Ash vs Evil Dead (2015) Episode Scripts

N/A - Ashes to Ashes

Is that lavender? You ready to dance? I'm ready for more than that.
We should get handcuffed together more often.
You wouldn't even know what to do with me.
Ash! I made a little somethin' for ya.
His real hand.
What the hell is this doin' here? You have to bury it deep below the place where your journey began.
Let's go back there, and end it all.
No, you go there, you'd end up possessed, and I would have to cut your heads off, and that would just be bad for everyone.
Where's this big, bad cabin at anyway, Ash? Ash.
Where'd he go? Sorry, Tweety.
Nothin' survives around here.
Jeez.
Honey, I'm home.
Oh Ash, beautiful.
I really love it.
I'll never take it off.
Oh, Jesus! I almost blew your head off! Little on edge, are we? Where's Pablo and Kelly? We split up, to look for you.
Good, it's safer away from here.
Why would you just run out like that? I'm not big on goodbyes.
Ash, you shouldn't do this alone.
I have to do it alone.
Don't you get it? Everybody dies here.
It's just a rule.
Death, taxes, more death, and I don't pay taxes.
So all I know is death.
Fuck the rules.
I'm gonna help you end this.
Lady, I like your style.
Wow.
Last time I was here with a girl, I was hopin' to get laid.
Didn't quite work out that way.
I did cut my own hand off with a chainsaw, though.
It was a fun weekend.
Trust me, you would've never gotten laid here.
Ah, it was a little cozier back then.
Bad memory? That's what this cabin does.
She's a cruel, cruel bitch.
Good.
So am I.
Then let's get to work.
Please Amanda, I need you to die.
So during my little trip, I had a vision about the book being buried here.
This is where it all started, and that's where it's gonna end.
What's down there? Bad things.
- Doesn't look so bad.
- Uh, I wouldn't get too close.
You have a crowbar, or somethin'? Ah, there's probably one out in the work shed.
- Let's go get it, come on.
- Yeah, um - What? - Just a teeny warning.
There's something out there that you probably shouldn't see.
Worse than everything else I didn't wanna see? My ex-girlfriend.
Wait, your ex-girlfriend is in the work shed? Part of her.
It's complicated, maybe I shouldn't go there.
Well, if you don't wanna talk about it She got possessed.
I cut her head off with a shovel, then she did this crazy dance in the moonlight, I put her head in a vice, and I cut it with a chainsaw.
She did have a rockin' bod, though.
I'll stay here.
Just, watch that book.
Smart call.
I'm tellin' you, if you gotta pee, you should just pop a squat, 'cause we're lost.
All right, thanks Boy Scout.
Oh, we're goin' in a circle.
What, you a professional woodsman now? Nope.
Look.
We're back at the car.
That's a good way to tell.
- What are we doing here? - Brad, I think - Heather's just getting tired.
- Hey.
We should ask them where we're headed.
Should be another cabin back there.
- We can go too.
- We're totally lost.
- Hey! - Aren't we? Hello? You have no idea where we are.
Hey! Well hey there.
Hello.
Beautiful night, huh? Brad Uh, mate, mate, we don't want any trouble.
- Yeah, if you wanna rob us, - Hmm? We have no money.
I have pepper spray.
I will shoot.
Is that a flare gun? - Oh, uh, uh - Oh No, no, no.
Uh, it's all right, um, we're the good guys.
These guns, they're for evil bears, evil bears.
There's evil bears in these woods.
We're actually really friendly people.
We are so friendly.
Well, can't be too careful, huh? Bears are a menace.
Listen, we're actually really lost, and we're lookin' for this cabin Oh, um, we passed one awhile back.
I wanted to crash there, but uh, Brad here, wanted to push on.
Rest is the reward, not the goal.
Please, take me with you.
It was just a couple of miles northeast.
Do you know what? Can you just show us? 'Cause we're directionally challenged.
Um - Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, we can show you.
Please Ash.
Please don't hurt me.
You swore, you swore that we'd always be together.
I love you! Long time no see, Linda.
Don't get up.
Just lookin' for a crowbar.
Oh, no you don't.
Oh, come on.
Fisher! Amanda! It's hard to see through the trees and the fog, but up there's the Big Dipper.
He proposed to me by the light of the North Star.
That's real romantic.
So are you two together, or? Who, me and Pablo? - No.
- Huh.
Haven't seen a guy since we started this dumb hike.
Might be nice to have someone to keep me warm for a night or two.
He's got a girlfriend, though.
Oh, of course he does.
Well, maybe I'll find a cute bear.
Yeah, doubt that.
So you go about a half mile down that track, cabin's right there, can't miss it.
Good lookin' out, man.
Thanks.
Hey, you know, you guys shouldn't be wanderin' around these woods alone at night.
Oh, we're fine.
We're at one with nature.
Well I mean, we could stay, one night, you know, maybe.
Thanks man, but we're all good, and nice meetin' you guys.
- Thank you.
- Take care.
Bye.
Can we please stay in a hotel tomorrow? I hate it out here.
- That's tomorrow, - Man, I really hope - we live in the now.
- That they don't end up dead.
Just be at one with nature.
They have pepper spray.
Amanda! Amanda! Ash? No.
We are not talking.
But I'm better now.
Ash, honey? Why won't you look at me? You left me here, Ash.
That's because you were dead.
You killed me.
You turned into a monster.
I loved you.
You loved me, too.
We had a life planned.
I've been so lonely.
No.
You are not alive, I know you're not.
Don't you love me anymore? You're not Linda, you're just a head! Why are you being so mean? Because of that woman, that cop.
You like her, don't you? What about us? You promised you'd take me to Jacksonville after this.
That house on the beach.
- That was for us! - Shut up! She's gonna die here.
We all die.
Everyone you ever loved.
"The Kandarian dagger's handle "is carved of human bone.
"The blade itself seems to have, "otherworldly powers, but when it's placed upon "the Necronomicon, it sears the binding's flesh ".
Oh! Jesus, Ash.
You scared me.
Is everything okay? Amanda, you know, I've been thinkin'.
I think we should just get outta here.
I thought you want to end this.
It's easier to just run.
I've done it before.
You just leave all this shit behind, and start over.
I mean, my God, Amanda, haven't you had enough? Of course.
I'm living a nightmare, but you don't you have a responsibility? Why me? Why do I deserve all this? You know I'm right.
Why don't we, you and me, just get the hell outta here, and go somewhere we can start all over? You and me? Is that such a horrible idea? Look, I like you Ash, I do.
Never thought I'd say that to a crazed, chainsaw-handed, Deadite killer.
The best I could ever know, but I know, I know that I'm not anybody's idea of a great catch.
- Well I wasn't sayin' that.
- No, let me finish.
I'm-I'm tryin' to be honest here, and it's hard.
I'm not anybody's idea of a great catch, I got that.
I mean, look at my life, I work in a trailer trash discount store, I've got a book that summons evil spirits, but you know, before all that happened, I had a future, and it didn't involve, chainsaws, and shotguns, and demons, and I just wanna, I wanna see if I can find that guy again.
Do you think you could help me? I don't know.
Maybe? I'd like that, Amanda.
I really would.
Okay, Ash.
This is not the time, or the place.
Amanda.
Life is short, you know that.
Mmm Ah I've been dreamin' about that.
Oh my God! What is that?! That's the whole me.
What the fuck?! You just grew another hand?! It's a lot more complicated than that.
It's disgusting.
What happened to it? What's the matter? - It looks sick! - Well beggars can't be choosers.
It looks like the hand that Ruby had.
- Oh God.
- Okay.
- What happened? - All right, all right.
Maybe I grew another hand, or maybe the hand grew another me.
What's the difference, Amanda? What's important is I can give you everything you want, and I want you.
Is that so bad? I mean come on, a minute ago, you wanted me, too.
Yeah, that's before I found out you were just some creepy tumor, that grew out the stump of a possessed hand! Name calling, is not nice.
Don't you fuckin' touch me! Oh! Ash.
You-you can't save her.
Everyone you care about dies! Shut up, I can get to her! No you can't! You don't need her.
You already have a girlfriend, you have me.
Come over here.
I'll suck you off.
I give good head.
You can skull fuck me good.
It's the best you're gonna get, Ash.
No woman will want you! Stop it! Maybe you'd like me better like this.
Well, I guess the honeymoon is over.
You broke my heart.
Now, I'm gonna break your fuckin' skull! Yeah, who's fuckin' sick now?! What's the matter, huh? All choked up? Oh, you smell good! Um, what is that? Lavender? No! Oh thank God.
Oh it's gone.
I'm free, of that hand.
Must've gotten into me.
Made me do those horrible things to you Amanda.
I am so sorry.
Now the good news is, I still have this hand, to finish the job! No! Now that's what I call cleavage.
Don't worry Amanda.
It'll all be over soon.
About a minute, give or take.
Oh, oh, careful.
Watch your step.
Oh, ho, ho, ho.
What are the odds? Looks like you're a little caught up there.
If it's any consolation, that's exactly how your partner felt when he was dying.
Whoa! Ah! That was a gift! You're gonna be alone forever! We'll make sure of that.
You think that cop even likes you? You think you can make a life with her? You fool! She's gonna die.
You already killed her! Yeah? You always talk too much! Amanda, we knew who you were the first time we saw ya.
We knew you were gonna try and help Ash.
You won't be helping him now.
You won't be helping anyone.
Fuck you! We're gonna send you all back! By burying the book? Good luck with that, doll eyes.
My dumb twin can't do anything right.
Oh, look at the time.
I should go, and you should die.
Amanda?! Amanda! Ash! Amanda.
Oh my God.
What the hell happened? Your hand it grew, another you.
What? That's crazy.
- We could've been great.
- Oh.
Oh baby, I'm so sorry.
This is all my fault.
It's better where you're goin'.
Well, better to have loved and lost, and boy, did you lose.
Ash?! Jesus.
Did she turn into a Deadite? No.
Wait, so you killed a real person? No, I didn't do this.
I did do it, but it wasn't me.
Well uh, it wasn't this me.
It was another one.
I saw him! Ash, what did you do? I'm tellin' ya there's another me around here! Come on out, you ugly bastard! Olly, olly, oxen free.
Lookin' for me? You didn't deserve her, Ash.
I know, 'cause I'm just like you.
Well, then that means you got a trick knee! Oh, my trick knee! Sore kidneys! Fake teeth! Bum shoulder! Soft balls! - Time to - Time to - die! - die!