Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Moonajuana

My name is Shake-Zula The Mike Ruler The Old Schooler You want to trip? I'll bring it to ya.
Frylock and I'm on top rock you like a cop Meatwad, you're up next with your knock-knock.
Meatwad make the money see? Meatwad get the honeys, g.
Driving in my car living like a star ice on my fingers and my toes and I'm a Taurus.
Uh, check-check it, yeah.
'Cause we are the Aqua Teens make the homeys say ho and the girlies want to scream.
'Cause we are the Aqua Teens make the homeys say ho and the girlies want to scream Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
Number One in the hood, g.
Oh! Hey! I have bad Glaucoma.
So? Go to the doctor.
I--I did.
He said you should grow me some pot.
Marijuana? Whatever the kids are calling it these days, yeah, sure.
He just gave me these seeds At the Rat-Dog show.
Shake, Marijuana is illegal.
I won't tell on you.
We're roomies, man.
But if you don't grow it, I'm gonna tell on you.
That doesn't make any sense.
Yeah, it does.
Well, we have vast fields and amber waves of Marijuana on the moon.
it's called Moonajuana, boy! [bleep] will [bleep] you up.
I'm on it right now.
And he loves it.
See?! These guys got it! And they're not even afflicted with my crippling Glaucoma! We have something worse.
Butt Cancer.
Butt Crack Cancer.
And yeast infections.
Yes! Yeast unleashed in the East.
Check it! Those aren't diseases.
Not any more, Fry Man.
The Moonajuana scared it out of existence.
We have other diseases we need to prevent.
That's correct.
So, you know Still got to smoke.
Aw, come on, Frylock.
Please?! You gonna just sit there and let the diseases come to us?! Or are you gonna be cool and let us smoke some sweet Mary Jane? Moony Jane.
Yeah, Mooning Jane.
You can do what you want As long as you keep it away from me and Meatwad.
I don't need that junk corrupting my mind.
I need all my energy For Crack Cocaine.
Meatwad! Ha ha ha.
That's what I'm into! Hard-core Crack.
That's why my teeth are so bad.
Well done.
We are thought of highly by those without jobs.
Oh, well, don't be surprised if I call the cops on your ass.
Fry Man, we have hidden 4 grams of Cocaine in your room.
We did? No, we didn't do that, err, but we would.
And we will tell that pigs that when they arrive.
Do the thing.
The pigs will never find us.
For we are thin lines of deception.
Deceptornominon.
Err, no.
Other way.
Deceptonoidus.
Turn this way.
Oh.
No, other way, third-- dude, I know how to do it.
I'm on it.
Hey, weren't we gonna fix my Guacamole? Follow me, hippies.
We are the Dope Men.
Because we wear corduroy.
How do-- how do I smoke this? Dude, it's so cool.
Tell them, err.
Ok, man, see See this bong.
This is a bong.
And here's how you hit it.
Lower the Moon Bong.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it's Moonajuana time.
Then we shall stoke the flame with Moonajuana.
Dang.
That looked like a big old tire.
Moonajuana grows in the shape of a tire.
Any dealer will tell you that.
So, burn! Burn the flame! Stand by to revisit the stone age.
Yeah.
The Stoned Age! Ow! Light it up.
I'm going head-first in this bitch.
Like hell you are.
I'm the one riddled with diseases.
Well, I need it, too, 'cause I got the disease.
And I need medication.
Ok.
Hey.
You guys want to hit this? No, thank you.
That's a poisonous tire.
What? I mean, we're already very high.
[coughing] This is great.
Whoa! I'm flying, man.
Yeah.
Oh, that feels good.
Yeah.
Don't Don't exhale so fast.
[coughs] You gotta hold it in, like the pros.
[coughing] Oh, I just did.
That's good stuff.
Oh, come on, man! You're wasting the T.
L.
C.
The T.
C.
B.
You know, that's the chemical that unlocks the [sniffs] Hey, where's the carb on this thing? We don't know.
It's up your butt, dude.
Oh, here it is.
Up my butt.
Thanks.
Thanks, guys.
Ooh, boy! What is that, your Colon? Get that out of your mouth.
That's gross.
You don't know where that's been.
What?! I know.
I know exactly where it's been, man.
Ha ha ha ha.
Hi.
I'm high.
Ha ha ha ha.
You get it, Shake? This is awesome.
You know what we need to do? We gotta get some instruments, take lessons, and learn to play them.
And then we're gonna have the hottest jam of "comfortably numb" that anyone has ever heard in their life! Well, we--we can do a jam.
You can jam on me with that log.
I ain't feelin' nothing.
Go ahead and hit me with it.
Yeah! Listen to that beat! Yeah, that's good.
You getting it good.
Turn that beat around.
[clicking] This could go on for a very long time.
[latin beat emerges] I'm beatin' Meat! Hey, did everybody hear my joke? Ha ha ha ha.
Hey, this is called "something to order--a whole loaf of bread.
" Hey, you-- hey, you know what? Let's live forever.
Whoa.
And now we burgle.
Can you grab the other end of-- oh, hey, man.
Uh, you're gonna have to pay for that.
It's cool.
Yeah, it's cool.
No, it isn't.
Oh, it's not? Well, we thought it was.
No, you're gonna pay for that window or I'm calling the cops.
Easy, brother.
Don't harsh my buzz.
[dialing phone] No, man.
Don't do that.
Operator, can I get the police, please? We'll leave you be, fair brother.
Ok, hand me that hose.
[hissing] Ha ha ha.
Ok, start pushing it in there.
[coughing] I'm getting some back draft or something, man.
The red one sucks.
[knocking] Fry Man, we made you this.
Check it out.
It's a nature necklace.
It's coated with urine.
That we made drinking from a pure mountain stream.
Organic.
Bro-han, let us put our differences aside and throw down mighty.
Oh, like them? Oh, they're just getting jiggy with it.
We rule Hollywood.
No, thanks.
Come on, man.
Don't be a nerd.
Yeah, come on, man.
Rock out with us, man.
Come on and go ? Rock ? outside, out here, in nature.
Rock 'n' Roll! Away from your possessions which are worth things.
Uh-huh.
So, that's your plan this time, right? Get me so high so you can take all my stuff.
No, man.
Where is the trust these days? Fat Man, do you desire the herb? No, no, no.
I'm not a druggy.
I don't buy that stuff.
I mean, I'll do it if somebody, like, passes it to me, or whatever.
Like that time I saw Styx at the garden with the big Mr.
Roboto.
Oh, man! I got so arrested that night.
Why, you got some? No.
But he has a lot of it.
Hey, Fry Man! What's going on, man? Nothing.
All of this is ours! I don't see anything I want, err.
Yeah, me neither.
Burn it to the ground so others may not have it either.
This dude back where I worked at a styrofoam peanut factory, like, he converted the toilet into, like, a bong.
And you just sort of put your face over the seat.
It was pretty bad-ass! I went in there.
Someone had used the number two.
So, I fish it out, load it up.
You gotta do something to get through that shift.
Later on when I became an adult, I was thinking, you know, that's gross.
But, man, that-- that bathroom was so awesome in high school.
So, what's this, like a big hookah or something? Sure.
Just put your head under that dome.
We're gonna get high tonight.
Put in some Styx.
Like "Paradise Theater.
" Uh, no! "Kilroy was here!" [coughing] You got that digital remastered you guys find what you needed? Yes, we did.
Thanks for asking.
Come on, man.
You sure you don't want to hit that? Any classic Styx.
I'm sure.
Or the Dennis DeYoung solo album--"Desert Moon.
" You got that? Can we come in? Play with your things? No.
Harsh.
Why do you guys always come down here and mess with us? There's, like, 50 billion people on this planet.
There are? Since when? Long time.
How long? Very long.
Why don't you invite us in and teach us.
We didn't have fathers growing up.
You didn't have a father? No! Wow.
I mean, that's Actually kind of sad.
I never learned how to steal or fight or drink the right way.
My dad left home when I was 3.
Told my mom he couldn't take it, it meaning me.
And he was the alcoholic.
Moonaholic.
Whatever.
I mean, dependent on Moonohol.
And then one day, man, my mom, she drops me off at summer camp, and she says, "see you later-- forever.
" And she just drives off.
I--ever since then, man, I've just been depressed.
Everything I do is for attention.
That's why I steal.
I mean, look at this.
I stole this.
What am I gonna do with this? I just really just--you know, I just miss my dad And I don't know where my mom went.
And Man No one really wants to be around.
And that's what makes me cry.
[whimpering] Well, if you want attention, I could maybe Suggest you, go to L.
A.
, try to be a movie star.
It's easy to do.
We know that.
We've been there.
And we will.
[coughing] When does the get high part start? Shh, shh! Here it comes, here it comes.
This is his scene.
That's not him at all.
That is totally him! He was clean-shaven, ok? Oh, you just got lost in his character here.
Run! Get out of there, man! Run.
Run.
This guy is bad news.
This where I go to kill them gay prostitutes? Oh, man.
Don't say yes.
Don't say yes.
Dude, don't do it.
Yes.
Oh! Damn it! Man! F-finger puppets f-f-f-finger puppets f-finger puppets f-f-f-f-finger puppets f-f-finger puppets