Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Eggball

My name is Shake-zula, the Mic Ruler The old schooler You want to trip? I'll bring it to you Frylock, and I'm on top, rock you like a cop Meatwad, you're up next with your knock-knock Meatwad make the money, see? Meatwad get the honeys, "G" Drivin' in my car, livin' like a star Ice on my fingers and my toes, and I'm a Taurus Unh, check, check it, yeah 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homies say "ho!" and the girlies wanna scream 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homies say "ho!" and the girlies wanna scream Aqua Teen Hunger Force Number one in the hood, "G" [snoring] [clattering, Shake yelling] Huh? Huh? What? C'mon, get outta there! Get outta there! Go! PINBALL MACHINE: It's a new world record! One million points! Oh, no.
Up that rim! PINBALL MACHINE: I'm doing this as hard as I can.
Ooh! I did that! I just did it.
PINBALL MACHINE: I should not walk so a child may live! And that multi-ball! What the hell, man? When did you get this? I had it made.
The Family Guy has one, so why not me? Based on my incredible adventures.
'Cause you don't have any incredible adventures.
I am a modern day Tom Sawyer.
Look, it has 18 flippers, each with a button.
The foot pedals control the angle of the board.
The ball, shaped like the ovum of a flightless bird.
A fountain in the middle to commemorate that time when I stole all them pennies.
And my favorite feature it's impossible to tilt.
Watch this.
[grunts] [whirs to a stop] It doesn't tilt! It doesn't work now, either.
You have tilted, jerk! No! My baby! Yeah.
Goodnight.
[game laughing] You bastard! You brought this on us! [ Clacking ] Little sticky on the 7th flipper.
This is working all right.
Oh, that's weird.
It's playing slow.
Oh, wait a minute, there's no ball in it.
It's a eggball It's a egg from this flightless bird I met.
Mmm, these is some good eggs.
- No! - They hard, though.
SHAKE: My multi-ball! I'm whipping up a Denver multi-ball, if you want one.
REPAIR MAN: Don't you worry.
I always have an extra.
There you go.
How about that? No! It's a eggball! It came outta the ass of this flightless bird I met and you don't know 'em! Oh, I don't have one of those.
You must! This is based on my wonderful adventures.
Uh, let me have a look in the truck.
[tires screech ] Okay, here's another idea.
I suggest we go find one of them birds you talkin' 'bout, and raise it, and nurture it and feed it grains and hamburger, and have it lay you some of them balls for your game.
That's your suggestion.
Yeah, that's it.
Well, it's a damned good one.
Tonight, you may spank yourself.
Frylock.
I don't know what kinda bird you're talking about.
You know, it's a rare one.
With the feet that are colored.
You know, come on! Just get on it.
I don't understand what Damn it! It's my vision! Make it so! Are you asking me to do something? Is this a command? Never mind! [grunts] You call yourself a man? Then follow me! SHAKE: Well, this is most likely where I found him.
Where the hell are we, Shake? I don't know! This is uncharted.
You think Donald Trump knows where all his stuff is? No! And that guy's on television.
Look, y'all.
Look at this map.
And now look at this guy.
And then, look at that over there.
And now look at my finger.
I got me a booger on it.
Unrelated.
But I do like boogers.
Shh, shh! Shh, shh! That's where it ends.
I'm gon' get me a tan.
No, Meatwad.
Not without a 45 SPF, you don't.
Maybe it's because of the ultraviolet rays that they call it Death Island.
Or it could be all them skeletons.
That too.
Hey, here's some sunblock! Right here in the old vending machine.
Oh, hang on.
I think I got 55 cents.
No, no, no.
Let me get this.
All right.
The trail mix, sticky rolls, and Dr.
Fudge-be-gone are all mine.
Let me have that Dr.
Fudge No! Pull a fish from the ocean and skin it with your tooth.
You ain't even eating that Smacker bar! I'm gonna save this for myself for later.
Shake, is this that bird you were looking for? Nah.
[ Farting ] Well, look a there.
He just farted out a bunch of pinball eggs.
Yeah, Meatwad's right, man.
They are pinballs.
SHAKE: No, no, no.
Mine are totally different.
These will not work.
Oh, come on, Shake, look.
The thing's laying pinball eggs.
Slay him for food! MEATWAD: J" I'm singing bye bye Deep dish pepperoni pizza Who got the extra large slice filled with pepperoni Come on, everybody! I am bored.
Let's go back home.
We parachuted here.
Yeah, I know.
Because it was cheaper.
The tickets said one way.
Round trip was insane! You wanna pay those prices? Be my guest.
Had we rented the boat like I wanted, we could get back in the boat and go home.
Well, we didn't do that, did we? Because someone didn't assert themselves enough.
I keep telling you to read my book.
"Master Your Finances and Shake It Up.
" Chapter one make every problem your slave.
Seriously, did you even pick it up? Yeah, we got a garage full of them.
That's 'cause they didn't sell 'cause MEATWAD: Hey, y'all.
SHAKE: You shut the website down! We could take these jet skis over here.
SHAKE: Shut up, Meatwad! I'm discussing my book over here.
All right, Shake, you win.
How do you make this problem your slave? Well, I'll tell you.
"Rule one assess the situation.
" We are fucked.
Y'all see these jet skis? "Rule two Apply blame.
" You, Frylock.
You're the one.
What about these jet skis? "Rule three Don't let the blamee hear about you blaming them.
" Hey, Meatwad, Frylock really jobbed us on this, didn't he? You probably shouldn't say that with him standing right there.
You see these jet skis "Rule four Make a suggestion, but don't own up to it in case it sucks.
" Hey, guys, what if we make a boat out of sand? But it's a glass-bottom boat.
Then we could host tours for this roasted bird and get money to buy a plane ticket outta here from an airport that does not exist.
That idea sucks.
Yeah, I know.
Who's idea was that, Meatwad? Two jet skis right over here.
Which leads me to rule four.
"Take well-deserved nap.
" Good night.
Good luck.
The end.
So we doing the jet skis Do you like to hear your own voice? 'Cause I'm trying to sleep! You write a book, and tell me it doesn't make you tired! Shh, shh! What the hell is that? Go to bed! Thank goodness I found these jet skis, right? Oh, definitely man.
What do you think them crazy sounds was? You know, normally I'd be curious, but I'm not.
Ain't you just a little worried about Shake? - Nope.
- Me neither.
Here, help me grab his stuff and take it to the curb.
You need to bend with your legs.
[ Yawns ] Classic rule five.
Ignore existence of dilemma, and it shall go away.
Wait a minute.
[grunts] You bought my book? Congratulations, you are well on your way to living a healthy life at the expense of others.
Yeah, bawk bawk bawk! I don't understand stupid chicken talk.
Now untie me immediately so I can autograph that damn book for your stupid nephew.
What's his name, Sammy? Wait a minute.
[ Screaming ] Ow ow ow! Ow ow ow! Ow ow ow ow! Ow ow ow! Ow ow ow ow! Ow ow ow! Ow ow! Ow ow ow ow! Ow ow ow! Ow ow ow! Ow ow ow! Ow ow ow! [ Screams ] I do not understand what you are saying to me! What? What's that again! Speak English! Why is that not a law everywhere?! He speaks only in turkey clucks.
He's an idiot.
[ Rumbling, clucking] What's going on, man? He's saying our god Rudy is angry.
Rudy? Who the hell is Rudy? He's saying run! [ Roaring ] [thunderous footsteps ] All right, what do you want, you big gay baby! [ Screaming ] All right, what do you want, you big gay baby?! [ Screaming ] Good idea, Lyle, let's set up a web cam so everybody can watch a giant gay baby blow up another tourist with his lasers.
Come on you don't know he's gay.
Isn't that what he called him? I mean, he called him that, that doesn't mean he's gay.
He called him gay.
I just think we should change the name.
I mean, Death Island is not an inviting name.
Well, Fantasy Island is taken! Life Island would be better.
I mean, it's not great, but it's way better than Death Island.
Someone has to destroy that baby.
And he's probably gay.
But we tried to destroy Rudy for hundreds of years.
We were hoping he would grow and mature and learn not to destroy tourists.
But he doesn't learn! Well, look, I don't know what to tell you.
The benadryl missiles didn't work and the nitroglycerine rattle went nowhere.
He loves it, though.
Have you seen him with it? Yes, Frederick.
He gets bigger by the millenium.
Hmm.
I'm just throwing stuff at the wall right now, but let's build a giant daycare center and put him in it.
What the fuck?! The island is gone! That's a stupid idea, Lyle.
Oh, I didn't come up with it, I'm just thinking out loud.
Gimme that book! Okay, here's what we're gonna do, we'll all take naps and hope this goes away.
We should definitely have him tested.
Developmentally he's not quite with the other gay babies.
I'm not having doctor's poking around in my gay baby.
Dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden Dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden