Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Diet

You guys order fifty million pizzas? Yes, but by my count, you are 1.
3 seconds late.
Oh, man.
That means they're free Yes, it does.
And you are free to go.
Leave the pie.
Hang on.
I got to call my mana Aah! My hands! Good luck, pizza man.
My name is Shake-Zula The mike ruler, the old-schooler You want to trip, I'll bring it to ya Frylock and I'm on top, rock you like a cop Meatwad, you're up next with your knock-knock Meatwad make the money, see Meatwad get the honeys, G Drivin' in my car, livin' like a star Ice on my fingers and my toes And I'm a Taurus Uh, check-check it, yeah 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homeys say ho and the girlies want to scream 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homeys say ho and the girlies want to scream Aqua Teen Hunger Force Number one in the hood, G.
- Man, what smells so funny? - You farted.
We got us a big old gas leak, don't we? Yeah, from your butt, that you farted out.
You got a paper mill in your butt making stationery down there.
- It's natural gas, Shake.
- Natural from his ass.
Uh-uh, he who smelt it dealt it.
Yeah, that's right, Frylock.
Fox smells his own hole.
What the hell is that? I thought you'd never ask.
Behold the power of the games! - See? - See what? Now we can host the Olympics, fool! - No.
No! - Come on, man! Where did you get those? Those are awesome! Hey, is this here the Olympics? Yes.
They will be viewed from space creating a shape of a black child's hand petting a dove.
In the spirit of you know.
- Light it up.
- No, Shake! Yes, Frylock! What a whopping way to it up.
You know, I was this close to landing a huge deal with Sprite.
And you totally blew it for me.
All right.
Now, somebody from the city should be here any minute to take care of all this.
Oh, right.
The city.
Yeah, well, that brain trust seem to have no use for my plans.
Oh, yeah? And what was your plan? My plan? I will plans just go in the details that I don't need to know because they're all crap.
I'm talking about vision, that I have with my eyes.
All right.
Here comes the truck.
Now, they're gonna want to know who did this.
And since you seem to be so proud of it I may seem that way, but I'm not here.
Dusty, what's your 20? Who are you guys? Thank you, God! Thank you, God! Go back in your house, Carl.
You don't know what's going on out here.
What seems to be the trouble here, little lady? It smells funny here.
Shake says I got a paper mill coming out my butt and that I smell like Louisiana.
Come on.
Why would you say that to this lady with the big boobs? You don't have an income like I do and you never even ridden in my amazing rocket car.
You have a rocket car? Yeah, if I get bored, uh, maybe I'll, uh bench-press it for you.
You're, uh, you're friggin', uh, Dusty Gozongas! I seen your billboard on the interstate! You dance out at the, uh, Wild Wild Chest! No, you thinking that girl down at Fun-Bag Dirk's and that's Busty Bazookas.
I think you're talking about Nipple Hut.
You're thinking Crotch Town.
- Crotch Town? - Crotch Town? Yeah, it's near Boobburg, but Boobburg eh, kinda weak.
Dusty, what's your 20? - What is my name? - You're Dusty Gozongas.
That's my name! Ha.
I friggin' knew it! I had you pegged! Wild Wild Chest, right? Yeah, I freelance there sometimes.
That's how I got this job.
I'm good at working.
Look, my mom just sent me $80.
Can I sign a check over to you? Excuse me for breaking this up but I think she's here to fix this gas main.
What? Oh, I don't know how to do that.
Well, look, I thought you don't work for the city? Why? Does it say that somewhere? On your sh shirt.
Yes, then I work for the city.
Well, then, fix the damn main, please.
Show us your boobs.
Come on.
You guys are cute.
Where are you from? Right there.
That house.
That's where I'm from.
That's exciting.
- Yeah.
It is.
- It is.
Carl, give me some money.
This is bull I know.
What is this? Drop your drawers.
I don't know how to fix anything.
Oh, don't get so down on yourself.
You're, uh can you get down on yourself? You're cute! Will you stop prancing around? This is a family neighborhood.
We're a family.
Keep dancing.
Now, do you need to call your supervisor or do you want me to do it for you? OK.
Let me get my phone thingy.
I, uh, might need someone to help me - Me! - Me! - No.
Get back.
- Aww, Frylock! Fry man! Come on, man.
Hello? Anyone out there? Is this on? Hello? Wilco Roger.
This isn't working.
Maybe you should use the walkie-talkie.
Hey, what are we doing here? You know, I got a phone up in my bedroom.
Come on.
I won't lock you in.
Come on, please.
Follow me.
Carl, go inside.
Why? You don't like wom What are all these numbers doing on my house? The award platform.
That's where the athletes get the medals.
Hey, you hear that, Dusty? We're having the Olympics here! Come on in with me.
Let me show you where the pole vault competition is.
Ha ha ha ha.
I'm so I'm so lonely.
No, you have to go.
I have to go now.
Job over.
Over and out.
Now, call us if you need anything, and I mean anything.
Oh, yeah, I need to get your wrench number.
What is that number, anyway, huh? That's funny.
You're funny.
Well, everybody see that? - I just got laid.
- You didn't get laid.
Well, how would you know? I I don't.
So, uh, we really getting the Olympics or - Carl, what do you think? - Yes? No.
Is this latex or oil-based? Manure.
Horse manure, to be specific.
All right.
Yeah, I need you to send someone out What? What? Hang on.
All right.
What I need you to do is get off your duff and get Dusty Gozongas over to my house today.
Because I just chain sawed my chair to 100 pieces! Got to be related to water, sewage or electricity, huh? Can you hold on a second? OK.
The power just went out.
Hello? Hello? What just happened to the power? - I don't know.
- You don't know? What do you think happened to it? All right, Shake, what? You expect me to believe that the chain saw just sprouted legs and cut through the transformer all by itself? Would you do do you believe that? Hello? Uh, yeah, we have a problem with our power line Tell him about the chain saw that sprouted legs.
Make sure we get the X-Files here.
- Did you get all that? - Hang on.
Send Dusty Gozongas over here immediately! Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Tell her I love her but that I'm a man and I gotta be free so she's got to be responsible for birth control.
Daddy's getting some poo-ding tonight! She's here! She'll be propelled by her own sex drive but tell her to follow the rose petals.
Hang on.
Just just one second.
Put this in there.
Make her scared of it.
OK, shut up.
Now, remember, I got no battery in this thing so you got to get the money shot.
I already been laid before.
I know how it works.
This is for you and everyone on the internet.
Remember, your job is education.
I know, I know.
You're the laymaster.
Come on in, lover.
Oh, I'm just in here, you know, wearing a mask and tickling myself with an ostrich feather.
Ha ha ho! Uh Your power's back on.
Hey, can I have one of those strawberries? No! Get out of here! Ohh, did you just get laid? How'd it go down? Tell it from the beginning.
Meatwad, please.
I don't kiss and tell.
Frylock, she was here and I got laid again! Well, that's funny.
I just saw Dusty go into Carl's house.
No! Oh, thank you so much for coming over.
See, I can't get the lights to go on in here.
- It could be broken.
- Maybe it is.
I think it's broken.
Well, this there's this thing here but, you know, I don't know what this is.
It could be related.
Oh, that's definitely a switchy a switch.
You think that this switch, as you call it is somehow related to my light problem? Oh, definitely not.
Well, it could be.
I think you're right.
We could try it! Oh, you should try.
You're so much better you know, than I am at this.
Here goes.
Hey, look at that! You're a TV star! Hey, can I get you something? You want to, uh, funnel some liquor? You tramp! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Easy.
This is a lady here.
You want me to go up with it, baby? OK.
There we go.
Carl, you've got to know when to face facts, brother.
Read the signs.
She ain't into you.
She's at my house, so, uh, do the math.
She may be in your house but I'm the one wearing your thong and I also got your ostrich feather.
Oh, guys, don't fight over me.
Baby, I would fight the Kiss Army for you.
I'm in Kiss! No touching.
- Aah! - Aah! Gah! Oh, God, that stings! That hurts! Okey-dokey, I finished the job.
Over and out, Roger Wilco.
Where you going? Don't go! Don't go! I got to tell you, frickin' cute when she tries to talk into that wrench you know, like's she's gonna lick it or do something erotic to it.
Yeah, I'll miss that about her.
Who are you guys? This pole is malfunctioning.
Perhaps if you were to dance around it.
All these lights.
Is this Pennsylvania? Yes.
I've never been to Pennsylvania.
I can't believe it.
Y'all let a silly woman get between you and your friendship.
Especially one that doesn't even know who you are.
It's disgusting, isn't it? Breaks my heart that I have to sue his ass back to the stone age.
I'm right here, Shake.
You want to go right now? - We'll go right now.
- Come on, fat boy! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Break it up, guys and listen to me.
Love's a wondrous thing, but there's more to it than the physical experience, like like oh, hell, I don't know.
She had some tig ol' bitties, didn't she? - Yeah, she did.
- Amen to that.
Is it working yet? It still needs more, hmm, maintenance.
Perhaps if you were to thrust into it.
Or crawl around it on all fours like an animal.
But you come and get me like like I've been bad, but you need to look at me.
- Is that Pennsylvania? - Yes.