Batman (1966) s01e14 Episode Script
Batman Stands Pat (2)
Batman So far we have seen a super instant mesmerizing device.
A chefs hat snatched.
And there goes the chef.
A hunting hat grabbed.
And it's owner, ditto.
And the manager of a silver shop.
Holy sombrero! A dish.
A jury box.
Aha, the thirteenth hat.
The Mad Hatter's plans for the Caped Crusader.
Another dish.
And another snatch.
A clue? Who knows? Then Octave Marbot gets it.
But something's fishy.
Bam.
Bash.
Crash.
A bucket of instant hardening plaster.
Is Batman permanently plastered? Wait, the wildest is yet to come.
Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Na-na na-na na-na na-na na-na na-na na Batman Faster, Marbot, faster.
But the cement must be chipped very carefully if you want the mold of the Batman's cowl.
Oh, you can take it apart in sections and glue it back together again to form a mold.
I will not disfigure my friend, the Batman.
Oh, Batman, Batman.
He couldn't possibly be alive inside that plaster shroud.
Hey, boss.
That means he's won't be needing that Batmobile no more.
Good thinking.
It'll make an excellent getaway car.
Go warm it up.
The statue, it's coming alive.
Apple seed! Impossible.
It's diabolical.
Curses.
My super mesmerizer is on the brink.
To the Batmobile.
I'll go after them.
- After the Mad Hatter.
- No, no, Mr.
Marbot.
It's too dangerous.
- Robin.
- Batman.
Robin.
Start her up, Dicer.
- Are you alright? - Never better.
Well, I'm used to seeing you do the impossible.
But getting out of that plaster tomb was impossible.
Much easier that it seemed, Robin.
I simply held by breath.
Holy frog-man! Well, we should help Monsieur Marbot clean up this mess.
Oh, no, no, no, Batman.
You saved my life also your own.
That is enough for one day.
Next time you come to pose for me.
We start the statue all over again.
- Oui? - Oui.
The next time I come to pose there won't be any interruptions.
Come on, Robin, we have work to do.
I find being out-maneuvered by the Mad Hatter somewhat irritating.
I know what you mean.
There must be some insidious plan.
Some overall scheme.
Who'd steal five hats and five people with them to gain his nefarious end? And what did he mean, when he said my cowl would be his 13th hat? Did he say that? Yes, when I told him I was on to his masquerade.
I have it, How right you are.
Then he must be planning to snatch eight more hats and eight more people.
Or already has and we don't know about it.
Yes, Batman.
Commissioner, have you any more reports of hat thefts or vanishing people? As a matter of fact, yes.
Word is slowly reaching us that six other fine citizens have disappeared in the last few days.
Along with their headwear.
I'll get back to you.
The police department's on it's toes.
Six more kidnappings.
Six, plus the five we know about make eleven.
Your cowl's the 13th, that leaves-- One to gothe 12th.
But why, Robin? What comes in twelve's? Donuts! Um, horse power.
Um, amendments.
Mile limits? Noon-midnight! Oh, that's not quite it.
- Twelve.
- A dozen? Shall we activate the bat computer? That sounds like a good idea.
Feed it a question about dozens.
A dozen, a collection of Ora dozen men and women! A jury, jurors! Of course, Robin, that's what he was after the 12 hats of the jury that convicted him.
And the jurors, Madam Magda, the chef, the fire chief they were all on that jury.
How could I have been so stupid? Oh no, Batman, you've been pretty busy.
One hat left, the key that will hoist our opponent on his own petard! Yes, I-I realize that.
Charlie, hold on a second, will you please? Yes, Batman.
We maybe on to something important, commissioner.
I need the names of the 12 jurors on Mad Hatter's trial.
Yes but it may take a little while, I'll call you back.
Right.
Ahem, I thought I might find you here, sir.
Yes, Alfred.
It's Mrs.
Cooper, sir.
Dinner's almost ready and she wondered if you and Master Robin were back from uh.
.
sighting that fork tailed petrel and black-footed albatross, sir.
Tell her we just got back, but we may be taking off again.
Oh dear me, how I wish I'd put it, sir? Yes, commissioner.
Uh, Batman, I have the jury list here, what did you want to know? I'd like the name of the 12th juror, the last one.
The 12th huh? UhTurkey Bowinkle? Oh, he owns the Bowinkle's Bowl-O-Drome.
Have you a record of Bowinkle's hat being stolen recently? Or of Bowinkle being stolen? 'No, we have no report of that.
' Good.
I'll call you later.
Alfred, tell Mrs.
Cooper that we called from Slater Sleuth.
.
'and that we sighted some night flying birds.
' And tell her we'll be late for dinner.
Very good, sir.
On second thought, Alfred, tell her, you'll be late for dinner.
- 'Me, sir?' - The 12th juror is Bowinkle.
Turkey Bowinkle.
He owns a bowling alley.
- A bowler! - Precisely.
What more fitting head piece for the mad hatter to steal.
Our job is to get Alfred there before our cunning adversary and use the 12th hat to trap him once and for all.
Me, sir? Our cunning antagonist knows we're after him, Alfred.
We must do nothing to excite attention.
I want you take this, bat-homing transmitter.
'Pay a call on Turkey Bowinkle, at the Bowl-O-Drome.
' 'I want you to place it in his hat before it's snatched.
' That way we'll be able to trace him with a homing receiver in the Batmobile.
If I maybe allowed, sir.
Roger! Bowinkle? It's just a family name.
That's what I thought.
You see, I specialize in Genealogy.
Ghosts? Family trees.
When I ran across your name in the book, I was fascinated.
Turkey Bowinkle hmm.
'You doubt if it has a distinguished pedigree?' I got license to run this joint, if that's what you mean? Now, tell me.
.
perhaps if you have some records of your family lineage.
.
in your office, hmm? All I got in my office is my hat.
Your.
.
Well.
.
maybe that could tell me something.
It's just a little hat.
You never can tell Mr.
Bowinkle.
What maybe useful in tracing a person's descent.
Descent? It ain't no descent to run a bowling alley.
I mean, family descent.
The natural order of succession from one's ancestors.
Or even older forms.
Monkeys? Sorry buddy.
Turkey ain't no handle handed down from my grandpa.
It's a nick name, in the lingo of ten pins.
.
.
.
it means three strikes.
And Bowinkle meansBowinkle.
Now, nevertheless I would like to take a look at that hat.
Perhaps the uh, the head size might prove informative.
Seven and five eighth's.
That put an extra limb on the family elm? That's Bowinkle at the counter with the old guy.
Butter him up, find out where the hat is, signal me and keep him occupied.
Whatever your say, Jervis.
Yes, ma'am.
Mr.
Bowinkle, I'm from 'Male Modes'.
Yeah? It's a magazine, devoted men's fashion.
Oh.
I'm sure you'll be glad to know you're this week's prize winner.
The best headed man in Gotham City.
And what is this? Thought that old bowl attracted so much attention before.
- And this man here-- - I really must be going.
It's been pleasant talking to you.
Perhaps we can go into your bloodline some other time.
Your bloodline? That sounds icky.
Just some cook.
Anyway, Mr.
Bowinkle.
.
I hoped you would extend me the courtesy of an interview.
Sure, shoot.
Where is the prize winning little head piece right now? Right now, I figure it's upstairs on my desk.
Waitin'.
Not knowin' it's headed for fame and fortune.
Thank you.
'Why me lady?' 'There must be lot more with fancy ol' bonnets' 'than an ol' bowler?' Well, how 'Male Modes' selects it's weekly winners is of course our secret.
But I suspect your virile charm had something to do with it.
Yeah? Well, maybe that virile charm would like to buy you something.
What would you like? On the house.
Who let you out of the jug? What're you doin' with my hat? That's it, Lisa, get lost.
Just repaying old debts, Mr.
Bowinkle.
It took unanimous vote of that jury to send me up the river.
Yeah, well, I'm casting another ballot right now.
Do you usually carry a homing bat transmitter in your bowler, Mr.
Bowinkle? I don't know how that thing got in there.
I think I do.
And I think Batman will end up in my hat factory after all.
What's Batman got to do with it? So the Mad Hatter gets his 12th juror.
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful! Imagine, shearing Batman like a rabbit.
Or stretching him into any form I wish.
Or shrinking him and sizing him.
Why, I.
.
I'll make him into a sun bonnet.
Or a ten gallon hat or a fizz.
A fizz.
.
yes a fizz, I'll dye him red.
I'll buy myself a camel and go riding off into the desert.
Wearing a tribal chieftain's flowing robes.
.
and Batman on my head.
He's flipped his lid.
'What're you mumbling about?' My idle flights of fancy? My little day dreams? Do nothing more than that believe me I'm a very practical man.
I already have my 12 jurors' hats and my 12 jurors.
All I need now is Batman's cowl.
And the caped crusader out of the way.
And my job will be complete.
Yeah, but when do we eat? 'When I'm paid my fabulous ransom.
' Imagine a vouz.
Owning the Gothsonian institution's priceless collection of Presidential head gear.
Ooh! I think it's high time the rightful owners of those hats were wearing them.
Yeah but the real jury's still out.
Turkey's bowler can't be far from here.
The hideout must be in this old warehouse.
Call, Commissioner Gordon tell him we found the Mad Hatter's lair.
It's working, they found us.
Just like I planned.
It's a long way up.
'You're right.
' Stand clear.
They're climbing up the wall.
Places, everyone.
What a pleasant surprise awaits them.
Gosh, Batman, you'd think we were human flies.
That's all in the game, Robin.
That sure is one way of looking at it.
I'm extremely sorry about all these citizens.
We meet again, dynamic duo.
But I fear for the last time.
Your little game of hide and seek is over.
- Very clever Mr.
Tetch.
- Oh, you were the clever one.
I might not have been able to lure you here without your homing bat transmitter in Mr.
Bowinkle's hat.
Holy bowler! And now, caped crusader you will take off your cowl and hand it over.
Then you will sit for your photograph for all the world to see.
After that I'll take you on a personally conducted tour of my hat factory.
I'll have to be dead before you get my cowl.
Then, we'll start with the hat factory.
Straight ahead please.
Turn on the machine, Dicer.
You may find that it's smarts a bit to be shown, Batman.
Until you lose consciousness, of course.
Sorry, I'm late Jervis, but I needed a pedicure.
The girl from Antis.
Up to her pretty neck in evil.
You're just in time.
Batman and Robin are about to undergo a treatment I usually reserve for rabbits, musk rats and beavers.
Jervis, how droll.
'Do get on with it though.
' 'Then perhaps you can take me out for a bite to eat.
' You heard the lady.
Would you like to walk into the factory under your own power or would you like a shot or two to help? Put him on the conveyor belt.
Batman! Help! I suppose he's passed the acid test, Robin.
That'll keep him out mischief for a while.
And what plans do you have for me, Batman? That's up to the courts to decide, young lady.
In the meantime, help us find those missing jurors.
Whatever you say, I'll show you where they are.
I hope we're not too late, Batman.
But we had a difficult time findin' this place.
Oh, that's alright, gentlemen.
I'm happy to report that the treacherous schemes of the Mad Hatter have been knocked completely.
.
into a hat.
Eighty five dollars? Oh, Bruce, it's sweet of you to get me a birthday present.
But I hat's a hat.
No, Mrs.
Cooper, had is not a hat.
The hat is a memory.
Tea at Gladridge's, Gaundalein, Venice? The hat is a romance, the first time he smiled at you.
The night he kissed you.
The hat is an experience.
Well, when you put it that way I guess $85 isn't too much.
I thought you'd agree.
It was so nice of you to bring Mrs.
Cooper in, Mr.
Wayne.
But, I'm just sorry I'm a little shorthanded today.
My favorite sale girl disappointed me bitterly.
She was mixed up with that miserable Jervis Tetch.
To put your mind at ease, Madame Magda.
I had lunch with the city attorney today.
He tells me that the Mad Hatter won't bother you anymore he and his gang are safely behind bars and the judge should give them a stiff sentence.
Would you put that on my bill, please? Thank you, Madame Magda.
What's wrong, Bruce? It's funny, I.
.
when I came in here, I could swear I was wearing a hat.
Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Na-na na-na na-na na-na na Batman
A chefs hat snatched.
And there goes the chef.
A hunting hat grabbed.
And it's owner, ditto.
And the manager of a silver shop.
Holy sombrero! A dish.
A jury box.
Aha, the thirteenth hat.
The Mad Hatter's plans for the Caped Crusader.
Another dish.
And another snatch.
A clue? Who knows? Then Octave Marbot gets it.
But something's fishy.
Bam.
Bash.
Crash.
A bucket of instant hardening plaster.
Is Batman permanently plastered? Wait, the wildest is yet to come.
Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Na-na na-na na-na na-na na-na na-na na Batman Faster, Marbot, faster.
But the cement must be chipped very carefully if you want the mold of the Batman's cowl.
Oh, you can take it apart in sections and glue it back together again to form a mold.
I will not disfigure my friend, the Batman.
Oh, Batman, Batman.
He couldn't possibly be alive inside that plaster shroud.
Hey, boss.
That means he's won't be needing that Batmobile no more.
Good thinking.
It'll make an excellent getaway car.
Go warm it up.
The statue, it's coming alive.
Apple seed! Impossible.
It's diabolical.
Curses.
My super mesmerizer is on the brink.
To the Batmobile.
I'll go after them.
- After the Mad Hatter.
- No, no, Mr.
Marbot.
It's too dangerous.
- Robin.
- Batman.
Robin.
Start her up, Dicer.
- Are you alright? - Never better.
Well, I'm used to seeing you do the impossible.
But getting out of that plaster tomb was impossible.
Much easier that it seemed, Robin.
I simply held by breath.
Holy frog-man! Well, we should help Monsieur Marbot clean up this mess.
Oh, no, no, no, Batman.
You saved my life also your own.
That is enough for one day.
Next time you come to pose for me.
We start the statue all over again.
- Oui? - Oui.
The next time I come to pose there won't be any interruptions.
Come on, Robin, we have work to do.
I find being out-maneuvered by the Mad Hatter somewhat irritating.
I know what you mean.
There must be some insidious plan.
Some overall scheme.
Who'd steal five hats and five people with them to gain his nefarious end? And what did he mean, when he said my cowl would be his 13th hat? Did he say that? Yes, when I told him I was on to his masquerade.
I have it, How right you are.
Then he must be planning to snatch eight more hats and eight more people.
Or already has and we don't know about it.
Yes, Batman.
Commissioner, have you any more reports of hat thefts or vanishing people? As a matter of fact, yes.
Word is slowly reaching us that six other fine citizens have disappeared in the last few days.
Along with their headwear.
I'll get back to you.
The police department's on it's toes.
Six more kidnappings.
Six, plus the five we know about make eleven.
Your cowl's the 13th, that leaves-- One to gothe 12th.
But why, Robin? What comes in twelve's? Donuts! Um, horse power.
Um, amendments.
Mile limits? Noon-midnight! Oh, that's not quite it.
- Twelve.
- A dozen? Shall we activate the bat computer? That sounds like a good idea.
Feed it a question about dozens.
A dozen, a collection of Ora dozen men and women! A jury, jurors! Of course, Robin, that's what he was after the 12 hats of the jury that convicted him.
And the jurors, Madam Magda, the chef, the fire chief they were all on that jury.
How could I have been so stupid? Oh no, Batman, you've been pretty busy.
One hat left, the key that will hoist our opponent on his own petard! Yes, I-I realize that.
Charlie, hold on a second, will you please? Yes, Batman.
We maybe on to something important, commissioner.
I need the names of the 12 jurors on Mad Hatter's trial.
Yes but it may take a little while, I'll call you back.
Right.
Ahem, I thought I might find you here, sir.
Yes, Alfred.
It's Mrs.
Cooper, sir.
Dinner's almost ready and she wondered if you and Master Robin were back from uh.
.
sighting that fork tailed petrel and black-footed albatross, sir.
Tell her we just got back, but we may be taking off again.
Oh dear me, how I wish I'd put it, sir? Yes, commissioner.
Uh, Batman, I have the jury list here, what did you want to know? I'd like the name of the 12th juror, the last one.
The 12th huh? UhTurkey Bowinkle? Oh, he owns the Bowinkle's Bowl-O-Drome.
Have you a record of Bowinkle's hat being stolen recently? Or of Bowinkle being stolen? 'No, we have no report of that.
' Good.
I'll call you later.
Alfred, tell Mrs.
Cooper that we called from Slater Sleuth.
.
'and that we sighted some night flying birds.
' And tell her we'll be late for dinner.
Very good, sir.
On second thought, Alfred, tell her, you'll be late for dinner.
- 'Me, sir?' - The 12th juror is Bowinkle.
Turkey Bowinkle.
He owns a bowling alley.
- A bowler! - Precisely.
What more fitting head piece for the mad hatter to steal.
Our job is to get Alfred there before our cunning adversary and use the 12th hat to trap him once and for all.
Me, sir? Our cunning antagonist knows we're after him, Alfred.
We must do nothing to excite attention.
I want you take this, bat-homing transmitter.
'Pay a call on Turkey Bowinkle, at the Bowl-O-Drome.
' 'I want you to place it in his hat before it's snatched.
' That way we'll be able to trace him with a homing receiver in the Batmobile.
If I maybe allowed, sir.
Roger! Bowinkle? It's just a family name.
That's what I thought.
You see, I specialize in Genealogy.
Ghosts? Family trees.
When I ran across your name in the book, I was fascinated.
Turkey Bowinkle hmm.
'You doubt if it has a distinguished pedigree?' I got license to run this joint, if that's what you mean? Now, tell me.
.
perhaps if you have some records of your family lineage.
.
in your office, hmm? All I got in my office is my hat.
Your.
.
Well.
.
maybe that could tell me something.
It's just a little hat.
You never can tell Mr.
Bowinkle.
What maybe useful in tracing a person's descent.
Descent? It ain't no descent to run a bowling alley.
I mean, family descent.
The natural order of succession from one's ancestors.
Or even older forms.
Monkeys? Sorry buddy.
Turkey ain't no handle handed down from my grandpa.
It's a nick name, in the lingo of ten pins.
.
.
.
it means three strikes.
And Bowinkle meansBowinkle.
Now, nevertheless I would like to take a look at that hat.
Perhaps the uh, the head size might prove informative.
Seven and five eighth's.
That put an extra limb on the family elm? That's Bowinkle at the counter with the old guy.
Butter him up, find out where the hat is, signal me and keep him occupied.
Whatever your say, Jervis.
Yes, ma'am.
Mr.
Bowinkle, I'm from 'Male Modes'.
Yeah? It's a magazine, devoted men's fashion.
Oh.
I'm sure you'll be glad to know you're this week's prize winner.
The best headed man in Gotham City.
And what is this? Thought that old bowl attracted so much attention before.
- And this man here-- - I really must be going.
It's been pleasant talking to you.
Perhaps we can go into your bloodline some other time.
Your bloodline? That sounds icky.
Just some cook.
Anyway, Mr.
Bowinkle.
.
I hoped you would extend me the courtesy of an interview.
Sure, shoot.
Where is the prize winning little head piece right now? Right now, I figure it's upstairs on my desk.
Waitin'.
Not knowin' it's headed for fame and fortune.
Thank you.
'Why me lady?' 'There must be lot more with fancy ol' bonnets' 'than an ol' bowler?' Well, how 'Male Modes' selects it's weekly winners is of course our secret.
But I suspect your virile charm had something to do with it.
Yeah? Well, maybe that virile charm would like to buy you something.
What would you like? On the house.
Who let you out of the jug? What're you doin' with my hat? That's it, Lisa, get lost.
Just repaying old debts, Mr.
Bowinkle.
It took unanimous vote of that jury to send me up the river.
Yeah, well, I'm casting another ballot right now.
Do you usually carry a homing bat transmitter in your bowler, Mr.
Bowinkle? I don't know how that thing got in there.
I think I do.
And I think Batman will end up in my hat factory after all.
What's Batman got to do with it? So the Mad Hatter gets his 12th juror.
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful! Imagine, shearing Batman like a rabbit.
Or stretching him into any form I wish.
Or shrinking him and sizing him.
Why, I.
.
I'll make him into a sun bonnet.
Or a ten gallon hat or a fizz.
A fizz.
.
yes a fizz, I'll dye him red.
I'll buy myself a camel and go riding off into the desert.
Wearing a tribal chieftain's flowing robes.
.
and Batman on my head.
He's flipped his lid.
'What're you mumbling about?' My idle flights of fancy? My little day dreams? Do nothing more than that believe me I'm a very practical man.
I already have my 12 jurors' hats and my 12 jurors.
All I need now is Batman's cowl.
And the caped crusader out of the way.
And my job will be complete.
Yeah, but when do we eat? 'When I'm paid my fabulous ransom.
' Imagine a vouz.
Owning the Gothsonian institution's priceless collection of Presidential head gear.
Ooh! I think it's high time the rightful owners of those hats were wearing them.
Yeah but the real jury's still out.
Turkey's bowler can't be far from here.
The hideout must be in this old warehouse.
Call, Commissioner Gordon tell him we found the Mad Hatter's lair.
It's working, they found us.
Just like I planned.
It's a long way up.
'You're right.
' Stand clear.
They're climbing up the wall.
Places, everyone.
What a pleasant surprise awaits them.
Gosh, Batman, you'd think we were human flies.
That's all in the game, Robin.
That sure is one way of looking at it.
I'm extremely sorry about all these citizens.
We meet again, dynamic duo.
But I fear for the last time.
Your little game of hide and seek is over.
- Very clever Mr.
Tetch.
- Oh, you were the clever one.
I might not have been able to lure you here without your homing bat transmitter in Mr.
Bowinkle's hat.
Holy bowler! And now, caped crusader you will take off your cowl and hand it over.
Then you will sit for your photograph for all the world to see.
After that I'll take you on a personally conducted tour of my hat factory.
I'll have to be dead before you get my cowl.
Then, we'll start with the hat factory.
Straight ahead please.
Turn on the machine, Dicer.
You may find that it's smarts a bit to be shown, Batman.
Until you lose consciousness, of course.
Sorry, I'm late Jervis, but I needed a pedicure.
The girl from Antis.
Up to her pretty neck in evil.
You're just in time.
Batman and Robin are about to undergo a treatment I usually reserve for rabbits, musk rats and beavers.
Jervis, how droll.
'Do get on with it though.
' 'Then perhaps you can take me out for a bite to eat.
' You heard the lady.
Would you like to walk into the factory under your own power or would you like a shot or two to help? Put him on the conveyor belt.
Batman! Help! I suppose he's passed the acid test, Robin.
That'll keep him out mischief for a while.
And what plans do you have for me, Batman? That's up to the courts to decide, young lady.
In the meantime, help us find those missing jurors.
Whatever you say, I'll show you where they are.
I hope we're not too late, Batman.
But we had a difficult time findin' this place.
Oh, that's alright, gentlemen.
I'm happy to report that the treacherous schemes of the Mad Hatter have been knocked completely.
.
into a hat.
Eighty five dollars? Oh, Bruce, it's sweet of you to get me a birthday present.
But I hat's a hat.
No, Mrs.
Cooper, had is not a hat.
The hat is a memory.
Tea at Gladridge's, Gaundalein, Venice? The hat is a romance, the first time he smiled at you.
The night he kissed you.
The hat is an experience.
Well, when you put it that way I guess $85 isn't too much.
I thought you'd agree.
It was so nice of you to bring Mrs.
Cooper in, Mr.
Wayne.
But, I'm just sorry I'm a little shorthanded today.
My favorite sale girl disappointed me bitterly.
She was mixed up with that miserable Jervis Tetch.
To put your mind at ease, Madame Magda.
I had lunch with the city attorney today.
He tells me that the Mad Hatter won't bother you anymore he and his gang are safely behind bars and the judge should give them a stiff sentence.
Would you put that on my bill, please? Thank you, Madame Magda.
What's wrong, Bruce? It's funny, I.
.
when I came in here, I could swear I was wearing a hat.
Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Na-na na-na na-na na-na na Batman