Another Period (2015) s03e01 Episode Script
Congress
1 Previously on "Another Period" [GRUNTING.]
Two women destroyed this haven of sin, and they are as of yet unidentified.
They are the new face of feminism.
May I present to you Kermit Constantine Bellacourt.
All right, sisters, clear the space.
I have this room reserved for my meeting today.
And we will not rest until every woman everywhere has the right to vote.
[BOTH CHANTING.]
No votes for women! [BOTH YELLING.]
[EXPLOSIVE BOOM.]
Hortense and Bertram they're dead.
You've been served.
They're divorce papers.
I suppose I'll just take the abbey.
All of the companies folded, and they all transferred their funds to the abbey.
Sweet Dodo, may I have this one last dance? How could this happen? [LOUD KNOCKING.]
[YELLING.]
[KNOCKING CONTINUES.]
They're here.
The bankers are here.
[SCREAMING.]
Here, take this! This serving platter is my best friend! - [KNOCKING CONTINUES.]
- Garfield! Chain me to this statue! I can't live without this 17th-century French suit of armor! Tonight, we die, Garfield! [KNOCKING.]
Grab the torches, get your guns.
Prepare to bite down on the cyanide capsule.
[ALL SCREAMING.]
[TENSE MUSIC.]
I'm back.
We're back, darling.
Although I suppose I've never been here before.
- Nice place.
- What's all this about? You remember all that money I siphoned out of your accounts? I'm using it to buy back the house from the bank, and you're to evacuate the premises immediately.
Mother! I always knew you were a banker.
Hello, girls.
After the bankers take our things, can we please go shopping for new things? I really need to keep this platter.
Garfield, you have something on your lips.
What? Was I not supposed to bite down on the cyanide pill? [THUDS.]
I want the money I want the fame I want the whole world to know my name This is mine I gotta get it I got to get it Got-got to get it Another period Yea we walk Yea we walk In the valley of death Jesus Guide us in the valley of death My fellow mourners, I did not know Hortense.
[QUIETLY.]
Hortense? So I will leave it to you, those who loved her, to eulogize her.
Let's all say a few words as we pass around the only item that remains from her horrible accident.
[straining [GRUNTING.]
Um, I'm sorry.
Hortense, was she the one with the horse face? I did not care for her at all.
[SNIFFLING.]
I'm pretty sure I never met Hortense.
[GROANING.]
Well, what can I say about Hortense that hasn't already been said.
Well, nothing's been said, so you could say anything.
That would be fantastic.
Mostly, I remember brown.
[GRUNTING.]
[GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTS.]
[SNIFFLES.]
We used to make fun of Hortense, and now that she's gone, it's not the same making fun of someone who's dead [SOBBING.]
because you can't see their reactions.
[WAILING.]
[INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC.]
This time I know it's for real Who are all those ugly people? This time I know it's for you All those people are here for Hortense? That I know This time I know it's for real Hortense was famous? [HIP-HOP MUSIC.]
Oh! No.
You look as though you could use a hand, Blanche.
Yes, please.
It's very difficult to shovel coal while caring for a baby.
Well, then you shouldn't have had a baby.
When he's right, he's right.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
Yoo-hoo! Hi, I'm confused.
What on Earth was Hortense famous for? Most queefs per carriage ride? [BOTH LAUGH.]
She was going to change the lives of women everywhere.
Who cares about that? Only women.
And who cares about women? Only ugly women.
Hortense was on the verge of crossing over.
Oh, she already crossed over.
That's what the funeral was for.
No! She was on the precipice of greatness.
She was going to speak at Congress.
She would have entered the annals of history.
I want to enter the annals! I love entering the annals.
And it wasn't just Hortense.
New heroines are emerging every day.
Like that bride and nun.
I can't imagine how famous they would be if only anyone knew who they were.
Uh, did you just say the bride and the nun? - Yeah.
- That's us! We're the bride and the nun.
- We are? - Yes, from the newspaper.
You're the bride and the nun? BOTH: Mm-hmm.
Now I gotta get rid of this tattoo.
Beatrice and I will make much better famous people than Hortense.
Maybe she didn't die in vain.
She died in a car.
I found it! 1855 Chateau De Noir.
We were saving it to celebrate the end of the war, but then we found out we couldn't keep our slaves so we just shoved it all back into storage.
Oh, Black, that was a very competent eulogy.
You didn't tell me you could sing.
I always had dreams of becoming a musician, but with the church, those dreams fell by the wayside.
Oh, Freddy, I don't think you've been properly introduced.
This is Black Donahue.
He's going to be living here now.
Oh, thank you, mother, thank you! You always know just how to make me feel better.
What are you doing, son? What I always do with priests.
No, he's not that kind of priest.
Well, I know I'm not as young as I used to be, but I'm still a very pretty boy.
[HIP-HOP MUSIC.]
Hortense is gone.
May her BMs be smooth and everlasting, but with her gone, it is obvious that there is only one person who can replace her.
Ladies! Ladies.
If I may call you that.
Today's your lucky day.
We've come to lead you.
Look, we may not know how to be boring or how not to care that everyone's laughing - at us like you - But we do know how to get attention from men.
Oh, I know how to do that! You just have to scream and scream and nag and emasculate them.
But Abortion Deb, that's only taken us so far.
Cornetta has a point.
And getting the approval of men is exactly what we need in Congress.
No! Besides, we gotta focus on getting signatures.
Ooh! Are those, like, autographs? I'm great at those.
No! This is not up for discussion.
You two will never be a part of the NAGS.
Is this because we're not ugly enough? We tried really, really hard to make ourselves look like you.
You think we're ugly? Yes, but that's what you're going for, right? No, this is just how we look.
So you're not doing this on purpose? Ugh, get it off! - Get it off! - I don't want it! Oh, I'm wearing brown! I feel like I'm on fire! [GENTLE GUITAR MUSIC.]
Round the rose bush [APPLAUSE.]
Thank you.
I agree.
I agree.
Now Peepers? Oh, Black.
[CHUCKLES.]
It's time for my 4:00 air bath.
Did you forget? No, madam, Father Donahue asked us to suspend our duties so we could listen to him play his music.
Ah, I see.
Well, playtime is over.
Peepers, run my air bath.
- Right away, madam.
- No! As the man of the house, I demand that everybody listens to my concert.
Including you.
Now, take a seat.
At the servants' table? I'll do no such thing.
Yes, at the servants' table.
All right.
Sorry about that, everyone.
"Pop Goes the Weasel.
" With a twist.
[PLAYING LIGHT MELODY.]
[HIP-HOP MUSIC.]
- Yes? - Hyman? Oh, Blanche, please.
I'm your husband.
You call me Dr.
Goldberg.
Uh, I was wondering if Baby Murray could sleep in one of your unused dresser drawers - while I'm working? - I'm sorry, one of? - One of your - Mine? - Yes.
- The operative word here being "mine," as in my drawer.
Not yours, not your baby's.
Mine.
So no.
Also, I don't know if it's your baby's diaper or your body, but something in here smelled like shit the moment you arrived so leave.
Okay.
You may go.
I love marriage! [HIP-HOP MUSIC.]
Pardon me, do you have 20 to 25 minutes to listen to a symposium on women's affairs? The woman is talking to you, shithead! I will tear off your dick! This doesn't seem to be working.
These petitions prove to Congress that we have the community's support behind us.
I got one! "Rutherford B.
Hateswomen" [GROANS.]
Maybe we should just call it a day.
[INSTRUMENTAL DEF LEPPARD'S "POUR SOME SUGAR ON ME".]
"Bathing costume carriage wash"? That is just indecent! They're hardly wearing any clothes.
Are they getting signatures? Seems like their way is working.
They sure do know how to appeal to men.
And that's we need to bring to Congress! We really want those two morons Representing all women at Congress? They got the horse's vote.
[HORSE NEIGHING.]
What would Hortense think? Hortense is dead.
Jane Doe.
Came in late last night.
Farmer found her unconscious in a field.
God knows how long she's been wandering in the woods.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
[HIP-HOP MUSIC.]
[GENTLE MELODY.]
Black.
This is quite a lot of instruments.
Where did you get all of these things? Oh, these.
I just ordered them from the Amazon.
They have everything there.
It's a very large jungle.
Don't you think it's a little much? How else can I pursue my dream of being a musician unless I have every single instrument? Black, there's something we should discuss.
You see, it's become quite clear that one of us is supporting the other one of us.
Ah, yes, I do realize that.
I support you emotionally, spiritually, sexually, but you're welcome.
It's my pleasure to do so.
I see, but financially Oh.
Oh.
You're talking about money? Of course.
Oh, yes.
I didn't realize you cared so much about money.
I thought you cared about me, but no, it's all about money.
Perhaps I should get them to pack it all up then and I'll just give up my dream.
Pack it all up, everyone.
She only care about money and not about me.
No, no, no, I do care about you.
Hold on.
I'm I'm sorry I was cross with you.
That's all right.
I forgive you.
The bathing costume carriage wash was a smash hit! So now the NAGS are letting us bring our act to Congress.
Oh, I'm so excited! Lillian, this is our moment.
I wish Hortense were alive so she could see us steal her dream.
She's so selfish.
Ladies, we came to wish you luck.
Now get out there and tell the world that women deserve the right to vote.
[LAUGHING.]
Sorry.
Sorry, I thought you said "vote.
" [LAUGHTER CONTINUES.]
- We did.
- There's no time for joking.
- We're at Congress.
- I've never joked in my entire life.
This is why we're here? To help women get the right to vote? - Us? - Why did you think - you were here? - Oh, well, I figured it was an appearance.
A sort of a meet and greet for all of our new fans.
No, it's about suffrage.
That's why Hortense was famous.
She was going to get us the right to vote.
You didn't know that? - No.
- I [Bleep.]
hate women! [HIP-HOP MUSIC.]
[DAUNTING MUSIC.]
Over my dead body! - [GRUNTS.]
- Oh, shit.
[FOOTSTEPS THUMPING.]
[GENTLE PIANO MUSIC.]
[HIP-HOP MUSIC.]
Oh, this train's coming right at me.
That's incredible.
Oh, my God! Oh! [YELLING.]
What have you done with the morphine room? This is my dojo.
- Pause.
- I know what you're doing, Father Donahue, and I demand that you stop taking advantage of Lady Dodo's kind heart and generosity.
- Or what? - Or feel the full wrath of Mr.
Peepers.
All right, Mr.
Peepers.
Let me feel this wrath.
[GUITAR NOTE RESONATES.]
A duel.
A duel it is.
To the death.
Artistically speaking.
[BLOWING.]
Warm my fingers, please, Garfield.
Do you have one of those glass things you put on your finger? The duel was under your initiation.
- You begin.
- Fine.
Garfield, give us a C, please.
[HUMS NOTE.]
- [BOTH STRUMMING.]
- Ooh, that's off.
- That's off, isn't it? - Yes.
We'll just try that again.
[STRUMMING TUNE.]
It's probably easier if I tune to you.
Fine.
[BOTH STRUMMING.]
[HUMMING.]
- Does that sound okay? - [HUMMING.]
- What note is that? - I don't know.
Do you know, "Oh, He's My Savior, - Let Him Come Amongst Us"? - Do you have a tuning fork? Do you know, "Oh, Christ, Here He Is"? Do you know "Camptown Races"? Do you know, "Oh, Gay Are The Days For He Is The One"? Do you know, "Champagne Charlie Was His Name"? How does that go? - Is that - Champagne Charlie - [BOTH SINGING.]
- Are you alone? Does it look like I'm alone? Yes.
There are two other men in this room.
Yes, but I always [Bleep.]
in front of them.
It's true.
I've been very bad, Padre.
You may need to spank me.
- Frederick.
- Mmm? I will never, ever make love to you.
Ever.
[SOBBING.]
We'll continue this later, sir.
Don't get on my bad side, Peepers.
I intend to be here for a very long time.
[GAVEL BANGING.]
Speaking on behalf of women's suffrage, Beatrice and Lillian Bellacourt.
It's actually pronounced Lillian and Beatrice Bellacourt.
Ladies, you have the floor.
Why should women get the right to vote? Why should women get the right to vote? On the one hand, voting could lead to women thinking they should have opinions, or jobs, or control over their own bodies.
On the other hand, all those women would worship me.
On the other hand, I hate the Jews.
Hmm, not sure what that has to do with anything.
Miss Bellacourt? We're waiting.
Why should we allow women's suffrage? Oh.
Um.
[INSPIRATIONAL PIANO MUSIC.]
Because you know they're going to get the vote eventually, and if you help make that happen, they'll vote for you and keep you in office for life, but if you try to stop it, they'll vote against you, and your worst fear will come true.
You'll lose your power.
But won't you all just want to vote for other women? Oh, uh, women hate each other.
Well, you've made some compelling points here today, and I think a lady vote makes a lot of sense.
Stop! I must speak! Like a Lazarus from the grave, I am back, you pieces of shit.
Hortense! You're alive? [CROWD GASPING.]
You look so different.
Of course I look different.
I've been in a car accident! That changes a woman! Do not listen to these fools, they know not what they say.
The reason to allow the vote for women is because they are equal to men! No, they're not.
Down with the patriarchy! You idiot! [SHRILL SCREAMING.]
[TENSE MUSIC.]
[SCREAMS, GLASS SHATTERS.]
[WOMEN SCREAMING AND SMACKING.]
[WOMEN GRUNTING.]
[GLASS SHATTERS, ABORTION DEB GASPS.]
[WOMEN SCREAMING AND SMACKING, GLASS SHATTERS.]
[SCREAMS.]
Do you think we should tell them we already voted on women's suffrage and that they already lost? [ALL GRUNTING.]
[HIP-HOP MUSIC.]
[HYPERVENTILATING.]
I can't believe this happened to us.
Well, on the bright side, we'll never have to vote or get a job, so there's that.
Oh.
[GUITAR STRUMMING.]
Time for bed.
Darling, never interrupt a man in the midst of his creative flow.
But darling, we haven't had carnal relations - since you've been here.
- I don't want anything to distract me from my pursuits.
You're not holding up your end of the bargain.
Which is? To [Bleep.]
me.
Spending my money and mistreating me in front of the servants is one thing.
If I wanted to be with a man who didn't penetrate me, I would have tolerated my life with the Commodore.
A woman of your age should be grateful for the attention of any man.
Get out.
I'm sorry, that was harsh.
I know how to make it up to you.
Dodo Bellacourt, will you marry me? So I can go back to not owning my house and not having my own money? Yes.
Get out! - Of the room? - Get out of my house! All right.
- I'm leaving then.
- Get out! And leave that ring.
I know you took it from my dresser.
I was going to get another one.
This is temporary.
All I want in this world is for my little baby Murray to have a good life.
I will do anything.
Anything! [GENTLE PIANO MUSIC.]
Here you go.
- [BABY COOS.]
- Hi.
Yes, hello.
[BABY CRYING.]
I love you, Baby Murray.
I love you.
[CRYING.]
Are you looking for your bible? [EROGENOUS MUSIC.]
I think you need it more than I do.
So many rules.
- Will you read one to me? - No, Frederick.
[GROANS.]
Two women destroyed this haven of sin, and they are as of yet unidentified.
They are the new face of feminism.
May I present to you Kermit Constantine Bellacourt.
All right, sisters, clear the space.
I have this room reserved for my meeting today.
And we will not rest until every woman everywhere has the right to vote.
[BOTH CHANTING.]
No votes for women! [BOTH YELLING.]
[EXPLOSIVE BOOM.]
Hortense and Bertram they're dead.
You've been served.
They're divorce papers.
I suppose I'll just take the abbey.
All of the companies folded, and they all transferred their funds to the abbey.
Sweet Dodo, may I have this one last dance? How could this happen? [LOUD KNOCKING.]
[YELLING.]
[KNOCKING CONTINUES.]
They're here.
The bankers are here.
[SCREAMING.]
Here, take this! This serving platter is my best friend! - [KNOCKING CONTINUES.]
- Garfield! Chain me to this statue! I can't live without this 17th-century French suit of armor! Tonight, we die, Garfield! [KNOCKING.]
Grab the torches, get your guns.
Prepare to bite down on the cyanide capsule.
[ALL SCREAMING.]
[TENSE MUSIC.]
I'm back.
We're back, darling.
Although I suppose I've never been here before.
- Nice place.
- What's all this about? You remember all that money I siphoned out of your accounts? I'm using it to buy back the house from the bank, and you're to evacuate the premises immediately.
Mother! I always knew you were a banker.
Hello, girls.
After the bankers take our things, can we please go shopping for new things? I really need to keep this platter.
Garfield, you have something on your lips.
What? Was I not supposed to bite down on the cyanide pill? [THUDS.]
I want the money I want the fame I want the whole world to know my name This is mine I gotta get it I got to get it Got-got to get it Another period Yea we walk Yea we walk In the valley of death Jesus Guide us in the valley of death My fellow mourners, I did not know Hortense.
[QUIETLY.]
Hortense? So I will leave it to you, those who loved her, to eulogize her.
Let's all say a few words as we pass around the only item that remains from her horrible accident.
[straining [GRUNTING.]
Um, I'm sorry.
Hortense, was she the one with the horse face? I did not care for her at all.
[SNIFFLING.]
I'm pretty sure I never met Hortense.
[GROANING.]
Well, what can I say about Hortense that hasn't already been said.
Well, nothing's been said, so you could say anything.
That would be fantastic.
Mostly, I remember brown.
[GRUNTING.]
[GRUNTS.]
[GRUNTS.]
[SNIFFLES.]
We used to make fun of Hortense, and now that she's gone, it's not the same making fun of someone who's dead [SOBBING.]
because you can't see their reactions.
[WAILING.]
[INSPIRATIONAL MUSIC.]
This time I know it's for real Who are all those ugly people? This time I know it's for you All those people are here for Hortense? That I know This time I know it's for real Hortense was famous? [HIP-HOP MUSIC.]
Oh! No.
You look as though you could use a hand, Blanche.
Yes, please.
It's very difficult to shovel coal while caring for a baby.
Well, then you shouldn't have had a baby.
When he's right, he's right.
[TENSE MUSIC.]
Yoo-hoo! Hi, I'm confused.
What on Earth was Hortense famous for? Most queefs per carriage ride? [BOTH LAUGH.]
She was going to change the lives of women everywhere.
Who cares about that? Only women.
And who cares about women? Only ugly women.
Hortense was on the verge of crossing over.
Oh, she already crossed over.
That's what the funeral was for.
No! She was on the precipice of greatness.
She was going to speak at Congress.
She would have entered the annals of history.
I want to enter the annals! I love entering the annals.
And it wasn't just Hortense.
New heroines are emerging every day.
Like that bride and nun.
I can't imagine how famous they would be if only anyone knew who they were.
Uh, did you just say the bride and the nun? - Yeah.
- That's us! We're the bride and the nun.
- We are? - Yes, from the newspaper.
You're the bride and the nun? BOTH: Mm-hmm.
Now I gotta get rid of this tattoo.
Beatrice and I will make much better famous people than Hortense.
Maybe she didn't die in vain.
She died in a car.
I found it! 1855 Chateau De Noir.
We were saving it to celebrate the end of the war, but then we found out we couldn't keep our slaves so we just shoved it all back into storage.
Oh, Black, that was a very competent eulogy.
You didn't tell me you could sing.
I always had dreams of becoming a musician, but with the church, those dreams fell by the wayside.
Oh, Freddy, I don't think you've been properly introduced.
This is Black Donahue.
He's going to be living here now.
Oh, thank you, mother, thank you! You always know just how to make me feel better.
What are you doing, son? What I always do with priests.
No, he's not that kind of priest.
Well, I know I'm not as young as I used to be, but I'm still a very pretty boy.
[HIP-HOP MUSIC.]
Hortense is gone.
May her BMs be smooth and everlasting, but with her gone, it is obvious that there is only one person who can replace her.
Ladies! Ladies.
If I may call you that.
Today's your lucky day.
We've come to lead you.
Look, we may not know how to be boring or how not to care that everyone's laughing - at us like you - But we do know how to get attention from men.
Oh, I know how to do that! You just have to scream and scream and nag and emasculate them.
But Abortion Deb, that's only taken us so far.
Cornetta has a point.
And getting the approval of men is exactly what we need in Congress.
No! Besides, we gotta focus on getting signatures.
Ooh! Are those, like, autographs? I'm great at those.
No! This is not up for discussion.
You two will never be a part of the NAGS.
Is this because we're not ugly enough? We tried really, really hard to make ourselves look like you.
You think we're ugly? Yes, but that's what you're going for, right? No, this is just how we look.
So you're not doing this on purpose? Ugh, get it off! - Get it off! - I don't want it! Oh, I'm wearing brown! I feel like I'm on fire! [GENTLE GUITAR MUSIC.]
Round the rose bush [APPLAUSE.]
Thank you.
I agree.
I agree.
Now Peepers? Oh, Black.
[CHUCKLES.]
It's time for my 4:00 air bath.
Did you forget? No, madam, Father Donahue asked us to suspend our duties so we could listen to him play his music.
Ah, I see.
Well, playtime is over.
Peepers, run my air bath.
- Right away, madam.
- No! As the man of the house, I demand that everybody listens to my concert.
Including you.
Now, take a seat.
At the servants' table? I'll do no such thing.
Yes, at the servants' table.
All right.
Sorry about that, everyone.
"Pop Goes the Weasel.
" With a twist.
[PLAYING LIGHT MELODY.]
[HIP-HOP MUSIC.]
- Yes? - Hyman? Oh, Blanche, please.
I'm your husband.
You call me Dr.
Goldberg.
Uh, I was wondering if Baby Murray could sleep in one of your unused dresser drawers - while I'm working? - I'm sorry, one of? - One of your - Mine? - Yes.
- The operative word here being "mine," as in my drawer.
Not yours, not your baby's.
Mine.
So no.
Also, I don't know if it's your baby's diaper or your body, but something in here smelled like shit the moment you arrived so leave.
Okay.
You may go.
I love marriage! [HIP-HOP MUSIC.]
Pardon me, do you have 20 to 25 minutes to listen to a symposium on women's affairs? The woman is talking to you, shithead! I will tear off your dick! This doesn't seem to be working.
These petitions prove to Congress that we have the community's support behind us.
I got one! "Rutherford B.
Hateswomen" [GROANS.]
Maybe we should just call it a day.
[INSTRUMENTAL DEF LEPPARD'S "POUR SOME SUGAR ON ME".]
"Bathing costume carriage wash"? That is just indecent! They're hardly wearing any clothes.
Are they getting signatures? Seems like their way is working.
They sure do know how to appeal to men.
And that's we need to bring to Congress! We really want those two morons Representing all women at Congress? They got the horse's vote.
[HORSE NEIGHING.]
What would Hortense think? Hortense is dead.
Jane Doe.
Came in late last night.
Farmer found her unconscious in a field.
God knows how long she's been wandering in the woods.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC.]
[HIP-HOP MUSIC.]
[GENTLE MELODY.]
Black.
This is quite a lot of instruments.
Where did you get all of these things? Oh, these.
I just ordered them from the Amazon.
They have everything there.
It's a very large jungle.
Don't you think it's a little much? How else can I pursue my dream of being a musician unless I have every single instrument? Black, there's something we should discuss.
You see, it's become quite clear that one of us is supporting the other one of us.
Ah, yes, I do realize that.
I support you emotionally, spiritually, sexually, but you're welcome.
It's my pleasure to do so.
I see, but financially Oh.
Oh.
You're talking about money? Of course.
Oh, yes.
I didn't realize you cared so much about money.
I thought you cared about me, but no, it's all about money.
Perhaps I should get them to pack it all up then and I'll just give up my dream.
Pack it all up, everyone.
She only care about money and not about me.
No, no, no, I do care about you.
Hold on.
I'm I'm sorry I was cross with you.
That's all right.
I forgive you.
The bathing costume carriage wash was a smash hit! So now the NAGS are letting us bring our act to Congress.
Oh, I'm so excited! Lillian, this is our moment.
I wish Hortense were alive so she could see us steal her dream.
She's so selfish.
Ladies, we came to wish you luck.
Now get out there and tell the world that women deserve the right to vote.
[LAUGHING.]
Sorry.
Sorry, I thought you said "vote.
" [LAUGHTER CONTINUES.]
- We did.
- There's no time for joking.
- We're at Congress.
- I've never joked in my entire life.
This is why we're here? To help women get the right to vote? - Us? - Why did you think - you were here? - Oh, well, I figured it was an appearance.
A sort of a meet and greet for all of our new fans.
No, it's about suffrage.
That's why Hortense was famous.
She was going to get us the right to vote.
You didn't know that? - No.
- I [Bleep.]
hate women! [HIP-HOP MUSIC.]
[DAUNTING MUSIC.]
Over my dead body! - [GRUNTS.]
- Oh, shit.
[FOOTSTEPS THUMPING.]
[GENTLE PIANO MUSIC.]
[HIP-HOP MUSIC.]
Oh, this train's coming right at me.
That's incredible.
Oh, my God! Oh! [YELLING.]
What have you done with the morphine room? This is my dojo.
- Pause.
- I know what you're doing, Father Donahue, and I demand that you stop taking advantage of Lady Dodo's kind heart and generosity.
- Or what? - Or feel the full wrath of Mr.
Peepers.
All right, Mr.
Peepers.
Let me feel this wrath.
[GUITAR NOTE RESONATES.]
A duel.
A duel it is.
To the death.
Artistically speaking.
[BLOWING.]
Warm my fingers, please, Garfield.
Do you have one of those glass things you put on your finger? The duel was under your initiation.
- You begin.
- Fine.
Garfield, give us a C, please.
[HUMS NOTE.]
- [BOTH STRUMMING.]
- Ooh, that's off.
- That's off, isn't it? - Yes.
We'll just try that again.
[STRUMMING TUNE.]
It's probably easier if I tune to you.
Fine.
[BOTH STRUMMING.]
[HUMMING.]
- Does that sound okay? - [HUMMING.]
- What note is that? - I don't know.
Do you know, "Oh, He's My Savior, - Let Him Come Amongst Us"? - Do you have a tuning fork? Do you know, "Oh, Christ, Here He Is"? Do you know "Camptown Races"? Do you know, "Oh, Gay Are The Days For He Is The One"? Do you know, "Champagne Charlie Was His Name"? How does that go? - Is that - Champagne Charlie - [BOTH SINGING.]
- Are you alone? Does it look like I'm alone? Yes.
There are two other men in this room.
Yes, but I always [Bleep.]
in front of them.
It's true.
I've been very bad, Padre.
You may need to spank me.
- Frederick.
- Mmm? I will never, ever make love to you.
Ever.
[SOBBING.]
We'll continue this later, sir.
Don't get on my bad side, Peepers.
I intend to be here for a very long time.
[GAVEL BANGING.]
Speaking on behalf of women's suffrage, Beatrice and Lillian Bellacourt.
It's actually pronounced Lillian and Beatrice Bellacourt.
Ladies, you have the floor.
Why should women get the right to vote? Why should women get the right to vote? On the one hand, voting could lead to women thinking they should have opinions, or jobs, or control over their own bodies.
On the other hand, all those women would worship me.
On the other hand, I hate the Jews.
Hmm, not sure what that has to do with anything.
Miss Bellacourt? We're waiting.
Why should we allow women's suffrage? Oh.
Um.
[INSPIRATIONAL PIANO MUSIC.]
Because you know they're going to get the vote eventually, and if you help make that happen, they'll vote for you and keep you in office for life, but if you try to stop it, they'll vote against you, and your worst fear will come true.
You'll lose your power.
But won't you all just want to vote for other women? Oh, uh, women hate each other.
Well, you've made some compelling points here today, and I think a lady vote makes a lot of sense.
Stop! I must speak! Like a Lazarus from the grave, I am back, you pieces of shit.
Hortense! You're alive? [CROWD GASPING.]
You look so different.
Of course I look different.
I've been in a car accident! That changes a woman! Do not listen to these fools, they know not what they say.
The reason to allow the vote for women is because they are equal to men! No, they're not.
Down with the patriarchy! You idiot! [SHRILL SCREAMING.]
[TENSE MUSIC.]
[SCREAMS, GLASS SHATTERS.]
[WOMEN SCREAMING AND SMACKING.]
[WOMEN GRUNTING.]
[GLASS SHATTERS, ABORTION DEB GASPS.]
[WOMEN SCREAMING AND SMACKING, GLASS SHATTERS.]
[SCREAMS.]
Do you think we should tell them we already voted on women's suffrage and that they already lost? [ALL GRUNTING.]
[HIP-HOP MUSIC.]
[HYPERVENTILATING.]
I can't believe this happened to us.
Well, on the bright side, we'll never have to vote or get a job, so there's that.
Oh.
[GUITAR STRUMMING.]
Time for bed.
Darling, never interrupt a man in the midst of his creative flow.
But darling, we haven't had carnal relations - since you've been here.
- I don't want anything to distract me from my pursuits.
You're not holding up your end of the bargain.
Which is? To [Bleep.]
me.
Spending my money and mistreating me in front of the servants is one thing.
If I wanted to be with a man who didn't penetrate me, I would have tolerated my life with the Commodore.
A woman of your age should be grateful for the attention of any man.
Get out.
I'm sorry, that was harsh.
I know how to make it up to you.
Dodo Bellacourt, will you marry me? So I can go back to not owning my house and not having my own money? Yes.
Get out! - Of the room? - Get out of my house! All right.
- I'm leaving then.
- Get out! And leave that ring.
I know you took it from my dresser.
I was going to get another one.
This is temporary.
All I want in this world is for my little baby Murray to have a good life.
I will do anything.
Anything! [GENTLE PIANO MUSIC.]
Here you go.
- [BABY COOS.]
- Hi.
Yes, hello.
[BABY CRYING.]
I love you, Baby Murray.
I love you.
[CRYING.]
Are you looking for your bible? [EROGENOUS MUSIC.]
I think you need it more than I do.
So many rules.
- Will you read one to me? - No, Frederick.
[GROANS.]