7th Heaven s01e01 Episode Script

[KNOCK AT DOOR.]
Come in.
- Hi.
- Hi, sweetie.
- What are we doing? - Well - Getting up.
- [KNOCK AT DOOR.]
Come in.
- Morning.
- Morning, Simon.
What are we having for breakfast? - I don't know that yet.
- OK, I'll wait.
[KNOCK AT DOOR.]
- Come in.
- Hey, what's going on? - Uh nothing, absolutely nothing.
- I'm hungry.
- Me too.
- OK, I'm up.
- [KNOCK AT DOOR.]
- Come in.
I was wondering where you guys were.
- We're all here.
- Need some help with breakfast? - No, I'll get it.
- [KNOCK AT DOOR.]
Come in.
- Hey, guys.
- Matt.
- It's Saturday.
- So? The day Mom and Dad sleep late.
GIRL: Come on, Mary, let's get some breakfast.
- Bye.
- BOY: I'll race you down the stairs.
Thanks.
[MUSIC PLAYS ON TAPE.]
Here we are.
Please, don't get up.
- May I say the blessing now? - What's the hurry? Got a date? I hope he doesn't, cos I need the car.
I thought you were gonna help me with my foul shot.
- Now, Dad? - Wait till Ruthie gets seated, please.
Now? Dear God, thank you for this food and if there really is a God, God, I know you'll find a way to get me that dog I've been wanting.
Amen.
- What? - Let me assure you there is a God, and congratulations on going over our heads to get what you want.
Good luck.
Good luck, Simon.
We'll talk about this after dinner, all right? Can't you just shoot with me for half an hour? You're ninth grade and you made varsity.
But I missed two foul shots last night.
Two.
You got time, Matt.
- I thought you guys were shooting pool.
- Dad's shooting pool.
I've got a date.
- Who are you going out with? - A senior.
A girl who's a year older than he is.
Honey, when you're Matt's age, you can go out with someone older.
It's not fair, Mom.
All the guys my age are geeks.
You know, "dog" is "God" spelt backwards.
After dinner, Simon.
Matt, I wanna talk and I wanna play pool.
- Sounds like a tough decision.
- Not really.
Here's the deal.
We play, you win, we don't talk.
Or we play, I win, we talk.
- I've never beaten you.
- I know.
Lucy, that's really nice of you to help out.
Thanks.
You look awfully grown-up these days, Luce.
I'm not a baby, you know! I want to eat in my room.
- I don't think that's a good idea.
- Fine, then.
- I gotta - No, it's OK.
You know, if we had a dog, he could eat that.
MOM: Ouch! Darn it! We could just get rid of the food the old-fashioned way and throw it out.
No, I can fix it, it's just a disposal.
- You're beautiful, you know that? - I got grease all over my face.
- You wanna see a disposal? - I'd go anywhere with you, babe.
- Here it is.
- Ah.
So you took up plumbing when you were pregnant with Simon? No, electrical and plumbing was Mary.
Simon was ethnic cooking.
- Uh-huh.
- Kinda like it under here.
You know, a dog is a lot less trouble than a baby.
You wanna talk dog with Simon or puberty with Lucy? Can I have Mom? Please, Dad, please.
- I'll be upstairs.
- OK.
[PHONE.]
Hello.
Mom, hi.
- What you doing? - Becoming a woman.
Leave me alone.
- Does standing on your head help? - Mary told me to do it.
OK.
- What's she doing? - Dad, no! [SQUEALS.]
[KEY IN LOCK.]
She's becoming a woman.
[SIGHS.]
Luce, it's your dad.
Remember me? The guy who bought you anatomically correct dolls by mistake.
Come on, we got a history of embarrassing stuff between us.
Not that there's anything to be embarrassed about.
Hey, by the way, did you start your period yet? - Cos I was once your age myself - Go away! Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.
It's just that I was the baby for a long time and I miss the individual attention.
I can get that from a dog without having to bother you so much.
- I see.
- And I would feed it and walk it, and be no trouble at all.
Simon, sweetie, the bottom line is your dad and I have talked about this, and the decision was no dog.
Lucky for me you got a mind of your own, huh? Have you lost your mind? You're gonna get caught.
I haven't yet.
Believe me, they're clueless.
Besides, I got a foolproof method.
Nothing to it.
Your game's fine.
This is about a guy, isn't it? - What if it is? - Is it? Maybe.
You got a guy.
No, I don't have a guy.
And do you know why? Cos you're too tall and guys your age are too short.
Right.
So that makes certain things kind of impossible.
- What things? - Like if I could just kiss a guy, then I could concentrate on my game.
You can kiss a guy.
Why can't you kiss a guy? You've never kissed a guy.
Well, by the time girls in my class were kissing boys in my class, - I was taller than every guy in class.
- Tall, short, who cares? It's too weird kissing a guy shorter than me.
I want to kiss a guy taller.
- Who? - There is no "who".
- Yeah, there is.
Who is he? - It doesn't matter.
The point is, I don't know where my hands go, or his hands, or my face.
Or his face, or his lips, and my lips.
And I don't want it to be awkward.
- So - So? - So I thought - You thought what? - Couldn't you just - Just what? You know, couldn't you just show me? So I could have some kind of experience.
Get out of here! - Did I hear a scream? - Afraid so.
Your turn.
Mom and Dad are dropping by tomorrow night.
- Dropping by from Arizona? - Yeah.
- Is that good? - I guess.
Does Grandma like dogs? What happened to the sea monkeys we got you? - I had nothing to do with that.
- I see.
And what about the ant farm? - They ran away.
- You dropped them.
- Still - And the goldfish? Who knows how much a fish can eat, Dad? Simon, a dog is a lot harder to take care of than all these, and you're not responsible enough.
- Dad, all that was a long time ago.
- All in the last six months.
But I'm all grown up now, I can take care of a dog.
- I swear.
- Don't swear.
Sorry, Dad.
But what if a perfectly good dog that was wandering the streets on its own, and could get killed anywhere any time by anyone, just happened to come into our yard.
Could we keep that dog? Chances are he'd have a better chance of surviving here than out on the streets.
Please, please.
You're a pretty good negotiator, you know that? So if by some great cosmic coincidence, a dog happens to come to you here at the house, fine.
But don't go looking for a dog and don't trick one into coming into the yard.
Tell your mom I'll be back in an hour.
OK, God, now all you gotta do is get a dog into the yard.
I know that you can do this.
- Don't kiss me.
- Stop! I'm not gonna kiss you.
OK, so do I touch his face with my hands? No.
Look, if anybody touches face, he touches your face.
Maybe he doesn't.
I don't know.
Do we have to do this? Yes, so just stand still.
OK, so I close my eyes, and Dad, this isn't what it looks like.
That's a relief.
Sorry.
Lucy.
Luce? LUCY: In here.
Lucy? In here.
- Hi.
- Please tell Dad to stay out of this.
Oh, honey.
He just wants you to feel comfortable talking with him about everything.
I don't want to talk, I just want to do it.
All my friends are doing it.
I'm some kind of freak.
You're not a freak.
You'll start your period.
- What if I don't? - You will.
I promise, you will.
Have you ever heard "For everything there is a season"? A time to [HUMS.]
A time to um do something or other.
The point is, you have to let nature take its course.
You can't hurry these things.
Yeah, thanks for trying, Mom.
DAD: Three ball in the corner.
Six in the corner.
And the eight off the rail.
Game.
Let's talk.
- How you doing, Eddie? - Fine, thank you.
- Can I get you boys anything? - No, thanks.
Come on.
I'll have a cup of coffee, black, and my son will have What is it you smoke? Filter? Non-filter? - Just bring whatever you have.
- I don't smoke.
- The girl I'm seeing smokes.
- I saw you smoking.
It's not like it's pot, it's just cigarettes.
Not really a good point, Matt.
So the cigarettes cost me, what, in allowance? I do pay your allowance? Yes, I do.
Twenty bucks? OK, give me twenty bucks.
I've only got twenty bucks and I've got a date.
Thank you.
You won't get far, you left the car on empty.
- I don't have all kinds of money.
- Join the club.
- Do you know how you get money? - Yeah, you get a job.
- Ah.
- I've been looking all summer.
Well, you're in luck, cos I found you one.
I figured if you had a way to earn cash, you could pay for your habit yourself.
- You're not gonna make me quit? - You think I could? Not really.
So what do you want from me? Just take the job.
And try keeping this one for a change.
- That's it? - Maybe come with us tomorrow? Not so much for me, for your mom.
- You know, your hair - Dad, I'm not cutting my hair.
No, no, I was just gonna say it looks really good like that.
[CHOIR SINGS.]
Please, God, just let a dog come into our yard today.
That's all.
And I promise I won't ever let it die, ever.
Welcome.
Welcome, everyone.
I'd like to read something from Ecclesiastes.
Most of you might have thought this is from the Byrds.
It is from Ecclesiastes.
"For everything there is a season.
" Stay here.
I guess they get enough of this stuff at home.
[CHUCKLING.]
I used that passage to comfort her about her period.
She thought you were about to tell the church.
- Why would she think that? - She's 12 and a little crazy right now.
I gotta talk to her.
Where is she? Mary's taking her jogging.
- When she gets back, I'll talk to her.
- Why are you gonna talk to her? That's what I would advise the father of any teenage daughter who's emotionally upset about the normal and wonderful process of becoming a woman.
Will you listen to yourself? - What? - You know, it's not all that wonderful.
It's also very scary and embarrassing, and awkward.
- Really? - Hello? Yes.
I think you need to take a little step backwards here.
I can't help it, she's making me nuts.
Mary wasn't like this.
Lucy's not Mary, Lucy's a lot more sensitive.
She's never gonna be like Mary and ask you to run out to the drugstore and pick up a big blue box of Slender Regulars.
Don't take away my dreams.
I'm never gonna show my face in public again.
Stop it.
Now change your clothes and come jogging with me.
It'll be good for you.
You said that about standing on my head.
- So? - So nothing happened.
I'm gonna stay in this house for the rest of my life - and become a barren old woman.
- Well, you can't, it's not our house.
It's the Church's.
Someday somebody will make you get out so you might as well just get out now.
You think the woman who left this house to the Church was insane? Maybe she's still hanging around.
- Maybe I'm possessed.
- You're not.
- You just have PMS.
- You think? Take my word for it.
Now, come on, change.
OK.
But maybe I should take something with me.
You know, just in case.
We're just gonna be running around the neighbourhood.
Still, it could happen, right? - Here you go.
- Thanks.
Maybe you are possessed.
Dad, when is Mommy gonna make us something to eat? Why don't I make us something to eat? - Cos you don't cook so good.
- Who says I'm a bad cook? No one, cos we don't want to hurt your feelings.
- Simon, want some lunch? - No, thanks.
I'm going up to the attic to see if there are any dogs wandering around.
It's Sunday and I asked God in church again.
God may not think you're responsible enough to have a dog either.
Dad, I think if there's a God, he knows me a little bit better than you do and believe me, I am plenty responsible.
OK, Simon, I hear you.
Of course, maybe if I had something to eat first, I could see further.
Dad, wait up.
- Slow down.
- This is slow.
- I can't keep up.
- Yes, you can.
- I can't do anything.
I'm a freak.
- You're not a freak, you're a lunatic.
So come on, let's go.
Come on, Lucy.
Hurry up.
I can't go any faster.
- Yes, you can.
- No, I can't.
- Jeff, I'm sorry.
- Not your fault.
- I'm sorry.
- It's not your fault.
Yes, it was.
I wasn't watching where I was going.
- Lucy, I didn't know you liked to run.
- Oh, yeah.
I was going to see Matt.
He said he got a job.
- Dad got something for him.
- Cool.
Hey, since Matt's busy and all, maybe you'd like to help me with my foul shot.
If you have time.
- So, are you coming over or not? - Yeah, sure.
Around seven.
Lucy, wait up.
Dogs can't eat peanut butter? It sticks to the roof of their mouth and they choke.
Fascinating.
- When am I due at the old lady's house? - In half an hour, and her name is Mrs Bink.
She's one of my favourite ladies in the parish, so show a little respect.
For five bucks an hour, you bet.
She needs you to run a few errands.
You can drive her '66 Mustang convertible.
- Cool.
- If you lose this job, you owe me six months of Sundays in church.
- Not gonna happen.
- All right.
Dad, you know that talk about men and women and stuff that you and Mom had with me a couple of years ago.
One of my finest moments.
Well, you and Mom might wanna have that talk with Mary.
- Think he knew it was a tampon? - Who cares? - I hate myself.
- What are you gonna do? Hide every month like some cavewoman? Yep.
And I'm gonna get out of Gym.
- Hey, do you think Jeff is cute? - Forget it! They'll never let you go out with him.
- I know.
But he's cute, isn't he? - He's not my type.
- Oh, really? Who's your type? - Prince Charles.
- But he's a snob.
- That's just his public persona.
I bet he's really sensitive and shy.
Well, he'll be single soon.
I didn't want her going around kissing some guy just to satisfy curiosity.
- We understand.
- She's kinda young to be worrying about this stuff.
She's 14.
There's nothing wrong with her wanting to be kissed.
I think we should let her go out with guys a little older and taller.
Are you kidding? You have no idea what guys my age are like.
I can't take much more of this.
I'll drive him to Mrs Bink's.
Don't forget, tonight Grandma and Grandpa are coming so I want you back home for dinner, OK? Mom, I wanna be here.
I like them, OK? How come they like your parents and not mine? Cos mine are better.
OK, listen to me.
Look.
Sit.
- OK, speak.
- [BARKS.]
Good dog.
Come on, heel.
Heel.
- Hey, man, how's it going? - Oh, fine, fine.
- So how was your date? - That's between me and her.
Just asking.
I ran into your sisters.
Mary wants me to help her later.
You're not.
No, man, you're not.
Hey, Mary.
Hey, Jeff's busy tonight.
I am? You just mind your own business.
- What's up with you? - She's my sister.
Do you understand what that means? Come on, Matt, I'll drop you off.
Hi, Jeff.
Hi.
Don't forget.
Right, Jeff? You ready? - Hey.
Can I have some of the paper? - Sure.
- Thanks.
- I've been wanting to talk to you.
- About? - Your mother and I have noticed how responsible you are and we're really proud of you, so we decided maybe we should reconsider that policy we have about you only going out with boys your own age.
- What? - Yeah.
So maybe you could go out with a guy a year or two older.
Matt told you, didn't he? - Uh - I hate him.
See you later, honey.
Where in the hell have you been? [COUGHS.]
[COUGHING.]
- Where are my cigarettes? - Sure you don't need oxygen? What? Are you trying to blow me to smithereens? I can't smoke and use this thing at the same time.
[COUGHS.]
Help me find my cigarettes, please.
Didn't you say you lost a lung? I don't believe that's any of your business, young man.
Sorry.
I thought you smoked.
- Uh Well, I - You got any on you? [COUGHS.]
- What are we doing? - Shh.
LUCY: Yes! [COUGHING.]
- Can't we go a little faster? - Not without getting a ticket.
- I'll pay for it.
- No, I can't.
- I don't want to lose my licence.
- There's a drugstore! Look, I'll give you your money back, but I'm not stopping to buy a lady with one lung on oxygen any cigarettes.
[SPLUTTERS.]
Hypocrite.
- Didn't I tell you? - You told me.
Tell me! Tell me! Hi, Daddy.
Tell him.
So Let me just ask, are congratulations in order here? Then congratulations.
This is It's a very important day.
Hey, you know what? Maybe you and Mary and your mom should go out to dinner tomorrow night and celebrate.
Just the three of you.
The women of the house.
My treat.
Hm? - Dad? - Yeah.
When Mom gets back, can you run to the drugstore for me? Not a problem.
[GIRLS GIGGLE.]
You're still up here, huh? You wanna go get some ice cream? No, thanks.
Look, maybe when you're a little older, a dog will come.
I wanted it to come today.
Simon, sometimes we don't always get what we want.
Yeah, I know, but it would be good if I did, just this one time.
Yeah.
[SIGHS.]
Go away! Come on, let me in.
- What did you do that for? - You snitch! Look, just because you can go out with older guys doesn't mean - you can go out with my friends.
- Really? - Really.
- Yeah? Yeah.
- [SNORTS.]
- [PHONE.]
- Hello? - Hi, it's Mrs Bink.
- Hey, how'd it go? - Worked like a charm.
It was the most fun I've had in years.
I'll send you the bill for the oxygen.
You do that.
And I'll call you during the week.
Thanks.
Are you sure this is the correct amount? Did you add this up? Yes, ma'am.
[DOG BARKS.]
- Dad, I quit.
- Congratulations.
- And I got fired.
- See you in church.
Honey? Hi.
I don't know what came over me.
- What are you doing? - I went to the pound, just to look.
The pound is not a good place just to look.
[MIMICS GUNSHOTS.]
[DOG BARKS.]
Uh Stay right there, don't move! Mom! Dad! Come quick! It's unbelievable! Mom! Dad! You gotta come quick, it's a miracle! Yes! There is a God! There is! I told the dog we'd see, not that it was definite, OK? I got the dog at the pound, he didn't really wander into the yard.
- So - So though I assure you there is a God, he had absolutely nothing to do with this.
Of course he did.
You think Mom would have done this on her own? Hi.
- Feel like talking? - Sure, what's up? - No, thanks.
- It's your favourite.
Well, not right now.
Is something wrong? Our son is out there on the front lawn playing with a very, very cute dog.
Isn't he cute? It's the dog we both agreed he's too young and irresponsible to have.
And I feel just a little - Angry? - Not really angry.
I wouldn't say angry.
I'm - Well, maybe a little.
- I understand.
No, don't do that.
Don't understand.
Discuss this with me.
- OK, let's discuss it.
- This is something we agreed on.
My mistake was to go into the pound in the first place but I just went in to check it out.
Where did the communication break down? When the guy told me the dog was going to be put down in 24 hours.
OK, well, just so I know.
[KNOCKING.]
- What? - I thought we were going to play - till your grandparents get here.
- We are.
- Are you coming or not? - Don't do anything stupid.
- Was that Jeff? - Yep.
He's not here for me, he's here for Mary.
Mary.
[WHISTLES.]
Jeff and Mary.
Did you know about this? - No, but I'm not surprised.
- He's too old for her.
- He's 16, two years older.
- He's an old 16.
- He's a nice kid.
- He's not that nice.
So we'll postpone our little talk with Mary.
In about two weeks she'll be interested in someone new, maybe you'll like him better.
Uh - What? - I already talked to her.
- I thought we were doing it together.
- Were we? OK, we were.
It's just I was there and she was there and it came up.
That's great.
Let's just say we're even.
Doesn't look like you have a problem to me.
- Wanna play a little one-on-one? - Sure.
- You spying on your sister? - I'm just looking out for her.
As long as that's what we're doing JEFF: Hey, I gotta go.
And this is our room.
Don't worry if Mom and Dad won't let you sleep in here at first.
They will.
- Does he do any tricks? - I don't know.
- I can show him.
- OK.
Come here, boy.
OK.
Now, watch Ruthie.
Hi, I'm Ruthie.
OK, you ready? Sit.
Wow, look at that! OK, this one's even harder.
You ready? OK, speak.
[BARKS.]
[BARKS.]
Wow! Good boy! Good boy! - What about me? - Yeah, OK, good girl, good girl.
- Thank you.
- OK, now this one's even harder.
Lie down.
OK, now roll over.
Roll over.
That's OK.
Watch.
Wow! He's a genius! What? - You're not a genius.
- Yes, I am.
- Fine, you're a genius.
- Thank you.
- So how'd it go? - Shut up.
I saw you watching us.
- You like him? - What do you care? - He's my best friend.
- So what? - Guys don't date other guys' sisters.
- Why not? Because.
Look, I just don't want you to get hurt.
- Yeah, I know.
- You're hurrying to get kissed.
I've waited 14 years, what do you want? Just slow down a little, OK? Give it a month.
If you still like him in 30 days, we'll talk about it.
- Fine.
- Really? 30 days? What's 30 more days? I've liked him since I was ten.
[HUMS TUNE.]
- Hey.
- Hi.
Matt said he'd be happy to drive to the airport and pick up your parents.
[LAUGHS.]
Really? Matt, who's had his licence for two months, doesn't mind picking up my mother and father and taking them on a thrill ride on three freeways he's never been allowed to drive on.
- No, he doesn't mind at all.
- That's really funny.
Look, I'd go with you, but I have to finish dinner.
Have I ever told you how much I appreciate the fact that you cook for seven of us almost every night.
Stop.
I am not gonna have sex with you while my parents are here.
- OK.
- But I love you.
I know, I know.
I mean, I love you too.
That's what I thought you meant.
Hey, so what happened with Mary and Jeff.
I saw you and Matt.
Sooner or later, she's going to get kissed.
Of course she is, but I don't think it's gonna happen today.
[CHUCKLES.]
- Don't forget, Dad.
- I won't, sweetheart.
I could take her after dinner.
No, it's the man's job to hunt and gather.
Even if it's just for tampons.
And for picking up parents at the airport.
Ah.
Right.
What? Where's Matt? He's probably heading for Gate Three right about now.
What? I didn't know you wouldn't want him to drive to the airport.
You know You and I have got to sit down and talk about the kids.
Set some rules we both agree on then stick to them.
OK.
Maybe tonight when we go to bed.
That'll give us something to do.
Yeah.
Not just tonight, for a few nights.
[CHATTER.]
Honey, that was outstanding.
I don't know how you do it.
It's not half as good as when you make it, but thanks.
Grandpa, can you help me fix the station wagon speakers? Again? Why don't we just replace them? Why not replace the whole sound system? Why don't you put in a CD player? I didn't notice anything wrong with the speakers.
GRANDMA: Excuse me! Why don't you and Grandpa go pick out something nice and I'll pay for it.
- All right.
- Hey, Mom, it can wait.
Sure it can.
But why not do it now? Um, Matt, could you check on Simon and Ruthie? - They're out front with the dog.
- Um, yeah, sure, OK.
So, Mom and Dad, what's up? Uh Well, we just didn't want to tell you over the phone.
I'd been feeling tired so I went for my checkup, not expecting much of anything.
And Jen, whatever it is, we'll get you through it.
- Promise.
- I'm afraid you can't.
Dear ones, I have acute leukaemia.
They have treatments for it, don't they? Oh, Annie, honey.
Dad? All they really offered were things that seemed very severe.
But you're gonna try something? Mom? Mom, you have to.
Annie, they don't give me much hope, even with treatment.
And so, frankly, I'd rather not spend my time in a hospital.
I'd rather spend it with you and Eric and the kids.
OK? Oh, Annie.
[SOBS.]
Mom.
Hey, girl, how you doing? - Isn't Happy cute? - You named her Happy? - I named her.
- Cos I let you name her.
Ruthie, you want to get Happy a cookie? - I think I know why Happy's so happy.
- Why? - Can you keep a secret? - Yeah.
I think she's gonna have puppies.
Don't tell Dad.
Mwah! [ALL SHOUT.]
[HAPPY BARKS.]