Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - One Hundred

My name is Shake-Zula, the mike ruler, the old schooler You want to trip? I'll bring it to you Frylock, and I'm on top, rock you like a cop Meatwad, you're up next with your knock-knock Meatwad make the money, see? Meatwad get the honeys, "G" Drivin' in my car, livin' like a star Ice on my fingers and my toes, and I'm a Taurus Unh, check, check it, yeah 'cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homies say "ho!" And the girlies want to scream 'cause we are the Aqua Teens Make the homies say "ho!" And the girlies want to scream Aqua Teen Hunger Force Number one in the hood, "G" Frylock: 100, 100, 100.
There are 100 cents in a dollar.
A football field is 100 yards.
There are 100 Senators in Congress.
The sum of the first nine prime numbers is 100.
The boiling temperature of water is 100.
Abraham was 100 years old when his son Isaac was born The number of tiles in a standard scrabble set is 100.
The temperature of the human body is 98.
6 degrees, which is close to 100.
Shake: Now, all right.
See, now you're just pulling that out of your ass.
That is an ass-pull, my friend.
Frylock: What about "one hundred men and a girl"? Shake: So what? Frylock: It's a 1937 musical comedy film starring Deanna Durbin.
Shake: So is "3 Men and a Baby.
" Meatwad: I didn't like the men in that, but I liked the baby.
Frylock: 100 is everywhere, man.
Don't you see it? Meatwad: Yeah, 'cause you done wrote it all over the walls with a crayon, man.
And I do one little cotton-pickin' rainbow, and I get my heinie spanked.
[ microwave beeps ] Oh, lunch is ready.
Sausage and two bagels.
Frylock: Look, see? Look at the plate.
Shake: I don't know what you're talking about.
100 kisses from the angels on my tummy 100 kisses from my mommy when I'm crummy 100 sins leaves you dead within 100 nails that pierce your skin 100 Frylock: Turn it off! Turn it off now! Shake: Come on.
It's a coincidence.
Frylock: The number 100 is a number the Mayans invented.
The king, Hundra, had a hundred toes.
He predicted that when there was no more room in number hell, that numbers would roam the earth.
The hundredth episode, "Aqua Teen.
" Meatwad: "Hundredth episode, 'Aqua Teen'"? What's that? Shake: Hundred episodes.
That's the magic number for syndication cash.
Frylock: What are you talking about, Shake? Shake: You don't read the trades? Frylock: I don't know what you're talking about, but somehow I think it relates to us.
Shake: Uh, yeah, you know what? I doubt it.
In fact, it's probably some other Aqua Teens entirely.
It's a common name.
All right, look, I gotta go.
[ wheels screeching ] You told me this was episode 3, which means I've been doing episode 3 for eight freakin' years! Actors just get, uh, so immersed in their characters that they lose track of time and space.
Shake: How dare you talk to me about my craft?! That's where I cash in! I know it, and you know it.
The show's 11 minutes long, so, really, you have only 50 half-hours.
Shake: We can -- we can pad it.
I can do magic.
He's saying we're only halfway there, buddy.
Shake: Who [bleep] asked you? I just did a voiceover for kitty litter that paid more than this piece of [bleep] has paid, and I get residuals! The cat's where it's at.
Shake: You are fired! And I'll see you jackals in another eight years! And I'm gonna have another 50 ready! Open up the bank book, boys, 'cause I'll be back.
[ wheels screeching ] Meatwad: Where you been for like three days? Shake: Hey, let's just joke around and entertain 18- to Pick a card, any card.
Come on, pick one.
Meatwad: Look, I can't be doing that.
Frylock's out front mowing the number 100 into the lawn.
[ lawn mower whirring ] We need to get him some help, have an intervention or something.
Shake: Look, he's gonna resist it.
You know how proud he is.
That's why I think we should frame him for murder! Meatwad: Well, let's find some middle ground here.
I mean, maybe we could have an intervention and then frame him for murder? Shake: Look, you can't open a candy store and sell hamburgers out the back and be a scientist and an animal-trainer school.
Just doesn't work.
Meatwad: Well, what the hell does that mean? Shake: Means do one thing, and do it right.
Now, get out there with this bloody ax and say, "Ooh, I did it.
Oh, God, why did I do it?" Meatwad: Okay, I'll do it, but ain't you trying to frame Frylock for murder? Shake: Yeah, you better get him to say it, too.
Yep, this is the stuff.
Hot sauce.
Meatwad: I did it.
Oh, oh, God, I did it.
Good thing this wasn't blood.
I'd be licking aids right now.
Meatwad: I did it, y'all.
Oh, God, I did it.
Hey, these body parts are plastic.
Shake: Damn it! Listen, you digital a-hole! I had those made in hollywood.
I'm a member of the unions, and I'm a trained professional.
Now do your job, sir! Feels like a hundred degrees out.
Time for lunch.
It's 1:00.
Hey, can we have a hundred beans for lunch? No, tom, I've told you for the 100th time -- no one sells beans individually.
It's just not efficient.
Man, I feel like I haven't had beans in a century.
What about cascade of beans on A hundred, a hundred.
Uh-oh, I've got to take a A hundred! [ static hisses ] We'd better go.
Both: See you soon.
Frylock: "See you soon"? "c" is the roman numeral for Did you hear all that? Shake: I think that cop was Tom Savini.
Frylock: 100 -- they kept saying "100," man! It's coming! Meatwad: What's coming? Frylock: I don't know, but I don't like it.
Shake: Hey, jerkwater, you cruising for sex? Get your stinkin' zeroes off my lawn.
[ French accent ] It's not nice to talk to strangers! Frylock: Damn it, it's him! Meatwad: It's who? Frylock: It's the number 100.
Don't look him in the eyes, man.
Be a good boy, and give me the episode! Frylock: Episode? What the hell does he mean? Shake: This is episode 100, and if we finish this show, he'll collect our epi-souls forever! I don't know -- that's just what I think! I'm speculating! Frylock: Show?! What do you mean, show?! Shake: Hello? The last nine years? These freakin' Meatwad and ignignokt beanies, which are still available at adultswimshop.
com? Meatwad: What the hell you talkin' about, fool? Shake: They sell all our stuff for more than you can buy at other places! Look, just follow me if you want to live! Aqua unit patrol squad Solving mystery is what you do Aqua unit patrol squad Look out before the trouble finds you When the jig is up, the spooks come out You're so surprised, you scream and shout You're cowardly, you run away Once you get on home, you chase and pout You're out of time, your luck runs out And now you've got a gig to play-ay-ay-ay Aqua Unit Patrol Squad We're chasing you to outer space "Bayou boo-ya.
" Shake: Zoinks! Like, this is spoo-oo-oo-ky.
Isn't that right, fly boy? Frylock: It's Flylock.
I mean, Fryrock.
I mean -- damn it, who am I? Meatwad: And why am I a dog now? Shake: [ laughs ] you're meaty meaty moo! Do your thing, meaty! Meatwad: Meaty meaty moo.
Shake: Come on, really? That was terrible.
Meatwad: I just think it's stupid that that's all I would say is my name.
Like that's an exclamation? Like that conveys any information? Shake: Don't worry.
We're gonna work on it over time.
[ van door closes ] Frylock: What the [bleep] are we doing here, Shake? Shake: We're having adventures where we solve mysteries and uncover high jinks.
Right, Tabitha? J-j-j-jinkies, Captain.
Shake: Jinkies, indeed.
Frylock: Who's this bitch? Uh, jinkies.
Shake: Don't you dare speak to my dear girlfriend who we travel with but I'm not physically involved with Like that.
Carl: Yeah, 'cause you ain't man enough.
Shake: You hang out by the van.
You're not a part of this so much.
Carl: I don't want to be a part of this.
Shake: Good, 'cause you're not.
Carl: I know, I'm not.
Shake: Well, then, why don't you go? Carl: Well, I am going.
Shake: You're not walking.
Carl: I will walk away.
I'm walking away right now.
Shake: Pick it up, fat boy! Carl: I heard you.
Mes enfants, la chanson, oignon.
Whoo-ee! Carl: Hey, hey, hey, hey! Back -- Shake: Zoinks! Jinkies! Je te plumerai! Shake: Blinkus! Jinkies! Maison la ma la la la whoo-ee! Shake: Pa-dinkus! Jinkies! Frylock: Man, how long do we have to do this? Shake: Ah, relax.
We got like nine more minutes left.
We'll just go till the credits hit.
Garantie! Shake: Ka-blingus! Frylock: Nah, I'm done running, man.
Shake: Don't, don't, don't! Je te plumerai! Garantie! Jinkies! Frylock: Somebody staple the talk-hole on that bitch, please.
Shake: It was the number 100 all along! He followed us into our new show! And I would have succeeded, too, if it weren't for the fact that I failed! bayou boo-ya so he could scare you back into your old world, where he could seize you, collect your episodes, and sell them to a network for syndication.
What is she doing here? Jinkies! Man, come on! Am I supposed to know you? Shake: It doesn't work that way.
There are 11 minutes, so we only really technically have 50 half-hours.
We don't have a hundred.
What about doubling them? Reruns? People do that.
Shake: Yeah, I know.
I said that, too.
They wouldn't go for it.
Well, can I at least take her into the woods, rape her, and behead her, possibly not even in that order? Uh, jinkies? Shake: I don't know, man.
Better not.
She came with the van, and there's, like, a deposit issue and So you're Aqua unit patrol squad now? Shake: 'fraid so, yeah.
Really? That's what you're going with? Shake: We're gonna solve mysteries, and we live in seattle now, where I think I also host a radio program.
So do you have a commitment beyond the pilot? Meatwad: I don't know any more than you do, man.
We're thinking about losing the dog.
I don't know what that means.
'cause I think this works.
What are you doing?! I hope you get to do more.
Oh! This has been fun.
Let go of me! No! [ crying ] Meatwad: Meaty meaty moo! And meaty meaty moo to you, too! [ all laughing ] Shake: [ laughs ] see? Wow, it's funny! That's funny to me even watching it, and I was there.
"Can I rape her and behead her, possibly not in that order?" Shake: Yeah, and I will speak to him about that.
Yeah, we really don't want a main character that wants to rape.
Shake: You're right.
We want kids to buy his toy and not fear it.
And you know what? We can schedule a reshoot.
That is -- I mean, that's a phone call.
But it's funny, right? Yeah, it's just a little too close to another project that we have coming down the pipeline that's already like this.
Shake: Right.
So, how about doing, like, a rock block of them together? Be a power house.
All right, dana.
It was great talking to you.
Come in any time to bore us.
My door is always open.
Shake: I can come back after I got a space pirate thing I'm making up right now.
Okay, umHow do I say this? How do I say this? Shake: I'm just gonna get a bag of pretzels at the vending machine.
Everything you say bores us.
You know what I mean? Shake: Do you have 75 cents? I don't have any change.