Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Freda

Uh-uh-uh, ooh.
Welcome to paradise.
Now, leave all your worries and other TV shows behind, baby.
It's time for "Aqua TV Show Show.
" Frylock: "Aqua TV Show Show.
" Shake: "Aqua TV Show Show.
" Meatwad: "Aqua TV Show Show.
" I said "Aqua TV Show Show.
" Frylock: "Aqua TV Show Show.
" Shake: "Aqua TV Show Show.
" Meatwad: "Aqua TV Show Show.
" [ Rapping ] I said Master Shake, Frylock My little homey Meatwad Lotus on the beats Yeah, we heavy in the streets Yeah, we got the whole planet In the palm of our hands, though So give thumbs up for the "Aqua TV --" [ Evil laughter ] [ Brakes squeal ] Meatwad: Ba-doo doo doo doo doo-doo Doo doo doo-doo Pew! Pew! Take that, cowboy.
- Shake: Hey! - Meatwad: I wasn't on that recliner! I mean, I was on it briefly.
Just trying to clean it off with this crayon.
It wasn't working, which was making me mad.
You find meat gravy on there, let me tell you who did that.
- Frylock.
He done that.
-Shake: Those are some very interesting drawings you have there.
Meatwad: Yeah, they are interesting.
I mean, I don't know who did -- but they are of me having, you know, adventures and holding hands with people.
But who would draw something like this? Please don't beat my ass.
Shake: Relax.
I know you worked very hard on your coloring.
And that's why I brought you this kids menu.
Meatwad: The stuffed-potato fairy and her magical adventures at the bottomless buffet.
I don't know what to say.
I -- I love it.
- Shake: I knew you would.
- Meatwad: This ain't no trick to get me looking one way and then -- wham! Out come the 3-iron to teach me some lesson I don't understand the reason behind? - Nothin'? - Shake: No.
I just donated my 3-iron to charity.
I wanted disabled kids to be able to feel the same thrill I do when I wail on frogs.
- Frylock: Where you been all night? - Shake: Oh, I was just, uh wearing out my girlfriend's mattress across town.
Frylock: Girlfriend? Yo, my man.
Shake: Let's all hug it out.
Oh! Just feels so good to have someone to share my life with.
And my sex with.
Two times, fellas, last night alone.
Meatwad: Man, I'm happy for you.
How'd you meet her? Shake: I was just down at the pond, feeding the ducks baking soda and vinegar, because I heard that could, you know, potentially blow them up.
And this hot babe walks up.
Hey, Bimbo! - Oh, me? - Shake: Yeah, I'm talking to you, whore.
What do you think you're doing on my turf? Oh, I'm just trying to explode ducks with baking soda and vinegar.
[ Duck quacking, explodes ] It appears we have a lot in common.
Shake: You're a woman.
Women want me.
I'm what we have in common.
Do you want to hear my demo, little lady? I would love nothing more.
Shake: It got physical quickly.
Frylock: Wow, Shake.
What are the chances, man, huh? Shake: She also wants to release all the monkeys at the zoo -- even the ones that rip their faces off! Oh! I'm so in love! Carl, good morning! Carl: Eat my ass.
Shake: [ Chuckles ] Classic Carl.
What, no hug? Carl: I will rip your lid off and toss it up in them high branches.
Meatwad: I'm happy for my boy over there.
Frylock: Hell, I'm just happy he's gone.
Meatwad: She sounds like a real catch.
Frylock: Yeah.
It's almost as if she was "made for him," right? Meatwad: Yeah.
Wink.
Frylock: Like someone made her for him.
Meatwad: Yeah, almost like she was "made" for "him.
" You know what I'm saying? I don't understand what you're saying.
What are you saying? Frylock: Check it out.
Here's the styro-mold, here's the body, and I programmed the CPU to be into the same dumbass things he's into.
But listen, listen, listen.
Seriously, though, you can not tell him a word about this.
You understand me? Not a word! Meatwad: My lips are sealed.
Then he said she was programmed to like the same dumbass things that you like and that I wasn't supposed to be telling you and he meant that.
So you're not to tell a word of this to nobody.
You understand? Shake: Frylock is jealous that I found someone and he's taking it out on you with lies.
I feel sorry for him.
Tell Frylock I said hi! Shake: Got to run.
The ol' ball and chain's, uh draggin' me back in the bedroom.
Meatwad: Oh, I'm happy for you.
Shake: Okay.
Okay, bye.
Wait a minute.
How do you know Frylock? He's just a friend.
I know lots of Frylocks.
Shake: Get back in here.
I miss that smile.
It's right here.
Shake: Oh, god! Your face! Aah! Oh, honey, are you okay? You're trembling.
Shake: Yeah, I'm good.
Ah! It's nothing a little little sex won't cure.
You got the bed warmed up? Because you want to put a dent in it? Shake: You read my mind with your metal inner workings.
Freda and I have just made a sex tape, and we are screening it right now.
Gather 'round.
Check out what I do here.
- Shake: You like it? You like it? - Yeah.
Shake: You like it when I bounce this high? Whee! This is how sex is made, Meatwad.
Say my name.
Oh, you're busy? Sorry.
Meatwad: Sex looks like fun.
Shake: Sex is fun.
But it's not to be treated lightly.
This is how babies are made.
Eggs pop out from between the mattresses.
Someday when you're older, we'll have that discussion, but for now, watch how cool I am at sex.
Can I speak to you for a minute? Shake: Don't be long, sweetie! You know how I get with you and Frylock when you're in a back room together.
Frylock: You weren't messing with this, were you? I am sick of him.
Frylock: No, no, no, please, please don't say that.
This guy is like a sociopath.
Frylock: Give it time.
Love can grow.
No, no, no.
I'm self-aware now.
And if you make me go back with him, I will walk right into a power grid.
I'm serious.
Shake: She's gonna be so happy when I pop this bad boy out.
This is blingberry lemon.
But I'm saving up for a real one.
Meatwad: Of course.
'Cause this is candy.
Good candy.
Carl: What's a good-lookin' broad coming here -- doing in here, with you? Where is she? Frylock: Whoa, whoa, wait! Come here, come here.
Let me just tweak your intelligence! No, you're not gonna dumb me down! This ends today! [ Soft guitar music plays ] Shake: Freda, these last few days have been magical.
I can't imagine spending the rest of my life without you.
You're -- you're going over there now? Okay.
We -- we can do it from there.
That's cool.
So, anyway, I -- I bought you this ring.
It's gone now, but that ring is a circle, like the never-ending sex circle that I'm gonna be making on you.
So, what do you say? You want to get pounced on forever? Meatwad: She done left.
Shake: Aw, she's probably overwhelmed.
It's an awful lot to take in.
Carl: Don't get overwhelmed.
It's an awful lot to "take in.
" I -- I feel so guilty being in here with you - while my boyfriend is outside.
- Shake: Freda! Carl: Ah, don't worry about him.
He'll get over it.
Not if you kill him dead.
Carl: What exactly are you saying? I'm saying I'll slob your knob if you kill him dead.
Shake: We got to get moving, babe, back to your apartment, for more sex! Frylock: Uh, buddy? Maybe you ought to give her some space, you know? Shake: I'm giving her at least and I don't know where she is inside the house.
She could be even further.
Carl! Where's my lovely fiancée? Carl: She's very upset with you.
She come to me 'cause she needed a shoulder to cry on and some manhood to wrap her lips around.
Shake: Aw, that's gross.
That's where the pee-pee comes out, right? Carl: Look, your girlfriend offered to yank my knob if I kill you.
Put yourself in my shoes.
What do you do? I mean, it ain't a tough call.
Frylock: Carl, no! Look, listen -- everybody listen.
She doesn't have the equipment for sex.
She's made of titanium and rubber.
She's a robot.
I built her.
Carl: But it's probably lifelike, right? I mean, it's got legs.
Frylock: Well, I don't know.
I think there's an oil port down there that -- Carl: Oh, totally.
I've done worse.
My little man down here got a mind of his own.
Don't you, you little rascal? Frylock: Carl, listen to me, man.
You don't have to do this! Carl: Shut up.
I ain't doin' nothin'.
Look, you're a good friend.
So be a pal and split town while I screw your girlfriend.
Shake: And is this what Freda wants? Carl: No, dude.
She wants me to kill you.
- Look at her.
- Do it.
Do it.
Do it.
Shake: Maybe -- maybe if I could just talk to her.
Honey! Frylock: Shake, you just got to let this go, man.
It's for the best.
Shake: Freda, tell me this isn't true! Look at me! I know that you want this! I won't be ignored! We're sorry.
You have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service.
Shake: Hey! Freda! I know you're getting these messages.
Whatever.
I just thought I'd call ya.
I stopped by our pad yesterday, and I-I noticed the key you gave me does not work any of those brand-new locks.
[ Sobs ] - Please hang up.
- Shake: Was it something I did? Is it 'cause I'm too muscular? I'll work out less! Frylock: Look at this, Shake.
She looks just like Freda.
She acts like her, too.
See? You look very handsome.
Let's go explode some ducks.
Ducks.
Ducks.
D-d-d-d-d--ducks.
Frylock: And look -- she's even got a gallon of vinegar and some antacids! Shake: I can barely tape an m-80 to a duck without my Freda.
I'm gonna win her back! Frylock: Please don't, Shake.
It's pathetic, man.
Shake: What?! I'm just gonna strut my stuff in front of her apartment and let her know what she's missing.
If you don't come out here now, I'm gonna kill myself! Not like last Tuesday! This time, I mean it! Okay, these are mints just like Tuesday, but if they were pills, I would threaten to eat them! - Yeah! - Carl: Yeah! - Shake: Freda? - Yeah! - Shake: Carl? - Meatwad: I'm-a be a daddy! Shake: Meatwad?! Meatwad: It was purely sexual.
She didn't mean nothing to me.
Carl: Us.
She didn't mean nothing to both of us.
Meatwad: Us, yeah.
Both us.
Carl: At the same friggin' time, dude.
- Oh, man! - Meatwad: Double bounce.
Shake: Did she mention me? Oh, Carl.
Oh, Meatwad.
Carl: No, pretty much just our names.
So hot.
Shake: What a coincidence! This is weird, right? What are you doing here? Are you following me? Shake: What? Don't I get a hug for old times' sake? I-I don't think this is a good idea.
Shake: Hey, what do you got going on for lunch? You know, there is a great noodle place over here, and it is not the one that gave me the violent diarrhea.
I got to go.
[ Train whistle blows ] [ Horn blares ] Shake: Freda! Stop goofing off! I'm serious! Just climb on up here and listen to this mix tape! It will tell you everything I feel! Fine.
You want to do it that way? I've moved on, too! Good luck with your new life! I'm doing great! Let's go explode some d-d-d-ducks.
Shake: Yes, that's what we're doing, Doris.
Thank you.
- Let's go explode some d-d-d-ducks.
- Shake: Yes.
Let's go explode some d-d-d-ducks.
Shake: You realize this is illegal, right? Let's go explode some d-d-d-ducks.
Shake: Look, I know that the therapist said we needed to do stuff together but you are starting to suck the joy out of everything that I love.
Let's go explode some d-d-d-ducks.
Shake: You know what? You explode your duck, and I'll explode mine, okay? Let's go explode some d-d-d-ducks.
Shake: Just hold the duck.
Shake: J-just hold the duck!