Batman (1966) s02e20 Episode Script

NARRATOR".
We have already seen a beauty queen kidnapped.
And an indoor blizzard.
Only one man could keep a cool that cool.
While the Dynamic Duo dynamite a door.
The iceman cometh with a delivery of what? Green ice? Bribe money? Anyway, that's what the papers seem to feel.
But Bruce Wayne still had the social responsibilities of any average millionaire.
Though there was a surprise guest at his garden reception.
Several surprising guests, in fact.
And a freezing finale to the affair.
So back to the capes and cowls.
And a stop at the Frosty Freezies Factory where Robin tangled with a freeze gun.
And the Dynamic Duo found themselves with a choice of very frosty flavors.
Fooled, framed and frozen.
Frosty Freezies instead of crime-fighters.
What now? What next? We have been in some pretty tight fixes, but I don't see how we're gonna get out of this one.
Yes, this is quite a predicament, old chum.
But remember, in the end, right always triumphs.
If it does, I'm going to spend the rest of my life in a Turkish bath.
A Turkish bath.
You've hit it, Robin.
The steam in the pipes of most Turkish baths is superheated moisture.
Remove the heat, and the moisture turns to frost.
Do you feel anything around your feet? Yeah, chilblains.
No, no, something mechanical.
Some kind of valve or a blower.
Something that might inject the flavoring or the coloring or the freezing components.
I don't know, Batman.
I think there's a little spigot or something.
In mine too.
It might be the heat exhaust valve.
If we can just get our feet to do the work for our fingers and recycle the exhaust in the heating unit of the containers we might reverse the process of refrigeration and the heat transfer will melt our way out.
Too bad, too bad.
Perhaps I shouldn't have disposed of Batman and Robin.
At least not so soon.
Then I could have toyed with them a little longer and destroyed their saintly image slower but more effective.
I have an idea.
Chill, go and get me the instant camera.
After I'm through with this little business, I'm going to execute my plan for the greatest ice crime in history that will destroy all of Gotham City in a few minutes.
And there will be no Batman and Robin to stop me.
And then, my darling, Miss Iceland your temperature will be down to my temperature and you will become Mrs.
Freeze.
Never.
Not if I live to be a hundred below zero.
I'll never marry you.
Stubborn but beautiful.
This plan is going to be something really wild, boys.
Wild.
NARRATOR".
That wild plan better include Batman and Robin for even now a well thawed-out Dynamic Duo race to the Batcave to plot their next move.
An obvious hoax.
Doctoring up the picture by superimposing his watch on my wrist.
Holy distortion.
Most unsporting of Mr.
Freeze, I must say.
Yeah, sure makes you look bad, Batman.
Although the newspaper clearly indicated that this photograph came from an anonymous source and that quite possibly it might be a fake the great majority of the people will only look at the photograph and not read the text.
An unfortunate failing of the masses, sir.
What do we do now? The only thing we can do, Robin.
Hang up our capes and cowls.
Oh, no, sir, not that.
I'm afraid so, Alfred.
With all this adverse publicity it might be well to let the people think what they will that we've taken a runout powder.
That way, maybe we can lull Mr.
Freeze into a false sense of security make him overplay his hand.
After all, I'm sure he believes that we're Frosty Freezies by now.
You were most ingenious in preventing that, sir.
Thank you, Alfred.
But it will take more ingenuity to get us back in the good graces of the good people of Gotham City.
Aunt Harriet asked us to go into the city on an errand as Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson, remember'? Mm.
Nellie, gentlemen, please, please, one at a time.
Are you going to prefer bribery charges against them or is the Dynamic Duo exempt from the law? Nellie, I resent that innuendo.
Nobody is exempt from the law.
Batman would be the first to say so if he were here.
But he isn't, commissioner nor has he shown his masked face around Gotham City since that grandstand play at Wayne Manor.
Now, I'm sorry, I simply don't have any more time.
Chief.
No, you don't have time.
At least not wristwatch time.
Maybe you'd better ask Batman the time of day.
-Isn't he the one wearing your watch? -All right.
Nellie, and the rest of you back to your typewriters to peck out more of your slanted stories.
Mother Machree.
But it's a sad state of affairs in Gotham City when journalism stoops so low.
Too bad.
The truth really hit a nerve root, hasn't it? Out.
What do you think, commissioner? I honestly don't know what to think, Chief O'Hara.
But I do fear for Batman's heroic image.
I have a feeling the terrible tide of adverse public opinion may soon engulf our Caped Crusader.
Boo, Batman.
Gosh, Bruce, did you hear that? Nothing has ever cut me so deeply to the quick.
No blow ever struck by any arch-villain has ever hurt me so acutely as that little boy's boo.
One billion dollars.
One billion dollars, they'll pay me.
And nobody can stop it, especially not Batman and Robin, eh? By the way, why don't the newspapers mention anything about their sad end at the Frosty Freezies Factory? Maybe nobody has found them yet.
Of course, Chill.
And by the time they find them, they'll make Freezies for Goliath.
You can't get away with it.
There is still the law.
Good will triumph.
Shh.
Don't get excited, darling, Miss Iceland.
I don't want your temperature to rise even a few degrees.
One billion dollars.
The citizens of Gotham City will pay me or I will bury all of them under one huge cake of ice exactly like a million years ago.
Wild.
Wild.
Utterly Wild.
Preposterous.
Utterly and fantastically preposterous.
Mr.
Freeze has finally gone too far, demanding $1 billion by threatening to completely cover Gotham City with ice.
In August? August or December I wouldn't take Mr.
Freeze's threat too lightly, commissioner.
With all due respect, Mr.
Wayne you don't think that Mr.
Freeze could really do such a thing.
I mean, I think he would do it if he could, but I don't think he can, can he? - Don't underestimate his power, Chief O'Hara.
-Look what he did the other night at the party when he instantly froze us in the pool.
But could he freeze a whole metropolis the size of Gotham City? May I see his blackmail note, commissioner? Uh, yeah, surely.
"One billion dollars by high noon tomorrow or" Et cetera, et cetera.
"And if you do not believe me, try turning on your water faucets at 2:00 this afternoon.
" - Two o'clock? -Two o'clock.
Beg your pardon, chief, but the switchboard is lit up like a Christmas tree.
- Everybody is complaining.
-About what, sergeant? The water, sir.
Nobody can get any water through their faucet.
- Did you check with the water department? -Yes, sir.
But if you don't mind me saying so I think they must be nipping a bit over there at the waterworks.
- Do you know what they said? - The hottest day of the year and they said the water reservoir in Gotham City Park is frozen solid which it never has been before, even on the coldest day of the year.
The newsmen learned of the diabolical scheme of Mr.
Freeze to completely cover Gotham City with ice unless $1 billion is paid to him before high noon tomorrow.
Since the announcement less than two hours ago panic has hit the streets.
Motorists have jammed the highways leading out of Gotham City.
Traffic through the Gotham City Tunnel is blocked for three miles.
This afternoon, everything is complete chaos.
Terror reigns-- With $1 billion, I'm going to go to Switzerland.
And I will take you, darling, Miss Iceland, with me as my bride.
I wouldn't marry you for $10 billion.
You wouldn't? No wonder you haven't changed your mind.
This thing is not working as well as it should.
I'll tell you What I'll do.
In the morning I will freeze your beautiful body solid.
Oh! You diabolical beast.
Wild.
Panic is rampant throughout the long and terrible night.
Reports have come in of hysterical children everywhere.
Awakening and screaming: "Mama, Mama, Mama, don't let the ice cover me, please.
" We've been up all night listening to this.
Aunt Harriet, surely you and Alfred need some sleep.
Of course, Bruce, we all do.
I think Dick and I will take a little walk get some of the frozen cobwebs out of our brain.
- Good idea, Bruce.
-Let's go, Dick.
Poor Bruce.
That horrible Mr.
Freeze's threats have upset him greatly.
Heaven knows what will happen today.
Why don't you go up to your room, madam? Thank you, Alfred.
Another blazing day in Gotham City with our citizens knowing only too well that by noon they may be freezing to death in subzero temperatures unless, of course, city officials can raise-- Why turn them off? I know the end of that sentence by heart.
"One billion dollars.
" But it's impossible.
Even if we were to mortgage every public building, every city-owned utility we couldn't get a loan for that amount of money in such a short space of time.
Do you suppose there's a possibility Mr.
Freeze could be bluffing? Well, what would he hope to gain by burying Gotham City under all that ice? Bluffing, never.
As for what he could gain, revenge.
Revenge for being forced to live away from society.
Alone in his own torturous world of subzero temperature.
What can we do, commissioner? Do? I honestly don't know, Mayor Linseed.
If only Go ahead, commissioner.
Call Batman and Robin.
If Gotham City ever needed them, she needs them now.
I never thought it would happen.
But like so many others, l I'm afraid I've lost faith.
Atomic batteries to power.
- Turbines to speed.
-Roger.
Ready to move out.
Why the change of heart, Batman? Tarnished reputations are unfortunate, Robin.
We can live with those.
However, a threat to all of Gotham City is something else.
He's in that cold storage plant.
He and his stooges made an appearance at the Frosty Freezies Factory around the corner.
- Then we go? -We go.
This should put a crank in his channel.
What's the matter? First the commentator said the stock market went kaput and now the TV set went kaput.
- Must be the antenna went on the blink.
-Frosty, go and fix it.
How else would I know whether I get the billion dollars or I have to destroy Gotham City? That should straighten your antennae.
Mr.
Freeze, I believe.
Batman.
But you were supposed to be a famous Frosty Freezie by now.
Exactly what we wanted you to believe.
- Robin.
- Wait.
Look there.
Batman.
Why, you beast.
You sinful beast.
You're inhuman.
An absolute demon.
Inhuman? Demon? Wild.
Why don't you join me in my frozen frigid world? Perhaps you would like to be our best icemen at the wedding.
You and Robin.
Boys.
Wild.
Simply Wild.
Holy chicken coop.
And a nice cold chicken coop, Boy Wonder.
I've just one telephone call to make and then I'll finish you off forever.
It was a good idea of yours to wear our Bat-thermal underwear.
I think your idea is the one that will save us, Robin.
Commissioner Gordon speaking.
This is Mr.
Freeze speaking.
It's he.
Are you listening? Yes, we're listening.
What's your proposition? You know my proposition.
One billion dollars by noon or you'll freeze to death.
Simple.
Mr.
Freeze, hear me out.
We can't raise $1 billion in such a short time, do you understand? We can't get that much money by noon.
You have exactly 26 minutes, that's all.
Mr.
Freeze, give us more time.
We need more time.
Time for what? To wait for Batman perhaps? If you are waiting for the Dynamic Duo, forget it.
They're my prisoners here in my hideout.
And soon they'll be icemen.
Real icemen.
One billion dollars in 26 minutes.
Gentlemen, I'm afraid all is lost.
Well, gentlemen, the expression is, I believe: "Time for the kill.
Curtains for the Caped Crusaders.
" What happened? You're supposed to be frozen.
We took the precaution of processing our crime-fighting costumes with a special Bat-Anti-Freeze-Activating solution.
And rubbed some on the rest of our bodies.
And so it's curtains for you, Mr.
Freeze, not for us.
Not as long as you're in that cage.
We brought along another small surprise.
We anticipated trouble here.
And came prepared.
So you have no chance of outwitting us and even less of glaciating Gotham City.
-Is that so? No.
That should chill their goose for a while.
Now to get that young lady out of her ice coffin.
- How? -By a simple method which has become somewhat old-fashioned: an ice pick.
Oh, Batman, what can I ever do to thank you? Thank the judges of the Miss Galaxy Beauty Contest, Miss Iceland.
They agreed to postpone the final event until you were found.
How wonderful.
- I'm dying.
- Mr.
Freeze.
Go warm yourself.
My My freeze collar.
- I'm dying.
-Help me, Robin.
I'm dying.
My freeze collar.
I am dying.
I'm dying- This should keep you alive, Mr.
Freeze, until the police find your ice neckpiece.
Well, that's right, Warden Crichton.
You see, Mr.
Freeze is not a normal average prisoner.
He must, at all times, wear his Jet-freeze collar in order to stay alive.
Anything you can do to lower the temperature of his cell would be a help.
Thank you.
Goodbye.
Your consideration is admirable, Batman, but Mr.
Freeze hardly deserves it.
Hmph.
Not that icy-hearted enemy of the people.
A brother's sufferings claim a brother's pity, gentlemen.
- Holy epigrams.
-No, Robin.
Truisms.
No man is really all bad.
Now, gentlemen, I suggest we take a break.
We have tickets for tonight's finals in the Gotham City Miss Galaxy Contest.
Robin is a little young for this sort of thing but-- I'm not gonna be young all my life, Batman, and besides, uh beauty contests are practically an American institution.
You see, gentlemen, such pure logic is indisputable.
Hello there, young man.
I know you were up here, Batman.
I saw the Batmobile downstairs.
Let's take an elevator ride.
Gee, Batman, you're the greatest.
False pride is indeed a dangerous thing, Chief O'Hara.
False pride? We were talking about beauty contests.
I'm talking about myself.
How hard it is to admit when I'm wrong.
But I was wrong so wrong when I ever even imagined I was losing my faith in Batman.
NARRATOR".
Next week, rematch.
Batman versus the Joker.