Adventure Time with Finn & Jake s10e10 Episode Script
Jake the Starchild
1 [QUACKING.]
[WARBLE, ZAP!.]
[ROARS.]
"Adventure Time" Come on, grab your friends We'll go to very distant lands With Jake the Dog and Finn the Human The fun will never end It's "Adventure Time" FINN: Hey, Kim Kil Whan.
We solved the mystery of the haunted office.
It was Clockbear the whole time.
Yeah, uh, Jake's around here somewhere.
Man, it's crazy to think I was born here.
In this alley.
Popped right out of my dad's head for some reason.
Yaah! You scared me there, what with the appearing out of thin air and staring at me all creepy.
And now just you're reaching towards me.
[COUGHS.]
Let's go, son.
[LAUGHS EVILLY.]
Son? I ain't nobody's son but Joshua and Margaret! Though it is weird that you got exactly the same stretchy power as me.
[LAUGHS.]
It's not weird.
It's fate! We have to leave, like [GRUNTS.]
Right now! Wait! Can Finn come with us? We're kind of a package deal.
Oh, that's kind of a bad idea.
Our home world's atmosphere is, uh, poisonous to his kind.
Well, then, I'd better write him a note.
Destiny calls! Whoa! FINN: Jake? Who are you, anyway? My name is Warren Ampersand.
I'm your alien bio-dad! Heh-heh.
Why do you keep laughing? [LAUGHS.]
I'm nervous.
[WARBLE!.]
[LAUGHS.]
Ah.
[COUGHS.]
Welcome to your home planet Nerraw.
Great fantasy sci-fi vibe, man.
And that black hole really adds an extra dimension to the place.
Years ago, I left this beautiful planet and travelled to Ooo to implant my destiny-rich, stretchy DNA into a compatible host.
That explains a lot, actually.
But now I'm dying.
What? I used the last of my strength [COUGHS.]
to bring you home.
[GASPS.]
He's here! Huh? - Is that Jake? - It's really him! Did you see him? Look over there.
- Look.
[GASPS.]
- [GASPS.]
That's Jake! Warren, how does everyone know me? Because you're the most important person to have ever lived.
Behold! The Jakeseum! A museum? All about me?! [ALL GASP.]
It's Jake! - Jake! Jake! - It's Jake! Will you sign my prophecy book? Will you sign my pretzel? This is wild.
But it feels so right, you know? [GASPS.]
Hey! It's my 5th birthday party.
And my graduation.
And when I put a snail in my mouth.
And when a snail put me in its mouth.
And No.
I don't remember this one.
[LAUGHS.]
That an artist's interpretation of the great prophecy.
Tomorrow, you are prophesied to battle Ixcano, a monster with tentacles stretching across the galaxy to strangle everything.
You alone can banish him to the darkness.
I've researched your world and created the ideal child room.
See? Space stuff dinosaurs and cowboys.
Cool.
But you know it's a little late to try connecting with me, right? [GASPS.]
Is that clown cake for me? [CHOMP!.]
[CHUCKLES.]
I got you something else, too.
[GASPS.]
[GASPS.]
[TWINKLE!.]
What do you think of your old dad's present? I love it! Still never gonna call you dad, though.
Oh, I wouldn't dream of asking.
But I hope you don't mind if I still wear this.
[TWINKLE!.]
[ALL CHEERING.]
Good luck, Jake! Savior us! [LAUGHS.]
This is the Sacred Temple of Pannishment.
The temple door can only be unlocked by a stretchy dog.
With key ha-a-a-a-a Uh Beyond this door, there lies an ancient, awesome weapon called The Panzark.
I am so ready for this! This must be why I can stretch! Yeah, that totally tracks.
Hup! [LAUGHS.]
[LAUGHS.]
[GRUNTS.]
This is so complicated and rewarding.
You're doing great, son! Almost there.
[GRUNTING.]
[ALL CHANTING "JAKE".]
[GRUNTING.]
[SIGHS.]
[DOORS CREAK.]
[CROWD CHEERS.]
[LAUGHS WEAKLY.]
The Panzark! [GRUNTS.]
[CROWD CHEERING.]
Yay! [MOANS.]
Saving the galaxy's exhausting.
I'm dying for a soft pretzel with mustard.
[GROANS.]
"Pri-tzels!" Oh.
"Pri-vate.
" WARREN: Hello, there, you handsome, young devil.
Have we met? Oh wait, it's just me! I didn't recognize this smooth, young skin or these vigorous kneecaps.
[SNORING.]
Oof! It's another clown cake with a side of cocktail hot dogs.
Dude, weren't you, like, dying? Shush, son! Ixcano approacheth! [RUMBLING.]
[CREATURE GROWLING.]
[CROWD SCREAMING.]
Oh, dang.
I'll go grab the Panzark.
So how do I You just gotta stretch through the convolutions of the Panzark to activate its kill beam.
More stretching, huh? [GRUNTS.]
Here comes the hero.
Stretch, baby! Stretch! [GRUNTING.]
[CROWD CHEERING.]
You're doing it, son! Ugh.
This is too much.
[GRUNTS.]
[LASERS FIRE.]
[GROANING.]
Jake! CROWD: Jake! Jake! Ja What's going on? Where's that Ixcano jerk? I have a confession.
There is no Ixcano.
I made it all up.
So you're not really dying? No, I was dying.
I needed to siphon your precious, stretchy essence to keep me young and virile.
I use these belts as a conduit.
The more you stretch, the stronger I grow! I've done it hundreds of times to hundreds of sons.
But I never felt guilty before.
Maybe it's because you're so much cooler than my other kids.
Well, I am cool.
Or maybe it's this feeling your kind calls low-key affection? I I low-key affection you, son.
[SMOOCH!.]
I'm sorry, Dad.
I wasn't powerful enough to destroy Ixcano! - [SOBBING.]
- What? No.
It was just me stretching the whole time.
The Panzark.
The people.
You're just saying that to make me feel better.
I'll prove it.
I'm Finn! I like pizza and dangerous girls.
And here's Joshua! I'm no Warren Ampersand, but I guess I raised you.
[CHUCKLES.]
Do more! I'm Lady! Neigh.
Oh, I know.
You like parties! Here's a bunch of party bears! [LAUGHS.]
Make more party bears! And make the tree house! Put party bears on the tree house! Put party bears in the sky! [CHUCKLES WEAKLY.]
Okay.
Keep stretching, you old phoney.
It only makes me stronger! Belt switch! But how?! Old-fashioned grifting, ya rube! [SOBBING.]
My real dad taught me that trick.
But I was a proud pop! I'm the proud pop of a whole bunch of pups.
The belt totally applies to me, as well.
See? Five stretchy pups.
Whuh-oh.
You saved me after all! [WARBLE!.]
[GROANS.]
Out of juice.
I need those pups! Don't even think about it! Can't wait to meet my grandkids and drain drain their essence.
JAKE: Aw, nah! Leave my kids alone! If you destroy me, you'll be stuck on that rock forever! My pups are worth it! Not the singularity! I just wanted to live forever! I see now.
This fleshy form has taken me as far as it can.
I'm going 4-D, baby.
[TING!.]
JAKE: Bye, Warren Ampersand.
Thanks for reminding me what it means to be a good dad by being the worst dad ever.
Never even got a pretzel.
[WARBLE, ZAP!.]
[ROARS.]
"Adventure Time" Come on, grab your friends We'll go to very distant lands With Jake the Dog and Finn the Human The fun will never end It's "Adventure Time" FINN: Hey, Kim Kil Whan.
We solved the mystery of the haunted office.
It was Clockbear the whole time.
Yeah, uh, Jake's around here somewhere.
Man, it's crazy to think I was born here.
In this alley.
Popped right out of my dad's head for some reason.
Yaah! You scared me there, what with the appearing out of thin air and staring at me all creepy.
And now just you're reaching towards me.
[COUGHS.]
Let's go, son.
[LAUGHS EVILLY.]
Son? I ain't nobody's son but Joshua and Margaret! Though it is weird that you got exactly the same stretchy power as me.
[LAUGHS.]
It's not weird.
It's fate! We have to leave, like [GRUNTS.]
Right now! Wait! Can Finn come with us? We're kind of a package deal.
Oh, that's kind of a bad idea.
Our home world's atmosphere is, uh, poisonous to his kind.
Well, then, I'd better write him a note.
Destiny calls! Whoa! FINN: Jake? Who are you, anyway? My name is Warren Ampersand.
I'm your alien bio-dad! Heh-heh.
Why do you keep laughing? [LAUGHS.]
I'm nervous.
[WARBLE!.]
[LAUGHS.]
Ah.
[COUGHS.]
Welcome to your home planet Nerraw.
Great fantasy sci-fi vibe, man.
And that black hole really adds an extra dimension to the place.
Years ago, I left this beautiful planet and travelled to Ooo to implant my destiny-rich, stretchy DNA into a compatible host.
That explains a lot, actually.
But now I'm dying.
What? I used the last of my strength [COUGHS.]
to bring you home.
[GASPS.]
He's here! Huh? - Is that Jake? - It's really him! Did you see him? Look over there.
- Look.
[GASPS.]
- [GASPS.]
That's Jake! Warren, how does everyone know me? Because you're the most important person to have ever lived.
Behold! The Jakeseum! A museum? All about me?! [ALL GASP.]
It's Jake! - Jake! Jake! - It's Jake! Will you sign my prophecy book? Will you sign my pretzel? This is wild.
But it feels so right, you know? [GASPS.]
Hey! It's my 5th birthday party.
And my graduation.
And when I put a snail in my mouth.
And when a snail put me in its mouth.
And No.
I don't remember this one.
[LAUGHS.]
That an artist's interpretation of the great prophecy.
Tomorrow, you are prophesied to battle Ixcano, a monster with tentacles stretching across the galaxy to strangle everything.
You alone can banish him to the darkness.
I've researched your world and created the ideal child room.
See? Space stuff dinosaurs and cowboys.
Cool.
But you know it's a little late to try connecting with me, right? [GASPS.]
Is that clown cake for me? [CHOMP!.]
[CHUCKLES.]
I got you something else, too.
[GASPS.]
[GASPS.]
[TWINKLE!.]
What do you think of your old dad's present? I love it! Still never gonna call you dad, though.
Oh, I wouldn't dream of asking.
But I hope you don't mind if I still wear this.
[TWINKLE!.]
[ALL CHEERING.]
Good luck, Jake! Savior us! [LAUGHS.]
This is the Sacred Temple of Pannishment.
The temple door can only be unlocked by a stretchy dog.
With key ha-a-a-a-a Uh Beyond this door, there lies an ancient, awesome weapon called The Panzark.
I am so ready for this! This must be why I can stretch! Yeah, that totally tracks.
Hup! [LAUGHS.]
[LAUGHS.]
[GRUNTS.]
This is so complicated and rewarding.
You're doing great, son! Almost there.
[GRUNTING.]
[ALL CHANTING "JAKE".]
[GRUNTING.]
[SIGHS.]
[DOORS CREAK.]
[CROWD CHEERS.]
[LAUGHS WEAKLY.]
The Panzark! [GRUNTS.]
[CROWD CHEERING.]
Yay! [MOANS.]
Saving the galaxy's exhausting.
I'm dying for a soft pretzel with mustard.
[GROANS.]
"Pri-tzels!" Oh.
"Pri-vate.
" WARREN: Hello, there, you handsome, young devil.
Have we met? Oh wait, it's just me! I didn't recognize this smooth, young skin or these vigorous kneecaps.
[SNORING.]
Oof! It's another clown cake with a side of cocktail hot dogs.
Dude, weren't you, like, dying? Shush, son! Ixcano approacheth! [RUMBLING.]
[CREATURE GROWLING.]
[CROWD SCREAMING.]
Oh, dang.
I'll go grab the Panzark.
So how do I You just gotta stretch through the convolutions of the Panzark to activate its kill beam.
More stretching, huh? [GRUNTS.]
Here comes the hero.
Stretch, baby! Stretch! [GRUNTING.]
[CROWD CHEERING.]
You're doing it, son! Ugh.
This is too much.
[GRUNTS.]
[LASERS FIRE.]
[GROANING.]
Jake! CROWD: Jake! Jake! Ja What's going on? Where's that Ixcano jerk? I have a confession.
There is no Ixcano.
I made it all up.
So you're not really dying? No, I was dying.
I needed to siphon your precious, stretchy essence to keep me young and virile.
I use these belts as a conduit.
The more you stretch, the stronger I grow! I've done it hundreds of times to hundreds of sons.
But I never felt guilty before.
Maybe it's because you're so much cooler than my other kids.
Well, I am cool.
Or maybe it's this feeling your kind calls low-key affection? I I low-key affection you, son.
[SMOOCH!.]
I'm sorry, Dad.
I wasn't powerful enough to destroy Ixcano! - [SOBBING.]
- What? No.
It was just me stretching the whole time.
The Panzark.
The people.
You're just saying that to make me feel better.
I'll prove it.
I'm Finn! I like pizza and dangerous girls.
And here's Joshua! I'm no Warren Ampersand, but I guess I raised you.
[CHUCKLES.]
Do more! I'm Lady! Neigh.
Oh, I know.
You like parties! Here's a bunch of party bears! [LAUGHS.]
Make more party bears! And make the tree house! Put party bears on the tree house! Put party bears in the sky! [CHUCKLES WEAKLY.]
Okay.
Keep stretching, you old phoney.
It only makes me stronger! Belt switch! But how?! Old-fashioned grifting, ya rube! [SOBBING.]
My real dad taught me that trick.
But I was a proud pop! I'm the proud pop of a whole bunch of pups.
The belt totally applies to me, as well.
See? Five stretchy pups.
Whuh-oh.
You saved me after all! [WARBLE!.]
[GROANS.]
Out of juice.
I need those pups! Don't even think about it! Can't wait to meet my grandkids and drain drain their essence.
JAKE: Aw, nah! Leave my kids alone! If you destroy me, you'll be stuck on that rock forever! My pups are worth it! Not the singularity! I just wanted to live forever! I see now.
This fleshy form has taken me as far as it can.
I'm going 4-D, baby.
[TING!.]
JAKE: Bye, Warren Ampersand.
Thanks for reminding me what it means to be a good dad by being the worst dad ever.
Never even got a pretzel.