Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Fightan Titan

I'm the pimp on top, can't never be stopped Frylock is on the bottom, and your mama on my Shakezula is m'elegante de la casa.
El Meatwad es tan grande.
Don't understand why you're [bleep] with a "g" 'Cause Shake got the bait, make a blind man see Meatwad got your mama in my ride Rollin' up the whole up and then keep the hoes high "Aqua Something You Know" Eh, whatever.
Damn! Are y'all seeing this?! - Hey, my cartoon's on.
- Oh, my lord.
Hey, dummy, my cartoon's on.
Look at all the devastation.
The [bleep] bitch! - Dang.
- Now we gonna change this or what? You whore! Is that that guy that rented our house? Paul? Hey, my cartoon is on.
Now you're still worked out here, remember?! Not anymore! Ha ha! He looks like he's doing something different with his hair.
Let me show you something.
Project Fightan, the Fightin' Titan.
Classified for over 20 years, these blueprints were discovered in the antarctic wasteland by a team of weather scientists, frozen in a block of ice in alien sanskrit.
Linguists could only decipher two words: "Stop Paul.
" Man, you did the narration on this, too? You're popping an awful lot of P's.
You got to watch that.
Not P-a-a-u-u-l.
- Paul.
- Shh! You know, I had a lot of P's in "Open Season 3" straight to video.
They couldn't get my work into the marketplace fast enough.
Quiet, man! This is the best part.
A giant robot, equipped with laser-guided lasers, flamethrower nose, and twin booby cannons.
According to this unknown alien source, this giant robot is the only thing that can Stop Paul.
Well, that's a cool video.
What else is on? This ain't no video, Shake.
It exists.
I know.
But do you have other videos? It's not a playground.
You said you was building me a playground.
- That's right.
You did! - Well, I wasn't.
And this slide is no fun.
Look, I didn't want to alarm you guys, okay? But I knew this day would come.
Looks broken.
It comes in pieces, Shake.
It's a sophisticated piece of joining-robot technology.
So that's kind of why I need other people to help operate it.
- Ooh! I call the head! - No! I'm the head! I'm the loudest person that I've ever met.
It's only natural I'd be in the head of the robot, right where the mouth is.
But the foot is just as important as the head.
The foot kicks stuff, smashes stuff.
The foot is where it's at, man.
But that would mean I'd have to walk.
I want to be the heinie.
'Cause that's where the booty shakes.
You can be up in the head with me and you can work the mustache.
You are the mustache master.
Second some kid breaks his neck going down that slide, I'm gonna be there, laughing.
Hey, Carl, you have anything going on this afternoon? Eh.
I'm pretty slammed.
You think maybe you could find, uh, about Man, this is hard to explain.
No, you want me to run the arms for the giant robot.
Yeah, I got that.
Yeah! Yes, exactly! Wait a minute.
- What the - Where are the arms?! Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.
There we go, kitty.
Are you an itchy kitty? Yes, you No, no, no, don't do that! CPR program, go! No! No CPR! Stop the CPR! Where's the dong on this thing? - I want to run the dong.
- It doesn't have no dong, man.
Well, why doesn't it have a dong? - Yeah, Frylock.
- Look, there's no need for a dong! What about pleasure? Can it, like, drink? Robots gets pleasure from a job well done.
A handjob or a blow job? 'Cause I get some serious pleasure when them jobs are well done! I'm sorry, Carl, but it does not have a dong.
Give it a dong and we'll talk.
'Cause I ain't riding in no woman robot.
They're inferior.
That's why we pay them less.
Look, it's not gender-specific, man! Well, then it's a shemale, 'cause you give it some double-d's over there.
Yeah, those are boobs! Booby-cannons, yes, of course.
But that's weaponry.
Make 'em bounce.
Make 'em go up and down.
You whore! This is where I proposed to you! Ha! Now it's dust.
Bitch! Look, we're running out of time.
Let's just connect and see if we can find Meatwad with the damn arms.
I thought this was a solo mission For the iron boot of justice.
We have to connect.
Otherwise, the damn thing won't work.
I'm sorry, gentlemen, my hands are tied.
I can no longer be involved with the project until you bring it up to spec, crotch-wise.
Fine! I'll weld on a dong, okay?! Yeah! Tonight! Hey, I'm gonna take this for a test-spin! - Wait.
Where you going?! - I'll be back.
Hey, buddy! You need to park whatever that is outside.
You're smashing out all our floor lights.
How'd you like it if I deposit this giant copper foot so far up your fat ass that you'll be tasting pennies for a week? What the hell happened to you? And where's the foot? - I lost it.
- What do you mean you lost the foot?! I got jumped by a street gang when I was field-testing it, which is when I conveniently found out that the bunion rays do not work! So I say we combine right now and smush that guy into liquid! - Guy? - You with me? You said it was a gang, and You smell like gin and smoke-machine oil! There's no way you can smell that on me.
You went to the damn disco, didn't you? I heard screams coming from inside a disco-type place, and I went in to investigate.
Aw, hell to the no! - And you would have done the same exact thing! - No, I wouldn't.
- I told you I was the head! - No, I'm the head, because the head is the I should have been the head or this never would have happened! I know! 'Cause you'd have took the head to the club then that'd be missing, too! Just want to make sure that we're all on the same page, - that that needs to be bigger.
- I know, Carl! Damn it! I know.
I just I just want you to know.
- I ain't no good at doin' this.
- What happened to you? I had an itch, but I didn't pick my nose.
I had an itch.
Then I scratched it wrong.
And then I smushed three kitties and a schnauzer and I helped an old lady across the street like 3 miles across the street.
I think, like, she in the ocean.
Oh, my word.
Have a good day now! Oh.
I got to get me a boogie.
Pick boogie initiate.
So, anyways, I'm thinkin' I want to be the mustache again.
Can I do that? Well, I got a news flash for y'all.
We ain't going no place without a foot.
- Unless - Unless what? Unless you want to drive? - All right, I'll do it.
- Really? But we got to make a side trip to Boston.
Yeah, that's right! Chomp down on that! Hey, Carl, last call for alcohol.
I know how much you like it.
See if they'll sell you 12.
They cut it off after 17.
Yeah! I'm a robot! That was totally worth it.
Wasn't that a rush? You think you got home field advantage? No.
It's an away game When the giant robot is in town.
So where we goin'? You see that cloud of rubble? - You hear those shrieks? - To the, uh the big-ass monster there eating all them skyscrapers, there? I hope you die with the devil's dick in your mouth in hell! Oh, man, we're about to hit the rush hour.
Let me just drop you off right here.
Wait, Carl It's a little bit of a walk, but you'll get there.
I-I need you to run the torso, man.
- I don't want to be a third wheel here.
- Carl! Carl! Hit me on my cell if you need anything, okay? Carl! Oh, man, he bailed, didn't he? We're screwed.
- That's it.
Game over, man.
- No, no.
You run the head.
- Meatwad and I will man the mustache.
- There ain't no damn mustache, Shake! - No mustache? - He'll recognize us! We need to push this back until later in the summer.
He'll forget by then.
No, we're gonna face the music with what we have.
Meatwad, Shake man the arms.
Is this enough space for you, honey?! Paul! Paul! Calm down! It's okay! Who the "f" are you?! Wow.
I'm just concerned about you, man.
Want to talk about it? - She said I was dumb and ugly! - No, Paul.
- You smart and you good-looking.
- That's right, that's right.
Good-looking people get ahead in life 'cause they're tall and good-looking.
Plus, you're white.
- White people get everything.
- Shut up, Shake! - Seen TV lately? - Shake, shut up! Thousands of white people and Beyoncé.
- She lied! - Paul.
- To me! - Settle down, man.
I'll bet it's just a misunderstanding.
Come on, sit down.
I'm here for you.
- Well, I'm with her, getting ice cream.
- Mm-hmm.
And dad is there, and I love my dad, but he's always with us.
Oh, yeah.
And it's weird because he shows up, and I never mentioned - where we were gonna be, but somehow he knew, right? - Okay.
So then she says, out of nowhere, "I have to go to the car to check the air in the tires.
" So I'm like, "okay, that's responsible.
" Uh-huh.
And then dad says he has to go to his car to get his shades, and so I'm like, "Cool.
Get back - soon, 'cause your ice cream's gonna melt.
" - Go ahead.
And like two hours pass, so I'm like, "what gives?" - And I go to the parking lot - Okay.
and they're in my car, and they act all weird when I show up.
And she puts her shirt on real quick, and she's in his lap, and - I'm like, "what's going on?" - Yeah.
And they're all like, "he's just a friend, and why can't I can be friends with your father?" And I'm like, "well, what's his dick doing in your hands?!" She's just trying to get your attention.
She cares about you, man.
I know.
I know she does.
But they left me there, and they knew I didn't have money for the ice cream.
- That's weird, right? - I'm sure her hand slipped, Paul.
That's what they said.
I just I just always feel like people are lying to me and using me Hit the booby cannons.
- What's that? - Oh, nothing.
'Cause I I thought you said "hit the booby cannons," and that would've made me awful mad.
No, I didn't say nothin'.
So, what else happened on your little ice-cream trip? Wait, wait.
Hang on.
I got booby cannons charging.
Why are you charging up booby cannons? - You really want to know? - Why did he say that? Shake, the man is dealing with a lot of pain right now, okay? So let's not talk about what we're doing.
He's gonna be dealing with a lot more pain in about Oh, my God! Paul, tell me more about your girlfriend.
She's really hot.
She dresses like a slut all the time, especially when my dad's around.
And I'm like, "You can wear that to work?" And she's like, "yeah," and I'm like, "okay, well" Hey, yeah, jealousy can make you crazy, you know? Where we at, Shake? You don't even want to know.
And then I go to my dad's, and her car's parked there, and it turns out she's not at work at all! Maybe she quit her job so she and your dad could plan a surprise party for you.
That is exactly what she said.
- Where we at, Shake? - 4%.
No, went back down.