Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Time Machine

My name is Shake-zula, the Mic Ruler The old schooler You want to trip? l'll bring it to you Frylock, and l'm on top, rock you like a cop Meatwad, you're up next with your knock-knock Meatwad make the money, see? Meatwad get the honeys, ''G'' Drivin' in my car, livin' like a star lce on my fingers and my toes, and l'm a Taurus 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homies say ''ho!'' And the girlies wanna scream 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homies say ''ho!'' and the girlies wanna scream Aqua Teen Hunger Force Number one in the hood, ''G'' You sure are working hard, ain't you? Boy that's neat.
Touch it.
What you making? lt's a pod that transfers streaming matter across a temporal plane.
So What do it do? lt diffuses infusion of matter into a liquid that can be interplaced within the same space, but at a different time.
Alright that makes sense.
Yeah, sure.
But just to clarify, it do what now? Damn it! lt's a time machine, alright! lt's a damn time machine, Meatwad! Now you-- you don't need to talk to me like that.
You don't raise your voice at me like that.
Look Meatwad, okay l'm sorry.
l'm a little tired.
l know what a time machine is okay, it's just like a cotton candy machine.
Or instead of cotton candy, it plays karaoke like a karaoke machine, which is my favorite machine.
Do it got Men Without Hats ''S-S-S! A-A-A, E-E-E-E T'' How do you spell safety? You can fart if you wanna You can fart out your behind You can fart real cool And make your butt blue With the gas that's inside of you You can fart, you can fart Everybody look at the butt Fa-a-art.
lt's the safety fart Well it's the safety faaart - That's real mature, Shake.
- Ow.
Thank you very much.
Hey, what's this knob do on this thing that l, ah, don't know what it does.
No no no Shake! Yes yes yes, Frylock.
Damn it, that's three years of my life right there down the drain.
Where did Shake go? The year 8008.
The planet is a shriveled raisin where no life exists, save a race of giant, irradiated cockroaches who roam the cracked Earth in total darkness, searching for a past they could never understand.
Damn, that sucks.
Wow! Hey, Carl, come here and read this.
l think you're gonna like what you see.
Ha ha that's funny.
Go ahead and hand me the phone so l can call the police.
Okay l'll do that right away.
Alright l will get this back to you and l'll catch you on the flip.
Shake, you're back! Yes, l am back from the Boob dimension and there was much to see.
And many chairs were made available to me free of charge upon my arrival.
But l tire from my journey.
You'll excuse me.
No, no, no! Wait wait! Tell me, was it total darkness? Yeah l guess.
Did you bring back a sample, a plant, a flower, something? Ah huh sure.
What sure? Whatever.
What what the hell do you mean, ''sure man''? Tell me, were there giant cockroaches? Huge, man.
Big ones.
Big ones? Big as your face.
- What? - Mountains.
Wait, a race of large breasted female -- Female cockroaches? Yeah.
And free chairs too.
So step off.
We need to test you for sulfur deposit, publish the findings.
l mean this is an incredible historic achievement.
Yes for me.
Look as a wise Fonzie once said to Potsie, l'm tired and l'm ready for TV.
Hey wait a minute.
This says 7734.
lt's hell upside down.
The goal was to make it say ''turd,'' but, ah, l think it still works.
But then that means.
That we've been living in the year 7734.
Or maybe my machine doesn't work.
Oh good.
But that's impossible! l'm a genius! l think he wants us to leave the room! Cheese in the room?! i think hew wants Oh okay! as u wish of course lf you want to spoon with me, all you have to do is ask.
And l will say no with the business end of my expensive shotgun.
l'm not finding any carbon dated material.
You want to date me now? Get off my jock! Are you sure you traveled to the future? You saw it, l did it.
l'm exhausted with your constant questioning, okay? lf you want to see the future just go there.
l'm scared, okay.
Look it's all right.
You are a pussy.
l am not a pussy.
Yes, that's exactly what you are.
And l am an iron butted warrior.
Look l don't care what you say, alright.
l'm not going to try out a dangerous peace of scientific equipment without at least running a set of trials on lab mice or something.
Cause you're a pussy.
That tears it.
Turn it on! Shall l set it to boob? Light it up to 8009.
Where did he go? Uh, probably Carl's, just like l did.
Hey, l'm from the past.
l brought a microphone so you can tell a little bit about yourself, say something, or-or -- Meat! Oh god no.
Stay away from me! Don't touch me! Leave me alone! You can stop crying like a child now.
You're back home.
Oh god, thank you.
ln your wuss cave.
How were them big ass cockroaches? Was them smart like me? Oh they-they -- yes.
They were exactly as l-l-l have said.
We, uh, we exchanged much knowledge and, uh, they-they-they made me their leader.
Really? lnteresting that l was their leader when l was there.
Yeah about that.
Ah they impeached you.
Did you a pick up one of the free chairs? Well l decided not to.
Hmm interesting.
Sent the wrong impression that l was lazy.
Okay alright.
Uh, whatever.
l might take it for another spin.
Reinstate my cabinet.
Maybe even pick up a matching love seat.
- Well be my guest.
- Well l am.
Well go on.
Well stop talking so l can get in there.
Do it then.
Then l'll go.
Well, cockroach men are fine.
l'm the ruler again.
We had a special election l didn't want to do it but they insisted.
And then on top of it l was given this lamp, and these sweat pants.
Well that looks like that authentic G-man super bowl lamp that Carl owns.
Well, it is not.
And them look like Carl's sweat pants.
- Well they're not.
- Well yeah they is.
The cockroach men like to work out.
ls that a crime? You want to go kill them now because they like to work out? Ah l guess not.
Wait a minute.
Nothing happened, Shake? Not one of them shrieked out the word ''meat'' and came at you? Oh, did they do that to you? No, no, no! Hell, no! Of course not.
Not to me.
l mean they revere me with great esteem and respect.
You know what, you should drop in on them.
Maybe l will.
Just tell them hi see what's going on.
They miss you a lot.
Yeah maybe l will.
Maybe l'll bring one of them back with me even.
Yeah you do that, cause l'd like to see that.
Okay l am.
- Ow my head.
- Carl? l want these books out of here now.
This is my room now.
Well why don't you just bring back some cockroach men from the future to move your damn books for you? Are you saying that l didn't meet them? Are are you prepared to say that in a court of law? What l said was l ain't moving your damn books.
Well l found another hole in your case.
Cause those are Frylock's books.
And they must be plowed under, because this is the future home of my Spiderman bean bag.
Frylock ain't gonna like that, l tell you.
Frylock ain't gonna be around to bitch about it.
Mmm grape soda from the future.
Damn it there's grape soda all over the controls, we've been sabotaged! Were are my G-man fan of the century pants? What is that? What is that sound? Ah hell.
There gonna rip open this pod and eat us if we don't do something, Carl.
l'll press the freaking button go back to Earth, dummy.
lt doesn't work like that.
lt diffuses the infusion of matter into a liqui lt releases my bowels into my boxer shorts so please press the freaking button and let's leave.
The button's outside.
Well good call.
Good call.
Well at least we got an l-pod dock.
See that rock over there, Carl.
Get it and bash their skulls in.
Yeah and then l will have lured them over there.
Good idea, Carl.
Good luck, dummy.
no, carl, wait! No stay away from me.
Don't touch me! Leave me alone.
Stay away! Put down the rock.
Put down the rock.
lt's all cool here.
This rock is really light.
'Cause we're in space and, uh, it's lighter out here.
Hey wait a minute, this is a speaker.
Ah the space wind must be over, thank god.
But this is Earth, man.
The year 8009.
Yeah, well, you know Earth is in space Meat! Meat! What the hell is going on here? Dude he's not buying this.
Okay, um, bear with me here.
We are from the year 8009.
We found your machine in a cyber-fill at the turn of the octo-millennium.
Octo-millennium is a good word, isn't it? But in order for us to find it, you will have to decide not to patent it and throw it away.
So we came to the present in your machine to make sure that happens.
Well l probably will throw it away 'cause the machine doesn't work.
lt doesn't? lt doesn't go back or forward in time.
Ah, shoot.
For whatever reason it only goes to Carl's house.
Well ah l know that.
That's why we dressed Carl's living room to look like planet Earth 8009.
No but what he's saying is how did we get here.
l said that.
The machine.
Yeah but the machine doesn't work.
Ha ha ah impossible.
lt doesn't work, man.
Then were did we get these? They light up.
They do.
They light up look at them.
See they run off a 9 volt.
Hell you can get those on the internet man.
See l did, l was gonna put them on to celebrate but you just kept yelling ''meat'' at me.
l still don't understand because if we came from planet Earth 8009 as l had heard someone said.
Yeah, l had heard that too.
Then it's pretty clear to me we traveled back in time.
Well here's a thought.
Maybe you're not from the year 8009.
No no, no no, no.
We're from there.
l mean we live there.
He's right man.
Every day.
We're totally there.
Earth 8009.
We've made it home! Hooray.
They're how big? They huge.
Yeah they're like 9-10 feet, give or take.
Just don't get trapped into a conversation with them.
Oh, they talk? Oh god.
Ha, a lot.
They got mouths and make noises, like words.
Can l ask how much this little comedy act's costing? Look, hey! l found a stove! There's like, three chairs in here.
Yeah, let's go ahead and paint the target.
Do you have any relatives in the area, someone you could stay with for a couple of months? This here's my cousin, by marriage.
Dancing if forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden Dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden