Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Dickisode

My name is Shake Zula the Mike Ruler the Old-Schooler you want to trip I'll bring it to ya Frylock, and I'm on top rock you like a cop Meatwad, you're up next with your knock-knock Meatwad make the money, see Meatwad get the honeys, g drivin' in my car livin' like a star ice on my fingers and my toes and I'm a Taurus uh, check-check it, yeah 'cause we are the Aqua Teens make the homeys say ho and the girlies want to scream 'cause we are the Aqua Teens make the homeys say ho and the girlies want to scream Aqua Teen Hunger Force number one in the 'hood, g รข?S Come on back.
Ok.
Step.
There's a step.
I'm losing my grip here.
Step down.
Where do you want it, where do you want it, where do you want it? Th-there.
Whew! Was that thing heavy? Damn it, Shake! Did you have to order the supersized trough? Hydration is essential.
[slurp] Ahh.
So good.
[slurp] And I need 85 [slurping] Gallons of soda per day, and plus [slurp] [slurp] It comes with an edible hand truck.
The tires are chocolate.
Hey, y'all.
Look at this.
"Just rip it and win.
" Oh.
What did you win, Meatwad? fries! All right! You see, they fill the fries with wasabi sauce I know, Meatwad.
I know.
I saw the ad, too.
and they good.
Yeah.
I'm sure they're not.
Do yours.
Rip it and win.
[groaning] wasabi fries! You see, they fill the french fry up with wasabi sauce.
Yeah.
We know, ok? We know.
See what you win, Carl.
uh, "Tonight you will get your dick ripped off.
" That doesn't sound right, does it? Here.
Read this.
"Tonight you will get your dick ripped off.
" Is that a prize? Uh, you might want to check with the manager on this, Carl.
No, no, no! Don't do that.
Can't you read? He's the guy that rips it off.
Just grab the bottom of the cup, rip it, and win.
Prizes include a new car or a discount on teriyaki fries.
At wong burger, when it's right, it's wong.
Some customers may get their dicks ripped off.
Right there, right there.
Did you hear that? Oh, yeah.
About them teriyaki fries? No, no, no, no, no.
The--the--the--the la--the last part, the low, fast part.
Rewind.
Go back.
We ain't got no tivo, so that was live, Carl.
But we can still go back through the power of imagination.
I like the way you're thinking.
Go get the puppets.
Ok.
All right.
Let's go.
Roll it.
Just grab the bottom of the cup, rip it, and win.
Prizes include a new car or a discount on teriyaki fries.
At wong burger, when it's right, it's wong.
Some customers may get their dicks ripped off.
I frickin' knew he said that! I knew he said that! What? About the teriyaki fries? [car horn honking] Oh, my--Carl, hide.
I ain't hidin' from nobody.
Who is it? [knock on door] I don't know, but they got sharp hooks and long necklaces made out of dicks.
Uh, ok.
Just to be safe, I'm--i'm gonna hide down here.
Carl, in here.
No one won't never look in here.
Don't no one never want to get near here.
You, uh, you sure about this? Oh, just do it.
Aah! Whoops! My bad.
I told y'all this closet's not to be opened.
It is a horrible, horrible place in there.
Well, there's knob there.
Why do you think I put the sign there? You think I was being cute? I don't know.
Ding-dong the dick is dead, Carl! Oh.
I'm gonna go in--i'm in this cabinet.
Ahem.
Can I help you? Yes, you can! [asian music playing] Uh, you're from wong's, aren't you? Yes, I am.
So who's gonna get their dick ripped off tonight? Well, he ain't here.
Who's not here? Carl, the guy that it ain't happening to.
So someone won.
I don't even know what you're talking about.
Nobody won anything here.
Mind if I look around? [crash] Yes, I do mind.
Oh.
Scratch off and win.
Every cup's a winner! your dick ripped off.
Dude, look.
You're wasting your time because no one won that.
Oh.
Well, that's not what he said.
Who won it, little man? 'Cause someone's dick is coming with me tonight! Next door and shut up! shake! I'm trying to watch this show.
Will you shut the hell up? God! Good-bye.
Carl, come on out.
are they gone? Yeah.
To your house.
They're gonna turn it inside out, Carl, until he gets ahold of your dick.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey! He's over here! Where'd you go? Would you shut up? Apparently, Carl, when you bought that medium drink, you entered a binding contract.
It enables them to rip off your dick.
Oh, no! Yeah.
And there's really nothing I can do about it.
[cell phone ringing] Hello? Did you get the dick yet? We're working on it, Mr.
Wong Burger.
Finally tonight, I will have enough dicks to complete the dickship and return to dick planet.
Yes, Mr.
Wong Burger.
How we gonna get out of this, fry man? Well, I have an idea, but it's not very good.
Those dicks, will you, please, somebody stack them better? The dicks won't hold together, Mr.
Wong Burger! We're gonna have to wrap these dicks with something, maybe with a--a dick.
Are you telling me that I don't know dick? If anyone knows how to build a ship out of dicks, it is me! Yes, Mr.
Wong Burger.
because I am king dick! We're missing a dick for the nose cone! The dick ship will never hold together.
What's taking them so long? He entered a binding legal contract the moment he took a sip.
You don't think they're Dicking around over there, do you? I doubt it.
They're professional dick hunters.
They crave dick, as we all do.
you can get up now, Carl.
I think we're done.
Oh, man.
Feel all right? Where'd you get these painkillers? They're awesome.
Yeah.
Maybe you should just, like, use pills forever.
Yeah.
You're right.
This was a, uh, very bad idea.
Hey, Carlina, wow! Oh.
I get it.
Yeah.
You put me under, dressed me like a woman, took pictures of me.
Laugh's on me, huh? Well, no, Carl.
See--heh--uh, you're not just dressed like a woman.
Oh, do go on, please.
Well, it's pretty simple really.
I removed your dick so no one will have no need to remove it.
So the giant blood stain is, uh--what is that, me having my period, I guess? Heh heh! It could be, or it could be just the spot where I snipped your dick off.
You're taking this pretty good, Carl.
Kudos.
Seems like this whole thing kind of defeats the purpose, you know? Yep.
And what I just did was a very bad idea.
You think, uh, maybe I could, uh, have my dick back? Oh, wait.
You know what? Maybe you should keep my dick so you could, uh, hump yourself! Technically, that would not be, uh, doing yourself, just for the record.
Hey, Carl.
Look at that.
You can still pick your dick out of the garbage.
Is that it? Is that mine? Of course it is.
It's got that curve to the left.
No, no, no! Why'd you let them take it? Hang on, hang on, hang on.
I have a better plan.
Meatwad, you got a big dick, right? Oh, yeah.
Huge, but I need it for tonight.
But it's detachable, so that helps us.
No! No way I'm having a dick made of hamburger.
I'm not giving it to you.
Good because I don't need it because I'm huge between the legs! Who wants to see my dick? [grease squishing] see? Dick Nixon.
Old Tricky Dick.
I have another idea.
All the dicks are polished, sir.
Probably needs just a couple more dick rotors, maybe a dick wheel or two.
Yes, Mr.
Wong Burger! and, uh, do we have to fuel it up with some dicks? Yes.
We got a full tank of dicks.
Full tank.
Good, good, good.
Wall-to-wall dick carpeting? Yes.
You've mentioned that, Mr.
Wong Burger.
Agh! Dicks! Everywhere I turn, it's dicks! Intruders! Stop them! Close the dick gate! What are you doing touching my dicks? You can't just run around, ripping off people's dicks to make a giant dickship.
I have an advanced degree in dicknology! You're a madman, Wong Burger! This ship will never fly.
Well, how else am I supposed to get home? Call someone to pick you up.
I will.
Hey.
Hey.
You don't know which one of these is Carl's.
It don't matter.
Just get one.
You grab one.
I'm not touching those dicks.
Hopefully, the swelling in your chest should go down once the testosterone fully circulates around your body.
Ohh.
What about my voice? Oh.
I added a third testicle to speed up the process.
I'll have to cut it out later.
Otherwise, you'd just go insane with rage.
Whoa! Check it out! Somebody's suing Wong Burger! Wong Burger could not be reached for comment as he left the press conference in a giant spaceship made of dicks, which crashed into a building made of dicks.
Apparently that's what the building was made of, if you've ever seen it from the interstate.
Clearly, the act of a total Total, uh--you know, a total, Uh Uh, what's the word I'm looking for here? UhUh Total, uh While you guys are busy wasting, I found a perfectly good hot dog in the trash sitting right on top of two soggy walnuts.
Mm.
Still in the wrapper.
I mean, there's hair on them, but, hey, a little brush off.
Delicious.
Mm.
This tastes like blood.
Wow! This hot dog.
I think the gum is blood flavored.
Wait.
Yeah.
Definitely blood flavored.