7th Heaven s03e15 Episode Script
It Happened One Night
Okay.
I can't believe that happened again.
Hi.
Where you going? That wasn't very nice.
Daddy is very tired.
Hold on.
I'll be just a second.
Okay.
- Was that the back door? - I think so.
You want Mom and Dad to hear you? They're waiting for us.
You know they are.
Waiting for someone to stop that incessant crying.
It never stops.
Thus the word "incessant.
" We're trapped in our own home.
Hell home.
Sorry.
Usually my brain self-censors, but I can't hear myself think.
Okay, listen.
We can use the crying for cover.
If we sneak up into our rooms very, very quietly, then Mom and Dad won't be able to hear for the screaming.
Come on.
- They're home.
- Oh, yeah, all five of them.
At last, reinforcements.
You know, this is their first weekend with seven children home.
As helpful as they might be, they're gonna try to take advantage of the situation.
Oh, I know, but I love a challenge.
Go.
Go, go, go.
Look, honey.
They're home.
Sometimes I feel Like a motherless child Sometimes I feel Like a motherless child Sometimes I feel Like a motherless child A long, long way from home Ruthie, you are not a motherless child.
Your mother's right here, listening to your beautiful song.
But I am a little busy now, and I could use your help.
You're a big sister now and that means you're more important than ever.
All right, all right.
What do you want me to do? Would you like to hold Sam while I feed David? I don't want to see you feed either one of them again until they're eating with knives and forks.
You know, I fed you the same way.
Wait, wait.
Where you going? Where you going? Come up with something important.
We're counting on all of you for some help tonight.
It is somewhere important.
It's the most important somewhere in the world.
It's the Dairy Shack.
I got a job.
Yeah, they started a new delivery service.
- Your car or their car? - My car.
How much does it pay? Minimum wage plus tips.
Bet you 50 bucks it doesn't last the night.
Why would you bet against me? Because one, you have yet to realise what any job really is really about, And two, I could use the 50 bucks.
I got two new mouths to feed.
Make it 20, and you're on.
You know, a mother feeding her child is the sweetest picture in the world.
Do you have any idea how much this hurts? Maybe I'll start dinner.
Mary and Lucy can start dinner.
You should try to grab a 15-minute nap.
When I'm finished, you can keep an eye on them - while I shower and nap.
- I'm on my way.
And Simon is on Ruthie duty until further notice.
You're going to bed now? It's 5:00.
I just got out of the shower, I'm going to try and grab a nap.
Dad, you have to get those babies on a schedule.
Simon, while I appreciate the advice, your mother and I think we know what we're doing at this point.
Really? Because it's been seven, almost eight years since the two of you have had an infant around, and parenting isn't what it used to be.
If I spend time talking to you, I'm not gonna get a nap, and I need a nap, so you wanna know what you can do to make things easier? Find Ruthie and welcome her into the world of being an older sibling.
Show her how it's done.
And walk the dog.
Yeah? - Start dinner.
- What do you want us to cook? It doesn't matter.
Just cook something.
I don't have time to talk.
I've already wasted five minutes of my nap time.
If we cook dinner, could we go out later? Run errands, anything? No one is going anywhere until your mother and I get eight hours of sleep.
Eight consecutive hours, not total.
Understood? I was just asking.
Sorry, I'm just overtired and overwhelmed.
- Eric! - That's-- Bye.
Towel, please! - We have to go to plan B.
- Not plan B, please.
No! I'm afraid so, and I need your help.
Mom and Dad won't let me leave, and at best, they'll tell him to come here.
And that is just wrong.
Nobody should be here.
We shouldn't even be here.
Okay, okay.
Mom and Dad are so busy, they probably won't even miss you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You used to fit into one of those.
Look how big you've gotten.
I still fit.
You know what would be great? If it's a great way to help you with the babies, forget it.
Come on.
You gotta get out of there before it breaks and you hurt yourself.
- I don't wanna get out.
- Come on, let's go.
Mommy! Mommy! Hey.
A little help here.
Okay.
I'll be right back.
Mommy! - Daddy hurt me.
- Where does it hurt? - My foot.
- I didn't touch her foot.
I didn't touch your foot.
Come on, I'll clean you up, and we'll put a boo-boo strip on your foot, and Mommy make it feel all better.
Okay? Then Mommy's gonna take a nap.
So close.
Welcome to the Dairy Shack.
You have volunteered for the most intensive fast-food training known to man.
Many of you will not successfully negotiate this programme.
Those of you who succeed will be a part of the burger elite.
Shouldn't all the members of the burger elite wear a uniform? I mean, isn't that how we identify other elite? I was hired with the understanding I didn't have to wear a uniform.
Sounds like my father.
But there's a new sheriff in town, and he likes the uniform.
With the hat.
- What was that? - Tuna Helper.
So there was supposed to be tuna in it? He's right.
It was just the helper.
We were supposed to add the tuna? Maybe we can just call Dairy Shack and get a delivery.
I'm fine with just the helper.
I'm not.
I need some tuna.
Or something.
Okay.
I gotta go.
I'll be back in an hour.
If anyone's looking for me, just act like I just left the room.
- That's your plan? - Yeah.
When someone says: "Hey, where's Mary?" go, "You just missed her.
" you should stay home more and work on better plans.
Mary's backing out of the driveway.
Yeah, I knew she was up to something.
What do you think that something is? - A guy.
- A guy.
Oh, when the saints Oh, when the saints Go marching in Go marching in Oh, when the saints go marching in Go marching in I want to be Be in that number, number Oh, when the saints go marching in Go marching in I thought that'd be a real mood lifter.
- It always is for me.
- I know.
I don't get it.
I mean, I talked to them in the womb.
My voice should soothe them.
Yes.
Well, I appreciate your trying.
You know, it is pretty normal for babies to cry a lot.
I mean, eat, sleep, poop, pee, cry pretty much covers their day.
Yeah, I've heard that.
Hey, what are you doing in here? Your mom was going to try and catch a quick nap.
Okay, we guys'll take those guys, and we'll pace around for a little while.
That should settle them down.
Good call, Dad.
What if you both leave? I think I can get things under control.
You got it.
Oh, and tell Mary and Lucy that the kitchen floor is theirs.
- And the bathtub.
- Mary's not back yet.
Two new babies in the house, we still have time to torture the other five.
I told you this would be fun.
You look tired.
What do you say the three of us take a 15-minute nap, huh? And then when we wake up, we'll all feel refreshed.
Look.
I'm only thinking of you here.
No one's home, and I mean, no one.
All my friends have gone out, and I am the only one without a date.
The only one.
You mean, you and Mary, you're the only two.
Of course.
That's what I meant.
Where is Mary, anyway? She was just here.
She must be in the bathroom.
No, no one's in the bathroom.
Then she must be downstairs.
Must be.
- Why do you ask? - No.
No.
No reason.
Well, your mom just wanted the two of you to mop the kitchen floor and do some laundry and scrub the upstairs bathroom, but between the two of you, that shouldn't be too hard.
No.
Thanks, hon.
Hey, Mary.
What are you doing here? I'm meeting someone.
- An ex-boyfriend someone.
- How are the babies? Loud.
I'm kind of sorry Lucy and I didn't stick it out a little longer.
I'd love to meet the newest members of the Camden team.
Can I take your order? We're not together.
We're not on a date.
We're not together.
Come on.
Let me buy you a date-free burger while you wait.
Two burgers.
With fries? - Yeah.
- Coming right up.
Thanks.
Where are you going? As far away from those screaming lumps of snails and puppy dog tails as I can get.
You know, it's tough travelling at night.
Why don't you wait till morning to hit the road, and maybe we'll go together.
I can't wait till morning.
I have to get some sleep.
Where are you planning to sleep out in the cold, really cold, dark, pitch-black night? In a tree.
That way, the wild animals won't be able to eat me.
Yeah, well, you better tie yourself to a branch so you don't fall out.
Good suggestion.
Thanks.
Let me know when you're on your way.
Right.
Like, you'll be able to hear me through all the racket.
Do me a favour.
Do not, under any circumstances, let Ruthie out of your sight.
She's planning to run away.
You do see that she's just crying out for attention, don't you? Yes, and your mother and I are doing everything we can to give her the attention she needs, but our hands are kind of full right now.
We'd like you to give her some of yours.
Strike that.
A lot of yours.
- All of yours.
- Well, hey, I'm a team player.
I'm delighted to hear it.
- Oh, hey, Dad.
- Yeah.
If I pay for it, can I order a pizza or something? "Or something" like what? I don't know what my taste buds are in the mood for.
If you and your buds are thinking of giving the Dairy Shack a jingle, forget it.
I don't want Matt to think we're checking in on him.
What if the pizza place isn't delivering? What are the odds of that? These are strange times.
It could happen.
- No, it couldn't.
- But what if, Dad? What if? Do what you think is right.
That was easy.
Oh, Dad.
Have you seen Mary? No, but I haven't been downstairs.
- Should we go down together? - No.
I'll find her.
Okay, well, then, you two can get started.
You're welcome in advance.
And please kill me in advance.
If I get one quieted down, the other one starts up.
It's like a tag team.
We can't keep this up.
We just can't.
- What's going on? - No.
Nothing.
Well, Simon's ordering from the Dairy Shack.
- They deliver now, you know.
- I know.
You're not really gonna let him humiliate Matt on his first night at work, are you? I'm not letting him do anything.
Okay, it's okay.
Dairy Shack, offering fast service from courteous drivers bringing you hot, delicious Dairy Shack snacks.
May I take your order, please? This is Simon Camden of the Camden residence, and I'd like a chilli cheese dog with onions.
More chilli than onions.
- Where have you been? - Delivering orders.
Well, you're too slow.
We're losing business here.
I don't know how much longer we can keep our heads above water.
Calm down, Roger.
It's been 25 minutes.
Without me, you wouldn't have anyone driving anything anywhere.
Fine.
Just you remember who the boss man is.
Dairy Shack, offering fast service from courteous drivers bringing you hot, delicious Dairy Shack snacks.
May I put you on hold? Absolutely.
This second line is coming in handy.
So, where are you off to? I've had it with this town.
I'm moving on.
And the jump rope? Dad told me to tie myself to a tree.
Can't you wait one lousy little second? Give me a break.
If you two had any sense, you'd come with me.
- She has a point.
- I hate it when that happens.
What's your story? I just took out the trash? If you leave, you're supposed to tell somebody, but I really hope you stay, because if you don't, I will feel very sad and scared for you out there all alone in the cold, dark night.
So do us both a favour and wait till the morning.
Fine.
Not out of your sight.
Not for a second.
Well I'd better get upstairs and get started on that bathroom.
You know, if I know Mary, she's probably already started it.
Probably.
Boy, she can scrub a tub, can't she? Her arms must be really strong from all that rebounding.
Look at this floor.
There's no way you could have done this with your feet.
My feet? My little old weak feet? Heck, no.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, I better get going.
Sure, you don't want to miss out on any of that crying.
It's just that Lucy's home covering for me.
Not one of her best skills.
In that case, I think it's safe to assume your parents know you've gone AWOL and they'd be on their way over here right now, except that - The babies are still crying.
- The babies are still crying.
Okay, but this time, I kick off.
"I wouldn't ask you to do this, but it's so important.
" Mary, Lucy, keep up the good work.
Remember, cleanliness is next to godliness.
Like God cares if our bathtub is clean.
They make you wear a hat, huh? Paper.
It's nice.
Better stay away from the grill, because between that hat and your hairspray, you're a fireball waiting to happen.
A chilli dog costs 17 bucks? No, but there was an order added to it.
And altogether, it's 17.
35, excluding tip, the big tip, the big tip that's gonna allow you to draw breath for one more day.
- Hey, you.
How's it going? - He's fine.
Do you know anything about this? Yep.
That's everything.
And who, pray tell, is gonna pay for everything? Well, your dad said that if a pizza came through the door, he'd pay for it, but if it was a Dairy Shack delivery, it was your treat.
So thank you, my gracious son.
- I don't have all night.
- I'm not just gonna eyeball a bill when we're talking about this kind of money.
- There you go.
- Thank you.
- My change? - My tip.
You know, there's an ongoing belief that tipping is merely subsidising what the employer should be paying the employee in the first place.
But I myself am on the fence, so enjoy.
I'll get it as soon as I look this over.
Guess who just got in the back of Matt's car.
You, out.
I have burgers to deliver.
I love riding in a car full of hamburgers and french fries.
I had a dream I did it once, and I woke up really happy.
Listen, it's only the first week with the babies.
It'll get better.
Are you kidding? It'll only get worse.
Those babies will just feel more at home and then take over completely.
- How do you know? - Because once upon a time that was my plan.
And now it's gone.
Look.
Don't make me get Mom and Dad.
You couldn't get Mom and Dad from the children of the corn, even if you wanted to.
Come on, Ruthie.
You know you can't go with me.
Oh, yeah? Well, I say you can't go without me.
Ruthie! - Come on.
Let's go.
- No, I won't go.
You can't make me.
All right, that's it.
Go get Mom and Dad.
- I can't.
- Why? Because if I do, they'll know she escaped.
I can't believe this.
Please, Ruthie? Pretty please? Let's just go back inside the house and talk about it.
The only thing I want to talk about is how to send those babies back to wherever they came from.
I don't care what anybody says.
They're not cute.
Well, of course they're not cute.
Compared to you, who is? I'm not buying it.
Get away from me.
Please? I'll give you a cookie.
Two cookies.
Cookies and ice cream.
Money? Cold, hard cash? I liked it better when you were ignoring me.
Mary! Mary! Hey.
Hi.
I'm sorry I'm late.
I couldn't get Billy to bed.
Give me that old-time religion Give me that old-time religion Give me that old-time religion It's good enough for me Finally.
Thank you.
- Where's Simon? - I thought he was with you.
And why wasn't he watching Ruthie? Is Simon my new mommy? He never let the dog out.
It's not funny.
Okay, you're right.
It is funny.
It's not funny, so stop laughing.
Happy! Happy, come here, girl! She's in my car.
That'll be 7.
50.
I suggest a big tip.
So I'm living in my aunt's upstairs apartment.
Let me tell you, being locked up there with a 3-year-old is tough.
Give me that! That money's real! I'm sorry.
He's not normally like this.
You just keep telling yourself that.
New England is cold, and Billy's not used to being indoors so much, so he has all this pent-up energy.
And I have him in a day-care centre all the time, so he's always sick.
So, basically, I'm miserable, I'm lonely, and I can't stop thinking about you.
I'll be right back.
Boss wants to see you right away.
I think you're in trouble.
- Stop smiling.
- Okay.
We just lost one of our biggest customers.
A burger, fries and a milkshake's your biggest customer? I don't think so.
My family's your biggest customer.
Here at Dairy Shack, every customer is a big customer.
Look, I called in a replacement order from my house.
I'll pay for it and take it right over and apologise personally to your biggest customer.
I'm afraid it's a little too late for that.
The customer was extremely upset, and I think we both know what that means.
No more deliveries.
Come on.
Those three kids out there can drive, but not one of them has a car.
I mean, did they tell you that? If you get rid of me, who's gonna do all the deliveries? You can't fire me.
Oh, yes, I can.
You know why? I'm the boss of you.
I hope that this rejection won't deter you from seeking further career opportunities in the fast-food industry.
My nose.
- What happened? - Nothing.
Where's my order? You're gonna defy management? Where's my order? But you no longer work here.
You're my hero.
If it hadn't taken so long to pay for the order, Ruthie wouldn't have had time to slip away.
You two have no idea what it's like watching her.
I think we do.
You know, they could have colic.
It's a pattern of unexplainable, uncontrollable crying that can make any parent feel like a failure.
Make him leave.
Colic doesn't generally come around till the third or fourth week.
And before you go giving out any more advice, why don't you just take care of your sister and your dog like we asked you to, because one of them ran away and one of them peed on the kitchen floor.
Fine.
But it takes a village, my friend.
As soon as I get some sleep, The little blond boy is mine.
I know.
- Shana? - Matt? - Haven't seen you in months.
- What are you doing here? Burgers.
Do you live here? I moved out.
- With your brother? - No! No, your dad helped him get into a residence programme for teens, and he helped me find this.
So I'm here all alone.
What time do you get off work? You know, I just got fired.
Isn't that great? - What? - Nothing.
It's just that, well, you remember when we came here and we had that talk and you wanted me to say, "I love you"? Yeah.
That was pretty funny.
I was such a dope.
Where's Billy? I wish tonight had been better.
I'm really sorry I had to bring Billy with me.
He is your son.
Yeah, but it does make it hard to have a relationship.
It took me going away to realise how special the three of us were together.
I'm thinking about coming back to Glen Oak and going to school next year.
Well? What do you think? I guess what I think depends on why you're doing it.
I'm doing it for us.
What we had was special, and I think we could have it again.
Is that Lucy's old boyfriend or your new boyfriend? What's going on with you two? There's nothing going on.
I'm sorry about tonight too, but I should really get home.
Before I go, I need to know how you feel.
If you're involved with that guy over there, just tell me.
I'm not involved with Jordan, and I don't like being put on the spot to make your life decisions.
So just do whatever you want to do.
What do you want me to do? I want you to stop asking me that and decide for yourself.
Good night.
Swing low sweet chariot Comin' for to carry me home Swing low sweet chariot Comin' for to carry me home Thank you.
Oh, I looked over Jordan And what did I see Comin' for to carry me home? Oh, a band of angels Comin' after me Comin' for to carry me home Could I borrow her for a second? Hey, Mary.
Thanks for trying to get the babies to sleep.
We really appreciate it.
Especially after you worked so hard around here all night.
Does she think we believe she's been scrubbing toilets in that outfit? What happened to you? You look terrible.
Oh, it's nice of you to notice.
I really should get that.
It could be an emergency.
Hello? Hello, this is Mr.
Denbro at Dairy Shack.
I was wondering perchance if you'd seen our delivery boy? It's your boss.
He's got an APB out on you.
What do you want, Roger? Might I interest you in rejoining team Dairy Shack? Sorry.
Can't.
Let that be a lesson to you.
There is no "I," "me," or "mine" in team Dairy Shack.
It's a team.
A team! I need to be alone.
What about that bet with your father? Pay my dad 20 bucks or stay here with you? I'll borrow the money from Simon.
So, what did you do the hour and a half before that? You know, while I was scrubbing the entire house.
Actually, it's kind of a funny story.
I, you know, bumped into a friend of yours.
Well, of course you did.
All my friends are out tonight.
And which friend would that be? So, when should we bust them? Just give them a few more minutes.
You did what? You've still got it.
I couldn't help it.
It's not like I planned to meet him there.
I don't care if you planned it or not.
I've been cleaning all night long just so you can have a date with two guys, one of which is my boyfriend.
And you had me lie to Mom and Dad.
I lied and lied and lied.
I wove a twisted web of lies and deceit and walked a tightrope on it all night long.
Are they standing behind me? - Yes.
- Yes.
Allow me.
I am sending myself to my room.
Okay.
I have to tell you the truth.
I wasn't here all night.
I kind of snuck out to meet Wilson, but I ran into Jordan.
So I'm thinking, house arrest for the next couple weeks? Couple, meaning two? Two weeks is just a down payment on the time you're gonna serve.
But I found out something really important.
I've outgrown Wilson.
Well.
- All's well that ends well.
- Yes.
- Really? - No.
- I'm so tired.
- I'm gonna say good night to Simon.
Okay.
I'll just check in on the twins and then I'll spend a couple minutes with Ruthie.
Interesting bedside reading.
Someone's got to read something.
The crying has to stop.
It has to.
If your God won't do anything about this infernal wailing, Simon Camden will.
You could borrow it if you want.
Simon I'm beat.
I haven't slept for a week.
I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but you have to stop helping us with the babies so much.
Not that we don't appreciate it, especially since your brother and sisters have figuratively and literally left us.
The thing is I think you have your hands full with Happy and Ruthie, and if you take care of those two, that'll be doing a lot.
Yeah, but I'm the one who got the twins to be boys.
And there's an important bond between brothers.
I know from experience and Chapter 5.
The bonding will come.
But right now, the babies don't really need anyone but Mom, and Mom just needs everyone else to do whatever she needs them to do.
I just thought it'd be different.
I thought it'd be fun.
I know I was fun for Matt.
Yeah, but, you're an exceptional brother.
And, you know, it'll get fun.
I promise.
Hey.
So it's minimum wage plus tips? I owe you 20 bucks.
I got fired.
It was a humiliating, but surprisingly good evening, nonetheless.
I wish I had your life.
I know.
Wait a second.
When you said I didn't even know what any job was about Whatever the job, the work is to make the boss look good.
That's it.
Make the boss look good.
- Does that help? - Oh, yeah.
Next time, I'll be a lot more careful who my boss is.
By the way, thanks for helping Shana find an apartment.
Could you give this a shot? I wanna see Ruthie before she falls asleep or joins the Army.
Okay.
Isn't that one of the outfits that Grandpa and Ginger sent to the boys? Is that what it is? I had no idea.
It was just lying around somewhere.
On the third shelf of the linen closet where we keep the rest of the baby gifts? Look.
I want to show you something.
Where'd you get this? It has my name on it.
Well, it's a baby book I made for you a long time ago.
Here's a picture of you before you were even born.
See my tummy? That's you.
Maybe I never should have come out.
But look what you would have missed.
Riding on Daddy's shoulders.
And Simon rocking you on the front porch.
And Mary giving you a bath in the kitchen sink.
My butt was a lot smaller then.
All of our bottoms were a lot smaller then.
And look.
Your first birthday party.
And here's a ringlet from the first time that I cut your hair.
Are you gonna give this book to me when I grow up? No, I'm going to give it to you now.
Now you're a big sister.
I want you to have it.
You mean to keep.
In my room? Cool.
You better go get Sam and David.
I'll be okay.
I can put myself to bed.
You're such a big girl.
I'm so proud of you.
Just don't grow up too fast, okay? Step aside, people.
Give me a shot at it.
Just a closer walk with thee Grant it, Jesus, is my plea - Daily walking close to thee - Daily walking close to thee Let it be, dear Lord, let it be Lucy? - I am weak, but thou art strong - I am weak, but thou art strong - Jesus, keep me from all wrong - Jesus, keep me from all wrong - I'll be satisfied as long - I'll be satisfied as long As I walk, let me walk close to thee Just a closer walk with thee I forgot how beautiful Lucy's voice is.
And boy, can she clean a toilet.
it, Jesus, is my plea Daily walking close to thee Let it be, dear Lord, let it be Let it be, dear Lord, let it be
I can't believe that happened again.
Hi.
Where you going? That wasn't very nice.
Daddy is very tired.
Hold on.
I'll be just a second.
Okay.
- Was that the back door? - I think so.
You want Mom and Dad to hear you? They're waiting for us.
You know they are.
Waiting for someone to stop that incessant crying.
It never stops.
Thus the word "incessant.
" We're trapped in our own home.
Hell home.
Sorry.
Usually my brain self-censors, but I can't hear myself think.
Okay, listen.
We can use the crying for cover.
If we sneak up into our rooms very, very quietly, then Mom and Dad won't be able to hear for the screaming.
Come on.
- They're home.
- Oh, yeah, all five of them.
At last, reinforcements.
You know, this is their first weekend with seven children home.
As helpful as they might be, they're gonna try to take advantage of the situation.
Oh, I know, but I love a challenge.
Go.
Go, go, go.
Look, honey.
They're home.
Sometimes I feel Like a motherless child Sometimes I feel Like a motherless child Sometimes I feel Like a motherless child A long, long way from home Ruthie, you are not a motherless child.
Your mother's right here, listening to your beautiful song.
But I am a little busy now, and I could use your help.
You're a big sister now and that means you're more important than ever.
All right, all right.
What do you want me to do? Would you like to hold Sam while I feed David? I don't want to see you feed either one of them again until they're eating with knives and forks.
You know, I fed you the same way.
Wait, wait.
Where you going? Where you going? Come up with something important.
We're counting on all of you for some help tonight.
It is somewhere important.
It's the most important somewhere in the world.
It's the Dairy Shack.
I got a job.
Yeah, they started a new delivery service.
- Your car or their car? - My car.
How much does it pay? Minimum wage plus tips.
Bet you 50 bucks it doesn't last the night.
Why would you bet against me? Because one, you have yet to realise what any job really is really about, And two, I could use the 50 bucks.
I got two new mouths to feed.
Make it 20, and you're on.
You know, a mother feeding her child is the sweetest picture in the world.
Do you have any idea how much this hurts? Maybe I'll start dinner.
Mary and Lucy can start dinner.
You should try to grab a 15-minute nap.
When I'm finished, you can keep an eye on them - while I shower and nap.
- I'm on my way.
And Simon is on Ruthie duty until further notice.
You're going to bed now? It's 5:00.
I just got out of the shower, I'm going to try and grab a nap.
Dad, you have to get those babies on a schedule.
Simon, while I appreciate the advice, your mother and I think we know what we're doing at this point.
Really? Because it's been seven, almost eight years since the two of you have had an infant around, and parenting isn't what it used to be.
If I spend time talking to you, I'm not gonna get a nap, and I need a nap, so you wanna know what you can do to make things easier? Find Ruthie and welcome her into the world of being an older sibling.
Show her how it's done.
And walk the dog.
Yeah? - Start dinner.
- What do you want us to cook? It doesn't matter.
Just cook something.
I don't have time to talk.
I've already wasted five minutes of my nap time.
If we cook dinner, could we go out later? Run errands, anything? No one is going anywhere until your mother and I get eight hours of sleep.
Eight consecutive hours, not total.
Understood? I was just asking.
Sorry, I'm just overtired and overwhelmed.
- Eric! - That's-- Bye.
Towel, please! - We have to go to plan B.
- Not plan B, please.
No! I'm afraid so, and I need your help.
Mom and Dad won't let me leave, and at best, they'll tell him to come here.
And that is just wrong.
Nobody should be here.
We shouldn't even be here.
Okay, okay.
Mom and Dad are so busy, they probably won't even miss you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You used to fit into one of those.
Look how big you've gotten.
I still fit.
You know what would be great? If it's a great way to help you with the babies, forget it.
Come on.
You gotta get out of there before it breaks and you hurt yourself.
- I don't wanna get out.
- Come on, let's go.
Mommy! Mommy! Hey.
A little help here.
Okay.
I'll be right back.
Mommy! - Daddy hurt me.
- Where does it hurt? - My foot.
- I didn't touch her foot.
I didn't touch your foot.
Come on, I'll clean you up, and we'll put a boo-boo strip on your foot, and Mommy make it feel all better.
Okay? Then Mommy's gonna take a nap.
So close.
Welcome to the Dairy Shack.
You have volunteered for the most intensive fast-food training known to man.
Many of you will not successfully negotiate this programme.
Those of you who succeed will be a part of the burger elite.
Shouldn't all the members of the burger elite wear a uniform? I mean, isn't that how we identify other elite? I was hired with the understanding I didn't have to wear a uniform.
Sounds like my father.
But there's a new sheriff in town, and he likes the uniform.
With the hat.
- What was that? - Tuna Helper.
So there was supposed to be tuna in it? He's right.
It was just the helper.
We were supposed to add the tuna? Maybe we can just call Dairy Shack and get a delivery.
I'm fine with just the helper.
I'm not.
I need some tuna.
Or something.
Okay.
I gotta go.
I'll be back in an hour.
If anyone's looking for me, just act like I just left the room.
- That's your plan? - Yeah.
When someone says: "Hey, where's Mary?" go, "You just missed her.
" you should stay home more and work on better plans.
Mary's backing out of the driveway.
Yeah, I knew she was up to something.
What do you think that something is? - A guy.
- A guy.
Oh, when the saints Oh, when the saints Go marching in Go marching in Oh, when the saints go marching in Go marching in I want to be Be in that number, number Oh, when the saints go marching in Go marching in I thought that'd be a real mood lifter.
- It always is for me.
- I know.
I don't get it.
I mean, I talked to them in the womb.
My voice should soothe them.
Yes.
Well, I appreciate your trying.
You know, it is pretty normal for babies to cry a lot.
I mean, eat, sleep, poop, pee, cry pretty much covers their day.
Yeah, I've heard that.
Hey, what are you doing in here? Your mom was going to try and catch a quick nap.
Okay, we guys'll take those guys, and we'll pace around for a little while.
That should settle them down.
Good call, Dad.
What if you both leave? I think I can get things under control.
You got it.
Oh, and tell Mary and Lucy that the kitchen floor is theirs.
- And the bathtub.
- Mary's not back yet.
Two new babies in the house, we still have time to torture the other five.
I told you this would be fun.
You look tired.
What do you say the three of us take a 15-minute nap, huh? And then when we wake up, we'll all feel refreshed.
Look.
I'm only thinking of you here.
No one's home, and I mean, no one.
All my friends have gone out, and I am the only one without a date.
The only one.
You mean, you and Mary, you're the only two.
Of course.
That's what I meant.
Where is Mary, anyway? She was just here.
She must be in the bathroom.
No, no one's in the bathroom.
Then she must be downstairs.
Must be.
- Why do you ask? - No.
No.
No reason.
Well, your mom just wanted the two of you to mop the kitchen floor and do some laundry and scrub the upstairs bathroom, but between the two of you, that shouldn't be too hard.
No.
Thanks, hon.
Hey, Mary.
What are you doing here? I'm meeting someone.
- An ex-boyfriend someone.
- How are the babies? Loud.
I'm kind of sorry Lucy and I didn't stick it out a little longer.
I'd love to meet the newest members of the Camden team.
Can I take your order? We're not together.
We're not on a date.
We're not together.
Come on.
Let me buy you a date-free burger while you wait.
Two burgers.
With fries? - Yeah.
- Coming right up.
Thanks.
Where are you going? As far away from those screaming lumps of snails and puppy dog tails as I can get.
You know, it's tough travelling at night.
Why don't you wait till morning to hit the road, and maybe we'll go together.
I can't wait till morning.
I have to get some sleep.
Where are you planning to sleep out in the cold, really cold, dark, pitch-black night? In a tree.
That way, the wild animals won't be able to eat me.
Yeah, well, you better tie yourself to a branch so you don't fall out.
Good suggestion.
Thanks.
Let me know when you're on your way.
Right.
Like, you'll be able to hear me through all the racket.
Do me a favour.
Do not, under any circumstances, let Ruthie out of your sight.
She's planning to run away.
You do see that she's just crying out for attention, don't you? Yes, and your mother and I are doing everything we can to give her the attention she needs, but our hands are kind of full right now.
We'd like you to give her some of yours.
Strike that.
A lot of yours.
- All of yours.
- Well, hey, I'm a team player.
I'm delighted to hear it.
- Oh, hey, Dad.
- Yeah.
If I pay for it, can I order a pizza or something? "Or something" like what? I don't know what my taste buds are in the mood for.
If you and your buds are thinking of giving the Dairy Shack a jingle, forget it.
I don't want Matt to think we're checking in on him.
What if the pizza place isn't delivering? What are the odds of that? These are strange times.
It could happen.
- No, it couldn't.
- But what if, Dad? What if? Do what you think is right.
That was easy.
Oh, Dad.
Have you seen Mary? No, but I haven't been downstairs.
- Should we go down together? - No.
I'll find her.
Okay, well, then, you two can get started.
You're welcome in advance.
And please kill me in advance.
If I get one quieted down, the other one starts up.
It's like a tag team.
We can't keep this up.
We just can't.
- What's going on? - No.
Nothing.
Well, Simon's ordering from the Dairy Shack.
- They deliver now, you know.
- I know.
You're not really gonna let him humiliate Matt on his first night at work, are you? I'm not letting him do anything.
Okay, it's okay.
Dairy Shack, offering fast service from courteous drivers bringing you hot, delicious Dairy Shack snacks.
May I take your order, please? This is Simon Camden of the Camden residence, and I'd like a chilli cheese dog with onions.
More chilli than onions.
- Where have you been? - Delivering orders.
Well, you're too slow.
We're losing business here.
I don't know how much longer we can keep our heads above water.
Calm down, Roger.
It's been 25 minutes.
Without me, you wouldn't have anyone driving anything anywhere.
Fine.
Just you remember who the boss man is.
Dairy Shack, offering fast service from courteous drivers bringing you hot, delicious Dairy Shack snacks.
May I put you on hold? Absolutely.
This second line is coming in handy.
So, where are you off to? I've had it with this town.
I'm moving on.
And the jump rope? Dad told me to tie myself to a tree.
Can't you wait one lousy little second? Give me a break.
If you two had any sense, you'd come with me.
- She has a point.
- I hate it when that happens.
What's your story? I just took out the trash? If you leave, you're supposed to tell somebody, but I really hope you stay, because if you don't, I will feel very sad and scared for you out there all alone in the cold, dark night.
So do us both a favour and wait till the morning.
Fine.
Not out of your sight.
Not for a second.
Well I'd better get upstairs and get started on that bathroom.
You know, if I know Mary, she's probably already started it.
Probably.
Boy, she can scrub a tub, can't she? Her arms must be really strong from all that rebounding.
Look at this floor.
There's no way you could have done this with your feet.
My feet? My little old weak feet? Heck, no.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, I better get going.
Sure, you don't want to miss out on any of that crying.
It's just that Lucy's home covering for me.
Not one of her best skills.
In that case, I think it's safe to assume your parents know you've gone AWOL and they'd be on their way over here right now, except that - The babies are still crying.
- The babies are still crying.
Okay, but this time, I kick off.
"I wouldn't ask you to do this, but it's so important.
" Mary, Lucy, keep up the good work.
Remember, cleanliness is next to godliness.
Like God cares if our bathtub is clean.
They make you wear a hat, huh? Paper.
It's nice.
Better stay away from the grill, because between that hat and your hairspray, you're a fireball waiting to happen.
A chilli dog costs 17 bucks? No, but there was an order added to it.
And altogether, it's 17.
35, excluding tip, the big tip, the big tip that's gonna allow you to draw breath for one more day.
- Hey, you.
How's it going? - He's fine.
Do you know anything about this? Yep.
That's everything.
And who, pray tell, is gonna pay for everything? Well, your dad said that if a pizza came through the door, he'd pay for it, but if it was a Dairy Shack delivery, it was your treat.
So thank you, my gracious son.
- I don't have all night.
- I'm not just gonna eyeball a bill when we're talking about this kind of money.
- There you go.
- Thank you.
- My change? - My tip.
You know, there's an ongoing belief that tipping is merely subsidising what the employer should be paying the employee in the first place.
But I myself am on the fence, so enjoy.
I'll get it as soon as I look this over.
Guess who just got in the back of Matt's car.
You, out.
I have burgers to deliver.
I love riding in a car full of hamburgers and french fries.
I had a dream I did it once, and I woke up really happy.
Listen, it's only the first week with the babies.
It'll get better.
Are you kidding? It'll only get worse.
Those babies will just feel more at home and then take over completely.
- How do you know? - Because once upon a time that was my plan.
And now it's gone.
Look.
Don't make me get Mom and Dad.
You couldn't get Mom and Dad from the children of the corn, even if you wanted to.
Come on, Ruthie.
You know you can't go with me.
Oh, yeah? Well, I say you can't go without me.
Ruthie! - Come on.
Let's go.
- No, I won't go.
You can't make me.
All right, that's it.
Go get Mom and Dad.
- I can't.
- Why? Because if I do, they'll know she escaped.
I can't believe this.
Please, Ruthie? Pretty please? Let's just go back inside the house and talk about it.
The only thing I want to talk about is how to send those babies back to wherever they came from.
I don't care what anybody says.
They're not cute.
Well, of course they're not cute.
Compared to you, who is? I'm not buying it.
Get away from me.
Please? I'll give you a cookie.
Two cookies.
Cookies and ice cream.
Money? Cold, hard cash? I liked it better when you were ignoring me.
Mary! Mary! Hey.
Hi.
I'm sorry I'm late.
I couldn't get Billy to bed.
Give me that old-time religion Give me that old-time religion Give me that old-time religion It's good enough for me Finally.
Thank you.
- Where's Simon? - I thought he was with you.
And why wasn't he watching Ruthie? Is Simon my new mommy? He never let the dog out.
It's not funny.
Okay, you're right.
It is funny.
It's not funny, so stop laughing.
Happy! Happy, come here, girl! She's in my car.
That'll be 7.
50.
I suggest a big tip.
So I'm living in my aunt's upstairs apartment.
Let me tell you, being locked up there with a 3-year-old is tough.
Give me that! That money's real! I'm sorry.
He's not normally like this.
You just keep telling yourself that.
New England is cold, and Billy's not used to being indoors so much, so he has all this pent-up energy.
And I have him in a day-care centre all the time, so he's always sick.
So, basically, I'm miserable, I'm lonely, and I can't stop thinking about you.
I'll be right back.
Boss wants to see you right away.
I think you're in trouble.
- Stop smiling.
- Okay.
We just lost one of our biggest customers.
A burger, fries and a milkshake's your biggest customer? I don't think so.
My family's your biggest customer.
Here at Dairy Shack, every customer is a big customer.
Look, I called in a replacement order from my house.
I'll pay for it and take it right over and apologise personally to your biggest customer.
I'm afraid it's a little too late for that.
The customer was extremely upset, and I think we both know what that means.
No more deliveries.
Come on.
Those three kids out there can drive, but not one of them has a car.
I mean, did they tell you that? If you get rid of me, who's gonna do all the deliveries? You can't fire me.
Oh, yes, I can.
You know why? I'm the boss of you.
I hope that this rejection won't deter you from seeking further career opportunities in the fast-food industry.
My nose.
- What happened? - Nothing.
Where's my order? You're gonna defy management? Where's my order? But you no longer work here.
You're my hero.
If it hadn't taken so long to pay for the order, Ruthie wouldn't have had time to slip away.
You two have no idea what it's like watching her.
I think we do.
You know, they could have colic.
It's a pattern of unexplainable, uncontrollable crying that can make any parent feel like a failure.
Make him leave.
Colic doesn't generally come around till the third or fourth week.
And before you go giving out any more advice, why don't you just take care of your sister and your dog like we asked you to, because one of them ran away and one of them peed on the kitchen floor.
Fine.
But it takes a village, my friend.
As soon as I get some sleep, The little blond boy is mine.
I know.
- Shana? - Matt? - Haven't seen you in months.
- What are you doing here? Burgers.
Do you live here? I moved out.
- With your brother? - No! No, your dad helped him get into a residence programme for teens, and he helped me find this.
So I'm here all alone.
What time do you get off work? You know, I just got fired.
Isn't that great? - What? - Nothing.
It's just that, well, you remember when we came here and we had that talk and you wanted me to say, "I love you"? Yeah.
That was pretty funny.
I was such a dope.
Where's Billy? I wish tonight had been better.
I'm really sorry I had to bring Billy with me.
He is your son.
Yeah, but it does make it hard to have a relationship.
It took me going away to realise how special the three of us were together.
I'm thinking about coming back to Glen Oak and going to school next year.
Well? What do you think? I guess what I think depends on why you're doing it.
I'm doing it for us.
What we had was special, and I think we could have it again.
Is that Lucy's old boyfriend or your new boyfriend? What's going on with you two? There's nothing going on.
I'm sorry about tonight too, but I should really get home.
Before I go, I need to know how you feel.
If you're involved with that guy over there, just tell me.
I'm not involved with Jordan, and I don't like being put on the spot to make your life decisions.
So just do whatever you want to do.
What do you want me to do? I want you to stop asking me that and decide for yourself.
Good night.
Swing low sweet chariot Comin' for to carry me home Swing low sweet chariot Comin' for to carry me home Thank you.
Oh, I looked over Jordan And what did I see Comin' for to carry me home? Oh, a band of angels Comin' after me Comin' for to carry me home Could I borrow her for a second? Hey, Mary.
Thanks for trying to get the babies to sleep.
We really appreciate it.
Especially after you worked so hard around here all night.
Does she think we believe she's been scrubbing toilets in that outfit? What happened to you? You look terrible.
Oh, it's nice of you to notice.
I really should get that.
It could be an emergency.
Hello? Hello, this is Mr.
Denbro at Dairy Shack.
I was wondering perchance if you'd seen our delivery boy? It's your boss.
He's got an APB out on you.
What do you want, Roger? Might I interest you in rejoining team Dairy Shack? Sorry.
Can't.
Let that be a lesson to you.
There is no "I," "me," or "mine" in team Dairy Shack.
It's a team.
A team! I need to be alone.
What about that bet with your father? Pay my dad 20 bucks or stay here with you? I'll borrow the money from Simon.
So, what did you do the hour and a half before that? You know, while I was scrubbing the entire house.
Actually, it's kind of a funny story.
I, you know, bumped into a friend of yours.
Well, of course you did.
All my friends are out tonight.
And which friend would that be? So, when should we bust them? Just give them a few more minutes.
You did what? You've still got it.
I couldn't help it.
It's not like I planned to meet him there.
I don't care if you planned it or not.
I've been cleaning all night long just so you can have a date with two guys, one of which is my boyfriend.
And you had me lie to Mom and Dad.
I lied and lied and lied.
I wove a twisted web of lies and deceit and walked a tightrope on it all night long.
Are they standing behind me? - Yes.
- Yes.
Allow me.
I am sending myself to my room.
Okay.
I have to tell you the truth.
I wasn't here all night.
I kind of snuck out to meet Wilson, but I ran into Jordan.
So I'm thinking, house arrest for the next couple weeks? Couple, meaning two? Two weeks is just a down payment on the time you're gonna serve.
But I found out something really important.
I've outgrown Wilson.
Well.
- All's well that ends well.
- Yes.
- Really? - No.
- I'm so tired.
- I'm gonna say good night to Simon.
Okay.
I'll just check in on the twins and then I'll spend a couple minutes with Ruthie.
Interesting bedside reading.
Someone's got to read something.
The crying has to stop.
It has to.
If your God won't do anything about this infernal wailing, Simon Camden will.
You could borrow it if you want.
Simon I'm beat.
I haven't slept for a week.
I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but you have to stop helping us with the babies so much.
Not that we don't appreciate it, especially since your brother and sisters have figuratively and literally left us.
The thing is I think you have your hands full with Happy and Ruthie, and if you take care of those two, that'll be doing a lot.
Yeah, but I'm the one who got the twins to be boys.
And there's an important bond between brothers.
I know from experience and Chapter 5.
The bonding will come.
But right now, the babies don't really need anyone but Mom, and Mom just needs everyone else to do whatever she needs them to do.
I just thought it'd be different.
I thought it'd be fun.
I know I was fun for Matt.
Yeah, but, you're an exceptional brother.
And, you know, it'll get fun.
I promise.
Hey.
So it's minimum wage plus tips? I owe you 20 bucks.
I got fired.
It was a humiliating, but surprisingly good evening, nonetheless.
I wish I had your life.
I know.
Wait a second.
When you said I didn't even know what any job was about Whatever the job, the work is to make the boss look good.
That's it.
Make the boss look good.
- Does that help? - Oh, yeah.
Next time, I'll be a lot more careful who my boss is.
By the way, thanks for helping Shana find an apartment.
Could you give this a shot? I wanna see Ruthie before she falls asleep or joins the Army.
Okay.
Isn't that one of the outfits that Grandpa and Ginger sent to the boys? Is that what it is? I had no idea.
It was just lying around somewhere.
On the third shelf of the linen closet where we keep the rest of the baby gifts? Look.
I want to show you something.
Where'd you get this? It has my name on it.
Well, it's a baby book I made for you a long time ago.
Here's a picture of you before you were even born.
See my tummy? That's you.
Maybe I never should have come out.
But look what you would have missed.
Riding on Daddy's shoulders.
And Simon rocking you on the front porch.
And Mary giving you a bath in the kitchen sink.
My butt was a lot smaller then.
All of our bottoms were a lot smaller then.
And look.
Your first birthday party.
And here's a ringlet from the first time that I cut your hair.
Are you gonna give this book to me when I grow up? No, I'm going to give it to you now.
Now you're a big sister.
I want you to have it.
You mean to keep.
In my room? Cool.
You better go get Sam and David.
I'll be okay.
I can put myself to bed.
You're such a big girl.
I'm so proud of you.
Just don't grow up too fast, okay? Step aside, people.
Give me a shot at it.
Just a closer walk with thee Grant it, Jesus, is my plea - Daily walking close to thee - Daily walking close to thee Let it be, dear Lord, let it be Lucy? - I am weak, but thou art strong - I am weak, but thou art strong - Jesus, keep me from all wrong - Jesus, keep me from all wrong - I'll be satisfied as long - I'll be satisfied as long As I walk, let me walk close to thee Just a closer walk with thee I forgot how beautiful Lucy's voice is.
And boy, can she clean a toilet.
it, Jesus, is my plea Daily walking close to thee Let it be, dear Lord, let it be Let it be, dear Lord, let it be