7th Heaven s02e10 Episode Script

You shrunk these in the dryer, didn't you? Uh Did I? I, uh Gee, I'm sorry.
I must have left them in there a little too long.
- A lot too long.
- Yeah.
And I probably had the dryer on way too hot.
You know, I was thinking, maybe we should start taking walks together after dinner.
Why would we do that? Well, walking could be good for us, you know.
Walking is romantic and healthy, the best of both worlds.
- You think I'm fat.
- I think you're a very attractive man.
- Who's fat.
- You are not fat.
You may have put on a pound or two since the wedding, but that hardly constitutes fat.
I'm holding a lot of water right now.
Well, all the men in my family retain water.
Just out of curiosity, how much weight have you gained since the wedding? - What difference does it make? - How much? - Since the wedding? - Yeah.
Nothing.
I've rearranged a little, but my weight's the same.
Oh.
How much do you think I've put on? Seven, eight, But you were skinny when we got married.
Now you're the most attractive man in the world.
- Most attractive fat man in the world.
- Would you stop? I love you just the way you are.
I don't care if you've gained weight over the past 20 years.
So what? I wish you just stopped with the "left the jeans in the dryer too long.
" No more than I do, honey.
God help me, I'm fat.
I found him.
Found who? Brian Keaz.
He's right over there.
Go ask him about me.
I'm waiting for the right moment.
Now is the right moment.
See? No, no, it's not.
There's never a right moment to get some guy to take out my sister.
Why not? I fixed you up with Linda Ptolemy.
No, she wanted to go out with me.
And she wanted to to make her boyfriend jealous.
Yeah, but you still got to go out.
I haven't gone out with anyone since I broke up with Wilson.
All right.
What, are you just gonna stand there and watch me? - Fine, I'll go find Lucy.
- Do that.
Tsk.
- Hey, Matt, what's going on? - Nothing.
Got any plans for the weekend? Nope, just hanging out.
Why? I'm just gonna cut to the chase.
My sister Mary wants to go out with you.
I thought she was looking at me funny.
Yeah, well, you were right.
I don't know.
Mary? Me and Mary? She broke up with her boyfriend a couple weeks ago.
She's thinking if you didn't have plans this weekend - I don't have any plans, but - But what? But Mary's not my type.
I mean, she's great-looking and nice and everything, but she seems like she'd give a guy a hard time, you know? Yeah, I know.
Couldn't you go out with her once, like for pizza? Look, even if I wanted to, I couldn't.
I'm totally busted.
What if you weren't totally busted? What if you had 20 bucks to burn? Your 20 bucks? Believe me, it'll be easier for me to give you 20 bucks than to explain to Mary why you don't wanna go out with her.
Okay, fine.
I'll take her out for a pizza and get her off your back.
Oh, that's great.
Be at our house around 8? Isn't it a little late for me to be asking her out for tonight? I'll take care of that.
Thanks a lot, man.
Yeah.
I have been looking all over for you.
I left my book in math class and I had to go get it, but they already locked the door so I had to go get the janitor.
So it happens.
What are you so upset about? - I'm not upset.
- Sorry, my mistake.
Shelby got invited to Beverly's sleepover and I didn't.
I mean, why would they invite Shelby and not me? She's just as unpopular as I am.
Let it go, Luce.
Sleepovers are lame anyway.
Maybe to you.
But I have one year, this year, to fit in.
And if I don't, I'll have to accept the fact that I'll never be in.
You have ink on your face.
Why doesn't anyone tell me these things? I just did.
So my mom, she's gonna rent some movies, but then she and my dad promised to stay upstairs the rest of the night.
Oh, so you guys are having a sleepover, huh? Oh, I can't go.
I have a date with Jimmy Moon.
Oh, that's right.
You're the one who got stuck with him.
You should get Jimmy's parents to drop you off, because it's gonna be great.
We invited Shelby.
Shelby? Oh, that should be fun.
Maybe I will.
If we're not having too much fun.
And what are the chances of that? So tell me, why did you invite Shelby to your party but not Lucy? Because I just didn't think about it.
But Lucy's welcome to come.
In fact, I should have invited her from the beginning.
Hey, Luce, I know it's kind of late, but if you're not doing anything tonight, I'd love for you to come to my sleepover.
- Really? - Yeah, here.
The where and the when stuff is all right here.
- So I guess I'll see you later? - Yeah, sure.
Do I need to bring anything? Just yourself.
Okay.
I'll see you later.
Are you guys ready to go? Please say yes.
- Yes.
- Yes.
I just got invited to this totally cool sleepover.
Oh, that's great.
Let's go.
So? Eight o'clock.
Tonight? Brian Keaz wants to go out with me tonight? I knew it.
I could tell by the way he waved at me.
Hey, you're home early.
I was hoping to slip right past you, but I should've known I'd be too fat for that.
Now, the fat boy's gonna do something about it.
I'm gonna go for a run.
What do you say, Simon? Feel like going for a jog? No, thanks, Dad.
I can get into my jeans, and tuck a shirt in comfortably.
I said nothing.
You gave your jeans to Matt.
There had to be a reason.
Great.
Where are your sisters and brother? Well, Lucy's packing for a sleepover and Mary has a date.
- With whom? - Whom? - Who.
- You know who, Brian.
Welcome to my world, Mom.
- Matt fixed her up.
- Really? How nice.
What do you know about this sleepover? Beverly's having it.
The cool group.
Lucy got invited to the cool group's sleepover? Yeah, it sounded a little fishy to us too.
Very fishy-fish.
Hey, I've got some big news for you.
The Y is giving swimming classes and guess whose name is at the top of the list.
I hope it's not mine.
I don't need to swim.
I like to stay on dirt.
Honey, everybody has to know how to swim.
And Mommy will be right there with you.
It'll be fine.
It'll be fine.
I took swimming classes when I was 3.
I know, but everyone in the class will be 3 and it's going to be totally mutilating.
- Humiliating.
- Whatever.
And I'll be frozen.
Who takes swimming lessons in the middle of winter? - It's an indoor, heated pool.
- Oh.
I still don't wanna go.
- Swimming's too hard.
- Swimming is a piece of cake.
- I could teach you.
- How? The bathtub.
Water's water, right? I'll go fill the tub.
I wish she'd quit doing that.
Just the man I need to see.
I need to borrow some money, 20 bucks.
Last time I lent you money, you left the state.
But I paid you back, right? Yeah, but it put a strain on the relationship.
It did not.
Not between me and you, between me and Dad.
So it'd have to be for a really good cause.
I need to loan Mary's date some money.
Why can't she loan him the money? Because one, she probably doesn't have 20 bucks.
And two, she doesn't know about it.
You're paying a guy to take her out? Tell the world, Simon.
Oh.
Oh.
So why do you have to pay him? Because she hasn't had a date since Wilson.
She's got her heart set on Brian.
Brian says she's not his type, but I couldn't tell Mary that.
So come on, lend me the money.
Okay.
But I want it back in 30 days with $2 interest.
- Fine.
- And if you get caught, not a word to Mary about where the money came from.
- Hi, Mom.
- Hey.
Gentlemen.
Have a nice run, sweetheart.
Luce.
I've heard rumours about a sleepover with the cool group.
- Please say it's okay.
- Depends.
What cool person is having the party? - Beverly.
- Do I know cool Beverly's parents? I doubt it.
- Do they have a phone number? - Why? I just thought that before I sent my 14-year-old daughter off for a sleepover, I'd get a little information.
Decide how I can do that so you won't die of embarrassment and then get back to me.
By the time I figure that out, I'll be dead and it won't matter.
Okay, then.
I'm in here.
I know, and I'm out here wondering what you're doing in there.
I'm getting in the bathtub.
Oh, good for you.
Use soap.
Hey, what's going on? Oh, nothing.
- Who is it? Coach Camden - reporting for duty.
- Who? Oh, it's you.
- You ready? - I forgot to turn the cold water on.
It's too hot to get in.
That's okay.
We can go over the basics while we're still on land.
The first thing we're gonna do is blow some bubbles.
- Why? - So water doesn't go in your mouth.
Can't I just keep my mouth closed? The eternal question.
Just hold your nose and blow out your mouth.
You gotta open your eyes so you can see where you're going.
Where am I going to go? It's a bathtub.
- Who's the coach? - I don't know.
Me.
I thought you were the swimming teacher.
I prefer coach, if you don't mind.
All right, all right.
Eyes open, blow.
- Excellent.
- Thank you.
Next, I'm gonna teach you a little something that we like to call "the dead man's float.
" I don't like the sound of that.
Fine.
it just seems like floating like a dead guy is the last thing I wanna know.
Right on time.
I'm never late for work.
- What time you want her home? - I'm thinking 10:00.
Any earlier, she might get suspicious.
You bring her home any later, you might have to talk to my dad.
- You have to tread a fine line.
- Great.
What am I supposed to talk about for two hours? Basketball.
Don't watch it, don't play it, don't like it.
I told you this is a bad idea.
Think of it as a free pizza.
Let me ask you something.
Why do you want me, a guy who's not really into your sister, to go out with your sister? Those are the best dates for a sister.
I mean, she's safe with you.
She's safe with any guy.
She doesn't need you to protect her.
I can't even imagine approaching her for a good night kiss.
Actually, I was thinking a quick simple good night kiss on the cheek should be included for 20 bucks.
Fine.
Let's get this fun-filled evening over with.
Oh.
Brian, this is my dad and my sister Lucy.
- Dad, this is Brian, Mary's date.
- Oh.
If I didn't have to take Lucy to her sleepover, this would be a great time for the two of us to talk.
No, it wouldn't, Dad, but nice try.
- You wanna go? - Sure.
It was nice meeting you.
I'll have her home early.
Don't shut that.
We're gonna be late.
Dad.
No, I'm practically behind the wheel.
Why is he gonna have her home early? I don't know.
He's a nice guy? Uh-huh.
Are those my jeans? Yours don't quite fit, I thought I'd grow into them.
They're that big? You're not behind the wheel, Dad.
- Whew.
How much did you pay him? I saw you on the porch.
Twenty bucks.
- Where'd you get the money? - The Bank of Simon.
Well, that was really sweet of you.
Mary's been a little lonely without Wilson.
Of course, you're dealing with your sister's heart, your brother's money, so I'm guessing that this is gonna blow up in your face, big time.
So how's basketball going? I'm not playing this year.
I had that knee surgery.
I forgot, sorry.
It's okay.
Do you ever go to the games? No.
- Well, you should go sometime.
- I'm not really into basketball.
Oh.
- What about football? - Uh Nope.
- Soccer? - Not really.
- Volleyball? - Afraid not.
Did you ever do a science project when you were a sophomore? Oh, yeah, yeah, I loved it.
I got a D on it and it totally killed my quarter grade, but I loved it.
- Well, what'd you do? - Heart transplant on a frog.
- Excellent.
- Yeah, I mean, both frogs were dead, but I was gonna demonstrate how you'd do it.
My donor was cool, but my recipient started oozing stuff from its stitches.
People were puking as they passed by my table.
What a rip.
I mean, if you can't stand blood and oozery, get out of the lab.
Yeah, see, you get it.
I totally love that stuff.
- Do you watch the medical channel? - All the time.
You saw the one where the woman's scalp got torn off by a machine? Yeah, yeah, and they stitched it back on.
Classic.
- Are you gonna go to med school? - Maybe.
- How about you? - I don't think so.
I hate chemistry.
Of course, one of the reasons I hate it might be because I'm terrible at it.
I could help you.
- Really? - Oh, yeah.
I need a favour.
I need some cheeseburgers.
Okay.
And I also need you to just keep this between us.
Your mom doesn't have to know about this.
- Why? They're just cheeseburgers.
- Right, they're just cheeseburgers.
- The Varsity okay? - Yeah.
Just drop them off somewhere in the garage when you get home.
I'll find a way to make the pick-up.
Okay.
Oh, Dad, you're not that fat.
- What do you mean by "that fat"? - I'm on my way.
How come you didn't get something when you dropped Lucy off? I did.
I got a shake, it just made me hungrier.
Look Just tell your mom you feel like going for a ride.
No, no.
Tell her you want some air.
No, that won't work.
There's air in the backyard.
You're gonna pick up a school book from a friend.
Stop before you hurt yourself.
I can handle it.
That's my boy.
Your mom's out there.
Oh, Dad, you're losing it.
I'll be out in a minute.
I'm taking a bath.
Again? You just had one this afternoon.
I got dirty again.
There are seven people in this house.
One bath a day is all you're allowed.
I thought cleanliness was next to godliness.
It only matters if you and God are gonna be on a crowded bus together.
Huh? - Hurry up.
I'm going to get some ice cream.
Do you want anything? - Where are you going? - I don't know, some place close.
- I won't be gone that long.
- I better pass this time.
I'm trying to cut back.
But you could pick up something for Simon and Ruthie to have when she gets out of the bathtub.
Forget it, we don't wanna get fat either.
Ouch.
No.
Come on.
Okay, so the new person, that's you, gets under the bed.
Then we get the other person, Shelby, to come in here.
Then what? Then we all talk about you until Shelby starts to talk about you and says what she really thinks.
Of course, we're just making stuff up to get her to talk, so you can't hold anything we say against us.
I see.
And don't worry.
See, we do this every week and it's always really fun.
And it's useful.
This way you know who your true friends are because you see what people really think about you.
But what if I don't wanna know? Surprise.
Oh, great, okay, you're just in time.
- Hi, Lucy.
- Hi.
Lucy got here first, so she gets to go under the bed.
We're just waiting for Shelby to get here.
Never been prouder.
Me either.
We'd better get out of here before Mom catches us.
She's going to be so surprised when she finds out I can swim.
Are you still in the tub? No.
Uh We're brushing our teeth.
Can I get you something? You hardly touched your dinner.
Oh, thank you, no.
No, thanks.
I'm fine.
Heh.
- I had a really great time.
- Me too.
You wanna go out again sometime? Like tomorrow night? I should probably be the one to ask, but yes, I'm free tomorrow night.
Great.
See you tomorrow.
That was more than a $20 kiss.
That was a free kiss.
I'm gonna give your money back.
It wouldn't be right to get paid for taking Mary out.
In fact, I should pay you.
I've been dying to ask you, what do you think of Lucy? I think she's pretty nice.
Pretty nice? Please.
She's absolutely rude to Ashley.
It probably just gets to her that Ashley goes out with Jimmy.
I mean, they were boyfriend and girlfriend for a long time.
Yeah, I always wondered why he broke up with her anyway.
Well, for one thing, Jimmy says she was incredibly insecure.
So she's a little insecure.
Okay, she doesn't have a lot of self-confidence.
- No kidding.
- You're exactly right.
Yeah, but who would with an older sister who's a basketball star and a brain? Yeah, if Mary hadn't asked us to invite Lucy, believe me Hey, Shelby, guess what.
We got a little surprise for you.
Come on out, Lucy.
Welcome to the club.
Go away.
Told you she'd kill you.
Listen, Mr.
Warbucks, did you give him the 20 bucks? What's going on? Matt paid Brian 20 bucks to take me out.
You insisted, he didn't wanna take you out and he didn't have money, so I gave him 20 bucks.
I know, phoo! In my face.
Does the whole world know about this? I didn't know anything about this.
Why didn't I know anything? I believe you were out getting a milkshake.
What was left of it was in the garbage can when I took out the trash.
Heh.
I'll take Matt.
You talk to Mary.
I don't wanna talk to anyone.
My person doesn't feel like talking right now.
This is kind of a guy thing.
Two cheeseburgers.
Driver's side tire of the van.
Driver's side tire of the van? Good man.
Now, what's this about paying Brian to go out with Mary? Brian said Mary wasn't his type.
But somehow she became his type, because you should have seen how he was kissing her good night.
- It's actually okay that I missed that.
- Yeah.
- Hello? Mom? Oh, hi, Luce.
Mom, make up some reason to call here and tell me I have to come home.
Are you okay? No, which is why I wanna come home.
Please.
Okay.
I did something like this once to my sister.
I paid a guy to take her out for weeks.
Only it turned out that he had told her the whole thing on their first date, so they were splitting the money for months before I found out.
Lucy called.
She wants to come home from the sleepover.
Oh, I'll go get her.
- No, that's okay, I'll get her.
- No, no, it's late.
You shouldn't be out by yourself.
- Huh? I'll go with you.
- Fine.
I got it.
Hello? Oh, hey, Brian.
Oh.
Listen, you've gotta let me talk to Mary.
I gotta explain.
She's not gonna talk to you.
Not talking to anyone.
I don't know why she's making such a big deal.
I mean, it's not like I knew I was gonna have a good time.
I'll go upstairs and see if she wants to call you back, but you better come with a better line than that while you're waiting.
I have no idea what's wrong with Lucy.
I mean, she's not sick, something must have happened.
I'll drive.
I took her over, I know where Beverly lives.
I've got the address, I know where she lives.
And it's what, six blocks? Get in.
I smell hamburgers.
I thought Matt was going out for ice cream.
I don't smell anything.
- I just feel like driving, okay? - Okay.
That's right, it was in the fat position.
You can walk, you know.
I'll stop and get you two more on the way home.
What are you talking about? Brian called, he wants you to call him back.
Yeah, that'll happen.
You know, I will never feel comfortable going out with anyone you know again, because you could be paying them to take out your poor, pathetic sister who can't get her own dates.
How did you come up with this? Was it Brian's idea? Unfortunately, no, it was my idea, only because he didn't have any money.
That's the only reason? He didn't have any money? Yeah, you know, otherwise he would have.
Probably.
Do you ever tell the truth? Because I know you're lying right now.
What's his number? I think I will call him.
- I don't know his number.
- Give it to me.
I don't have it.
Why would you ask me to call if you didn't have his number? I'm not gonna give it if you're gonna scream at him and humiliate yourself.
Well, you're the one who humiliated me.
Did you pay Beverly to invite me to her party or did you just threaten her? What's with Simon and Ruthie? No one can get in the bathroom anymore.
- I'll take care of it.
- Oh, thanks, Mom.
- You want some? - No.
No, it's time to get serious about this diet.
It's not funny.
Hey, Dad, you ready for our walk? I'm looking forward to it, Luce.
Have you and Mary made up yet? I have no intention of letting her off the hook anytime soon.
How about you? Mary has no intention of letting me off the hook anytime soon.
Paddle, paddle.
Keep your head up.
Be confident.
That's it, confident.
What are you doing? Simon taught me how to swim.
Now I don't need any lessons.
I pretty much taught myself the same way so I'm kind of an expert.
You know.
Watch me.
That's fabulous.
Fabulous.
Let's give the other kids a shot at the tub.
Here.
Wait, wait, wait.
Okay, here, don't get cold.
There we go, baby, give Mommy a kiss.
Ooh.
Simon, you're going to have to tell Ruthie that in spite of her tub time, she's going to have to take swim lessons.
Why me? Because you made her think she could swim after a few days of splashing around in a bathtub.
Has to learn in a bigger body of water.
But maybe she can swim.
I mean, wouldn't that be weird? All right, I'll tell her.
But it's gonna break her heart.
Her teeny, tiny, little heart.
Guess who's responsible for that.
Me.
I don't know what's wrong with me, I've never been so hungry.
The minute your mother said I was fat, all I wanted to do is stuff my face.
And why shouldn't I? It's not like I can't get into my clothes.
Well, I couldn't get into my jeans, but they're not regular pants.
They're shrunken jeans.
I know, and it's like Beverly saying I'm rude to Ashley.
Or Shelby saying I'm insecure.
That's totally, totally Well, it's the truth.
I guess maybe I'm a little insecure.
And I have gained a little weight.
To protecting our self-image through denial.
Hey, Lucy.
I wanted to apologize for last night.
- It's okay, Shelby.
- No, it's not, and I feel terrible.
It's pathetic, but I was trying to fit in.
I've been there myself a few times.
Well, the good news is now that we've been initiated, we're invited to Beverly's sleepover again next week.
Of course, I don't really wanna go.
Me either.
Who needs it? I'll see you at school on Monday.
Hey, Shelby, how'd you know where to find us? I called your house to see if Lucy was home and Mrs.
Camden said that you guys were jogging and you'd probably stop here.
Your mom's so good it scares me sometimes.
So you're really gonna blow off this sleepover next week? Yeah.
Beverly's little game worked.
I found out who my true friends are.
Or in this case, aren't.
Of course, I had some time to think about it while I was hiding under the bed.
- Pathetic, huh? - Not at all.
- I'm very proud of you.
- Thanks, Dad.
I'm very proud of you too.
I have to take those lessons, don't I, coach? Yeah, see, the thing is, Mom doesn't believe in the bathtub training technique that I invented.
What can you do? I mean, adults are in charge.
When they think they're right, they're right.
Simon, do you think I can swim in a real pool with water higher than my head? Well, you shouldn't try it by yourself.
But if there was a lifeguard there with Mom and Dad, just so you didn't panic then, yeah, I think you could do it.
Of course, that's just my opinion, I mean, it could be dangerous.
So swimming lessons are probably a good idea.
Did I just say probably? I meant definitely.
Definitely a good idea.
There is no substitute for swimming lessons.
Please, could I just try it? I just wanna try to swim in a big pool.
Honey, that's what the lessons are all about.
You've got to learn how to swim so that you can be safe.
Besides, it's fun.
I know, but I just don't wanna be in the lessons with the babies.
If I can prove that I can jump in and swim, can I please be in the lessons with the big kids, please? Oh, good.
No, not good.
Just tell me this.
Why didn't you wanna go out with me in the first place? It's not that I don't like you.
I just thought you weren't my type.
What do you mean by that? What I meant was that you just didn't seem, like, really vulnerable.
I figured you'd be the type to give a guy a hard time.
- About what? - Everything.
- And you do.
- Sorry.
And I I like it.
That's pathetic.
You know, maybe you should get a brain transplant.
Maybe I will.
And maybe they'll televise it and you can watch.
Oh, I would definitely watch.
So tonight? Yeah.
But I thought you didn't have any money.
I got 20 bucks from my dad to pay Matt back, but Matt can wait.
Yes, he can.
You got what you wanted.
I got the Bank of Simon breathing down my neck.
Fine.
I'll give you 20 bucks.
Hey, Simon, Matt's got your 20.
Oh.
Good run, Dad.
You still got it.
Oh, boy, you almost caught up with me there at the end.
Heh.
Mmm.
Ahh.
See if there's any more cold water in the fridge, will you? Whoo.
Boy, those hot dogs made me thirsty.
I'll go change.
I've missed you the past few nights.
Really? - Every pound of me? - Oh, shut up.
Oh.
We're going to the Y.
You wanna come to the Y? I'd go anywhere with you.
Still not speaking to me? No, I'm over it.
That's good.
Help me find something to wear.
Don't you wanna know how I got over it? Not really, as long as you're over it.
Dad and I discovered we have a sense of humour about ourselves.
Where are you going? I've got another date.
Brian asked me out.
Oh, great.
So Matt interferes with your life and you end up with a really cute guy, but you interfere with my life and I end up with nothing? That's not true.
What about that sense of humour about yourself? It comes and goes.
You know, sweetie, you don't have to do this.
But if I don't, Simon's going to think his swimming lessons were no good.
We can tell him the truth, you can't give swimming lessons in the bathtub.
But maybe you can.
And the only way we're really going to know if that's the truth is if I get in the pool.
Don't worry, Mom, I'll be fine.
It wasn't like I was putting her on.
I was just trying to help out, teach her the basics.
So she'd know what to do.
But what if she can't do it? She's gonna be really disappointed.
You just have to believe that she can.
I do.
I saw her in the tub and she was great.
She's a natural.
And that is the truth.
Okay, is everybody ready? Okay, now remember what I told you.
Keep your head up, keep your hands and feet moving and be confident.
The water's your friend.
Waahh! - Scared? - Nah.
Okay, Ruthie, I want you to jump in the pool and let yourself come back up, and then start swimming.
And don't worry, I'm gonna be right beside you.
All right! - I'm a genius.
- You are not a genius.
- Luckiest kid on earth? - I'll give you that.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yes, you did it.
- Yes! - Ha-ha! Yes! Yeah, terrific.
Yes.
I love you so much.
I love you more.
We're alone! I love you more.
I love you more.
Hmm.
Huh.
Shh.
What are we doing? - Um - Heh.
- We're going on a diet.
- Ha-ha-ha.
Good night.