Axe Cop (2013) s01e07 Episode Script
No More Bad Guys
Babies are dumb.
Anita says I need to spend more time with Uni-baby.
Plus, she can be super helpful around the office.
Check this out.
I wish for my cold coffee to be hot coffee.
Mmm.
Hot coffee.
- Amazing, right? - I wasn't looking.
I was updating the list of all bad guys on earth, And there is only one bad guy left to kill.
Really? When did this happen? Last night, when I killed Oh no.
Now we'll be out of work.
Axe Cop, what are we gonna do for money? Guys, we could get jobs at Tom's Fruit Stand.
I'm best friends with Tom, the owner.
He lets me call him Thomas.
Axe Cop, This is the chief of the normal police.
We need your help.
There's a giant robot destroying the city.
This giant robot wouldn't happen to be named Psydrozon, would it? Yes.
Yes, it is.
Perfect.
One day, at the scene of the fire The cop found the perfect axe.
That was the day he became Axe Cop! So he had tryouts and hired a partner.
I will chop your heads off! No More Bad Guys There he is.
Whoa, hold the phone.
What kind of swords are those? Dino-swords.
We're getting out of here! This ain't a job for normal cops.
I'll chop your evil dinosaur heads off! Oh no! I got dinosaur blood on me.
Aw, are you kidding me? I'm a dinosaur now? I'm going to call you Dinosaur Soldier.
Axe Cop! The laser.
Move! No no, whoa, no no! No! Uni-baby! I did it.
I killed everyone on the bad guy list.
Uni-baby, you're alive.
Uh-oh, where's her horn? Oh man.
Anita's gonna kill me.
Axe Cop, you gotta help me look for Uni-baby's horn.
No time, Dinosaur Soldier.
We need to see if this thing can do stunts.
Look, roundhouse.
I wish to be a bad guy.
Flute Cop, Uni-baby, how was your day together Oh my gosh.
Where's her horn?! Uh, where's her horn? It was just her baby horn and it fell out.
That must mean her adult horn is coming in, huh? Or the truth is Axe Cop threw her at a giant robot and it fell off.
I looked for the horn, and I just couldn't find it.
Look, you're a father now.
And I can't always be worried if or what - you're going to come home as.
- You noticed that, huh? I can't do this anymore, Dinosaur Soldier.
You don't have to.
We killed all the bad guys.
It's over.
We start our new jobs in the morning.
A whole new life starts tomorrow.
All right, here you go.
Two bananas.
Yo, dudes.
Who's hungry for apples, because here's a bunch of them.
And where'd they come from? Apple Planet.
Boo-yah.
Axe Cop, can you help us out with some of these customers? Nope, I'm looking through a book about gorillas.
Gorillas are awesome.
I bet they can punch really hard.
Perfect.
I thought I'd miss killing bad guys, but selling fruit, it's pretty cool.
I'm going to call you Avocado Soldier now.
Yeah, what's the deal here? Why am I the only one that turns into stuff? You're not.
Look, I'm Axe Cop with lemon.
Hey, Axe Cop with lemon.
How much for a coconut? Hey, Baby Man.
How's tricks? Working at a fruit stand now, eh? Yeah.
Axe Cop killed all the bad guys.
Oh, did he? All right.
I'll see you later.
- That guy is creepy.
- Yeah, no kidding, buddy.
Full grown man in a baby suit.
Next.
Three, four, five dollars.
Here's your cut, Axe Cop.
Axe Cop, you can look at that list all night long, but nothing's gonna change.
There are no more bad guys on earth.
You'll get used to life in the slow lane.
Uh, hey, bro.
You want to grab a mega-gulp and ride the choo-choo train at the Mexican supermarket with me? Mm, no.
Suit yourself, amigo.
All right.
See you in the morning.
"over"? I knew it.
"Baby Man.
" Honey, it's 5:30, and look who's walking through the door.
You're an avocado now? That's true, but you're missing the point.
I'm safe and I'm home early for game night.
When was the last time that happened? Well, I guess you're right.
And truth be told, I do like kissing an avocado way more than I like kissing a dinosaur.
Come in, Avocado Soldier.
What? What do you want, Axe Cop? I was right.
There is one more bad guy on the list.
Baby Man.
What are you talking about, Axe Cop? We all know that Baby Man's a good guy.
Not anymore, he's not.
We're going on a night mission to kill him.
I got a better night mission for you.
Why don't you go home and catch some zs? Don't forget, you've got the opening shift at the fruit stand tomorrow.
Smells like baby powder.
- Hey, Axe Cop.
- Baby Man.
Let's have a little play date.
Back at my Baby Man cave.
No.
I don't play or go on dates with babies.
You know, I really wish you would.
This was gonna be my baby headquarters.
Bringing a certain kind of sweet justice that only a man with the power of babies could provide.
- Do you understand what I'm saying? - I'll chop your head off! You see, ever since I was a baby Baby Man, I wanted to be on your team.
I watched all your awesome fights and I practiced all your cool moves.
For my first birthday, I even asked for an axe rattle.
Like an axe rattle that a baby would have.
So you can imagine my excitement when I finally heard you were having tryouts.
I waited in line all month just to show you my moves.
But you didn't care.
Babies are dumb.
Next! You didn't even let me try out.
But now, I'm going to make you watch me.
You ever listen to Rockin' Robin on w.
A.
X.
E.
Radio? No.
It's my personal favorite.
Why I Why I love you You say we'll never part our life's complete those are all the 16 reasons why I love you.
Shake what your baby gave you.
I want to hear you say baby's on the team.
Baby made it.
Baby Man made it on the team.
Say it.
I want to hear you say it.
- That tryout was gross.
- What? No no no no no.
No.
I wish for a rattlesnake.
Kill him.
To death.
Uno! Ha! You didn't even say "uno," Avocado Soldier.
Pick seven.
Avocado Soldier, are you even paying attention? I'm sorry.
I just can't help but think Axe Cop is in trouble.
But I thought you killed all the bad guys on the bad guy list.
I thought so too.
But he said this thing about Baby Man turning bad.
You know what? I'm just gonna swing by Baby Man's Baby Cave, see if everything's okay.
Hey Axe Cop, - can I be on your team? - No, you can't.
'cause I'm such a big mean stinky poopy pants.
Oh, that's okay.
'cause I'm gonna kill you anyway.
Oh my God.
I'm too late.
Axe Cop's dead.
- Yes, he is.
- Wait, what? I let Baby Man kill me so I could come back as a ghost and untie myself.
Shh.
How are you alive? I just tied you up and killed you.
That's my "Let Yourself Die And Turn Into A Ghost" Secret Attack! Axe Cop, wait.
- Don't kill him.
- Why? Do you want to do it? Can't you see? Deep down, Baby Man's not a bad guy.
He's just a dumb guy.
Well, I guess I can't kill you.
I wish for Baby Man to not be dumb anymore.
The power of evil is nothing compared to the power of the human spirit.
Hey, look at that.
Little Baby Man's a genius.
- Now, can I be on the team? - Oh, I wish.
There's no more bad guys for us to fight.
- Now that you're a good guy.
- What about aliens? Did you kill all the aliens too? Are all aliens good or bad? I don't know.
I think some are good and some are bad, just like people.
There's a huge grey area.
You know, it's not black and white with aliens.
Then I wish for all aliens to be bad so we can kill them.
- Now we're talking.
- Let's go.
Axe Cop, hold up.
Umm, real quick.
Just a little favor.
Can you wish for me to be Flute Cop again? Sure, I wish for Avocado Soldier to be a gorilla with robo-gun fists and a red bow tie! No no no! Oh! What?! I wanted to be normal.
But I wanted you to be better.
Hey everybody, look at me.
I'm riding a train.
And I gotta go to the bathroom.
Next stop, El Bano.
I've got dibs all night, dude.
Guess what? My friends are all showing up in just a minute and we're gonna see how many grown-ups can fit on this thing at once.
Anita says I need to spend more time with Uni-baby.
Plus, she can be super helpful around the office.
Check this out.
I wish for my cold coffee to be hot coffee.
Mmm.
Hot coffee.
- Amazing, right? - I wasn't looking.
I was updating the list of all bad guys on earth, And there is only one bad guy left to kill.
Really? When did this happen? Last night, when I killed Oh no.
Now we'll be out of work.
Axe Cop, what are we gonna do for money? Guys, we could get jobs at Tom's Fruit Stand.
I'm best friends with Tom, the owner.
He lets me call him Thomas.
Axe Cop, This is the chief of the normal police.
We need your help.
There's a giant robot destroying the city.
This giant robot wouldn't happen to be named Psydrozon, would it? Yes.
Yes, it is.
Perfect.
One day, at the scene of the fire The cop found the perfect axe.
That was the day he became Axe Cop! So he had tryouts and hired a partner.
I will chop your heads off! No More Bad Guys There he is.
Whoa, hold the phone.
What kind of swords are those? Dino-swords.
We're getting out of here! This ain't a job for normal cops.
I'll chop your evil dinosaur heads off! Oh no! I got dinosaur blood on me.
Aw, are you kidding me? I'm a dinosaur now? I'm going to call you Dinosaur Soldier.
Axe Cop! The laser.
Move! No no, whoa, no no! No! Uni-baby! I did it.
I killed everyone on the bad guy list.
Uni-baby, you're alive.
Uh-oh, where's her horn? Oh man.
Anita's gonna kill me.
Axe Cop, you gotta help me look for Uni-baby's horn.
No time, Dinosaur Soldier.
We need to see if this thing can do stunts.
Look, roundhouse.
I wish to be a bad guy.
Flute Cop, Uni-baby, how was your day together Oh my gosh.
Where's her horn?! Uh, where's her horn? It was just her baby horn and it fell out.
That must mean her adult horn is coming in, huh? Or the truth is Axe Cop threw her at a giant robot and it fell off.
I looked for the horn, and I just couldn't find it.
Look, you're a father now.
And I can't always be worried if or what - you're going to come home as.
- You noticed that, huh? I can't do this anymore, Dinosaur Soldier.
You don't have to.
We killed all the bad guys.
It's over.
We start our new jobs in the morning.
A whole new life starts tomorrow.
All right, here you go.
Two bananas.
Yo, dudes.
Who's hungry for apples, because here's a bunch of them.
And where'd they come from? Apple Planet.
Boo-yah.
Axe Cop, can you help us out with some of these customers? Nope, I'm looking through a book about gorillas.
Gorillas are awesome.
I bet they can punch really hard.
Perfect.
I thought I'd miss killing bad guys, but selling fruit, it's pretty cool.
I'm going to call you Avocado Soldier now.
Yeah, what's the deal here? Why am I the only one that turns into stuff? You're not.
Look, I'm Axe Cop with lemon.
Hey, Axe Cop with lemon.
How much for a coconut? Hey, Baby Man.
How's tricks? Working at a fruit stand now, eh? Yeah.
Axe Cop killed all the bad guys.
Oh, did he? All right.
I'll see you later.
- That guy is creepy.
- Yeah, no kidding, buddy.
Full grown man in a baby suit.
Next.
Three, four, five dollars.
Here's your cut, Axe Cop.
Axe Cop, you can look at that list all night long, but nothing's gonna change.
There are no more bad guys on earth.
You'll get used to life in the slow lane.
Uh, hey, bro.
You want to grab a mega-gulp and ride the choo-choo train at the Mexican supermarket with me? Mm, no.
Suit yourself, amigo.
All right.
See you in the morning.
"over"? I knew it.
"Baby Man.
" Honey, it's 5:30, and look who's walking through the door.
You're an avocado now? That's true, but you're missing the point.
I'm safe and I'm home early for game night.
When was the last time that happened? Well, I guess you're right.
And truth be told, I do like kissing an avocado way more than I like kissing a dinosaur.
Come in, Avocado Soldier.
What? What do you want, Axe Cop? I was right.
There is one more bad guy on the list.
Baby Man.
What are you talking about, Axe Cop? We all know that Baby Man's a good guy.
Not anymore, he's not.
We're going on a night mission to kill him.
I got a better night mission for you.
Why don't you go home and catch some zs? Don't forget, you've got the opening shift at the fruit stand tomorrow.
Smells like baby powder.
- Hey, Axe Cop.
- Baby Man.
Let's have a little play date.
Back at my Baby Man cave.
No.
I don't play or go on dates with babies.
You know, I really wish you would.
This was gonna be my baby headquarters.
Bringing a certain kind of sweet justice that only a man with the power of babies could provide.
- Do you understand what I'm saying? - I'll chop your head off! You see, ever since I was a baby Baby Man, I wanted to be on your team.
I watched all your awesome fights and I practiced all your cool moves.
For my first birthday, I even asked for an axe rattle.
Like an axe rattle that a baby would have.
So you can imagine my excitement when I finally heard you were having tryouts.
I waited in line all month just to show you my moves.
But you didn't care.
Babies are dumb.
Next! You didn't even let me try out.
But now, I'm going to make you watch me.
You ever listen to Rockin' Robin on w.
A.
X.
E.
Radio? No.
It's my personal favorite.
Why I Why I love you You say we'll never part our life's complete those are all the 16 reasons why I love you.
Shake what your baby gave you.
I want to hear you say baby's on the team.
Baby made it.
Baby Man made it on the team.
Say it.
I want to hear you say it.
- That tryout was gross.
- What? No no no no no.
No.
I wish for a rattlesnake.
Kill him.
To death.
Uno! Ha! You didn't even say "uno," Avocado Soldier.
Pick seven.
Avocado Soldier, are you even paying attention? I'm sorry.
I just can't help but think Axe Cop is in trouble.
But I thought you killed all the bad guys on the bad guy list.
I thought so too.
But he said this thing about Baby Man turning bad.
You know what? I'm just gonna swing by Baby Man's Baby Cave, see if everything's okay.
Hey Axe Cop, - can I be on your team? - No, you can't.
'cause I'm such a big mean stinky poopy pants.
Oh, that's okay.
'cause I'm gonna kill you anyway.
Oh my God.
I'm too late.
Axe Cop's dead.
- Yes, he is.
- Wait, what? I let Baby Man kill me so I could come back as a ghost and untie myself.
Shh.
How are you alive? I just tied you up and killed you.
That's my "Let Yourself Die And Turn Into A Ghost" Secret Attack! Axe Cop, wait.
- Don't kill him.
- Why? Do you want to do it? Can't you see? Deep down, Baby Man's not a bad guy.
He's just a dumb guy.
Well, I guess I can't kill you.
I wish for Baby Man to not be dumb anymore.
The power of evil is nothing compared to the power of the human spirit.
Hey, look at that.
Little Baby Man's a genius.
- Now, can I be on the team? - Oh, I wish.
There's no more bad guys for us to fight.
- Now that you're a good guy.
- What about aliens? Did you kill all the aliens too? Are all aliens good or bad? I don't know.
I think some are good and some are bad, just like people.
There's a huge grey area.
You know, it's not black and white with aliens.
Then I wish for all aliens to be bad so we can kill them.
- Now we're talking.
- Let's go.
Axe Cop, hold up.
Umm, real quick.
Just a little favor.
Can you wish for me to be Flute Cop again? Sure, I wish for Avocado Soldier to be a gorilla with robo-gun fists and a red bow tie! No no no! Oh! What?! I wanted to be normal.
But I wanted you to be better.
Hey everybody, look at me.
I'm riding a train.
And I gotta go to the bathroom.
Next stop, El Bano.
I've got dibs all night, dude.
Guess what? My friends are all showing up in just a minute and we're gonna see how many grown-ups can fit on this thing at once.