Hi, Andy.
- Hi.
We've got to prosecute.
There are at least three cases we cannot proceed with because of his illegal behaviour.
Yeah, and there are at least two people alive because of it.
- Russell? - You're not going to agree with her.
The two guys that left the building before the fire started, are they the same guys that assaulted Chipstead and North? Yeah.
- Are you sure? - Yeah, I took their picture.
And the car.
Same car.
Got the vehicle reg.
Russell, don't do this! Mr Frater, I'm arresting you for impersonating Oh, no, you're not.
Mr Frater is helping me with my investigation.
He's got some very important information.
Sounds good to me.
I've got photographs of suspects, vehicle and reg.
Chill.
Chill? She's already frosty.
I want you to keep your hands up.
Concentrate, okay? All right? How you feeling? - I feel like a fight.
- Good man.
Try not to get hit.
- Look, just concentrate, okay? - Is Nicky coming? You just worry about the fight.
Good luck, Michael.
He broke his nose yet? - Ah, you made it.
- Yeah.
Didn't want to be the guy that doesn't turn up.
Good man, good man.
They just stopped your suspects in the Priory Street attacks.
You go on, I'll be right behind you, yeah? If you liked chapter one, chapter two will change your life.
Yeah? That's good to know.
Come on, Ratty! Come on! Step back! Step back! Oh, there goes the nose.
Okay.
Let's roll! - Should he be wearing that? - Andy! Not until you've finished the training.
Thanks to BlackAmber/Sub
Well, which one does rodent control come under? - Probably both.
- They've got rats.
- Rats? - Yeah.
Ten police officers are here because of rats? - Eight and two Community Support Officers.
- They don't need us, they need a cat.
The residents think the landlord's trying to force them out.
I don't know what this comes under.
Public order offence? Health and safety? Assault? - Assault with a rat? - Well, if it is, it would be plural.
You don't want to go in there! Come on.
No light.
I think they chewed through the wiring.
- Why are you whispering? - I don't want to upset them.
- Brookes! - What? - Brookes, you're not funny.
- I didn't do anything.
Yeah, right.
I hate this.
This is not my job.
- Nicky! - What? Nicky! Thanks to BlackAmber/Sub I had a lovely time.
- Thank you for dinner.
- Pleasure.
Okay.
This is the bit I hate 'cause I'm so rubbish at it.
So, I'm gonna go.
Good night.
I'm not gonna invite you in, okay? Because we don't really know each other that well.
We'll get inside and it will be awkward and I'll feel foolish and I'll wonder if I have green vegetable or something in my teeth or if I have coffee breath and you'll think I'm a prude and I'm not a prude.
And I'll wonder whether you really had a good time and if you'll ever call us again.
I'm kissing the parent of a student I teach.
Oh, my Okay, I'd better go.
Good night.
You're far too greedy.
- How'd it go? - What are you doing up? Having a hot chocolate.
- Did you like her? - You, bed.
Did you kiss her? - Now, off to bed.
Go on, run along.
- Go on.
- Night.
- Night.
Well? Did you? I waited for an hour in the pub.
What happened? Irene didn't want to go out.
- You could have let us know.
- Ah, sorry.
Maybe another time, eh? - Tonight? - Maybes.
Well, I had a good time anyway.
Sat in the pub waiting for you to call, mobile rings, guess what happens? Why don't you just tell us, man? Save time.
Number was selected at random, general knowledge competition.
I had to answer one question.
I won.
- You won? - Don't sound so surprised.
"In what city does Real Madrid play?" - Killer question.
- It's not that hard.
It's 50-50.
It's either Real or Madrid.
Well, I hadn't heard of Real, - so I went for Madrid.
- Good call.
Yep, went with my gut.
Only got myself a free trip to Lanzarote.
- You're joking me? - No.
All I've got to do is get three people to buy a time-share holiday off us.
If I get one, it's only two.
Pretty good stuff, eh? - Too good to be true.
- That's what I thought.
You interested? Don't be daft.
- You're in early, Paddy.
- Yeah, I had some things to do.
I like the commitment.
Morning, Frank.
Sleep well? Ready? - You're bringing a book? - Yeah.
Motivational theory.
One of those "How to get people to do what you want" books.
Bloke in the shop said it's gonna be a classic.
- One chapter left, then you can borrow it.
- That's really kind of you.
Yeah.
It is.
What? It's the same theme throughout.
And that's the point of the book, kindness.
You can get people to do whatever you want by using kindness.
- And you paid for this book? - It wasn't cheap, either.
You don't need a time-share, you need sheltered housing.
Rick, you've got to resist being cynical.
That's what the book says.
- It's a negative place.
- Okay.
Listen up.
Quiet, please.
That's enough, I need your attention.
When you whisper people pay more attention.
Did you know that? It's just a myth that you've got to shout and scream.
All right, you maggots! Shut up! Yeah.
I wonder how that myth started.
Listen up for your team assignments.
Team one, Medleycott Street.
Team two, Walker.
- Team three - Community Support Officers.
- Yeah.
Brookes has got them this week.
- Oh, she must be honoured.
We just went through the team assignments .
Are you telling me you've forgotten already? Okay.
Name? You do know what your name is? She's going about this the wrong way.
- She should try kindness.
- It's just a publicity stunt, isn't it? Is it? I don't think Sergeant Brookes knows that.
Train them up for a few weeks, stick them on the street.
Makes it look like there's more police on the beat.
- Tough on crime, tough on the causes of crime.
- That's good.
Did you just make that up? Yeah, Clarky, and he's cross the government nicked it.
- They nicked it? - Read your book.
Okay, let's go.
Vans are waiting.
When you come back off your shift, - sign out on the list.
- Let's hope no one gets hurt.
Go on.
What's up with you two? Lovers' tiff? Why, are you looking for a boyfriend? Rats.
Is that an expletive for use around children? You see any children? - The Priory Street residents.
- Yeah.
- They think they're being driven out of their flats.
- By rats.
There were quite a few of them.
- Who owns the building? - An offshore company.
The residents pay rent into a Newcastle account held in the company's name.
Twenty-nine man hours were used on this.
There may be something to it.
It's prime real estate for redevelopment.
They have protected tenancies and they've rejected offers to buy them out.
Since then, the residents of three flats have left.
Three are still occupied.
They allege that they're the victims of a campaign of harassment.
So we've got victims, but no villains.
That's usually how it works until we solve it.
And because you think you're clever, you've got some brilliant idea how you're going to prove an offshore company put rats in their flats.
- You're a poet and you don't know it.
- The brilliant idea? I don't have one.
And how do we know Mickey and Minnie didn't simply like the flats because they were warm and full of cheese? Twenty-nine man hours, Cole, and you were the detective in charge.
Yeah, I agree, on the surface it doesn't look great but there is something, I don't know, sinister about it.
You think it's sinister? Oh, please, let this be good.
Well, it's just a hunch, but I'll tell you what the big clue was, and let's just pretend for a minute that Mickey and Minnie were rats and not mice, it would have to be Mickey, Minnie and about 150 of their cousins.
That's what the exterminator says he counted.
Now I'm guessing that 150 rats didn't all just text each other and say, "Come on over to Priory Street, the weather's great.
" A hundred and fifty? Somebody had to put them there.
The residents feel they're under threat.
I thought an investigation was in order.
See where it takes us.
A hundred and fifty rats.
Lucky it wasn't elephants.
- You nervous, boy? - No.
I'm nervous.
- You're not even fighting.
- I'm still nervous.
- He'll wear a helmet thing, right? - He has to.
It's the rules.
To protect his face? He has got such a lovely face.
- I wouldn't want anything to happen to his face.
- His face will be fine.
His nose? What about his nose? I wouldn't want him to end up with a nose like that.
He was born with a broken nose.
- He's going to get a broken nose, isn't he? - Look, I can't guarantee his nose.
Under 13, Super Featherweight.
What happened to your nose? Let's go, let's go.
- Flats one, three and four are empty? - Yeah.
- Cory North is the sculptor? - Flat two.
You sure the rats are gone? Yeah.
There's a question mark on the spiders and snakes.
Huh? You're kidding, right? Just following up on the other night.
Oh.
Come on in.
Sorry, place is a wee bit of a mess.
- You work in clay? - No.
Oh, that? No, it's animal fat.
Animal fat? It's human fat, actually.
I get it from a surgeon that does liposuction.
Oh, my goodness! I'm sorry.
The exterminator should have disposed of them.
No, I asked if I could keep them.
I'm doing a piece with the decomposing bodies.
Right.
So, when did the threats start? Oh, it was about three months ago, when we refused to leave.
- Are you sure they're dead? - Did they make the threats in person? It all started with phone calls, notes in the letter box.
I reported it to the police, but nobody did anything about it.
Yeah, I guess it is getting a bit fruity.
They must be dead.
When it's fully assembled, I'll seal the whole thing in plastic.
You couldn't identify them? Mr and Mrs Ciocarelli, flat six, last week they were threatened just as they came out of their car.
Can I get you guys anything to eat? No, thanks.
We've lived here 36 years and we've never had any trouble till now.
Oh, please.
When the man came up to us, it was dark.
I thought he meant to rob us.
I hurried Mama inside.
He was saying horrible things to us.
I didn't think that it might be to try and scare us off.
I just thought he meant to rob us.
Would you recognise him if you saw him again? I can't be sure.
It was dark and, to be honest, I was frightened.
If anything should happen again, if you see something suspicious, just call us.
- Java juice.
- Thank you, Rick.
That's very thoughtful of you.
It's just a cup of coffee.
Yes, but it's the thought behind it that makes it more than that.
I'm not buying the time-share.
I just want to say thank you for everything you've done when I may have forgotten to say thank you.
- Yeah, great.
Okay.
- I've finished the book if you want to borrow it.
If it doesn't have pictures in it, it's probably not for me, okay? You're not ready, are you? I'll save it for when you are ready.
Clarky, I know you mean well, but I've got to tell you, it's starting to wind us up.
It's good of you to share that with me.
Clark, I don't share things, all right? That wasn't sharing, that was telling.
Of course.
Thank you for letting me know.
What you doing? What's it about? I'm trying the practical exercise at the end of the book.
It's a difficult challenge, but I think I can do it.
- What's difficult? - A day.
A full day.
- Twenty-four hours - I know how many hours there are in a day.
When the only quality you can express to others is kindness.
How can you do your job? That's a very good question, Rick, and I want to thank you for asking it.
Okay, that's it.
I'm officially wound up.
If you're feeling this hostility because of me, I apologise, but I know that with your support, I'll be able to complete the challenge.
So, thank you in advance for your help.
- Uniform 6, respond.
- Somebody wake us up.
- I'm in a bad dream.
- Uniform 6, respond Yes, yes.
Uniform 6 to Control.
Robbery in progress at Devlin Street .
There will be support at the scene.
Over.
Priory Street.
Yeah, yeah, I understand it's owned by an offshore company.
I'm trying to find out who owns the offshore company.
Detective Sergeant Cole, Tyneside Police.
Look, can you get me the information? Yeah.
Yeah, I know they're trustees, but the trustees must have a name.
Well, who appoints the trustees? Yeah.
Yeah, can you get back to me? Cheers.
Cole.
Yeah, I was gonna call you.
No, I was.
I had a great time last night.
No, I'm not, I mean it.
Well, do you want to hang up and I'll call you, then say it? What, tonight? Yeah, cool.
I'll meet you there.
What time? Okay.
Yeah, I'll remember.
See you.
Hello, Claire.
You look nice.
How's the new house? - Business.
- Ah, right.
Miss Maxwell, how can I help you? Are you looking after the Bleakly assault? - Never heard of it.
- Well, now you have.
- Should I say yes? - Uh-huh.
Yeah, it's on my list of things.
- Why don't we speak in Russell's office? - Sir.
- What's this about? - No idea, sir.
There's a potential problem on an assault case that landed on my desk last week.
Now, I may be making too much of it.
The statute pertaining to CSOs says that a Community Support Officer can detain a suspect for up to 30 minutes while waiting the arrival of a police constable.
Detective Cole is listed as the detective in charge of the investigation.
Only recently passed on to me by - Detective Sergeant Yates.
- Should have known.
- Just take responsibility, Detective Sergeant.
- Yes, sir.
The suspect in the Bleakly assault was detained by the CSO for 64 minutes.
- Good effort.
- That was my reaction.
Technically, they were detained too long.
Now, because it's to do with a uniform-designated person, I had to inform the Chief Superintendent that there was a breach of practice.
The CSO programme is high priority for us.
I'd like to sidestep a problem if we can, Russell.
If we think that the suspect is guilty, I'm willing to go to war to protect the charge and argue the technicality.
However, depending on the attitude of the magistrate, I could lose.
And if you lose? It doesn't look good for the CSO programme, does it? We need to find out if the CID feel they have enough to get a conviction.
I'm going to have to get back to you on that, sir.
Go ahead and lose.
This CSO thing is a joke.
They're toy cops shoved down our throat by a government who doesn't want to pay to train real police officers.
It's a political expedience that puts real officers, and now obviously the criminal justice system, in jeopardy.
Send a message to the politicians and lose.
Lose big.
Lose messy.
Set a precedent.
We're all thinking it.
Come on, just say it.
Am I right, sir? The use of Community Support Officers is an important initiative, Russell.
I'd hate to see the public lose faith in it.
- I think he was being ironic, sir.
- Was I? There he goes again, sir.
Being ironic.
- Were you being ironic, Russell? - Of course you were.
Weren't you? I don't think anyone uses irony anymore, do they? Let's try not to embarrass anyone, Detective Cole.
Get back to Miss Maxwell as soon as you can.
Toy cops.
I like that.
Luger.
You got Jimmy Luger in the first round tomorrow.
That's a good draw, boy.
What does the asterisk mean next to his name? - Defending champion.
- Oh, dear.
That's not a problem.
There'll always be one of them.
Isn't he the one you said put that boy in hospital? - This is not the right time, Georgina.
- Oh, dear.
- You're not nervous, are you? - No.
- I am.
- Best draw you can get.
A good fighter in the first round.
Come on.
You have nothing to worry about.
There's no rule that says you have to turn up.
Come on.
Wait out here for the officers.
- I didn't do anything.
- You were caught red-handed, man.
- I wasn't caught red-handed.
I didn't do it.
- Here's your stuff back.
I'll speak to the CSO and the shopkeeper.
You look after the suspect.
Yep.
How are you today, sir? Yeah, yeah.
I'm all right.
Have you got a name, sir, that I may call you? George Bush.
Nice to meet you, Mr Bush.
Although the circumstances aren't great, I admit.
Now, I'm going to put some handcuffs on you.
Please tell me if they're too tight.
Is that good? You okay? You know, that's the first time I've used those handcuffs today.
I've had a lovely day so far.
It's not a bad job, really.
Every day's different.
You meet new people.
I mean, I woke up this morning and didn't expect to be meeting you and look at us, we're having a lovely chat.
Sure those handcuffs are okay? - Are you taking drugs? - No, I've never tried drugs.
I've seen what they can do to people.
It isn't pretty.
- Are you on drugs? - Do you really think I'm going to answer that? You called the police when you saw him loitering? - That's right.
- What happened then? - I chased him.
- Chased him? I love to go on walks.
Pub quizzes.
I love pub quizzes.
You don't have any hobbies, George? I'm only trying to make conversation.
Put you at ease.
You know, these kinds of situations can be very traumatising.
- Where do you like to go on holiday? - What? When you get through this phase of your life, where do you go on holiday? Have you been to Lanzarote? Why don't you go Now, that would be a good trick.
You know, hostility does more damage to the person being hostile than it does to the person they're being hostile with.
It's like a boomerang.
I had a boomerang when I was 11.
Have you ever had a boomerang? I could never get it to work.
I wonder if people play with boomerangs on the beach in Lanzarote.
- Can I just get in the car? - Yes, of course you can.
And thank you for asking.
Okay.
He's a lowlife shoplifter.
Did you get his name? - Yes, George Bush.
- George Bush? You think that's his real name? If that's what he wants to call himself, who am I to judge? I heard of one guy who named himself after the 1974 FA Cup Liverpool starting 11.
- Clarky, sometimes you're a doughnut.
- That wasn't very kind.
Give him the caution.
I'll get the CSO's details.
Hey, where's the Hey, did you see where the Community Support Officer went? No, I'm sorry.
Why, have you lost him? - Where's he gone? - We've got his details.
We can check up when we get back to the station.
- You don't have his details? - He's vanished.
Don't beat yourself up, you'll do better next time.
Will you shut up, Clark? Well, if they were better trained, they wouldn't just disappear.
I think he has a point.
The CSOs are perfectly well-trained and you know it.
You're the one that didn't bother to get the CSO's details.
- I think she has a point.
- No one's listening to you, man.
- Claire, what's up? - I mean, to not get one CSO's details is bad, but to fail to get either of their details is totally incompetent.
- You're holding the suspect downstairs? - Yes, we are.
Thank you for asking.
What do you mean, either? Are you lot trying to sabotage the CSO scheme? 'Cause it's not going to work, you know.
It's just going to make the Chief really angry.
- They work in teams of two, don't they? - There was only one.
Wasn't there, Clarky? - I only saw one.
- Why are you whispering? - You see, they are listening.
- I don't see what the problem is.
If the shopkeeper saw him stealing his goods Sergeant Astel, who was in possession of the allegedly stolen items - when you arrived? - The CSO.
They'd taken the CD player off him.
We've signed it in as evidence.
But we don't know the name of the CSO, do we? So we have no way of proving any of this.
Did the suspect confess? He said the CSO planted it on him.
Stop whispering! There's supposed to be two CSOs, that's the rules.
- That's not always the case, is it? - Yes.
Are you not listening to me? Try whispering.
In the Bleakly assault, the case where the CSO held the suspect for 64 minutes, there was only one.
Give me their name and I'll investigate.
What are we doing about George Bush? George Bush? That's too big a problem for us to solve.
The shoplifting suspect we're holding.
Look, we need to know the name of the CSO, don't we? We won't get anywhere without that.
Bail your suspect pending further enquiries.
- Great.
Well done, Brookes.
- Don't blame me.
You know, the Community Support Officers seem to be doing a more effective job than you've done, Sergeant Astel, so I really wouldn't go around blaming anyone.
She's right.
Blame is a negative response.
I just want to say thank you, Miss Maxwell, for reminding us of that.
Is he in therapy? Thank you.
The CSO on Bleakly isn't named.
No number.
Nothing.
- That's impossible.
- It is what it is.
I was so focused on the time frame, I didn't even think to check.
They work in pairs.
I have the list.
Signed out, signed in.
- The zones they're assigned to.
I know - Okay, okay.
Hold on.
We can do it this way.
George Bush was detained here.
What are the names of the CSOs assigned to this zone? There weren't any.
- Well, that's not good.
- Oh, really? Bleakly detained here.
No.
None assigned.
Okay, we have a CSO working alone in the wrong zones.
It's not looking good for me, is it? I guess I'd better tell the Chief.
It's been nice working with you.
- Okay, are we sure he was a CSO? - Oh! Oh, it gets worse.
If we're chasing an impostor, it's not the fault of the Community Support Officers scheme.
And if it's not the scheme's fault, it's not your fault.
She has to tell the Chief, Nicky.
We don't want him to hear it on the news.
So we're chasing a fake of a fake? - That's the theory.
- What is he? Some sort of vigilante? We can only speculate on the motive, sir.
- How does he know when a crime's been reported? - The CSOs have radios.
- Are all the radios accounted for? - I'll check it.
If we're right, I guess that makes it a CID matter, which is why we came to you.
- Yeah, well, get on with it, Cole.
- Right away, sir.
- I guess I'd better tell the Chief.
- It's a CID matter now.
- The DI really ought to tell the Chief.
Protocol.
- I'll take care of that.
You just keep doing the good job that you're doing, Sergeant, okay? Yes, boss.
Um, can Can I see you both in my office? What did we do now? So what do you want to do about it? - About what? - Sergeant Brookes? Check the radios? I just witnessed a blatant act of sexual harassment.
So did Detective Sergeant Cole.
Do you want to make a formal complaint? - What did I miss? - He patted you on the derriére.
She can make anything sound posh.
- Who? - Bing.
- When? - Just before you left his office! Oh, that! I think he was just trying to be encouraging.
- Encouraging? - Yeah.
Did you think it was something else? Yeah, it's demeaning for a woman to be treated like that.
- Is it? - Yes, it is.
No.
He isn't being demeaning.
He fancies me.
- He fancies you? - Yeah.
- Why shouldn't he? - No reason.
- You jealous? - Look, you two, I don't care who he fancies.
It's just that that kind of behaviour denigrates all women who work here.
- I think you need to lighten up.
- No.
I think you have a responsibility to all the other women who work here to report that kind of behaviour.
It was my bottom he patted.
I'll decide if it was demeaning or denigrating, or any other "d" word you can drag up.
- Derriére.
- Okay? You want to worry about all womankind, knock yourself out.
- I can't believe I didn't see that.
- I know.
He did it right in front of you.
No, not that.
I saw that.
I mean the fact that he fancies her.
Why would you be jealous? - I'm not jealous.
- Why would she think you might be jealous? - She's obviously delusional.
- Oh, well, obviously.
I mean, come on.
- Patting someone on the - Derriére.
Doesn't mean you fancy them.
I mean, not in the work place.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Maybe you're right.
See you later.
We can meet at the pub tonight if you want.
Yeah, maybe.
I'm meant to meet up with Irene.
- She can come, too.
- Yeah, maybe.
I just want to say thank you for keeping this room so tidy.
We don't pay enough attention to the people behind the scenes that support us.
- Do we? - Yeah, thanks.
No problem.
You're welcome.
See? Didn't that make you feel good? - You know, making him feel good? - No, not really.
Another hour pen-pushing.
The CSOs are on the beat screwing things up while we're in the office doing paperwork.
Tell you, the whole thing is barse ackwards.
"Barse ackwards.
" That's clever of you.
- It's not that clever.
- Yeah, I agree with you there.
All right, Nicky.
Nice to see you.
- We just saw each other.
- Yeah, it was still nice.
We're working on the theory your CSO's an impostor.
- Really? - Really.
If you see him again, detain him.
- After I slap him upside the head.
- Yeah.
Okay.
After that.
Rick and I are going for a drink later on if you want to join us.
- No, I've got plans tonight.
- Well, guess I'll start pushing the pen.
See you.
We can hook up earlier if you want.
Where you meeting? We're not going anywhere.
Haven't told him yet .
Irene can't stand him.
Not so fast, boy.
You're training, not escaping.
Breathe deep.
Fill your lungs.
That's what your smoking does to you.
I can run faster than this.
So can I.
I remember training when I first came over.
A little older than you.
Running with a bloke I met at the gym.
A little featherweight.
He said to me, "Slow down, you run too fast.
"They'll think you nicked something.
" Didn't believe him.
Put it to the test a few days later.
I was stretched out, sprinting along Clapham Common south side.
Ten minutes into my run, two police cars pull over and stop me.
My friend laughed for weeks! You must have felt stupid.
More angry than stupid that time.
- Everyone knows that.
- What? - Were you running during the day? - Yeah.
You never run, not after you've nicked something in daylight.
When you shoplift, you never run, you walk.
You don't want to bring attention to yourself, do you? - Give me ten step-ups on this bench.
- Ten? Get on with it! Sometimes, if you're in a team, one person runs, but never the person who's been doing the stealing.
That way they chase him and you just walk away.
I don't need to know this.
That's just it.
You did need to know it.
If you knew, your friend wouldn't have laughed.
Thieving was never part of my upbringing.
If it was, you would have knew that.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
You were pretty stupid.
All right, give me ten more! You're joking me? I'm too stupid to be joking.
Get on with it! Do it with your hands up like this.
Georgina wants to keep your nose in one piece.
Tell me something, boy, you don't steal anymore, do you? All right, give me 20 more! Twenty, twenty.
Come on, come on.
Yates.
I'll call you back.
What sort of a department are you running? I was about to call you about the CSO.
We think we've got a rogue.
I've got Cole on it.
This is not about the CSO.
- What's that about? - No idea.
Frank? You like looking at pictures of naked women, Frank? - As much as the next guy.
- What do you think you're doing? Fill me in, boss.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I'm trying really hard, Frank, to stop Professional Standards from getting involved so don't be cute.
What's the problem? You download smut onto your computer and send it to the Chief Superintendent and the Chief Constable.
No, no.
I didn't.
The IT blokes traced it back to your IP address.
Anybody could have used my computer.
There's women working in this building, Frank.
The world's changed.
You can't be doing this anymore.
I didn't do it before and I didn't do it now.
And I wouldn't risk my career for a prank.
Nobody else thinks it's a prank.
You're going to have to apologise to the Chief and just hope for the best.
I can't apologise for something I didn't do.
If you didn't do it, then who did it, Frank? I'm not having my card marked for some twisted perverted bloke who likes to sit alone in the dark.
I don't want to hear about this again, okay? Hey.
You all right? Somebody's digging a hole for me.
How's it going, Frank? It was a pleasure working with you today, Rick.
How long are you going to keep this kindness thing up? It hasn't been that hard to be honest.
If you can get through a day, you can live your whole life this way.
That's what the book says.
The rest of your life? Some people see things that are and say, "Why?" I see things that never were and say, "Why not?" - That was a quote.
- Really? I can't remember who said it, but I think it's a long way of saying, "Why not? "Why not live a life of kindness?" - So, does it work the other way? - What do you mean? If you don't make it through the day, the whole thing's off? That's a difficult one.
I think it makes sense.
So, yeah.
Yeah, okay.
Think I need to lose weight? - Well, to be honest - Go on, Clarky, be honest.
I think you're great as you are.
In fact, you're looking pretty good.
It's an honour to work with me, wouldn't you say? Someone as clever, generous and fit as I am? - Yes.
- Snap out of it, man! - I think you're ready for the book.
- I can break you, Clark.
I know I can.
Kindness can conquer anything.
- Anything? - Read the book.
We going out tonight? You, me and Irene.
That would be splendid.
I'd love to.
Oh, yes.
I think I'll love it, too.
Did you just hear yourself? Rubbing off on you.
This is it? It's nice.
They're obviously paying you too much.
No.
They could never pay me too much.
Anyway, look, it's just, you know, it's a bit more child-friendly.
Here we go.
A little house-warmer.
And after a couple of glasses, a little warmer Claire.
Ha, ha! Funny.
And if that goes well, perhaps a little butt-patting.
For encouragement.
You know, you can be really naff.
Don't even think about that.
Come on up.
Oi! Call the police.
You know very well that the place is institutionally sexist.
Institutionally sexist.
Institutionally racist.
I mean, what are we doing there? We must be masochists.
I was just trying to keep the "ist" theme going.
You know, I don't know why I bother.
Stop! Oi! Stop it! Police! Are you all right? I'll call an ambulance.
Look, I've put my mum and Emmy in a hotel tonight while I sorted things out.
- You coming in? - Just for a second.
For a second? Look, if it only takes a second, I'm going to be disappointed.
- No, I've got something on tonight.
- What? Just something.
Are you seeing that school teacher? - Just socially.
- Just socially? What does that mean? - It's no big deal.
- Well, cancel it.
- The sisterhood would not be impressed with you.
- Well, let's not tell them.
- They always find out.
- Oh, come on.
Come on, take a risk.
Find out what it feels like to be bad.
Are the guys you go with cads before you meet them, or do you train them? No, because you know very well it's very difficult to train a man.
- I must be the wrong guy.
- No.
No, you just don't know yourself well enough.
Control to November 7.
November 7.
Crime in progress, Peter Street.
Repeat location, please.
Peter Street crime in progress.
Peter Street.
On my way.
Do you have any idea how frustrating this is? Yeah.
How much they pay you, Paddy? What are you doing here? What is it? Retainer, monthly sub or a one-off? What you talking about? If I'm being generous, I guess it could be that you took it once and now you can't get out from under it.
Is that what happened? You're out of your mind.
You're too clever to make a procedural mistake, Paddy.
That happens because you allow it to happen.
Because it has to happen.
Suspects go free.
If you're making an accusation, make it formal.
How much is involved? It can't be cheap.
You wouldn't tumble for tuppence.
Make an accusation, Frank, see how far you get.
What, are you greedy? What you saying? I think you better go, Frank, before you embarrass yourself.
- Are you sure there were two? - Yeah, there was two.
- Did they say anything to you? - Yes, some rather offensive things, yes.
One of them said it was our fault we didn't listen.
That we brought it on ourselves.
And they said they'd be back.
- Who called the police? - Mr Ciocarelli.
Jesus! Oh, my God.
No, no, I'm fine.
I'm all right.
Please leave me.
The strain's getting to all of us, man.
If the police didn't arrive when they did, I don't know what would have happened.
It wasn't the police, it was a Community Support Officer.
How do you know it was CSO? It's written on their back, isn't it? He stopped them.
Well, where is he? - What are you doing here? - I heard a CSO was involved.
I checked.
They're all off duty.
It's our impostor.
Well, he's been a bit of a hero.
He interrupted the attack.
They ran off.
Our impostor called the paramedics and made sure the victims were okay.
- And left? - Yeah, looks like it.
- I'm too late.
- Well, we were all too late apart from the CSO.
The Scene of Crime Officers are on their way to collect any evidence and DNA.
I wonder if you might be able to give me a description of the Community Support Officer who arrived to help you.
Are you going to be okay, Mr Ciocarelli? My wife and I, we can't live like this.
We'll find somewhere else.
Is that what we should do? Give up? It will only get worse.
- I thought about you all day.
- Me, too.
Come on, finish your drink.
We'll go back to mine.
Hey, just need to wind down.
Rick, is that not Clark? Yeah.
What a coincidence.
- You didn't invite him, did you? - Don't be silly.
Oh, make him go away.
Please.
You all right? You look great, Irene.
Very perky.
What's that supposed to mean? I'm sure he's gonna call.
I mean, he's not going to have forgotten, is he? Could I have some more bread? - I can't believe how late I am.
- Got a date? - With Bing? - A girl has to eat.
- Is it serious? - What does serious mean? It's none of your business.
You missed your chance.
Yeah, I'm always doing that.
Did you know the average mouthwash has more alcohol in it than a glass of wine? What do you mean by that? That you'd rather drink mouthwash and gargle wine? No.
You don't mean that I need a mouthwash, do you? No.
Have you just read one of those books full of useless information that renders you unable to hold a conversation that doesn't resemble a quiz show? No, I just thought it was an interesting fact.
Well, we don't know whether it's a fact, but it's certainly not very interesting.
Go on, say something.
Well I don't know if it is very interesting, but I've never seen Rick happier since he met you.
Come on, Clarky.
Say something mean.
I know you can.
Try.
They're all here.
I can't figure it out.
The CSO on Priory Street.
All within half a mile of the nick.
Cheeky little fraud winding us up on our own doorstep.
- Did you put Priory Street on the watch list? - Yeah.
We have to expect the harassments to continue.
Tell Control, any incidents, I want to be called.
I've already done it.
Right, I better go.
- Have a good time.
- I will.
- Shame, really.
- What? You can't see it when it's staring you in the face.
I don't want Bing to think I've stood him up.
Oh, no! - Well, I'll be off.
- Okay, then.
Bye.
You know, I've read about this.
Girlfriends and wives getting jealous because of a police constable's or police sergeant's partner.
- I'm not jealous of you.
- It's natural.
I mean, I spend more time with Rick than you do.
I look out for him.
He looks out for me.
I'd do anything for him.
I can understand how you feel.
You know, Rick's right.
- You are really thick.
- I never said you were thick.
Well, maybe to your face, but never behind your back.
Okay.
Sure.
Did you know that it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 17 to smile? How can you work all day with someone who's as daft as that? He's not daft.
Don't say that.
Come on, let's go.
I've got to go and make sure Clarky's all right.
Maybe you should be worried about whether I'm all right.
I'll call you tomorrow.
You're going with him and not me? I can't believe you're even thinking this.
- I work with him.
- Don't do it, Rick.
It's him or me.
Clarky! Let's get a beverage.
You didn't cover yourself in glory last night, did you? - I got really busy.
- I hope you apologised to her.
Okay.
I'm not perfect, all right.
I know you think you're sharp and all that, but handsome is as handsome does.
Yes, Errol, I hear you.
Ratty is fighting tonight at 6:00.
He'd like you to be there.
I'd like you to be there.
I hope you don't let us down.
I'll do my best.
Come on, Matty, I'll walk you.
- I don't need anybody to walk me.
- He's not walking you.
You're walking him.
- See you.
- See you.
- I tried to call you.
- I sat there for an hour.
It's pretty humiliating.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to humiliate you.
This is not making us feel better.
Look, it was a good idea at the time.
Let's just forget it, okay? We can try again.
I'll call you, yeah? Probably better if I call you.
Okay, you've got your assignments.
Let's roll! Sergeant Brookes? We're short a radio.
Yes.
You mess with me, I'll take you down.
One of us is going down, Paddy.
It won't be me.
Cole.
- Sir.
Need this.
- Big night.
- Yeah, looks like it.
How big? Big.
I mean, I'm not a teenager anymore, but you wouldn't have known it last night.
Claire.
You want to talk about it? - You think there's something to talk about? - Yeah.
Control to November 7.
Disturbance in progress, Priory Street.
Over.
On my way.
Later? Stop! Police! Fire, 127 Priory Street.
Fire Service and backup requested.
Hello? Is anybody there? Oh, Jesus! Hello? Come on! Is there anybody else in here? Come on.
Whoa, it's all right, come on.
Pete! There's a police officer inside, the community one.
- What are you doing? - I'm going to get him out of there - so I can bollock him.
- Brookes, wait for the fire service! Brookes! Police! - Where is he? - Police! You check Chipstead's flat then get out.
I'll check the old couple's.
All right.
Don't open the window! It'll pull the fire through like a chimney.
Don't I know you? Hiya.
Where's Cole and Brookes? - Have you checked in Chipstead's flat? - It's empty.
- What about the old couple? - I don't know.
Okay, Brookes.
You take him with you.
Head for the front door and get out.
Stay low, okay? - What are you going to do? - Check for the Ciocarellis in flat six.
Now, get out, go! Nicky! - Are you all right? - Yeah.
Russell, people might say something.
- All right, Nicky? - Sir.
I can be as sentimental as the next guy.
Did you mean to say guy or was that a slip of the tongue? Impersonating a CSO officer is a serious offence under the Police Reform Act of 2002 Section 46.
You need to get out more.
- Detective Cole - Don't you think you ought to go to the hospital? No, I'll be all right.
Listen, thanks for getting me out of there.
It was pretty exciting, wasn't it? Why'd you do it? Pretend to be a CSO? I just wanted to be a police officer, I suppose.
Protect and serve.
I applied to be a CSO, didn't even get an interview.
When I saw some of the people that they choose, it didn't seem fair.
I got news for you, mate.
Life isn't fair.
I've been working here four years.
I see you every day.
Nobody even knows my name.
I'm just a cleaner.
Do you know my name? Your name? Um, well, uh No, sorry mate.
What is your name? Andy.
- Hi, Andy.
- Hi.
We've got to prosecute.
There are at least three cases we cannot proceed with because of his illegal behaviour.
Yeah, and there are at least two people alive because of it.
- Russell? - You're not going to agree with her.
The two guys that left the building before the fire started, are they the same guys that assaulted Chipstead and North? Yeah.
- Are you sure? - Yeah, I took their picture.
And the car.
Same car.
Got the vehicle reg.
Russell, don't do this! Mr Frater, I'm arresting you for impersonating Oh, no, you're not.
Mr Frater is helping me with my investigation.
He's got some very important information.
Sounds good to me.
I've got photographs of suspects, vehicle and reg.
Chill.
Chill? She's already frosty.
I want you to keep your hands up.
Concentrate, okay? All right? How you feeling? - I feel like a fight.
- Good man.
Try not to get hit.
- Look, just concentrate, okay? - Is Nicky coming? You just worry about the fight.
Good luck, Michael.
He broke his nose yet? - Ah, you made it.
- Yeah.
Didn't want to be the guy that doesn't turn up.
Good man, good man.
They just stopped your suspects in the Priory Street attacks.
You go on, I'll be right behind you, yeah? If you liked chapter one, chapter two will change your life.
Yeah? That's good to know.
Come on, Ratty! Come on! Step back! Step back! Oh, there goes the nose.
Okay.
Let's roll! - Should he be wearing that? - Andy! Not until you've finished the training.
Thanks to BlackAmber/Sub