A.N.T. Farm (2011) s01e14 Episode Script
MutANT Farm
Oh, my gosh! Dad, look at this place! Lockers instead of coffins, classrooms instead of cages.
Him instead of What was I talking about? Dad, does she have to go to my high school? Seriously, she's creepy.
It's not Chyna's fault she's a monster.
It's your mom's fault.
When I met her, I thought she was wearing a costume.
I didn't know she was a monster till after we were married.
Which actually happens to a lot of guys.
Well, I don't want Chyna anywhere near me with her disgusting Chyna, how many times have I told you not to turn your brother to stone? Hi, I'm Gibson.
Hi.
Welcome to the Mutant Farm! I love doing that.
Ooh, ooh Doo, doo Ooh, ooh Doo, doo Whoo! Everybody's got that thing Something different we all bring Don't you let 'em clip your wings You got it You got it We're on fire and we blaze In extraordinary ways 365 days We got it We got it You can dream it You can be it If you can feel it You can believe it 'Cause I am, you are, we are Exceptional Exceptional Yeah, I am, you are, we are Exceptional Exceptional Ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh Whoo! So, all these kids are monsters? Yes.
Like you, each student in the Mutant Program is a freak.
Alex is a skeleton.
He should stop exercising.
He's down to 0% body fat.
Angus is a zombie.
Do I have guidance counselor stuck in my teeth? And then there's Svetlana.
Where is Svetlana? That's it.
You're grounded.
Give me your broom.
Ugh! How is that punishing him? Uh, I don't mean to alarm anyone, but that kid has a dead body.
Oh, that's Fletcher.
He collects dead bodies.
Is this your coffin? It's beautiful.
You're beautiful.
I mean, your coffin is beautiful.
I don't have a coffin.
I sleep in a snake pit.
I know, but, you see, I Hi.
I'm Olive Doyle, mad scientist.
You know, I could get you one of these hats.
Why would I want to hide my brain? Brains! Do they come in pink? You can go right over there, bud.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm working on an evil formula.
What's in it? Methyl glucose ether, sodium hydroxide, tartaric acid, sulfate copolymer, polyquaternium That stuff's in everything.
Now, this will turn that skunk into a hunk.
A hunk of what? That's Gibson.
Oh, thank goodness I'm not a skunk anymore.
Ugh! Ugh! Man, what's that smell? Oh, I just farted.
Halloween dance? I don't understand why we have to celebrate this stupid holiday.
I mean, it's Halloween every day around here.
Speaking of which, how much time do we have before Run! Brains! Brains! This arm looks a little dry.
Does anyone have any ranch dressing? Or moisturizer? What's with the evil laugh? Evil laugh? That's my regular laugh.
This is my evil laugh.
Tee-hee-hee! Oh, look, they're serving Sloppy Joe.
Hey, Joe.
Help! I'll be there as fast as I can! Angus ate the entire basketball team! Well, I couldn't eat the track team.
They're too hard to catch.
You have to do something about this.
Angus ate my prom date.
And my boyfriend.
And the guy I like.
Oh, come on.
There's no reason we can't be friends.
You'd like us if you got to know us.
Maybe this revolting creature is on to something.
We'll have a buddy system.
Every mutant will be paired with a non-mutant.
You guys can work together to prepare for the Halloween dance.
What? What? That is a great idea! We can choose our buddies by drawing names out of my hat.
No! No! I'll just pair you up right now.
Chyna, you're with Lexi.
Olive, you're with Paisley.
Fletcher, you're with Cameron.
And you Well, you're good.
Look at these offensive decorations.
I mean, spider webs? Just because we're monsters doesn't mean we don't keep a tidy home.
Look at the size of this orange! It's hard to peel.
You know, I could hook you up to a machine that could make you smarter.
Okay.
It might melt your insides.
Okay.
I'll make you smarter by switching your brain with one from a far more intelligent being.
Do you really think this will Okay, we're in charge of games for the dance.
I was thinking bobbing for eyeballs? Musical electric chairs? Truth or death? Don't look at me! I don't want to turn to stone! I'd instantly gain like 2,000 pounds.
Okay, well, how about hide and shriek? Okay, you win.
Let's play again.
So, let's talk refreshments.
What should we serve at the dance? How about garlic? That's just a myth.
Vampires aren't afraid of garlic.
In fact, we love it.
Sauteed over blood sausage? To die for.
Okay, in that case, why don't we serve stake? That doesn't work either.
If you want to damage my heart with a stake, make it a fatty porterhouse.
All right.
How about for drinks we serve holy water? Seriously, dude.
Hey, Angus! How are you and your buddy doing with ticket sales? Good.
Where is your buddy? He's not feeling well.
Angus, did you eat your buddy? Not all of him.
There's some left over in this tinfoil swan.
Wow.
The gym looks great! And see? Nobody got hurt.
That's true.
Good point.
I feel fine.
And we all did it together.
Lexi suggested instead of eyeballs, we bob for apples.
And I've got to say apples are just not as sweet.
You know, maybe we'll actually have fun at this party.
I can't wait to hit the dance floor.
I'm going to do the Frankenstein! Oh, no, don't do that.
It's culturally insensitive.
Not all monsters dance like that.
Besides, you're not going to the dance.
It's monsters only.
What? Why can't they come? Sorry.
It's Mutant Council policy.
"No humans are allowed to the Halloween dance, "unless already in Angus' stomach.
" Who wants to be my plus one? That's not fair.
We did all that work.
Yeah.
This really ruffles my feathers.
Hey, Dad.
I see you finally had your growth spurt.
It's a Halloween costume.
Halloween's stupid.
Like candy corn.
Doesn't look like corn! Doesn't taste like corn! You can't pop it in the microwave! I tried! Hey, where are you going dressed like that? Trick or treating.
Since Chyna and the other mutants won't let us go to the dance.
No way.
It's not safe for you to be out on Halloween.
That's not fair.
You let Chyna go out.
You let her do anything she wants.
Because I'm scared of her.
She's got snakes for hair, man! Hey.
Sorry I'm late.
I had to stop at the bank.
Oh, look! I just got a text from Satan.
"See you soon.
" We're going bowling on Saturday.
What? Satan and I are supposed to go rollerblading on Saturday.
Aw! You cannot trust that guy! You know, I still feel bad for the regular kids.
They really wanted to be here.
Boo-hoo.
Poor beautiful, undeformed humans.
Just think about how they must feel, being scared in their own school.
If only we could walk a mile in their shoes.
What? That's crazy.
Walk a mile? No one can walk a mile.
Would you stop worrying about the normal kids? Come on.
Just relax and have some punch.
There's eye of newt in it.
Sorry, Newt.
How can I get through to them? The punch! This should give the punch a kick.
Ooh, trick or treaters.
Help yourself to some candy.
Cameron, it's us.
Lexi and Paisley.
Paisley? Did Olive switch you back? Yeah.
I didn't want to, but the duck insisted.
Ooh! Good, you're in costume.
A bunch of us humans are going to sneak into the dance dressed as mutants.
Hey! What's going on here? You're not going out, are you? No, these are friends from school, here to watch a horror movie and it's more fun when you dress up.
If we're going to watch a movie, can you cut me bigger eye holes? Well, a movie sounds fun! I'll join you! Let me get my costume! Great.
Now we're stuck here.
Not necessarily.
These sculptures are so realistic! They look just like us! Now let's go get our party on! Check out this policeman costume I bought with money I made at my policeman job.
All right, kids! Let's watch that movie! Vroom! Vroom! Okay, everyone act natural.
I mean, unnatural.
The bride of Frankenstein, huh? Hey, Frank, mind if I dance with your wife? Hey, baby.
What's your blood type? Oh.
I'm not positive.
Dang.
I'm so in the mood for O positive! Okay, everybody, gather round.
I would like to propose a toast.
To life! And death.
Wow.
Good stuff.
What's happening to me? I'm beautiful! I have a reflection! I used your lab to whip up a formula that makes monsters look human.
And we all just drank it.
This way you can see for yourself that it's not so easy to be human.
How come they didn't change? They're drinking the punch.
Uh, no we're not.
Cameron? You guys crashed our dance? I will now feast on your blood! Tee-hee-hee! You don't have fangs.
But you do have some baby teeth.
Look, there's no reason monsters and humans can't get along.
Can't you see we're all the same underneath? Oh, a jack-o-lantern! Let's light it! Fire bad! Great.
The DJ left! This party's dead and so am I.
Well, at least I was before you turned me into a human.
Yeah.
Let's go, you guys.
Hey, wait! If you guys want music, I can perform something.
What are you going to do? Play some creepy organ? There are organs? I didn't see any at the snack table! Hey! Don't take that.
Not the spleen! Not the spleen! Actually, Lexi, I was thinking I could sing a little.
Callin' all the monsters! Callin' all the monsters! Callin' all I'm callin' all I'm callin' all the monsters! Oh, yeah! Oh! Oh, yeah! Oh! Oh, yeah! Oh! Yeah! Yeah! Heart thumps And you jump Comin' down with goosebumps You dared to go there I'm-a, I'm-a get you so scared We're wantin' to We're hauntin' you We're wantin' to You stayed and too late to be getting afraid This scene extreme I'm-a get you so scared We're wantin' to We're hauntin' you We're wantin' to Gonna get your body shakin' Wishin' you could just awaken Here we go Huh, I guess the formula wasn't permanent.
Chyna must have left out the most evil ingredient of all.
High-fructose corn syrup.
Tonight all the monsters gonna dance! We're comin' to get you! Tonight all the monsters gonna dance! We're comin' to get you If you're only dreaming, Why I hear you screaming? Tonight all the monsters gonna dance! We're comin' to get you We're comin' to get you Hey! Okay, you may not like my song but you don't have to hiss.
Oh, okay, it was just you guys.
Oh, no.
It's the cops! We'll never outrun that motorcycle! Have there been complaints about too much noise? No.
But there have been complaints about too much candy.
I'm going to have to confiscate this.
Tonight all the monsters gonna dance! We're comin' to get you Tonight all the monsters gonna dance! No, don't.
Do not go in the basement! He went in the basement.
See? Nothing good ever happens in the basement.
Wow.
You guys are not easily scared.
Wow, Cameron.
She was an airhead, you weren't kidding.
Him instead of What was I talking about? Dad, does she have to go to my high school? Seriously, she's creepy.
It's not Chyna's fault she's a monster.
It's your mom's fault.
When I met her, I thought she was wearing a costume.
I didn't know she was a monster till after we were married.
Which actually happens to a lot of guys.
Well, I don't want Chyna anywhere near me with her disgusting Chyna, how many times have I told you not to turn your brother to stone? Hi, I'm Gibson.
Hi.
Welcome to the Mutant Farm! I love doing that.
Ooh, ooh Doo, doo Ooh, ooh Doo, doo Whoo! Everybody's got that thing Something different we all bring Don't you let 'em clip your wings You got it You got it We're on fire and we blaze In extraordinary ways 365 days We got it We got it You can dream it You can be it If you can feel it You can believe it 'Cause I am, you are, we are Exceptional Exceptional Yeah, I am, you are, we are Exceptional Exceptional Ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh Whoo! So, all these kids are monsters? Yes.
Like you, each student in the Mutant Program is a freak.
Alex is a skeleton.
He should stop exercising.
He's down to 0% body fat.
Angus is a zombie.
Do I have guidance counselor stuck in my teeth? And then there's Svetlana.
Where is Svetlana? That's it.
You're grounded.
Give me your broom.
Ugh! How is that punishing him? Uh, I don't mean to alarm anyone, but that kid has a dead body.
Oh, that's Fletcher.
He collects dead bodies.
Is this your coffin? It's beautiful.
You're beautiful.
I mean, your coffin is beautiful.
I don't have a coffin.
I sleep in a snake pit.
I know, but, you see, I Hi.
I'm Olive Doyle, mad scientist.
You know, I could get you one of these hats.
Why would I want to hide my brain? Brains! Do they come in pink? You can go right over there, bud.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm working on an evil formula.
What's in it? Methyl glucose ether, sodium hydroxide, tartaric acid, sulfate copolymer, polyquaternium That stuff's in everything.
Now, this will turn that skunk into a hunk.
A hunk of what? That's Gibson.
Oh, thank goodness I'm not a skunk anymore.
Ugh! Ugh! Man, what's that smell? Oh, I just farted.
Halloween dance? I don't understand why we have to celebrate this stupid holiday.
I mean, it's Halloween every day around here.
Speaking of which, how much time do we have before Run! Brains! Brains! This arm looks a little dry.
Does anyone have any ranch dressing? Or moisturizer? What's with the evil laugh? Evil laugh? That's my regular laugh.
This is my evil laugh.
Tee-hee-hee! Oh, look, they're serving Sloppy Joe.
Hey, Joe.
Help! I'll be there as fast as I can! Angus ate the entire basketball team! Well, I couldn't eat the track team.
They're too hard to catch.
You have to do something about this.
Angus ate my prom date.
And my boyfriend.
And the guy I like.
Oh, come on.
There's no reason we can't be friends.
You'd like us if you got to know us.
Maybe this revolting creature is on to something.
We'll have a buddy system.
Every mutant will be paired with a non-mutant.
You guys can work together to prepare for the Halloween dance.
What? What? That is a great idea! We can choose our buddies by drawing names out of my hat.
No! No! I'll just pair you up right now.
Chyna, you're with Lexi.
Olive, you're with Paisley.
Fletcher, you're with Cameron.
And you Well, you're good.
Look at these offensive decorations.
I mean, spider webs? Just because we're monsters doesn't mean we don't keep a tidy home.
Look at the size of this orange! It's hard to peel.
You know, I could hook you up to a machine that could make you smarter.
Okay.
It might melt your insides.
Okay.
I'll make you smarter by switching your brain with one from a far more intelligent being.
Do you really think this will Okay, we're in charge of games for the dance.
I was thinking bobbing for eyeballs? Musical electric chairs? Truth or death? Don't look at me! I don't want to turn to stone! I'd instantly gain like 2,000 pounds.
Okay, well, how about hide and shriek? Okay, you win.
Let's play again.
So, let's talk refreshments.
What should we serve at the dance? How about garlic? That's just a myth.
Vampires aren't afraid of garlic.
In fact, we love it.
Sauteed over blood sausage? To die for.
Okay, in that case, why don't we serve stake? That doesn't work either.
If you want to damage my heart with a stake, make it a fatty porterhouse.
All right.
How about for drinks we serve holy water? Seriously, dude.
Hey, Angus! How are you and your buddy doing with ticket sales? Good.
Where is your buddy? He's not feeling well.
Angus, did you eat your buddy? Not all of him.
There's some left over in this tinfoil swan.
Wow.
The gym looks great! And see? Nobody got hurt.
That's true.
Good point.
I feel fine.
And we all did it together.
Lexi suggested instead of eyeballs, we bob for apples.
And I've got to say apples are just not as sweet.
You know, maybe we'll actually have fun at this party.
I can't wait to hit the dance floor.
I'm going to do the Frankenstein! Oh, no, don't do that.
It's culturally insensitive.
Not all monsters dance like that.
Besides, you're not going to the dance.
It's monsters only.
What? Why can't they come? Sorry.
It's Mutant Council policy.
"No humans are allowed to the Halloween dance, "unless already in Angus' stomach.
" Who wants to be my plus one? That's not fair.
We did all that work.
Yeah.
This really ruffles my feathers.
Hey, Dad.
I see you finally had your growth spurt.
It's a Halloween costume.
Halloween's stupid.
Like candy corn.
Doesn't look like corn! Doesn't taste like corn! You can't pop it in the microwave! I tried! Hey, where are you going dressed like that? Trick or treating.
Since Chyna and the other mutants won't let us go to the dance.
No way.
It's not safe for you to be out on Halloween.
That's not fair.
You let Chyna go out.
You let her do anything she wants.
Because I'm scared of her.
She's got snakes for hair, man! Hey.
Sorry I'm late.
I had to stop at the bank.
Oh, look! I just got a text from Satan.
"See you soon.
" We're going bowling on Saturday.
What? Satan and I are supposed to go rollerblading on Saturday.
Aw! You cannot trust that guy! You know, I still feel bad for the regular kids.
They really wanted to be here.
Boo-hoo.
Poor beautiful, undeformed humans.
Just think about how they must feel, being scared in their own school.
If only we could walk a mile in their shoes.
What? That's crazy.
Walk a mile? No one can walk a mile.
Would you stop worrying about the normal kids? Come on.
Just relax and have some punch.
There's eye of newt in it.
Sorry, Newt.
How can I get through to them? The punch! This should give the punch a kick.
Ooh, trick or treaters.
Help yourself to some candy.
Cameron, it's us.
Lexi and Paisley.
Paisley? Did Olive switch you back? Yeah.
I didn't want to, but the duck insisted.
Ooh! Good, you're in costume.
A bunch of us humans are going to sneak into the dance dressed as mutants.
Hey! What's going on here? You're not going out, are you? No, these are friends from school, here to watch a horror movie and it's more fun when you dress up.
If we're going to watch a movie, can you cut me bigger eye holes? Well, a movie sounds fun! I'll join you! Let me get my costume! Great.
Now we're stuck here.
Not necessarily.
These sculptures are so realistic! They look just like us! Now let's go get our party on! Check out this policeman costume I bought with money I made at my policeman job.
All right, kids! Let's watch that movie! Vroom! Vroom! Okay, everyone act natural.
I mean, unnatural.
The bride of Frankenstein, huh? Hey, Frank, mind if I dance with your wife? Hey, baby.
What's your blood type? Oh.
I'm not positive.
Dang.
I'm so in the mood for O positive! Okay, everybody, gather round.
I would like to propose a toast.
To life! And death.
Wow.
Good stuff.
What's happening to me? I'm beautiful! I have a reflection! I used your lab to whip up a formula that makes monsters look human.
And we all just drank it.
This way you can see for yourself that it's not so easy to be human.
How come they didn't change? They're drinking the punch.
Uh, no we're not.
Cameron? You guys crashed our dance? I will now feast on your blood! Tee-hee-hee! You don't have fangs.
But you do have some baby teeth.
Look, there's no reason monsters and humans can't get along.
Can't you see we're all the same underneath? Oh, a jack-o-lantern! Let's light it! Fire bad! Great.
The DJ left! This party's dead and so am I.
Well, at least I was before you turned me into a human.
Yeah.
Let's go, you guys.
Hey, wait! If you guys want music, I can perform something.
What are you going to do? Play some creepy organ? There are organs? I didn't see any at the snack table! Hey! Don't take that.
Not the spleen! Not the spleen! Actually, Lexi, I was thinking I could sing a little.
Callin' all the monsters! Callin' all the monsters! Callin' all I'm callin' all I'm callin' all the monsters! Oh, yeah! Oh! Oh, yeah! Oh! Oh, yeah! Oh! Yeah! Yeah! Heart thumps And you jump Comin' down with goosebumps You dared to go there I'm-a, I'm-a get you so scared We're wantin' to We're hauntin' you We're wantin' to You stayed and too late to be getting afraid This scene extreme I'm-a get you so scared We're wantin' to We're hauntin' you We're wantin' to Gonna get your body shakin' Wishin' you could just awaken Here we go Huh, I guess the formula wasn't permanent.
Chyna must have left out the most evil ingredient of all.
High-fructose corn syrup.
Tonight all the monsters gonna dance! We're comin' to get you! Tonight all the monsters gonna dance! We're comin' to get you If you're only dreaming, Why I hear you screaming? Tonight all the monsters gonna dance! We're comin' to get you We're comin' to get you Hey! Okay, you may not like my song but you don't have to hiss.
Oh, okay, it was just you guys.
Oh, no.
It's the cops! We'll never outrun that motorcycle! Have there been complaints about too much noise? No.
But there have been complaints about too much candy.
I'm going to have to confiscate this.
Tonight all the monsters gonna dance! We're comin' to get you Tonight all the monsters gonna dance! No, don't.
Do not go in the basement! He went in the basement.
See? Nothing good ever happens in the basement.
Wow.
You guys are not easily scared.
Wow, Cameron.
She was an airhead, you weren't kidding.