7th Heaven s03e01 Episode Script
It Takes Two, Baby
Whew! Hey, you.
Me? How is it that I'm the one who has to watch every single morsel of food that I put into my mouth, and yet those crumbs turn into pounds, and more pounds and more pounds, despite the fact that I've already puked up most of what I ate the day before by the time I get out of bed the next morning.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
We're fat and we're sick.
And tired.
You know, I am really, really tired.
It's not like having a baby at 20 or 30.
I am Old.
Heh.
And I've got 6 months to go.
to wear clothes That make me look Like you're having a baby.
Our baby.
Yeah, our big fat baby.
Yeah, she's right, you know? You know that I was 7 months pregnant with Matt before I was in maternity clothes? And now, at 3 months, look at me, huh? I'm fat! I'm old, I'm tired, and I'm fat.
Yeah, I can't get in nothin' of mine neither.
You can't get into anything, ruthie, and you don't fit into your clothes 'cause you're getting bigger, and that's 'cause you're getting older.
Yeah.
Just like mommy.
Ha! All right.
It's ok.
Honey, it's gonna be ok.
It's not gonna be ok.
It's only gonna get worse.
I'm only gonna get fatter and older and tireder and fatter.
And then when I'm at my fattest and oldest and tiredest and fattest, then I have to give birth to my fattest baby ever, probably with a world-record head.
You see? It's not fair.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, if you ask me, the only thing that you daddies have to do with making a baby is the fun part.
Yeah.
7th heaven When I see their happy faces smilin' back at me 7th heaven I know there's no greater feelin' Than the love of a family Where can you go When the world don't treat you right? The answer is home That's the one place that you'll find 7th heaven Mmm, 7th heaven 7th heaven Dad.
Careful.
Don't make me lose my concentration, or I might forget something, and we don't want that, because the whole key to my life right now is focus.
Focus, focus, focus.
What?! Dad.
I i just want to know if mom was feeling any better.
She can't fit into her pants, ok? She can't fit into her pants.
She's not gonna feel happy until she can.
I've been down this road 5 times, and it's a long, cranky road.
Meanwhile, I have to find someplace to take her for our 20th anniversary that's appropriately romantic, yet doesn't remind her that I'm the one that got her too big to fit into her pants.
I remember when you put on a few pounds.
You were cranky, too.
Yeah, but that was different.
I wasn't providing a nurturing environment for a developing human being, and I have to say that if I were I think I'd be thrilled.
I'd I'd be elated.
I'd be Miserable.
You know, you think you know what it's like, but you don't.
You really don't.
You know nothing.
Nothing.
Hey, are you gonna drop the kids off on the way to registration? Well, it's not exactly on the way.
Uh yes, of course I can.
Uh, anything else I can do for you? Uh Yes.
If you ever get married, and your wife is ever pregnant, just admit that she's the one having the baby, not the two of you, not you and her, just her.
She's having the baby.
The woman has the baby.
Ok? Just do me that one favor.
Promise.
And don't make promises you can't keep.
Ok.
Yes, I'm wearing your pants.
Whew.
Hang in there.
It's only what, 6 months? Yes, son.
And while I try to balance the demands of the church with those of my pregnant wife You'll be right here sharing the misery and joy with your dear old dad.
Not if I can help it.
I'm gonna check out housing today, just in case they had a cancellation.
I saved my money this summer.
I thought you were going to get a car with your money.
The way I see it, a car gets me away from the house during the day, whereas a room on campus gets me away day and night.
Yet I'm still close by if I ever want to visit or eat or do laundry.
Or borrow the car.
Yeah.
We only have 2 cars in this family, and Mary god help us is going to be driving in a matter of weeks.
That still leaves one car.
Yes, it leaves my car.
You saw the pants, dad.
You're not going anywhere.
Ha.
Yeah.
I'm telling you, I know why I lost Kenny this summer, and that's because I wasn't following the rules.
The rules? The gigantic best-selling book ever on how to get a man.
There's a book? Yeah.
And I'm following this book no matter what.
Whoever the next guy is that I go out with is the guy that I'm going to marry.
I'm telling you, there are no rules.
Each guy is different.
Every relationship is different.
Yeah, well, if you're such an expert, maybe Wilson would have thought about sticking around town to go to college.
Well, maybe I didn't want him to.
Maybe I like going out with lots of guys.
What lots of guys? Nothing for me.
Just some soda crackers and maybe something that fizzes, please.
Maybe your tummy will be better by lunchtime.
Mommy's always is.
Give me an extra paper bag just in case it isn't.
Just in case what isn't? My morning sickness.
Oh, give it up.
You are not sick.
You are not tired and you are not fat! You're just trying to get attention.
Mommy! Yeah.
They get hurt, and they always ask for mommy, even when dad's standing right there.
Simon.
It would be a great help if you could just be a little nicer to ruthie.
This isn't an easy time for her.
It's not an easy time for me either, dad.
I know that, but ruthie's just a little girl, ok? Yeah, you say that like being a little girl's a weakness or something.
I mean, if you believe girls are weak, try spending a day in my shoes.
Simon, let's go! That's not what I meant.
I didn't mean that at all.
You didn't mean what at all? I just told Simon to be a little nicer to ruthie because she's a little girl, meaning that Oh, I know what you meant.
And if you think women are so delicate, why don't you try passing an 8-pound kidney stone.
Anything I can do today to make your life just a little easier, honey? Yes, if you wanted to, you could go to the market for me.
Oh, I'd be delighted.
Here's the list.
Stick to it.
Ok.
Ann.
Would you change places with Laura so she can see the board? This is going to be a very good year for us.
I don't believe in going anywhere without my lipstick.
It's a rule.
A rule, huh? Just how many of these stupid rules are there? They're not stupid.
They work.
That's why I'm a rules girl.
I bet I can get more guys than you can by breaking all the rules.
This isn't a contest.
It isn't about who can get the most guys.
It's about who can get the guy.
It's about finding the love of your life.
Well, let the finding begin.
Guess who.
I don't know, but I'd like to take my time guessing.
Surprised? Hey, I didn't know you were going to college here.
Yeah, I'm going to audit a few courses this fall, and if I do ok, then I'll officially enroll in January and become a regular student like everybody else.
That's great.
I'm sure you'll do fine.
Thanks.
So what are you looking for? Oh, uh A room, an apartment to share, a big cardboard box.
Anything to get out of my parents' house.
I was away all summer in D.
C.
And trying to fit in back has been a little harder than anticipated really? Me and my 2 girlfriends are looking for a fourth roommate for a 2-bedroom.
It's walking distance to campus.
Me and Why not? Hey! This little piggy went to market, and I got some fantastic grub.
On-the-list grub? Uh, that, too.
You know what I was thinking? I'm thinking that, uh, maybe I'll cook up a little anniversary dinner for the two of us tomorrow, and then I'll send the kids off so we can have the house all to ourselves.
How's that? Ok.
But first of all, I know you're only doing that because I'm wearing your pants and you're ashamed to be seen with me.
And secondly, you can't cook.
And thirdly, I'm not crazy about the way you clean up, so thanks, but I don't think so.
But, honey, it's our It's our 20th anniversary.
I'd like to do something nice for you.
Well, fine.
Then find somewhere that doesn't serve chicken where I can wear these pants.
That would be nice.
Ok.
Why can't they serve chicken? Because I had my last chicken last night, and I'm never eating chicken again.
I don't want to hear the word chicken, I don't want to look at it, feel it, taste it, or smell it ever again, as long as I live.
Chicken was not on the list.
I know.
I'll take care of it.
I'm exhausted.
Must be all of this extra weight I've been carrying around.
Honey, how about a nap? I'll meet you on the living room couch.
Don't ask.
Hello.
Uh, yeah.
Just a moment, please.
It's for Mary.
I'll tell her, dad.
Mary! Phone! That should do it.
Thanks, Simon.
Yeah, no problem.
Sure, I'd love to go out Friday night.
Great.
So just give me a call before you come over.
All right.
I'll see you then.
Bye.
Oh, I guess that makes the score 1-nothing.
This is not a contest.
Ooh, I'll get it.
Hello? Oh, hey, Jordan.
It's for me.
Oh, thanks, Jordan.
I wish I could, but I'm not allowed to go out on a school night.
But you could come over and we could shoot some hoops tonight.
Cool.
Ok, bye.
Maybe I should cut my hair even shorter.
This is not a contest.
Oh, yes, it is.
So, can I get you two some pillows and a blanket? You feeling ok? I'm just a little tired.
Me, too.
So, uh How's your housing search going? Uh, pretty well.
You remember Connie.
Sure.
Yeah, well, I ran into her on campus, and she and 2 other girls want me to move in with them.
Move in? You and 3 women? It's not definite yet.
Look, I know what you're thinking, but it's not like when you were in school.
It's very common for men and women to share housing.
We're more mature at our age than you were.
Connie and I are just friends.
They have an apartment within walking distance to campus.
So if we split the rent 4 ways, it's actually cheaper than a dorm.
Probably quieter.
Well It's your life, and it's your money.
Right.
She can have your room painted like a nursery in 24 hours, so just make sure you know what you're doing, ok.
You don't know what you're doing.
He is really cool.
Laid back.
He's the perfect roommate.
Well, he is nice? Very.
He is the oldest in a big family.
So he knows how to share.
And he is very responsible.
We are not going to be able to walk around in the apartment in our underwear with a guy here.
I'm more worry about him walking around in his underwear.
Who wants to see that? Look just give me a chance.
Hi, Matt.
Hi.
Come in.
Hi.
Hi.
Hello.
Hey.
So, when can you move in? I think maybe you should introduce yourselves first.
Uh, Amanda, Charlotte, this is Matt.
Hi.
Hi.
Nice to meet you.
Both of you.
Matt, why don't I show you what would be your bedroom.
The three of us are going to take the bigger one.
Whoa.
Nice.
Very nice.
Gor-geous.
I'll give it a go.
I'm game.
So what did you think? Looks great.
Ok, but if we're gonna do this, I think we should have some rules.
Sure.
Of course.
Rules.
Oh, absolutely.
Like what? Like, uh, no one dates anyone.
Oh, that's right.
That wouldn't work at all.
Yeap.
No.
What else? Um, no sleep-over guests.
And no parties, unless we all agree.
And I think we should split everything evenly, you know.
That includes rent, groceries, and the electric bill.
So There's no reason why this shouldn't work out.
Right? Right.
So, you think maybe you guys will win a few games this season? We'd better.
I think we have a pretty good shot at the district, but were going to need a lot better play from our guards this year.
Yeah.
So do the Lakers.
Ouch.
Laura, I have to get off the phone.
I have to study for the test.
But I thought we could study for the test together.
On the phone? Yeah.
But we don't have to study the whole time.
We can talk about other stuff.
I can't.
There's only one phone line in this house.
Then you should just come over.
I can't.
It's a school night.
Well, then you should sneak out and come over.
That would never work.
I mean, even if I could sneak out, I'd never be able to sneak back in.
There are 7 people in this house.
So just tell your parents I forgot my book and I have to borrow yours.
Just to copy the pages.
It won't take that long.
I can't.
Don't you want to be my boyfriend? I love being your girlfriend.
Uh, hey, dad, could you drive me over to Laura's house? She forgot her history book.
She wants to borrow mine just to copy the pages.
Well, i you know, I'm kind of busy.
Can't Laura's dad just drive her over here? Her dad's not home.
Besides, we don't have a copier.
She does.
Look, I'm going to help you find your keys whether you decide to take me or not.
Ok.
Ok.
I'll drop you off, I'll swing by the church, pick up my notes for my sermon, and then pick you back up.
Thanks.
I must have left them there when I was unloading the groceries.
Dad, mom wants something from the dairy shack.
Banana split.
I'll come along.
Fine.
All I need is my wallet and we're all set.
No, no.
We'll just get you something.
You don't have to come along.
I have to drop Simon off at his friend's house.
Who, Laura? Since when did everyone start dating on school nights? It's not a date.
I want to go, too.
Mommy said I could.
Do you all have to come? Is it a date or isn't it? It's not a date.
Simon doesn't date.
Oh, hey, you guys, um This is my friend Jordan.
Hi.
Oh.
Hi.
Nice to meet you.
Hey.
There's something really familiar about your dad.
Hello, Mrs.
Camden.
Hi, Connie.
How are you? I'm fine, thank you.
I like those pants.
Those are very cool.
Oh, thank you.
And, yes, I'm pregnant.
Congratulations! Matt didn't tell me.
I i didn't know if I was supposed to.
Well, I don't think I'm going to be able to keep it a secret much longer.
Uh, well, do you need some help doing whatever you're doing? Oh, I'd love some help.
You see, I can't take anything chicken right now.
Well, you know, we could take all the chicken over to our new apartment.
Oh you're moving.
Yeah.
I just came by to get a couple things.
The girls thought it would be fun if all of us were there for our first night.
I also thought we'd feel safer with the apartment being new to all of us.
Uh, well, why don't I go up and put a few things together for you? Oh, that's ok, mom.
I'll do it.
Uh, no.
You two get the chicken.
It's just so icky.
Uh uh that was nice, but, um What about the rules? The rules.
Sorry.
We'll be like brother and sister, I promise.
Oh.
All right.
Hey.
My dad's gonna swing back by in about 15 minutes to pick me up.
Great.
15 minutes.
Hi there, Simon.
How does he know my name? Because you're my boyfriend, silly.
Wait, I thought you said your dad wasn't home.
That's why my dad had to drive me over.
Besides all that, what's he going to think of me? It's ok.
We're an affectionate family.
Look, I think we'd better just copy this stuff.
We don't have a copier.
You lied.
Of course I lied.
You wanted to see me, didn't you? That'll be 13.
75, please.
Ok.
Uh, there's just a little problem.
This isn't my wallet.
It seems that I left my wallet at home, which no, no, no.
The thing is, my wife is having a baby, and, well, you know how that is.
Or not.
Look, mister, I don't own the dairy shack, I just work here.
You know how that is.
Right.
Do you have the money or not? The one time I need the bank of Simon.
Ok, well, I'll just Ah! Well, uh, would you be willing to hold on to this $100 bill until I can come back with something a little smaller? It's ok.
I'm the minister at the glenoak community church.
Sure you are, buddy.
So this picture of a naked lady must be a Saint.
What? It fell out of your wallet.
It did? I mean, it's not my wallet.
My dad borrowed You have lipstick on your face.
I believe this belongs to you.
I thought it was my son Matt's.
Oh, yeah, like Matt has a jacket that cool.
Hey, it's ok.
Uh, I took this by mistake, too.
And, well, since I didn't have my wallet, I owe you 13.
75.
No, actually, I owe you 100 because they're holding your 100 hostage.
Oh, the 100? My dad makes me keep it for car emergencies.
It's not really mine to spend.
Pay me anytime.
Ok.
Uh How old are you? Oh.
Uh Just Just curious.
When's the last time you shaved? Right before I came over.
Uh, all the men in my family have heavy beards.
You know, uh, high testosterone levels.
It's a hereditary thing.
High testosterone.
Oh, goody.
Be right back.
What? What's wrong? Is that the biggest one they make? Yes.
I can always go back for another one.
No, you don't have to go back.
I have to go back anyway.
There's money in the coffee can in the kitchen cupboard.
Ok.
I'm getting your friend's money and another banana split.
He just left.
He said you could pay him back later.
Oh.
Uh Your friend, uh, also had a picture of a naked woman in his wallet.
Just out of curiosity, how do you feel about that? Well, I feel like every time you ask me how I feel about something, you don't want to know how I feel, you want to tell me how you feel.
Oh.
In that case, I don't like it.
Mmm.
I also don't like that he has $100.
Get me a chocolate shake.
Chocolate shake, right.
Chocolate shake.
I found my wallet.
See? This is my wallet.
So the wallet with the picture of the naked woman I had before wasn't mine.
As you can see, this is my wallet, with my money.
I was supposed to get the money from the kitchen cupboard on my way out, but I forgot because I got distracted by the owner of the other wallet.
You're starting to give me the creeps.
Yeah.
Can I help? Thanks.
I think I got it.
I feel really cheap taking this, but if I don't keep that 100 in my wallet, my father will kill me.
Does he make you keep that picture of the naked woman in your wallet, too? It's not what you think.
My brother gave me this wallet as a birthday gift, and he put the picture in as a joke.
I've just never taken it out.
Does Lucy know about the picture, too? How come I never see her around? Oh, she's a rulesgirl.
She doesn't get around.
What's a rulesgirl? They have, like, this handbook or something with all these rules in it for getting a guy to marry you.
How old is Lucy? 14.
Isn't she a little young to be thinking about marriage? Yeah, I know.
Crazy.
Uh, hey, Mary, are we still on for Friday night? Yep, we're on.
Look, I'll talk to you later, ok? And tell your dad thanks for the money.
Ok.
Oh, hey, Brad.
Did you hear they're doing another Star Trek festival at the rialto this weekend? Yeah, you want to go? Saturday? It's a date.
All right.
So how are those rules working for you? This isn't a popularity contest.
Fine.
I'll just look at it as an experiment in proving that the rules don't work.
They work.
I'm sure they work.
Please let them work.
Hi, sweetie pie.
I, uh, stopped by that deli that you like and I picked up some vegetable soup, a tuna salad, and A fruit smoothie.
How does that sound? Like you think I'm fat, so you're buying me health food.
You're not fat, you're beautiful.
Have you seen me from behind? Yeah.
And? Beautiful.
I'm huge.
You're not huge.
I am huge! Honey, if I could be huge for you, I would, but I can't.
So you're saying that you agree with me that I'm huge.
No, it's not what I'm saying at all.
You're the most beautiful woman in the world to me.
Maybe to you, but to the rest of the world Forget the rest of the world.
You and me and the kids, that's my world.
I can't believe we've been married for 20 years.
I want to do something really special for our anniversary.
You know, whatever you want.
How about Chuck E.
Cheese? We haven't had pizza lately.
And why aren't we in school? I don't know about you, but I wasn't feeling too well.
Oh.
I'm a little gassy.
Oh.
Honey, why don't we go into the backyard and have lunch and sit in the sunshine? That will make us feel better.
Is this a good idea? I mean letting her come home from school.
I mean, we let her play this pregnancy thing all summer, but now that school's back in, shouldn't we She's in the second grade, not the space program.
How much can she miss? Right.
Right.
What? That is not tuna, that's chicken! No, no, no, I swear, it's tuna.
No, I know how you feel about chicken, so I made sure it's tuna.
I know chicken when I smell it, and that's chicken! I hate chicken! I can't take chicken! No problem.
I can make tuna.
Top right! Top right! We must be out.
It was on the list yesterday.
And so it was.
You're absolutely right.
Um, I'll be right back with some tuna if I have to catch the fish myself.
Do you mind doing a few errands while you're out? I'd love to.
Matt.
Amanda.
So, how'd you sleep last night? Fine.
I saw you last night in the kitchen.
Oh, I don't know what you saw, but there's nothing going on between me and Charlotte.
Well, let me just say that I want to be next in line for that same nothing.
Oh, boy.
Hey, you guys, we got our first mail.
Well, it's addressed to occupant, but it was in our mailbox.
I gotta get to class.
Ok, what's going on? Hmm.
Nothing.
Nothing with me, anyway.
Ok, you two, what exactly is going on? Sorry.
I couldn't help myself.
He was practically showing me his answers.
Mm-hmm.
Well, in that case, I guess you both can take the test over after school, in detention.
At least we'll be together.
Hey, rule breaker.
Amanda says she saw you kiss Charlotte last night.
Actually, it was Charlotte that kissed me, and it's not going to happen again.
You're right it's not going to happen again, because you're moving out.
Wait.
Why do I have to move? Why can't Charlotte move out? Because you're the problem.
I'm not the problem.
And for your information, Amanda came on to me, too.
As a matter of fact, so did you.
Oh, and you did nothing to make any of us come on to you.
No, I didn't.
Do you know what you are? You are just You're just You're a guy.
Hi.
Hi.
Nice color.
Oh, thanks.
Are you free Saturday night? Free? Available.
Would you like to go out? Tomorrow night? Yes, tomorrow night.
"Never accept a date after Wednesday.
" Sorry, I already have plans.
Otherwise I'd love to go out.
Well, what about next Saturday night? Saturday would be nice.
Uh, but there is this one thing.
Aren't you dating my sister? We didn't exactly go out.
I mean, we played basketball.
Besides, I'm not interested in Mary as anything other than a friend.
I see.
So are we on? Sure.
But who's going to tell Mary? I'll make you a deal.
I'll tell Mary if you'll tell your dad.
Ok.
See you next Saturday.
Oh, but do me a favor.
Toss that picture, would you? Yeah.
What was that? Um, Jordan was looking for you.
He has something he wants to tell you.
Hey.
How'd you get home? I took the bus so I could get the car.
What happened that was so serious that you had to resort to public transportation? I'm moving out, that's what happened.
But it's not my fault.
I didn't do anything.
Well, you did something.
You moved in.
So? So, just take responsibility.
For what? For possibly not making the best decision in the world.
You know, why is everyone blaming me for all this? I don't even know what all this is.
And no, I'm not blaming you at all.
No blame.
Sounds like blame.
No, no, no.
No blame.
No.
Again I'm no.
I'm talking about taking responsibility, which is a very attractive quality in a person, even if you assume responsibility for something that's clearly and solely the fault of another person who absolutely can't control what she's doing or saying.
Are you talking to me or you? I'm delaying going into the house.
Why? Well, I think you might want to take responsibility for getting mom in a better mood.
Because in a way, we could blame you.
You know what? I can get her in a better mood, and I know just how I'm going to do it.
Oh, you finished already, Laura? Sorry about before, Ms.
Hanover.
I really wasn't cheating.
I know the material really well.
I kind of have a photographic memory.
I was just looking at Simon's paper to see how well he was doing.
You know, because he's my boyfriend.
But next time, keep your eyes on your own paper, even if Simon is your boyfriend.
Look, I'm desperate.
You've gotta help me.
Look Please.
It it Well, it's our anniversary, and No no, any time that you have available.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yes, I'll hold.
I would love to know how you stole my boyfriend.
Boyfriend? You just played basketball with him once.
It was still a date.
Not really.
Oh, yeah? I kissed him good night.
Ha! Bet you didn't know that, did you, rulesgirl? I don't care, because you know why? Kiss or no kiss, you lose and I win.
Or if you want to look at it in another way, I win and you lose.
Ha ha.
Hey, you're the one who wanted to turn this into a big popularity contest.
Ok, maybe I did, but I only did it because I was annoyed that you blamed yourself for Kenny.
It wasn't your fault that things didn't work out, and I didn't want you to start playing some game with these rules and then start thinking that you were a loser when they didn't work out.
But I guess sometimes they do.
I'm sorry I went off on you.
I'm really lucky to have you as a sister.
Why, 'cause my dates like you best? Yeah.
You can't keep doing what you're doing.
You're gonna ruin me.
Ruin you how, financially? No, morally.
You're really upset, aren't you? That's cute.
I'm not cute.
Sure you are.
And don't worry, I'm sure it won't ruin you morally.
But if it makes you feel any better, I think you're going to make me a better person.
I believe that.
I really do.
Yeah, I'm not so sure.
I am.
You're the nicest guy in the whole world, and I'm just crazy about you.
Look, if we're going to be boyfriend and girlfriend, there have to be some rules.
First of all, no cheating, no making out in front of your dad, and no lying to my dad.
Thanks for packing my things.
You really shouldn't have since this was all my fault.
So you did kiss her? Let's just say I Didn't not kiss her.
And that's not the same to me as it probably is to you.
But who kissed whom isn't the problem here.
The problem is Living with 3 women is probably not going to work out for me.
I'm just sorry I didn't realize it before I upset everyone.
Well, thanks for apologizing.
And even though you're not going to be a roommate, maybe we can still be friends.
Yeah, I'd like to be friends with you.
But I'm really attracted to you, so that might not work out.
It's a very nice compliment.
It's the truth.
So, should I call you? Well, actually, I'm going to concentrate on my studies right now.
But, uh, once I get in school officially, then I'd love to go out with you again.
You mean like in January? Well, I guess this is good luck, good-bye, and I hope to see you in 1999.
Happy anniversary.
I made some plans, but we need to be there by 5:30.
Hmm.
It's 4:30.
It's now.
Yeah, well, you can wear whatever you want.
Even those pants.
Oh, it must be a really nice place.
Let's just say they don't serve chicken.
Oh, yeah.
Ha ha.
Oh, ok, ok, I'll try, but only because it's our anniversary.
Can you help me? Yeah.
Thank you.
What are we going to do with ruthie? Well, you just leave it all up to me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Great.
Girls, I need a favor.
Anything.
I talked your mom into going out and I need you to keep an eye on ruthie tonight.
Why anything? Because I need a favor, too.
I want permission to go out on a date next Saturday night with a really nice guy.
Oh, I'm sure that's probably ok as long as we know the guy.
Do we know the guy? How would you feel about my going out with Jordan? I'd feel lousy about it.
Still, you trusted Mary with him, so you trust me with him, right? I trust Mary.
I trust you.
I don't trust him.
But I'll try to change my mind.
Just make sure that ruthie is taken care of, and Simon, but don't let Simon know that he's being taken care of.
He's an adult now, and he has a girlfriend, who, by the way, I don't trust, either.
I got a date! Ok.
Now.
Aah! Well? You're the best.
Just stay right where you are.
I want to get the door for you.
This is the best anniversary we've ever had.
Yeah, it's pretty great, isn't it? I don't care if I'm old or fat or tired.
We're going to have a baby.
Yep, and we have a really clear picture.
Oh.
Whoa.
Well.
We'll have to take your word for it 'cause I can't make out a thing.
Let me help you with that.
Yeah? Little head.
Look.
Oh.
Sort of.
Thanks for going shopping with me.
You could have worn my pants.
I feel much better in this.
Thanks.
Ah, let's see.
Uh Maybe we should start with the wallet.
Oh, well.
Uh, we'll have a couple of burgers, fries, 2 diet sodas, and a A super-size banana split.
Mmm, 2.
Got it.
So is that the chick in the photo? Her? Yeah, that's right.
That's the woman in the photo.
Oh, yeah, that's her.
Man, you're like no minister I know.
Maybe I will go to church.
This is great! Well, I don't know how great it is, but it is a chicken-free environment.
Ahem.
What are you doing here? What's all this? Well, we, uh, knew where to find you, and this is just our way of saying Happy anniversary.
Well, hey, wait a minute.
Where's ruthie? Yes, sir, that's my baby No, sir, I don't mean maybe Yes, sir, that's my baby now Yes, ma'am, we've decided No, ma'am, we won't hide it Yes, ma'am, you're invited now Look at that.
Should we tell them? Tell us what? Go ahead.
We're having twins.
Yes, sir, that's my baby No, sir, I don't mean maybe Yes, sir, that's my baby now Yes, ma'am, we've decided No, ma'am, we won't hide it Yes, ma'am, you're invited now By the way By the way When we reach the preacher I'll say I'll say Yes, sir, that's my baby No, sir, I don't mean maybe
Me? How is it that I'm the one who has to watch every single morsel of food that I put into my mouth, and yet those crumbs turn into pounds, and more pounds and more pounds, despite the fact that I've already puked up most of what I ate the day before by the time I get out of bed the next morning.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
We're fat and we're sick.
And tired.
You know, I am really, really tired.
It's not like having a baby at 20 or 30.
I am Old.
Heh.
And I've got 6 months to go.
to wear clothes That make me look Like you're having a baby.
Our baby.
Yeah, our big fat baby.
Yeah, she's right, you know? You know that I was 7 months pregnant with Matt before I was in maternity clothes? And now, at 3 months, look at me, huh? I'm fat! I'm old, I'm tired, and I'm fat.
Yeah, I can't get in nothin' of mine neither.
You can't get into anything, ruthie, and you don't fit into your clothes 'cause you're getting bigger, and that's 'cause you're getting older.
Yeah.
Just like mommy.
Ha! All right.
It's ok.
Honey, it's gonna be ok.
It's not gonna be ok.
It's only gonna get worse.
I'm only gonna get fatter and older and tireder and fatter.
And then when I'm at my fattest and oldest and tiredest and fattest, then I have to give birth to my fattest baby ever, probably with a world-record head.
You see? It's not fair.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, if you ask me, the only thing that you daddies have to do with making a baby is the fun part.
Yeah.
7th heaven When I see their happy faces smilin' back at me 7th heaven I know there's no greater feelin' Than the love of a family Where can you go When the world don't treat you right? The answer is home That's the one place that you'll find 7th heaven Mmm, 7th heaven 7th heaven Dad.
Careful.
Don't make me lose my concentration, or I might forget something, and we don't want that, because the whole key to my life right now is focus.
Focus, focus, focus.
What?! Dad.
I i just want to know if mom was feeling any better.
She can't fit into her pants, ok? She can't fit into her pants.
She's not gonna feel happy until she can.
I've been down this road 5 times, and it's a long, cranky road.
Meanwhile, I have to find someplace to take her for our 20th anniversary that's appropriately romantic, yet doesn't remind her that I'm the one that got her too big to fit into her pants.
I remember when you put on a few pounds.
You were cranky, too.
Yeah, but that was different.
I wasn't providing a nurturing environment for a developing human being, and I have to say that if I were I think I'd be thrilled.
I'd I'd be elated.
I'd be Miserable.
You know, you think you know what it's like, but you don't.
You really don't.
You know nothing.
Nothing.
Hey, are you gonna drop the kids off on the way to registration? Well, it's not exactly on the way.
Uh yes, of course I can.
Uh, anything else I can do for you? Uh Yes.
If you ever get married, and your wife is ever pregnant, just admit that she's the one having the baby, not the two of you, not you and her, just her.
She's having the baby.
The woman has the baby.
Ok? Just do me that one favor.
Promise.
And don't make promises you can't keep.
Ok.
Yes, I'm wearing your pants.
Whew.
Hang in there.
It's only what, 6 months? Yes, son.
And while I try to balance the demands of the church with those of my pregnant wife You'll be right here sharing the misery and joy with your dear old dad.
Not if I can help it.
I'm gonna check out housing today, just in case they had a cancellation.
I saved my money this summer.
I thought you were going to get a car with your money.
The way I see it, a car gets me away from the house during the day, whereas a room on campus gets me away day and night.
Yet I'm still close by if I ever want to visit or eat or do laundry.
Or borrow the car.
Yeah.
We only have 2 cars in this family, and Mary god help us is going to be driving in a matter of weeks.
That still leaves one car.
Yes, it leaves my car.
You saw the pants, dad.
You're not going anywhere.
Ha.
Yeah.
I'm telling you, I know why I lost Kenny this summer, and that's because I wasn't following the rules.
The rules? The gigantic best-selling book ever on how to get a man.
There's a book? Yeah.
And I'm following this book no matter what.
Whoever the next guy is that I go out with is the guy that I'm going to marry.
I'm telling you, there are no rules.
Each guy is different.
Every relationship is different.
Yeah, well, if you're such an expert, maybe Wilson would have thought about sticking around town to go to college.
Well, maybe I didn't want him to.
Maybe I like going out with lots of guys.
What lots of guys? Nothing for me.
Just some soda crackers and maybe something that fizzes, please.
Maybe your tummy will be better by lunchtime.
Mommy's always is.
Give me an extra paper bag just in case it isn't.
Just in case what isn't? My morning sickness.
Oh, give it up.
You are not sick.
You are not tired and you are not fat! You're just trying to get attention.
Mommy! Yeah.
They get hurt, and they always ask for mommy, even when dad's standing right there.
Simon.
It would be a great help if you could just be a little nicer to ruthie.
This isn't an easy time for her.
It's not an easy time for me either, dad.
I know that, but ruthie's just a little girl, ok? Yeah, you say that like being a little girl's a weakness or something.
I mean, if you believe girls are weak, try spending a day in my shoes.
Simon, let's go! That's not what I meant.
I didn't mean that at all.
You didn't mean what at all? I just told Simon to be a little nicer to ruthie because she's a little girl, meaning that Oh, I know what you meant.
And if you think women are so delicate, why don't you try passing an 8-pound kidney stone.
Anything I can do today to make your life just a little easier, honey? Yes, if you wanted to, you could go to the market for me.
Oh, I'd be delighted.
Here's the list.
Stick to it.
Ok.
Ann.
Would you change places with Laura so she can see the board? This is going to be a very good year for us.
I don't believe in going anywhere without my lipstick.
It's a rule.
A rule, huh? Just how many of these stupid rules are there? They're not stupid.
They work.
That's why I'm a rules girl.
I bet I can get more guys than you can by breaking all the rules.
This isn't a contest.
It isn't about who can get the most guys.
It's about who can get the guy.
It's about finding the love of your life.
Well, let the finding begin.
Guess who.
I don't know, but I'd like to take my time guessing.
Surprised? Hey, I didn't know you were going to college here.
Yeah, I'm going to audit a few courses this fall, and if I do ok, then I'll officially enroll in January and become a regular student like everybody else.
That's great.
I'm sure you'll do fine.
Thanks.
So what are you looking for? Oh, uh A room, an apartment to share, a big cardboard box.
Anything to get out of my parents' house.
I was away all summer in D.
C.
And trying to fit in back has been a little harder than anticipated really? Me and my 2 girlfriends are looking for a fourth roommate for a 2-bedroom.
It's walking distance to campus.
Me and Why not? Hey! This little piggy went to market, and I got some fantastic grub.
On-the-list grub? Uh, that, too.
You know what I was thinking? I'm thinking that, uh, maybe I'll cook up a little anniversary dinner for the two of us tomorrow, and then I'll send the kids off so we can have the house all to ourselves.
How's that? Ok.
But first of all, I know you're only doing that because I'm wearing your pants and you're ashamed to be seen with me.
And secondly, you can't cook.
And thirdly, I'm not crazy about the way you clean up, so thanks, but I don't think so.
But, honey, it's our It's our 20th anniversary.
I'd like to do something nice for you.
Well, fine.
Then find somewhere that doesn't serve chicken where I can wear these pants.
That would be nice.
Ok.
Why can't they serve chicken? Because I had my last chicken last night, and I'm never eating chicken again.
I don't want to hear the word chicken, I don't want to look at it, feel it, taste it, or smell it ever again, as long as I live.
Chicken was not on the list.
I know.
I'll take care of it.
I'm exhausted.
Must be all of this extra weight I've been carrying around.
Honey, how about a nap? I'll meet you on the living room couch.
Don't ask.
Hello.
Uh, yeah.
Just a moment, please.
It's for Mary.
I'll tell her, dad.
Mary! Phone! That should do it.
Thanks, Simon.
Yeah, no problem.
Sure, I'd love to go out Friday night.
Great.
So just give me a call before you come over.
All right.
I'll see you then.
Bye.
Oh, I guess that makes the score 1-nothing.
This is not a contest.
Ooh, I'll get it.
Hello? Oh, hey, Jordan.
It's for me.
Oh, thanks, Jordan.
I wish I could, but I'm not allowed to go out on a school night.
But you could come over and we could shoot some hoops tonight.
Cool.
Ok, bye.
Maybe I should cut my hair even shorter.
This is not a contest.
Oh, yes, it is.
So, can I get you two some pillows and a blanket? You feeling ok? I'm just a little tired.
Me, too.
So, uh How's your housing search going? Uh, pretty well.
You remember Connie.
Sure.
Yeah, well, I ran into her on campus, and she and 2 other girls want me to move in with them.
Move in? You and 3 women? It's not definite yet.
Look, I know what you're thinking, but it's not like when you were in school.
It's very common for men and women to share housing.
We're more mature at our age than you were.
Connie and I are just friends.
They have an apartment within walking distance to campus.
So if we split the rent 4 ways, it's actually cheaper than a dorm.
Probably quieter.
Well It's your life, and it's your money.
Right.
She can have your room painted like a nursery in 24 hours, so just make sure you know what you're doing, ok.
You don't know what you're doing.
He is really cool.
Laid back.
He's the perfect roommate.
Well, he is nice? Very.
He is the oldest in a big family.
So he knows how to share.
And he is very responsible.
We are not going to be able to walk around in the apartment in our underwear with a guy here.
I'm more worry about him walking around in his underwear.
Who wants to see that? Look just give me a chance.
Hi, Matt.
Hi.
Come in.
Hi.
Hi.
Hello.
Hey.
So, when can you move in? I think maybe you should introduce yourselves first.
Uh, Amanda, Charlotte, this is Matt.
Hi.
Hi.
Nice to meet you.
Both of you.
Matt, why don't I show you what would be your bedroom.
The three of us are going to take the bigger one.
Whoa.
Nice.
Very nice.
Gor-geous.
I'll give it a go.
I'm game.
So what did you think? Looks great.
Ok, but if we're gonna do this, I think we should have some rules.
Sure.
Of course.
Rules.
Oh, absolutely.
Like what? Like, uh, no one dates anyone.
Oh, that's right.
That wouldn't work at all.
Yeap.
No.
What else? Um, no sleep-over guests.
And no parties, unless we all agree.
And I think we should split everything evenly, you know.
That includes rent, groceries, and the electric bill.
So There's no reason why this shouldn't work out.
Right? Right.
So, you think maybe you guys will win a few games this season? We'd better.
I think we have a pretty good shot at the district, but were going to need a lot better play from our guards this year.
Yeah.
So do the Lakers.
Ouch.
Laura, I have to get off the phone.
I have to study for the test.
But I thought we could study for the test together.
On the phone? Yeah.
But we don't have to study the whole time.
We can talk about other stuff.
I can't.
There's only one phone line in this house.
Then you should just come over.
I can't.
It's a school night.
Well, then you should sneak out and come over.
That would never work.
I mean, even if I could sneak out, I'd never be able to sneak back in.
There are 7 people in this house.
So just tell your parents I forgot my book and I have to borrow yours.
Just to copy the pages.
It won't take that long.
I can't.
Don't you want to be my boyfriend? I love being your girlfriend.
Uh, hey, dad, could you drive me over to Laura's house? She forgot her history book.
She wants to borrow mine just to copy the pages.
Well, i you know, I'm kind of busy.
Can't Laura's dad just drive her over here? Her dad's not home.
Besides, we don't have a copier.
She does.
Look, I'm going to help you find your keys whether you decide to take me or not.
Ok.
Ok.
I'll drop you off, I'll swing by the church, pick up my notes for my sermon, and then pick you back up.
Thanks.
I must have left them there when I was unloading the groceries.
Dad, mom wants something from the dairy shack.
Banana split.
I'll come along.
Fine.
All I need is my wallet and we're all set.
No, no.
We'll just get you something.
You don't have to come along.
I have to drop Simon off at his friend's house.
Who, Laura? Since when did everyone start dating on school nights? It's not a date.
I want to go, too.
Mommy said I could.
Do you all have to come? Is it a date or isn't it? It's not a date.
Simon doesn't date.
Oh, hey, you guys, um This is my friend Jordan.
Hi.
Oh.
Hi.
Nice to meet you.
Hey.
There's something really familiar about your dad.
Hello, Mrs.
Camden.
Hi, Connie.
How are you? I'm fine, thank you.
I like those pants.
Those are very cool.
Oh, thank you.
And, yes, I'm pregnant.
Congratulations! Matt didn't tell me.
I i didn't know if I was supposed to.
Well, I don't think I'm going to be able to keep it a secret much longer.
Uh, well, do you need some help doing whatever you're doing? Oh, I'd love some help.
You see, I can't take anything chicken right now.
Well, you know, we could take all the chicken over to our new apartment.
Oh you're moving.
Yeah.
I just came by to get a couple things.
The girls thought it would be fun if all of us were there for our first night.
I also thought we'd feel safer with the apartment being new to all of us.
Uh, well, why don't I go up and put a few things together for you? Oh, that's ok, mom.
I'll do it.
Uh, no.
You two get the chicken.
It's just so icky.
Uh uh that was nice, but, um What about the rules? The rules.
Sorry.
We'll be like brother and sister, I promise.
Oh.
All right.
Hey.
My dad's gonna swing back by in about 15 minutes to pick me up.
Great.
15 minutes.
Hi there, Simon.
How does he know my name? Because you're my boyfriend, silly.
Wait, I thought you said your dad wasn't home.
That's why my dad had to drive me over.
Besides all that, what's he going to think of me? It's ok.
We're an affectionate family.
Look, I think we'd better just copy this stuff.
We don't have a copier.
You lied.
Of course I lied.
You wanted to see me, didn't you? That'll be 13.
75, please.
Ok.
Uh, there's just a little problem.
This isn't my wallet.
It seems that I left my wallet at home, which no, no, no.
The thing is, my wife is having a baby, and, well, you know how that is.
Or not.
Look, mister, I don't own the dairy shack, I just work here.
You know how that is.
Right.
Do you have the money or not? The one time I need the bank of Simon.
Ok, well, I'll just Ah! Well, uh, would you be willing to hold on to this $100 bill until I can come back with something a little smaller? It's ok.
I'm the minister at the glenoak community church.
Sure you are, buddy.
So this picture of a naked lady must be a Saint.
What? It fell out of your wallet.
It did? I mean, it's not my wallet.
My dad borrowed You have lipstick on your face.
I believe this belongs to you.
I thought it was my son Matt's.
Oh, yeah, like Matt has a jacket that cool.
Hey, it's ok.
Uh, I took this by mistake, too.
And, well, since I didn't have my wallet, I owe you 13.
75.
No, actually, I owe you 100 because they're holding your 100 hostage.
Oh, the 100? My dad makes me keep it for car emergencies.
It's not really mine to spend.
Pay me anytime.
Ok.
Uh How old are you? Oh.
Uh Just Just curious.
When's the last time you shaved? Right before I came over.
Uh, all the men in my family have heavy beards.
You know, uh, high testosterone levels.
It's a hereditary thing.
High testosterone.
Oh, goody.
Be right back.
What? What's wrong? Is that the biggest one they make? Yes.
I can always go back for another one.
No, you don't have to go back.
I have to go back anyway.
There's money in the coffee can in the kitchen cupboard.
Ok.
I'm getting your friend's money and another banana split.
He just left.
He said you could pay him back later.
Oh.
Uh Your friend, uh, also had a picture of a naked woman in his wallet.
Just out of curiosity, how do you feel about that? Well, I feel like every time you ask me how I feel about something, you don't want to know how I feel, you want to tell me how you feel.
Oh.
In that case, I don't like it.
Mmm.
I also don't like that he has $100.
Get me a chocolate shake.
Chocolate shake, right.
Chocolate shake.
I found my wallet.
See? This is my wallet.
So the wallet with the picture of the naked woman I had before wasn't mine.
As you can see, this is my wallet, with my money.
I was supposed to get the money from the kitchen cupboard on my way out, but I forgot because I got distracted by the owner of the other wallet.
You're starting to give me the creeps.
Yeah.
Can I help? Thanks.
I think I got it.
I feel really cheap taking this, but if I don't keep that 100 in my wallet, my father will kill me.
Does he make you keep that picture of the naked woman in your wallet, too? It's not what you think.
My brother gave me this wallet as a birthday gift, and he put the picture in as a joke.
I've just never taken it out.
Does Lucy know about the picture, too? How come I never see her around? Oh, she's a rulesgirl.
She doesn't get around.
What's a rulesgirl? They have, like, this handbook or something with all these rules in it for getting a guy to marry you.
How old is Lucy? 14.
Isn't she a little young to be thinking about marriage? Yeah, I know.
Crazy.
Uh, hey, Mary, are we still on for Friday night? Yep, we're on.
Look, I'll talk to you later, ok? And tell your dad thanks for the money.
Ok.
Oh, hey, Brad.
Did you hear they're doing another Star Trek festival at the rialto this weekend? Yeah, you want to go? Saturday? It's a date.
All right.
So how are those rules working for you? This isn't a popularity contest.
Fine.
I'll just look at it as an experiment in proving that the rules don't work.
They work.
I'm sure they work.
Please let them work.
Hi, sweetie pie.
I, uh, stopped by that deli that you like and I picked up some vegetable soup, a tuna salad, and A fruit smoothie.
How does that sound? Like you think I'm fat, so you're buying me health food.
You're not fat, you're beautiful.
Have you seen me from behind? Yeah.
And? Beautiful.
I'm huge.
You're not huge.
I am huge! Honey, if I could be huge for you, I would, but I can't.
So you're saying that you agree with me that I'm huge.
No, it's not what I'm saying at all.
You're the most beautiful woman in the world to me.
Maybe to you, but to the rest of the world Forget the rest of the world.
You and me and the kids, that's my world.
I can't believe we've been married for 20 years.
I want to do something really special for our anniversary.
You know, whatever you want.
How about Chuck E.
Cheese? We haven't had pizza lately.
And why aren't we in school? I don't know about you, but I wasn't feeling too well.
Oh.
I'm a little gassy.
Oh.
Honey, why don't we go into the backyard and have lunch and sit in the sunshine? That will make us feel better.
Is this a good idea? I mean letting her come home from school.
I mean, we let her play this pregnancy thing all summer, but now that school's back in, shouldn't we She's in the second grade, not the space program.
How much can she miss? Right.
Right.
What? That is not tuna, that's chicken! No, no, no, I swear, it's tuna.
No, I know how you feel about chicken, so I made sure it's tuna.
I know chicken when I smell it, and that's chicken! I hate chicken! I can't take chicken! No problem.
I can make tuna.
Top right! Top right! We must be out.
It was on the list yesterday.
And so it was.
You're absolutely right.
Um, I'll be right back with some tuna if I have to catch the fish myself.
Do you mind doing a few errands while you're out? I'd love to.
Matt.
Amanda.
So, how'd you sleep last night? Fine.
I saw you last night in the kitchen.
Oh, I don't know what you saw, but there's nothing going on between me and Charlotte.
Well, let me just say that I want to be next in line for that same nothing.
Oh, boy.
Hey, you guys, we got our first mail.
Well, it's addressed to occupant, but it was in our mailbox.
I gotta get to class.
Ok, what's going on? Hmm.
Nothing.
Nothing with me, anyway.
Ok, you two, what exactly is going on? Sorry.
I couldn't help myself.
He was practically showing me his answers.
Mm-hmm.
Well, in that case, I guess you both can take the test over after school, in detention.
At least we'll be together.
Hey, rule breaker.
Amanda says she saw you kiss Charlotte last night.
Actually, it was Charlotte that kissed me, and it's not going to happen again.
You're right it's not going to happen again, because you're moving out.
Wait.
Why do I have to move? Why can't Charlotte move out? Because you're the problem.
I'm not the problem.
And for your information, Amanda came on to me, too.
As a matter of fact, so did you.
Oh, and you did nothing to make any of us come on to you.
No, I didn't.
Do you know what you are? You are just You're just You're a guy.
Hi.
Hi.
Nice color.
Oh, thanks.
Are you free Saturday night? Free? Available.
Would you like to go out? Tomorrow night? Yes, tomorrow night.
"Never accept a date after Wednesday.
" Sorry, I already have plans.
Otherwise I'd love to go out.
Well, what about next Saturday night? Saturday would be nice.
Uh, but there is this one thing.
Aren't you dating my sister? We didn't exactly go out.
I mean, we played basketball.
Besides, I'm not interested in Mary as anything other than a friend.
I see.
So are we on? Sure.
But who's going to tell Mary? I'll make you a deal.
I'll tell Mary if you'll tell your dad.
Ok.
See you next Saturday.
Oh, but do me a favor.
Toss that picture, would you? Yeah.
What was that? Um, Jordan was looking for you.
He has something he wants to tell you.
Hey.
How'd you get home? I took the bus so I could get the car.
What happened that was so serious that you had to resort to public transportation? I'm moving out, that's what happened.
But it's not my fault.
I didn't do anything.
Well, you did something.
You moved in.
So? So, just take responsibility.
For what? For possibly not making the best decision in the world.
You know, why is everyone blaming me for all this? I don't even know what all this is.
And no, I'm not blaming you at all.
No blame.
Sounds like blame.
No, no, no.
No blame.
No.
Again I'm no.
I'm talking about taking responsibility, which is a very attractive quality in a person, even if you assume responsibility for something that's clearly and solely the fault of another person who absolutely can't control what she's doing or saying.
Are you talking to me or you? I'm delaying going into the house.
Why? Well, I think you might want to take responsibility for getting mom in a better mood.
Because in a way, we could blame you.
You know what? I can get her in a better mood, and I know just how I'm going to do it.
Oh, you finished already, Laura? Sorry about before, Ms.
Hanover.
I really wasn't cheating.
I know the material really well.
I kind of have a photographic memory.
I was just looking at Simon's paper to see how well he was doing.
You know, because he's my boyfriend.
But next time, keep your eyes on your own paper, even if Simon is your boyfriend.
Look, I'm desperate.
You've gotta help me.
Look Please.
It it Well, it's our anniversary, and No no, any time that you have available.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yes, I'll hold.
I would love to know how you stole my boyfriend.
Boyfriend? You just played basketball with him once.
It was still a date.
Not really.
Oh, yeah? I kissed him good night.
Ha! Bet you didn't know that, did you, rulesgirl? I don't care, because you know why? Kiss or no kiss, you lose and I win.
Or if you want to look at it in another way, I win and you lose.
Ha ha.
Hey, you're the one who wanted to turn this into a big popularity contest.
Ok, maybe I did, but I only did it because I was annoyed that you blamed yourself for Kenny.
It wasn't your fault that things didn't work out, and I didn't want you to start playing some game with these rules and then start thinking that you were a loser when they didn't work out.
But I guess sometimes they do.
I'm sorry I went off on you.
I'm really lucky to have you as a sister.
Why, 'cause my dates like you best? Yeah.
You can't keep doing what you're doing.
You're gonna ruin me.
Ruin you how, financially? No, morally.
You're really upset, aren't you? That's cute.
I'm not cute.
Sure you are.
And don't worry, I'm sure it won't ruin you morally.
But if it makes you feel any better, I think you're going to make me a better person.
I believe that.
I really do.
Yeah, I'm not so sure.
I am.
You're the nicest guy in the whole world, and I'm just crazy about you.
Look, if we're going to be boyfriend and girlfriend, there have to be some rules.
First of all, no cheating, no making out in front of your dad, and no lying to my dad.
Thanks for packing my things.
You really shouldn't have since this was all my fault.
So you did kiss her? Let's just say I Didn't not kiss her.
And that's not the same to me as it probably is to you.
But who kissed whom isn't the problem here.
The problem is Living with 3 women is probably not going to work out for me.
I'm just sorry I didn't realize it before I upset everyone.
Well, thanks for apologizing.
And even though you're not going to be a roommate, maybe we can still be friends.
Yeah, I'd like to be friends with you.
But I'm really attracted to you, so that might not work out.
It's a very nice compliment.
It's the truth.
So, should I call you? Well, actually, I'm going to concentrate on my studies right now.
But, uh, once I get in school officially, then I'd love to go out with you again.
You mean like in January? Well, I guess this is good luck, good-bye, and I hope to see you in 1999.
Happy anniversary.
I made some plans, but we need to be there by 5:30.
Hmm.
It's 4:30.
It's now.
Yeah, well, you can wear whatever you want.
Even those pants.
Oh, it must be a really nice place.
Let's just say they don't serve chicken.
Oh, yeah.
Ha ha.
Oh, ok, ok, I'll try, but only because it's our anniversary.
Can you help me? Yeah.
Thank you.
What are we going to do with ruthie? Well, you just leave it all up to me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Great.
Girls, I need a favor.
Anything.
I talked your mom into going out and I need you to keep an eye on ruthie tonight.
Why anything? Because I need a favor, too.
I want permission to go out on a date next Saturday night with a really nice guy.
Oh, I'm sure that's probably ok as long as we know the guy.
Do we know the guy? How would you feel about my going out with Jordan? I'd feel lousy about it.
Still, you trusted Mary with him, so you trust me with him, right? I trust Mary.
I trust you.
I don't trust him.
But I'll try to change my mind.
Just make sure that ruthie is taken care of, and Simon, but don't let Simon know that he's being taken care of.
He's an adult now, and he has a girlfriend, who, by the way, I don't trust, either.
I got a date! Ok.
Now.
Aah! Well? You're the best.
Just stay right where you are.
I want to get the door for you.
This is the best anniversary we've ever had.
Yeah, it's pretty great, isn't it? I don't care if I'm old or fat or tired.
We're going to have a baby.
Yep, and we have a really clear picture.
Oh.
Whoa.
Well.
We'll have to take your word for it 'cause I can't make out a thing.
Let me help you with that.
Yeah? Little head.
Look.
Oh.
Sort of.
Thanks for going shopping with me.
You could have worn my pants.
I feel much better in this.
Thanks.
Ah, let's see.
Uh Maybe we should start with the wallet.
Oh, well.
Uh, we'll have a couple of burgers, fries, 2 diet sodas, and a A super-size banana split.
Mmm, 2.
Got it.
So is that the chick in the photo? Her? Yeah, that's right.
That's the woman in the photo.
Oh, yeah, that's her.
Man, you're like no minister I know.
Maybe I will go to church.
This is great! Well, I don't know how great it is, but it is a chicken-free environment.
Ahem.
What are you doing here? What's all this? Well, we, uh, knew where to find you, and this is just our way of saying Happy anniversary.
Well, hey, wait a minute.
Where's ruthie? Yes, sir, that's my baby No, sir, I don't mean maybe Yes, sir, that's my baby now Yes, ma'am, we've decided No, ma'am, we won't hide it Yes, ma'am, you're invited now Look at that.
Should we tell them? Tell us what? Go ahead.
We're having twins.
Yes, sir, that's my baby No, sir, I don't mean maybe Yes, sir, that's my baby now Yes, ma'am, we've decided No, ma'am, we won't hide it Yes, ma'am, you're invited now By the way By the way When we reach the preacher I'll say I'll say Yes, sir, that's my baby No, sir, I don't mean maybe