Aqua Teen Hunger Force (2000) Episode Scripts

N/A - Storage Zeebles

Uh-uh-uh, ooh.
Welcome to paradise.
Now, leave all your worries and other TV shows behind, baby.
It's time for "Aqua TV Show Show.
" Frylock: "Aqua TV Show Show.
" Shake: "Aqua TV Show Show.
" Meatwad: "Aqua TV Show Show.
" I said "Aqua TV Show Show.
" Frylock: "Aqua TV Show Show.
" Shake: "Aqua TV Show Show.
" [ Rapping ] I said Master Shake, Frylock My little homey Meatwad Lotus on the beats.
Yeah, we heavy in the streets Yeah, we got the whole planet in the palm of our hands, though So give thumbs up for the "Aqua TV --" [ Evil laughter ] [ Brakes squeal ] Frylock: And you say you won this at an auction? Carl: Yeah, I paid Randy sight unseen.
Frylock: You know, Carl, uh sometimes, uh, hobos will break in to these things and have, like, group hobo sex.
You ain't here to crush my dreams, fryman.
You are here to grab the other end of it if it's like, you know, King Tut's Tomb or the bones of the elephant man or something.
[ Creatures chittering ] Frylock: Oh, my God! Carl: Yeah, I know! It's bullshit.
Where are all the priceless antiques? Where's the Nazi gold? Frylock: It's a forest -- as far as the eye can see! Carl: If you see a swastika on something, you direct it to me.
I could flip that stuff quick.
I know a guy.
Frylock: This is amazing, Carl.
I think you really stumbled onto something here.
Carl: Eh, maybe.
But probably not.
Here, take this flathead and pry them jewels out of that baby chair.
Please do not touch my throne, oh friendly giant.
You ain't supposed to be living here, sir.
But we have lived here for a big long time, friendly giant.
Carl: And now it's over.
So how about you taste my foot? Frylock: Wait, wait, wait! Carl, don't you understand? This is a whole race of people.
Pleased to meet you! I am Zarfonius, king of the Zeebles.
Carl: No, no, no, no.
We're not friends here.
Frylock: Carl, this must be a portal to another universe.
Carl: Which I now own and control.
I'm having your little baby booster appraised, and then I'll be back tomorrow to take some more of the crap that's in here.
Oh, great! Well, see you tomorrow.
- Bye-bye! - Both: Bye-bye! Carl: Yeah, tomorrow.
Be ready.
He seemed nice.
Did you tell him we've lived here for a big long time? I told him as loud as I could, but he told me to taste his foot.
Wait a minute.
He offered you food and you refused? Maybe I should apologize when he returns.
But I will call him an unfriendly giant from now on.
I know! Let's raise taxes so we can give the unfriendly giant a gift.
Surely the giant will not make us suffer if we give him a gift.
No, the answer is simple.
We must kill the giant.
Oh, come on, Bill.
We are a peaceful race of Woodland Zeebles.
No, we will collect taxes so that we may give this ungrateful giant a gift.
Together: Agreed! Carl: What's this piece of shit? No, thank you.
[ Engine turns over ] Aaaaaaaah! He had no interest in the gift! He could have cared less.
But it was a collage of leaves from the magical forest! No one would turn that down.
Carl: Yeah, yank up them weeds, too.
Oh, all right, okay.
Carl: Put them on the back of the truck and, after a while, they stop talking.
He's taking the wise and all-knowing bushes! The bushes foretold of this! - Is there water on this truck? - I'm sure there will be dirt and water on the truck.
Now he's taking the leaves.
He's gonna make his own collages! That's why we have to kill the giant! No, no, no.
Pay him off.
We can borrow from the chipmunks and pay him off.
Carl: Thinking I'm gonna put a kiosk here to sell them rhinestone cases for cellphones.
Giant! Look over here! Look, it's free money! It's all for you.
Carl: These are friggin' acorns.
Yes, chipmunks value them.
We barter acorns with the chipmunks so that they may protect us from the night wolf.
Carl: Yeah, you see a bird nest, you just hit it with the flamethrower.
We must consult with the tree of wisdom! [ Sawing, wood creaking ] Kill the giant! Please! What are you waiting for?! Oh, no! The tree of wisdom! I know! Look at me -- being dragged away.
- Carl: Hang on.
Whoa, whoa.
- Kill the giant.
Shut up, shut up.
What's that? Is that a waterfall? - Yes, but it's not water.
- Don't tell him.
Carl: Yeah, no shit, dummy.
It's black.
Uh, there's nothing in there, so just stop looking at it! Carl: That's oil! You got oil here! Yes, it's crude oil.
We use the oil to power our dreams! Shh! Shut up! Carl: Think I'm bringing a tanker tomorrow to syphon this whole lake dry.
Yeah, 'cause I hit the jackpot here! Yeah! Good night! [ Sighs ] Okay, bad news.
Uh, the giant has informed me that he will be renting our area out for weddings now.
And he plans to bring in rare-game hunters to hunt our monkey-corns for sport and for meat.
And he wishes that we grow out our beards so that he, uh so that he might sell the hair.
We should have a special election.
Impeach the unfriendly giant.
I agree, in principle, Zorf, but that unfriendly giant, I don't see him going for that.
Well, then give him another gift -- a better leaf collage.
Make it better this time! Together: Agreed! No.
We have to kill the giant.
I don't agree, but I am open to opposing viewpoints, because, let's face it, the collage did not appeal to him in a way that we had hoped.
Yeah, disaster.
We will bake him a blisterberry pie.
And you, Zorf -- we will bake you inside the pie with a knife.
What? Inside of a friggin' pie? And then what? When he opens his mouth to bite, you throw the knife at him and, uh, run.
Let the knife do the work.
Zorf, are you okay with this? Yes, I will do what it takes to save Zeebledelphia.
So we're going with this.
Then I commission the baking of a blisterberry pie! Together: Agreed! Uh, this looks a little sad for our wedding.
Carl: You're referring to the squirrel carcass.
We'll run a broom through here.
The real magic is what's happening in here.
This looks pretty different than the pamphlet that you had us look at.
Carl: Yeah, well, look, we logged out the forest 'cause, you know, we got to make, you know, room for the deejay and the dance floor.
Look, it's your wedding.
You're gonna be so trashed, you ain't gonna remember a thing.
Carl! There's the guy.
The difficult alcoholic giant! How are ya, buddy? Carl: Get lost.
I'm with clients here.
They're gone now.
Carl: Guys, think about it! Summer's booking up really fast! As a show of friendship and peace, we have baked for you a blisterberry pie! Carl: What, you put poison in here? You want to kill me? [ Laughing ] N-o-o-o-o-o! Why? I mean, did you see us do that? Come on! Eat the pie! Eat the pie.
We made it just for you.
Are you kidding me with this thing? It smells delicious.
Engorge yourself on the pie.
Oh, blisterberries.
Come on! Carl: How about you take a bite first? - But -- - Carl: You eat the pie, or I'm gonna force-feed half of it to your mouth and half of it up your ass.
Fine! I will eat the first slice, even though I am not the giant, so if anyone is lurking within the crust of this pie with a knife -- not that they would -- please wait for the second person to take a bite of this fine pie! - Zorf? - No Zorf! Oh, my God! We have baked a man inside of a pie! I told him! I told him the ovens would be too hot! You can't bake a man inside a pie! Well, you should have told us! - I told you.
- That's on you! Carl: These are pretty good.
What you call these, blisterberries? I'll take all of them.
But the blisterberries -- we eat them to survive! Carl: Oh, that's too bad.
I guess you're gonna have to switch to monkey-corn meat.
Oh, come on, man! We're vegans! Carl: You'll figure something out.
'Cause this is coming with me.
And you, woman -- what's your name? Zaffy, you like to swim? Frylock: Hey, carl.
Carl: Oh, hey, red one.
Have you come to "reason with me"? Frylock: I just think you've already made some serious bank on that storage space, okay? So why not just leave them little people alone? Carl: Yeah, I mean, maybe.
I don't know.
What do you think, Zaffy? It's your call.
You own it.
At this point, I need to do what's best for Zaffy.
Carl: That's my girl.
Yeah, she saw the writing on the wall, didn't you, Zaffy? You want me to rub some lotion on them green buns of yours? Frylock: What's this bush for? Carl: Blisterberries.
The juice will screw you sideways.
Zaffy's had three already.
But she is still good to go.
Carl, I can't get a tan here.
Why is my skin not tanning? Carl: 'cause you're friggin' green.
Come on, honey.
You and me are gonna go inside and throw down.
Then we'll go back to ol' magic land over there and take their friggin' sun.
Zarfonius, have you raided the other storage units? We have.
You will distract him with that moose head and wearing those unfashionable neckties.
I will fire at him repeatedly with this antique civil war musket.
When he falls, you Zingo, will surround him with priceless baseball cards and set them ablaze.
And you, Zerbus, will cram old tax records into his mouth until he can no longer breathe.
The alcoholic giant! He has awoken! N-o-o-ow! Carl: Hey, excuse me.
You mind if I put my ladder here? I need it so I can steal your friggin' sun.
No! Without our sun, it will be night always! And the night wolf will hunt us forever and ever until we are dead! Carl: Well, look at that.
It just unscrews off in my hand.
The night wolf! Carl: Get out of here, you mangy piece of -- oh, god damn it! My scrotum!