Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Bookie

I'm the pimp on top, can't never be stopped Frylock is on the bottom, and your mama on my Shakezula is m'elegante de la casa.
El Meatwad es tan grande.
Don't understand why you're [bleep] with a "g" 'Cause Shake got the bait, make a blind man see Meatwad got your mama in my ride Rollin' up the whole up and then keep the hoes high "Aqua Something You Know" Eh, whatever.
Carl, I'm gonna ask you to examine this sword.
Nothing unique or special about the sword, nothing that indicates that it might collapse at any time, or It's, uh, yeah, it's a real sword.
No, Carl, no.
Don't encourage him.
- Now check this out.
- Whoa.
Pretty sharp.
- Anything hidden in my hands? - Nobody cares.
Look in my mouth.
Now watch this.
It's stupid.
He thinks it's cute.
It's gay.
- His new name is gaywad.
- Oooh! Ta-da! - Whoa! Damn! - Y'all wonder where it went? Yeah, I'd kind of like to see where it No, you don't.
It's nothing but a trick sword.
See? Ohh! All right, that's fake blood, so just disregard it.
I know how this works.
You try to get me looking one way while you do another thing.
Where's the sword? Good question, Carl.
Let's have a cup of coffee and talk about it.
Oh, God, he thinks this is so cute.
- Aah! - It's not.
It's fake coffee.
Holy canoli, that was frigging awesome! You want some foam with that? Ha ha ha! Yeah! - I mean, I ain't gonna drink it.
- I'll drink it.
Those damn things are Don't forget to tip your barista.
That was so awesome! What happened to the sword, though? What happened to the what? The sword.
You did a sword thing earlier.
The sword, Meatwad! Come on, man! I can't be doing this all day.
Oh, the sword.
Oh, yeah! - Voilа! - Whoa! All right, man! Thank you.
Fine! You finally got all the attention you need to make it through the day.
Wait a minute.
This is an arrow.
These are all arrows! - So what? - So, where's the sword? I don't What what sword? - Damn it.
- This is the third one this week! See?! I told you he couldn't do it! Well, you swallow three swords in a week.
- You said you can do it.
- And I can do it because I taught you.
Also, there's a really soft coffee bean in my espresso.
Hey, check out this trick.
Well, I mean, it's more like a biological problem.
What are you gonna do with that? I'm gonna swallow it, blow it out my nose, and then run it back and forth until someone politely asks me to stop.
Come on.
You can't do that.
- I bet I can.
- I bet you can't.
- Well, I bet I can.
- I kind of wish you wouldn't.
- I bet you can't! - I bet I can! No, you can't! How much you want to bet, cup? I got 5 hundy, fat man, and it says that you can't do that thing you proposed.
All right, drink cup.
So, we're doing this on credit, right? That's right.
Shake, look why would he do this if he hadn't done it a bunch of times before? But we don't know that, do we? I'm just telling you not to bet money you don't have.
Look, this is an easy win.
There's no way he can do that thing he says he's gonna do.
I call it "mental floss.
" Back in the '80s, you know, when they used to cut blow with bleach sinus cavity back here freaking gone, man.
Put it away, please, Carl.
Don't put it back on y Oh, he did it.
I'd like to see you do that again for double or nothing! He's already done it once, Shake! So, what are the chances he can do it again? - They're astronomical, you fool! - Jackpot! Come on, drink cup.
Come with me.
As it turns out, my fingers were crossed, thus negating the bet.
Aaaah! Ow! Oh-ho-ho-ho.
Aah! Now's the time where you give him the money.
I don't know what to say here.
I mean, you can't get blood out of a stone! Oh, yeah? Show him, Dante.
- I got double or nothing says you - He didn't say that! You guys take credit cards, right? Of course you don't.
I'll just hit the ATM down the street and probably a couple of other ones on the way.
That was irresponsible, uneducated, and immature what you did back there! Yeah, Meatwad.
He's talking directly to you.
- No one takes that tone with me! - No, I'm talking to you, Shake.
You owe me $1,000, and, oh, yeah, man, you're gonna pay it off.
You're gonna work it off with chores.
All right.
If that's the way it's gonna be, I guess I got a lawn to mow.
I guess I did make an impact.
Don't know why he's got the TV out there, though.
He hate to miss his shows.
It's not even plugged in.
Can you get me some water? I think I did it wrong.
- This is not worth $1,000.
- Fine.
We'll go with the initial offer of $40.
I make my money work for me.
What do all those numbers mean? Is that all the money I can win? Oh, yeah, yeah.
That's how it works.
So, you like football? Oh, sure.
I love that one.
The college guys who wear helmets to protect their brains.
Hey, hey! We got a football fan over here.
What the hell are you doing here? This is my get-rich-quick scheme! I'm just here to play the odds, man.
Well, you're about to meet the wizard of odds! And I don't even know what that means, but I know I-it's gonna suck for you! Okay, I'll go with any team with the color purple on their tube socks.
- And I want to let it ride.
- That's safe.
Very smart.
What about you, drink cup? You want to make a bet? Triple or nothing that Meatwad's eaten by a pack of bees! Yeah.
100-to-1 odds.
Hey, look at that.
They'll take the bet.
That's right.
I'm in control here.
Ohhhh! Ahhhh! It was a fluke! Aaaaaah! Bees lay eggs in him constantly! Aaaah! - Why don't you break some of his stuff?! - They don't break my fingers.
They buy me a free meal is what they do for me.
That's what you do when you go color purple 8-for-8, boy! - Yeah, there he is.
- Fine.
Dante, please extend me some credit so that I, too, might be able to bet on the sporting event where the guy did jail time for bringing the gun into the club.
Hey, hey, hey.
Watch it.
You got a constitutional right to bear arms.
In a dance club.
I don't know if this is your day, drink cup.
If I was you, I'd take a seat on the bench.
- Watch the pros play.
- I thought you had a system! Yeah, I do.
I put the time in, I did the research, I watched that Oprah Winfrey movie, and then I bet based on it.
I want 20 grand on all purple-sock teams! Purple? The vibes I'm getting are orange from the fruit cup I just had.
Well, when the crowd zigs, master Shake zags.
How about you move my, uh, $250 to the orange-sock teams, too, just for just for kicks? - Yeah! All right! - Up top! Give me some! Yeah! What's it mean when they say they're gonna show me power tools? - No, no, no, no, no.
- We're not here together.
I mean, does that mean they're gonna make me work construction? I don't know you.
If that's the case, I don't understand why they wouldn't just say, "we're gonna have you build some stuff.
" - Please stand over there, kind sir.
- Carl, I'm asking you first.
All I need is just a little bit of money.
Don't make me do that thing you did at the Taco Barn, 'cause I'll do it.
Knock yourself out.
Your funeral.
Ohhhh! Why did you just mop this floor? Ohh! I'm gonna have to sue you! How long's it take for the out-of-court settlement? At Taco Barn, they they make me sign something and they give me a free chimichanga.
- Come on, pal.
We got to go.
- Well, it's about damn time! Now, who do I speak to about the free chimichanga? Whoa, whoa, whoa! Dante, you need be careful over here.
Someone just mopped.
Aaaaaah! You might want to say goodbye.
Let's do this quick.
Meatman's picking greyhounds now.
He's freaking rolling in it.
I mean, you guys have been - been winning all day.
- Yeah, I know.
Awesome, right? What's your point? I just thought maybe you could see fit to throw a few bucks my way.
Yeah, see, my funds right now they're tied up in the long-term equities, you know? - The Nikkei index just closed.
- No, I totally understand that.
All my money's over there, too.
Otherwise, I wouldn't even ask.
Damn asian markets! So, we're good here, right we're done? Do you think you could bring those fingers to - Frylock to prove that I'm alive? - Yeah, sure.
Technically, this don't prove nothing, though.
Dante said once they close, he's gonna take me down to the bridge to watch the sun go down.
He's been mean to me all day, so this is a pretty nice change.
Hey, when do I get my new cement sneakers? That's a waste of cement.
We don't do that anymore.
The water's only a couple of inches deep anyways.
Oh, good.
I could've drowned.
- Aaah! - Oh, here we go.
- You're gonna fly.
- Dante, hold up.
Hold up.
- Aaah! - How deep is he into you guys? Uh, about 140 large.
And what is the currency exchange rate between larges and thousands? One to one.
Whew! Goodness.
- Here.
- Aaaaah! I'm good for it.
Here's a little whipped cream on top.
Buy something for that girl of yours.
Tell her to keep that motor clean you know what I'm saying? It's your lucky day, fruit cup.
Then how come I lost all them damn bets, huh, you dumb Guinea? What's that, cup? Say that again? Somebody bend my fingers into a fist so I can show this old greaseball how we do it in the old country! Say that again, cup! Say it to my face! - Dante, please.
- Just disregard the cup.
He's out of sorts today.
Here for your trouble.
Yeah, yeah, that's what I thought.
Thank you.
Finally, the bank shows up.
What the hell took you so long?! Carl, tap his kneecaps.
No, no, no, no, no! Ooooooh! What was that about?! You remember that sword trick I used to do the one that you said that you're so good at? Yeah.
Too bad we don't have a sword here.
- Otherwise, I'd probably just do it.
- No, I bet you can't.
- I bet I can! - Well, looky, looky.
Uh well, the wind's not right.
I mean, let's see if the weather calms down in the next couple days.
No, I think we should do this now, 'cause I bet you 140 larges that you can't swallow this.
And learn.
Aaah! There.
You happy? Well, I'll be damned.
I guess you did show me.
I'll see you nerds later.
Help me up, bitch.
Then I'm out of here.
Dancing is forbidden, Forbidden, forbidden Dancing is forbidden, Forbidden, forbidden Dancing is forbidden Forbidden