Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Super Spore

Are you totally sure about this one? It says to do it, Steve, and I wrote it.
So it must be right! Okay, well "Now wait for further instructions from talking hole in neck".
Screw that.
Hey, y'all know what would be fun? - If I get in that pool.
- And how long has it been since lunch? Six seconds.
- I just saw you eat 40 hot dogs, didn't I? - Forty? No.
- Forty-eight.
- You have to wait 20 minutes, Meatwad.
We'll let him in and watch him cramp up, get sucked into the filter and jam it all up.
- Shake, shut the hell up.
- Why don't you make Why don't I make what? I said, make what? You still trying to think of what you want me to make? 'Cause I'll make it.
Are you all right? Japanese? When did you start speaking Japanese? - Since when did you get a tail? - A tail? Yeah.
Dragons have tails, and kitty cats and lizards - Could you please shut up? - I got a lot to say.
- Who the hell are you? - Yeah, get a load of that.
No, no.
Get off me, Shake.
I mean, who are you? So he's using Shake as his vessel to communicate with us.
Hell, I figured that out.
He done got 90 eyes and no mouth.
Where else he gonna talk? Through his butt? He won't have a butt.
Most aliens recycle their own wastes for fuel.
Obviously, this one doesn't.
What did he say? My Japanese is a bit rusty, but there was clearly something stated about fish drama.
That's odd.
Apparently the fish are slanted and require beards.
Must be some sort of a religious Now I understand.
It's a marriage proposal.
Let me handle this.
Listen, we've been through some good times together and I will always cherish that, but we do not want to marry you.
We still want to date around and see other people.
Meatwad, please.
He's not gonna understand that.
He agrees! Or he disagrees.
Oh, my God, my head.
Who are you? Back away from her.
She's psycho.
Unless you're ready to settle down and have some young'uns.
I can't commit to that.
I'm young, I'm hip, and I'm single.
I'm a tiger out there.
You don't put a leash on a tiger.
Plus, that's not female.
Look at it, no boobies.
- Shut up.
He's trying to say something.
- Yeah, he's trying to say: "I need somebody to kick me in the ass so I can get the hell off your land".
That's what you're trying to say, right? Thank you.
I'm sorry.
What I mean to say is Yesterday was a good day for a birthday.
Yesterday good day birthday.
I'm impressed.
He seems to be picking this English up pretty fast.
I mean, it took me forever, and me still don't does it right, do me? Yeah, I just wish there was a better way for him to talk without just, you know, puncturing someone's skull.
Yeah, I tell you what.
He tries that at the roller rink, he ain't gonna cut it.
I got an infection from them rental skates.
That's why I don't skate backwards anymore.
It hurts.
You are interested in this? - Don't be such a bitch.
- I'm a lawyer.
Don't be such a bitch.
I lawyer.
Get him to say: "Meatwad's number one.
I'm afraid of him because I'm poopy pants.
Eat my doodoo".
I don't eat doodoo, but make it like he does.
Why don't you come up to my room for a drink? - Hey, boy, listen to me.
- I'll be nude.
Come up to room for drink.
Nude be me.
- So, how are your lessons going? - Shut up, bitch.
Get beer for me lawyer.
- What? What did you just say to me? - I need 401! I think I know what you need.
You're going into a time-out! Please.
Me so sorry.
You look good in dress.
You look better on my floor.
Who got these language tapes? - You bitch! - That's all Carl had.
"Do it all night, every night"? This is a self-help seminar! - Please to frame us.
That's all right.
- Get in that room! - Me knew that - No, by yourself! This is my good friend.
Oh, God, what happened? You blacked out.
It's nothing.
Go back to sleep.
- Why you sending him to my room? - It's just for a few days.
It's always, "Just for a few days, Meatwad".
Do you understand how long a space that is? -782 hours.
- Neither do I.
- I want to enjoy my room while I'm alive.
- Yeah, that's nice.
I could have been the roller skate king down here on Earth.
- You know what I'm saying? - No.
You don't? 'Cause I don't.
How come there was just morning, and now it's, like, nighttime now? Because you got yourself infected by an alien s'more.
I got the what? No, you didn't.
You know Meatwad.
He's full of stories.
And it's a spore.
You know what? Some crazy nut-job broad must've slipped me one of the date drugs.
- Must have been.
- Gotten me loaded, had her way with me.
That's the problem.
I'm too attractive to women.
I know it makes you mad.
- Yes, it does.
- Listen, it's nothing for us to fight about.
- It's all good in the hood, you know? - I know.
I know, it's cool.
You'll get your own girl one day.
Fat chick! Excuse me, a little something in my throat.
I ain't never seen nothing like this, baby.
Good morning, everybody.
I just got a little What are you doing here? Did I not tell you yesterday that I didn't want Actually, it was about two weeks ago.
Whatever I did, whenever I did it, it stands.
Let me straighten you out here, sponge.
It's give and take around here.
- You give it to me, and I'll take it.
- Okay, go ahead.
And you ain't doing much for me, so I'm All right, now show me which utensil you use to eat this.
He eats just like an insect.
And I thought he was doing it because he thinks it's cool.
- You like that, bitch? - It is cool.
It is cool.
- You my bitch! - Rude! Are you doing this just to spite me? I try better next time.
Please, more flapjack now.
- That's better.
- I rule you.
- Frylock, he says he rules us.
- That's it, mister! Time-out for you.
- Damn! - What did I just hear you say? I heard him.
He said "damn," damn it.
Only adults like us are allowed to say damn, bitch, ass, and hell.
So get your hellin', damnin' ass back in that bitchin' damn room, damn it.
What? Damn! I was just helping you out, bitch! You shouldn't mouth off like that.
If you didn't say nothing, we'd be free.
- Frylock! - I said time-out! That means no talking! How are you doing? I think I need to go to the doctor because I've been losing long, long tracks of time now.
I'm starting to just get a little freaked out about the fact that my hand is missing! I can't find it.
You'll be fine.
That hole in your head will heal up in no time.
A hole? That's great.
I'm sure it was drilled on one of those days I can't remember.
No, no.
It's more like a dimple, really.
I mean, it makes you look cute, really, like Shirley Temple.
I don't remember Bojangles holding her brain in the back of her head as they tap-danced together.
Your communication portal is pretty bruised up in there.
You can see in there? That's fun! First off I might not remember the last two weeks, but I know I don't have a portal.
Look, it doesn't matter what did or didn't happen.
The point is, I made this.
What is that? For vegetables? It translates brain synapses and neural skull vibrations into audible speech frequencies.
Yeah, I got one of them, too.
It's called a mouth.
What's your point? Look, here's $5.
Go see a movie.
- Motion pictures are $10.
- Fine, here's $10.
- What about popcorn? - Whatever! Damn, just go! - I wonder what's playing.
- Go! Fine! I know when to go.
- Do you know what - Go! - Is that what I think it is? - It's an N.
, a neural speech transmitter.
It's my B.
My "brushed-nickel colander, stupid".
Take them wires off there and give it back.
I need to drain my spaghetti.
- You don't cook.
You sleep in this thing.
- Shut up.
You got fetishes.
I think he's got something to say with his new helmet.
Come on, you can do it.
Just try.
Come on.
- How you doing? - That's pretty much a dry hole.
Go on, use the helmet.
Hello? Hello.
Hello, Cleveland! Joke! - It works! Yes! - Yes! - What did I tell you? - May I please go to bathroom, please? Yes, you may.
You do know where it is, right? Yes, sir.
There you go.
Thank you for your hospitality.
I must now go on to complete my mission.
I didn't even get your name.
It's Travis.
Travis of Who's your dead friend? He's dead.
You leaving? What are you doing? You haven't even urinated on all of my house yet.
I would say that perseverance number-one aptitude Attribute.
I people person.
Work good with children.
People like me because I force them to, with violence! No, that's Do you have any questions for me? I rule you.
It was really nice to meet you, and I'll let you know in the near future if we start hiring animals.
Thank you, bitch.
Suck it dry!