7th Heaven s03e13 Episode Script

Where's Lucy? Oh, Dad picked her up at lunch so she could catch her bus for her big weekend at Camp All By Myself.
Yeah, right.
I bet a lot of guys go to that camp.
The whole thing's like a weekend-long Dating Game.
Probably, but for the record, our beloved sister says that she will be better in a relationship of two if she truly can accept and know herself as an individual of one.
You know the person whose guts I hate as a one or a two? Bobby Tripp.
I hate the guts inside his guts and the guts inside of those guts.
Our little neighbour? Why do you hate him? Because he saw my underwear and won't shut up and say he's sorry.
Well, if you think about it, there's really no way he can shut up and say he's sorry.
Don't make me crawl over that seat and sock you.
I wanted to smack Bobby Tripp so bad.
- The next time I think I will.
- I don't think you will.
Mom and Dad don't like us to solve problems that way.
Yeah, yeah.
By the way, Simon, Bobby said he has a big brother, and I said I did too, so you may have to fight him.
Oh, sorry.
Thank you.
Whatever.
Oh, good.
Annie! I can't believe the reverend and your children are letting you lift things at this stage of your pregnancy.
It might induce labour.
Here and now is as good a place as any to get this show on the road.
Bye-bye.
Oh, now, you can't have those babies till we throw you the baby shower.
Now, don't do anything until after tomorrow.
Wait.
No.
I thought I said a shower's not necessary.
You did, but the ladies at the church knew you didn't mean it.
We're all looking forward to it.
We don't get to go to our minister's house nearly enough.
No-- It's not at the church? The rec room at the church? Oh, no.
We always have showers at the house.
It's much more intimate.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Can't wait.
Oh, hell.
It's practically time.
Your mother could go into labour next week, tomorrow or today, so I'm taking this opportunity while your mother's grocery shopping with the only person she can stand to be with, herself, to review, okay? It's been a while since our last pre-baby delivery drill and the routine may be a little rusty.
Rusty's not good, because, you know, when things get crazy around here, as they inevitably will, we'll need the routine.
The routine will save us.
The routine will make order out of chaos.
So, Matt, head cook and bottle washer.
Please keep in mind multiple food groups and try to serve meals that feature more than one colour.
Mary, carpooling and miscellaneous transportation.
- Lucy? - Camp All By Myself.
Right.
Right.
Lucy will be packing lunches, and, Simon, put out the breakfast stuff and then clean it up.
And, Ruthie, water the plants.
Water plants, water plants, water plants.
Got it.
But if Mom has the babies this weekend, someone's gonna have to cover for Lucy because she's at camp-- All By Myself.
You're right.
You're right, now, if your mother goes into labour this weekend, Simon, assist with all meals, Mary, move to laundry.
Make sure everybody has something clean to wear, and remember, bleach is a fair-weather friend.
So, what's the pre-delivery routine for you and Mom? We don't need one.
You know, every pregnancy and delivery is different.
The key is just staying loose and flexible and keeping your mom calm and relaxed until the big day.
Got it? - Hello, anybody home? - That's your mother.
You know what to do.
Make me proud.
No, no, get the groceries.
- Are you all right? - No.
Is it time? Should I call the doctor or should we just go to the hospital? I ran into Mrs.
Beeker at the grocery store, and she insisted that the Church's women's group throw me a baby shower tomorrow.
Can you believe it? No.
I know you probably already told me several times, but remind me.
Why are you so against a baby shower? Because those women are difficult, nosy, gossipy.
So my work from the pulpit every Sunday is really paying off.
I'm gonna call Patricia.
Maybe I can get her to come so I won't have to kill myself.
Good idea, hon.
Are you pacing yourself? You might wanna try carrying more than one bag in at a time.
That way the food might still be fresh when it finally arrives in the kitchen.
Would you come? Please? I'd like to have at least one person I like at my baby shower.
Of course I'll come.
Morgan and John can do something with Eric and Matt, and then the other kids can help or clean up or hide or do whatever we wanna make them do.
Oh, that'd be great.
Your big coffee pot? Yours.
I'll send it over later by messenger.
- Thanks.
I owe you one.
- Oh, yes, you do.
See you later.
Okay.
Bye-bye.
What are we doing? Getting a jump on the plant-watering job Dad chained me to.
You know, it's not good to leave mayonnaise, hamburger and eggs in the car.
Sorry, that's the one that got away.
Getting ready for the babies is kind of exciting, but it's scary too, don't you think? Having two new people in the family will be a pretty big change.
It's just been the seven of us for a while.
- Concerns, thoughts, fears, anybody? - We know the drill, Dad.
Two of you will leave for the hospital, and four of you will come home.
- We've done this before.
- I haven't, but I can follow along.
True enough.
Well, I'm glad we could talk.
If you wanna talk some more, find me.
- Dad wants to talk.
- Real bad.
Yep.
He's got a point, though.
Once the twins are born, our lives will never be the same.
They're gonna need lots of attention and quiet, and once they're here, - they're here forever.
- What if we don't like them? Having a baby is like rolling the dice in Vegas.
Sometimes the odds are good and you win big.
And sometimes you crap out.
And Mom's having two babies.
What are the odds? Great.
Just great.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Hey, how was school today? Fine, until Bobby Tripp saw my underwear while I was on the swings and won't shut up about it.
Why weren't you wearing the shorts that I made to match that outfit? Because I was in a hurry this morning.
And besides, why should I have to wear shorts because boys can't shut up? Why should the girls at school have to suffer because the boys are losers? - What's wrong with this world? - I don't know.
Can I get back to you? Take your time.
I'm not going anywhere.
Have you all been using the same towel? No.
I use the hair dryer to dry off with.
It's kind of like the blowers in the restroom at the mall.
- It makes you feel free.
- Oh, well, dry is good.
And the plants and I appreciate your getting a head start on your plant watering.
I'm just doing it now so I can get it over with.
- Dad? - Yeah.
What if the twins are yucky and nobody likes them? We still have to have them in our family? Yeah, but, you know, they're gonna be babies for a while, and you'll get to know and love them, and they'll grow up and love you back, and we'll all get used to each other and be very happy they're here.
You're not telling me something.
You're using your minister voice.
I am not.
It's my regular voice.
Yeah, yeah.
So did you say this kind of thing to Lucy when Simon was about to be born? - Well, sort of, yeah.
- Great.
Just great.
- That's Matt's, and so is that.
- How can you tell? I don't know exactly.
I was just born that way.
I was trying to squeeze in a little last-minute leisure reading.
Because like Matt said, once those babies ride into town, it's over.
Or you could say it's just beginning.
That our life as a family of nine is just beginning.
But our life as a family of seven will be dead.
Dead as a doornail.
- Why do you think people say that? - Dead as a doornail? - Yeah.
- I don't know.
It doesn't matter.
I'm gonna miss these talks once the twins get here.
Well, we'll still have time to talk.
And you're gonna like the new family of nine too.
It'll just take some getting used to.
So there's two of them and one of me.
Plus I've got Deena and Nigel and my work with Ruthie.
I don't know if there's enough me to go around.
Well, Simon, you've always been very generous with yourself.
If you have to make some cutbacks, we'll understand.
I hope so.
It's not like we can go backwards here.
No.
No, we can't.
- You? Matt? Me? - Mary.
Sorry to interrupt.
Have you, by any chance, been chatting with your siblings about life after twins? Sort of.
Why? Well, because they were saying, "No problem, everything will be fine," like 15 minutes ago, and now they sound like the orchestra on the Titanic.
I'm sorry, but it's not like I lied to them.
Our lives are gonna change huge the minute you walk through the door with those two little bundles of joy.
I know.
I've been there, done that four times.
And everything's worked out.
Yeah, and I know this will, too, but it'll be weird.
I'm 19 years older than these two little guys.
I could be their father.
If you could be their father, I could be-- Take over here, will you? Dad, the car's all gassed up.
All carpooling and miscellaneous transportation systems are go.
- Great.
Thanks.
What's that? - Oh, it's Mom's bag for the hospital.
- That's it? That's all she's taking? - I guess.
All right.
Put it-- By the front door.
I know.
I've done this before.
Just saw Mary with your hospital bag.
Is that all you're taking? Yes, unless you think we'll have time to squeeze in dinner and dancing while we're there.
How much do you think I'll need? I thought your bag looked exactly right.
Thank you.
I have done this before.
- Hello.
- Dad, is that you? Are you there? - Anybody? Hello? - Calm down, Luce.
What's going on? Nothing.
No one talks.
When the brochure said "all by myself," it meant it.
No one talks to each other ever.
They're all too busy listening and loving their inner voice.
How could this be happening to me? Okay, stay calm.
Now, you've only been there for a little while.
If your mom can give the Church's baby shower a chance, you can give this a shot.
I thought she got out of the baby shower.
Well, she tried, but Mrs.
Beeker cornered her in Frozen Foods.
Great.
I'm out of the loop once again.
I'm truly all by myself, here at Camp All By Myself.
Well, honey, I don't wanna keep you, because I know you wanna get inward and reach your place of peace.
Like it's gonna matter.
I will be one of nine.
- Ten if you count Happy.
- But we don't.
I love you.
Bye-bye.
- Everything okay? - Oh, yeah, yeah.
How about you? Calm and relaxed? - And you? - Great.
Just great.
Even if you meant "you" in the plural sense.
We're all still fine.
Couldn't be better.
Well, you know, probably could be better, you know, like, if I had to, you know, if my life depended on it, my being better, but otherwise, no, no.
Everyone and everything is fine.
Now, don't get me wrong.
I'm all for being alone, no matter how lame it is.
I'm wide open to, like, new experiences, even if they're a total waste of time.
And I'm fine.
I'm perfectly happy, in fact, to be all by myself.
That is not the point.
- But-- - Who keeps giving her a phone? The point is that I thought I was gonna work my way up to being all by myself.
This is cold turkey! This was not in the brochure.
Do you have to be 18 to sue someone? Mary? Are you there? Mary? Anybody? - Mary? - No, it's Matt.
See if you can find the brochure.
I need to know what the refund policy is.
Hey, Luce, here's Ruthie.
Ruthie? Are you there? Ruthie? Anybody? - Can't.
Got company.
Sorry.
- I hear voices.
Hello? I need some help here.
Hello? Well, well, well, it's Bobby Tripp.
Showtime.
Are you there? Ruthie? Anybody? Hi? Hello? - Sid Vicious is part wolf.
- Oh, really? I thought your brother's name was Darryl.
- It is.
Sid's our dog.
- He knows, moron.
Well, like I said, part wolf.
Oh, yeah? Well, Happy's part abominable snowman.
- So, Darryl, long time no see, huh? - Yeah, well, it's a big street.
So I hear your sister's got a problem with my brother.
He won't say he's sorry, so yeah, I got a problem with him.
That means you got a problem with me.
Ditto.
Dr.
King had peaceful ways of resolving violence, son.
- Violence isn't the way.
- What's that, Poindexter? So I guess once I take on the peroxide kid, you'll jump in.
I know how you sons of ministers fight.
What was that about Dr.
King again? Oh, he's gonna need a doctor when I'm done with him.
We'll get back to you.
The two of youse are looking a little yellow to me.
- Are you awake yet? - No.
Go away.
That's ok.
I'll wait.
Are you getting Pop-Tart all over me in my bed? No.
Definitely not.
Then why do I smell strawberry and crumbs? Oh, let it go.
We have bigger fish to fry.
All right.
What? Are they serving a selection of finger foods? Yes, and probably dips galore and a vegetable tray with every member of the cabbage family on it, and I'll have heartburn by cake.
- How many women are coming? - Two, three thousand.
Are you gonna play games? Of course you're gonna play games.
- What shower doesn't have games? - I have no idea.
Luce, you know, if you can't hack camp and the voyage to your inner self, I can send someone to pick you up.
Can't hack it? I can hack it.
I was just asking to be polite.
The next sound you hear will be me hacking it.
- Congratulations.
I'll talk to you later.
- Only if you need to talk.
- You okay? - It's okay.
Did I miss the games? The baby-shower games? Mrs.
Hinkle, the shower's not until 1.
It's only a little after 11 now.
I guess I saw too many ones on the invitation.
Then the shower hasn't started and the games aren't over? No.
So I have to play Pin the Cord on the Baby and Guess the Birth Weight.
I hate those.
- I'm sorry.
I-- - It's not your fault.
I didn't know the shower was coed.
I didn't bring a date.
Not that I couldn't have gotten one.
I just didn't know.
- May I use your phone? - No, the shower isn't coed.
We were just on our way out, but I'd be happy to get you something before I leave.
- The TV remote and some mixed nuts.
- I'll be right back.
Thank you.
Mark, Darryl, they're here! - Mark's 16 now.
- So is Mary, and she can drive.
- So can Mark.
- I know.
He backed over our mailbox.
Sorry.
- Mark? - Mary? God, you look great.
I've gotta start looking over our fence more often.
- How have you been? - Great.
Really great.
And you? Great.
Listen, if you're not seeing somebody, I'd love to go out with you sometime.
Well, I'm kind of in-between somebodies right now.
Great.
Well, I'll call you tomorrow.
I get home from church around 11:30.
Well, expect a call about 11:31.
Great.
- I'll be back.
- Make my day.
Annie, hi.
Here we are.
Right on time.
I'd like you to meet Patricia Hamilton.
She and her family are very good friends of Eric and mine.
Oh, it's a pleasure.
Well, point us toward the kitchen, and we'll turn these bags into a gala spectacular.
- Can I help? - Oh, no.
You're the guest of honour.
You sit down and relax.
We'll take care of everything.
You know, I have never been in here.
Must be nice to have a Church just give you a house.
My Walter and I worked long and hard to save enough to get a little plot of earth that we call home.
Let it go.
This is gonna be fun.
Okay, let it go, and this too will pass.
Boy, that Xena is quite the tumbler, isn't she? I used to do some tumbling myself.
- Really? - Excuse me, dear.
Could I get something cold to drink, dear? - Oh, of course.
- Oh, good.
Thank you.
With the babies coming, I feel I should move out as soon as possible so they can have the space, but I can't find a place.
- You got a job? - No, but I've got first and last.
And if I find a place, I figure it'll motivate me to find a job.
- Right.
- No, really.
I have to pay my own way.
With two new faces, somebody's gotta help your parents keep an eye on everything and everybody, and you're it.
- And that counts for something? - Counts for a lot.
Your parents are lucky to have you as their go-to guy.
Thanks, man.
You know, I wish I had it as together as he does.
What if the twins aren't as bright as the others? How will they fit in? Will the other kids make fun of them? Or what if they're super smart? Our kids are smart, but they're not off the charts.
What if the twins are? Will they mock the others? - Eric, calm down.
You're losing it.
- I know.
Everyone's so calm.
Everyone's been through this before.
I know I have too, but I can't remember a thing.
I've gone completely blank.
It's like riding a bike.
It'll come back to you.
- You think? - No.
But I'm hungry, and I don't want you to scare our waiter away.
Thanks.
Go ahead and start.
Don't let it get cold.
No, it's okay.
We'll wait for you.
You think they forgot your order? No.
"Then expect a call at 11:31.
" "Great.
" I'm going to puke.
Get over it.
I'm not gonna punch somebody who's not asking for it.
I'm not a psycho.
No, you're a traitor.
A psycho traitor.
Can I help you find something? No.
No.
It's just that this house belongs to the Church, and as members of the Church, we'd just like to look around our property.
Our Church ladies sneak all over our house too.
I guess these late-in-life pregnancies are hip these days, though it's usually working women who schedule in the sperm bank between the big presentation at the office or the conference call.
Can you imagine going to Las Vegas with this bunch? We went to the MGM, and they made Tom Jones cry.
And he wasn't even expecting.
Cough syrup.
But you haven't coughed once since you've been here.
- That's because it's working.
- Oh, excuse me, dear.
Dear, could you get me another glass of punch? Oh, thank you.
Oh, she is so helpful.
You're very lucky.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Could I have a word with you when you have a second, please? My son and I have been waiting for our meals for a while now, and my friends' meals have gotten cold because they were politely waiting for us to be served.
So for many reasons, no one at this table can eat, in spite of the fact that we are in a restaurant wearing both shirts and shoes.
If you're not happy with the service here, maybe you should go somewhere else.
Next time I will.
The only reason we're trying this place is because I won some coupons in a raffle, but the fact is, we are here trying to try it out, and I'd like the meals my son and I ordered.
And when you bring back our order, bring the manager with you.
Okay.
He's not here, but I'll try to track him down.
- Unbelievable.
- No, it isn't.
- Can I help you? - Restroom.
- Oh, thank you.
- Oh, good.
Oh, yes.
This is clean.
- May I help you? - No.
Thank you.
Here.
We better stay in case they come back.
Good idea.
Are you excited about the babies? You'll probably get to hold them.
I like being the baby and having people hold me.
Of course, because I'm the baby, everybody thinks they're the boss.
Me too.
I wouldn't mind being the boss for once, though, but I don't have anybody to boss.
But you will.
Pretty soon you'll have two anybodies, and then you'll be able to boss them around forever.
Yeah! And I've been bossed around by everybody my whole life, so think how good I'll be.
You are so lucky.
You can come over sometimes and boss them around if you want.
- Really? - Yeah.
Like you said, there are two of them.
That's one for each of us.
- Oh, man.
This is gonna be great.
- Yeah.
I've got nothing.
Talking is dead to me.
Luckily, I love just being with me.
We're in here talking.
Thank you.
When do you think the babies will come? I don't know.
Dad says any day now.
We're still talking.
Thank you.
I hate the waiting part.
I mean, everything's gonna be different once the babies get here.
Just wish I could get on with my life so I can get used to it and have it become my same different life.
I don't blame you.
Everything changed when Mom and Dad brought Lynn home.
Mom put her in my arms and said, "Meet your big brother," and I was thinking, "Oh, man," because you could tell just by looking at her she was gonna be trouble.
Same with Ruthie, and she would constantly follow me and my friends around.
She wanted to do everything I did.
It was like, "Simon! Simon! Simon!" Drove me crazy.
Yep.
Lynn made me nuts.
I miss it sometimes.
Me too.
- Well, she was the one that-- - That's right.
So you ready for two more Camdens? I wasn't ready for the last three, and you just can't get ready for them.
There's no way.
And all this stuff we're doing around the house, it's just busywork.
It makes Dad feel like he's contributing.
We had to do the same thing when Mom was gonna have Lynn.
Everyone with their little assignments.
Baby comes, it goes out the window.
Yeah, but babies are so fun, you know? They're always doing something crazy.
Ruthie pulled out a patch of Simon's hair once.
He was the only first-grader who ever had to do a combover.
There's something about growing up with a big family that makes me want a big family.
Oh, not me.
I'm having one kid, so it better be a good one.
Maybe we'll get a puppy, just in case.
Hey, don't kid yourself.
Raising a dog isn't easy.
All right, now's the time when we pull off as much as we think we'll need to go around our mom's belly.
I've got pepper spray in my purse.
Want to borrow it? Could I have a few cookies, dear? Thank you.
I understand you have a problem with the service in my restaurant.
- Yes, I do.
- Well, what's the problem? There isn't any.
That's the problem.
This isn't what I ordered, and it's cold.
I have a feeling that no matter what we do, my staff and I probably won't be able to make you happy.
Perhaps you should take your business elsewhere.
It's hard not to draw conclusions from this whole thing, conclusions that are illegal in 1999.
I own this place, and I reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.
- You gotta be kidding.
- This is my fight.
- And mine too.
- And mine.
That guy makes me sick.
He and everyone like him, they're embarrassments.
They humiliate me by association.
You know, there's that saying: "All that evil needs to take over is for good men to sit and do nothing.
" I'm tired of sitting.
Excuse me.
My son and I are still waiting.
If you don't back off and leave, I'm calling the cops.
Then you'd better call because I won't be backing off.
We're not leaving.
- What's going on, gentlemen? - We have a service problem.
I just read something in the newspaper about a restaurant with a service problem.
Took them a lawsuit and couple of hundred thousand dollars to fix it.
Can you afford to keep this restaurant and be a racist? So, what are you gonna do with your settlement? I don't know.
Church could use a new organ.
- He's a minister.
- Actually, we both are.
I'd love to take the family on a vacation.
You know, Dad, I was more thinking grad school.
What do you want? You can't give me what I want, but I'll tell you what I'll take.
An apology, and I'd like our group's meal to be served the way we ordered it, together, and with decent, expedient, respectful service.
Fine and I'm sorry.
I believe you, but just to make sure you're sincere, I'm gonna tell all my parishioners about the wonderful service to be found at this address.
And I'm gonna tell all of my friends.
And I'd like you to consider donating any unused, unsold food to our Meals on Wheels program.
Pretty much every restaurant in town already does, and you'll feel better for doing it.
No problem.
Well, I'm glad to see your lapse was momentary.
There's bound to be a slip every now and then, breaking an ugly, illegal habit.
But there better not be another one.
You hungry? Why not? Go tell Dispatch where we are.
Excuse me.
Why do you keep asking me to wait on you? Are you under the impression, for some reason, I work here? No, it's just that you seem to know your way around, and you have a wonderful smile, which you were kind enough to share with me, so I just found you a friend.
And when you get to be my age, you need all the friends you can get.
People shun you or just pretend that if they're not looking at you, that you don't even exist, and some people act like they wish you would just go away.
I understand.
Believe me, I understand.
Something you don't know about me-- You couldn't.
I married a black man in 1938.
It was still illegal in some places, but now it's illegal if you try to stop it.
People say that you can see the passage of time when you look in the mirror, but I say you can see it out there, and depending on what you feel in here, you decide what's good or not.
- Now, what can I get for you? - Whatever goes with cough syrup.
You're not done sharing, are you? Thank you.
Excuse me.
Well, well, well.
Here to say you're sorry? No, he is not.
I think you're the one who should do some apologising.
Your family's been threatening my family, and it needs to stop.
I agree.
Is it possible for Bobby to stop teasing Ruthie so that this whole situation can just die down? Excuse me, your family's threatening my family, and all you care about is teasing? Well, let me tell you something.
Teasing is a part of life, and she needs to get used to it.
And none of this would have happened if your daughter hadn't been flashing her underwear.
If she had shorts on like the rules say, none of this would have happened.
She's 7.
She doesn't flash her underwear.
Besides, why should she have to wear shorts just because your son has a problem with underwear? - Yes.
- With this kind of parenting, it's not hard to see why your children are like they are! - Ditto! - Nice to see you again.
- Oh, no.
Is it time? - I think so.
Yes! - Oh, well, we should go.
- That'll probably be best.
Yes.
Thank you so much.
It was a lovely shower.
Thank you so much.
Bye-bye.
Someone's driving Mrs.
Hinkle, right? Bye-bye.
It was time, all right.
Time for them to go.
Oh, they're gone, and in a minute, we will be too.
Bye.
Matt.
Just the man we were looking for.
- Why? - Long story.
Bottom line, I want an apology out of Bobby Tripp.
I don't care if you have to beat up his whole family to get it.
When we asked Mary to handle it, she made a date.
With Mark Tripp? She didn't even swear or kick dirt on him or anything.
Nope.
They just think each other's great.
You're late.
Bobby's here? Did Mark come too? My brother Steve's in college now.
See him and weep.
Hey, didn't you set the curve in Dr.
Strobel's econ class? Yeah.
I got lucky.
So the words "demand cone" mean something to you.
A little.
- I'd be happy to go over it with you.
- That'd be great.
Thanks.
No problem.
- Think we should break this up? - My mom will be fried if we don't.
Say you're sorry for teasing me about my underwear! I will die first.
If that's what this is about, you might.
You apologise right now.
Teasing people is wrong, and I'm tired of you running your mouth.
What about her? Threatening people is wrong too.
He's right.
- See you in class on Monday? - Yeah, okay.
Come on.
Hey, tell your mom and dad good luck with the babies.
What are they, numbers 14 and 15? Yeah.
Our dog only had four, and she's a dog.
Hey, you know their dad is a minister.
I am the only me there will ever be.
I am the only me there will ever be.
So the baby shower was fun? Well, it didn't require police involvement, but that's as much as I'm willing to commit to.
I'm excited, but I'm also a little worried about these babies.
I'm worried that I don't make enough.
We don't have space enough or time enough.
I know.
We have this conversation before every trip to the hospital.
- We do? - Yeah.
And afterwards, we share an inseparable bond that only this kind of anxiety can produce.
It's our routine.
Things are going to be really different, but I'm always going to love you.
That'll never change.
And you will always be everything I love and wanna be when I grow up.
But after a day like today, I-- I worry about bringing new souls into this world at this time.
I'm not worried.
Their brothers and sisters will make a difference.
They'll make it better, and so will they.
Come on.
Why is it so quiet tonight?