90210 Episode Scripts

N/A - The Dionysian Debacle

"Previously on" 90210: My dad says I have to live at home.
Stay at my house.
|As long as you want.
Hey, Liam,|I'm not gonna be your booty call.
Hello, Silver.
Hey, I saw your movie on YouTube.
I can't go back to school.
I'm enrolling at St.
|I just need a fresh start.
You don't have to give your baby up|if you don't want to.
What are you saying, get married? Yes, yes.
Married, sure.
Yeah, okay, we're getting married.
Freshly pureed carrots|coming on up.
Oh, who's hungry? I think I know who's hungry.
Organic vegetables|coming in for a landing.
Open up, Hannah.
Hannah? That's an odd name|for a boy.
Well, she's not gonna be a boy.
Oh, please, the way you're carrying,|she's a boy.
He's a boy.
We'll call him Habib.
- Habib? Really?|- Yeah.
Do you want him|to be teased mercilessly? Kids in Beverly Hills are used|to all kinds of names.
Not by kids, by me.
Habib's a good name.
Very masculine, yet sensitive.
Which is the kind of kid|he's gonna be.
Rugged but soulful.
|Athletic but not jocky.
Intelligent but not nerdy.
You know what I bet|he's really gonna be in to? Chess.
Oh, babies do not play chess.
Of if any baby could, ours could.
I'm telling you, our little guy|is gonna have the best.
I made this bassinet, you know? I know and I love it.
But babies do not play chess.
Not at first, I guess.
When he's older.
|I'm telling you, he's gonna be a prodigy.
Well, I don't need a prodigy.
|I just want a healthy baby.
- Come to Mama.
|- Better get to school.
- Who's gonna take care of Hannah?|- My parents.
Yeah, if they're on board.
Of course I'm on board|to raise our grandbaby.
- Navid?|- What? They don't know I'm pregnant.
Because you keep avoiding them|which you can't keep doing.
Because unless you have|the gestation period of an elephant, the cat is gonna come out of the bag|soon enough.
Not to mix my animal metaphors.
I know that they need to know.
|I just I thought maybe you'd tell them|by yourself while I go hide under a bed.
No, it's not gonna be that bad,|I promise.
In fact, I can tell you exactly|how the whole thing is gonna go down.
At first, yeah,|they'll explode with anger.
My mom's gonna start to cry.
She cries when she burns dinner.
While Mom's crying, Dad will rant how|we never should've moved to America.
He'll say random things about,|you know, the dangers of video games or processed sugar.
He really hates processed sugar.
|And then - There's more?|- Then they'll start to calm down.
My dad will begin to shake his head.
|My mom will start to sigh.
But the worst will be over.
That's when I'll bring in the clincher.
I'll suggest|if they don't take care of the baby, we'll get a nanny,|my mom will be like: "Shirazis don't use nannies.
|Are you crazy? Family takes care of family.
" And then it'll be all hugs and kisses|and halvah from there on out.
I'm sorry.
Don't you think they're gonna freak when they find you're not|the biological father? No, my mom was raised by a stepdad.
|Her favorite person in the world.
It's not gonna matter to them|who the sperm donor is.
I'm gonna be Habib's father.
I'm going to be the one|to build his bassinet.
Well, Habib is a very lucky kid|despite his unfortunate name.
What about this? Are you and Liam grabbing a drink|or applying for a second mortgage? You're right.
It's ridiculous.
It's just tomorrow's|our first official date and I want him to take me seriously,|you know.
I really like this guy.
|I mean, he's smart, interesting, deep.
I want him to know|I have substance.
I don't want him to think I'm just|someone he has sex with in the woods - or in cars or in your bed.
|- What? - Laundry.
|- Oh, figure of speech.
Maybe I can find something to wear|in here.
So listen, Naomi, I know|you're going through a difficult time.
Because my dad's a pervert.
Newspapers are comparing him|to Clarence Thomas, whoever that is? Yeah, it's been tough.
Yeah, I bet it has.
But are you even talking|to your father trying to come up with a solution|to this situation? Yeah, his solution is|that I move back in with him and play the role|of the "good daughter.
" And make nice|with his skanky girlfriend.
My solution is they take his solution|and shove it up his ass.
The only compromise we came to|is that I stay here until the sexual harassment|case blows over.
And seriously, thank God|you guys are letting me crash here.
I'm so grateful.
You have no idea.
Yeah, thank you so much, Mom.
- You're welcome.
|- Yeah.
Could you iron this, "por favor?" You are the best.
Oh, my God.
I'm so mad right now.
- Take it easy.
|- I can't.
He makes me crazy.
- Who? Who?|- Liam.
He canceled our date again.
I swear I'm gonna rage out right now.
- No raging out.
|- But why did he do it? Why? Did he meet someone else?|Or is he sick? Why don't you just ask him|for an explanation? Yes, yes.
Oh, my God.
I love living with you.
Okay, what do you think? You look like you're going|to Catholic school.
Come on, Dixon.
|Doesn't seeing me in this uniform - make you feel better?|- Not really.
Don't tell me|you have a yeshiva fetish.
Well, okay, I will try to grow out the little curls|and wear a fur hat in the summer.
I just think it's a little extreme.
Wearing fur hats in summer?|I agree.
No, I'm not talking about fur hats.
I'm talking about Catholic school.
|I mean, you're not even Catholic.
It's pretty much like any other school|with the occasional mass.
It's the only place|that would take me mid-semester.
You have to understand,|I can't go back to West Beverly.
I'll always be crazy bipolar girl|who made a sex tape.
Silver, that's not true.
Everyone there knows what I did.
I walk in that building, people|are gonna stare and whisper and I just can't take that.
I can't.
I need a fresh start.
|And I need you to be supportive.
Kelly got on board.
Why can't you? Because Kelly's still|gonna see you everyday.
I mean, you won't come hang out|with me at the Peach Pit anymore.
And you're not gonna be in school,|so You're still gonna see me all the time,|I promise.
Can't you try to accept this for me? Does the outfit come|with the knee socks? I'd like you all to welcome a new student|who'll be joining our homeroom.
Please introduce yourself.
Hi, I'm Erin.
Erin Silver.
And what brings you to St.
Clare's,|Erin? Well, the academics mostly.
|I hear they're really good here.
And I like what you have to offer|in terms of, you know, God.
And morals.
I'm really excited|to be around people with good morals.
That's pretty much it.
Well, we're pleased to have you.
Tell me,|are you familiar with the catechism? No, not really.
Not a problem.
|Why don't you have a seat, Erin? Would anyone like to help Erin|brush up on? Okay, Angela.
But remember,|not everyone is as pious as you are.
So go easy on her.
Okay? - I will Sister Mary Elisabeth.
|- All right.
Let's begin|with our morning offering.
Oh, Jesus,|through the immaculate heart of Mary, I offer you my prayers, works, joys and sufferings of this day.
- What the hell?|- You okay? - Dahlias are out of season.
|- No.
I'm having dinner with Navid's parents,|dahlias are his mom's favorite flower.
The only florist that has them right now|is up in Santa Barbara.
You think I should ditch school|and drive there? I'm gonna go with no.
What are you nervous about?|His parents are in love with you.
- Yeah, but|- But what? Okay.
I was gonna wait until tomorrow|to tell you this, but, well, Navid and I are getting married.
What the hell? Okay, not exactly the reaction|I was hoping for.
L I'm sorry.
I'm just Why? Well, we're gonna keep the baby.
You're gonna keep the baby? Yeah, I am.
Navid's gonna raise her with me which is why we're getting married.
I don't understand why you have|to get married to keep the baby.
Why you wanna keep the baby|for that matter.
I'm keeping the baby|because it's my baby.
I wanna raise it.
And I didn't think it was possible before|but now, because of Navid, it is.
I wanna be with him for the rest of my|life.
And he wants to do this with me.
He's so amazing.
He'd have to be pretty amazing|to be okay with raising Ty's baby.
Oh, he still thinks the dad's|some guy from rehab? Ade.
You know, it didn't seem that important|when I was set on adoption.
If you can't be honest with Navid, do|you think you should be marrying him? - It's complicated.
|- It's not.
You're afraid if you tell him the truth, your perfect, little marriage fantasy|will end.
Look, don't judge me.
If you love him, you need to tell him.
What's that I smell? Are we per chance having salmon|for dinner? - We are.
|- Wow, three times this week.
You guys take that omega-3|propaganda seriously, huh? No, Mom makes salmon|because she knows how much I like it.
Maybe you should think about what|the other family members might want.
Kobe beef.
Just kidding.
Fillet's fine.
How was your day without Silver? - Well|- Oh, poor Dixie.
He's bumming hardcore,|long-distance relationships blow.
Stop calling me Dixie.
And, yeah, they do blow.
You're not in a long-distance|relationship, Dixie Dixon.
Silver's just going to another school.
- You'll have to put in extra effort.
|- I guess you're right.
Gut feeling, it's not gonna work.
Hey there.
|Easy on the pepper, Mama.
What do you kids have planned|for the rest of the day? You're not gonna stand|watching me cook? I'm going to the gyno.
- Jeez, Naomi.
|- What? Oh, it's time for my Pap.
|Oh, hey, Annie.
- You know about HPV, right?|- Yeah.
It doesn't matter if you have your|V card.
All it takes is genital contact.
- Naomi.
|- Please.
- What? Ask me how I know that.
|- It's okay, really.
Super-hot gyno.
He talks, I listen.
Anyways, I'm off.
Have fun.
Oh, believe me, I will.
So salmon, huh? Dixon, where you going? Not really hungry anymore.
The catechism is arranged|into four principal parts.
I'm assuming|you know The Lord's Prayer? Not a problem.
We'll go over it.
Of course, my pleasure.
So you went to West Beverly, right? I know what you meant by wanting|to be around people with better morals.
I don't know|how you survived West Beverly.
It's like Sodom and Gomorrah|over there with all the sex and drugs.
So much money and excess.
And no moral compass.
Sometimes I'll see|those West Beverly kids at the movies.
And they'll buy a medium soda and|then just keep going back for refills.
It's not like they got the jumbo which|comes with free refills, you know.
They could totally afford the jumbo.
Yeah, I mean that's why I left.
Things like the soda stuff.
Should we get back|to the catechism though? Because I have much to learn.
Of course.
Now, I know|this can be overwhelming.
Try not to think of it as work.
Okay, think of religion as like the best extra-curricular activity ever.
I did a little shopping after the gyno.
- What do you think? Good.
|- Oh, so cute.
It's for you.
Try it on.
- What? Why?|- So I can see if it fits.
Go, shoo.
Yeah, I know,|but why did you buy me a gift? To thank you.
That advice you gave me|about confronting Liam and ask him why he canceled,|genius.
He told me the reason.
|We came up with a solution.
And voilĂ , we're back on for tonight.
So why'd he cancel? Oh, his cousin came up|from San Diego.
He had to hang with him.
Does it fit? Perfectly.
|I just need help with the zipper.
Wow, it looks amazing on you.
- Try these on with it.
|- You bought me shoes too? - What, Naomi?|- Put them on.
So are you gonna hang out|with this cousin too? Yeah, we're gonna do|the double-date thing.
- With who?|- Well, seeing as you're already dressed Naomi, I hate blind dates.
Please? You know|how important tonight is to me.
Okay, I'll go.
Hey, thanks again for everything today|and I'll see you tomorrow.
- All right, have a good night.
|- You too.
Hey, what are you doing here? I called Kel's and I told her|I was gonna pick you up.
Hey, well, let's go.
All right? Everything all right? You shouldn't have come.
|I'm trying to keep a low profile.
I wasn't exactly making a scene.
I know.
I just I don't need people|knowing things about me.
I told you,|I'm trying to make a fresh start.
So that means|you can't have a boyfriend? No, I just I wanna keep my personal life|separate from school, okay? What does that mean for us? I mean, you don't want to go anywhere we|might run into anyone from West Bev.
You don't want me near St.
So where does that leave us|to hang out? I don't know.
My house.
- Your house.
|- Are you serious? Look, this is just what I need|right now, okay? Yeah.
- Hello, Navid.
|- Thanks, Jackie.
It's gonna be okay.
Hi, guys.
- Hey, you two.
|- Hello.
Adrianna, we are so glad|you're having dinner with us tonight.
We keep telling Navid to bring you by, but, well, you know how he is,|so private.
Well, thank you so much|for having me.
These are for you.
Oh, I love peonies.
That's so thoughtful.
Thank you.
It'll be fine.
So how've you been? Well This is an outrage.
- This is just outrageous.
|- Look, I know I know this is a shock.
But we're in love|and we're getting married.
Married?|Sixteen and you're having a baby? This is an outrage! - I knew it.
|- I tried to be a good mother.
I knew|we shouldn't have moved to America.
- It was a mistake.
|- What did I do wrong? Mom, Dad, we came to you|because we have a plan and we want you to be a part of it.
- You have a plan?|- What plan could you possibly have? We thought we could live|in the guest house.
Now, we still want to finish high school|and go to college.
Of course,|we'll maybe have to hire some help.
Maybe we'll get a nanny.
Our family doesn't use nannies.
Are you nuts in the head? Your cousin Ravi will watch the baby|two days a week.
I'll take care of the others.
Family takes care of family.
- Thanks, Mom.
|- Well, what did you expect? This baby's blood.
Well, just so you know,|not that this matters, but the baby isn't, you know,|technically your blood.
- What do you mean?|- What is technical here? Just that it's not my baby biologically,|but, you know, I don't even care, so - You didn't get her pregnant?|- Well, no, not technically.
But that's not the point.
The father's|out of the picture and I'm here.
So I want to raise the baby as if What are you talking about?|Mom was raised by her stepdad.
End of story.
- But, Dad, you don't|- End of story.
Oh, hey, you two.
I'm Naomi.
|You probably heard a lot about me.
This is Annie.
Annie, this is Liam.
- I'm Bru-Dog, what up?|- Sorry? Bru-Dog, old surf name that stuck.
And you are a hottie, Annie-Dog.
So this is where you woo the ladies? Don't do much wooing unless the ladies insist|on being wooed.
- Well, it's a cute place.
|- Two-dollar beers.
- What's better than that?|- One-dollar beers.
So how was your day? Not bad.
You know, I was actually thinking|about buying a new car.
- Maybe you could advise me.
|- Didn't you just get a new car? Yeah.
So, what kind of car|were you thinking? I want a hybrid.
- I'm pretty pro-environment.
|- Maybe you could get a bike then? Are you kidding? - I can't tell if you're kidding.
|- I'm kidding.
Right, yeah, funny.
Me on a bike.
Nancy Sutley would be into it.
Totally, yeah, I know.
You know what? I am going to run|to the little girl's room.
Remind to me give you my|Nancy Sutley story when I get back.
Another one coming up.
You got some place to be? Oh, no.
This is fun.
- You don't like me, do you?|- No, I like you just fine.
Don't lie.
Honestly, people who grunt one-word|answers aren't really my cup of tea.
Whatever floats your boat.
Okay, look, I have a confession.
I'm pretty shy around strangers because when I was a kid,|we moved around a lot.
I was always meeting new people and they would mock me.
And make me feel insecure.
I understand.
I am probably|bringing my own baggage to this.
See, I once dated this guy|named Carl-Dog and he had this cousin|who was a real ass.
He would try to screw with people and make them feel uncomfortable.
I guess|it was just to make himself feel better.
Really quite pitiful|and very traumatic for me.
Well, I'm back.
What were we talking about? Oh, yeah, Nancy Sutley.
|Good choice for Obama.
She's such an expert|on California's water and air problems.
Good point.
Hey, look,|sorry I was being short earlier.
I was just getting my bearings.
|So how was your day? Good, not bad.
I mean, I was completely consumed|with this novel.
I was almost late coming here.
I just threw on whatever|and dashed out the door.
Well, whatever looks good on you.
Brewskies from the Bru-Dog.
They're gonna come around.
- I don't know.
|- They will.
They have to.
I had so much fun with you today.
And next time you end up|in Oaxaca, they're running rad double overheads with barrels big enough|to drive a truck through.
That's That's just rad.
- Naomi, time to go home.
|- All right.
Heel boy.
- Later.
|- Bye, guys.
Hey, so you were right.
- I was being a jerk earlier.
|- Not gonna argue.
Come on.
|Can't you give me another shot? Fine, I will give you another shot.
Over dinner next week? Just the two of us.
You cannot marry Adrianna|and raise the child.
Not in our guest house,|not with our support.
That is so hypocritical.
Our family is full of stepkids.
- Honey, you're 16.
|- I know the timing's not perfect.
Navid, it's not up for discussion.
|Our decision is final.
This doesn't mean|that your relationship will end.
You can still date Adrianna.
Just because you're not getting|married, doesn't mean you'll break up.
I know this is hard.
Your heart's in the right place, Navid.
Adrianna will understand.
I'm just saying|if you end up with Bru-Dog and I end up with Liam,|we'll be cousins-in-law.
I am not ending up with Bru-Dog.
You never know, Annie-Dog.
You know, I'm beginning to think|that Liam is taking me seriously.
Going on an actual date is a really big|step forward in our relationship.
Look, I have to tell you something and I know|that it's really going to upset you, but we said that we would be honest|with each other, so Liam asked me out.
- What?|- Yeah.
When we were saying goodbye,|it came completely out of the blue.
- Well, you must have misunderstood.
|- Yeah, but I didn't.
- What did you say?|- Nothing.
I just left.
|I would never do that to you.
- Not never.
|- Never again.
The guy's a jerk, Naomi.
Well, thank you for telling me.
|I appreciate it.
I'm sorry.
|I know how much you like him.
Yeah, it happens.
Can I just get a little privacy tonight? Yeah, sure, of course.
I'll find somewhere else to sleep.
Like my grandma's bed|or something.
Hey, stop that.
I'm doing the dishes|and you're making them dirty again.
- What am I supposed to eat?|- We already ate.
Guys, can we keep it down a little bit? I'm doing my homework here.
- Why don't you go upstairs and work?|- Naomi's upstairs.
She'll try to teach me|how to French braid her hair.
No, no, sorry.
Hey, Mom,|do we have any extra blankets? Grandma's room is drafty|and I'm sleeping there tonight.
- Why?|- It's no big deal.
Naomi just had a really tough night|and she needs some privacy.
- Annie.
|- What? I said it was no big deal.
Sweetheart,|we know you wanna help her out.
Yeah, I do.
|She's going through a really hard time.
We're sympathetic, but her living here,|just not a long-term solution.
What? What? You remember those jeans of mine|she didn't like? She cut them up|into a million pieces.
That's not normal behavior.
She probably thought|that she was doing you a favor.
She threw away my frozen salmon|and filled the fridge with Kobe beef.
So let's try the Kobe,|see what all the fuss is about.
What about the whole|"Principal Boxer Shorts" nickname? - You should have worn a robe.
|- In my own bedroom? She was looking for toothpaste.
Come on, you guys.
Where is your compassion?|She has nowhere to go.
I know that, honey.
We're not saying|we're gonna kick her out right away.
- We're not?|- No, but we have to figure out a solution, for her sake|as well as ours.
So when is she leaving? Shut it, Dixie.
Did you do it?|Did you ask Annie out? - Yeah, I did.
|- What were you thinking? She's my friend.
|She'd never go out with you.
Look, that's who I am, Naomi.
- A huge douche bag?|- Basically.
I don't do the whole boyfriend thing.
Which is why|you should get out now.
- What?|- Nothing.
Why don't you let me|take care of myself? Maybe I have a little thing for jerks.
- Hey, Erin.
|- Hey.
It's funny,|you looked familiar to me yesterday but I couldn't quite place you.
And then when I saw you with|your boyfriend, it all came together.
You're the whore from the video.
Oh, no, please,|don't take any offense to that.
I didn't mean it|in a derogatory way at all.
You know, some people think|that Mary Magdalene was a whore.
And she was|one of Jesus' best friends.
People can repent, Erin.
They can.
Well, thanks.
You know, I was so shocked when someone forwarded me|the video last month.
You'd think Catholic-school people|would be above that, but they're always forwarding me|things just trying to get my goat.
Of course, I turned it off when you|and your boyfriend began to fornicate.
Why did you really come|to Catholic school? Well, I made that video during a difficult period.
And afterwards,|I just wanted a fresh start.
- That's totally understandable.
|- Thank you.
And now I know|why God brought us together.
I am going to help you|save your soul.
First step: You have to tell everyone|about your checkered past.
Oh, yeah, actually that's something|I really would rather not.
I know you don't want to, but I guarantee|you will feel better if you come clean.
Pretending to be someone|that you're not, it's basically lying.
And God knows|because God is everywhere.
Okay, well, I'll think about it.
Lies separate us|from our relationship with God.
And, Erin, I care about you.
You know what? I'm gonna fast.
- What?|- I won't eat.
And I will pray|every minute of every day until you come out of hiding and admit who you are|and what you've done.
- Okay, that is a little bit extreme.
|- No, I know it is.
And the nuns,|they may say I'm overzealous, but I feel anything I can do|to help you get to heaven, oh, I have to do it.
It's your fault.
She knows and it's your fault.
Hold on, wait.
Slow down.
Who knows?|What are you talking about? Angela.
She knows about the movie.
She saw it online last month|but she didn't put it together except then, she saw you yesterday|and now she knows that it was me All right, Silver, relax.
Calm down.
All right, are you having|another manic episode? No.
God, I'm allowed|to have a bad day, okay? I'm allowed to be upset that|a video of me having sex went viral.
I'm sorry.
I know.
I just wanted a fresh start.
That's ruined because|Angela knows about the movie.
- And she's She's fasting.
|- Wait.
Hold up.
What? She says that she's not gonna eat|again until I come out of hiding.
And I tell everyone|about my "checkered past.
" Because that's gonna|bring me inner peace.
- Really?|- Yes, it's ridiculous.
- Not that ridiculous.
|- What? Well, the fasting stuff is, obviously.
But the stuff about|how you have to stop hiding, that's what you've been doing.
You're working so hard|to keep this whole thing a secret.
Oh, I'm sorry.
|What do you want me to do? Do you want me to send out|some mass e-mail telling everyone: "Hey, I made a sex video|because I'm bipolar"? I'm not telling you|to send out an e-mail.
But you're gonna have to do something|to stop this girl from fasting.
- Right?|- No.
You're gonna let her keep going? I'm not in charge of her.
There's no end to what you'll do|to avoid dealing with this.
But you know what? I'm not surprised.
|You already transferred schools.
- You're afraid to leave the house.
|- You don't know what it's like.
I don't? I have news for you.
I was in that movie too,|only instead of hiding, I dealt with all the whispering|and all the looks.
Which wasn't easy by the way,|but I did it.
You're gonna have to figure out|how to do that too if you're ever gonna move on.
I'm not surprised, Navid.
I mean,|you're asking a lot from your parents.
I'll just|I'll figure something else out.
What are you doing? - I chose you.
|- What? Navid, they're your family.
They're not gonna stop me|from doing this, Ade.
You're all that I want.
|This is not how it's supposed to go.
What's supposed to go? Well, a proposal.
|It was such a non-proposal, you know.
So I was gonna get|my great grandmother's ring after we told my parents.
But plans changed,|so this is from a pawn shop.
I've loved you since|I saw you in the second grade.
You had this ponytail.
And all I ever wanted to do|was pull it.
And when you got to the fifth grade|and you got your braces, oh, wow,|let me just say my heart stopped.
But that's nothing|compared to our first kiss which is bigger than the ponytail|and the braces combined.
I believe in us, Ade.
I can't imagine loving anyone else|as much as I love you.
Or feeling as close as I feel with you.
I wanna spend|the rest of my life with you, Ade.
And the rest of Habib's life.
Well, Adrianna Tate-Duncan, will you please marry me? I want to.
I love you so much.
But could you? I have to tell you something first.
And I know that|this might change everything.
And you might not wanna marry me, but I have to tell you.
Because you're giving up so much and you deserve the truth.
What are you talking about? The father of the baby isn't a guy from rehab.
It's Ty.
- I can't believe you.
|- Okay, I was so scared.
I thought that if I told you,|you would just leave.
No, you lied to me the whole time.
You lied to me about it.
I've been walking around West Beverly|talking to that guy.
Every time I pick you up|from practice, I'm like, "Hey, Ty, what's up?" Like a fool.
Who else knows? Just Miss Taylor and Naomi.
Naomi knew? I've given up everything for you.
- Everything, my family.
|- I know.
- No, the fact that you can lie to me|- I know, I am so sorry, okay? I don't know what to say|except that I messed up.
Which I used to do a lot of.
And now I do a lot less|because you make me a better person.
Okay, but I still mess up sometimes.
And, yes, this was a big one, okay? And there really is no|and except I am so sorry.
I'm sorry.
I told you I'd spend|the rest of my life with you, Ade.
So don't ever lie to me again.
And put this on your finger.
Don't you ever take it off again.
- Okay?|- Okay.
- Okay.
|- Okay.
- I love you so much.
|- I love you so much.
I don't know why Miss Jackson|was so upset.
I was very discreet when I gave her|the number for my waxer.
It's not like I said,|"You got a mustache.
Get it fixed.
" Yeah, I guess some people are just|ultra sensitive about that kind of thing.
Sometimes school is just too much.
- Oh, Liam doesn't like you by the way.
|- What? Oh, he's gun-shy|about relationships.
He's freaking out because he's so|into me.
Classic self-sabotage stuff.
- He admitted that?|- Oh, he didn't have to.
It was obvious.
Psychology 101.
All right, well, honestly, Naomi,|I think he might just be a creep.
I know that's what he wants me|to think but I'm onto him.
Okay, just be careful.
He's the one who should be careful.
He doesn't think|he's boyfriend material but he's gonna be my boyfriend|sooner or later.
- Jen!|- Darling.
Who's this? This is my sister.
This is Jen.
Well, don't stand there,|grab some glasses.
- Okay.
|- Come on.
Let's have a toast.
I'm back.
The whole thing was so last-minute.
Naomi left me|this frantic message about our father.
So I immediately hopped|on a friend's private jet and voilĂ .
Here I am to rescue her|from bourgeois hell.
I know we all wish I could stay here|forever but it's just not practical.
We totally understand.
Yeah, actually,|we don't smoke in here.
Oh, me neither.
Cigarettes are for losers.
I quit.
Thank you|for helping Naomi cope with this dionysian debacle that is our father.
|I'll take it from here.
Come, I have a Town Car outside and|a bungalow at the Chateau Marmont that will do until we can find more|permanent accommodations.
- Can you help with my?|- Getting your stuff.
Well, I'm gonna miss you|around here, you know? Yeah, I do.
Oh, hey, one thing.
If you guys ever do a remodel|around here, you might wanna think about|fixing the air ducts.
Sound really travels.
Trust me,|someday Dixon will be grateful that I cut up|those awful jeans of his.
God, you heard.
Is that why you called your sister? Well,|I can't live with you guys forever.
Plus, I needed help|with my debacle of a dad.
I was starting to get mercury poisoning|from your mom's salmon fetish.
Oh, wow, Santa Monica High School|has a teen parenting program.
I could apply to go to school there.
|They have a daycare on site.
This is perfect.
I was thinking about getting a job|at the Peach Pit.
- Perfect.
|- Okay.
Anything you don't want, throw out.
I guess we're gonna have to clean out|that guest room for the kid.
And you better be getting a job.
|You are not living here rent-free.
- For sure.
|- I wouldn't dream of it.
Who knew she'd be the parent|that came through for us, huh? Oh, I'm I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that.
No, it's okay.
I mean, it's true, right? Damn, who knew bassinets|were so complicated.
Navid,|are you sure that you're okay? I'm positive.
Hey, all I need is you.
And maybe a handyman|to help build this thing.
Angela,|would you like to solve for X? No pulse.
Angela is dead.
She died for your sins, Erin.
She died for your sins.
She died for your sins.
She died for your sins.
Bipolar? Which means? Apparently,|that you're a sex maniac.
Why'd she send this e-mail? Still crazy, I guess.
Speak of the devil.
There's the slut.
Isn't that Silver? That's the girl on the Internet, right? Erin, hi.
Oh, I'm so proud of you.
|You did it.
You came clean.
And quickly too.
I mean, it took me five days of fasting|before Deb Murphy admitted to cheating in Earth Science.
My stomach was growling|like a grizzly bear.
Anyway, I am just thrilled to the gills.
You must feel like|a huge weight has been lifted.
Actually, what I feel is humiliated|and ashamed and sad.
You wanted me to get into heaven?|Well, thanks to your extortion, I feel like I'm in hell.
- So does West Bev look different?|- Sadly, no.
Not at all.
Matthews, wait.
This is my sister, Jen This is the awesome English teacher|I always rave about.
Nice try.
But you're not|getting an extension on that paper.
- Hi, Jen.
|- So you're the reason my little sister ends so many sentences|with dangling prepositions? About what are you talking? Grammar jokes.
Right, well, I gotta get to class.
|Are you coming, Naomi? If you insist.
- See you around.
|- It was nice to meet you.
So I'll pick you up at 3.
My friend's|docking his yacht in the marina - so we'll grab an after-school drink.
|- Sounds perfect.
- Ciao.
|- Ciao.
Jen, you're back.
I sure am.
How long are you staying? We'll see.
Don't worry.
I'll never tell Naomi|that I was your first.