Batman (1966) s02e19 Episode Script

NARRATOR".
A beastly hot day in Gotham City.
Rare indeed for a metropolis which generally enjoys perfect weather.
But what better time of year for Gotham City's Annual Miss Galaxy contest for which the five remaining contestants are already preparing this morning for tonight's final event.
And five beauties they are, indeed.
Miss Corsica, Miss Canary Islands Miss Barrier Reef the local favorite, Miss Gotham City herself and Miss Iceland.
But what's this? Strangers are never allowed in the beauty queen's dressing room let alone kidnappers.
Let alone him.
Sorry I can't take you all with me.
Ladies.
Oh-ho! What a scorcher.
Ninety-six in the shade and the temperature's still rising.
Miss Iceland? Kidnapped from the beauty pageant dressing room? The leader was wearing what? A collar with jet nozzles? To keep his head cold? Of course.
At once.
Jet nozzles to keep your head cold? Sounds like a good invention.
But there's just one man who might have invented it, Chief O'Hara.
Just one man who can live in an environment And just one man who is likely to have kidnapped Miss Iceland.
Shiver me timbers, commissioner.
- You don't mean Mr.
Freeze? -I do, indeed.
That cold-blooded, cold-hearted, calloused culprit.
Seems a pity on a day like this to call out the Caped Crusader.
Fair weather or foul, dog days or a monsoon who else could we call in such a crisis? - And who else would answer? -Mm.
Maybe he'll welcome the air conditioning-- Commissioner.
I wonder if Batman will welcome the air conditioning.
Wild.
Help! Frozen tight.
What do we do? NARRATOR".
And in Wayne Manor stately home of millionaire Bruce Wayne and his youthful ward, Dick Grayson - Uh, help.
- Naturally, sir.
Oh, Alfred.
Mrs.
Cooper was looking for you.
Something about that reception she's planning tonight.
Thank you, Alfred.
- Yes, commissioner.
-Bat Help- The commissioner.
I think he was trying to tell me something.
To the Batpoles.
On the double.
NARRATOR".
Meanwhile, in an ice cream truck directly across the street the sinister Mr.
Freeze is plotting his next cold, calculating move.
So the Caped Crusaders have come to the rescue after all.
That means the newspaper reporters won't be far behind.
Wild.
Chill? - You have the iceman? -He's waiting outside, Mr.
Freeze.
Shivers, you have the ice? It's all ready, boss.
- Get the operation going.
-Okay, boss.
Holy polar front.
Yes, Boy Wonder.
The commissioner and Chief O'Hara are trapped in that office.
With frost and snow and slush and ice pouring out all over.
It's terrible.
I'm afraid they died an icy death by now.
A negative viewpoint, sergeant.
A man has nothing without hope.
Robin, the plastic explosive.
Stand clear, please.
Darling, Miss Iceland.
Soon I'll be able to make you much more comfortable.
Then I'll start lowering the temperature in your lovely body and you will learn how to love me.
To love me as much as most people will learn how to hate Batman.
No matter how thick the battle no matter how heavy the frost no matter who you really are or where you ever come from I knew I could depend on you, Batman.
But why can't we find out what happened? Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara nearly freeze to death in this office on the hottest day of the year, and nobody can or will give us any details whatsoever.
- Yeah.
- Please.
Please, gentlemen of the press and this attractive young lady.
Nellie Majors.
Gotham City Herald.
As if you didn't know.
I ask you all to be patient.
Commissioner Gordon and Chief O'Hara will give you the details later.
As you can see, it's been a rather harrowing experience.
That's what our readers buy, Batman.
Harrowing experiences.
Has this anything to do with the kidnapping of Miss Iceland today? Miss Iceland kidnapped? Holy hijack.
And might it involve a certain arch criminal who escaped from the state penitentiary last week in an ice cream truck? It just might, Nellie.
Yes, it's very possible Mr.
Freeze has started another cold wave of terror.
Robin, since when do we make public accusations without strong solid proof? Robin's indiscreet statement is strictly off the record.
Not off my record, Batman.
I'm sorry, Ms.
Majors I certainly wasn't suggesting what your paper should or should not print.
It's just that I feel-- That you're on a spot, Batman? Is that it? Oh, I know you're a well-known crime-fighter and a local hero.
But I've seen many heroes tarnished in the course of my career.
Nellie, I won't have the Caped Crusader spoken to like that in this office.
You too, commissioner? Something to hide? Where did you come from? Who ordered that? A couple of guys down on the street sent it up.
Paid off in advance.
Nice present on a day like this.
"To Batman.
For incidental crime expenses.
" I-C-E.
Ice? Ice.
Green ice.
Bribe money, Batman? A reward for not revealing what happened here today? Afraid I don't understand, Ms.
Majors.
I doubt if the readers of the Gotham City Herald will be equally deluded.
Your mask seems to make an excellent blindfold.
Come on, fellas.
Regardless of how this little windfall is interpreted, I'd still like to see it go to the Policemen's Welfare Fund, commissioner.
After the way you've been vilified today? It's not your fault, commissioner, and I certainly don't blame Ms.
Majors.
A reporter's lot is not easy.
Making exciting stories out of plain, average, everyday people like Robin and me.
NARRATOR".
In a seemingly abandoned cold storage plant Mr.
Freeze has taken up temporary residence where even now he is coldly calculating his next move in Operation Hate Batman.
Wild, boys.
Wild.
Look here.
"ls Batman being bribed? Is Batman on ice? What slippery character is putting the skids under the Caped Crusader?" Written by someone called Nellie Majors.
Very good article too.
Must be a very clever woman, that Nellie Majors.
- Don't you think so, boys? -Sure do, boss.
She's the smartest news hand on the Gotham City Herald, Mr.
Freeze.
Wild.
Now, put on your costumes for the next maneuver.
Well, the Cape Crusader is getting the works at last.
Now he'll understand what it is like not to be loved.
Now he'll feel hate for once.
Hate.
Like I feel hate.
You should feel hate.
I certainly hate you.
But why, my darling Miss Iceland? Haven't I made you comfortable? All this beautiful furniture, those nice cool frosty bars to lower the temperature in your beautiful body? To air condition you, darling, so you would stop hating me? Once you hit 50-degree below zero, you will be loving me.
Loving you? Oh, you're a monster.
Never.
Oh, we'll see.
- We'll see.
-Oh! You will see, Mr.
Freeze.
Wasn't there something in those newspapers about my kidnapping? A small item or two.
But all the important headlines were taken up by Batman's disgrace.
Do my eyes deceive me or is this the Dynamic Duo? We put on the costume like you said, Mr.
Freeze.
- I'm Batman.
-I'm Robin.
Wild.
From a distance, even I couldn't tell the difference.
Now, this is my plan.
We've fed the Batanalyzer all the pertinent information on Mr.
Freeze's past crimes.
Now, let's see what it computes for the future.
What is it, Batman? It's more green ice.
- Yes, Alfred? -Knowing first things come first, sir I waited until the last possible moment before interrupting your computations but, uh, the guests will be arriving shortly.
- Guests? -Yes, sir.
The poolside reception this evening.
For the Bruce Wayne Foundation.
Holy tuxedo.
If we're late, Aunt Harriett will kill us.
"Kill" is not a word to be bandied about haphazardly, Robin.
Angry, yes, as well she might be if we're late.
Don't forget, we placed the entire burden of this reception on her stout, unselfish shoulders.
On the double.
Good evening, Mayor Linseed.
And Linda.
How nice to have you.
It's so nice to be here, Mrs.
Cooper.
Any party at stately Wayne Manor is a big event in our lives.
- Thank you.
-My dear.
What could have happened to Bruce and Dick? He'll be here in a moment, madam.
Oh, here they are now.
- Sorry, Aunt Harriett, a slight delay.
-I lost a cuff link.
Well, I think everyone's here.
Alfred, ask the caterer to start passing the hors d'oeuvres.
They already are, madam.
But I'll check again below stairs.
Beautiful, Aunt Harriett.
You've outdone yourself, as usual.
You really like it? I originally planned to have it all Japanese-y but the caterer called and suggested Irish.
He said green was most becoming to women guests.
What do you think? - Green? -I even had the reflection pool dyed green.
- Mrs.
Cooper is a clever colleen, Bruce.
-Yes.
Who would have thought it? A wee bit of the Emerald Isle right outside of Gotham City.
Heh-heh.
Holy shamrocks.
Emerald.
Also known among the criminal set as green ice.
-Green ice.
Stop.
Don't move, anybody.
Nobody move.
What in the world is this? Let's get him quick.
Patience, Dick Grayson.
You've all heard me.
So no monkey business.
Who is he? How dare he come here and spoil our nice party.
Maybe that special duty policeman-- Bruce, we just can't stand here.
These are my guests, Dick.
I don't dare make a move to put them in further jeopardy.
Waiters.
Clear your trays and fill them up with real goodies.
Wild.
Ha-ha-ha! That voice.
It sounds exactly like the caterer who called suggesting the Irish motif.
-Figures.
I'll try sneaking around him.
No, Chief O'Hara.
Better the loss of a few baubles than the life of a stalwart citizen.
No, no.
Not that.
No.
It's engraved.
A generous memento, given to me by the good people of Gotham City.
- You can't do that.
- Don't fight it, Aunt Harriet.
One day, these men will get their just desserts.
- Oh! -You said it, Aunt Harriett.
Enough amusement for now.
And so you don't do anything foolish like following us everybody into the pool, please.
Bruce.
This is too much.
Do something.
Under the circumstances I think it would be wise to follow his instructions.
When I say in the pool, I mean in the pool.
Move, please.
I have never felt so indignant.
Or so helpless.
That'll cool you off a little.
Wild.
Ha-ha-ha! - Green ice.
-Just as the computer predicted.
If only Batman and Robin were here.
Sure, and our only chance for salvation are the Caped Crusaders.
They must have heard us.
All right, Mr.
Freeze.
Give back those jewels or else.
Or what else? You'll be sorry.
That's wild.
Ha-ha-ha! Easy, Batman.
You almost hit me.
Oh, sorry, Mr.
Freeze.
I'll be more careful next time.
Batman and Robin, don't leave us.
No, the safety of the guests here comes first.
- How do I look with egg on my face? - Shh, shh.
Wild.
Ha-ha-ha! Strange, the Dynamic Duo acting in this manner.
It's not like them.
Not like them at all.
It is not.
Though everyone has heard the recent rumor.
That's, 'fi they read the Gotham City Herald.
Merciful heavens.
Your arrival was well-timed, Alfred.
If you hadn't turned on that pool heater, we'd all still be frozen in.
A clever ploy by Mr.
Freeze, I'm afraid.
- That inhuman ice cube.
-If I'd arrived even earlier, sir I might have been able to expose those impostors of his.
Um, if I may say so, sir.
I'm a bit concerned about the current reputation of the Caped Crusaders.
- Me too.
-There are other reputations to be considered.
Commissioner Gordon, Chief O'Hara, Mayor Linseed.
None of this looks good for Gotham City.
But Alfred's right, Batman.
Everyone will believe that story about you taking a bribe.
Unless we capture Mr.
Freeze and return the jewels tonight.
And perhaps rescue Miss Iceland.
Her kidnapping seems to have become secondary.
A regrettable situation for any young girl.
I hear Iceland is considering severing diplomatic relations, sir.
Which we must prevent at all cost.
But where could he be hiding out? Yes.
Three good possibilities.
"The Bottling Works, the Meat Packing Company and the Frosty Freezies Factory.
" Currently shut down but adjoining the cold storage plant.
Beautiful.
Beautiful.
Beautiful for my beautiful love.
I want nothing from you.
Ever.
Perhaps you're not cool enough to be cooperative.
I'm colder than I want to be.
- My fingers are getting numb.
-That's good.
Your metabolism is changing and your temperature is still a bit above zero.
In the morning, you'll be 50 below.
And madly in love with me.
You could turn me into a glacier and I still wouldn't love you.
You a glacier, darling Miss Iceland? Never.
But I have other plans for a monstrous ice floe.
What is it, Chill? Here's the frozen reindeer meat you wanted for a midnight snack.
Oh.
What else? Something seems to be bothering you.
I was leaving the Meat Packing Company, the Batmobile pulled up.
Oh, so the Cape Crusaders are now checking cold storage units.
And getting closer.
Now the Batmobile is parked in front of the Frosty Freezies Factory.
Batman and Robin must be inside.
Wild.
We will put the Dynamic Duo on ice once and forever.
Gosh, Batman.
Dig those flavors.
"Lemon lime, orange, raspberry, pineapple.
" Take your choice, Boy Wonder.
Haven't you read the newspapers? Haven't you heard the stories? The public is fickle.
You're no longer the great hero of Gotham City.
And soon, very soon, you'll be hated.
Despised like me.
Wild.
Ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha! Wild.
Look out, Robin.
The freeze gun.
So you wanted to outsmart me, eh? But you can't outsmart the machinery in this factory.
And soon you'll be the first two human frosty freezies in history.
Ha-ha-ha! Wild.