Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Monster

My name is Shake-zula, the Mic Ruler The old schooler You want to trip? I'll bring it to you Frylock, and I'm on top, rock you like a cop Meatwad, you're up next with your knock-knock Meatwad make the money, see? Meatwad get the honeys, "G" Drivin' in my car, livin' like a star Ice on my fingers and my toes, and I'm a Taurus Unh, check, check it, yeah 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homies say "ho!" and the girlies wanna scream 'Cause we are the Aqua Teens make the homies say "ho!" and the girlies wanna scream Aqua Teen Hunger Force - J" Number one in the hood, "G" J" - Gotcha! [mumbling] Hmm? Hmm.
MEATWAD: Hmm-mm.
[chuckles] Oh, you know I like it when you do that.
I like it like that.
MEATWAD: Yeah, that feels good.
Damn it Meatwad! What are you doing in here? I make I'm making a booty call.
No, you're sleeping in my damn bed at 2 in the morning, and you're hogging all the covers.
Whoa, whoa, wait a minute now.
You said it was important to share.
Yeah, but we each have a bed.
I ain't go no bed, I got a damn grill in there.
Because when we went to the bed store and you saw a man grilling hamburgers, you said, "that's what I want to sleep on.
" So I bought it for you.
What happened was, we went to the bed store, and I saw a man outside grilling hamburgers, and I said, "that's what I want to sleep on", so you bought it for me.
Look, you made your bed, now you gotta lay in it, Meatwad.
I ain't gonna lie in my bed 'cause it ain't a bed 'cause it's a damn grill.
[sighs] I'll give you a treat if you stay in there all night.
How does a sticker sound? Sounds like it's gonna get stuck way up your ass.
I ain't gonna make it that long.
It's a dang monster in my closet.
See, no monster, Meatwad.
Well check the sand.
- Nothing.
- Go check it again.
Ok, there's still nothing there.
- Check it again.
- I'm not gonna check it again.
ThThere ain't nothing there.
SHAKE: Hey, did you guys hear like some scratching and howling like something horrible was trying to rip its way through into our realm? From the depths of a fiery, fiery hell? I heard that very same noise too.
Shake, don't make it worse.
It's only gonna get worse, if it gets out.
It needs to feed, Frylock.
Meatwad, get down off the ceiling.
Naw, not until someone checks that sand.
'Cause I think he's in the sand.
There's nothing there Meatwad.
Yeah, come on down I'm sure it's nothing.
But it could be this.
[growls] Or this.
[growls] Or even this.
[meows] Possibly this.
But probably this.
[growls] That one's got haunting eyes doesn't he? Will you get the hell out of here.
You can't hide the truth.
This room is crawling with evil! Evil I say! Meatwad listen to me and listen close.
There ain't no monsters living in your closet.
Monsters don't exist.
And even if they did, you know I would be able to kill them with my kung fu power-yaw! So, we're cool right? Yeah, we're cool as long as you get a new comforter down in your room cause I greased all over that last one.
Fine, I'll take the rug.
[dog barking] [groans] Damn my neck is stiff.
Meatwad get up.
Meatwad? Meatwad?! Yeah, he was devoured by razor teeth in the night.
Probably the monster.
Ain't no monster, Shake! Coffee? Oh, thank you.
- Hey! - Wake-up genius! Your damn credit card's missing.
It was the monster.
Where is Meatwad? MEATWAD: Well yeah Kristen, please send me 4 more of the shrimp cocktails.
Also, I want to go head and get that half day spa with the massage with the hot stones.
And I'm having trouble with the high speed internet access.
Why don't you send one of the techies up here to see if they can get that ironed out for me.
'Cause my cow is running real slow and uh can't seem to access my piggy.
$9,000 in the mini-bar? [music thumping] You're calling my home number, does it sound like I stayed there last night? [music thumping] No I didn't authorize that.
Thanks for the ride Manaka.
Just keep it running, I may need to run to the mall later and get me one of them braided belts with the big buckle.
Don't worry about it, we'll throw it all on the card.
And what card is that? It's call a credit card.
You just give this to a person and you get things.
You stayed at a hotel last night.
I did? Awesome.
The honeymoon suite? Oh, it's got a beautiful view of downtown and the pier.
Why wouldn't I stay there? No, I cancelled the card.
You're living here from now on, okay? But Dewey and Vanessa, I checked them with the concierge.
Well I guess they gonna have to get a ride back here with the limo driver then aren't they.
Alright, let me get Manaka on the horn.
No, no horn.
You 'bout to start raking yards for the rest of your life mister.
You know and I know that I got a monster in that closet hiding in the sand, waiting till night time, so he can eat and kill me.
Yes, I captured thermal images of his whereabouts last night.
FRYLOCK: Don't listen to him.
Yeah, don't listen to me.
Don't even listen to this recording I made.
La cucaracha La cucaracha MEATWAD: What are they saying? Alright, this is the rough translation.
Porque le falta A tasty snack La cucaracha la cucaracha Of which I desire No tiene, porque le falta ls the meat man.
Oh no! Frylock, you're not made of meat.
I'm not made of meat.
I am! I'm made of meat! Well there you go.
Meatwad listen.
We're gonna find this monster.
And we're gonna destroy it.
And then the problem'll be solved, right? Well, only I can track him.
But that requires you meeting my enormous fee.
I've studied the monster for years.
I know his patterns and I know his weaknesses.
And as you know my major was in model management.
And theatre.
But my minor was in monsterology.
He's got a point.
We'd be foolish not to hire him.
We'd be dicks to hire him.
- [moaning] - Roar, yeah roar.
Take off them granny panties and set aside them crutches, 'cause the monster's coming to get ya.
I gotcha! [laughing] Hey Carl.
Hey Fryman.
What you uh What are you doing here? Well, what are you doing over there? No, no, no, no, no, what are you doing in here? In my private house? Well- I- I knocked Carl.
No one answered.
That is That is correct.
And for a very good reason.
So, what are you doing? I am checking sports scores.
And you've always got an erection? When you check your sports scores? That's got to be embarrassing, man.
Naw, I've discovered through the internet, you do anything you want as long as no one sees your face.
It's like the wild west over here.
My larger point is, if you don't like my balls hanging out, you look away.
Well I kinda need your help, but you're probably busy Whoa, whoa, whoa, I'll help ya.
I am a neighbor.
How much money you'll give me? I don't have a lot of money Carl, but what if we had a pizza party, huh? Ah, I've been down this road before.
You got the coupon for the garlic bread sticks with the onion dip and sauce? Yeah, whatever, sure we can do that.
Alright! Let me get changed.
FRYLOCK: No, no, no that's actually perfect.
God, are you freaking into this too? This special ghost light will pick up the apparition residue so we can track it.
That's funny, it looks like a black light, from that White Lion poster.
That you was too embarrassed to hang up.
Well it's not.
Look, apparition residue, he was here.
[chuckles] Apparition residue? My company finds actual monster foot prints.
And we carbon date them to the exact moment that the beast enters the house.
Well hell yeah, we do that too.
Pictures of the monster, did he even offer you a photo package? I don't think so.
We have glossy 8X10's, 11X14's, wallets, calendars, framed, unframed, matted, we're here to work within your budget.
You can't even find the monster.
Shake's offering me dang photos.
No, no, no, not just photos, I capture him in a decorative vial so the monster can be displayed.
How do you plan to do that? L-I with this monster bottle.
[gulping] Ah.
Which [burps] will trap him in plastic, [burps] and for you [burps] I'll throw it in for four payments of $89.
What's the point of the chair? Chairtrap.
Monster sees it, "hey, I'm gonna take a break from being scary, that looks good, I'm gonna sit down, relax" Boom! "Oh no, I got trapped!" Diamond cyber shackles, capture him, for our client.
Meatwad, it's the same chair you've been looking at for the past 10 years.
But this time look, it got change in there.
No, no, no, no, please back away from the mechanism.
Ahh, just a nickel.
Frylock, he got a cyber diamond chair trap with a nickel mechanism.
You just got some dumb-ass purple light.
How 'bout a sticker of a mighty unicorn.
I don't know man.
I just don't know.
SHAKE: Look, I can tell you're uneasy.
Why don't you take a moment to think about it.
Take all the time you want.
But just know that my offer is expiring in point 1 seconds.
What is your decision? CARL: Uh, when do I come out? I'm sweating my balls off here.
The monster! [screaming] Well, I'm glad we were able to wrap that up for you, sir.
We had discussed a credit plan.
Yeah I know but, Frylock killed him.
Now that's a standard illusion.
The monster altered your mind to think he was killed.
But in fact he's right behind you! - No! - He just left.
He is quick.
No, he's dead Shake.
We all saw it.
Meatwad, help me drag the monster over to Carl's house.
Oh look, he's got a handle.
No, don't touch that.
Oh no! The monster's ghost! Everyone stop, just listen.
Do you hear that? It's the monster's ghost, just like you said.
He's a bit quiet though.
Yeah, that's 'cause he's shy, he's not good in social situations.
He feels awkward, but one on one, he'll open up to you.
Ask him what he wants.
But don't ask him in front of everyone, I don't want to make it awkward for him.
What's that? You're gonna eat his soul? Ah, don't do that.
Come on he's a nice Shake, enough of that crap! [electronic hum] Actually I do hear that.
Oh god, what is that noise? It's a monster.
Shh-shh-shh! - Finally I've been validated here.
- Shh! [squeaks] FRYLOCK: Aww, look it's just your gerbil Starsky.
Hey Starsky.
Yeah, you want something to eat? Give me a celery stick you scale.
The power of Christ compels you.
The power of Christ compels you! Your mother sucks cocks in hell.
Come into him damn you, come into him! Come into who now? [glass breaks] [roars] Damn it, we're on the ground floor.
SHAKE: I've never spent a weekend in the city, this is so exciting for me.
Look, they have fountains.
[glass breaks] Ahhhh! Finally, we going home now? [knocking at the door] Uh-huh, we're sleeping here in your bed man.
- Room service! - Ahhh! Dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden Dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden D-d-dancing is forbidden