Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Der Inflatable Fuhrer

My name is Shake-zula, the mic ruler The old schooler You want to trip? l'll bring it to you Frylock, and l'm on top, rock you like a cop Meatwad, you're up next with your knock-knock Meatwad make the money, see? Meatwad get the honeys, ''G'' Drivin' in my car, livin' like a star lce on my fingers and my toes, and l'm a Taurus Unh, check, check it, yeah 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homies say ''ho!'' and the girlies wanna scream 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homies say ''ho!'' and the girlies wanna scream Aqua Teen Hunger Force Number one in the hood, ''G'' Hey, the remote won't work.
[ pounding on door ] The remote isn't working! [ continues pounding ] This remote doesn't work.
FRYLOCK: Just change the battery! Did you buy any? FRYLOCK: l gave you money to buy some.
l opted out of that plan.
You know how l feel about doing stuff.
My opinions are well documented on that particular front.
Whoa! This is over six dollars! Where did you get all this scratch? Come on outside! Let's celebrate! Sorry l got a deadline to meet.
l bet he's masturbating.
Hey! What you doing in there? Yeah, what are you doing in there? Back it up.
l'm gonna shoot off the lock.
Yeah use the luger with the silencer.
Oh wait, you don't have one.
Oh, you want to destroy my fantasy? Well congratulations! Mission friggin accomplished a-hole! Back off.
l'm blowing the lock off with my space laser gun.
Beeeuw, beeeuw beeuw.
Beeuw, beeuw beeuw.
Beeuw, beeuw beeuw beeuw.
Dang, it blew off the lock.
Frylock what are you doing? Are you jerking it? l'm working is what l'm doing! What's this package doing out here for you? Where? Scoot over! What are you doing in here? Balloons! Don't touch that! Thank you! l can't believe you remembered! l mean it's only five months away, but still! This ain't no damn surprise party for you! l know, Shake.
lt's for me! Hurray! Happy birthday to me! lt's ain't for nobody! l'm designing a deadly airborne virus to be compressed with helium and inserted in balloons to be passed out at children's birthday parties! Oh.
Well, that answers the dead mice question.
Yeah, l thought that was a petting zoo.
So, this is Fun for you? Look, it's just a freelance gig, okay? And it pays very well, so if you'll excuse me, l have a video-conference meeting to attend.
There's some serious ethical implications here.
Oh, now look who's got a moral compass! Look, my job is to get the virus on-line and not to ask questions.
You got that? No need to get snappy.
l'm your friend and l'm just talking to you.
l've found that l can have a clean conscience, knowing that l am unemployed and unemployable.
No one can make me do anything.
Maybe you should try it.
So to summarize, this is a birthday party? Get the fuck outta here! And don't breathe in! Or do! l don't care! Hey, Raydolph.
ls the package ready? lt's close.
lt's close.
l have a couple more tests.
How did it work on the Jewish mice we sent you? They're Jewish mice? Jewish, yes, we converted them.
The males were de-circumcised.
Yeah, l did see that.
But you know the Jewish people don't do that, right? Mice do not like monkey-skin added to the privates.
But no matter.
For they will be dead soon! Well, no.
They're more, like, asleep.
But it is a deep sleep.
Fryman, this is not what we asked for.
Well, you only gave me l can't make them explode -- certainly not from a virus.
But, we thought you could.
Well l can't.
[ German rambling ] Well, thank you for trying.
Hey, uh, before you go, l had a quick question.
What is this for? There are no questions! You have your money! Deliver the package at once! What's that behind you? ls that a map of lsrael? l said no questions! You know what, transmission over - Fuck you! The fryman is so stupid.
When l say no questions, he asks questions immediately, as if l did not say that.
l clearly said it.
You heard me, right? C'mon.
Yeah, you said that.
l know l said it.
Ahh! Turn off these lights! Get this microphone off me, l want to play Wolfenstein.
Oh scheisse [ German rambling ] Aw hell! l can't be a part of this! l told you, it's unethical.
lt's immoral.
l have standards.
Aww hell, what am l gonna do, Shake? l'm supposed to make a drop this afternoon.
Look, don't worry about this.
l'll take care of it.
Ooh! Did you see how close that was? All right, just one more putt.
ln and out! lt was in there! Just lipped it.
Just one more putt.
Come on Shake! We're 15 minutes late! Okay, but l have to sink one of these before we leave.
ln and out.
[ groans, farts ] Okay, one more.
l got one more in me.
Just how's this gonna work? Therein lies the beauty -- it won't.
By the time my sulfur is released upon the crowd, they'll know l just had spicy Asian.
And by then, we'll be back at our house, safe and sound.
No no no, we do this, we gotta leave the country.
[ farts ] Always so negative.
Ah, what a wonderful day for a balloon! Here, let me set down my suitcase full of money next to you and purchase one.
lt's free of charge, sir.
These balloons are not happy and floating like we discussed.
They are exactly what you asked for.
Now if you'll excuse us.
No, l think the product needs to be tested.
On your kosher friend! Meatwad! They took out all my pork and de-circumsiced me and give me the dang cowboy hat.
Oy gevalt! l'm dang Jewish now.
He is Juden.
And now, he will breathe in deep.
Oy, gefilta fish.
Uh, Shake, you eat you some Asian? l found some noodles in Carl's dumpster, yes.
Liars! Seize him! Oh no, Yom Kippur! Mazel tov.
So You have trained well.
Join us.
Hell no.
Then you shall suffer.
Seize him! Shabbot Shalom! Hey fellas, stay out of the grass! lt's sharp! Usually, when l take on a freelance job, l like to know who l'm dealing with, but l'll tell you what -- i'm not even gonna bother asking you why you're a balloon, or why you hate Jews so much or where you got all this money.
Where did you get all this money? Shake.
the eagle's nest-- l told you no.
lt's an interesting story.
Where'd you get all this money? Your friend wants to know.
Oy gevalt, let the schmuck tell his story.
Fine, tell your damn story, Raydolph.
lt's not Raydolph.
lt's Adolf.
As in Hitler! l'm Hitler! Raydolph is my screen name.
C'mon you guys, put it together.
Things were, shall we say, going downhill.
l was so bummed.
l love my swastika tablecloth, silverware, blood carafe, knickknacks - so l'm thinking l will smuggle it all out of the country in a balloon up my, shall we say, personal ''gas chamber.
'' Get it? My ass? Yeah, we get it.
Say it! Say what it is! lt will make you laugh! Fine, fine l go on with my story.
So, l try to squeeze it in, but uh-oh.
Too much, right! Boom! l explode from having too much of my decors and housewares up my ass! So, my soul entered this balloon, and l live on, to create a perfect race of Aryan balloons to control the world! Oh no, Yom Kippur! That's one dumbass story, you know that? You're so funny Frylock, why don't you make up one that's better, huh? C'mon, do it.
Right now! Goldie Hawn is Jewish? And so is Harrison Ford.
And so is the Wu-tang Clan.
And Ol' Dirty Bastard and the Rza and The Gza.
No, they're black, Meatwad.
Shlemiel Meshugganah.
So you see, not every Jew is evil.
Right? Shake, that's not the message here.
What about Tom Hanks? l don't think he's Jewish.
So he hates the Jews? l doubt it.
l can't speak for Tom Hanks, but he seems pretty likable.
l doubt that he flat-out hates Jews.
What about Tom Cruise? Tom Jews? He is a scientologist.
They worship aliens.
Lord Xenu is not just an ''alien,'' Frylock.
He was thrown into a volcano.
You should really study a little piece of history called Battlefield Earth, maybe check your thetan count sometime with a free audit using our e-meter.
Shake, l don't know how many times l'm gonna tell you no about that, okay? No! l'm just saying - We get people off drugs.
We don't kill Jews.
Listen to this Schmuck.
Oy Gevalt.
What about Will Smith? Big Willie style? Yeah, does he bounce into the wild wild west all lox and bageled? Look, how about l just send you the link and you read it for yourself? Billy Crystal.
Jerry Seinfeld.
Jerry Seinfeld? No way! Jackie Mason? C'mon! Next you're gonna say Rob Reiner - what? Ben Stiller.
The Beastie Boys.
Bob Dylan.
Adam Sandler.
All Jewish.
The guy who's the waterboy? But l love The Waterboy! So, not only do l not hate the Juden, but l'm one of their biggest fans? lt would seem that way, yes.
Well then come here, my Hebrew brother.
l am so sorry for misjudging you and your talented Mongrel race.
Well, Mazel Tov l guess.
Matzo ball.
Embrace me, and we will work together to put our differences aside so we may once and for all, destroy the gays! Heil, the inflatable Hitler! Wow.
Gelfilte fish.
Dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden Dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden