Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - The Dudies

Uh-uh-uh, ooh.
Welcome to paradise.
Now, leave all your worries and other TV shows behind, baby.
It's time "Aqua TV Show Show.
" "Aqua TV Show Show.
" "Aqua TV Show Show.
" "Aqua TV Show Show.
" I said "Aqua TV Show Show.
" "Aqua TV Show Show.
" "Aqua TV Show Show.
" "Aqua TV Show Show.
" I said Master Shake, Frylock, my little homey Meatwad Load us on the beats Yeah, we heavy in the streets Got the whole planet in the Palm of our hands, though So get pumped up for the "Aqua TV " Yeah! Whoo! Boom! Yeah! Woot! Wow.
What a rush.
As a three-time winner of your prestigious award, I stand before you today and say, with complete sincerity that I am number one! Pause here.
Maybe I'll flex.
Uh, who to thank, who to thank? Might pause here to make it look like I'm thinking of someone.
No one! Since no one gets the credit for all the things I've done by myself, for myself, to make me the man I am today.
Then I'm gonna flex again, obvious standing ovation, - make out with the spokesmodel - Three-time winner? Coolest dude ever? Better build a bigger shelf.
I'm a shoe-in for number four.
Eh, these are pretty light for trophies.
You know these are all hollow and plastic, right? Ergonomic.
It's cool to go green, not that you'd know.
That's why I walk to the mall.
Has nothing to do with the fact that I don't have a car.
So, who you competing against in this thing? Look, y'all.
I just got nominated for a Dudie Award.
Merely a child's fantasy.
Let me see that.
Mm.
Well, it does appear to be Time sensitive material.
Mine said that, as well.
"Dear occupant" That matches up.
- Aha! No hologram! - Yours doesn't, either.
I know, so it's very easy to counterfeit these.
Isn't it, Meatwad? That means "fake it.
" Meatwad, I'm proud of you, man.
See? You can do anything you want if you put your mind to it.
Except be cool.
That's my department, so drop out or get dropped hard! - On your head! - Shake, quit being a dick.
- But he started it! - I didn't do nothing.
You rolled in here to agitate me, and I never do nothing to you! Here, Frylock.
You got a letter.
This is from the American Academy of Cool Dude Excellence.
It's real.
There's no hologram! Well, looky looky.
According to this, I'm a judge for this year's Dudie Award.
So I get to decide who's cooler between the two of you.
- Oh.
- Cool.
It's a state of mind.
Where did you get that? It's crappy, and your game is weak! But can I see it? Is it 8 gigs? Let me just Oh, look it's broken.
And I just fixed it.
- Well, let me see it again.
- Shake, you better watch it.
It's cool to be nice.
And I'll show you what else is cool.
Oh, gross.
I mean, this is awesome.
Hoo.
Just chillin' up here with my boys, doing chores, getting mad paid through my allowance.
Get the strawberry.
Meatwad ain't cleaning the gutters! Because Meatwad already took out the trash and picked up his room.
Well, we'll see how clean it is after I get down.
- Get that strawberry.
- Is that a racing game? Can I press your fire button for you? You do the steering, and I'll do the fire button.
You know what's also cool? It's cool to have responsibilities.
Responsibilities are the bomb.
Someone else seems to disagree.
My goodness! "Meatwad suxes"? The nerve of Carl! I just helped him wax his buttocks and backside.
If it were in our yard, we could easily take it down, but that's in Carl's yard.
Shake, how'd it get there in the first place? I don't know.
But I do know that's Carl's opinion, and unfortunately, that's what this country's built on opinions.
You know, a cool person would own up to the fact that they might have done it themselves.
I'm going to look up the word "cool" and see if your definition is actually correct.
Yeah, I knew this day would come.
You want to learn from the master on how to be cool.
- How did you know that? - Go on into the kitchenette.
Nuke me up a pepperoni-cheddar hot sleeve.
And then I can be cool like you? We'll take this one hot sleeve at a time.
No, no.
No, no, no, you're not nodding yet! You ain't agreeing with nobody.
You are banging your head 'cause you're gonna wake the dead, and you are loving every minute of it, and you love her hard, until the break of dawn.
And then you're gone.
Frylock said it's cool to have responsibilities.
No.
You know what I say to that? You crush responsibilities like Angus Young at Donnington! I'm stomping! I'm mad! - You are in control! - Yeah! I'm really feeling it, Carl! That's right.
Even though you rent, you own the place.
Here.
Tie five of these around your leg.
You might have to tie some together, get it all the way around.
So we're ready in case we get bit by a rattlesnake.
Rattlesnakes grow legs and they run when they see us coming.
They don't want any of our venom, because we sting like the scorpion.
Boom-chikka-boom-boom! No, no.
Don't say that.
You say "sweet nectar" when something good happens.
What are you do What are you doing, there? That's a neckerchief.
What poster have you ever seen where they put the zebra stripe around a leg? - This is hair metal 101.
- Oh.
I got it.
So this is for catching crumbs.
Oh, now you got a head bandana down there? Oh, come on.
I color-coded these.
You wrap it like so, so no one can see the flesh tundra beneath 'cause it's covered up with rebellion.
I can barely feel my "Star Wars" wallet in this.
These pockets and zippers, they're for show.
They're not for go.
It adds to the mystery.
"What's he got in there? Mint, change, sex condoms?" Ooh, I hope it's sex condoms.
And when the valet says you ain't supposed to self-park, you open the pocket and you pull out this.
The finger! I know that move! I do it behind Frylock's back, but I know he feels it, the waves coming off of it.
Lexi, wait! No, no.
Don't go.
Peel off another $20 for her.
And then that's when I get to sit in the chair? No.
'Cause it's cool to be cool to your friends.
She'll be ready for you if she's not too wiped out after I'm done satisfying her with this, uh Lap dance she's doing.
But you're not doing nothing.
And it's driving her wild.
Look at her face.
See how she's craving me to stay seated and not touch her at all? Go to the ATM and get me 400 more bucks.
And you just may have earned your diploma.
Boom-chikka-boom-boom! No, you say "sweet nectar"! Remember the fundamentals! I sure hope I win that Dudie Award.
You know, Meatwad, sometimes knowing you did a good job is reward enough.
And sometimes winning a big trophy is award enough What are you jags looking at? Probably never saw anything as cool as me.
Look, y'all, I got to come clean.
I'm not the judge for the Dudie Awards, okay? What about the letter? It said "dear occupant," and there was no hologram! I got nominated for a Dudie, too.
They just send that out to everybody.
- It's just some mail-order scam.
- Tell it to the hand, man! Ooh! It's called fingerless gloves! So get off my case and get off my cloud! 'Cause there's smokin' in this boys rooms.
Shake, look at this, man.
They want you to show up at these awards so they can sell you some condos in Nevada.
I'll see you squares at the Dudies! And you can take a long walk off a longer pier, which crosses a lake where I put jumping killer sharks And now you walk on the pier.
Lates! Frickin' skate! Carl, you're here to cheer me on.
Thanks, man.
I'm here, Shake, because I'm nominated.
You too? Well, where'd you get the moped? This is a chopper, and I rented it so I could blow your ass out of the water.
Well, good luck, 'cause you're gonna need it.
But Here's a little something I bought for you, for all your help.
Ohh! Tweet-tweet! You know this is all just a scam to sell us a condo, right? - But you look cool.
- I know I'm cool.
I'm cool as hell.
But as soon as I get my trophy, and I get done pounding this vegetable tray, I'm out of here like last year.
But as soon as I win, I'm out of here like an empty canister of beer.
Hey! Welcome, dudes and dudettes! Are you ready for the award for the coolest dude ever? Whatevs! Before we do anything, let's take a look at these lovely townhomes in lush Salt Lick, Nevada.
Wouldn't it be cool to live in one of these? - I said, "whatevs!" - I know what you're saying.
You're saying, "Wait a minute, cool guy! Isn't that where they tested all those nuclear warheads a few years ago?" Yes, I'm afraid that's true.
But there's no scientific evidence linking recent radiation to giant mantle-dwelling fang worms, so does that sound cool?! I don't know why they couldn't have just given us the trophies at the thing.
I mean, we got to schlep all the way out to Nevada for the trophy? - Come on.
- Chill out, dad.
He promised that this open house was gonna be the shizzle and that there's gonna be some kick-ass snacks! Did you see the flier? They had slot machines in there and girls that were smiling as they got out of a pool, like real, you know, suggesting stuff.
- And I don't see no pool.
- I see a fool.
Stupid, I'm cool! And it hurts! And now that guy's gonna see me now and know that I've been crying! Everything all right back there? Is everything cool? Yeah.
Hay fever.
I got allergies.
They're not the bomb.
So, what's the dealy-o with these two-bed, two-baths, yo? Hey, I've seen the flier, and I don't see no slots and I don't see no sluts.
But I do see What is that? Is that a missile? Let's go check out this spacious basement really quick! I mean, really, really quick! What's this? Oh, this? It's a fang worm.
I'm-a go get everyone some humus.