Adventure Time with Finn & Jake s03e02 Episode Script
Morituri Te Salutamus
[MOUSE SQUEAKS.]
[PENGUINS WENK.]
[ALL CHEERING.]
[SCREECHES.]
Adventure time Come on, grab your friends We'll go to very distant lands With Jake the dog and Finn the human The fun will never end It's Adventure Time Aah! [ROARS.]
Aah! Ooh! Jake, why didn't you stick to the plan? Pssh.
Hey, you want to bump baby lumps? Sick.
No.
Just try to follow the plans, okay? Yeah.
Bleeaghhh! Come on out, cuties.
It's safe now.
[ALL CHITTER.]
Now get out of here! Hee hee hee hee.
[SHOUTING IN DISTANCE.]
Hey.
You hear something? Up there! It's a fat, fat warrior beat.
It's all kshh! Kshh! Kshh! [ROBOTICALLY.]
It calls me forth.
Kshh! JAKE: Man, it's probably just puberty calling.
MAN: Fighters.
Fighters! Seek you glory from the Fight King? FINN: Mmmaybe.
Then step forth beyond the moonlight seal to ba-a-a-a-the in blood and glory forever! [CHUCKLES.]
Nah.
This is a trap.
K-pshh! We sniffed out that trap like champs -- tryin' to get us up in that cursed arena.
Then I bet the exits would all magically seal behind us.
We'd probably have to fight gladiator ghosts.
Yeah! That soundsso dumb.
[CHUCKLES.]
And flippin' awesome! [SINGSONG VOICE.]
We're back! Fools! All exits are sealed! Now you must fight my gl-l-adiator gho-o-sts! Yeah.
Okay! [BOTH SCREAMING.]
[LAUGHS.]
I'm-a beat you with your own thing! Give it up! Ha-ha! Ohh! Hyperion, I'm sorry.
Hyperion! My love.
GLADIATOR: I'll kill you for breaking your promise! Aah! Ugh! Yeah! [LAUGHS.]
Good! Take these branches of palm! Yeah! That prize kind of stinks.
Let's go, Finn.
My thighs hurt.
Aw, man.
Okay, it was fun.
I'm keepin' the branch.
Where do you think you're going?! You must earn thy freedom by defeating each of my ghosts.
When you are ready, speak the Fight King's name, and I shall raise you for battle.
BOTH: Whoa! Ooh! Hmm.
Okay.
I have a plan.
We'll do what the Fight King says and defeat his ghosts to earn our freedom.
You're gonna follow my plan, right? Mm-hmm.
But, hey, if you replace me with a dummy, I could stay down here and dig for lava! Then I'd forge a molten hula-hoop! That's an entirely different plan than my plan.
What's the hula-hoop for? Morale, dude! This tomb will be as fun As a tropical island [LAUGHS.]
Check it out, dude! [GRUNTS.]
Pat pat pat pat pat.
[SINGSONG VOICE.]
Badabada! It's a dirt dummy Jake -- just like in the plan! [CLICKS TONGUE.]
[STRE-E-E-E-TCH!.]
[BLONK!.]
[SIGHS.]
We're ready, I guess, Fight King.
Gladitoria continues for you, human.
And, uh, uhdog? Yep.
This is dog.
Arise, Priscus, Verus! Raaawrr! Yaahh! [SOBBING.]
Forgive me, Priscus.
Pity.
The dog falls.
[GROANS.]
Et tu, Verus? [GRUNTS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
The combat endeth.
Now come closer, champion.
Dig! Dig! Dig! Dig! Dig! Dig! Dig! [GONG! GONG!.]
Two gangs? Something crazy's goin' on up there.
It's me, Jake -- being here the whole time.
[GASPS.]
Come closer, my champion.
You have proven worthy of my favor.
[CHUCKLES.]
Word.
Uhthis is bad.
Accept your prize.
[MUNCHING.]
Mm! Hwa! Hwa! Hyah! Hyah! Finn? Ah! The dog li-i-ves.
Yeah, I lives.
Finn, come with me, man.
Raah! Whoa! Dude.
Sorry, man.
But you crossed my kill zone.
FIGHT KING: Fighters, rest now.
Hwa! Hwa! Hwa! Hwa! So How's your side of the plan going? Yaah! Plan? What plan? To escape.
I dig and stuff and you fight to win.
'Member? Yeah, I fight To hear bones breaking and meat tearing.
Ghosts don't got meat.
I fight to fight! [THINKING.]
Hmm.
[THINKING.]
Finn is acting weird.
Probably due to a decrease in morale.
Got to get him that lava hula-hoop! We're ready for our next fight, Fight King! Hwaah! Got to livin' up this unhallowed ground For Finn! On a tropical island underneath a molten lava moon Hangin' with the hula dancers, askin' questions, 'cause they got all the answers [GROWLS.]
Kick! Habet! [LAUGHS EVILLY.]
Amazonia! I'm sorry! This next takedown is for you, my King! [GROWLS.]
Unh! [LAUGHS.]
UhI need your forgiveness.
Puttin' on the lotion Sittin' by the ocean Rubbin' it on my body Non pugnant, flamma! [GRUNTING.]
Eludere! Huygh! Cum Missione, my friend.
Hoc habet! Hwaah! Achillea! I have defeated every gladiator.
No! For there is one more opponent! Who?! Your dear companion.
[LAUGHS EVILLY.]
Hyugh! Get me out of this ca-a-a-ve 'Cause it's nothin' but a gladiator gra-a-a-ve And if I stick to the pla-a-a-n I think I'll turn into a lava ma-a-a-n I think I'll turn into a lava man [GASPS.]
Why do you stop? Fight King, this Jake was a farce! Let me face the real Jake! [GASPS.]
Then this is round 2, my vassal.
Take his head for me! Yes, my King.
What about the plan?! This is the plan, Jake.
Raah! You're gonna kill me? That's right! Everything has been building to this -- the final battle! Brother against brother -- to the death! JAKE: No! Yes! Ye-e-e-e-s! [GRUNTING.]
Fight King! I can't do it.
I can't kill him, Fight King.
I can't kill my best friend.
Finn Not without a bigger sword! Yes! Finish him! [GASPS.]
No! Raah! [GASPS.]
Wink.
What?! Dude, did you -- was that all fake? Did you act all that out? Was that a part of your plan? Mm-hmm.
[BURPS.]
So you planned to get all cozy with the Fight King and almost kill me from the get-go? Pretty much.
Why didn't you say so? Because you always bungle my plans.
But if you had bungled this one I might have for real chopped your head off.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
That's some funky junk, brother.
[LAUGHS, SNIFFLES.]
Hey, Jake.
You notice how all these ghosts are walkin' in pairs.
Oh.
yeah! I bet they're like us -- best bros who got trapped in that arena.
But now they're free.
Come along with me And the butterflies and bees We can wander through the forest And do so as we please Come along with me To a cliff under a tree FINN: This party is so crazy!
[PENGUINS WENK.]
[ALL CHEERING.]
[SCREECHES.]
Adventure time Come on, grab your friends We'll go to very distant lands With Jake the dog and Finn the human The fun will never end It's Adventure Time Aah! [ROARS.]
Aah! Ooh! Jake, why didn't you stick to the plan? Pssh.
Hey, you want to bump baby lumps? Sick.
No.
Just try to follow the plans, okay? Yeah.
Bleeaghhh! Come on out, cuties.
It's safe now.
[ALL CHITTER.]
Now get out of here! Hee hee hee hee.
[SHOUTING IN DISTANCE.]
Hey.
You hear something? Up there! It's a fat, fat warrior beat.
It's all kshh! Kshh! Kshh! [ROBOTICALLY.]
It calls me forth.
Kshh! JAKE: Man, it's probably just puberty calling.
MAN: Fighters.
Fighters! Seek you glory from the Fight King? FINN: Mmmaybe.
Then step forth beyond the moonlight seal to ba-a-a-a-the in blood and glory forever! [CHUCKLES.]
Nah.
This is a trap.
K-pshh! We sniffed out that trap like champs -- tryin' to get us up in that cursed arena.
Then I bet the exits would all magically seal behind us.
We'd probably have to fight gladiator ghosts.
Yeah! That soundsso dumb.
[CHUCKLES.]
And flippin' awesome! [SINGSONG VOICE.]
We're back! Fools! All exits are sealed! Now you must fight my gl-l-adiator gho-o-sts! Yeah.
Okay! [BOTH SCREAMING.]
[LAUGHS.]
I'm-a beat you with your own thing! Give it up! Ha-ha! Ohh! Hyperion, I'm sorry.
Hyperion! My love.
GLADIATOR: I'll kill you for breaking your promise! Aah! Ugh! Yeah! [LAUGHS.]
Good! Take these branches of palm! Yeah! That prize kind of stinks.
Let's go, Finn.
My thighs hurt.
Aw, man.
Okay, it was fun.
I'm keepin' the branch.
Where do you think you're going?! You must earn thy freedom by defeating each of my ghosts.
When you are ready, speak the Fight King's name, and I shall raise you for battle.
BOTH: Whoa! Ooh! Hmm.
Okay.
I have a plan.
We'll do what the Fight King says and defeat his ghosts to earn our freedom.
You're gonna follow my plan, right? Mm-hmm.
But, hey, if you replace me with a dummy, I could stay down here and dig for lava! Then I'd forge a molten hula-hoop! That's an entirely different plan than my plan.
What's the hula-hoop for? Morale, dude! This tomb will be as fun As a tropical island [LAUGHS.]
Check it out, dude! [GRUNTS.]
Pat pat pat pat pat.
[SINGSONG VOICE.]
Badabada! It's a dirt dummy Jake -- just like in the plan! [CLICKS TONGUE.]
[STRE-E-E-E-TCH!.]
[BLONK!.]
[SIGHS.]
We're ready, I guess, Fight King.
Gladitoria continues for you, human.
And, uh, uhdog? Yep.
This is dog.
Arise, Priscus, Verus! Raaawrr! Yaahh! [SOBBING.]
Forgive me, Priscus.
Pity.
The dog falls.
[GROANS.]
Et tu, Verus? [GRUNTS.]
[CHUCKLES.]
The combat endeth.
Now come closer, champion.
Dig! Dig! Dig! Dig! Dig! Dig! Dig! [GONG! GONG!.]
Two gangs? Something crazy's goin' on up there.
It's me, Jake -- being here the whole time.
[GASPS.]
Come closer, my champion.
You have proven worthy of my favor.
[CHUCKLES.]
Word.
Uhthis is bad.
Accept your prize.
[MUNCHING.]
Mm! Hwa! Hwa! Hyah! Hyah! Finn? Ah! The dog li-i-ves.
Yeah, I lives.
Finn, come with me, man.
Raah! Whoa! Dude.
Sorry, man.
But you crossed my kill zone.
FIGHT KING: Fighters, rest now.
Hwa! Hwa! Hwa! Hwa! So How's your side of the plan going? Yaah! Plan? What plan? To escape.
I dig and stuff and you fight to win.
'Member? Yeah, I fight To hear bones breaking and meat tearing.
Ghosts don't got meat.
I fight to fight! [THINKING.]
Hmm.
[THINKING.]
Finn is acting weird.
Probably due to a decrease in morale.
Got to get him that lava hula-hoop! We're ready for our next fight, Fight King! Hwaah! Got to livin' up this unhallowed ground For Finn! On a tropical island underneath a molten lava moon Hangin' with the hula dancers, askin' questions, 'cause they got all the answers [GROWLS.]
Kick! Habet! [LAUGHS EVILLY.]
Amazonia! I'm sorry! This next takedown is for you, my King! [GROWLS.]
Unh! [LAUGHS.]
UhI need your forgiveness.
Puttin' on the lotion Sittin' by the ocean Rubbin' it on my body Non pugnant, flamma! [GRUNTING.]
Eludere! Huygh! Cum Missione, my friend.
Hoc habet! Hwaah! Achillea! I have defeated every gladiator.
No! For there is one more opponent! Who?! Your dear companion.
[LAUGHS EVILLY.]
Hyugh! Get me out of this ca-a-a-ve 'Cause it's nothin' but a gladiator gra-a-a-ve And if I stick to the pla-a-a-n I think I'll turn into a lava ma-a-a-n I think I'll turn into a lava man [GASPS.]
Why do you stop? Fight King, this Jake was a farce! Let me face the real Jake! [GASPS.]
Then this is round 2, my vassal.
Take his head for me! Yes, my King.
What about the plan?! This is the plan, Jake.
Raah! You're gonna kill me? That's right! Everything has been building to this -- the final battle! Brother against brother -- to the death! JAKE: No! Yes! Ye-e-e-e-s! [GRUNTING.]
Fight King! I can't do it.
I can't kill him, Fight King.
I can't kill my best friend.
Finn Not without a bigger sword! Yes! Finish him! [GASPS.]
No! Raah! [GASPS.]
Wink.
What?! Dude, did you -- was that all fake? Did you act all that out? Was that a part of your plan? Mm-hmm.
[BURPS.]
So you planned to get all cozy with the Fight King and almost kill me from the get-go? Pretty much.
Why didn't you say so? Because you always bungle my plans.
But if you had bungled this one I might have for real chopped your head off.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
That's some funky junk, brother.
[LAUGHS, SNIFFLES.]
Hey, Jake.
You notice how all these ghosts are walkin' in pairs.
Oh.
yeah! I bet they're like us -- best bros who got trapped in that arena.
But now they're free.
Come along with me And the butterflies and bees We can wander through the forest And do so as we please Come along with me To a cliff under a tree FINN: This party is so crazy!