Axe Cop (2013) s01e10 Episode Script
28 Days Before
GREY DIAMOND: Check it out, bros.
I brought my world-famous string cheese and ketchup casserole, and the potato salad should be here right about now! - Liborg! (Laughs) - What's up, best friend? - This is my first Axe Thanksgiving.
- That's awesome.
- You're in for a real treat.
- Axe Cop makes the best Turkey.
Hey, where is Axe Cop? He's probably still with the farmer.
Why would Axe Cop be with the farmer? You see, each year on the night before Thanksgiving, Axe Cop gives back to the community.
Okay, so first he sneaks into the farmer's farm and does all the farmer's chores, right? He collects all the eggs, he bales all the hay, - he milks the cows, the goats.
- (Animal noises) (Grunting) Yeah, pretty much any animal that could possibly be milked, Axe Cop is gonna milk that animal.
And then in the morning, the farmer comes down and sees that all of his chores have been done for him.
Next, he goes hunting in the magic forest.
All the animals are super nice to him.
And they let Axe Cop go right up to them so he can kill them.
- (Gobbles) - (Shouts) GREY DIAMOND: Then Axe Cop mails one dead animal to every family in the world to cook on Thanksgiving.
(Laughs) Now that's the spirit of Thanksgiving.
Axe Cop is probably still with the farmer.
I'll give him a call.
- (Rings) - This is the farmer.
Hey, farmer, is Axe Cop still there? That son of a gun never showed up! I'm going nuts here! The farmer said Axe Cop never showed up.
Oh no, where's Axe Cop? He's missing! Axe Cop is missing! BOY: One day, at the scene of the fire the cop found the perfect axe.
That was the day he became Axe Cop! So he had tryouts and hired a partner.
AXE COP: I will chop your heads off! - (Doorbell chimes) - (Baby cries) Oh, hey, Axe Cop.
Aren't you too old to be trick-or-treating? Too old to be trick-or-treating alone.
Anita, can Flute Cop go trick-or-treating with me tonight? Of course, but don't stay out too late.
Hey, look, even if I did want to go trick-or-treating, - I don't have a costume.
- Hmm.
Give me that baby! I wish for Flute Cop to turn into Ghost Cop! (Screams) (Coughs) Oh, smoky.
The best part of your costume? You can fly through bad guys and leave grenade bombs inside them! Well, hopefully this evening won't come to that.
Let's go! (Kids chattering) - Wolvi! - (Screaming) What the heck? Raisins? Hey, it's okay, buddy.
Halloween's just getting started.
- (Doorbell chimes) - BOY: Trick or treat! Oh, aren't you just adorable? - I'm Axe Cop.
- No, you're not.
There's only one Axe Cop, and he's dressed up as a wolvi.
Now hand over the candy, lady.
Well, isn't that an interesting candy bucket? You bet your sweet bippy it is.
It glows in the dark.
It can light up the whole world.
Now hurry it up! I'm never going to get - to 1,000 candies at this rate.
- (Coins clink) What the heck? Pennies? It's been like this all night, Axe Cop.
I've hit every house in the city.
No one has any candy.
Did you try the cul-de-sac up by the golf course? - Last year they had red licorice! - This year crayons.
- What about the big house on the hill? - Bookmarks.
- Big, giant bookmarks.
- No! I hate books! It's like all the candy on earth is gone! I'm done trick-or-treating - Forever.
- Don't say that! - Too late.
I just did.
- (Clatters) Well, this Halloween has been a certified bust.
I guess you win some and I guess you lose some, and this some we lost.
No, I always win some.
So buckle up, Ghost Cop, we're not going home until we have 1,000 candies! But you heard the kid None of the houses have candy.
Wrong! He said none of the houses on earth have candy.
- Wexter! - (Roars) - (Growls) - I know a house that has the best candy.
To uni-planet! Axe Cop, I don't see uni-man's house anywhere.
Of course you don't.
It's invisible.
- It is? Why? - So bad guys can't find it.
See? Over there.
- You feel anything? - No.
This guy is such a genius.
An invisible house.
Wait, I think I found something.
- An invisible doorknob.
- Awesome! (Men grunt) - (Doorbell chimes) - AXE COP: Trick or treat! Axe Cop, Ghost Cop, fantastic costumes.
Let me get you some candy.
- You know I have the best candy.
- See? I told you.
Impossible.
This bowl was just filled with those big-sized candy bars You know, like the ones you get at the cinema - But now it's filled with - Raw vegetables? Hmm.
Something fishy is going on.
Let's go to my uni-lab and consult my C.
T.
M My candy tracking machine.
Hmm, if I adjust the caramellometers and scan for sugartivity, Ah! There she is.
AXE COP: All the candy in the universe seems to be heading to Thanksgiving World.
- This is terrible! - Wrong! It's fantastic! Every year, I look for the perfect house with the most candy, and it looks like we just found it.
There's just one problem, Axe Cop, despite its name, Thanksgiving world is a very scary, dangerous planet ruled by the one and only "Turkey Turkey" and his evil army of evil pilgrim soldiers.
Let me pull up my T.
T.
F My Turkey Turkey file.
You see, if you don't clip a Turkey's wings, they will never stop growing.
And when Turkey Turkey was a baby, he dodged his master's attempts to clip his wings.
- (Screams) He escaped his torment and was able to grow into a giant Turkey with huge wings.
- He was raised by falcons - (Screeches) who taught him how to claw and bite with his super sharp beak.
And if that weren't enough, he can dive-bomb and throw razor-sharp feathers hidden on his body.
COMPUTER: Warning! Warning! (Beeps) I beg you do not go to Thanksgiving planet.
It's a suicide mission.
(Roars) Mmm.
Are you sure you should be picking candy up off the ground? Race you! (Sighs) Hey, didn't you say your candy bucket - glows in the dark? - Don't you know it.
Huh.
That's weird.
This doesn't look like a regular cave.
Mmm.
It tastes like carrots, celery and onions.
Oh no! Axe Cop, it's mirepoix! We're in a giant oven! - Gobble gobble.
- If it isn't Turkey Turkey.
- Hand over the candy! - Too late, Axe Cop! I've already eaten it all.
There's no more candy left in the universe.
But if there's no candy, - there's no Halloween! - Exactly, and now Thanksgiving is the best holiday in all of autumn.
Whoa! Wait, that's why you wanna ruin Halloween? Because it's better than Thanksgiving? Of course! How can Turkey compete with candy? It can't! And from now on, it don't have to.
(Laughing) - Nice try, Turkey Turkey.
- (Gas hissing) But you can't stop me.
(Yawning) I'm Axe Cop.
Oh no, it's tryptophan.
(Yawning) It's making me so tired.
Why don't you two take a nice month-long nap? I like my Thanksgiving dinner well-rested.
Nighty-nighty.
(Whispers) Gobble gobble.
EVIL PILGRIMS: Gobble gobble gobble.
Happy Thanksgiving, my evil pilgrims! Gobble gobble gobble.
And what a special Thanksgiving it is Axe Cop and Ghost Cop are the main course! Looks like we're finally done for, good buddy.
But since it is Thanksgiving, I'm thankful I'm spending my last moments with you.
I love you, man.
- Anything you wanna say to me? - Yes.
While we were sleeping for 28 days, I dreamt that we'd be saved by a man with the power of all the seasons.
- Huh.
- His name is Season Man, and in my dream I also learned that he is married and has quadruplets.
I'm afraid that really doesn't help us.
Dreams are just dreams.
They're not real.
Not my dreams.
Everything I dream comes true.
- (Wind howling) - SEASON MAN: Turkey Turkey! (Evil pilgrims scream) - See? - Season Man! - (Wind gusts) - (Grunts) - (Shouts) - Ah! Thanks for dreaming me up, Axe Cop.
My pleasure, Season Man.
- (Grunts) - Oh! (Laughs) I'm dying, Axe Cop.
Don't worry, Season Man.
Next time I fall asleep, I'll dream up the perfect father to marry your wife and take care of your quadruplets.
- Thanks, Axe Cop.
- Shh shh.
Save your strength for dying.
Well, Axe Cop, it looks like I'm going to have to kill you the old-fashioned way I'm going to rip you apart and peck you to death.
There's only one problem When you weren't looking, Ghost Cop flew through your body and left a grenade bomb inside of you.
- (Pin rattles) - Best Halloween costume ever.
Wait! What? (Rumbling) He's missing! Axe Cop is missing! If I were missing, how could I be here? Hey, Axe Cop! Where have you been, bro? It took a whole month, but I finally collected 1,000 candies! - (Cheering) - Yeah! I'm gonna eat all of the candy all at the same time! Yay! - What about the Turkey? - Liborg's right.
You can't have Thanksgiving without no Turkey.
This year we're not having Turkey.
Uh, what? We're having Turkey Turkey.
(Grunts) - GHOST COP: All right! Turkey Turkey! - GREY DIAMOND: I call the leg! - GHOST COP: I want the wing! - It's delicious! What about you, Axe Cop? You a white meat guy or dark meat guy? Neither.
I'm a head meat guy.
(Cricket chirps)
I brought my world-famous string cheese and ketchup casserole, and the potato salad should be here right about now! - Liborg! (Laughs) - What's up, best friend? - This is my first Axe Thanksgiving.
- That's awesome.
- You're in for a real treat.
- Axe Cop makes the best Turkey.
Hey, where is Axe Cop? He's probably still with the farmer.
Why would Axe Cop be with the farmer? You see, each year on the night before Thanksgiving, Axe Cop gives back to the community.
Okay, so first he sneaks into the farmer's farm and does all the farmer's chores, right? He collects all the eggs, he bales all the hay, - he milks the cows, the goats.
- (Animal noises) (Grunting) Yeah, pretty much any animal that could possibly be milked, Axe Cop is gonna milk that animal.
And then in the morning, the farmer comes down and sees that all of his chores have been done for him.
Next, he goes hunting in the magic forest.
All the animals are super nice to him.
And they let Axe Cop go right up to them so he can kill them.
- (Gobbles) - (Shouts) GREY DIAMOND: Then Axe Cop mails one dead animal to every family in the world to cook on Thanksgiving.
(Laughs) Now that's the spirit of Thanksgiving.
Axe Cop is probably still with the farmer.
I'll give him a call.
- (Rings) - This is the farmer.
Hey, farmer, is Axe Cop still there? That son of a gun never showed up! I'm going nuts here! The farmer said Axe Cop never showed up.
Oh no, where's Axe Cop? He's missing! Axe Cop is missing! BOY: One day, at the scene of the fire the cop found the perfect axe.
That was the day he became Axe Cop! So he had tryouts and hired a partner.
AXE COP: I will chop your heads off! - (Doorbell chimes) - (Baby cries) Oh, hey, Axe Cop.
Aren't you too old to be trick-or-treating? Too old to be trick-or-treating alone.
Anita, can Flute Cop go trick-or-treating with me tonight? Of course, but don't stay out too late.
Hey, look, even if I did want to go trick-or-treating, - I don't have a costume.
- Hmm.
Give me that baby! I wish for Flute Cop to turn into Ghost Cop! (Screams) (Coughs) Oh, smoky.
The best part of your costume? You can fly through bad guys and leave grenade bombs inside them! Well, hopefully this evening won't come to that.
Let's go! (Kids chattering) - Wolvi! - (Screaming) What the heck? Raisins? Hey, it's okay, buddy.
Halloween's just getting started.
- (Doorbell chimes) - BOY: Trick or treat! Oh, aren't you just adorable? - I'm Axe Cop.
- No, you're not.
There's only one Axe Cop, and he's dressed up as a wolvi.
Now hand over the candy, lady.
Well, isn't that an interesting candy bucket? You bet your sweet bippy it is.
It glows in the dark.
It can light up the whole world.
Now hurry it up! I'm never going to get - to 1,000 candies at this rate.
- (Coins clink) What the heck? Pennies? It's been like this all night, Axe Cop.
I've hit every house in the city.
No one has any candy.
Did you try the cul-de-sac up by the golf course? - Last year they had red licorice! - This year crayons.
- What about the big house on the hill? - Bookmarks.
- Big, giant bookmarks.
- No! I hate books! It's like all the candy on earth is gone! I'm done trick-or-treating - Forever.
- Don't say that! - Too late.
I just did.
- (Clatters) Well, this Halloween has been a certified bust.
I guess you win some and I guess you lose some, and this some we lost.
No, I always win some.
So buckle up, Ghost Cop, we're not going home until we have 1,000 candies! But you heard the kid None of the houses have candy.
Wrong! He said none of the houses on earth have candy.
- Wexter! - (Roars) - (Growls) - I know a house that has the best candy.
To uni-planet! Axe Cop, I don't see uni-man's house anywhere.
Of course you don't.
It's invisible.
- It is? Why? - So bad guys can't find it.
See? Over there.
- You feel anything? - No.
This guy is such a genius.
An invisible house.
Wait, I think I found something.
- An invisible doorknob.
- Awesome! (Men grunt) - (Doorbell chimes) - AXE COP: Trick or treat! Axe Cop, Ghost Cop, fantastic costumes.
Let me get you some candy.
- You know I have the best candy.
- See? I told you.
Impossible.
This bowl was just filled with those big-sized candy bars You know, like the ones you get at the cinema - But now it's filled with - Raw vegetables? Hmm.
Something fishy is going on.
Let's go to my uni-lab and consult my C.
T.
M My candy tracking machine.
Hmm, if I adjust the caramellometers and scan for sugartivity, Ah! There she is.
AXE COP: All the candy in the universe seems to be heading to Thanksgiving World.
- This is terrible! - Wrong! It's fantastic! Every year, I look for the perfect house with the most candy, and it looks like we just found it.
There's just one problem, Axe Cop, despite its name, Thanksgiving world is a very scary, dangerous planet ruled by the one and only "Turkey Turkey" and his evil army of evil pilgrim soldiers.
Let me pull up my T.
T.
F My Turkey Turkey file.
You see, if you don't clip a Turkey's wings, they will never stop growing.
And when Turkey Turkey was a baby, he dodged his master's attempts to clip his wings.
- (Screams) He escaped his torment and was able to grow into a giant Turkey with huge wings.
- He was raised by falcons - (Screeches) who taught him how to claw and bite with his super sharp beak.
And if that weren't enough, he can dive-bomb and throw razor-sharp feathers hidden on his body.
COMPUTER: Warning! Warning! (Beeps) I beg you do not go to Thanksgiving planet.
It's a suicide mission.
(Roars) Mmm.
Are you sure you should be picking candy up off the ground? Race you! (Sighs) Hey, didn't you say your candy bucket - glows in the dark? - Don't you know it.
Huh.
That's weird.
This doesn't look like a regular cave.
Mmm.
It tastes like carrots, celery and onions.
Oh no! Axe Cop, it's mirepoix! We're in a giant oven! - Gobble gobble.
- If it isn't Turkey Turkey.
- Hand over the candy! - Too late, Axe Cop! I've already eaten it all.
There's no more candy left in the universe.
But if there's no candy, - there's no Halloween! - Exactly, and now Thanksgiving is the best holiday in all of autumn.
Whoa! Wait, that's why you wanna ruin Halloween? Because it's better than Thanksgiving? Of course! How can Turkey compete with candy? It can't! And from now on, it don't have to.
(Laughing) - Nice try, Turkey Turkey.
- (Gas hissing) But you can't stop me.
(Yawning) I'm Axe Cop.
Oh no, it's tryptophan.
(Yawning) It's making me so tired.
Why don't you two take a nice month-long nap? I like my Thanksgiving dinner well-rested.
Nighty-nighty.
(Whispers) Gobble gobble.
EVIL PILGRIMS: Gobble gobble gobble.
Happy Thanksgiving, my evil pilgrims! Gobble gobble gobble.
And what a special Thanksgiving it is Axe Cop and Ghost Cop are the main course! Looks like we're finally done for, good buddy.
But since it is Thanksgiving, I'm thankful I'm spending my last moments with you.
I love you, man.
- Anything you wanna say to me? - Yes.
While we were sleeping for 28 days, I dreamt that we'd be saved by a man with the power of all the seasons.
- Huh.
- His name is Season Man, and in my dream I also learned that he is married and has quadruplets.
I'm afraid that really doesn't help us.
Dreams are just dreams.
They're not real.
Not my dreams.
Everything I dream comes true.
- (Wind howling) - SEASON MAN: Turkey Turkey! (Evil pilgrims scream) - See? - Season Man! - (Wind gusts) - (Grunts) - (Shouts) - Ah! Thanks for dreaming me up, Axe Cop.
My pleasure, Season Man.
- (Grunts) - Oh! (Laughs) I'm dying, Axe Cop.
Don't worry, Season Man.
Next time I fall asleep, I'll dream up the perfect father to marry your wife and take care of your quadruplets.
- Thanks, Axe Cop.
- Shh shh.
Save your strength for dying.
Well, Axe Cop, it looks like I'm going to have to kill you the old-fashioned way I'm going to rip you apart and peck you to death.
There's only one problem When you weren't looking, Ghost Cop flew through your body and left a grenade bomb inside of you.
- (Pin rattles) - Best Halloween costume ever.
Wait! What? (Rumbling) He's missing! Axe Cop is missing! If I were missing, how could I be here? Hey, Axe Cop! Where have you been, bro? It took a whole month, but I finally collected 1,000 candies! - (Cheering) - Yeah! I'm gonna eat all of the candy all at the same time! Yay! - What about the Turkey? - Liborg's right.
You can't have Thanksgiving without no Turkey.
This year we're not having Turkey.
Uh, what? We're having Turkey Turkey.
(Grunts) - GHOST COP: All right! Turkey Turkey! - GREY DIAMOND: I call the leg! - GHOST COP: I want the wing! - It's delicious! What about you, Axe Cop? You a white meat guy or dark meat guy? Neither.
I'm a head meat guy.
(Cricket chirps)