Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Super Sir Loin

Gentlemen, behold! I have grafted a deer antler to my groin.
Wow! You know, so I'll fit in with the rest of the herd.
How do you go to the bathroom? - Meatwad! - I know.
Get higher.
Raise the roof.
- Meatwad, you need to shut it off.
- I'm sorry.
There, is that better? Can you still hear the song with the light off? - I mean that! - Oh, the boom box.
No, we ain't doing that.
Look here, I can't sleep.
I keep thinking about all those starving children.
You think about them 'cause you keep playing that song! Believe me, I know.
It's a vicious cycle.
I need therapy.
I think what you need is to shut up, or it's gonna be hell week all rolled up into one night all up in here! - Shake, I got this, okay? - I'm serious.
He'll die tonight, yo.
- Shake, I told you I got this.
- You're part of it! That voice sounds real familiar.
No.
This here's a new artist.
Sir Loin.
Listen to him.
He'll change your life.
That there is a song with a message, and that message is you need to think of the starving people who got to eat sand to survive.
Sand ain't got no nutrients.
I know, 'cause I eat it constantly.
I got zero energy, I cough all the time, my diet's bad, and Good night, Meatwad.
You can come on out now, Shake.
Here it is.
I was looking Now I can go cut that tree down in the back.
Breakfast time! I made your favorite.
Sand cakes.
You like those.
I thought we agreed to steer him back to real food.
I know, but it's so funny to watch him eat it.
- Yeah.
This is good.
- Wow, you got a bottle cap! - He's still doing it.
- Wait a sec.
If the Shorteez can't have food, then I ain't gonna have food you know what I'm saying? I do this for the Shorteez, y'all.
Take it to church, dump it in the collection plate.
You're the rudest person I know.
And that's why you don't live here anymore.
- Hey, my steak and eggs! - Steak and eggs? - This is for the Shorteez.
- All I got is oatmeal! We're on a budget.
What do you want me to do? - Thank you very much.
- I was going to eat that! Gee whiz, I'm so sorry to inconvenience you while other people in the world don't got nothing to eat.
Great.
Thanks for sanding up my eggs.
You know what? Just take them when you leave the country.
I banish you forevermore! Are you sure that this Sir Loin will take food that isn't prepackaged? He says he'd rather have it that way.
He says: Okay, Meatwad.
Okay.
I heard all that last night.
Just enjoy the hunger drive, all right? - Hey, Carl.
- Great.
You've seen me.
Do you want to contribute to Sir Loin's hunger drive? - He's gonna feed the Shorteez.
- Let me see here.
I think I got some oysters over here.
Thank you.
And be sure to thank Sir Loin for keeping me up all night.
Yeah, I'll do that.
I thought that oysters had shells.
No, usually, but not these.
They were farm raised in my throat with cheese.
You want some crabs? 'Cause I got some of them.
No, my bag's pretty full right now.
I don't know if they're Alaskan king, but they feel huge.
Can someone please explain to me what happened to my duckling à I'orange? - We had duckling à I'orange? - You don't know to say it, so stop.
Try it once.
No, forget it.
You know what? You'll try it and then you'll screw the name up and then it's gonna sound disgusting.
I won't even want to eat it anymore.
Thanks.
Thanks for ruining my lunch which is gone, by the way.
- Have you looked in the fridge? - Brainstorm! Alert the Internet! I got a genius on my hands.
Wait a minute, it's already open 'cause that's where I put it when it was shipped in from Alsace.
Try looking deep within your heart and ask it where it wanted that duck to go.
Down your throat, you bug-eyed freak! You know how much that duck cost? Higher than you can count! I'm sorry to say this, but Shake's right.
Charity is one thing, but this is getting way out of hand.
We don't have anything to eat now.
- I don't know about that - Don't say sand.
Come on, now.
It ain't that bad.
You just got to sort of ketchup it up.
- What do you got in that bag there? - Let's see.
A dead raccoon, dog doo and more dog doo-doo.
I doubt seriously that Sir Loin wants you to send in dog doo-doo.
The song goes: Exactly where does he want you to bring all this stuff? Maybe I should go down there with you, Meatwad.
You, too, Shake.
It's got a texture to it.
Sort of like grits, except Who am I kidding? This sucks.
Man, it stinks in here.
Oh, my God, look at this.
This is grossing me out.
I'm gonna Those are my steak and eggs.
Get the hell out of my way! Who that? Who are these people, man? - What's going on here? - Yo, what up, G? It's Mizzie-wazzuh.
Is you the little joker that's been bringing me sand? - Yep.
- Man, what you thinking? Are you the sandman or something? Come on, get it together, boy! - But it's for the Shorteez, you know? - It's for the EPA, is who it's for.
What? Who said that? You ain't supposed to bring people over here unless they dead.
- Is he dead? I don't think so.
- Just as I thought.
What? You don't thought nothing.
Not where I'm looking.
Here I am.
This is the real me, man.
Check it out.
See me dancing? Yeah, you see him dancing, don't you? MC Pee Pants! Not quite.
Man, I got that done at Kazeeko's! That's foam core.
That's expensive, man! - Come out here so we can see you.
- It's all down on the farm, baby.
Check me out, man.
I got a couple udders now.
- Oh, man, look at you! - What the hell happened to you? You tell me.
One minute I'm going in for a job interview the next minute, boom! I'm in hell.
Devil sent me back here in this lower life form.
- Said I got to earn my way up the ladder.
- What ladder? The hell ladder, you potato, cracker Which ladder you think, man? I live in hell.
That's where I live.
Okay.
All right, settle down.
It's all cools Okay, Frylock, let me talk to him, okay? I know rap.
Ask him what he's doing with all this garbage.
Wazzuh, wazzuh in the hizzie? Man, isn't it obvious, man? Can't you tell? - Tell him no.
- Shee I'm sorry.
I didn't realize I was speaking to a fool.
All right.
Let me break it down for you.
I'll go slow.
A fly is a little tiny insect.
It got wings.
- It flies around.
- All right.
- It goes - All right.
I know what a fly is, okay? I just want to be sure.
So these flies, they come here to eat this.
The more of this I have, the more of them I get.
But they don't eat like you and me, man.
No.
See, I got four stomachs.
How many you got? - I don't.
Why don't you get to the point? - I'm getting to the point! You in my house now! Yeah.
- So where were we? - The flies.
I know.
All right.
They spit on their food, right? They do that to eat.
And guess what they're spitting out.
Acid.
I'm thinking millions of flies all spitting at once.
Yeah, see what I'm thinking? Right? - I don't, but I'm sure it'll get you arrested.
- Not this time, my man! Don't you see, Frylock? He's gonna use all that fly spit to melt down the walls of the First National Bank.
- Exactly.
- He's angry at banks.
Hate the bank Stupid-ass meatball mother, I melt the walls so I can get the money.
So I can keep up with the payments on this here patio furniture which, by the way, is broken now, 'cause I broke it.
Thank you very much.
You ever see a cow sit on a patio furniture? I ain't.
Look at that umbrella, man.
I ate half of it.
Then your whole album was a lie.
It wasn't for the Shorteez at all.
It was for you.
If I don't come through with this, they'll take everything.
I know I shouldn't have rented furniture.
But I got expensive taste.
- You don't even have a patio, man.
- I know that now.
I think the lesson here is: Never rent furniture.
The interest is too high, the terms are unreasonable for something that you really didn't need.
Bitch, I need to sit! The farmer gets to sit.
Saying, "Give me the milk".
I'm gonna take that stool away from that farmer.
Stick it right up his ass.
Tired of that farmer.
There isn't a farmer, is there? I can't fill the hole in my life with stuff.
My heart's playing tricks on me, man! Look, we're gonna fix all that, okay? You go in there and get yourself a low-interest loan with reasonable terms, so you can get that debt under control.
- That says "bank"? - Yes, it does.
- You know I got trouble with words, man.
- Yeah.
When it comes to rapping, I got it, but when it's books and science and closed captioning, I'm at a loss.
Now go on up the loan chute.
After I get this, I'm gonna get my GED and turn my life around.
Okay.
See you later.
- Hey, man.
- That's good.
Let's go.
Wait a minute, man, this ain't no bank! Oh, God! I feel like a fool.
I ain't never again gonna do what no stupid rap musician gonna tell me what to do.
That's a good idea, Meatwad.
From now on, it's only heavy metal bands that are gonna boss me around.
Them people speak the truth.
They got this six-story skeleton named Eddie and he, like, opens his mouth all crazy fang-like.
He's crazy as hell.
And that's why you've got the eye makeup on, right? This here is my demon face.
You see, I'm Satan's onion.
- Scallion.
- Minion? No, not that.
- Why the CB radio? - For contacting the devil.
Satan, you got your ears on? Come on, under.
Over.
Roger.
10-4, good buddy.
You got Beelzebub on the down low.
Come back.
- Hey, Satan, my man! What's up, man? - Shut up! I'm on the phone here.