Aaahh!!! Real Monsters (1994) s01e10 Episode Script

( clock chiming, thunderclap )
( creaking )
( owl hooting )
( shrieking )
( crying )
( gasps )
( screaming )
LAZY SLIMEBALLS!
[Captioning sponsored
by NICKELODEON
and THE U.S. DEPARTMEN
OF EDUCATION]
( needle scratching record )
( chuckles )
Male voice:
THEY SAILED A SEA OF GLORP
AND WOE BE THE HAPLESS VESSEL
THAT CROSSED THEIR PATH
FOR THEY WERE PIRATE MONSTERS
OF THE FIRST DEGREE.
AND NO SHIP,
BE SHE SLOOP OR GALLEON
WAS SAFE FROM THEIR ATTACK.
( yells )
Child's voice:
DID THEY EVER FIND THE TREASURE?
THEY DID.
AND THEY BROUGHT IT UP ON DECK
SO THE WHOLE SCURVY
CREW COULD SEE WHAT BOOTY
THEIR CRIMES HAD WON THEM.
AND THEY OPENED THE CHEST
AND WHAT DO YOU THINK
WAS IN IT? EH?
Children:
TOENAILS!
Storyteller:
AYE! 'TWAS A GRINK'S RANSOM
IN TOENAILS.
YUP, HUMAN TOENAILS.
LOVELIER THAN EAR WAX.
MORE PRICELESS THAN CARPET LINT.
THE MOST PRECIOUS THINGS
KNOWN TO MONSTERDOM.
AND THEY HAD A CHESTFUL.
CAN YOU IMAGINE?
CAN YOU BELIEVE
OLD WODGET?
HE WAS TELLING THAT SAME
STORY WHEN I WAS A KID.
YEAH.
I REMEMBER WISHING
I HAD A CHEST FULL
OF TOENAIL CLIPPINGS.
Ickis:
AH
YOU COULD BUY
ANYTHING, COULDN'T YOU?
OH, GEE.
YOU'D NEVER HAVE TO DO ANYTHING
FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
OH, YOU COULD JUST
ENOUGH DAYDREAMING.
HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN
WE'VE GOT A SCARE?
YEAH, RIGHT, COME ON.
SO, YOU SEE, IN THE END, ALL
THAT FIGHTING WAS FOR NOTHING.
THEY WEREN'T TOENAILS AT ALL.
THEY WERE PLAIN OLD
WORTHLESS FINGERNAILS.
BUT, I MEAN, HOW
COULD THEY TELL?
EASY
THE FINGERS WERE STILL ATTACHED.
( gasp )
KIDDING.
( giggling )
( sniffing )
THIS KID'S GOING
TO HAVE QUITE A NIGHT.
OBVIOUSLY.
OBLINA?
WHAT'S THE ADDRESS AGAIN?
FOR GRAK'S SAKE
I HAVE ONLY
TOLD YOU 50 TIMES.
132 231st STREET.
GOT IT.
SEE YOU AT 9:00.
132 231 STREET.
132 321 STREET.
131 312 STREET.
AH-HA! THIS IS
GOING TO BE A CINCH.
ANY KID IN A PLACE
LIKE THIS IS ALREADY SCARED.
KRUMM?
( squeaking ):
OBLINA?
( groaning )
( man mumbling )
THAT SHOULD DO IT.
OH
( giggling wildly )
( snoring )
Man mumbling:
MUST HAVE
LEFT MY TROUSERS
ON THE SUBMARINE. OH
( yawning )
WELL, WELL, LOOK WHO'S HERE.
MR. TRUSTWORTHY.
"COUNT ON ME, NEVER
LET A FRIEND DOWN."
WE ALMOST GOT FED
TO A TRASH COMPACTOR.
YES, ESCAPED BY THE SKIN
OF OUR TEETH, AS IT HAPPENS.
NO THANKS TO YOU!
UM, GUYS, LOOK.
WOW.
SEE, I WENT TO THIS GUY'S HOUSE
AND IT WAS MORE TOENAILS
THAN ANYBODY'S EVER SEEN.
I, I
ICKIS, YOU ARE RICH!
I'M RICH!
I'M RICH.
( sobbing )
I'M RICH!
HE'S RICH!
ALL RIGHT, ICKIS.
Krumm:
WHAT A DUMP!
OH, BELIEVE ME,
IT SET ME BACK.
BUT I THINK IT'S WORTH IT FOR US
TO HAVE A NICE PLACE TO LIVE.
LOOK.
HERE IS MY HANDWOVEN
PERSIAN SILKWORM RUG.
WHY GET JUST THE SILK
WHEN YOU CAN HAVE THE WORMS
I ALWAYS SAY.
ICKIS, THERE IS NO WAY
KRUMM AND I CAN AFFORD
TO LIVE IN A PLACE LIKE THIS.
YOU DIDN'T THINK I'D FORGET YOU
ONCE I GOT RICH, DID YOU?
OH, ICKIS
I MEAN
THANK YOU, IT'S LOVELY.
I JUST, I DON'T KNOW.
I'M REALLY HUNGRY.
OH, YES,
THIS LOOKS LOVELY.
COULD YOU JUST SEE
IF THE CHEF COULD PREPARE
JUST A SMALL PLATE
OF BRAISED MOTHBALLS
WITH FLY BRAIN PASTE?
HMM?
IT'S SO NICE TO HAVE
FLY BRAIN IN SEASON
DON'T YOU THINK?
BLECH.
MUST BE AN ACQUIRED TASTE.
IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE
I CAN GET FOR YOU, ICKIS?
BY THE WAY, DID I MENTION
THAT YOU LOOK GREAT?
OH, OH, THANKS, KUFFLE.
THERE'S
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
I CAN THINK OF
AT THE MOMEN
THAT I WAN
AND DON'T HAVE.
AH, LIFE.
MMM
( class belch )
AND REMEMBER
IF YOU GET THE ASSIGNMEN
DONE BY TOMORROW MORNING
THERE'S AN EXTRA COUPLE OF
TOENAILS IN IT FOR YOU.
WACKA, WACKA.
IF THE GROMBLE ASKS
TELL HIM I'LL BE ALONG, HMM?
WELL, WELL, IT'S YOUNG ICKIS,
IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN.
OLD WODGET, HOW ARE YOU?
NOT LIKE I ONCE WAS.
YOU KNOW,
IF YOU NEED ANYTHING
I'VE COME INTO A LOT OF
SO I'VE HEARD, SO I'VE HEARD.
ICKIS AND HIS TOENAILS,
TALK OF THE DUMP.
AHEM, WELL, UM
I BETTER BE
I'D BE CAREFUL
IF I WERE YOU.
VAST WEALTH IS NO
ALWAYS WHAT IT SEEMS.
DID I EVER TELL YOU
OF THE PIRATE MONSTERS
WHO RODE THE SEA OF
OH, YEAH, YEAH
I THINK I HEARD
THAT ONE, UH-HUH, UH-HUH.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME.
( giggling )
I WON'T END UP LIKE THAT.
HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?
HI, ICKIS.
ICKIS
WE ARE MOVING
BACK TO OUR OLD ROOM.
WHAT? WHY?
WELL, WE ARE JUS
NOT COMFORTABLE HERE.
NOT COMFORTABLE?
WHAT DO YOU NEED?
I'LL BUY IT, ANYTHING.
NO, ICKIS, IT'S NOT
WELL, WE'RE JUST
HERE'S YOUR
PICKLED COWPIE, ICKIS.
MERCI BEAUCOUP,
WILLYMEGS.
HERE'S A LITTLE SOMETHING
JUST FOR YOU.
OH, THANKS.
HEY, CAN WE HAVE
ANOTHER PARTY TONIGHT?
( absently ):
OH, A PARTY?
THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
WHAT ABOUT SCHOOL TOMORROW?
SCHOOL? SCHOOL?
A MONSTER IN MY POSITION
HARDLY NEEDS TO WASTE TIME
WITH SOMETHING AS
IRRELEVANT AS SCHOOL.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I WAS JUST
I DROPPED MY LUCKY
RABBIT SPLEEN.
YOU'RE LOOKING FOR MY TOENAILS!
THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT.
THAT'S WHAT YOU ALL WANT!
YOU WAIT UNTIL MY BACK IS TURNED
AND THEN YOU'RE GOING
TO STEAL MY TOENAILS!
GET OUT! GET OUT, ALL OF YOU!
I DON'T NEED YOU!
( gasping )
I DON'T!
I DON'T NEED ANY OF 'EM.
THERE'S ONLY ONE
THING THAT I NEED.
( laughing )
A RABBIT SPLEEN?
WHO PUT THAT THERE?
( sighing )
YES.
THIS IS ALL I NEED.
( gasping )
( yammering )
I DON'T BELIEVE IT!
THERE WERE HUNDREDS.
I KNOW THERE WERE!
( knock at door )
COME IN.
ICKIS, I JUST CAME BACK
FOR MY
( crying )
ICKIS? WHAT'S WRONG?
IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU, OBLINA.
PLEASE, PLEASE,
TAKE WHATEVER YOU WANT.
YES. ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE OKAY?
( babbling )
NEVER BETTER, NEVER BETTER.
( giggling )
WELL, I'LL JUST SEE YOU AROUND.
( crying )
THAT CLOSE
WAS FULL OF TOENAILS.
I'LL JUST GO IN THERE,
IT'LL BE FINE.
I'LL BE RICH AGAIN.
I WILL BE RICHER.
( man snoring )
JUST ONE MORE.
WHAT? WHA, WHA
( glass breaking )
STOP! THIEF!
HELP, POLICE.
I'M BEING ROBBED.
( grunting )
HEY, YOU LITTLE
WHATEVER YOU ARE
I'LL TEAR YOU LIMB
OH!
( screeching )
WHAT? WHERE AM I?
OH.
WHERE'S THAT LITTLE
MUST HAVE BEEN A DREAM.
YES, A DREAM, A WARNING DREAM.
IF I KEEP ON LIKE THIS
I'LL END UP LIKE THA
GREEDY LITTLE MONSTER.
THIS PLACE IS A DUMP.
I'VE GOT WORK TO DO.
WHOOPEE!
( grunting )
NOW, NOW
NOW I'M ALL SET,
SET FOR LIFE.
YES, YES.
THIS'LL TEACH 'EM
TO MESS WITH ME.
NO!
( screaming )
( screaming
and gurgling )
HELP! HELP!
( gurgling ):
ICKIS! OH, ICKIS!
OH
ICKIS, WHAT IS IT?
( coughing )
I WENT FOR THE RES
OF MY TOENAILS
AND THEN THEY ALL
WENT INTO THE RIVER.
THEY'RE ALL
AT THE BOTTOM OF THE RIVER.
YOU COULD HAVE
DROWNED BECAUSE OF THEM!
SNAP OUT OF IT!
GONE, THEY'RE ALL GONE!
( sobbing )
Oblina:
OH, ICKIS.
HEY, GUY.
( sobbing,
then laughing )
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
ALL THOSE TOENAILS.
THEY'RE ALL SITTING
ON THE BOTTOM OF THE RIVER.
( laughing hysterically )
CAN YOU GUYS BELIEVE
HOW CRAZY I WAS?
OVER A BUNCH OF STUPID TOENAILS.
AND NOW LOOK WHERE THEY ARE.
( all laughing )
HEY, HOW ABOU
SOMETHING TO EAT?
OKAY.
Oblina and Krumm:
EAT.
ALL RIGHT.
( gobbling and chomping )
( clears throat )
AND, UH, NEXT, WITH THEIR HANDS
LIKE THIS
THEN THEY TOUCH FINGERTIPS
AND FORM A BLOB.
DID YOU SAY BLOB, SIR?
YES, BLOB.
THAT'S AFTER
THE FINGERTIP THING?
ICKIS, PLEASE.
YES, AFTER THE TIPS!
30 DAYS LATER THE BLOB SHAKES
THE BONSTY POPS OUT,
AND THAT'S IT.
MASTER ICKIS,
HOW INQUISITIVE YOU ARE TODAY.
IT IS SO ANNOYING!
JUST ONE THING, SIR:
HOW DO YOU KEEP
FROM LAUGHING?
( all laughing )
I DO NOT KNOW HIM.
I DO, HE'S ICKIS.
( giggling )
SO, YOU PU
YOUR ELBOW
ON YOUR KNEE LIKE THIS
YOUR THUMB ON YOUR NOSE
AND YOU WAVE YOUR HAND LIKE
HOW DARE YOU!
OH
WHAT JUST HAPPENED?
YOU ARE SO NAIVE.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN
SO EMBARRASSED.
EXCUSE ME
MISS KNOW-IT-ALL.
ALL I'M SAYING IS
WAIT, I'M CURIOUS.
HOW DO YOU KNOW
SO MUCH ABOUT BLOBS?
THERE ARE THINGS
I KNOW A LOT ABOUT.
BLOBS ARE ONE OF THEM!
DID SOMEONE
MENTION BLOBS?
I HAVE
A BLOBSITTING OPPORTUNITY
FOR AN AMBITIOUS YOUNG MONSTER.
I HAVE A LOT OF HOMEWORK,
AND I'M NOT SURE
I KNEW YOU'D
BACK OUT.
SO MUCH FOR KNOWING
ALL ABOUT BLOBS.
YES, I WOULD BE VERY INTERESTED
IN BLOBSITTING.
TAKE A GANDER
DOWN YONDER TO YOUR LEFT.
NO, THAT'S TOO FAR.
BELOW THE ONE
FOR THE ANTIQUE PLUNGER.
Oblina:
"YOUNG COUPLE DESIRES
A RESPONSIBLE MONSTER
TO BLOBSIT THEIR PRECIOUS
FOR SEVEN DAYS"--
NO, SIX, NO, FIVE--
"SOMEBODY QUICK, PLEASE."
APPEARANCES ARE
VERY IMPORTAN
SLOVENLY IS GOOD
BUT NEVER COME
OFF AS CARELESS.
REMEMBER, THEY ARE
ENTRUSTING YOU
WITH THEIR
PRECIOUS BLOB.
ICKIS, DEAR, I AM MUCH
MORE EXPERIENCED THAN
I WAS TRYING TO HELP LITTLE
MISS EDGY KNOW-EVERYTHING
BUT IF YOU DON'T WANT
( knock on door )
THAT'S THEM!
WELL, IF NO ONE'S
GOING TO GET IT
OH, PLEASE TELL ME
YOU'RE NOT OBLINA.
I'M NOT OBLINA.
HELLO, I'M OBLINA.
THANK GOODNESS.
THIS PLACE IS PERFECT.
YEAH, NOTHING
OF VALUE AT ALL.
I'M KLARP, THIS IS TWARP,
AND THIS IS OUR PRECIOUS BLARP.
OH, THAT IS THE UGLIES
BLOB I HAVE EVER SEEN.
THANK YOU.
HAVE YOU EVER
BLOBSAT BEFORE?
OH, OH, OH, YES, MANY TIMES.
MY NEIGHBORS AT HOME ALWAYS
BROUGHT THEIR BLOBS TO ME.
I KNOW EVERYTHING THERE IS
TO KNOW ABOUT BLOBS.
DO YOU HAVE ANY REFERENCES?
DO YOU KNOW THE FLUBUNGERS?
TOO BAD, THEY LOVED ME.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
GEE, TWARP, I THINK
WE'VE GOT OURSELVES
A BLOBSITTER.
OBLINA, WE'LL PICK LITTLE BLARP
UP IN EXACTLY 25 HOURS
AND 12 MINUTES.
BE CAREFUL,
HE'S OUR LITTLE PRECIOUS.
NEVER FEAR, HE IS IN GOOD HANDS.
Klarp:
FORGETTING SOMETHING?
THE CURL IS STILL ATTACHED!
LET ME SEE!LET ME SEE!
UH-UH
LATER, WHEN WE GE
LITTLE BLARP BACK
SAFE AND SOUND.
BYE, LITTLE BLARPIE
( babbling )
MY LITTLE POOCHIE
POOCHIE POO POO
KISSES.
HAVE A GOOD TIME.
DON'T WORRY
ABOUT ANYTHING.
OH, THANK YOU FOR TALKING ME
INTO THIS, ICKIS.
THESE ARE GOING TO BE
THE EASIEST TOENAILS
I HAVE EVER EARNED.
BE CAREFUL, OBLINA,
YOU HIT THE BLOB'S BASKET.
I DID NOT.
THEY WHY IS I
SHAKING LIKE THAT?
OH, IT'S,
IT'S SHAKING BECAUSE
OH, NO! OH, NO!
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A BONSTY!
OH
( kissing )
MA-MA.
ICKIS, BOIL ME
SOME SKANKUM. HURRY!
( babbling )
ICKY, PICKY, PUTRID.
OW.
HERE'S YOUR SKANKUM.
WHAT'S IT FOR?
FOR ENERGY.
I'LL NEED IT IF I HAVE TO
WATCH THIS TODDLER.
THAT BRAT BIT ME.
TRY THAT AGAIN,
AND I'LL
HE IS PROBABLY
JUST FANGING.
HE'S A LITTLE
BONSTY-POO.
HE'S MORE DANGEROUS
THAN A HUMAN.
STOP IT, I WILL NO
HAVE YOU TALKING DIRTY
IN FRONT OF THIS SWEET,
HELPLESS
OW! WHY, YOU LITTLE
WE SHOULD GET HIM SOMETHING
TO CHEW.
WUGH, WUGH, WUGH, WUGH.
TRY THIS NICE,
RUSTY SEWER PIPE, HMM?
HOW EXTRAORDINARY.
UM, STRANGE, I WONDER
WHY HE IS SO HUNGRY?
I THOUGHT YOU KNEW
EVERYTHING ABOUT BLOBS.
I DO, BUT I'LL GO
TO THE LIBRARY AND BRUSH UP
IN CASE THERE'S
ANYTHING I FORGOT.
I'LL GO, YOU STAY.
YOU'RE THE PROFESSIONAL
BLOBSITTER.
KID'S GOT POTENTIAL.
( babbling )
HMM, YOU SAY IT ATE THE STOOL?
IN ONE BITE.
AH, HERE IT IS.
YOU'RE DEALING WITH A WOODCHUCK.
A WOODCHUCK?
NO, SORRY, JUMPED THE GUN
ON THAT ONE.
IT'S OH, A CHAINSAW.
A CHAINSAW?
OH, NO, WRONG AGAIN.
UH, OOH
YOU'RE OOH, IN BIG TROUBLE.
TELL ME SOMETHING
I DON'T KNOW.
UH "RUN FOR COVER
FOR THE FIRST 24 HOURS.
THIS SPECIES EATS EVERYTHING
IN SIGHT."
EVERYTHING?
THEY PREFER
TO EAT OTHER MONSTERS, BUT
TERRIFIC, TERRIFIC!
THIS IS ALL OBLINA'S FAULT.
SOME BLOBSITTER!
( clanking, crashing )
SHH!
SHH!
SHH!
OH, ONE OF THESE DAYS I'M GOING
TO GET THIS RIGHT.
( Blarp chewing noisily )
OBLINA, KRUMM!
OH, NO!
WHERE ARE OBLINA
AND KRUMM?
( burps )
( wailing )
YOU LITTLE BRAT,
YOU ATE MY BEST FRIENDS.
YOU LOOKING
FOR US?
( shrieks )
( gasping )
WHERE WERE YOU?
TRYING
TO AVOID
THE HUNGRY ONE.
( babbling )
SO YOU SEE, WHEN HE SEES
THE THREE OF US
HE'S THINKING BREAKFAST, LUNCH,
AND DINNER.
I WANT TO BE DINNER.
CHAPS, I HAVE
A CONFESSION TO MAKE.
I KNOW, YOU NEVER
BLOBSAT BEFORE?
HOW DID YOU KNOW?
YOU DON'T KNOW SQUA
ABOUT BLOBS.
OKAY, THE TRUTH IS OUT.
NOW WE HAVE TO BAND TOGETHER.
WE'VE GOT FIFTEEN HOURS
UNTIL THIS BONSTY'S
PARENTS SHOW UP.
THAT'S NOON
TOMORROW.
IF WE EACH TAKE
A FIVE-HOUR SHIF
WE CAN DO IT.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
I SURE COULD USE SOME
OF THOSE TOENAILS.
ME, TOO.
UH, WAIT A MINUTE.
WHO SAID ANYTHING
ABOUT TOENAILS?
I'M OUT OF HERE.
WITH YOU, BUDDY.
OKAY, OKAY
WE'LL SPLIT IT EVENLY.
SUCKER.
WE WOULD
HAVE HELPED
YOU ANYWAY.
ALL FOR ONE,
AND ONE FOR ALL.
BUDDIES TILL THE END.
AMEN.
NOW, WHO WANTS
THE FIRST SHIFT?
Both:
NOT ME.
YOU'RE YELLOW.
I'M NOT YELLOW,
I'M MAGENTA.
YOU SHOULD
DO IT.
WHY DON'
YOU DO IT?
( chomping )
( babbling
and chomping )
( banging )
Ickis ( yelling ):
GO TO SLEEP!
NOT A PEEP!
DREAM OF SCARY LITTLE SHEEP!
( babbling )
( wailing )
GO TO SLEEP!
NOT A PEEP
( chomps )
HEY!
( snoring )
( chomping )
OH, MY
KRUMM KRUMM!
WHA?
ICKIS, WAKE UP.
KRUMM FELL ASLEEP.
HE WHAT?
OH, TIME IS ALMOST UP.
( knock on door )
THAT MUST BE THEM.
HELLO.
WHAT FASCINATING ACTIVITY
PREVENTED YOU
FROM ATTENDING MY CLASS?
YOUR GROMBLENESS
WE CAN EXPLAIN,
REALLY.
OH, I'M SURE YOU CAN.
IN FACT, YOU'D BETTER.
I'M AFRAID
IT'S ALL MY FAULT, SIR
( chomping )
OH, IT'S A LITTLE BONSTY.
HOW CUTE.
HE LOOKS SO YOUNG.
BUT YOU WOULDN'T BE SO FOOLISH
AS TO BRING A BONSTY IN HERE
IF HE WAS LESS THAN A DAY OLD.
IT WOULD BE A DISASTER.
ICKY, PICKY PUTRID.
All:
NO!
( Gromble yelling )
( grunting and yelling )
( clears throat )
BLARP
SPIT THAT OUT NOW!
OH, DEAR.
HELLO THERE,
HOW ARE YOU?
HE LOOKS LIKE THE DOG'S DINNER.
I LIKE DOG DINNER.
MA-MA, DA-DA.
OH, MY LITTLE PRECIOUS.
HE WAS NO TROUBLE,
I HOPE.
NO TROUBLE,
NO TROUBLE AT ALL.
THEN HE TURNED INTO A BONSTY!
YOU SAID YOU
BLOBSAT BEFORE.
YOU KNEW
ALL ABOUT BLOBS.
I AM A CHILD.
I EXAGGERATE!
ENOUGH CHITCHAT, KLARP.
EVERYONE SEEMS
TO BE ALL RIGH
AND WE'VE GOT TO GE
OUR PRECIOUS HOME.
THANK YOU.
HERE ARE
YOUR TOENAILS.
READY, KLARP?
READY, TWARP.
HERE WE GO, BLARP.
( sighs )
WHERE AM I?
IN OUR SIMPLE
BUT BEAUTIFULLY DECORATED ROOM.
YOU WERE SWALLOWED,
BUT THE DANGER'S OVER.
WE SAVED YOUR LIFE.
AH, YES, I REMEMBER.
HOWEVER SHALL I THANK YOU?
PRETTY SOON WE'RE ALL GOING
TO BE EXPERTS ON BLOBS
JUST LIKE YOU, OBLINA.
THANK YOU.
( baby monsters crying,
babbling )
[Captioning sponsored
by NICKELODEON
and THE U.S. DEPARTMEN
OF EDUCATION
[Captioned by
The Caption Center
WGBH Educational Foundation]