Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Super Birthday Snake

Gentlemen! I have genetically spliced the double helix of a fried pork chop with that of my roommate, Randall! Hell yes, whoa! Come here, Randall and pay your half of the utilities! Meatwad, your bunny rabbit showed up! - All right! Where is it? - It's a long bunny.
Sure is.
Come on, bring him in here.
Come on, hurry up! I ain't got all day.
No.
I'm putting it back outside now.
Because you think I'm some kind of slave.
Please, you can bring the bunny rabbit in here now.
I need it.
Then you get it! It's your snake.
My snake? - I thought you got me a rabbit.
- Rabbit.
Well, maybe you should just open it up before you go flying off the handle judging things you don't know anything about.
- This ain't no damn bunny rabbit! - What do you know? It's a snake! I wanted a bunny rabbit.
I was gonna name it Nathan.
That's Latin for "warm," by the way.
Nathan Scott Phillips.
Hey, look.
Turn that frown upside down.
You can still have a bunny rabbit.
- Really? - With a little imagination, of course.
- Oh, boy! - Look what we have here.
Pipe cleaners, a stapler, and a pound of human hair.
I can make some fur, shape some ears for him, and staple it all to his head.
Then you'll be able to have your very own long bunny rabbit that you designed.
It's your chance to play God! Hold still, Nathan.
This will only hurt once.
But damn will it hurt! He's kissing you! - He's thanking you for the gift of life.
- Really? That's a deep kiss, too, like the Europeans.
The French have to unhinge their jaw to show love.
Kind of feeling numb here.
Is it supposed to really slow your breathing down like I'm kind of feeling? Well, that's emotion overtaking your nervous system.
Well, come on, Nathan Scott Phillips.
That's your name now.
- Did the bunny arrive yet? - What bunny? Yeah, that got here, all right.
And you know what, he has been very irresponsible with it.
- And it came in that box? - I don't know.
- What is that over there? - I don't know! You're the one with the computer.
Look it up.
It's going all the way back to Meatwad's room.
Oh, my God! Where is Meatwad? There he is.
I found him.
- Where? - Frylock, look.
Made a nice little garden, from the inside.
Oh, my God, Frylock! You know what needs to be done.
Just let it alone until he dissolves.
Help me get the tail in here so we can seal this room off forever.
Shake, get back.
I'll have to blow it open.
Don't blow him open.
This is Nathan Scott Phillips.
He's my best friend.
Stand back, Meatwad.
Cover your ears.
You gonna save him? Look, a snake's gotta eat.
If you kill Nathan, I will hate you for the rest of my days.
Meatwad, you don't mean that.
You know you don't mean that.
Yeah, I do.
- I can't do it.
- That's right, you can't.
- Over here.
For the camera, please.
- There's gotta be another way.
- Tilt your head up.
- I know.
- Head up! - We'll make the snake throw Meatwad up.
I have an idea.
Let's just feed him some of that crap you made us eat for Thanksgiving.
You know, I threw up for three days, it was so disgusting.
"Pukesgiving! " Damn it, he's not eating it.
Of course he's not eating it.
It's gelled fat.
I liked it.
I said that at Thanksgiving, and here we are again.
Here's what you do.
Hey, Snakie! Spring break! You drunk yet, snake? Yeah, you like that vodka going in, don't you? - We'll see how you like it coming out! - I think he's just passed out.
- Meatwad, can you hear me? - You give me another beer! I'm 21! Great! He's drunk.
I'm not drunk.
You're the drunk one.
You wanna do something about it? Yeah, I'll do something about it.
How about that? - You like that? - Do that to my face! What, you scared? He did it again.
This is stupid.
Let's just kick him out of here.
What? What are you looking at? God, it smells like a brewery in here! - Why do you keep shouting, stupid? - Frylock, blow his head off! Do not kill him! He's a friend of mine.
Or you'll have to deal with me.
Will you shut up, you drunk? What, you just decide that I'm drunk? You can't decide.
- Shut up! - I make that decision.
- My God.
- That decision is mine and God's.
- Will you listen to yourself? - Roger that.
- Now, look.
- No.
- Stop! - If I change, I make that decision.
Do not listen to Meatwad! That wasn't a decision that was made here.
Split this sucker down the middle! - All right.
Hold your ears! - Wait, don't! What's wrong? - Make sure the camera's on first.
- Yeah.
- All right.
How's the lights? - Lighting's good.
- Are they good? - Yeah.
- Do not touch the f-stop.
- I'm not messing with your f-stop.
- You got me framed up? - Yeah.
Make sure I'm framed up then blow her to hell.
Oh, God! What have I done? - Thanks for coming, Carl.
- Yeah, but I I can't pretend to know what you're going through right now but you let go, okay? Thank you.
If you need anything, you know who to look to.
Someone else.
If only we wouldn't have gotten him that pet.
He would have been here today.
Don't beat yourself up over it.
There's nothing you can do about this.
I mean, it kind of was your fault but screw it.
- They're dead and you're not.
- I appreciate it, I really do.
Is this the cemetery? This is a construction site, isn't it? Yeah, thank God, man.
They've held me down for too long.
Got the house all to myself.
Now I can finally do what I've always wanted to do.
Hang out with the wrong crowd.
So, why don't you pick up a couple of bitches and come over tonight? Or I'll put a cigarette out in your damn eye.
You jealous? You want some? Come on, let's see what we got in the back room here.
And bring your friend.
I like her.
Here.
It's a fruit roll-up.
I was gonna make you a casserole for your loss - but I didn't.
- Thanks.
I was gonna yell my brains out at you.
But, because of your loss, I might just gently ask what happened last night with all the noise? Why don't you mind your own damn business before I carve you up like a Christmas goose? I'll do what I did to that snake to you, too.
Try me.
Lay in.
You've changed.
For the better? There goes the neighborhood.
Man, this is over.
I'm done with this crib, and these stupid-ass dolls.
"I gotta have a pet".
Should have stayed with them stupid-ass dolls, ain't that right? Now they're all gonna have to go.
Who is it? Hello? Who's there? Show yourself.
What? Impossible! You killed us.
I told you not to do it, and you did it.
- Anyways - No, I didn't.
- Yes, you did.
- No, I didn't.
- Well, yeah, you did.
- No, I didn't.
- Yeah, you did.
- No, I didn't.
- You did.
- No, really, I didn't.
- Wait, did you just say that you did? - He did? - What, did he say that he did? - No, I said I didn't.
- 'Cause you did! - No, I didn't! - Did, too.
- Didn't.
- Did.
- No, I didn't.
Yes, you did! Watch the fire.
Over there.
Don't burn yourself.
Thank you.
- But you did.
- No, I didn't.
- Yes, you did! - No, I didn't.
- You so freaking did! - No, I didn't! - Of course you did! - No, I did not! - Yes, you did! - No, I didn't! - Well, yeah, you did.
- No, I didn't.
- Yes, you did! - No - You freaking did! - No.
- Yes, you did! - Really, I didn't.
Yes, you did! - Yes, you did! - Meatwad.
Take off the headgear.
You stay away from me with your bad influence and your earring! You killed me.
I ain't gonna forget that.
Relax, Meatwad, it's over.
That was just a computer simulation.
Wait a second.
So I'm not a zombie? - Nope.
No, you're not.
- But I crave brain.
- Computer simulation.
- What happened next? I don't know.
I rolled myself into a corner there at the end.
Still, it was pretty realistic, don't you think? Yeah, the graphics were great.
And especially the pains that I was feeling in the back of my head - were very realistic.
- And that was just me jabbing you in the back of your head with this fondue fork.
- You did your job good.
- So I hope you learned your lesson.
Yes, I did! I mean, oh, I did.
- Wait, what was it? - Don't you see, Meatwad? Having a pet is a large responsibility, and the simulation program proved you are not mature enough to take care of a pet rabbit.
Frylock, is that what you think? Well, that's what I and the computer both know.
Well, then, know this.
Hey, Nathan, look! Fresh brains.
Come on, lap them up while they're still warm and thinking.
Oh, God, my brain! - Turn the simulation off, please.
- God, my brain! Frylock, please.
That was a computer simulation program.
And it proved to me that you don't know what I like and what I like to do.
And that is to tell you what to do.
You need to listen to what I say because I'm gonna eat your brains!