7th Heaven s02e18 Episode Script

Hi.
Mommy's not home.
I can see that.
Sorry about the mess.
The box says the prize is actual size but I still can't find it.
Hey, wait.
What about the surprise? I have a better surprise.
We're gonna have a new member of the family.
- Is it a kitten? - No.
We're gonna have a foreign exchange student come and stay with us from France.
Oh, that is so cool.
Wait a sec, Dad, how do we know this guy's not a spy? I didn't ask, Simon, but the last time I checked, the French were still our allies.
Anyway, I expect each and every one of you to make him feel at home.
Okay? - Make who feel at home? - Some French guy.
He's a foreign exchange student.
He's gonna be living with us for a while.
Where's he gonna sleep? On the roof? I'm sure we can work out something with the rooms, I'm I'm open to any volunteers.
Halt! A French guy is coming to live with us.
Get out while you can.
- French? How old is he? - Is he single? - He's about Matt's age, I think.
- Figures.
I bet I know who's gonna get stuck driving this Euro-geek around.
Now, hold on a minute.
This kid has come a long way.
He's in a foreign country for the first time.
He's probably gonna be homesick.
Treat him the same way you'd wanna be treated if you were in a foreign country.
- You can count on me, Dad.
- Yeah, it's cool with me.
Ha.
Look, I know what you're thinking.
If he's my age, in French years he's 40, so forget it.
I bet he knows a lot about women.
Yeah, so maybe there will be some payoff to driving him around.
- What do French people eat? - Snails.
- Ew! Is that true? - Well, not all the time.
- So does Mom know about this yet? - Does Mom know about what? Hi, honey.
- Hi.
We're gonna have a change student that eats snails come and live with us.
Oh.
I don't think so, honey.
No, what Ruthie meant to say was a foreign exchange student.
A French student.
He's just gonna be here for a few weeks.
- Isn't that great, honey? - Huh? Sweetheart? Wait for me! You invited a guest to stay in our house without even consulting me? You're right, I'm sorry.
It's just that Martin Aucoin called me and he needed an answer right away.
Otherwise, this kid was gonna have to get on a plane and go back home.
And, well, you know, I just thought it'd be a great cultural experience.
For the kids, you know, for all of us.
Well, so is a museum.
But unfortunately, we don't have room for one in our house.
And I use the term "our house" loosely, because you seem to be making all the decisions around here.
I'm sorry.
I guess I didn't think it'd be a huge inconvenience.
I'd like to point out that that's because you're not exactly the one being inconvenienced.
By that, I mean the cooking and the cleaning part of the deal.
He's Matt's age.
He's a guy.
He should be pretty low maintenance.
Do you have any idea how much a teenage boy eats? And we're already on a tight budget.
And I can barely handle the laundry as it is without it piling back up to the ceiling by bedtime.
Oh, and then there's the little matter of, ha-ha, space.
Any idea where he's going to sleep? Well, Simon and Ruthie really miss being in the same room together.
No, they don't.
Boy, I wish you had consulted me first.
It's just not like you to spring this kind of stuff on me.
When's he coming? Well, you know, sometime.
I mean, it's soon, but How soon? Hello.
Welcome.
Come on in.
Entrez.
- Hello, Reverend.
- Martin.
Guillaume, this is the Reverend and Mrs.
Camden.
So nice to meet you.
Thank you for your hospitality.
Oh.
It's our pleasure, Guillaume.
- Please, call me Guy.
- Guy.
Les chocolats.
For you.
Oh.
Merci.
It is so kind of you to allow me to stay here when you already have five children, non? Huh.
Oui.
I hope you don't mind me saying that you must be quite a woman to maintain such a household and still look like a model from a fashion magazine.
You must be hungry.
I'll make you a sandwich.
And these are for you.
Oh.
Bordeaux.
My goodness.
And a box of Cubans? I managed to smuggle them in.
I don't know anything about that.
Oh, thank you.
That's very nice, but Oh Well, unfortunately, I I don't smoke, but I'll see to it they don't go to waste.
Why don't you have a seat in the living room, and I'll get your room set up.
Thank you very much.
Thanks again, Reverend.
Please don't hesitate to call me if you have any problems, which I'm sure you won't.
Hey, girls.
- Come on down and meet Guy.
- Gee? Yuck.
- Guy.
This is Ruthie.
- Bonjour, Ruthie.
This is America.
Speak English.
Hello.
My name is Mary.
Mary.
He's French, not deaf.
He also speaks English very well.
Hello, Mary.
That is a beautiful sweater you're wearing.
Or is it just that you are such a beautiful girl? Ah.
I'll be right back.
So is it true? - Is what true? - That you eat snails.
- Yes, actually, it is true.
Eww.
I love snails.
Come on, be a pal.
You can do it.
Dad, I just moved in here.
I know that, Simon, but this is only temporary.
It's just gonna be for a few weeks, I promise.
Fine.
But only if Ruthie agrees to let me have the top bunk back.
You're a sport.
I owe you one, and let me handle Ruthie.
My pleasure.
I think our problems are solved.
Simon has agreed to move back in with Ruthie, and she and Lucy and Mary are chatting it up in the living room.
I think they like the guy.
Guy.
- I'm sure they do.
- So, what do you think? Well, he does have nice manners.
He didn't bring a big suitcase, so he couldn't have packed very many clothes, so less to wash.
No, just more often.
No, it could be okay.
He is kind of cute and charming.
Uh - Did you say cute? - Uh Yes, cute.
- You know, that could be a problem.
- What kind of problem? We have two teenage girls in this house.
So we'll just, you know, steer him away from them and let him hang out with Matt.
Oh, I don't think that's going to work either.
Matt's not gonna want anyone in his territory the last semester of high school.
I think Matt's more confident than that.
You worry too much.
I'm sure all the kids will get along with Guy just fine.
- I don't like him.
- Except Ruthie.
- Why not? - He's a chauvinist pig.
Ruthie.
I don't think you even know what that means.
Well, I know what pig means.
Well So do you think French guys are born knowing how to French kiss? Ha.
That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
Why? They don't call it Swiss kissing or Canadian kissing or Mexican kissing.
Well, that may be true, but I wouldn't bring it up with Guy.
- It would just sound like an invitation.
- You think? Yes, and as long as he's living in this house, he's like our brother.
Yeah, right.
So that's how you should treat him.
- That's how I intend to treat him.
- Great.
And even if he weren't our brother, he's too old for you.
Moi? Para tú.
Hey, since when do you get so cleaned up for dinner? It's no big deal.
I just got sweaty from shooting baskets earlier.
- Ha.
- "Ha," yourself.
I know you want him.
Ha.
No, I don't.
I just wanna be clean.
Clean, schmean.
Hey, maybe we should take the compatibility quiz in my magazine to see which one of us is right for Guy.
Uh, maybe we shouldn't.
"Reality check.
Are you compatible? Take this Q&A to find out if you and he were meant to be.
" I knew you'd come crawling back.
Look, I'm only doing this as a favour to Dad.
Whoops.
Hi.
Uh I mean, welcome.
Guy, meet Simon and Matt.
- Howdy.
Hello.
Hey, is that a laptop? Cool.
Instant e-mail across the ocean.
Wow.
Make sure Guy gets whatever he needs to feel situated.
Simon, see if you can find him a clean towel and some sheets.
I suppose you are the man I should talk to about going out in this town.
I met a couple of French airline attendants on the way over.
Roommates.
Beautiful roommates.
Maybe I give them a call, we all go out How do you say, uh? Double date? Ah.
Unfortunately, I have a date tonight.
Not a problem.
Tonight I am a little fatigued.
- Tomorrow night? - Yeah.
Sure, sounds good.
Excellent.
Yeah, excellente.
There's a phone jack right there behind the desk for you to plug in your modem, but I wouldn't call France unless you could pay with American money.
Yes, I know.
It is very expensive to call overseas from France as well.
As far as using the Internet, you might wanna only use it at night.
There's only one phone line in this house.
Well, I hardly use the modem anyway.
I find the Internet quite complicated.
Oh, not for me.
If you need any help surfing the Web, chat rooms, stuff like that, I'm your man.
It's a good way to meet chicks too.
Thank you.
I will let you know if I need your help.
Okay, I just wanted you to know I could translate for you too.
How would that work? You know French? No, but I sure know English.
I will think about it, but I had better get washed.
Your mother made me a sandwich and I just want to clean up a little before she thinks I am rude.
Okay, the bathroom's right across the hall.
Thank you.
Oh.
Excusez-moi, Miss Fleur.
Ruthie.
It's Ruthie.
Stupid Americans.
- See you.
- Where are you going? - We've got a guest in the house.
- I'm going out.
Well, what about Guy? He said he was tired.
He doesn't really wanna go out.
Well, great.
Stay home and entertain him.
Dad, it's a Friday night.
I've got a date.
You were gonna leave him here too, and you invited him here.
I'm going down to the church to work on my Sunday sermon.
- Why can't you work on it at home? - I, uh - I left my computer at the church.
- Right, how convenient.
Okay, just be back at 9:00.
It's a date.
Besides, my curfew's midnight.
What's Guy supposed to do till midnight? I don't know.
Maybe you should've thought about that.
Go.
Have a good time.
So, what do French men consider to be the most beautiful part of a woman? Her face, her body or her mind? You are forgetting the most important part.
The eyes.
A woman's eyes are the windows to her soul.
Why don't you just let Guy do that? Why don't you ask him that, s'il vous plaît? Don't worry, I'm sure he'll fall in step with the other kids soon enough.
Oh.
Thank you.
- Where are you going? - Oh, I gotta go down to the church.
I just I forgot my computer.
I'll be right back.
Hey, Mom, have you seen Dad's computer plug thingamajig? Guy lent me his computer and I wanted to get as much use out of it as I could since Dad guards his with his life.
- Have you done your homework? - It's Friday night.
You know I do my homework on Sunday night.
I work best under pressure.
I'll do it tomorrow, okay.
Please? Okay, but tomorrow.
Don't wait till the last minute.
Okay.
Hey, Mom, since Dad just left and, hey, I was kind enough to give up my own room, can I plug this in in Dad's office? - I wanna surf the Net.
- Fine, but don't make a mess in there.
That's the good thing about computers, they're not messy.
A gentleman would never kiss and tell.
Where is such a beautiful woman going to this evening? I really don't have any plans, but I am always open to suggestions.
Well, where do all the young people go to have fun around here? Well, the movies, the diner, the pool hall.
Ah, the pool hall.
Le billiards.
We should go.
Oh.
I'd love to, that'd be great.
Um Well, yeah, it would be.
Except Dad took one car and Matt has the other one.
- What about le métro? - The metro? - What's that? - Uh - Le train, I'autobus.
- Oh.
Well, there's no train in Glenoak and the bus doesn't really run near here.
- What about a taxi? - Ha-ha.
A taxi would be expensive.
That would not be a problem.
A taxi to the pool hall? Sure, why not? We've only been in a cab once.
That's when we visited New York City three years ago with our parents.
Then it should be fun.
I'll hurry up and go change.
You know, I thought it might be just the two of us.
Yeah, that would have been nice, but we can't leave Lucy here now.
- Maybe tomorrow night? - Yes, tomorrow night.
The anticipation will get me through until then.
Hey, Mom.
Guy and I are gonna go to play some pool.
Oh, yeah, and Mary's gonna tag along.
And how do you plan on getting there? - Guy is going to pay for a cab.
- A cab? Maybe I should call your Dad at the church and see if he can bring the van home.
No, no, that wouldn't be any fun.
Besides, if Dad comes home and we're going out to the pool hall, then he's gonna wanna tag along, and then the whole night would be wrecked.
Please? Oh, yes, of course, wrecked.
What was I thinking? Are you sure about Guy and this cab? - Guy's got plenty of money.
- Oh, how nice for him.
All right, you can go, but you all have to be home at 10:00.
If we have to be back at 10:00, then what's the point of even going? Guy's gonna think I'm a big baby.
I don't really care what Guy thinks.
Be home at 10.
Merci.
- What's so funny? - Nothing bad, I promise.
I'm just checking out this Internet chat room for fans of The Tick.
They actually have a place to chat about that? Sure, Mom.
They have a chat room for everything.
Do you think you could show me how to look up something useful on the Internet? - Like what? - I don't know.
How about something for families hosting foreign exchange students? Wow.
I can't believe they have this much information on exchange students.
Now you sit down.
Try it out.
You might wanna narrow your search down to just the sites on French students.
This looks like a good one.
Does this one have a chat room too? I told you, Mom, they have a chat room for almost everything.
See all those people talking in the window there? Yeah.
Looks like they're talking about what to feed your French student.
Ha-ha.
Oh, wait a minute.
There's a RevCamden in there.
- That's Eric.
- Well, how about that.
Oh, my I'm gonna call him and tell him that we found him on the Internet.
You can't, you're using the phone line on the Internet.
But you could type something in right there if you wanna talk to Dad.
Log in with your name.
Um I thought you were working on your sermon.
Yikes.
Annie? Um Hey, Cyber Chick.
Cyber Chick? Is there a way I can talk to your father in private on here? Sure.
Just have him follow you into an empty chat room.
Here, I'll set it up.
There, I told him you'd be in this chat room.
He should be in here any minute.
- What is this? - Personal chat.
Okay, well, thanks, Simon.
I wanna talk to your father in private, okay? Just for a little bit.
All right? What a blast.
This is so Cosmo.
Chill.
Just act like you do this all the time.
Check it out, we're being stared at.
Thanks a lot, have a good night.
I thought I lost my SuperBall in here.
Nice try, but I don't think it bounced into Guy's closed suitcase.
- Hey, wait.
Cigarettes.
- I think you'd better put those back.
I could do that or I could just try one.
Just to see how disgusting they really are.
If I were Dad, I'd make you smoke the whole pack in one sitting, and then you'd never wanna smoke again.
- Cool, where's Dad? - He's at the church.
Where's Matt? He's a real man.
He'd make me smoke them.
He's out.
But hey, I'm a man.
- Oh, yeah? Light one up, bro.
- Oh, no, I'm not gonna light it.
If you're old enough to smoke, you're old enough to light it.
I can't.
I'm not allowed to play with matches.
You're not allowed to smoke either, Einstein.
Yeah, but I like to learn stuff the hard way.
- Why? - Because then I remember it longer.
If you smoke enough to get sick, you'll remember it the rest of your life.
Exactly.
You know you want one.
I can't believe they think they're in a private chat room.
This is great.
Boys? Are you on that Internet thing again? No, Mom, we're just doing our homework.
- Are you almost done? Yes, ma'am.
Did you know Reverend Camden had a French student at his house? He takes in all kinds of people, why not the French? - No wonder they got kids.
- Yeah.
Great break, Guy.
My turn.
So, Lucy, now it is my turn to ask you a personal question.
Tell me.
What do you think about a man who tries to kiss on the first date? What are they doing here? Everybody, this is Michelle.
Michelle, this is Mary and Lucy and Guy, the one I told you about.
Michelle studied in Paris for a summer.
I can't believe anyone could actually smoke a whole pack of these things.
Then more packs and more packs.
Day after day and year after year.
I think I'm gonna be sick again.
You never should have made me do this.
These things cause cancer, you know.
You're the one who got me to light up.
Yeah, like Mom and Dad are gonna believe that one.
I think I'm gonna throw up.
You bet You better go get Mom, girl.
Please, Happy.
Go get her.
I'm too young to be a dad.
How long have I been on this thing? Whoa.
What's wrong, girl? Is it the kids? What is wrong with you two? What is that smell? Is that smoke? Simon made me do it.
Uh-uh.
Ruthie made me do it.
Oh, of course.
Your 6-year-old sister made you smoke cigarettes? He thought it was what Dad would do.
- Crazy, huh, Mom? - Do these belong to Guy? Ruthie found them in his suitcase.
What were you doing in his suitcase? My head hurts too bad to remember.
Well, you should go to bed.
You'll feel better in the morning.
We can talk then.
Come on.
Hey, wait, wait.
I don't feel any better than she does.
No, but you should have known better, giving a cigarette to a 6-year-old.
I can't believe it.
- Okay, now I wanna go.
- Me too.
- Now.
- Why don't you get Guy to call a cab? Matt, would you be so kind as to drive them? I will take Michelle home.
Matt, could you please just run them home? It's so great to speak French with someone again.
Yeah, looks that way.
Come on, let's go.
Whoa.
Wow.
If you weren't my wife, my face would be red.
Okay, write this.
"I can't help myself, you are so hot.
In fact, from now on, I'm calling you " - Reverend SpiceBoy.
- Yeah.
Reverend SpiceBoy.
Ha.
I love it.
Ha-ha.
Why are you two so late? And why are you so early? And where is Guy? I'd like a word with him.
- He's at the pool hall with my date.
- You mean, your date is with my date.
He's my date.
We just took you because you invited yourself.
The two of you are not dating anyone who lives in this house.
Hi.
I think we need to talk.
What can I tell you, Monsieur Camden? You can tell me how my youngest children had access to cigarettes.
I certainly did not give them cigarettes.
They must have gone through my suitcase.
And believe me, if I thought that anyone was going to go snooping through my personal belongings, I would've put them somewhere else.
I really thought I was safe from this sort of thing in America.
Okay, kids were wrong to go through your things.
- My personal things.
- Your personal things.
But still, I can't have anybody smoking in my house.
I agree.
But a lot of young people smoke in Europe.
And since I've came to America, I've been trying to quit.
- It's so addictive.
- Yeah, it is, but I believe that the tobacco companies have targeted France.
Well, who smokes the most? The French.
- We are victims of a terrible crime.
- I don't know, but In France, it's almost impossible to quit.
The addiction was passed from generation to generation.
Now I wear the patch.
I show you.
No, it's okay, I believe you.
Let's put the issue of smoking aside for a minute, because there's There's another thing that concerns me even more.
I am all ears.
Well My last one.
I swear.
Well, it seems that both Mary and Lucy think that you're interested in them.
I mean, very interested in them.
- Moi? - Oui.
This most certainly is a cultural misunderstanding.
You see, sometimes women get the wrong impression about the French men because we love them.
All of them.
We are as addicted to women as we are to cigarettes.
Well, that's very interesting, Guy, but it doesn't really address my concerns.
I have a girlfriend at home and we have been dating for the past few years, but we are too young to be so serious.
I was hoping maybe to get some advice from Mary and Lucy, that's all.
I mean, they are both so pretty and intelligent, wonderful, so full of life, like their mother.
Quite a woman, ah? Ah.
Mm.
And Matt.
Matt has very good taste in women too.
And such a confident man to have encouraged me to stay and chat with his girlfriend so the two of us could speak French.
Me, I would have been too jealous to be so generous.
But Matt? No, no.
And why should he be anything less than confident, with a man like you for a father? You'll tell Matt I sent Michelle home in a taxi? Yeah, well.
Yeah, I think that I cannot tell you how nice it was to be able to speak my native language with a young woman, after struggling with this English for the past few weeks.
Matt must have known that.
A sensitive man as well.
I was wondering, if it is not too much of an imposition, perhaps you would like to shoot a game of pool.
Ah.
Well, I guess we could.
He told you he was on the patch? You think he'd lie about something like that? - I'll believe it when I see it.
- Well, I believe that he's trying to quit.
Evidently, he blames the tobacco industry.
Oh He smokes French cigarettes.
They have their own tobacco companies.
Look, honey, I know you want this thing with Guy to work itself out, but there's just too many holes in the dam.
And personally, I don't know how comfortable I feel with Guy under the same roof as our daughters.
Once I tell Lucy and Mary that Guy has a girlfriend back in France, I'm sure they'll understand.
So when are we getting rid of the pig? Insulting our guest isn't doing anything to foster international relations.
That means we're supposed to make all of France like all of America by being nice to this guy.
Well, I think we all know that's not going to happen.
It could happen.
I heard you two went through Guy's belongings, stole his cigarettes and smoked them.
Who told you that? Oops.
I expect both of you to apologise to Guy.
And you are not allowed to - Smoke again, ever.
- Ever.
So basically, my plan worked.
- See? It was her.
- She's 6.
So when are we kicking out the creep? We can't.
We have to make France like us first.
You wanna take responsibility for what happened last night? Isn't it possible that you gave Guy the impression that you were interested in him? Dad, he took us to the pool hall in a cab.
What are we supposed to think? It's a good idea if both of you keep your distance from Guy for the time being.
- It's fine with me.
- Me too.
I'd like to put an entire continent between me and Guy.
Yeah, double that.
- If I have to look at Guy one more day, there's gonna be a dead frog on our doorstep.
Is it just me? Am I the only one here who's willing to give this guy, Guy, a break here? Am I the only one who would like to expand our global awareness? You know, broaden our cultural experiences? Yes.
- Oh.
I'm sorry you feel that way.
I will leave immediately.
Okay.
Who wants to be first in the apology line? All right, then, we'll do it in order of size.
Ruthie? Go.
I better go with her.
Sometimes her apologies don't sound like apologies.
Do you want some help? What she means is, can we help you unpack? You just got here, you can't be going.
True, but I am.
Okay.
Bye.
This apology will go much better if you say nothing.
Look, we're really sorry.
We shouldn't have gone through your things.
- Americans aren't like that.
- But you are like that.
Okay, maybe Ruthie and I are like that Were like that.
but I swear we will never do that again.
And we'd love it for you to stay and teach us about France.
I hear it's a wonderful country.
Oh, it is a wonderful country.
I miss it terribly and I want to go home.
Well, as long as you're not leaving because of us.
Not at all.
Now, if you don't mind.
Okay.
Well, see you later.
Hi.
We're sorry about last night.
Yeah, we take full responsibility for leading you on.
- We got what we deserved.
- Please don't go.
I have to.
I miss my girlfriend.
You see, since the first day we met, we have never been apart for more than 24 hours.
And every day that we see each other, we fall in love all over again.
That is so romantic.
I'm sure my parents will let you call her or you could write her and, you know, it'll just be another couple of weeks and you'll be back home again.
I have called her and heard her sweet voice and I've gotten her letters that warm my heart, but it is not the same as seeing her and I'm ready to go.
So will you write or call me when you get back to France? Of course.
I will stay in touch.
And remember, girls, we will always have Glenoak.
Ha.
Yeah.
Have a nice trip.
Au revoir.
Ah, whatever.
Hey, Guy, come on.
You know, you've hardly given us a shot.
All the kids want you to stay and Annie and I want you to stay.
Yes, please stay.
You know, I took French cooking lessons.
I can make a really mean crêpe suzette.
That is kind of you.
Both of you.
But the truth is, I am homesick and I want to go back to France.
So I have to go to summer school.
At least it will be in the city I love with people I love.
Yes.
Okay, well, I'll I'll take you to the airport.
Merci.
Oh.
Stupid Americans.
We heard that.
How about a little pick-me-up? - You read my mind.
- I always do.
What's wrong? Well, Guy should be halfway home by now.
- You miss him, huh? - A little.
I just can't believe how things didn't work out.
Well I can't believe that a country as culturally rich as France, a country who gave us its wine and cheeses, Monet, Molière, Deneuve, Depardieu, the Statue of Liberty, also gave us Guy.
Come on, you liked him a little, didn't you? Well, I liked his computer.
Hm-hm.
Well, uh, SpiceBoy liked his computer too.
I just wish that somebody, anybody had gotten anything positive or just some appreciation or understanding of French culture from Guy's living with us, but Darn, SpiceBoy must have gone back to writing sermons.
Yeah, but church is never gonna be the same.
Well, vive la France.