7th Heaven s03e08 Episode Script

I'll take a cup too.
Coffee's not for kids.
Jordan, trust me, you have to throw out the plaid shirt.
It makes you look like a farmer.
No! All plaid is ugly.
I don't care where you bought it.
Okay, then.
You look like a farmer who shops at the Gap.
I have to go.
We need to keep the phone line open.
Sometimes your father has emergencies and people need to be able to get through.
Don't worry.
I'll just go up to my room and string together a couple of cans.
Okay.
- You're no fun.
- Tell your story walking, kid.
I don't want to interrupt your piano practise.
Oh, it's okay.
I've already put in my required four minutes.
- What's up? - This is gonna blow you away.
I just got a call from my old high-school band.
- They're coming to Glen Oak.
- To do a concert? - Concert, gig, whatever.
- Oh, that's nice.
This is the cool part.
They're staying with us.
Yet they're not staying with us.
- You bet they're not.
- They have an RV.
A recreational vehicle.
I would have called you, but the line's been busy.
Lucy! Don't forget, I have practise after school.
I thought you told me they were refinishing the gym.
Well, they are, but Diane organised a practise for the team at the park court next to her father's house.
Diane is totally intense this year.
She does all the regular school workouts and then practises at night by herself.
Well, that's great, but remember there's more to life than basketball.
Not according to Diane.
Were you up all night studying for your political-science midterm? At least, I think it was poli-sci.
Well, if you're too tired to remember what you studied, how much good can it do? I'm gonna be at the library all day with my group, but I'll be home for dinner.
Okay.
- Would you like some cream? - Yes, please.
So when did you start drinking coffee? Me, drink coffee? Me, drink coffee.
I'm sorry.
I'm so exhausted, I don't know what I'm doing.
Well, why are you so tired? Because Mr.
Chatterbox was up all night.
I have dolls that talk less than he does.
And the dolls, I can lock in a trunk.
You know, I'll be right back.
I forgot something.
You drank my coffee last night, didn't you? All right, how much? A couple of cups.
Maybe more.
Look, I told you coffee's not for kids.
It has caffeine, which can be addictive.
Oh, great, an addict at 12.
I wonder who'll play me in the TV movie.
I doubt you're addicted after just one night of drinking coffee.
I heard denial is the first sign of addiction.
Oh, yeah? What's the first sign of mental illness? Look, just go to school and stay away from coffee and you'll be fine.
Oh, sure, it's easy for you to say.
You're not craving a hot cup of coffee.
A cup of joe.
Java.
Cappuccino.
Latte.
Double espresso.
What? There's a coffee shop on every corner.
I read.
I've seen the menu.
Just never meant anything to me until now.
Have a nice day.
Have a nice day.
Have a nice drive.
Lucy.
- Sorry.
I was just talking to Jordan.
- Jordan.
You're gonna see him at school.
Why do you have to talk on the phone? Well, that's 20 minutes away.
A lot can happen in 20 minutes.
Thanks.
I can't believe I haven't seen these guys in 20 years.
You know, I love my life but I gotta admit, I've wondered from time to time what it would've been like if I had stayed with the band instead of going to college.
Filling huge concert halls Hit records, Grammy nominations, fans You have lots of fans at the church.
They just don't throw their underwear at the pulpit when you finish a sermon.
Well, that's That's us.
Don, Ray, Chris and me.
The Flower and Vegetable Show.
Nice tux.
- What is that, gold lamé? - It was more of an orange lamé.
Orange was, you know, a very popular colour in the '70s.
- Yeah.
- Don's mom made them.
They were free, okay? Yeah.
Well, Don told me when they get close to Glen Oak, they'd call.
And when they do, I'll let them know I booked a Camper Cove space.
Thanks.
In my current condition, I'm not in the mood for houseguests, even ones that don't stay in the house.
You know, just because your friends can't sleep over doesn't mean you can't play with them.
Come to papa.
- Hey, Matt.
- Oh, hey.
How you doing? I don't know how much longer I can stay awake.
I mean, not that I have a choice if I want to get an A.
You know, I may have something that could help you.
Look, no, thanks.
They're not drugs.
They're herbs and stuff.
One hundred percent natural and legal.
- Natural, huh? - As water.
- Are you okay? - I'm fine.
I'm very fine.
You're fine, but are you tired? Please be tired.
Drop your lunchboxes off in the kitchen, please.
- Who's giving you all this gum? - I cannot tell a lie.
Great.
Who is it? And in this case, I also cannot tell the truth.
See you.
Ruthie.
Lucy, wait.
- I got the phone bill today.
- Congratulations.
Your phone usage is completely out of control.
Define out of control.
Hey! Oh, my-- Wow, look at you.
- How are you? - Hey, Chris.
- Buddy.
Hey.
- Ray, wow.
What happened? - I don't know, it just-- - Lucy, Annie.
- This is Ray, Chris and Don.
- Hi.
My old band, The Flower and Vegetable Show.
Hey, I have that shirt.
- It's a good shirt.
- Yeah.
Hey, listen, we're sorry we just showed up unannounced, but every time we tried to call, your phone was busy.
Out of control.
So where should we park the tour bus? - Tour bus? - RV.
You know, actually, I've been doing some thinking about it since I last spoke with you guys, and you'd probably be more comfortable somewhere that better suits your RV needs, so I booked you a campsite out at Camper Coves.
It's-- It's just a little way up the-- Thirty miles out of town.
We were looking forward to spending time with our long-lost flower.
But, hey, what's 30 miles between friends? Just pull your RV right into our driveway.
All right! - Thank you for-- - It'll happen to all of us, eh? Come on, girls.
Over here.
Come on, give her that one.
- Block route.
- Good job on that one.
Block defence.
- Sorry about that.
- Yeah.
I said I was sorry.
You need to relax.
It's only practise.
Maybe to you it is.
My dad told me that the harder I practise, the better I play.
And the better I play, the more chance I have at a scholarship.
They're not steroids.
They're natural energy boosters.
My father buys them for me at a health-food store.
A lot of girls on the team are using them.
- Really? - Yeah.
They give you a competitive edge.
You know, when you're too tired from working out, they give you that extra boost of energy.
They really do make a big difference.
You're drinking coffee.
So? And what are you gonna do about it? - Tell Mommy.
- Go ahead.
See if I care.
Okay, I care.
I care.
Look, it's not my fault.
I'm not drinking coffee because I want to.
I'm addicted.
That's the saddest thing I ever heard.
Now get out of my way.
I have to tell on you.
Please don't tell.
I'll do anything.
Okay, I'll keep my mouth shut about the coffee, but it's going to cost you.
Okay, I'll pay you to keep quiet.
But I'll pay you even more if you do me a little favour.
You're cool here.
Hey.
Hey, remember this? I've been waiting so long - To be where I'm going - To be where I'm going In the sunshine of your love - I've still got it.
- Live cool.
I can't believe you guys.
You're still a real live touring rock 'n' roll band.
So, like, what's the biggest venue you ever played? - We played Philadelphia once.
- Big city, Philadelphia.
- Yeah.
- Halftime at a 76ers' game.
Remember The Who at the Garden? Well, it was just like that.
Only, you know, smaller and brighter.
Oh, man, our third encore-- Ray turns to me, he says, "Man, we are living the dream.
" It was so cool.
- Anyone for a refill? - Oh, yeah.
Cool.
Thanks again for dinner.
Yeah, it's been a long time since any of us have had a home-cooked meal.
- Oh, you're entirely welcome.
- Thank you.
Where do you guys live when you're not on the road? We're always on the road.
Isn't that hard on your wives and children? - No wives.
- Ex-wives, though.
- No kids.
- Yep.
You can't blame the overpopulation of the planet on us.
Sorry.
Sorry.
When are Dad's weirdo friends leaving? Your father's weirdo friends showed up unannounced because when they tried to call, they couldn't get through because our phone was busy because you're always on the phone.
You and the phone need some time away from one another.
So for the rest of the weekend, you're not allowed to use it.
Oh, call it a trial separation.
I call it cruel and unusual punishment.
And I suppose it would be too much to ask for us to get call waiting, or, dare I say, a second phone line.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I don't know what came over me.
Call waiting, a second phone line, that was the devil talking.
Can I go play basketball with Diane at the park? - Do I have to drive you? - Nope.
- Do I have to pick you up? - Nope.
Have a good time.
- It's-- It's amazing.
- What's that? It's just amazing how much the guys haven't changed.
- Really? - It's like they're still in high school.
With no real jobs, no real responsibilities, no real lives.
Yeah, they seem nice enough to me.
Weird, but nice.
Yeah.
Hey, Mom wants you to drive me to Diane's.
- You have a ride back from Diane's? - Yes.
If you can get a ride home, then why can't you get a ride there? Because nobody wants to talk to Mom and Dad.
Let's go.
- Who is it? - Eric.
Just a minute.
- Come on in.
- Thanks.
Annie thought you could use some fresh towels and sheets.
- Wow! That's great.
Thanks a lot.
- Great, thanks.
Don't take this the wrong way, but you guys aren't out here parked in front of my house, the house of a reverend in a small community, smoking any illegal substances, are you? No.
- No.
- No.
Because you should know, my best friend is a police officer who shows up unannounced quite frequently.
Don't leave anything out.
And here at the Camdens', we have a zero-tolerance drug policy, so-- So-- Okay.
- Later, huh? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
- God, you guys.
Good night.
I'm not drinking coffee.
I just stole it for him.
Thanks a lot.
Simon.
Yeah.
Goodbye, Jordan.
I had to call him to tell him I couldn't call him.
Come on.
Spit it out.
You, no coffee.
You, no gum.
And you, no phones.
Got it? Good! You were so right about those pills.
I feel like I could play all night.
Two work better than one, and four work better than two.
One pill is enough for me.
And I've got energy to spare.
Just my hands won't stop shaking.
You'll get used to that.
I hope this stuff wears off so I can get to sleep, because right now, I feel like I couldn't shut my eyes even if I tried.
It's great, isn't it? Let's go work off some of that energy.
I don't think the band is used to that much fresh air and natural light.
So why are Simon and Ruthie playing with your friends and you're not? - What? - Well They were burning incense in the RV last night.
You know what that means, don't you? Yeah, it means they were burning incense.
Well, while you're busy hiding from your friends, bring this up to Matt, okay? - I'm not hiding.
- Avoiding, hiding.
Tomato, "tomato.
" I like Daddy's friends.
They play a mean game of hacky.
- Yeah.
- Who's Keith Moon? He was a musician with a rock band called The Who.
I think he may come over later and play.
- Keith Moon is dead.
- How come? He died of a drug overdose.
Why did you think Keith Moon might be coming over? Because Daddy's Flower friends were talking about him.
- Spit it out.
- How did you know? I have eyes in the back of my head.
If that were really true, I would bring you to show-and-tell.
Where did this come from? I have no idea.
Then you won't mind if I throw it out.
It's Jordan's.
He loaned it to me.
You know, when I said no phone, I meant all forms of wireless communication, including beepers.
How'd you learn to be so cruel? It's in the Mommy Manual between crafts and cuddling.
Is Jimi Hendrix dead too? Do you think Daddy's friends know anyone who's still alive? What are you doing with this stuff? I repeat, what are you doing with this? A friend at school gave them to me.
They're just a natural energy booster made from herbs or something.
Not everything that's natural is good for you.
Okay? Cocaine is extracted from the coca plant.
Heroin and morphine come from natural plants and extracts.
- Natural doesn't always mean good.
- Dad, calm down, okay? Check the bottle.
It's sealed.
I didn't take any.
I was just looking for a way to stay awake so I could keep studying.
Oh, you'll stay awake, because the main ingredient is ephedrine, which is just a chemical process away from being methamphetamine.
Wait, I don't get it.
I mean, the guy who gave me those pills bought them from a health-food store.
I mean, if this stuff is so dangerous, why isn't it illegal? Because ephedrine is classified as a food, not a drug, so it's not regulated the way it should be.
Ephedrine-based supplements are illegal in 13 states.
You know what it took to make them illegal? People died.
- What's wrong? - I took some of those pills.
You took these pills? I didn't get the pills from Matt.
I got them from Diane, who gets them from her father.
I thought everyone was taking them.
I think I'd better talk to Diane's father.
Throw them out.
Gladly.
Do you know what's in those pills? People have died after taking that stuff.
Calm down.
I've been taking them for over six months, and I feel perfectly fine.
Well, I didn't feel fine.
My hands were shaking, my heart was beating so hard it felt like it was gonna explode.
I was dizzy-- Look, I gotta go.
I'll call you back.
I just wanted to make sure you're okay.
What was Diane thinking, giving you that stuff? Some friend she is, huh? So this is all Diane's fault.
I don't think so.
She offered me the pills, yes.
I took them, true.
But I thought they were safe because you had them.
You, my big brother.
Look, I don't think you're perfect, but I did think that you'd never do anything really stupid.
So when I saw those pills in your room, it was like an endorsement.
But I was wrong.
Really wrong.
Looks like I was wrong too.
I'm sorry.
Hey, I know.
We could form a support group.
Be each other's buddies.
Like, when you think you're gonna cheat, you call your buddy.
When you need an encouraging word, you call your buddy.
If I join your support group, will I get to use the phone? Bye-bye, buddy.
Hey, technically, it wouldn't be right if I joined your buddy thing because I never gave up anything, so see you.
Buddy? Hey, little man.
What are you up to? Well, I was trying to start a club, but no one wants to join.
- We love clubs.
We'll join.
- Yeah.
Well, it's not really a "club" club.
It's more like a club for people who need support in order to give up something that's bad for them.
We're familiar with that type of club.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Hey, that Simon is a cool little dude.
We're very proud of him.
So where is the big guy? Oh, Eric had to leave on some urgent business, but he's going to be back in time for your show tonight.
- What? - We know Eric's not really into hanging out with us.
That's not true.
He's very happy you're here.
Eric told us you played piano.
He said you were pretty good too.
Well Hey, I got a great idea.
Why don't you come jam with us at our show tonight? - Me? - Yeah.
- Jam? - Yeah.
Well, I've only had about seven lessons, but I understand.
You know, I can play with you guys maybe the next time you come to town, after I've had a few more lessons.
Don't worry.
We'll figure something out.
Really? All right.
Thanks for seeing me on such short notice.
You sounded pretty upset on the phone.
Well, it's about some pills that Diane gave Mary.
- Body Petrol Plus.
- Yeah.
Diane filled me in.
Please-- Look, I thank you for being so concerned about the girls, but with all due respect, I think you might be overreacting.
How much do you know about those pills? Well, I take them myself.
I bought them in a health-food store.
They're natural, and they're perfectly safe.
Unfortunately, that's exactly what the makers of Body Petrol Plus want you to think, That if it's natural, then it's safe.
But in this case, it just isn't true.
Well, I don't think I understand.
The main ingredient in those pills is something called ephedrine, and the makers of Body Petrol Plus and hundreds of products like it figured out that ephedrine in large doses has the same effect as speed.
Now, some of the manufacturers of ephedrine-based supplements market their product as the natural, legal version of an illegal street drug.
Other manufacturers market to health-conscious people who are looking for more energy in order to work harder or achieve-- What do they all say? Optimum athletic performance.
See, that's very interesting because, you see, since-- According to the FDA, in the past five years, three dozen deaths have been attributed to ephedrine-related supplements.
A lot of those people were young, healthy kids who never thought that they were taking something that could kill them or leave them with permanent disabilities.
It's just too bad that people had to die before anyone noticed how bad this stuff is.
I can't even imagine someone as healthy as Diane dying.
Really? Heart attack, stroke, angina, heart arrhythmias.
Those are some of the side effects from using products that contain ephedrine.
Oh, and then, of course, there's seizures, vomiting, memory loss, psychiatric disorders.
And-- Oh, if you mix ephedrine with caffeine, like a soda or coffee, then you increase the likelihood of suffering ill effects.
That is, you know, if you call dying an ill effect.
You can get an ulcer from taking too much aspirin.
Take too much ibuprofen, and you can end up with liver damage.
Some people eat chocolate and break out in hives.
Those are side effects too.
Look, I'm not saying that I think you're right or that Diane and I are gonna stop taking Body Petrol Plus, but I do promise to look into the information you've shared with me, and I wanna thank you for coming over.
You've given me a lot to think about.
I just wanted to apologise for giving Mary those pills.
I really didn't mean any harm by her, Reverend Camden.
Thanks.
Some people, huh? If I didn't tell him what he wanted to hear, he'd never leave us alone.
- You're feeling all right, aren't you? - Yeah.
Hey, I've never felt better.
Okay.
That's my girl.
- Did Jim Morrison die from drugs? - Yes.
What about Jerry Garcia? Well, yes.
- And Janis Joplin? - Yes.
I just wanted to see if Simon was telling me the truth.
- Simon? - Yeah.
He said all those people died from their addictions.
And do you know how they all started? With one cup of coffee.
What's wrong? I think Simon needs to stop hanging out with your band.
So how did it go over at Diane's? Well, she apologised for giving you the pills, and her father said he would look into the dangers of ephedrine.
But? But I got the feeling her father would've said anything just to get me to leave.
Then you have to let me talk to Diane.
Oh, no.
I don't think that's such a good idea.
I think she should go.
I didn't get through to Diane or her father.
Maybe Mary can.
You have to talk to Diane tonight? I'll try not to miss your rock 'n' roll debut, Mom.
Thanks.
Your band invited me to jam with them.
- Jam? On what? - I don't know, and I don't care.
It's always been a fantasy of mine to play with a rock 'n' roll band.
- You've never told me that.
- You never asked.
Besides, they owe me one.
I mean, I've made sandwiches for them, I gave them a place to plug in their house.
They didn't ask me to play with them.
They're my friends.
They're my band.
Hello.
My name is Simon Camden, and I'm a coffee-holic.
Drink.
Trust me.
Drink.
This tastes awful.
What is it? - Coffee.
You want some more? - No, never.
Congratulations.
You're cured.
I'm a recovered coffee drinker.
Isn't that great? Good.
Your teeth are turning yellow, and your breath smells worse than it usually does.
Do you have any gum? Mom said you weren't supposed to chew gum anymore.
Buddy, what Mommy doesn't know won't hurt me.
Do you know what they put in gum to make it so chewy? That's good.
Because if you knew, you might not be able to enjoy it.
Okay.
What do the put in gum to make it chewy? I've chewed my last chew.
- Nice job.
- Yeah.
What's going on? I was just righting a couple of wrongs.
What? Well, your mother and I figured out that Simon must have picked up coffee drinking from you.
And by process of elimination, you had to be Ruthie's gum supplier.
Now, whether you like it or not, the kids look up to you, you know.
They see what you're doing even when you don't realise.
Well, I guess sometimes that's a good thing.
But, you know, sometimes it's just a pain in the butt.
Them looking up to me is never gonna change, is it? No.
You know, this adult thing is just getting better and better.
- I'm sorry about the pills, Dad.
- I know you are.
I don't think I can make it the rest of the weekend without a phone.
I tried to divert my phone energy into another activity, but no matter what I did, I kept thinking about the phone, dreaming about the phone.
Dear God, haven't I been punished enough? Yes, I think you have.
I called the phone company today.
As of Wednesday, we're going to be a two-line family.
With the babies coming, your father and I thought that putting in a second phone line made a lot of sense.
Sure! Sure! Well, whatever.
Who cares why? We've got two phone lines.
I can't wait to call Jordan and tell him.
And then he could call me back, and then I could call him back.
This is awesome! So, what's the new number? Your father and I are never going to tell you.
- Hey, come on in.
- Hey.
So you guys Great, I come down here to apologise to you guys for being such a crummy host, and I find you smoking What are those, cigarettes? Yeah, I'm sorry.
We've all tried to quit, but it's so addictive.
I thought you guys were smoking something else.
We gave that stuff up years ago, man.
- I still want to apologise.
- You don't have to.
A lot of people think we do drugs.
The only thing we really get high on is making music.
Yeah! No, really, I owe you an apology, and not just for making a very wrong assumption.
You don't have to apologise for not hanging out with us.
We're comfortable with rejection.
On many levels.
I just had this vision of what I thought your rock 'n' roll life was.
You don't have to apologise for being disappointed, either.
We've disappointed a lot of people, and yet-- You're happy living your dream.
Exactly.
And I'm happy living mine.
But you really wanna play with us tonight? - Oh, yeah.
- All right.
Here.
- Yes? - Yeah, yeah.
Oh, baby.
It's getting near dawn When lights close their tired eyes I'll soon be with you, my love To give you my dawn surprise I'll be with you, darling, now I'll be with you When the stars start falling I've been waiting so long To be where I'm going In the sunshine of your love Now I know what Mick Jagger's kids feel like.
- Embarrassed? - Luckily, we took separate cars.
Good, because I didn't bring my lighter for the encore.
And what's with Ruthie? Blame it on The Spice Girls.
- Girl power.
- Oh, yeah.
Just we two I'll stay with you, darling, now I'll stay with you till My seas are dried up I've been waiting so long To be where I'm going In the sunshine of your love Didn't you hear anything my dad said to you? My dad knows what he's talking about too.
Nothing is gonna happen to me.
Oh, yeah? People have died.
Don't you get it? You can't be this stupid.
Look at me.
I'm in the best shape of my life.
I'm not gonna die.
I came to talk to you because I thought I could get you to do the right thing and stop taking those pills.
But now I realise I can't make you do something that you don't wanna do.
- Good.
- But I am not just gonna stand by and watch you hurt yourself, so you're on your own.
- Don't go.
- Why should I stay? I'll make you a deal.
You stop bugging me about the pills, and at the end of the season, I'll stop taking them completely.
- You should stop now.
- I can't.
At the end of the season, you'll stop for good? Well, I guess it's better than nothing.
We've still got time to catch my mom making an idiot of herself with my dad's wacky friends.
Right after a quick game of 21? Whoa, nice shot.
Hey, my ball.
You okay? Diane? I can't believe Mary missed the show.
I just hope that doesn't mean things went badly with Diane.
- I had fun tonight.
- Me too.
I play a mean triangle, if I do say so myself.
Man, you made that triangle wail, baby.
Wail! What's that? One-fourteen.
One-fourteen, call firefighters.
One-thirty, 92 Diane collapsed.
We were playing, and she took a shot, and then I called 911.
And they wouldn't tell me anything, and I don't know how she is.
They've had her for so long.
She'll be okay, right? Yeah, but Diane had a massive heart attack.
They finally got her stable enough.
They're gonna take her to the hospital.
But she's gonna be okay, and she's gonna be able to play basketball again.
Right now, they're just happy she's gonna make it.