7th Heaven s01e14 Episode Script

If they're our grandma and grandpa, why do we have to call him Colonel? Your grandpa was a soldier and he is very proud of it.
- We call him Colonel out of respect.
- I thought it was out of fear.
- I'm scared of both of them.
- Why do we all have to pick them up? They only like Mom and Mary anyway.
We all pick them up because that's what we do, that's what they like.
- And your father won't do it alone.
- Bingo.
- SIMON: But they're his parents.
- Why can't we go inside? They don't like big, emotional gatherings.
Do you think they'll bring the candy? I hate the candy.
Me too.
It's as hard as a rock and it doesn't even taste good.
No one's ever finished a whole piece.
Let me set your minds at ease.
They're going to bring the candy.
We keep letting them think we love it, otherwise they'll bring something we like less.
Grandma Ruth and the colonel love us.
We are going to be just as thrilled to see them.
- I bet they all came.
- Of course.
All seven of them.
They travel in a pack, like wolves.
Have you got the candy? I checked it with the luggage.
It's too heavy.
I don't know why they love it.
It's ugly and it tastes terrible.
They go on about it like they've never seen candy.
- Those kids go on about everything.
- You see 'em over there? Would you look at those teeth? How can they have such good teeth when they eat all that candy? - They're here.
- They've spotted us.
All right, time to paste on the smiles.
- Hey, you made it.
- Hi, Grandpa.
Eric.
- Young man.
- Colonel.
Oh, and Mary.
Where's our Mary? It's good to be here.
- [LOUD MUSIC.]
- Oh! I'm rewiring the house onto a clapper system.
- I haven't got the kinks worked out.
- I'll go get that.
We never quite know when things are gonna turn on or off around here.
- Grandma, you brought the candy.
- You know how the kids love the candy.
Pass out that candy, Ruth.
Great.
Still divvying it up according to our sizes.
That's right, and you got the most.
If I'd seen all that hair, I would've brought more.
- Honey, I'm losing it.
- Mom, Colonel, you must be bushed.
Why don't I take you upstairs? - We are tired.
- Oh, very tired.
But I think we can manage to get to the room.
Oh, Annie, we were so sorry when we heard about your mother.
Yes, a fine, fine woman she was.
How's your father holding up? He's He's OK, you know.
It's just gonna take some time.
Ruth, let's remember to send Annie's father some steaks.
Right.
My parents.
Steaks and candy cure everything.
What are you waiting for? Run for your lives.
- The middle girl, what's her name? - Lucy.
Lucy, yes.
You know, she talks more than Eric does.
She went on and on about her knucklehead boyfriend the entire way from the airport.
If I get cornered again, I am going to swallow a Rockeye antiarmour bomb and throw myself out a window.
They sure push the envelope on perky.
[CHUCKLES.]
We're lucky to have Annie and Mary.
Our Mary has got enough salt to make jerky.
That Annie has always been a doer.
She's not afraid to get her hands dirty.
Yeah.
Well, they're all young yet.
They sure can use our influence.
We should think about coming more than once a year.
Forget it.
We can't afford the candy.
So you wanna tell us how to survive the next seven days? All right.
One, never make eye contact with either of them.
They see that as a challenge.
Two, keep moving.
Don't let them get a fix on you.
Three, and most important, never show fear.
I've been doing this 16 years.
The colonel and fear are like shark and blood.
He smells it.
He feeds on it.
I must be like a 12-course dinner because he scares me plenty.
- What's everybody doing in here? - Same thing you are.
I'm going to the hardware store.
I thought you may wanna join me.
- We would love to.
- Did you make a list? - Yeah, right here.
- Good girl.
- Hi.
Where are you going? - To the hardware store.
I know how much you hate the place.
I could spend time with Grandma and the colonel.
Lucy, dear, we're going to be here for a few days.
If you don't like hardware, there's no sense in going.
- We'll have time later.
- It'll give us a chance to talk.
I'll go.
That way you'll have someone to talk to.
Well, come on, troops.
Let's go.
At least I've got my Viper to think about.
- What if you don't win the rattle? - It's raffle.
- Of course I'm gonna win.
- How come? I'm the kind of kid that incredibly lucky stuff happens to.
- It's so cute.
- Cute? The Viper is not cute.
It's cool, awesome, classic, rad, bad or ultimate.
It's not cute.
Got it? Got it, locked it up, threw away the key.
Knock it off.
First time Dad met Jimmy, he didn't like him, but now he does, even though he's shy, because some people get weird out about that.
He talks to me.
Yesterday he was saying he was worried about his math test.
I think one piece should do it.
Emma, those are pretty.
I never noticed you wearing that necklace.
I haven't had it for very long.
I'm widowed.
My husband never had the money to buy me wedding rings.
So my son gave them to me about a month or so ago to kind of make up for it.
- I'm sorry about that.
- Quiet.
Look at the rings on her chain.
Mom, those look exactly like yours.
- LUCY: They do.
- I noticed.
You see, a couple of months ago, my son Matt and I were held up.
The robber took my wedding rings.
They look similar to yours, but they're not quite the same.
How terrible.
You all weren't hurt, were you? No.
No, we were just a little bit shaken up.
- We'll see you, Emma.
- Thanks.
Take care, Annie.
Annie.
You think those are your rings? I can't imagine Emma would be wearing my stolen wedding rings.
- Have you met her son? - No.
- You don't know what kind of boy he is.
- They're not mine, really.
I thought you were going to the hardware store.
Well, I did.
I had Annie drop me here.
I figured we ought to talk.
Dad, do you mind putting out the cigar? There's kinda no smoking in the church.
I'll bet God enjoys a good cigar now and again.
If he walks in and he's smoking, feel free to light yours up again.
Touché.
Eric, what happened when your sister was out here? - Is she all right? - [SIGHS.]
No, Dad, she's not.
She's an alcoholic.
But she's tough and fully committed to rehab.
- She's digging herself out.
- Tough people don't become alcoholics.
All kinds of people become alcoholics.
I suppose so.
But not people with discipline and focus.
It's a good thing you kids never tried the service.
The service was never really a dream of mine.
You are a dreamer, Eric, always have been.
I guess that's why your kids are dreamers.
- My kids are fine.
- They're not fine.
You just don't see it.
That Matt's gonna be real trouble.
He's a rebel.
Little Lucy is in desperate need of attention and approval.
Ruthie and Simon are well on their way to being spoiled rotten.
Not that they're not good kids.
It's just that I see the possibility of trouble in the future.
I know my kids better than you do.
Son, I'm sure you think you do.
But with five children you need eyes in the back of your head.
I probably don't miss as much as you think I do.
How many people are breathing in this room? - Two? - Wrong.
Three.
Young fella, I think you've got some explaining to do.
- What are you, a cop? - Colonel John Camden.
United States Marine Corps.
This is private property.
- Chill out, Schwarzkopf.
- Hi.
I'm Eric Camden, the reverend.
Nice to meet you.
I'm George, the orphan.
I talked to Joan Kleric at the orphanage.
His name really is George and he really is an orphan.
He just got returned two weeks ago from his 12th foster home.
Oh, the poor little guy.
Apparently George has figured out that at the ripe old age of nine, he isn't considered a good catch, adoption-wise.
This is the third time he's run away.
He's got guts and initiative.
But how did he wind up in your office? He was part of a kids' group that Joan brought to Sunday services.
She said the next day he asked questions about me, and that night he took off.
That orphanage is 20 miles away.
How could someone that young manage? - He must be a tough little thing.
- Survival skills, street smarts.
- He's a born marine.
- Dad, he's nine.
But I was hoping you'd feel that way.
I was wondering if it'd be OK with everybody if we kept him here.
I could bring him back Monday.
Sure.
He's as cute as can be and the kids seemed to like him.
- Mom, Dad? - RUTH: Absolutely.
Who'd notice another kid around here? I think it's a crackerjack idea.
Having him around might make everyone appreciate how easy they have it.
ANNIE: Oops.
It's a sensitive system.
It's like part hot rod, part Luke Skywalker's ship.
Yeah, I know.
And pretty soon all those parts are gonna be mine.
How are you getting one of these? - I entered a raffle at the mall.
- So? I'm the luckiest human.
It's like a superpower.
If I was a superhero, I'd call myself Luckyman.
If you were a superhero, I'd come up with a better name.
Luckyman sounds lame.
Just go to sleep and drop it.
Fine.
Good night.
[SIMON CLAPS.]
Mom and her dumb clapper system.
Good night, Luckyman.
Just drop it.
- Why are you sleeping here? - Mom and Dad are in my room.
So the colonel and Grandma Ruth can use Mom and Dad's bathroom.
That way, the two of them aren't sneaking around the halls at night.
- Can I sleep with you, Matt? - Sure.
Come on.
There you go.
I don't wanna be around George.
He makes me wanna cry because he doesn't have a mommy and daddy.
Maybe George will find the right family.
I hope so.
- You said this would be romantic.
- I'm man enough to admit I was wrong.
What's bothering you? Other than not getting along with my parents for 40 years? You're used to that.
- You wanna adopt George, don't you? - No.
We can't really afford another child.
He's bound to have some emotional problems.
We'd have to give it a lot of thought before making that commitment.
- So you want him? - I don't know.
We did always say we'd adopt after Mary.
- Then after Lucy.
- Then after Simon.
And now it's after Ruthie.
But we'd be crazy to even consider it, I guess.
Right? We are crazy.
We'll talk to the kids and George tomorrow.
I can't.
My parents are right down the hall.
- And you are what, 12? - When they're here, yes.
[BIG BAND MUSIC.]
My God, you're still as gorgeous as you were 43 years ago when they carried me into that medevac unit in Korea.
I never thought I'd be happy to have a bullet in the spleen.
- But there you were.
- You ready to play? Am I ready to play? Come here.
The name of the game is five-card draw.
[KNOCKING.]
I thought they were all asleep.
Come.
- I can't sleep.
Wanna deal me in? - Get your wallet.
And close the door.
Listen, George, you can fool my son with this Huckleberry Finn act of yours.
But that doesn't fly up here.
It's time you came clean.
Come on.
He's just a youngster, remember? Let Grandma Ruth try.
OK, spill your guts, flimflam boy.
You saw my son as an easy target from the start.
I bet they're talking about adopting you right now.
- Cagey little rascal.
- Man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.
I met the reverend, tracked him down and he took the bait.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
I see, and what do you think now that you've scoped the place out? I didn't know reverend guys could marry.
I was hoping to be the only child.
So, you ever seen any real action or are you just a pencil pusher? Real action? Son, let me tell you about a little dance called the Korean War.
I hope this is about getting George back to the orphanage.
The kid's starting to get on my nerves.
What's up? We're thinking that maybe George shouldn't go back to the orphanage.
Like ever.
- Excuse me? - We're going to adopt him? Well, that's what we wanted to talk to you guys about.
Your dad and I want to adopt him.
He needs a home.
His chances of finding one are as good as Simon's are of winning that car.
- Not amusing, Dad.
- You think he'll get quality time here? - Can we afford him? - It's a lot to take on.
Let me just say what we're thinking.
This is a seriously un-great idea.
Wow.
We were sorta hoping you'd be a little more enthusiastic.
But at this point we'll take vaguely interested.
- I'm vaguely interested.
- Well, that's Oh, hi.
Get some breakfast before the herd gets back.
- Where is everybody? - Family meeting.
- What's going on? - Probably the big adoption meeting.
Well, whatever happens, it'll all work out.
- You're a fine, decent boy.
- You bet.
Hey, if this family takes me, I'll count my blessings and be a man about it.
Eric and Annie should not be adopting that boy.
They won't, dear.
If they do, they'll be in for the fight of their lives.
So, where were you for "All opposed"? Like I wanna say, "Sorry, but I vote the little orphan kid you wanna adopt should be thrown out in the street.
" It's gonna take time and attention to get George adjusted.
Ruthie'll be jealous, so she'll need time and attention.
Simon doesn't even like George.
That'll take time and attention.
Lucy will freak out about quality time, so Mom and Dad'll have to give her extra time and attention.
- That'll pretty much tap them out.
- Oh.
Leaving us time and attention free.
Feel like learning how to drive? I don't even have a learner's permit.
Something somebody would notice only if they were paying attention.
- We'll take it to the church and back.
- Let the games begin.
Deal.
I'm in.
Thanks, you know, for everything.
I guess you're not interested in our opinion about this.
We're always interested in your opinion.
Because you're here and stuff.
I don't know why you'd have an opinion about this.
This adoption doesn't have anything to do with you.
That's not quite right.
Once a year you'll have to bring extra candy.
What the hell does that mean? Annie and I are going to raise and take responsibility for George.
We're going to guide him and protect him and love him.
So I don't see where your opinion fits into any of this.
That's wonderful.
You're dreaming again.
Who's gonna pay for the kid, the adoption, court costs? How are you gonna send him to college, or any of your other five for that matter? They'll get to college the same way I did.
They'll get jobs.
You still resent me for not paying your way.
I never resented you for that.
Yes, you did then and you still do.
But you needed to learn that you have to work to get things.
I know that.
I get it.
Because I taught you the value of hard work and discipline.
I'm happy to credit you! We just thought you might already have your hands full.
And if you have a problem with candy, you should've said something years ago.
I should have said a lot of things years ago.
[SIMON AND RUTHIE IMITATE CAR ENGINE.]
You know, if I feel like going out for a drive, I take a real car.
By Ruthie's age, my foster brother had taught me how to hot-wire a car.
Is this something I should know? - No.
He doesn't know either.
- Do too.
Foreign or domestic.
- Just tell me.
I'm behind, aren't I? - No, you're not.
I don't believe you.
The kid sitting in a cardboard box with his little sister doesn't believe me.
- Boo-hoo.
- Why don't you prove it? I'm sorry.
For bugging you guys yesterday at the hardware store.
It's just that - Well - What? I'm really glad you're here.
[SIGHS.]
I wish I knew what she wanted from us.
Oh, can we borrow a car? I need some things at the hardware store.
- I'd be happy to take you.
- I appreciate the offer, Annie.
I'd prefer to drive myself.
Always have.
To tell the truth, we'd just like to get out on our own.
Well, the keys are by the back door.
The wagon has a full tank.
- Thanks.
Shouldn't be long.
- Take your time.
He drives like he's leading the last convoy out of Saigon.
He did lead the last convoy out of Saigon.
Yeah, but I didn't have to pay the insurance on his tank.
If you want me to tell Mom and Dad, I will.
I parked the van so close to the wall, they'll never see it.
- They won't notice the scratch? - Hopefully not.
You are an extremely bad driver.
Were your eyes open? Our van is huge and that guy's mailbox was in the middle of the street.
We're heading out.
Can we drop you somewhere? - Like maybe at the barber? - No, thanks.
I got my hair cut a couple of days ago, so I'd look great for you.
That is pretty.
Next time, have the guy use scissors.
[LAUGHS.]
Luce, I'm going to the grocery store.
You wanna keep me company? - Or tell me what's going on? - Nothing.
It's stupid.
I'll bet it isn't.
[SNIFFLES.]
I'm trying so hard to get close to the colonel and Grandma Ruth and it's not working.
It's not working because they don't like me.
That's not true.
They love you very much.
The colonel would throw himself in front of a car for you.
The colonel would throw himself in front of a car for fun.
Yeah, probably.
Look, they have their own way of doing things.
They just don't express themselves like - Normal people? - Or like anyone we've met.
Grandma Ruth is the only grandma I have left.
I know.
Baby.
It's OK.
- I'm glad you'll get your rings back.
- What? That's why they went to the hardware store, isn't it? To get your rings back? Oh, no.
What have I done? Eric! - Eric! - What? What? Are you OK? Your parents have gone to get my wedding rings.
The clerk at the hardware store was wearing my wedding rings on a necklace.
And with our car you've made them mobile.
You were saying? How do I look? Like you're in big trouble.
[HORN BEEPS.]
Get out of the car now.
- We weren't doing anything.
- You were playing in the car.
He wasn't gonna go anywhere, just start it.
- What? - Don't help me anymore.
It wasn't his fault.
It was my idea.
Maybe you should send me to the orphanage.
It's time for a little tough love.
Simon, zip it.
The three of you, upstairs.
Now.
Come on.
By the three of you, he means you too.
I can count.
I can't hot-wire, but I can count.
We'll deal with them when I get back.
Anybody wanna ride along? Chickens.
You haven't seen an intimidating man with white hair and a tall, arrogant woman with perfect posture, have you? No, not yet.
And I would remember.
My husband died recently and I find myself noticing couples a lot.
I know, weird.
No, it's not weird at all.
I'm sorry for your loss.
This is a little awkward.
My wife told me that those rings were a gift from your son, but they look an awful lot like the ones that I gave her 18 years ago.
I'd be willing to pay you for them or replace them.
Well, I appreciate your situation, but your wife said they weren't hers.
These mean a lot to me.
I'm not letting go of them.
I've lost enough.
I'm sorry.
Right.
Thank you.
[PHONE.]
I'm sorry we just dropped in on you, but we're only in town a few days and there's a lot of ground to cover.
I'm thrilled that you're here.
George needs a strong father.
And adoptions between older children and older couples are often the best matches.
We flirted with adoption in the past, but it was just never the right time.
Well, I hope this time it is.
It was easy to arrange for a social worker to meet with you in New York.
But, of course, a lot of things are easier when the governor calls ahead.
He and I went through basic together back when we were just pups.
He could take out the enemy with a rolled-up newspaper.
Lovely man.
I wish I could be there when you break the news.
Yes, it'll be something.
Well, hope for the best, prepare for the worst.
We're going to war.
Oh! Sorry to be so long.
The day just got away from us.
Sorry we didn't call about dinner.
I hope it's not too late for dessert.
It's never too late.
You didn't have to do this.
Where have you been all day? Well, if you must know, we paid a visit to George's social worker.
Your father and I have talked about this.
We have decided to adopt George.
Let's talk about this calmly and rationally.
- There's nothing rational about this.
- Well, let's start with calmly.
George is not your average kid.
The adoption is gonna be hard.
He's gonna need a lot of love and support.
- You have a corner on that market? - Of course not.
But support, of any kind, is not one of your strong suits.
That's not true.
You ever hold me or Julie when we were upset? Did you ever allow us to express our feelings? If you're asking me if we wiped your noses and held your hands, no, we didn't have time, we were too busy keeping a roof over your heads.
- There's more to parenting than that.
- What? You are not the parents for George.
I love you and this family.
But you and this family are not the best match for George.
George needs structure and discipline, yes, and love and support.
I'm sorry if you think we didn't give you enough of that.
But as bad a father as you think I was, I never would have stuck with a decision that would upend my family and deny a nice little human being what was best for him out of spite! It has nothing to do with spite.
Are you sure about that? I'm gonna go for a walk.
I suppose you agree with Eric.
- Only when he's right.
- OK, OK.
So let me have it.
- Are you sure? - Absolutely.
I don't cry easily.
That's part of the problem.
Give it to me straight.
You're not terribly supportive and it shows in a lot of hurtful ways.
That's straight.
You're a little distant and opinionated and some of your jokes are cruel.
You and the colonel are formidable.
And you are awfully tough on people.
The colonel would say only the weak see us as tough.
The colonel would be wrong.
Most people are weaker than you two.
- Patton was weaker than you two.
- Too late.
Don't try and kiss up now.
Oh, Annie, Annie.
Thank you for being so honest with me.
Don't thank me yet.
I need your help with something.
- Anything.
- Lucy was hoping to connect with you.
With my mother gone, you're the only grandmother she has.
She really misses my mom, so I thought if she could connect with you, maybe she'd feel a little less lonely.
I'll see what I can do.
Even if you win the Viper, Mom and Dad will never let you sit in it.
Not if I win.
When I win.
I'm lucky, remember? If you're so lucky, how come we can only leave here to go to the bathroom? - George is a jinx.
- You better get used to it.
Because he's going to be around for a long, long time.
[HAPPY WHINES.]
And so it begins.
What are you doing? We move out first thing in the morning.
- Then take me with you.
Please.
- George, that's enough.
You're lucky to be living here and I won't stand for any whining.
Why can't you adopt me? I'll be good.
I'll stay out of your way.
You won't even know I'm there.
[SOBS.]
George, listen to me.
Eric is smart about things like this.
He's a good man, a smart man.
If you're lucky, you'll grow up to be like him.
Anyway, why would you wanna live with a couple of old warhorses like us? - You've got a house of great kids here.
- They're dreamers.
There's nothing wrong with a little dreaming.
No.
Time you settled down and started some dreaming of your own.
I already did.
My dream was to be with you.
I want you to be a good boy and I want you to stay out of trouble, and that's an order.
Yes, sir.
- Excuse me.
- Oh! - You just scared me to death! - I'm sorry.
I know what that's like.
My mom and I were robbed once.
Some guy put a gun to my head and took everything, including my mom's wedding rings.
Those rings.
I was too afraid to do anything at the time.
It sounds like you had good reason to be scared.
Yeah, maybe.
But it changed the way I looked at things, mostly at myself.
I'd like to have the old me back.
I don't know if that'll ever happen.
I sure would like my mom to have her wedding rings back.
[KNOCKING.]
- I'll leave you so you two can talk.
- I had something I wanted to show you.
- Really? - Mm-hm.
Your relationship with Jimmy Moon reminded me of something.
What's that? This is the first love letter the colonel ever wrote to me.
I keep it in my wallet.
I can tell you are a person who appreciates great passion.
- My dearest Poochie Check? - I wasn't crazy about that name either.
But it was the dog in the colonel's favourite comic strip.
I used to cut it out and send it to him every day.
Just see that it gets back to me in the morning.
Don't tell the colonel.
OK.
Thank you.
Poochie Check? - Did we wake you? - I'd stop sleeping eventually.
- Solve the problems of the world yet? - No, but it's still early.
Thanks.
You know, I was thinking, remember that night that guy robbed us? - Very well.
- Well, now you can let it go.
I'm going to.
Oh.
- Sorry you gotta go.
- I know.
We plan to come back.
We've gotta see you play in that basketball game.
Thanks for sharing.
- Hey, thanks for the candy.
- Ditto.
Anytime, anytime.
Listen, you, no boys and no cars for at least another ten years.
Amen.
Then what? We'll talk again.
- Good plan.
- [CAR HORN.]
Cab's here.
Dad, hang on.
You forgot these.
It's George's adoption papers.
We were up all night talking about it.
Your names should go on them.
Well, the last I heard, you thought we weren't fit parents for fish.
Only some fish.
You're the family George wants and needs.
- You mean? - Yes, George.
After waiting all this time for a family, we think you deserve to be with the people that you wanna be with.
Oh, Annie, thank you.
Life doesn't give you many chances to go back and do things again.
- And maybe do them better.
- ERIC: I know.
I know you did the best you could.
Whatever problems that my sister and I may have had, we also had parents who who took care of us and worked hard for us.
After 18 years and five, almost six kids, I know that's no small potatoes.
- You're quite a man, Reverend.
- So are you, Colonel.
We haven't done so well as father and son.
Should we just try friends? Yeah, it sounds good.
- Oh.
- [LOUD MUSIC.]
- Oh! - [MUSIC STOPS.]
George, ready to roll? We gotta get you home.
Yes, sir.
Home sounds good.
- Yeah.
- [KNOCK AT DOOR.]
I'll get that.
I'm from the raffle committee, here to present the Viper to a Mr Simon Camden.
- AKA Luckyman.
- You've got to be kidding.
- I've been expecting you.
- What? You won the Viper? Yes.
- We have to check this out.
- You didn't get enough yesterday? You owe the guy an apology and 50 bucks for the mailbox.
We'll talk about the scratch on the van and driving without a permit and how your lives are going to change dramatically because of restrictions, but later when there are no witnesses.
Mr Camden, Simon, unless I'm mistaken, you're not 18 yet, which makes you ineligible to keep this car.
I know.
I just wanted to win it and give my supernatural luck a workout.
I only use my powers for good.
Kid wins a raffle, now he's got superpowers.
- [CLEARS THROAT.]
- And who am I to argue? - Is the scary guy still looking at me? - [CAR HORN.]
Ruth, George, Son.
Time to step it up and move it out.
Love you forever.
I love you.
We'll be back.
Soon.
Wait.
Here we are.
Would it be OK if my dad just took me for a ride around the block? [CLEARS THROAT.]
Whatever the boy wants.
Fine-looking boy, too.
A Viper.
There's a lot of horses under that hood.
Maybe I should drive him.
- Whose parents were just here? - Oh, all right.
Have fun.
I can't believe that in six years I'm gonna have to teach you how to drive.
- In seven you can teach your brother.
- Huh? Well, George is your brother now, right? Well, now that you mention it, I guess he is.
Poor George.
[ENGINE GROWLS.]
[TYRES SCREECH.]
Whoo-hoo!