Bad Girls (1999) s06e08 Episode Script

'l've just been faxed the postmortem report on Alison McKenzie.
' Cause of death wasn't viral.
- Oh, shit.
- Meaning it's murder.
This time make sure you get the fatal dose directly into her mug.
- Coffee? - Thank you.
You stole a bag from the Yardies.
Rick wants it back and he's using me to find out where you hid it.
l'm using him to get my life back.
Good girl, Darlene.
Nobody steals nothing from me.
Needle perforations in the packaging.
They're saying they've got proof it's not a killer virus been doing the rounds here, but a poisoned hamper.
The combination's 3-1-1-7-8.
Tanya Turner, l'm arresting you on suspicion of murder.
Right, out of here.
Don't come back.
You see you You and me have unfinished business.
See? Any time, mate.
Why the hell would l poison anyone? You tell me.
But someone poisoned nine women on G Wing.
And one of them, Alison McKenzie, is dead.
Well, l'm telling you.
lt's got bugger all to do with me.
- Food from your hamper poisoned them.
- So you say.
lt, ermust have been tough for you in here.
Prison nosh not much cop after The lvy, l dare say.
Then there's the company.
Some of them don't exactly give you the red carpet treatment, l suppose.
- l'm tougher than l look.
- l'm sure you are.
- Maybe you decided on a little payback.
- Please.
With biscuits shaped like a keyhole.
You've got a sick sense of humour.
Do you really think those shitty biscuits came from my hamper? The screws messed around with that parcel before l knew about it.
What they didn't snaffle, the cons had.
So you weren't getting treated like a VlP? You're not listening to me, are you? Every word, Tanya.
Well, you won't hear another one till you get me my lawyer.
Now, about the rhubarb - Rhubarb? - Yeah.
You do grow rhubarb, don't you? Yeah, and the kitchen makes a shit crumble with it.
Only with the stalks.
What do you do with the leaves? The poisonous stuff.
The what? Oxalic acid.
lt's obtained from rhubarb leaves.
That's what made everybody ill.
That's how Alison McKenzie was murdered.
We suspect that Tanya Turner laced the contents of her hamper with it.
Jesus.
She couldn't have got it from the garden herself, so the question is who helped her? Wha' gwaan, Terence? (Whimpers) Do you have any idea how hot this gets? Hmm? You think Darlene knows? - That's hot, you know.
- (Moans) Only take 15 to melt steel.
What do you think it's going to do to your balls? lt's a good thing your sister loves you.
She come good, man.
And you best come good as well.
Otherwise me and you will be experimenting, see? Taxi this boy back home for me.
Where are we going? We're putting you on segregation for your own protection.
What? l didn't kill anyone.
Do you want to tell Al McKenzie's friends that, see if they believe you? No, didn't think so.
l'm going to prove l knew nothing about those biscuits.
- What biscuits? - They may have ended up in my hamper.
But l swear to God, they didn't start there.
(Bev) Tanya Turner being arrested doesn't mean we're off the hook, does it? What is going to happen when nasty Natalie gets out of hospital and finds we failed to finish off Myers? l don't know.
l've never heard you could read the future in baked beans, so either eat them or leave them alone.
Oi, you two, that shitting rhubarb.
The cops have got me down for helping poison that hamper.
Rhubarb leaves, they're poisonous.
- Oh, are they really? - How fascinating.
lt's what killed Al.
And the police are all over me for it, only it's you who wanted the sodding rhubarb, not Tanya Turner.
- But only for some hooch.
- Did you tell the police about us? - l'm not a bloody grass.
- No, of course not.
Good.
Good.
But l'm warning you, the cops are on the rhubarb trail.
How are we going to get the hooch out of the servery right under their noses? We don't, darling.
We leave it right where it is, then if the police or the screws find it, the finger of guilt is pointing in the perfect direction.
Not ours.
Our priority is to purge our cell.
So do you want a cake tomorrow or what? - What? - Blimey, Ju, you can't have forgotten.
Tomorrow.
lt's our birthday.
Oh, yeah.
Dunno.
Maybe you're right.
Bollocks to birthdays.
l suppose we've seen the best of 'em.
Oh, Ju, l didn't mean Oh, shit! - What you do with Tanya? - l'm in a hurry, Darlene.
Me and she have to talk.
lt's important.
You can't.
She's been put on the seg unit for her own protection.
Them people stupid if they think Tanya poisoned us.
lt's more likely a crazy screw.
You keep your mouth shut.
Eryou know these biscuits l brought in for everyone? What about 'em? Tell me they didn't end up in Tanya Turner's food hamper.
l don't know what to say.
Fancy forgetting your birthday after the year you've had.
l'm so sorry, Ju.
lt don't matter.
lt's just my birthday.
lt's not yours, really, is it? lt's just a bit of nonsense.
Of course it's not.
We're soul twins, me and you, born under the same star.
Wellmaybe.
What do you mean maybe? Of course we are.
We always thought like that? Come on.
What is it? Mr Hedges.
l've seen you.
The way you look at him, Ju.
He's a screw.
(Tannoy) 'End of lunch time.
'Lockup commencing' - Ju.
Quick, Fenner's coming.
Right, you two, time for lockup.
Do you mind? Don't worry.
Nothing l haven't seen before.
So glad you're keeping the flame of gallantry alight, Mr Fenner.
My pleasure.
Oh, by the way, is there any news from hospital on poor Natalie Buxton? She's fine.
She should be back on the wing in time to join you for association.
You're a dead bitch, Turner.
l want to see my lawyer and l want to see him now! Do you hear me? Get me my lawyer now! l wasn't even here when the poisoning happened.
l was on leave.
Look, l used to be wing governor.
Maybe you resent the fact you're not now.
No.
l care about the women in here.
l would not want to kill them.
But you did send in some home-made biscuits that ended up in Tanya Turner's food hamper.
l came here to tell you as proof of my innocence.
Oh, everybody's innocent, Miss Barker.
Until proven guilty.
Nice to see you back on your feet.
lt's nice for you to say so, Mr Fenner.
The truth's the truth, even in this place.
No disrespect to the dead, but who's going to miss a cracked mug like Al McKenzie's? But a face like yours, well, almost makes my day in here worthwhile.
- Only almost? - Give it time.
lt's a shame about Miss Myers.
- What, getting better, you mean? - l thought she was dead.
Dead? No such luck.
- Now, that is a shame.
- That's enough talk like that.
Listen to me.
You want to topple Myers, all you've got to do is keep me informed.
Anything going down, you tell me.
Understood? - Sylvia! That stupid, stupid cow.
- Hey, calm down.
What's the problem? You will never believe what that old hag's done.
Only put my biscuits into Tanya's hamper.
- What? - The police, they think l did it.
- They think l poisoned everyone.
- With the biscuits? lt's not my fault.
lt's Myers.
She'll have been telling them all sorts about me.
Oh, just great.
Just great.
Bloody marvellous! What the hell did you have to send those bloody biscuits in for anyway? Just when things are going good again, you become the prime suspect as the G Wing poisoner.
Ohshit! - Shit, shit, shit, shit! - Calm down.
You need your tablets.
l don't need any bloody tablets! Don't worry about it, love.
lt'll be all right.
You're innocent, aren't you? What are they going to do? You've always got me to look after you.
- Yeah.
- You've got nothing to worry about.
How could you tell? l ain't got cancer in the brain, Ju.
lt's obvious.
Think l'm awful, fancying a screw? l should have told you.
l know.
We had an agreement.
No more lies, whatever it was.
You should have writ it in the book.
l know.
l've been a cow.
Sorry, Ju.
Do you forgive me? l'm blowed if l'm going to let it spoil our birthday.
Come here.
Listen, mate, you being happy, that is all that matters to me.
Right, l'm off to area.
This time, l deserve the hammering they're going to give me.
Oh? lt was my decision to let Tanya Turner have that hamper.
We still don't know it was the hamper.
- The police seem fairly convinced.
- Ackroyd is clutching at straws.
There's no motive.
Besides, Turner was poisoned.
- As was Yates.
- Well, exactly.
None of it makes sense.
Ackroyd isn't just barking up the wrong tree.
He's in the wrong bloody forest.
- l see where this is going.
Buxton.
- She fits the frame a hell of a lot better.
- Drop it, Frances.
- What? You're no longer a police officer.
This fixation won't help the investigation, or your role as wing governor - let it go.
Let's just see what we get from the blood tests.
Oh, l can't wait to see mine.
- You ready to talk to me now? - Not really.
Tough.
l'm talking to you.
That bloke you've been seeing, he was here earlier visiting Darlene Cake.
- What bloke? - l've seen you, Frances.
Have you been following me? Who l see or what l do, in or out of work, is none of your business, Colin.
l warn you, he's bad news.
You shouldn't hang around with him.
Right, well, you've got that off your chest.
There's nothing l hate more than a jealous man.
Well, that counts me out, cos a jealous man's supposed to give a toss.
(Key in lock) Right, you old bitches.
- (Laughs nervously) - You're very keen.
We were planning to stay in our cell and practise yoga.
So if you wouldn't mind just locking us in again.
Mr Fenner, you know you asked me to keep my ear to the ground? Have you got something for me? Yeah, l might have.
- (Knocking) - Come in.
Jim, as you can see, l'm up to my eyes.
Well, if that's your way of telling me to piss off, fine.
But l told you l'd prove who knows what about running G Wing.
Go on, then, only l'm not playing Cluedo.
No games, Neil, except the ones the Costa Cons are playing.
What's that? - This is rhubarb hooch.
- Rhubarb? lt's up to the boys in blue to say whether it has any bearing on the investigation, but you should ask your wing governor to explain how she never found this.
This is valuable evidence.
The Cons have been brewing up under her nose.
Right.
Well, just leave it with me, then.
Sure, as long as you remember who found it.
Frances? That's that.
lt's blocked.
Oh, no.
lt's a pity your repertoire of masculine skills doesn't include plumbing.
- We haven't got a plunger.
- This is hopeless.
Party's over.
Oh, no, and no one invited us.
Tell me about the hooch you've had going at the servery.
We don't know anything about any hooch in the servery.
Cut the bullshit and you might spare yourselves a life stretch for murder.
- What are you talking about? - You are up to your armpits in rhubarb.
No, you're just talking rhubarb.
Sausages, crisps Oh, cheese straws, of course.
What time does it kick off tomorrow? l'm in the mood for a party.
- Five o'clock.
- Oh, Mr Hedges.
- Julie, what is it? - l was wondering, see Me and Ju, it's our birthday tomorrow.
- Congratulations.
- Cheers.
You know the women in here think you're a top bloke.
And it's just that l want to give Ju the best surprise of her life.
How do you mean? And Kris'll be up for it as well, won't you? (Myers) Lock it.
- Shit.
- The hooch.
Fact, the hidden still was found on G Wing.
Fact, you and your cellmate were found disposing of pages from what could be described as a poisoner's handbook.
Bev and l were making a little booze, l admit it.
What can l tell you? This place is drier than a Bahrain Bar Mitzvah.
Kris Yates acquired the rhubarb, as much as we needed.
Bless her.
- And the book? - There was a moonshine recipe.
Yeah and a top ten of back yard poisons.
Wouldn't a wine-making book be more appropriate? Of course, but this is a prison.
Home-brewing books are banned.
Well, as for who poisoned the wing, l've really no idea.
Anyone could have got their hands on rhubarb leaves from the garden.
Absolutely anyone.
Hard day at work? Oh, God, Terence.
ls that you? Oh, l been losing my mind.
You all right? The question is who put the screws onto the hooch.
- Somebody must have.
- They must have done.
Don't look at me.
l warned Bill and Ben the cops were after their flipping rhubarb.
How come nobody warned us to shift it? - Nobody warned us about nothing.
- Yeah? - Don't blame me the screws found it.
- No, blame me.
l told them about the hooch.
- What? - What the bleeding hell for? Fenner's got it in for Kris.
He told me he was going to make sure you got the blame for everything.
- Eh? - Why would Fenner tell you that? Because he says l'm his type of woman.
l thought, ''OK, l'll play along with that.
'' So you landed Phyl and Bev and maybe me and Ju, and Tine an' all, in it.
- lt's our servery, you know? - For Christ's sakes, can't you see? The cops will know we all had a stake in the rhubarb for making the hooch.
So there's no excuse to blame Kris, even if some was used to make the poison.
Yeah, thanks, Nat.
Come on, Ju.
- l don't need you to come to my rescue.
- l know.
l just thought we should all look out for each other.
So the police didn't take you away, then? They were perfectly satisfied our only interest in rhubarb was for a tipple.
Yeah.
Don't bet on it, ladies.
Soyou never told me what kind of work you do now, Frances.
What? Well, l know you're not a Babylon any more.
Sowhat kind of work do you do now? Just an office job.
You You try play fool to catch wise.
- You lying bitch.
- l think you'd better go.
Hey, l know you, woman.
You is wing governor of Larkhall Prison.
A lie, huh? What do you want, Rick? A favour.
Got business at Larkhall.
lt won't take long.
Just bring me in there, no questions asked, then we're done.
What business? You don't worry about it, see? - You'd better go before l call the police.
- And tell them what? Everything? You going to tell them about us? That will do your career a lot of good.
All right.
l'll do what you want me to do.
But then l never want to see you again.
l pro Look.
Promise.
But youdon't try and trick me.
See? Otherwise you'll never get over me.
That's a promise, too.
Frances, don't keep - l walked into a door.
- No way.
He did that to you, didn't he? l put down everything we know about the poisoner, everyone who was ill and what we know about them.
lt leads back to the servery.
- Where Jim found the hooch.
- lt's got nothing to do with the hooch.
- Two of the sick women were teetotal.
- Turner's hamper was poisoned.
Suppose the poison was put there to throw us off track.
Speculation, Frances.
Besides, there's been a development.
l spoke to Dl Ackroyd last night.
The biscuits in the hamper came from Di Barker.
- What? - While it was in the PO's office.
ltems were removed from the hamper and the biscuits made up the difference.
So you think Di was poisoning everyone? She was sending me poison-pen letters.
Now she's got a taste for the real thing.
- Why? - She's unbalanced, Frances.
She wants to bring me down.
Maybe this is her way of doing it.
l discussed the possibility with Ackroyd.
He couldn't spot shit in a cow shed.
He's still in charge of the investigation.
You're not.
So l suggest you let him get on with his job and you get on with yours.
(Door slams) (Sobs) Let me out of here, you bastards! The contents were poisoned after Sylvia went through it.
- l've spoken to her and she wasn't ill.
- Thank you.
l'll bear that in mind.
Good.
Bear this in mind, too.
The victim must have come into contact with the poison some other way.
Maybe there was more than one poisoner.
(Knocking) - Sir.
- Thank you.
l've still got a gut feeling about Buxton.
Why was l the only screw to get a dose? Blood test results on the sick women, including yours.
All tested positive for oxalic acid.
- lncluding Buxton? - All except one.
Tanya Turner.
So there you are, then.
That confirms my suspicions about Turner.
No, it doesn't.
All that proves is she wasn't poisoned.
- Not that she poisoned everyone else.
- This is Dl Ackroyd's investigation.
Look, the point is l never ate from that hamper.
Whoever did this isn't stupid.
This killer is cunning.
She's two steps ahead of you, Tony.
lf you're so good at this, how come you're not still in the job? l might not still be in the job, but l'll be damned if l let you nick an innocent woman for this.
- Frances! - (Door slams) Ackroyd might be the Met's prize imbecile, but it won't make an ounce of difference if Buxton serves us up on a plate.
l'm damned if l'm doing life in this place.
lf you've got something up your sleeve, it had better be an ace.
l've only got one card left to play.
lt's not a bloody joker.
l thought this was over.
lt's not.
l didn't poison anyone.
The reason that l was sick is because l'm bloody pregnant.
All right? Your pervy doctor's mind was on other things when he examined me.
Pregnant? Yeah.
So do l get out of here now? First you'd better tell me about Rick Revoir.
Never heard of him.
Why should l have? Don't try and be cute, Tanya.
lt won't work with me and it won't work with him.
(Sniffs) He contacted me, said he could get me off.
Said he had some desperate bastard willing to admit he planted drugs on me.
- Must be a good friend of yours.
- Yeah, right.
He wanted information about one of the other cons.
Darlene Cake.
- lnformation? - About the location of a missing bag.
- But you haven't given it to him? - l'm not stupid.
l realised early on l couldn't trust Rick, so l fixed myself some insurance.
Before Darlene told Rick where it was, l got friends to move it.
That way Rick couldn't get it till l got out.
You shouldn't piss around with him.
You speaking from experience? There's a mystery guest coming.
- A what? - Who's that? l don't know nothing about no mystery guest.
- lf you did, it wouldn't be no mystery.
- Oh, Ju, give us a clue.
Nah, you'll have to wait and see.
But l tell you, this is going to be the best birthday ever.
- Colin, quick, over here.
- What is it? Looks like another two poison victims.
Golf 7, require medical assistance on landing.
Well? Look, l assume you're not here just for the view, sowhat is it? l thought it was about time we had a little chat, Neil.
Man-to-man.
Don't get your hopes up, or anything else.
l haven't turned queer.
What's this about? Well, just that, l'd say, wouldn't you? You're out to get me, cos l don't fancy you.
You seem to have forgotten who found that hooch and getting the cops to harass Di proves just what a sad little arse bandit you are.
Di was under police investigation.
lt had nothing to do with me.
As for you, Jim, you're just a bigoted, scheming chancer, whose luck's in serious danger of running out.
Well, everyone's entitled to their opinion.
Mine is it's you on the way out.
Oh, really? And how's that? l'll refresh your memory, shall l? ''l know you're the man for the job.
''l also know that l don't make a habit of climbing into bed with my staff.
'' Later, when l'd kicked you out my bed, you said, ''lt would be a shame to spoil everything you've got going for you.
'' What the hell is this? The truth.
My union lawyer suggested l log it as evidence.
Evidence of what? You see, the great thing about equal opportunities is is that er even if your boss is gay, he can still get done for doing the dirty on you.
(Groaning) - Hold it.
- They're on their way to hospital.
- l reckon it's another poisoning.
- Do you? lf you think this is going to work, you can forget it.
Buxton's already tried the same trick.
Doesn't matter how much you groan and puke.
Go and get their stomachs pumped.
Cops aren't getting very far with this.
They must be missing you.
All right.
l admit it.
You were right about Rick.
l could see that this morning.
There's more to it than this.
lt's not just about me.
Really? And do you think l give a shit any more? - l hope so.
- Why should l? Because l need your help.
That changes everything, does it? You treated me like crap.
Please.
(Dials number) (Phone) - Myers.
- 'Yeah, it's me.
Me reach.
' And don't disappoint me.
'lt's all set up.
Sign in at the gate and l'll meet you at the visitors' reception.
' Jesus, do you know the risk l am taking, bringing you in here? Not my problem.
When l saw you in that bar, l should have walked straight out.
Be quick.
l was supposed to be meeting my brief.
What's he doing here? You and l have got some talking to do.
(Myers) Five minutes.
No, you can't leave me with him.
Why'd you break our agreement, Tanya? l didn't.
You'll get yours when l get mine.
l'm an honourable man, Tanya.
And l told you, you help me and l'll help you.
What's really in that bag? You're going to a lot of trouble for a bit of smack.
What's in that bag is mine is all you need to know.
Now, where is it? Otherwise what happened to Terence, Darlene's brother, will be a joke compared to what l'll do to you.
'Such good times.
' - This is one hell of a risk, Frances.
- lt's got to be done.
l need a guarantee you're going to get me out of here.
- That was the deal.
- You tried to double-cross me, Tanya.
- The deal's off.
- What? You're a pretty girl, in't ya? Hmm? You know, once you got out of here, we could have hadsuch good times.
But l don't think you're going to get out of here, Tan.
Shit! Where is the bag? - Where is it? - (Screams) We got to finish our business, eh? Argh! Bitch! Well done.
Get her out.
You're still a dirty copper.
My old mates down the nick have got your bag in safekeeping.
They found the fake passports in the lining.
They damaged it in the process, but you can practise your needlework to fix it, sewing mailbags.
Screw you.
You still know how to appeal to my feminine side.
For old time's sake, l'll make you a deal.
lnstead of you taking the rap for all this and every other unsolved Yardie crime on the Met's books, you can admit to planting coke on Tanya Turner.
No way.
Are you sure about that? Because they've got a lot of unsolved crimes.
The papers will want a picture of the copper who got Tanya Turner out of jail.
Thank you, Colin.
l'm glad l could depend on you.
Could you take Turner back onto the wing and help her collect her things? Actually, l've got something else l have to do.
( Brass band) (Julie S) Ju, you look lovely.
All you need now is a man to appreciate you.
- Where's this mystery guest? - He ain't turned up yet.
lt's a bloke? lt's like being five.
They'll be wheeling out jelly and ice cream next.
lt was you who gave away the hooch.
A bucket of rhubarb piss.
lt was hardly going to make the night go with a bang.
Maybe it's a male stripper.
lf it was, l wouldn't share him with you.
Watch it.
She'll be in your knickers faster than you can say Dusty Springfield.
Thanks for looking out for me, Mr Fenner.
The guy gives me the creeps.
What did he want? Let's just forget about him.
l was actually starting to have a good time.
They seem to be enjoying themselves.
Yeah.
You know, l feel a bit like celebrating myself tonight.
l promise you, soon it's going to be goodbye, Grayling.
Celebrate now, if you like.
(Darlene) Tanya.
Tanya.
You do good, Tanya.
You do good.
- Terence, him all right, him OK.
- Oh, thank God.
We've nailed Rick.
He's on his way to the police station.
- You're joking? - Look after yourself, sweetheart.
- l'm out of here.
- You what? (Music stops and women mutter) l thought you'd want to know Tanya's lawyer went to the appeal court today to secure her bail, pending release.
- (Women) What? - (Ju) Lucky cow.
lt's supposed to be our birthday.
(Myers) She was wrongly convicted, but that's been put right.
l'm sure you'll all be pleased to see that the system does work out sometimes.
- Go on, girl.
- (Kris) Jammy bitch.
- You're letting a murderer go free.
- Tanya did not poison that hamper.
Well, who the bloody hell did, then? l'm afraid the investigation has run into a brick wall from lack of evidence.
- So does that mean the case is closed? - No case closes until it's solved.
So anyone who wants to come forward and confess, l will be waiting.
See you later.
(Women scream) (Whooping and wolf-whistling) Well, since my baby left me l've found a new place to dwell Well, it's down at the end of Lonely Street That's Heartbreak Hotel, oh, baby Heartbreak's so lonely Heartbreak's so lonely Heartbreak's so lonely l could die Although it's always crowded You still can find some room For broken-hearted lovers to cry there in the gloom Oh, baby, so lonely Heartbreak's so lonely Heartbreak's so lonely l could die Now, the bellhop's tears keep flowing, the desk clerk's dressed in black (Knocking) (Sobs) Just go away, will you? What's up? ls it Fenner? You're not on your own, hating the bastard, you know? Fine.
Let's all wear a badge.
But as far as you're concerned, l'm still wearing one that says nonce, aren't l? (Sobs) Oh, God.
Heartbreak's so lonely, baby Heartbreak's so lonely Heartbreak's so lonely l could die (Cheering) Elvis! Elvis! Elvis! (As Elvis) Happy birthday, Julies.
Oh, Ju.
That was wonderful.
That was like a dream come true.
lt's dreams that kept us going all those years.
- See the way he was looking at me? - Yeah.
He sung right from the heart.
Yeahand a kiss.
Oh, Ju, thank you.
This is the best birthday ever.
l'd better go and thank him for being such a star.
Colin.
That's a side to you l've never seen before.
You're very good.
Yeah, well, it's something l can fall back on when l leave here.
Forget that resignation.
Rip it up.
Everyone else believes me.
How comes you can't? Doesn't time fly when you're having fun? You can have as much fun as you like now.
Stay out of trouble until the appeal date.
Don't take this personally, but l really hope l never see you again.
l'm going for the full-on public crucifixion.
All over her like a teenager with a big, soppy crush.
- What? - Geeson.
Didn't tell me you were into uniforms.
lf you don't tell me the truth, l'll bloody - What? You'll what? - Don't tempt me.
Ah! Jesus!