Batman s01e52 Episode Script

Audubon.
My personal favorite.
Sorry about the intrusion, sir, but at least you've been ransacked by a man of impeccable taste.
Two days out of prison and you're back to your old games, Penguin? You again and again and again! No! So today's the day, huh? Planning on making a big splash? No need.
They never forget the true elite.
Well, they got a lot to remember you by.
But this time, I'll reclaim my perch in high society as an upstanding bird.
I've learned my lesson.
Never again.
Come.
The cream of society awaits.
A limousine is no doubt at the ready.
What's the matter, Penguin? Maybe the cream of society's curdled, huh? You coming or not? I got a schedule, you know.
And a lovely disposition to go with it.
Well, this is hardly the style to which I am accustomed.
Glad you like it.
I'm slipping, Pierce.
Only 24 invitations this month.
Oh, my dear, you're practically out.
It's high time you threw a party.
- And make it the biggest bash ever.
- Yes, yes, but how? I'm out of charities until spring at least, and there are no interesting celebrities.
Remember when the Joker crashed Muffy Van Alten's last affair? He robbed us blind, but hey, what a giggle.
Yeah, it was amusing.
But the Joker's yesterday's news.
Then have a peek at today's.
I love it! I'd best prepare myself for the welcoming throngs.
Well, fellow rogues, it's great to be back.
If you're trying to surprise me, you're doing an excellent job.
Say, who's there? Two-Face? Croc? Joker, old shoe.
None of the above, Penguin.
- Oh, no.
Not you.
- Get used to it.
- Wherever you go, I'll be right behind you.
- Precisely where you belong.
But you needn't bother.
Haven't you heard? I've reformed.
Paid my debt to society and all that.
We'll see.
I just came to tell you to keep your beak clean.
As long as you're here, won't you stay for a cappuccino? Just what I need, a bat in my belfry.
Hold on.
Hold on, I'm coming.
Hello.
Mr.
Cobblepot? Veronica Vreeland here.
Veronica Vreeland? The Veronica Vreeland? Yes.
And I'm sure there's only one Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot.
- I've so wanted to meet you.
- You have? Are you free for dinner tomorrow? 7-ish at Angelo's? They do a darling calamari.
Oh, certainement, my dear.
I'll see you there.
And get this.
Then I said, "But, warden, those aren't my pants.
" Oh, Ozzie, you are such a rogue.
- Table for two? - Is that who I think it is? Come along, Binky.
We've already been robbed once this year.
Such an enchanting evening.
But tell me, my dear, what are you hatching? Whatever do you mean? There's more to our encounter than meets my eagle eye, isn't there? Why, Oswald, how could you think such a thing? I've always been captivated by your rapacious wit.
Not to mention that fine Roman nose.
Naturally.
Come, let us fly, my dove.
Garçon, the check, if you please.
With respect, signore, the management offers the meal with his compliments if you will just leave.
They seem to know you quite well.
Have you eaten here before? I've been known to stop by for a quick carryout.
Hey, I smell money.
By the by, Ozzie, in two days, I'm throwing a small do intimate almost, just 100 or so of my dearest friends.
I'd be delighted.
You are inviting me, aren't you? Yes! Okay, you know the drill, fatso.
Wallet, jewels, cough them up.
You insolent curs.
Don't you know who I am? Not with that ugly mask you're wearing.
Take him, boys.
En garde.
That's too fine a collar for a mongrel like you.
Come on, you rotten I knew you couldn't stay clean for more than one day.
Let him go.
He didn't do anything.
It was those brutes.
- He wasn't with them? - That's right, you vulgar vigilante.
In my day, I associated with a much higher class of riffraff.
- I'm so sorry, Ozzie.
- As long as you weren't bruised, my peach.
- "Peach"? - Why don't you be a good masked man and ride off into the night.
This time, I'll clean up after you.
He fenced with his umbrella? How droll.
This Penguin will absolutely make your party.
You know, it was quite touching.
It's not often that a man rushes to my rescue.
- Unfortunately, he wants to see me again.
- Who's that, Veronica? I've heard you're running around with a dangerous crowd.
Well, keep it under your hat, Brucie.
I've snagged the Penguin for my party.
- Why? - For the entertainment, dodo.
Can't you just see their faces when that stuffed capon waddles in? - I'd think twice if I were you.
- Oh, lighten up, Wayne.
After all, he is NOKD.
"Not our kind, dear.
" Better be careful that your little joke doesn't come home to roost.
So you're the president of Gotham First Federal.
I hope you've beefed-up your security.
The time locks were easy to circumnavigate, as I recall.
- Sir, you leave me at a loss for words.
- I certainly left you at a loss for funds.
Lovely dress.
Prison chic? Makes her look like a gathering of cellblock three.
Say, isn't that Mayor Hill? Hey, Hammy! He's beautiful.
Can you imagine tomorrow's papers? There's not enough ink to print all his faux pas.
I don't know, Pierce.
I've got a bad feeling about this.
Admiring the Vreeland jewelry, Mr.
Cobblepot? Mr.
Wayne, isn't it? Actually, I was thinking of adding this to her collection.
I'm sorry.
Maybe the rumors of your reform are not exaggerated.
Anything's possible when love is involved.
If you'll excuse me.
- Will you relax? You've done him a favor.
- But, Pierce You said it yourself.
That fat bird would never get invited to a party like this not with those clothes, that waddle, those flippers.
- Oswald! - Did she mention my fine Roman nose? - Who was that? - What happened? - What's going on? - Good heavens.
Pierce? He took her.
Well, it's been over 24 hours.
I assure you that every available man is on this case, Mr.
Chapman.
It's times like these when I wonder why we pay you people.
Listen, you simpering twit! You were foolish enough to invite the Penguin.
Now it's his party.
What is it? The ransom note.
He wants 1 million from her trust.
- Petty cash.
Easily done.
- There's just one catch, Mr.
Chapman.
- He wants you to make the drop.
- The drop? "Go to the corner of Barr and Englehart.
" Look sharp, boys.
Shouldn't be long now.
- Hello? - Boo.
Penguin, is that you? It's Pierce.
I've got the money.
I knew I could count on your kind.
Right, I'll just leave it here, and you can pick it up at your convenience.
Not quite, my friend.
Take exactly one step out of the booth - turn left and start walking.
- How far? You'll know when you get there.
We lost him in the sewers.
Time to disembark.
Don't forget your luggage.
That's right, just follow my mellifluous chirp.
What's hap? What's happening? - Pierce! - Oh, my Lord.
Help! - I believe you two know each other.
- Hey, what is this? The end of the show, when the fat bird sings.
Please, Oswald.
If it's money you want, I can get you more.
Shut up! All I wanted from you, dearie, was a little friendship.
That would've cost you nothing.
But now you'll pay.
I believe this calls for an acceleration of my plans.
- It's been smashing.
- Oswald, it needn't end this way.
I truly was growing fond of you.
We might've been friends.
- We still might.
- Yes, we all might.
Sorry.
'Tis better to have loved and lost And made a small profit Than never to have loved at all Fashionably late, I see.
On to Act 2.
Tallyho! And who says opera has to be boring? - No! - Help! We'll end this on a high note.
No! Careful.
Careful.
Oswald, I really was growing fond of you.
It's too bad this had to happen.
I suppose it's true what they say.
Society is to blame.
High society.