Anger Management s01e03 Episode Script

- Just gonna drop her on the couch.
- ( Yawns ) Okay.
I'll pick her up tomorrow.
You're not driving home until you have another cup of coffee.
Hey, don't worry about whispering.
She slept through everything.
Jet engines, turbulence, bipolar flight attendants.
I hate her so much, I hate you! No, I don't.
I love you.
I resent her youth.
Coffee may not be the answer.
How long has it been since you've slept? Eh, let's see I didn't get any sleep at your parents', both our flights were delayed, somebody phoned in a bomb threat to the taco bell express, they shut down the airport, so You need to lay down.
Come on.
Okay.
No, no, no, no.
We don't sleep on pool tables anymore.
We're parents now.
Nothing fun or weird.
- Your mother's a bitch.
- Whoa, whoa.
Whoa, where'd that come from? I thought you liked her.
Never did.
Your dad, on the other hand, he's a flirt.
Has he ever flirted with you? No, he only flirts with people he likes.
Okay.
Ahh.
Oh, my God.
Oh, this is heaven.
What are you doing in heaven? Part of the exchange program.
Gandhi's down there at a strip club with Mussolini.
- Just sleep.
- Mm.
Okay.
Hey, remember that time when I tried to trick you into getting me pregnant to save our marriage? What? No! Yeah.
Sam was eight and I stopped taking the pill and started sleeping naked.
You remember? I remember the naked thing.
But it's all right.
We have the greatest kid ever and you're a good dad.
Good night.
Wait, wait, wait.
Before you fall asleep The time we went to Vegas and you told me that you got robbed.
- Did that really happen? - No, I lost it all on Blackjack.
- You remember? - This is like a truth serum.
Is it hard for you to find another guy because I set the bar too high? - No.
- What do you know? You're half asleep.
Nolan? Nolan! What do you think about the fact that ed just called you a pussy? I didn't hear that.
- Ed? - Pussy.
Probably right.
Now, hold on.
Before everybody leaves, I want to invite you all to take part in something that I am very excited about.
Oh, I knew this day was coming.
It's either real estate or vitamins.
No, Ed.
A few nights ago, I had an experience that led me to believe that we could advance the frontiers of psychological study.
I'm talking about stripping away your defenses to a point where inhibitions come down and truths come out.
So, what? We're all going to get drunk? No.
I'm talking about sleep deprivation therapy.
Can I be drunk for that? No.
Because sometimes when people get drunk, they grab a gun and shoot their boyfriends in the testicles.
- You're talking about me, aren't you? - I thought that was abundantly clear.
Now, I've done a lot of research on this.
I think if we stay up long enough, we can get to a whole new level of honesty.
That's the way my old associate in Nam used to do it.
You ought to bring Pho Than Kwon in here.
That old boy kept me awake 70 hours straight at the Hanoi Hilton, getting intel out of me.
Seriously, you can get him.
He's got a noodle shop down at the music center.
He gives me 10% off because he tortured me.
A real sweetheart.
It's your mistake for staying at a Hilton.
I want you all here on Friday for a weekend workshop.
Some of us might have plans this weekend.
And what were you planning to do? Call my friends and ask them why they never invite me anywhere on the weekends.
I guess I could reschedule it for next weekend.
How are we going to stay up that long? The way Pho Than kept us awake, he'd take a car battery and some jumper cables and clamp them onto our nipples.
- I think we'll start with coffee.
- Pho Than used coffee, too.
He'd boil up a big pot and then make us bend over - we're just going to drink it.
- Oh, we drank it.
( Theme music playing ) anyway, so they make me empty my pockets with all my good-luck charms in front of everybody, including Jake Slater.
It's midterms, I had all my good luck stuff.
My silver dollar, my dream catcher, my monopoly dog hey, at least you didn't have a pouch full of your baby teeth.
Right? - Heh.
- Oh, yup.
You had the baby teeth.
Well, I had to.
I had an algebra test.
- I'm a freak.
- No, you're not.
I know tons of people who carry good-luck charms.
Here.
My dad made this penny for me when we went to Carlsbad Caverns.
It was the best day we ever had.
- Do you always carry this with you? - Yeah.
So I guess I'm a freak, too.
If Jake Slater doesn't like you because you carry a pouch full of baby teeth, then well, you understand why, right? - ( Knocking on door ) - It's open.
- Hey, Charlie.
Hey, Sam.
- Hi.
Hey, Kate.
I'm going to go pack.
Why doesn't she like me? Do you think she knows we're sleeping together? Nobody knows.
Maybe she's just intimidated by you.
That's cool.
So why am I here? Because I want to ask you to help me with my sleep deprivation project.
I need another psychologist there to supervise the group for a few hours while I rest so I can be fresh for the session.
Well, I would, but you're not still going through with that, are you? Kate, Kate.
This is breakthrough research and really positive for my patients.
Breakthrough research? Somebody wants to get into the "journal of applied psychology.
" But my primary concern is my patients.
Come on, Charlie.
You're desperate for recognition.
You can't play baseball anymore, so you're trying to get it in psychotherapy.
So? What's wrong with wanting to be known as the best in your profession? Because you're experimenting on human beings and sleep deprivation is not a recognized therapeutic tool.
God, you can be so stubborn.
I am not being stubborn.
I'm laying the foundation for a new methodology.
And, for the record, you're a therapeutic tool.
Drat.
Outwitted.
Hey, Charlie.
Hey, Kate.
Sam ready to go? She's upstairs grabbing her bag, and thanks again for taking her on my weekend.
Oh, well, it's probably a good idea she's not here for your crazy people stay-up-all-night party.
I mean, I'm not a professional, but it seems to me that unstable people need as much sleep as possible.
Right.
Get some rest.
You know, there's something I've been wanting to say to you for a long time.
- Yeah? - It's really stupid, but for the longest time I thought you and Charlie had the hots for each other.
- You're kidding.
- I know.
It's crazy.
I mean, you're gay, right? I mean, I'm not gay gay.
I mean, I like to live in the moment.
You're so cool.
We should hang out.
Patrick, you're early.
Didn't realize traffic was going to be so light, but since I'm the first person here for our "no sleepover," I'll just take the couch.
Patrick, if you want the couch, just say you got here early to take the couch.
Nobody is going to be petty enough to compete with you for the couch.
Damn it! I wanted the couch.
Oh, crap! The couch is gone.
I told you if I let you pick me up, you had to be on time.
I'm sorry.
I've never been to your house before.
Please.
I've seen you parked outside my house for hours.
Well, not in daytime.
Okay, guys.
As you can see, I've set up a few cameras around to document the workshop.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I did not agree to be filmed.
Okay, I will make sure that no footage of you ends up in my presentation.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I did not agree not to be filmed.
Okay.
We've all been up for about 12 hours, but most sleep deprivation symptoms don't kick in until after 36.
So we'll start the session tomorrow night.
Until then, the only rule is to stay awake.
Ed, wake up.
Ed? - Ed! - Oh, my God.
He's not breathing.
Ha ha! You hit your feet, you lose your seat.
I think I can trace a lot of my anger back to the moment I found out my mother died.
I was in the back of a cab with my brother.
He hung up the phone, he turned to me and he said, "mom's dead.
" There was nothing in his eyes.
It was like he didn't even care.
I said, "what's the matter with you? Our mother is dead!" You know what? That sucked.
Okay.
( Warbles ) Patrick, we're 24 hours in.
You've been in front of the camera for half that.
So far your mother has died in a cab, on a train, on a plane, in a boat.
The only place she hasn't died is in a box with a fox.
Stop rehearsing your breakthrough.
( Bang ) Ed, what was that? I was playing the video bowling game and the controller slipped out of my hand.
I think I'm losing my muscle control.
That's great! That's the third sign of sleep deprivation.
- What's the first one? - Unsubstantiated euphoria.
Yes! Kate should be here any minute to cover for me.
I'm cold.
Nolan, give me your blanket.
Sure.
Here you go.
Hey, Patrick? What do you think about me and Lacey? Yeah, not a big fan.
I mean, could you see us together? The only way that happens is if she's robbing a gas station and using you as a human shield.
But you do see us together? Cool.
( Doorbell rings ) - Thank God you're here.
- I'm leaving.
What? What do you mean you're leaving? I have to get some sleep before the session.
I have a client who's having a breakdown.
She's at the hospital.
Okay.
This may sound a little harsh, but can't they just strap her to a gurney, pump her full of drugs, and let her ride it out? You know, kicking it old-school? - I have to sign her in.
- So you'll be gone, - what, a couple of hours? - The family is committing her.
The paperwork takes forever.
That's why we never did it with my mom.
It was easier to just let her run around the house naked covered in jam.
Okay.
I really can't process that right now.
If you're not back in time, I'll have to do the session on 36 hours of no sleep.
I'm sorry, but your muscle coordination seems fine, your pupils are responsive, and you're showing no signs of unsubstantiated euphoria.
Look, let me just go and I will get back as fast as I can.
You will? You will? Yay! - Hey.
- Yeah? So it's been almost 36 hours.
- How you doing? - Not good.
I think I just texted a picture of my boobs to my dentist.
Oh.
Oh, what a coincidence.
He wants me to come in tomorrow for a cleaning.
So, anyway I was thinking, if you're not doing anything, I hear there's pizza in the kitchen.
Do you want to go? Or I could just bring you a piece.
I don't want you touching my food.
I'll get it myself.
Great.
It's a date.
We got a great table.
Only problem is it's so close to the kitchen.
- Give me a coke.
- Okay.
This will be fine.
- That was funny.
- Thanks.
When I'm tired, I'm really funny.
Fork.
Hey, guys.
I'm going to make some more coffee.
- What's so funny? - This fork was being hilarious.
All right.
Giddy and mildly delusional.
I think we're getting real close to a session.
Really? Already? I must have completely lost track of time.
This was great.
I hope we can do this again.
I'm going to go splash some pee on my face.
Face on my pee.
I will see you later.
And I meant water.
It's a crazy night, huh? - You holding up okay? - Oh, yeah.
You've got something right there.
- Did I get it? - Eh, no.
Here, let me.
- Lacey, you can't do that! - Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I meant to do this.
That's the same thing! Lacey.
Lacey.
You have to stop this.
You're exhausted.
What's going on right now is called transference.
I'm going to get a tattoo of you somewhere special, and if you grow a little beard, it will look perfect.
You're having these emotions because you feel like I'm the only man in your life who listens to you and cares about you right now.
Oh, my God.
You're right.
What am I doing? This is so embarrassing.
- ( Crying ) - It's okay.
It's all right.
Nobody will know.
You're tired.
- You don't know what you're doing.
- Yes, I do.
Okay.
You do a little bit.
You've clearly lost all your inhibitions.
It's time to get started.
- Great.
- With the session.
Okay, everyone.
Time for the session.
Let's do this.
Ed, please turn off the bowling game.
All right.
Fine.
Okay.
I think we're at a point now where we have the opportunity to get beneath the surface of some issues we're all messing with.
Please, Ed.
Tell me you're still bowling.
- Who would like to start? - I would.
Two years ago, I was in New York.
I was in the back of the cab and my brother got a phone call.
Does anybody have something real? I would like to talk about something real.
Okay, but remember, even though we're in therapy, there are some things that nobody wants to hear about.
Oh, you'll want to hear this.
I've had a lot of boyfriends break up with me because they say I'm too sexual.
Well, stuff happens.
Nolan, you've been quiet.
Actually, I really want to hear what Lacey has to say.
- Me, too.
- Sing it.
When I want someone, I just have to have them.
And I tell them nothing's off-limits.
You can't hurt me.
Is that unusual, Charlie? Is there something wrong with me? Are you seeing what I'm seeing? That is an unusual way to sit.
Right? Okay.
Lacey, let's get into this.
Your sexually provocative behavior is probably just you trying to fill an emotional void - left behind from your childhood.
- Wow.
Void.
Someone likes to talk dirty with people watching.
- She's a complete slut.
- I could have told you that from the shoes.
I'm going to go get some pizza.
You remember pizza? Looks like your ship is taking on water, captain.
Not helping, ed.
People are just getting into some more difficult truths.
Lacey is this close to realizing that she doesn't need to use sex to get love.
I use love to get sex.
Love is empty and meaningless, and sex lasts forever.
Two down, two to go.
Time to call in a mayday.
- Ed, please.
- Everyone is experiencing emotions but me.
Why can't I feel anything real? Oh, this isn't even real.
You just hit the iceberg, boy.
This whole thing is going down.
If I were you, I would call it a day.
- I know what I'm doing.
- The hell you do.
Shut up, dad! I apologize for "shut up.
" I'm going to need a few minutes in the kitchen to figure out "dad.
" You okay? I tried to be objective and I wind up yelling at a patient.
Oh, come on, Charlie.
Wake up.
Look what happened here.
You called one of your patients dad.
Freud would be creaming his jeans over that.
Freud wouldn't wear jeans.
He'd wear a slip.
Freudian slip.
I'm so tired.
But your hypothesis was correct.
The inhibitions came down and the truth came out.
- Yeah, for me.
- Nobody else had a breakthrough? Lacey cried, nolan yelled, and Patrick realized he's avoiding his real emotions.
That is huge! What did you realize about your dad? I I don't know.
What did I realize? Wake up! Ed is on my ass just like my dad's been my whole life.
I've never been good enough for him.
- And? - And? Wake up! Now it's just about hitting me, isn't it? Why did you do this study? Who do you want recognition from? Have you asked yourself even one of these questions? Well, not yet.
Someone has been slapping the crap out of me.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
I'm still trying to make my dad proud.
That's what this whole thing was about.
Why can't I be a normal person and just want to have sex with my mom? Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey.
Except it's eggables and tofacon.
Ed, I'm very sorry about last night.
- I was really burnt.
- Good, because I was afraid you were going to come over here and ask me to take you fishing.
If you want to go to a strip club, - I'd be up for that.
- No, no.
Here's your blanket.
Keep it.
Someday when you're lying in your bed with it wrapped around you, I want you to think about what could have been.
Just take your stupid blanket.
- You okay? - Yeah.
Whatever I did last night, don't take it seriously.
I was crazy.
We all got a little crazy last night.
I was thinking about what you said, and I may have some anger stuff from when I was a kid stuff from my dad leaving or whatever.
Welcome to the club.
This is a penny my dad made for me at Carlsbad Caverns.
It's actually the last great time I remember us ever having together.
I keep it for good luck.
So it reminds you that, even though you have issues with your parents, you can move past them? Exactly.
Thanks.
Hope it works.
Isn't that the coin you have been carrying around for 35 years? Yeah.
- Did you mean to give it to her? - No.
- How are you feeling? - Sad.
Do you want me to take you to carlsbad caverns? Is that a euphemism for something else? - Yeah.
- Then yes.